United States - 4098 Reviews

Calypso claims to be the "Taste of the islands." What I want to know is what islands? Are we talking islands out in the Caribbean, or are we talking some tiny little pieces of land in the middle of lake Minnetonka. If you don't know what that is you really need to brush up on a little movie called Purple Rain. Speaking of, I bet this is how Prince drinks to relax on a hot, hot day. He wakes up early, spends a good portion of an hour talking to himself in the mirror, heads down to his basement studio where he lays down some guitar tracks that would melt your brain, makes some pancakes, and then heads out in the backyard where he inexplicably does the Bat Dance for two hours while sipping on some Kiwi Lemonade. Of course he has his servants die it purple for him before he allows it to pass his lips.

Like all of the Calypso lemonades this is very tart. That is because they use real lemon juice and pulp to make it. You can see the lemon pulp floating in the drink, but unfortunately you can't feel them in your mouth. The thing that really stands out with Calypso is that they actually use fruit juices instead of artificial flavors. I think this may be the first drink I've ever consumed that actually has real kiwi in it. You can really tell in the flavor. Hey if it's good enough for Prince how can you argue with it?

This conversation happened in real time just moments ago.

Me: Do you want to try a drink with chunks.
Jessica: Uhh.
Me: Sure you do. I have to take a picture of it. Come on in and have some. Here.
Jessica: What does it taste like? What are the chunks?
Me: It's aloe and it usually tastes like grapes.
Jessica: It's actually pretty good.
Me: Greg, try some.
Greg: I'm not trying anything with chunks in it.
Me: Sure you are. It's part of our agreement.
Greg: It's good.
Me: Zack, try this.
Zack: It's good but I can't get past the chunks. What are they?
Me: It's aloe. Aloe Vera. The plant.
Zack: You don't know that.
Me: Sure I do.
Zack: No, you don't.
Me: Oh, I mean it's head chunks. Chunks of a person's head.

See?! Three converts from having no aloe to actually liking it. Greg took one sip in a cup and now he's got a glass refilled. Zack won't touch it and Jessica had to go back to work. Sabila, you've earned three more friends.

I think that if Jesus was straight edge, he might make fruit punch. Think about it. It's either that or grape juice. Grape juice may be the better choice since "grapes is grapes" but let's play along.

It's hot. It's the desert so you really should have brought more water with you. The poorly designed, worse photocopied brochure you had clearly stated that you should have brought more water. Well now you're in for it. When you think all is lost, you come across a stream. Clean, pure drinking water... is boring after thirteen days and nights. You need something else. You ask around and the only person who can save you is Jesus, the dude two tents over. He said he could turn water to low calorie fruit punch. You kind of cringe as you are not currently on a diet although all the mutton you've been eating has been going straight to your hips and inner thigh area.

"Fine, dude", you say to Jesus, "We'll try your fruit punch. " And with one turnaround from Jesus, some strange squeezing sounds coming from inside his technicolor and Hypercolor dreamcoat which he has borrowed from his college roommate Joey, he presents you with a bowl of fruit punch.

You quickly drink every last drop and you are surprised that it doesn't taste more like diet. You thank Jesus for a change of pace to which he responds, "namasde" and starts making strange squeaking noises under his coat elsewhere.

I saw this bottle in my mom's fridge and realized that we hadn't reviewed it yet. Even though I hate diet soda, I decided to give it a try in the name of Thirsty Dudes.

Battery acid. That's what it tastes like. It burns all the way down. No matter how much I try, I can't get used to the diet soda taste. I only had a couple sips and my stomach feels horrible.

I'm sorry sir but we won't be able to get you from your destination for two to three weeks. Sir, I understand that you are on an island because your dingy has crashed after you hit a whale. I cannot get to your destination, or get anyone to, your island because it's sweeps week. Sir, I can't hear you if you're yelling. Sweeps week is very important to us. "Criminal Intent" came back on the air and we are all very excited here at Rescue Squad as to what Vincent D'onofrio will do. I realize that you don't have any food or water. We're running low on chips here too, now that you mention it. You know what, sir? Tommy the intern just got us this great tea slash lemonade stuff. I'll see if he can get some for you. He doesn't make a lot of money so he might be able to get you like two or three bottles. Shipping is going to be astronomical so he might only be able to ship you one. You don't care? Dude, er, I mean sir, you haven't had this tea. If you like apricots and plums you will love this. It tastes like plums first, then you burp and it tastes like apricots. After every sip it tastes like lemonade. All the flavors are there. You won't even realize that you've missed the newest episodes of "Wipeout". We love that show over here.

Sir, if I could get your address we can have Tommy ship that bottle or two over to you. You don't know your address? How can Tommy send you this drink if you don't know your address? Sir, please calm down. I can't hear you. No, I can understand what you're talking about. Tommy just has "The Voice" too loud. What do you think of Cee-lo? I don't really understand why he's on this show. Sir? Sir. Huh, he hung up. Tommy, looks like we don't have anything to do this week. We can see what happens between Barney and his father on "How I Met Your Mother."

I opened up the paper today and this is what the headline read: "Thirsty Dudes Makes Reviewers Fat." Print doesn't lie my friends. I can't speak for Thirsty Neuls, but I know Mike and I have each put on weight since we started this website. How could we not? Do you know how much our sugar consumption has increased it's ridiculous. At this pace we'll be starring in the next installment of the Big Mamma's House franchise (for the record I've never see any of those movies). Instead of cutting down on the amount of drinks I imbibe for the sake of Thirsty Dudes, I've cut down the rest of my diet. Also, since the weather is nice I've been exercising a lot more. Specifically I've been riding my bike a decent amount every day.

We had received these "Ultimate Fitness Partner" drinks a couple of months ago, so I figured I'd review the rest of them as I try to lose some weight. The other ones I've had haven't been too bad, but like most things in a concentrated form this tasted like poison. It's as if someone grabbed a bottle of booze to spike the punch at a high school dance, but instead of grabbing the bottle with three X's on it, they accidentally grabbed the bottle with three skull and crossbones on it. Has there ever been punch at dances since the 60's?

So this may taste like Poison Punch (I think that was the name of Mike's band when he was in junior high) it did seem to have the desired effect. I can't confirm that I burned more calories, but it certainly gave me more energy while I was out riding. I was exhausted when I went out, but about 10 minutes into my ride the drink kicked in and I rode for way longer than I expected.

For flavor I would have given this drink a negative 5, but for it's functionality I will give it a 3. I really need to stay away from "shot" drinks.

Corn is by far my favorite vegetable. There are others that I may enjoy, but those other vegetables just aren't as versatile. Sure asparagus is delicious when it's cooked in garlic, but would it work on a burrito or in chili? Okay, I would probably eat that and think it's great. My point is that corn is incredible on it's own with no seasoning, but it also can make almost any meal better. One of the many important life lessons that I learned from Pee Wee's Big Adventure is that there are thousands and thousands of uses for corn, and Tina from the Alamo would be happy to list them all for you. Corn in salsa? Oh god yes. I feel cheated when it's not in there. Through my mass consumption of corn I have never once considered drinking it. That is until this magic bottle of goodness ended up in my possession.

It's Fall. Everyone has their decorations hanging up. A lot of people have dried out colored corn on their walls and doors. As a kid I always wondered why people used to paint their corn. I was little and an idiot. I am now less of an idiot and know that it grows that way. Being as I was an idiot when I was young (how many times can I say that in a review?) I of course tried to eat the colored corn. Bad scene. It does not taste like the corn I am used to, especially since it's all dried out. I later became to associate that corn with what was fed to animals. Now Simply Originals has come around to yet again throw my world into upheaval. They have turned the purple corn, or maize, into a very refreshing beverage.

In Peru chicha morada is a traditional homemade drink. I will tell you this for free: the people of Peru know what they are doing when it comes to beverages. One of their great ancestors was thirsty as hell some hot summer day. He was tired of all of the water he was consuming and decided to mix everything he had laying around the house into a bottle and drink it down. It's lucky for us that he only had water, purple maize, sugar, pineapple, clove and cinnamon. Imagine if he had some meat juice laying around. I assure you if that were the case I would have vomited all over this keyboard. Nobody wants that, especially my keyboard. Seeing as he didn't have meat juice he created (maybe it was a lady of Peru and not a man. The gender was lost a long time ago) what it a refreshing harvest time drink. After a long day of sweating out in the Peruvian corn fields wouldn't it be nice to come home and have your significant other pour you a nice tall glass of corn juice? If you said no, you are horribly mistaken.

I do have this one negative thing to still say about corn. Like Mrs. Tremond in Twin Peaks I will always request no creamed corn. I have a thing with textures.

If I were the Green Lantern, I would have no idea what to do since I have never read a single line about him. Silver Surfer rides on ice roads over the city. That's awesome. Batman has an underground lair with a mansion above. That's awesome. Spiderman...Spiderman has sweet video games where you can climb to the top of the city swing all the way down and grab onto a light pole and save your own butt. I guess I'm giving superheroes credit that they deserve and kind of talked down to superheroes that I just don't know anything about.

I've recently been upset that I didn't get into graphic novels and comic books as a kid. I don't read real books and fall asleep to anything that's not a programming manual. Picture books are great. A couple lines of text and some great action and images are what an idiot like me needs. Clearly in this particular case, I needed the previous knowledge to know what I'm talking about. I don't care. I'll get there eventually.

If the Green Lantern had a drink that was made exclusively for him, this isn't a bad start. I know, it's a lot for me to say, but honestly, it's a pretty good flavor overall. The Brisk iced tea is tooth destroying. This doesn't really taste a whole lot like green tea and you actually have to take a couple sips before you can get over the high fructose corn syrup sting, but here's the thing, after about 3 or 4 sips, it's actually really good. A genuine mango taste and another taste I can only assume is dragonfruit. I'm not totally familiar enough with dragonfruit to pick out the flavor but I can tell you that "the other" flavor is good, not bad.

While all the other superheroes are having fun kicking butt, slinging webs, and doing whatever Green Lantern does, all the rest of us normal folk need to feel like a superhero. While most of us are too old for superhero underwear, this drink will have to suffice.

Drinking this beverage is like voluntarily taking a vacation to a diet nightmare. Think of yourself as a standard man. You love hamburgers, french fries, milkshakes, and you drive a sweet '64 1/2 Ford Mustang. You have enough product in your hair to be considered a natural disaster and all you wear is blue jeans, black shoes, and white V-neck T-shirts. Sure, all I know about being a man apparently came from "Happy Days", but that was when men were men and women were women...not really, but you know how these reviews tend to go.

So you're a man. While eating a cheeseburger from some chrome diner, you meet another woman's glance and you fall in love. You go to the drive in. You go to whatever a sock hop is. You listen to records. All is great in the world. You decide to get a place together. You first shopping excursion, you buy the following standard items; hamburgers, Murry's pomade, toothpaste, new pack of shirts since yours all have greaze on it from working on your hog, and some cereal. Your girlfriend is trying out dieting even though she can't clock in at more than 110. I mean, she's got a killer body and you can lift her all day long, and you do. She buys items like, low fat milk, egg whites, Lean Pockets, and Sparkling Ice Pomegranate Berry.

You pay the $7.32 bill and head home, not having any idea of the torturous night you have ahead of you.

You make some hamburgers for yourself since you girlfriend wouldn't dare eat meat because it's too fatty and she's endlessly watching her figure, so she makes an egg white omelet. You think it's fine because she's so easy to look at and you ask her for something to drink while she's in the kitchen. She grabs you one of her six Sparkling Ice drinks. You sit down to a nice meal and you take a bite of your burger, love it, and then take a big, manly sip of your drink. You can't believe it. Your otherwise perfect girlfriend is trying to poison you. Surly, no one who is trying to live would drink this. It's fruity but so fake tasting that you swear it's flavored plastic fruit like the kind your grandma has on her living room table like she's permanently doing "still life" art drawing of the same fruit. You take another sip. It's no better than the first. It's so sharp, so strong. It's cuts through the flavor of your meal and slices it's way down your throat like candy coated razor blades.

Needless to say, you and her do not work out and it's unfortunate. She had everything going for her, and people aren't going to understand. You'll catch flak for it for a while until people realize that this "diet" thing that's going on is not good for business. You'll be fine and you will grow from your experience while she will search endlessly for results that will never be enough and she will forever be unsatisfied.

I went for a nice long bike ride today. When I got home I got a call from some friends inviting me over for an impromptu barbeque. Seeing as it was my first BBQ of the year I decided I needed to accompany it with some orange soda. I don't know when I started associating grilling with orange pop, but I feel like it had to have been in the last 10 years. I don't remember ever drinking it when I was a kid. It doesn't really matter because it accompanies it perfectly.

I stuffed myself with veggie dogs, fruit salad and asparagus then washed it all down with a. cold bottle of Olde Brooklyn. As far as orange sodas go it was fairly standard. Nothing stood out bad or great about it. The same company that makes Sioux City also makes this soda, so I always expect greatness from it. The three flavors I've had so far have been fairly average. There's nothing bad about that. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to do, just not going above and beyond.

I just went to the toity and the smell of my pee took me by surprise. You win this round asparagus.

Honest Tea is fairly common. You might not find it in every gas station or mini mart, but a majority of grocery stores I've visited have it. Due to the fact that it's right in front of my face all of the time, I tend to take them for granite. For that Honest I am sorry. Every time I end up picking up one of your drinks I am reminded of the high level of quality that you keep in your beverages. This tea is no different.

It's made from white tea, which in case you didn't know if the same plant as green and black teas, but it's harvested a lot earlier. This way it has less caffeine and more of those crazy antioxidants everyone is talking about these days. To add even more antioxidants they added acai to the mix. You can't really taste that particular fruit in the mix and I for one am okay with that. It gets put into everything now a days and I'm getting a little sick of it. The mango on the other hand shines through nicely. It lets the tea do most of the talking in the flavor conversation, but it still puts in some good points every now and then. Another good thing about the Honest company is that they don't over-sweeten their teas. They use cane sugar and agave syrup to make the tea "just a tad sweet." Something I greatly appreciate.

I couldn't have said it better than Zack. "It tastes a bit mediciny." It's lightly sweetened, decent flavor, but something is off. The longer you keep it in your mouth, the stranger it gets. I don't know why I keep things longer in my mouth. Maybe it's because I'm a scientist. Because I am trying to get a place where this doesn't taste strange? I'm really not impressed. You know who else isn't impressed? Ice Cube and Ian Mackaye. Using "xxx" on this label serves less than no purpose. Is it a "codename" for the flavors? I guess that's what it is, but you know what? Those dudes don't like it. I don't even know them and they don't like it.

I don't know how you got diabetes. Your doctor wouldn't give me your chart due to something called "doctor/patient confidentiality" which I find bogus. I do know that you and your little body don't handle sugar too well. For this reason, I have purchased you, my friend, a six-pack of Zevia Mountain Zevia. I know, I know. It's just like the U2 song "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" except instead of "Sunday" it's Zevia and you also have to replace "Bloody" with "Mountain" but aside from that; carbon copy.

Go ahead take a sip. Take a big, bigger sip. Didn't you say that Mountain Dew was your favorite? Doesn't thing remind you of all night LAN parties where you and your 7 closest friends would bring a TV, Xbox, and controller to someone's house, set them all up in the living room, and play Halo all night? A little bit? Yeah, well it's not the same thing, so why would you expect it to taste the same? It's sweetened with Stevia so it's not going to make you need that pen that you carry with the frighteningly large needle. It's a flash of that Mountain Dew grossness; I mean flavor, and then the cool aftertaste of the Stevia. It's not horrible, right? It's better than, say, regular Mountain Dew? Well look, this is the best you're going to do unless you want to lose a leg because of your dedication to "Doing the Dew" so deal with it. It's the thought that counts and I think you're being a jerk.

Recently I got to tour a coffee plantation. After trying Bai I was pumped to see (and try) coffee fruit. Unfortunately it wasn't the season for the fruit, so they weren't ripe yet. Of course that didn't stop me from picking what was available from the plants and the ground. Here is what I discovered: A) Not ripe coffee fruit just tastes like your run of the mill plant you would pull out of the ground. B) The dried out fruit on the ground tastes like old wood. Both were gross.

Bai apparently knows the proper time to harvest their coffee fruit because this does not taste anything like a poinsettia or some old Amish furniture. It's sweet, fruity and the stuff dreams are made out of. This really tastes like I mashed up a whole mess of blueberries and filtered out all the seeds and chunks. Do you realize how many blueberries that would take? I bet at least a five-gallon bucket of them would be needed to fill this bottle. Bai means business. Don't forget that. Ever.

Zero calories. No sugar. All-natural soda. All of these statements are true about Zevia sodas. In my opinion Zevia is the in process of single-handedly overthrowing the world of diet soda. They were the first company I knew of to use stevia as a sweetener. If this were a movie there would be a pivotal scene where the ambassador of Zevia would give a speech to the towns people to get them riled up. Of course he would be on a horse. He would tell the people that they have been fooled for all these years. Diet soda does not need to taste like butt, artificial butt at that. It can taste decent, and it can do so naturally. At the end of the speech everyone would cheer and then they would run into an epic battle where they would slaughter the armies of aspartame sucralose. When the smoke clears and the battle is finally over Zevia would be crowned king of the realm of diet soda.

In all seriousness this is one of the best diet sodas I've ever had. I have diabetic friends who swear by it, and I should have not taken so long to try it. It doesn't taste 100% like a "regular" soda, but it has the least diet taste of any that I've ever tried. I could go for a little stronger grapefruit flavor, but it's okay where it is now. Even though I haven't had it in over 15 years something about this instantly made me think of Faygo Frosh. I couldn't remember the name of it I just remembered it as the white Faygo that was always at my grandparent's house. It's apparently still in production. I had no idea.

What?! Bam! Explosion! Do me a favor...go to a fruit orchard, a place that I think I just invented. Place TNT on the fruit trees. It has to be the TNT that uses sticks of dynamite tied together and the box has to be red, have "TNT" spray-painted in white stencils, and have a plunger. Go to the center of the orchard, take a big gulp of sweet tea, hold it in your mouth with your mouth open, press the plunger, and wait for the fruit storm to arrive in your mouth.

This tea rules! Can I call it tea? Can I call you tea? It's a lemonade/tea hybrid, but don't get this confused with your standard, garbage Arnold Palmer. This tastes like mango, tangerine, tea, and lemonade. In that order. It's very good. It's not super sweet like you might expect from Calypso and they kind of toned down the uber-fruityness of a lot of their other ones.

I believe this is a new product so it might not be available everywhere. If you can find it, get it. Seriously, it's incredible. Calypso, thumbs up. Arnold Palmer, you would be lucky to have your name on this gem.

I'm going to just right off here by saying that this shouldn't have been the drink that I started with. I judged a book by its cover, saw purple, assumed grape, paid for it, got to the car, and was disappointed. I wanted grape. I desired grape. It's 100% my fault and I hold no blame towards Vital Energy for any sort of false advertising or foul play. I'm an idiot. It's as simple as that. I can read, too. I don't, but I can.

So drink review, huh? Well, as you can guess it tastes like acai with light fruit-ness. The acai is pretty strong but dies out quickly, which for me, is good. It's a light drink, lighter than Vitamin Water. What's extra nice about it is that for an energy drink with the equivalent of "a large cup of coffee", it doesn't taste like a handful of Smarties. Good job on that, dudes. I can say dudes because I actually met the guys behind this company at a Less Than Jake show over this past winter. Two young dudes from Rochester, New York manned the booth as I tried to mention good ol' Thirsty Dudes. They were too busy. Apparently they didn't know who I was, and I was with Jay so we were 2/3 of the powerhouse.

Check it out. This drink can compete with the big guys and it's made by two kids, yeah, I'll call them kids, who if they were any "regular" mid-twenty year old dude would rather be slaying ugly chicks on bar strips and working at a bank in the day time, all the while dreaming of their next beer blast. Good job on doing something with your life.

Hey bartender, serve me up a nice cold sarsaparilla. What, you don't have any? What kind of western bar is this? Okay, then fix me up something olde timey. Don't go slippin' no alcohol in there either. No I don't want a Shirley Temple! What do I look like a child to you? A non-alcoholic rickey you say? What on Earth is that? Oh a grown up version of a Shirley Temple. I guess I could try one of those. Let me get this right. This is half a lime squeezed into a glass of carbonated water? There normally is some sort of alcohol added, but you can replace that with any juice? Sir you have sold me on this drink. I will take one with raspberry juice. I do find it odd that of all the juices in the world you have some of the raspberry variety behind that rickety old bar.

This is outstanding. It definitely has an olde time feel to it. On my first couple of sips I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it reminded me of, but when it hit me there was no denying that it tasted like a fancier Shirley Temple. I believe I may be a fan for life.

Those of you that know me probably know that I have stomach issues. They started in high school and have persisted through my adult life. Blah. Blah. Blah. Woe is me. Well anyways a couple of years ago I realized that HFCS is what triggers a lot of the pain. I simply cut the majority of it out of my diet and for the most part I'm fine now. I still occasionally have issues, but who doesn't?

If I still had issues I would be all over probiotic drinks. They balance out the bacteria in your stomach and helps with digestion. That will lead to you have a smiling face, not unlike the one on the top of these little containers.

The mango is pretty fruity. There are also some bananas in here that poke their little heads into the flavor a bit. When I drank the first one of these I thought it tasted a bit medicinal. Perhaps I didn't shake it up enough, because this one did not taste that way. It has a pure fruit flavor. Try it out and give your stomach a little treat.

About three years ago I bought a couch. It has a nice leather bottom with microfiber cushions and a chez. I piled tons of kids on that for dozens of tacos and pizzas and everything in between. Recently, my girlfriend had been noticing that the cushions have been a bit lackluster and have lost a lot of their shape, leaving you in this slouched over, sunken, and kind of uncomfortable position. We decided that it was time to replace the cushions. It was a pretty cost effective options since replacing all of the foam was 1/7th the price of the couch itself. I felt good about it until we got the foam in and I had to re-stuff the cushions by hand. It was a tedious and long endeavor. I tried my hardest to get everything in without ripping the covers and after about 45 minutes of wrestling foam, I was on my final push to get the chez foam in, I ripped the cover. You can't see it, although it's a large rip. I felt defeated and quite dehydrated so I knew I needed something quenching.

I went and grabbed this lemon lime drink, flash chilled it in the freezer for a few minutes and started slamming it. It's good. It smells like a Sprite or a 7-Up but with a fraction of the sugar taste. It's a pretty calm taste, which you wouldn't expect from the smell, but that's what made it so drinkable.


I've never seen this in stores but the ones that I've had so far have been pretty good. This is not like Vitamin Water which, to me, is what I would grab if I wanted a juice. This also is stronger than a Hint. This is kind on in a category all it's own. Either that or it's right where you would expect it to be based off of the range that I just gave you.