United States - 4098 Reviews

I went to a school and our mascot was a Spartan. That being said, I feel like one out of every ten schools has a Spartan as their mascot. Seems like a limited pool of available mascots. Anyhow, had I cared about sports, and was on the football team in high school, and this company existed, I might write them a little something like this:

Dear Spartos,
My name is Mike and I am the defensive tackle for my high school football team. Why am I bringing this up? Because our mascot is the Spartan. Why do you care? Look, sir or madame, I know that your company is called "Spartos" but we're all coming from the same region with this thing.

I was wondering if you would be nice enough to sponsor us with your protein water. We could have those theater nerds paint us a banner with your logo on it. Also, I'm only calling them nerds because that's what we, the football team, have to do. Haven't you ever seen a John Hughes film? The football team, AKA "jocks" always pick on the theater kids or anyone that is creative and can think for themselves. We don't want to, but we have to. They understand. They watch the same movies we do. Anyhow, after testing your grape lemonade drink, I think that it's something that we, the team, can get behind. It's got a little bit of a fake sweetener taste and a little bit of that protein thickness, but you kept the calories down which is good for us stereotypical high school football kids. We like to blast Smashmouth in the weight room and drink this because it makes the proteins go where they need to like our quads. The grape and lemonade are actually noticed and appreciated. Good fruit and tartness from both players, much like me on the fields interactive with my tight end. No, not my butt. Get it? See, I'm seventeen and think that butts are hilarious. I'll grow out of that, right?

If you think that we would help push product, please let us know. We are a hard working team with a mediocre to poor record that could use all the help we can get. Yes we will share with the wrestling team but we will not share with the video game club. Those nerds are already sponsored by Mountain Dew. I don't know what it is about video games and Mountain Dew but those two are eternally together.

Sincerely,
High school junior, fake, dramatized, Mike Literman.

Hi, Skip Gator here. When diving into the gator pit to get your wrestle on it's very important to be hydrated and to have your daily serving of vitamins. Now many of my competitors do this the old fashioned way with a bottle of water and some multi-vitamins from the drug store. I say, “Who has time for that?” I need to get getting myself psyched up for the rush of the fight. That is why I combine the two and down a bottle of V Blast. They even have formulated a specific blend for me that they call “Gator Pit.” They know my love of all things green includes limes, so they made my drink lemon lime flavored, heavy on the lime. Mrs. Gator says that it smells like a green freeze pop, I can't argue with her. She also says it's way more lime than lemon and tastes like that self same freeze pop if it didn't have a harshness to it. What can I say? My lady knows how to exactly pin point a flavor. Don't get her wrong, she doesn't mean that in a bad way either, it's just the way things are.

The fun in V Blast comes in the fact that the vitamins are stored in the cap and when you open it they are dropped into the liquid below. That helps keep the vitamins fresh for optimal use by the body. It also gives the whole thing a bit of a children's vitamin flavor as well. It's interesting and fun. Oh did I mention the vitamin flavor severely decreases the taste of the sucralose used to sweeten this puppy? Well it does, and for that I'm grateful. You gotta keep in top shape to tangle with a gator and sugar is a big no no in my world.

Welp, the bells a ringing and that means it's time for me to jump into the pit. With the extra boost I got from V Blast this fight will be a cinch.

Before I even start this I would like to say that if you are a big baby and don't like the taste of vegetables don't even bother with this drink. This drink doesn't want people like you to drink it. There are plenty of people out there who would love and treat it the way it deserves to be treated.

There are five simple ingredients here: apple, purple cabbage, parsley, lemon and ginger. These five little things make a truly wonderful beverage. If you ever wondered what health tasted like, look no further than this bottle. All five flavors are easily distinguishable with each sip. Even after a good shake, the parsley is the most present with the first couple of mouthfuls. It's kind of like chewing on some parsley and then taking a big gulp of juice. It sounds kind of gross, but in reality it's nice and refreshing. After you start to become accustomed to it, the other flavors blossom into greatness. For those of you with sensitive mouths, you'll be happy to know that you can taste the ginger, but it doesn't have a crazy burn to it.

If you've ever gotten a beverage at a juice bar you probably have a good idea of what this is like. I've never had a bottled juice that tasted so fresh before. You could have told me that this came fresh out of the juicer and I would have no reason to question you.

This is cold pressed and raw. I never thought about the way fruit and vegetables are juiced, but now that I have had this, and it's so simple, I have to say that cold pressed is the way to go. On top of that I've has an upset stomach for most of the day, and this definitely helped in easing my minimal suffering.

If you looked at me, you would say, "There is a kid who doesn't work out." I'm not fat, or even flabby, but I'm not terribly in shape. It's not for lack of trying. I ride my bike and have had multiple gym memberships. I just can never find the time. You know what I'm talking about. It's just such a hassle to go to work, come home, eat, change, go to the gym, get sweaty, come home, shower. Whatever. That's nonsense. I'll just eat less so I don't have to deal with that garbage.

I don't understand the whole carb up before or after and sugar now and not then and this is when you add protein and whatever. That whole rigamaroll. For this reason, you don't see me drinking a lot of protein drinks. That's half the reason why. The other half reason is because they can be chalky, tangy, and all sorts of terrible stuff. This drink is trying to not be but still can't shake the crud factory that is it's inevitable adulthood as a protein drink.

Initially you have the promise of something good. You get a good fruit flavor but before you have time to discover what it is your taste buds are quickly rinsed by an over abundance of Stevia. After your mouth recovers from that, it's that familiar taste of protein drinks; the slightly thick, gritty, odd taste. There is also yerba mate as an ingredient, which provides you with a bit of bitterness that might actually salvage some of the good, drinkable flavor that this drink has.

If you are familiar with protein drinks, this may be good. I think that less Stevia might save this drink at least a little bit. You can't win them all. If the guy who works at Subway has taught me anything it's that "no one's battin' 1000."

If there is one thing I've learned in my 33 years on this planet it is that Brisk is the bastardization of tea. It doesn't even particularly taste like tea. It's more of flavored sugar water. One might think that with that being the way the world is perhaps Brisk would be able to make a decent sweet tea, since it also entails a butt load of sugar. One would be wrong, so very wrong. Not only does this not taste like any tea that you would brew (which sometimes is an okay thing, it's just a different flavor), but they also used high fructose corn syrup instead of real sugar. In my world, and the world's of a majority of the people in this country it's not sweet tea unless there is real sugar involved. It's the taste of the sugar that makes it a sweet tea. So they got the tea aspect wrong, and the sweetener. The only real thing this has going for it is that kids aren't very familiar with the taste of proper tea and they love super sweet drinks, so they will probably drink this by the gallon. Luckily for them this comes in a one liter bottle, which is supposed to contain 4 servings, but you know most of the slobs that would buy this would drink it all in a sitting.

Note to our readers: I drank less than a quarter of this. As a grown ass man I don't need this garbage in my life.

I'm surprised that it took me as long as it did to have a half and half. I mean, it's lemonade and tea. Two liquids that are pretty good together. I think it takes a whole new level. Even cruddy iced tea and cruddy lemonade makes a pretty good half and half. Somehow, two average things put together can make something great. I'm not saying this drinks two protagonists are cruddy but we can all admit that they're not the finest. Together, though, you get a good amount of lemonade and iced tea that battle it out for your love. It's not often that you people fight over your mouth. It's not like you are a pretty girl and everyone wants to kiss you. You have a beard and haven't showered in a week. Easily a week. You have been wearing the same t-shirts for a decade and have awful taste in music. In real life no one is fighting for your mouth. This is your chance to see what it's like.

I liked Atari Teenage Riot. It's probably still good but I haven't really listened to "60 Second Wipeout" in a long time. Either way, all I have in my head is "Sick To Death" in my head because this winter has gone on too long. I am just done. I now completely sympathize and understand why old people move from the Northeast to Florida. Florida sucks, but at some point, you just, and rightfully so, don't feel like having to deal with it any more. I just wear coats all the time and I'm sick of it. I was thinking last week that I want to go to a barbecue and I'm almost to the point where I will stand outside in eleven jackets just to make myself a couple of hot dogs on the grill.

Barbecue is where this pop comes in. It's orange pop. Plain and simple. It's not great but it's orange. It isn't gross and it isn't fantastic. Right, smack dab in the middle. I didn't expect anything more because it's orange pop. I don't think I've ever had an exceptional orange pop. I don't know if it exists. I would like to be proven wrong but I don't care if I'm not. It's orange pop. It's only drunk at kid's parties and, to a lesser extent, adult barbecues. Don't ever offer me an orange pop anywhere else. I will be mildly offended.

In 2011 I came across a can of Havoc Energy Drink in a Big Lots in Lansing, MI. Our friend Christian was filling in on drums for my band for a tour and we were there teaching him the songs. As you can see from the review I gave it below, it was garbage. It also had been out of production since 2008, as I learned when I received an email from the gentleman who had recently purchased the company and was planning on reformulating it. Way to have expired goods Big Lots. Anyways, cut to early 2013 and here I sit with a slim can of the reformulated Havoc. I can happily say that it is much better. Luckily it no longer tastes like cough syrup. Instead it tastes like a mixture of raspberry and cherry sodas with a general energy drink taste mixed in. It's a flavor that doesn't normally exist in the energy drink universe, and I appreciate the change of pace.

While this isn't really anything groundbreaking, it is worlds better than the old version. I really have nothing bad to say about this, it just kind of blends in with most of the other energy drinks on the shelves, even though it is not a usual flavor. Actually, you know what? I think I would be more likely to grab one of these from a gas station than the usual suspects in the cooler if I was in need of a little boost on a late night. Havoc, you just bumped yourself up to four bottles.


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Old Product Review:

To quote the ever-clever Tony Flaminio, "This drink played 'havoc' on my taste buds." When an energy drink is marked down to $.60, there's probably a good reason, and that reason is probably because it's pretty gross. It tastes like someone took a bottle of cherry cough syrup and combined it with a two liter of sweetened seltzer water. Who wants that? My guess is no one, and that leads me back to the price drop. You may be tempted to buy it because it's cheap, but I say save that change, buy an apple or something with it. You'll be much happier.

EDIT (2011):
I was just emailed and informed that this product has not been in production since 2008. That means this was old and more than likely expired. Thanks Big Lots. The Havoc company has been bought out since then and is going to start producing new drinks soon. So basically if you see this out there check those expiration dates so you don't have a situation like we did.

Hawaiian Punch energy drink. I don't know how else to describe it because that is exactly how it tastes. Instead of reading me ramble incoherently, you should listen to The Best Show right now because they are having a fundraiser tonight and those shows are always entertaining: http://www.wfmu.org/playlists/BS

I went to Hawaii for a friends wedding a few years ago. Before we left for the islands I had very little interest in our destination. Sure I knew I was going to have fun, but I'm not really a beach guy as the sun causes my skin to combust after a very short period of time. It's now two years later and I still talk about the trip all of the time. I'm a person who travels a decent amount, and I've seen a lot of places, but going to Kauai was one of the best experiences of my life. A couple of us have been talking about arranging another trip back, and as a result I have been selling a whole mess of junk I have around the house to raise money. I will surf. I will jump off waterfalls, and most importantly I will do it in exchange for records and such that I never listen to.

Drinking this lemonade, has given me another push to put a bunch of stuff up on eBay again this week so I can reach my goal of flight/hotel basically in trade. I drank a whole mess of lemonade over the week and half I spent on Kauai, and since my mind has been on it for the past few weeks, one sip of this brought be right back there. This is nicely tart, but with some agave sweetness to even it out. It's water, lemon juice and a sweetener. It's how lemonade should be. I'll never know why companies add a ton of extraneous ingredients to their lemonade. This is all there needs to be and it's wonderful.

Now I will go through my record collection again and thin it out for the cause.

Dude? I'll drink thicker drinks all of the day. Creamy, syrupy, so on and so forth. I'll do it. Thing about it is that I want to know what I'm getting into when I open drinks. This drink was a strange, syrupy drink. It tasted fine, a lemon lime drink that isn't carbonated which, if you think about it, is kind of weird. When have you ever drunk a drink that is lemon lime that isn't pop? I don't think they make many of those. Associating a flavor with a type of drink aside, this drink is still a little strange. It tastes like they used a gallon of agave. I like agave, but it seems to make the drinks a little thicker than you might be used to.

Kids are dumb. They'll drink anything as long as it's sweet. This is sweet and has kids playing soccer and skateboarding and stuff on the package. Kids will love it. It's made for kids, not disgustingly cynical thirty year olds. Kids? Get some standards. Me? Lay off kids. They're just kids.

Driving down some old country road Martin passed a fruit stand. He decided he would treat himself to a nice healthy snack, so he turned around and stopped. Being from the big city he couldn't believe how cheap the produce was at this stand. Knowing that he would kick himself for passing up such a great deal, he bought the entire stock and told the peddler to go enjoy the rest of the day as they loaded it into the back of his BMW. As he drove off into the summer haze Martin chucked an apple core out of the window and cranked up the Huey Lewis on the stereo.

It's now a week later in Martin's high-rise luxury apartment and the air is starting to thicken with fruit flies. Martin had never bought large quantities of produce before. He would normally stop by the local Whole Foods and buy what he needed for the meal he was making that night. Now that he had a couple of crates improperly stored around the apartment, he didn't know what to do with it. It hadn't all fit into his fridge with all his bottled water and micro brewed beer, so he had left it on the counters. That's how people seemed to store their fruit in movies. Apparently the silver screen had lied to him. He called his sister in Tampa to see if she had any ideas and she recommended he try the juicer she had bought him last Christmas, which was undoubtedly sitting unopened in the back of his closet. It was. Not knowing how to actually make juice Martin just dumped it all in together; sweet potatoes, grapes, apples, peaches, carrots, and mangos. He had no idea why a fruit stand in rural Illinois was selling mangos, but they were fifty cents each, so how could he pass that up.

It was only when he was pouring himself his first glass that Martin realized that he might have made a horrible mistake mixing everything together. Mangos and sweet potatoes, what was he thinking? He took a tentative sip, and then a much larger gulp. Everything was coming up Marvin. It was delicious. It had a general sweet fruit flavor, with the peaches and the mangos more exposed than everything else. There was an ever so slight vegetable flavor in the background, but he thought that no one would ever notice that unless they were told what was in it. The more he drank, the more he decided he liked it. He pulled up Wikipedia and did some searching and found exactly how healthy this drink he had created was. He also looked up ways to get rid of fruit flies…€¦it looked like he was going to have cups of vinegar around the house for a few days. That was unfortunate, but this juice was great and healthy for him. It was then that he decided to call his uncle Mort who was a big wig at Tropicana and sell them his juice. He decided he would call it “Fruit Stand.” As he waiting for the secretary to patch him into his uncles office he began to daydream of how he would retire from this deal and spend the rest of his days following around Huey Lewis like he was the Grateful Dead. Life was good for Martin.

In the beginning there was Gatorade, and life seemed good for those who played sports. The big win didn't count until the winning team dumped a cooler of electrolyte filled liquid on their head coach. Then Powerade began being stocked on shelves and in coolers and people the whole world …€˜round said, “Why the hell do we need this inferior product when Gatorade exists?” The people were right to judge and Gatorade continued to reign supreme. Then the stars aligned and Vitamin Water burst onto the scene. It was like the beloved Gatorade, but with added vitamins and minerals to make it even more functional. On top of that the flavors actually had a variety of tastes, unlike the general Gatorade base with hints of other flavor. Thus began the age of the vitamin, but with all dynasties hubris took hold and Vitamin Water stopped coming out with new flavors and the world grew bored with them. They still drank it, but they did not love it the way they once did.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to a new age, a new dynasty of rehydration/sports drinks. It goes by the name A Game and it is what you have been waiting for. It is a drink that falls somewhere between the greatness of Gatorade and Vitamin Water. It has all the properties of a classic bottle of Gatorade, but it is bursting with flavor. It also has a bunch of vitamins added to it to round it out. You want to rehydrate? Well this has some sea salt in it and it puts other electrolytes to shame. It also has clover honey. That's right, they care so much that they used honey. Everyone loves honey. It even calms those angry bees.

With a flavor called “citrus” you would expect something generic like orange or lemon-lime, but this has a nice blend of different citrus fruit flavors that stands out on its own due to the sea salt and honey.

If this doesn't start being carried in gas stations and mini-marts all around the country I believe it may be a sign of the impending apocalypse.

I'll tell you what I need now is a taste of the tropics. I'm tired of the snow and the cold. Layers are for idiots. If I didn't have any friends or family, number one: I feel like I would be really depressed, but number two: I would go somewhere nice. I went to Key West a couple of years back and that was nice. It has a certain small-town, local, petina feel to it. I liked it. The entire time I was drinking this I wanted to be back there. I got a good taste of pineapple but I can't really place anything else. That's not to say it was bad, I just couldn't decipher any other fruits. It had that salty, Gatorade taste to it that I somehow like. Oh, nothing suits me after a long day of crushing weights like a nice, salty juice.

This was good. The flavor line is pretty promising, too. Pomegranate Cherry and the other one is just a generic "citrus" which is fine with me. They are something to look forward to. Am I at all on my A game? Nope. I don't know what that sensation is at all but I'm quenched. I don't know the streets, but I might say that I'm half way there.

It's been quite some time since I've come across a new Boylan's flavor. Luckily I came across this one waiting at my front door for me. Gifts are always nice, especially when they are a limited release pop. I don't know what exactly makes a Shirley Temple a seasonal release. I mean you can go bowling any time of the year and while beer may be the official drink of most bowlers, those of us who do not drink alcohol know that there is no other choice on the lanes than a Shirley Temple.

I just looked it up and I was shocked to discover that the actress Shirley Temple is still alive. I had always assumed that she had passed on…€¦crazy. I also discovered that her birthday is April 23rd, so perhaps this soda will be seasonal in celebration of her birth. I can accept that.

The best part of this soda is that Boylan got it correct. They used the proper base of ginger ale and not lemon lime and some people who like to cheap out use. Everyone knows that ginger ale is a superior soda, and it is what belongs in a Shirley Temple. You take that superior soda and put a splash of grenadine in it and bam there you go, a tasty beverage. This tastes exactly like it should. The only thing more I could ask for is for there to be a cherry floating in the bottle. Now that would be true magic. Well, that and me bowling a 300 tonight.

Does anyone else out there think that iced mocha drinks are the adult equivalent to chocolate milk? Like most prepackaged versions I have tried this is a very milky drink that has a nice blend of chocolate and coffee added to it, oh and a healthy heap of sugar. If you are a hardcore black coffee drinker this certainly is not for you, but if you like fancier gateway coffee drinks, step right up my friend. Seriously, if this were labeled coffee flavored chocolate milk, I wouldn't even question it, and kids would be getting all sorts of hopped up on caffeine. Now that is something this world doesn't need. Lay off the caffeine kids, you have enough natural energy as it is.

I don't want this to sound negative or inappropriate, but I wanted this drink to make me choke. After drinking this I wanted it to do the same thing. I wanted each sip to be punishing but deserving of another go. Once again, it's not bad that it didn't but a man has his standards.

This was sweeter than it was asphyxiating. The trade-off left me with a little more syrupy, candy-esque cinnamon. It was good but everyone agreed that it was just too sweet. If you could make cinnamon apples and just ate the cinnamon candy shell, that's what this would be.

Look, I don't want this to seem like I'm into choking because I'm not. I'm fixated on the punishment that I wanted from a drink. That might be just as concerting.

There are two things that this drink reminds me of. First is the most suburban America restaurant I can think of: Olive Garden. I would like to go on record and say that anywhere that has endless breadsticks, salad and soup is in no way shape of form a fancy restaurant. There is no need to pull out your fanciest clip on tie, and your slightly stained suit coat to take your family out for a meal there; t-shirts and jeans are just fine. Also, it's not gourmet food. It's a crappy chain restaurant that has a fake fancy image to trick the common folk. The one thing it goes have going for it is that they serve peach bellini, which is a nice tasting peach and raspberry iced tea with chunks of peach in it. Now that is something to brag to your friends about, not how large the portions of mediocre pasta are.

To be fair Olive Garden is my only form of reference for peach bellinis. Apparently, it's normally an alcoholic drink that is a mix of peach schnapps and champagne. That sounds horrendous, especially because in the way back time in the early 90's when I actually would drink alcohol I drank way too much peach schnapps and vommed everywhere and it was black and stringy. I couldn't eat anything peach for years.

This is closer to the Olive Garden version than that other unmentionable version. In moderation it tastes like a watered down peach/raspberry tea, but if you add more mix to give it a bit more flavor there is some weird taste floating around beneath the surface. I don't know what it is, but it tastes remotely like plastic. This is to flavor water though, not make a sweet drink, so follow the directions and go light on your squirt and it's a nice treat that has no sugar and no real diet taste.

Oh, and that other thing that each bellini reminds me of? Well, that would be the Kids in the Hall's “Touch Bellini” contest. In fact I'm going to have my own “Touch Bellini” contest. For the next week anyone who sends us an email to thethirstydudes@gmail.com or comments on our Facebook page as to why they should be able to “touch bellini” will be put into the running to receive what is left in this squeeze bottle of drink mix. Kraft sent it to us to review, so we shall pass along our leftovers to you, our twelve readers.

Can someone look back at the Truman Show-esque tapes of my life and tell me exactly what happened to make me such a fool for melon? When I was younger I never disliked melon, but I always thought of it as just there. In fruit salad it was the filler. One of the greatest Simpsons' quotes is about how cantaloupe doesn't matter when it comes to honey dew. I don't think a good laugh is enough to change my taste buds though. It remains a mystery, but I love melon these days.

For years I have been talking about how all I want is a bottle of cantaloupe juice. Think of how amazing that would be. It would be so damn flavorful. The last place I expected to get a little fix for my urge would be in a bottle of Gatorade. While this is a far cry from a glass of actual melon juice, it does taste enough like a mix of cantaloupe and honey dew to satisfy me until science comes through for me. It mostly has that general Gatorade flavor, with notes of said melons. This is the kind of Gatorade I would drink at an early morning sports practice. Remember that dumb summer when I decided to join the school football team and had to waste my vacation getting up way to early? You don't? Well looks like you should rewind those tapes of my life a bit further. I forced a fumble once that won us a game. That play probably consisted of 75% of the game time I actually got. Go make some popcorn, you're in for a wild ride.

Sometimes you can just cram a couple berries together and make something nice. This isn't always the case. Most fruit and berries are pretty good but sometimes you find something that just sucks up your drink. I feel like, for the most part, you could add grapefruit to anything and it will turn your concoction into the equivalent of a fruit poop. Yeah, if fruit had butts, it would make that. Blackberry, a pretty sacred berry, and blueberry...eh..., come together for an epic collaboration that you will talk about like it was 1992 and you just heard "Nothin' But A 'G' Thang" for the first time. Now, sure, in that case, Snoop and Dr. Dre are both blackberries since they are both awesome and calling either of them blueberries would be insulting to their bodies of work.

This is a pretty great drink, though, all jokes aside. It's diet but does not taste like it and just tastes like a juice. Go ahead. Go to a Snoop Dogg/Lion show and make him a glass of this. He'll love it. He'll (slowly) say that it's sweet, tastes like the fruits that are in it, and probably ask for another glass since, I don't know, I feel like he's eternally thirsty. Dr. Dre is in cahoots with Dr. Pepper so he probably wouldn't drink this for you. That's not a dis, it's just that I don't want you to get shot down. Go with Snoop.

Ps. Kraft sent us this sample. They want us to make sure we say that.