Kristall Swedish Cranberry

Kristall Swedish Cranberry
With Xmas rapidly approaching little Bobby grew more nervous by the second. While other kids his age were ecstatic about all the presents that were about to be gifted upon them, Bobby suffered from a deep-set fear of his family dinner on the 25th of December. It wasn't that his family was crazy (they were), or that they were prone to squabble over the most trivial of things (they would). His nausea stemmed from the fact that he knew that he would not be able to leave the table until he finished all of his cranberry sauce: the quivering gelatinous mound of bitterly sweet garbage that passed as food only on holidays. Last year he sat at the table until 2:30 on the morning before he was able to get it all down. Ugh. In order to better acclimate himself with the taste of this garbage he had begun drinking a class of cranberry juice every day. Each 24-hour period would result in him sneaking a tiny glass from his mom's stash and forcing it down his throat. After a couple of days he was actually okay with it. It had a weird taste but once he got used to it, he even liked it a little. One would think that he would be ready for the big day, but he knew in his heart of hearts that a glass of Ocean Spray was in reality no comparison to the maroon mound that would be set before him.

His aunt was visiting a couple of days before the holiday to help his mom set everything up. She was the cool aunt. You know the kind that doesn't have any kids of her own. They listen to cool music, maybe have a piercing or two. That was aunt Jeanie. She could sense something was up with Bobby, so she cornered him and asked what was up. He told her his fear, and she said not to worry and that they were going for a little adventure. They jumped in her crappy car covered in stickers of bands that no one who wasn't a teenager during the 90's even remembered and drove to Whole Foods. She didn't say a word, and only bought a single bottle of soda. She poured it into an old Taco Bell cup and handed it to Bobby and told him to drink up. He loved it! It was amazing! It was sweet, fruity and nicely carbonated. After his praise slowed down, Aunt Jeanie showed him the bottle. It was Kristall Cranberry soda. She then told him to take another sip and think of the cranberry sauce they were going to be eating in a few days time. Didn't it taste exactly the same, except with some bubbles? As much as he wanted to deny this claim Bobby looked up to his aunt too much to lie to her. She had him this did taste like cranberry sauce, but how was this good and the sauce like a "festering bowl of dog snot?" She told him to just close his eyes and think of this pop when he was eating his dinner. That's just what he did, and you know what? It was still completely disgusting. Bobby realized the problem with cranberry sauce wasn't the flavor. It was that godforsaken texture. He managed to scarf it down by 10PM that night, but he really couldn't wait until he was old enough to prepare his own plate of food on Xmas so he could skip it altogether.
Juice, Soda Pop and Sparkling
United States
Cane Sugar
Jason Draper on 12/19/11, 3:16 PM
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