Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

Dublin is famous for many things. Mostly all I care about are bands from there; U2, Thin Lizzy and My Bloody Valentine to name a few. I once played an insane house show in that very Irish city, where kids were literally spilling out of windows. Dublin is also the home of the first bottling of Dr. Pepper. Oh wait, that is a completely different city, in a completely different country. For years when people talked about Dublin Dr. Pepper I really thought that it was made in Ireland. As it turns out it was made in a little town in Texas, until the higher ups at Dr. Pepper shut down production due to breach of contract (I believe). It's a shame because I know a lot of people really loved the cane sugar version in the glass bottle. One such person is Cassandra Peterson (aka Elvira) who wrote a nice eulogy of the soda for us.

To be honest I didn't even know the plant was still in operation. I certainly had no idea that they had their own line of sodas. I figured they were a bottler for Snapple or something. I'm glad they kept going because I am one for tradition and my ladyfriend will sigh and vouch that I am not one for change. This company has been bottling soda since the late 1800s, and that is awesomely ridiculous.

As a nod to the old days this bottle has a nice retro look. I feel dirty for typing those words because most things that are described as retro end up being cheap and not worth anyone's time. This though, this is a nice look for a classic soda flavor. Actually I don't know if Cherry Limeade is in fact a classic flavor, but it always seemed like something that should be available at the soda shoppe. If you're not familiar with the flavor, the name says it all. It's like a sparkling lemonade (made with limes instead of lemons) with cherry syrup mixed in. It's like a Shirley Temple without the lemon in the lemon-lime base. This may not taste like real fruit, but I don't think I would even want it to. There are some flavors of soda that should be straight up sugary sweet and syrupy. This is one of them, and Dublin has done it right.

Every wonder why fruits and vegetables are different colors? Of course you haven't because we are adults, who don't have the curiosity of children and such things play no part in our everyday lives. I for one do not think I have ever contemplated such a thing, but I have just learned that beta-carotene is what gives carrots, pumpkins, sweet potatoes and other reddish orange vegetables their color. For some reason knowing that gives me a satisfied feeling. Of course I'm still a dumb adult and won't further look into other hues of food, but for now I'm feeling okay.

Dose, with their logo that I can't get enough of for its simplicity, has created a line of vitamin based shot beverages to help people live a healthier lifestyle. Instead of taking a whole mess of pill vitamins in the morning you can just down one of these pleasant tasting 5oz beverages. Each can contains the equivalent to a handful of various pills that will no longer get caught in your throat when you try to take them without enough water. In a world of fast food and fast living more people than I would care to admit would benefit greatly from these. In addition to the B-Carotene the drinker also gets their daily dose of iron as well as vitamins E and C.

Due to the fact that all I knew about Beta-Carotene going into this endeavor was that it was in carrots and it helped with eyesight (it apparently has a whole mess of other benefits as well), I full expected this to have a carrot taste to it, even though it's labeled orange. I prepared my taste buds for a combination of those two flavors, but all I got was orange that reminded me of Tang, which is not a bad thing. In fact there is no orange listed in the ingredients list. There is apple juice though, and now that I know that I can totally pick it out. It's what's giving this the not quite real orange flavor. Again, I'm not complaining. I actually enjoy it; I'm just trying to explain it for you to the best of my ability. It is a slightly odd flavor choice as it says not to give it to children, and it tastes like a healthier kids drink to me. Oh well vitamins for all!!! (except children and pregnant women, they get to suffer from malnourishment).

Yesterday my sister had a baby. Not like she had a baby over to visit, I mean she gave birth to a little girl. To celebrate this I decided to drink this bottle of Hey Mama! iced tea. Then through the use of some sort of dark arts I shall transfer all benefits this would normally give a new mom to her, you know using bloodlines and such. That's how these things work right?

This tea in particular is supposed to aid with lactation. It also has a large heap of chamomile in it to help the new mother calm down and just relax a bit. There are vaguely strange things for an iced tea to promise but if it's what the mothers need, it's what they'll get.

Let me state that I bought this tea on accident. I mean I intentionally purchased it, but I was in a haze of buying dozens of drinks in bodegas in NYC. Manhattan and Brooklyn are hotspots for new drinks. In a world where it's rare that I come across something we haven't already reviewed I felt like I was drowning in a sea of wonderful beverages and my bank account was draining. I would go into the coolers and just grab anything we hadn't reviewed yet. I registered that this was a tea that we had not reviewed so I bought it. I didn't notice that it was specifically for mothers, not that it would have stopped me. What would have potentially stopped me was the price. It looked like it said $1.99, but it actually said $4.99. A hefty price for a tea, but once I realized it was brewed for a specific reason I understood, even if I think it was still a tad pricey.

Enough rambling, on with the taste. This tastes like someone started to brew some root beer from scratch, but only put in half the ingredients, leaving out the wintergreen, vanilla and sarsaparilla. Instead they replaced them with pomegranate and blueberry and doubled the amount of licorice. It tastes like a fruity, woodsy concoction, meaning that it tastes like someone soaked wood (specifically licorice switches) in a pot of juice. It's unusual, but not unpleasant. If you don't like fennel/licorice I wouldn't immediately write this off. It doesn't taste like black licorice or black jelly beans. It has a much milder flavor that tastes completely natural. It's not something I would drink on the regular, but I could see myself enjoying it from time to time. The chamomile really does calm you down a bit as well.

Okay I might as well say it, no I did not experience any lactation being a male, who is obviously never had a child. For thinking that you are in fact the child though, but so are we on this end because we joked about it and giggled a lot. Now on to the vitamin transference.

With a name like Sprizz-O for a beverage that boasts to be “Juice & Seltzer Water” I would expect simplicity. In my head its creation would go something along the lines of putting juice in a glass and adding just a spritz of seltzer water to give it some carbonation. That it's that's all that would go into it, and you know what it would be great. Sure in this instance it would be sour because of the grapefruit juice and a tad bitter because of the seltzer water, but it would be pure and simple. It would be something to embrace. Unfortunately, most of the world would not share in my jubilation for such a beverage, and Sprizz-O knows it. As a result they included sugar into the mix to tame the sour/bitter taste that nature had intended.

I can't blame them. They are a business and I'm sure they will sell way more bottles this way instead of the way I envisioned. To be fair they also only added minimal sugar (9g), and you still get most of the sourness from the grapefruit. They added just enough to take a bit of the edge off. It's not ideal for one such as me, but it's close enough that I can't complain. So ignore everything I wrote previously. This is a great sparkling beverage that more people should replace their normal soda intake with.

Where is the classic bottle? I feel cheated that I am drinking a Pop Shoppe soda that is not in a “stubbie” bottle. Look at our other reviews if you don't know what I'm talking about. Growing up 10 minutes from Canada, Pop Shoppe played a role in my childhood and their iconic bottles were a big part of it. Actually it was more likely College Club from Rochester, NY just using their bottles after Pop Shoppe closed down in '83, but my memories are the same. My friends and I would walk down to the store, pay our quarter each and grab a bottle from the cooler. Inevitably one of us would not open the bottle with the opener at the store, and forget that it didn't have a twist off cap, so far too much time would be devoted to trying to get the bottle open on a curb or something. We were kids, we were dumb…€¦.wait I opened a bottle on a curb just last week. Okay, so I may be an adult now, but I'm still dumb apparently. My point is those bottles were a big part of the Pop Shoppe charm. Their sodas generally fall on the better side of average (read: store brand), but the fact that they come in glass bottles makes them seem more legit.

I'll try to put my bottle envy in check to review this. Flat out, it's a strange root beer. It has a slight medicinal taste to it, and it makes me think that someone mixed a bottle of root beer with a bottle of Moxie. It makes me feel like it would be the kind of root beer that would be sold from the back of wagons in the old west. I don't really think that happened, but in my dreams it did, and you have no jurisdiction over my dreams. It also has a fairly strong wintergreen flavoring to it. Somehow after all of that it is still creamy. I don't hate it. In fact I find it fairly interesting. If all root beers tasted the same this planet would be an even more boring place to live.

When you've forsworn soy and dairy where is one to turn for protein based nutrition shakes? Why would you avoid such things? Oh I don't know, maybe a little thing called allergies, or perhaps a moral stance? Either way, those people exist in the world, and they need some protein after a workout just like the rest of us. True Solution is here to help those people out. They have developed a nutrition shake that derives its protein from peas and rice. I have no idea there was protein in peas. I guess that dumb, smelly vegetable had to be good for something. Luckily their gross taste isn't noticeable in the beverage. You can definitely taste rice though, but I'm not complaining. Actually the rice flavor is as potent as the vanilla, if not more. Who hates rice though? It's the water of food stuffs. It also cuts down on the grittiness that is common in protein based drinks.

In addition to the protein there are also 23 vitamins and minerals packed into this little carton to help in recovery and to just improve your life and diet. You know you've been slacking on your diet and every little bit helps.

Overall this tastes like a sweetened vanilla rice beverage with a tad bit of stevia in it. When it's nice and cold that flavor is masked, but if you take too long sipping your shake it starts to come out more and more until it leaves you with a weird gross aftertaste. You deserve to enjoy your beverage, so drink fast my friends.

I think it might be a stone cold fact that every American elderly woman who was a grandmother in the late 80's/early 90's drank Red Rose tea. Mine certainly did and everyone I've questioned about it came back with an affirmative response. Red Rose ruled the tea world at that time, and as an added bonus, the boxes came with little animal (Wade) figurines, which were nice for the grandchildren; everyone was a winner.

As I drank this tea all I could think of was Red Rose. This tastes exactly like how my grandmother's tea would taste cold. It's a nice black tea with a bit of sugar in it. It's actually probably about a spoonful. This is a nice genuine tea. It's not particularly fancy, but it's just black tea and sugar with a little citric acid in it. I've had many a cup of tea in my life from all sorts of companies, and this has the very specific Red Rose taste. I had other try this to confirm my thoughts and we all agreed. So where …€˜s my little figurine?

I'm pretty sure that if I was at some sort of gathering for my ladyfriend's family/friends and I was given this to drink, I would lean over and whisper/plead in her ear “Do I have to?” It would be an honest question as well, because I have no concept of how far I have to take social niceties so that I don't seem like a complete mutant. I don't often interact with “normal people” or grownups (yes I know I'm 35, but I swear I'm still a kid), and as a result I don't know how to properly act around them and I have a tendency to anger people or make them feel uncomfortable. So when someone hands you an iced tea by a company who doesn't have a great track record (and you've already turned down their offers for beer and other alcoholic beverages several times), can you say no thank you, or do you just accept it with a smile?

I will say that had I accepted with a smile, I wouldn't have been terribly disappointed. This is lacking the harshness that normally accompanies the Brisk name. It's also sweetened by a mixture of high fructose corn syrup and sucralose, which makes it more palatable. I mean sure it still tastes more like sweetened liquid than it does actual tea, but would you expect anything different?

There is no real mango in here, but it still mimics the taste at least slightly. I have to admit that this is the most reserved flavor of Brisk I have yet to encounter. Nothing is blasting you in the face. It's pretty calm on all fronts. It's still not great, but it's something I can sip on without grumbling too many complaints.

Dear readers, I was certainly not ready for today. Not ready at all. You see I go to the gym three times a week, and I have my little routine I do. It's a solitary thing that I do whilst listening to the Jen Kirkman and Julie Klausner podcasts. I've been doing it for probably about two years now. I saw the results I wanted early on, and now I'm just kind of maintaining that. Being a gentleman of 35 years I can no longer eat what I want all the time and just let my metabolism do its thing. It's fine, I actually enjoy it. Well today I ran into a friend there who is into weight lifting and I joined him and his cohort in their routine. I kept up way better than I expected and I was proud of myself. I felt worn out but good as I left the gym. It's now about two hours later and I am destroyed. It takes effort to lift my arms over my head. Tomorrow is not going to be a fun day, and I see myself getting zero work done at the print shop. It's going to be a nightmare. Seriously we did more/different exercises than I'm used to, but I didn't it were that crazy.

As things would have it, we recently received a box of these protein drinks in the mail, so what better time to down one then now? Power Crunch, who is known for their protein bars, has expanded their reach into ready to drink shakes. They've done something with these shakes that I have never come across before. It has 20g of protein in it, but it doesn't have the thick, grittiness to it that every other protein shake has. I shook the hell out of the bottle and the first sip was pretty close to what I would expect, but after that it's consistency was closer to water than anything else. It was strange, but nice for those of us who get a little skeeved out by the grit.

I don't know where the double chocolate comes into play here as all I see is cocoa on the ingredients list, but the chocolate flavor is does has is nice. It tastes like it was made from a decent bar of the good dark stuff, and not some garbage low grade filth that most chocolate drinks use. In fact the only downfall of this drink was that it was flavored with sucralose, but its inclusion is completely understandable, as this is for when you work out, and who wants to be downing real sugar then?

Okay, now I have to drag myself to band practice and hope I have the strength to play my bass. I'm such a child.

In the Batman mythology Dr. Penelope young worked out a way to combine Poison Ivy's plants and Venom, the chemical that gives Bane his strength, into a new formula she called Titan. It's a fast acting, small dosage version of Venom, which has some unfortunate side effects. If the Gotham world were real I would only assume that this beverage company had found a way to clean up Titan and infuse extremely small doses of it into their teas to create a powerful beverage.

I'm sure there would be a stronger version for superheroes to get a little pick me up and hydrate. Hydration is important, even to those who protect our fair city from tyranny. This though, this version is for the everyday Joe and Mary out there. It says it has caffeine and ribose in it for sustained energy, but we all know that is just hiding the fact that Titan is involved. They can call it whatever they want, as long as it gives us a little pick me up and tastes like it does. This drink is on the bitter side of the tea world, and I personally appreciate it. Far too many iced teas these days are overly sweetened and the flavor o the brew is lost in a sea of sweetness. In here you can definitely taste the tea, and it makes the beverage stand out. Also it actually tastes like peaches and not fake sweetness in that regard as well. To be more specific it tastes like the part of the peach that touches the pit. It's a weird part of the peach to strive for, as it's not as sweet as the outer part, but that's exactly what this tastes like.

My ladyfriend did not enjoy this as she said it was too bitter. That is the exact reason I love it. It tastes natural and proper. Nothing tastes artificial. I would guess that is Poison Ivy's doing. She always has had such a way with nature.

Forgive me, for the only thing I can think of as I sip on this beverage is “Little Triggers” by Elvis Costello. It may not be the strongest track on This Year's Model, but that doesn't mean it isn't one hell of a song. The same thing could be said about this beverage. It's not the best energy drink, tea or juice I've ever had, but it's still extremely enjoyable.

I don't think I have ever disliked any beverage that has contained cherry juice. When the real thing is used it is so superior to anything that is just cherry flavored. Drinking this is like eating a huge bowl of fresh cherries while sipping on some lightly sweetened white tea on the back porch of a country home with a light breeze blowing the laundry on the line clean. Can you tell I've been stuck inside for too long?

You know what, maybe I was wrong before, maybe this beverage is even better than I thought. Every ingredient is in the exact right place with the exact right amount. The choice of using agave syrup and apple juice to sweeten it was the exact right choice. It gives it a very specific taste that is dead on. Sure there are other fruit juices in the mix, but they don't shine too much. Instead they are there to dull down the cherry a bit, as straight juice from that fruit can tend to be a little intense. The way it mingles with the other fruits in here just make it perfectly smooth.

It's called an energy drink, but don't be a fool and think it's anything like Monster, Red Bull or any of those types of companies. The energy in here comes from nature. It's the caffeine from the white tea and a little extra kick from some ginseng. It's not going to make you feel all crazy and give you the shakes. It will just keep you even with a little push to help you keep going. Little Miracles I think I love you. To bring it back to Costello, I will say something about “Miracle Man.” Now discuss which is better, This Year's Model or My Aim is True. There really is only one correct answer.

Quick, if you had to be one sort of insect, what would you be? A spider? Too much work my friend. You spend almost all of your life constructing intricate little webs that get destroyed in an instant by some unappreciative oaf of a human. Flies deal with a lot of poop, so they are out of the running. Caterpillars are just too creepy, if they are even considered insects. Ants might be cool; you get to have crazy strength, but a lot of your life is spent in search of food. If I had to choose number one with a bullet would be the bee. You are feared, your spit is sweet and you get to spend you days lackadaisically just flying around just smelling some flowers, hanging out in the sun. Now that is a life of leisure I could get down with.

Being a bee must take a lot of energy though. Flapping your winds that fast has to be exhausting at some point. It's a good thing bees know where to get the best natural energy. They just head down to the store and get themselves a can of EnerBee. Wait, that's only Bumble Bee Man from the Simpsons, but I like his style. People, myself included, drink far too many chemical energy drinks to help them get through their days. This here is organic and natural. Who needs all that artificial junk when you have green tea, yerba mate, ginseng and B vitamins to get the blood flowing? Also, there is royal jelly in here, which kind of creeps me out. It's what bees feed their larvae when they want to breed a new queen. It messes with genetics people! If I drink enough of this will I become royalty? Will I gain special bee powers? Only time will tell.

This tastes mostly like yerba mate, with a bit of green tea in it. It has a fairly strong lemon flavor, and you can really taste the honey in it. I think everything about it is perfect, with the exception of two things. I guess that doesn't make it perfect then, does it. First off, if you drink this when it's really cold it's better. Once it starts to warm up you can taste the stevia in it a lot more. I actually didn't even realize it was sweetened with the plant, until I was near the end and some time had passed from the initial crack of the can. Secondly, this whole lightly carbonated business is just weird. It's so light that I wasn't sure if there were bubbles in it at all, or if the flavor was just sharp. When it comes to carbonation I say go big or go home. This is a tea, it doesn't need bubbles. That's just this drinker's opinion though.

A lot of people don't pout stock in natural energy drinks, as they say they don't get the job done. I assure you this one had me bouncing off the walls when I drank it. It was as if I was bouncing from flower to flower, collecting the precious pollen for my queen.

I was hanging out the other night. You know just sitting around with some friends having a nice relaxing evening, when my friend Jay tosses me this drink and says it's for review on my blog. After several minutes of me berating him and telling him it's not a blog, it's a fully functional database that was coded by Mike and runs off of a database, I thanked Hova for the drink that he had made named after his chain of sports bars, which are in turn names after the baseball term for people who have gotten over 40 home runs and stolen bases in a single season. What, you're not close and personal friends with Jay Z? well I guess everyone can't be or else he would have no time to sit around listening to the new Morrissey album with me and discussing how it seems like he's just parodying himself at this point.

As far as the tea goes, I'm a fan. It's a slightly different take on an Arnold Palmer. It's black tea with a bunch of lemon in it (it doesn't taste like cleaner), but there is also a bit of citrus in there that reminds me of a mellower version of Sweet Leaf's Citrus Tea. It's on the sweeter side of teas, but the flavors involved lean towards that, so I have no qualms with it.

This isn't your typical iced tea in taste or experience. When you scan the bottle with your smart phone it unlocks a world of information about the clubs and sportsmen. I personally wasn't able to test it out, but that's what Jay tells me, and I'm not about to call him a liar. Maybe he's a bit of a no it all, but not a liar. Me? Oh, I'm the one who is the liar. The only time I saw Jay was at a football stadium in Washington DC. I was waiting for The Cure to play and he was on stage doing his thing. We were a field away from each other, but in that moment he placed all of that information into my brain.

It should be a crime against nature. It should be an ultimate evil. Artificial sugar combining with lemonade should be akin to the raising of the antichrist, but for some reason I don't mind it. Does that mean I've gone to the dark side? Do I need to start having rituals with some sort of sacrifice? Do I need to shave my head and grow a goatee? You know what? Why not?

This is a sparkling lemon drink that is in fact sweetened with sucralose, but it doesn't taste like poison and I don't feel like all humanity should be slaughtered because real sugar wasn't used in making lemonade. I still feel dirty that I enjoy this, but I'm not going to deny myself. Sure it tastes diet, but the lemon does a good job covering it up.

This is better than I ever could have imagined it to be, but at the same time it's not something I would crave. I would happily drink it if it were presented to me, but I wouldn't chug-a-lug all day long on the stuff, which is probably for the best.

I want so badly for the eldest male in the Harney clan to be named James, and for everyone to call him Jim. I also hope his sons are really only in their mid-twenties. My whole reasoning for this is that I am a child and I so badly want Mr. Harney to have been about 15/16 in 1987, when the classic film Earnest Goes to Camp came out. The only dumb reason I have for this is that every time I read Harney and Sons, all I can think of is Varney and Sons, and in case you don't know the actor who played the role of Ernest was named Jim Varney. You see I am a cruel man and I want to patriarchal head of the Harney clan to have been teased as a child because of his name. It's a rite of passage for teenage boys and I would hate for him to have missed it. If no one yelled “Hey Vern” at him, there is no hope for this world.

Okay, never mind that tangent I just went off on. It had absolutely nothing to do with the contents of this bottle. So let's move on to the important information. Harney & Sons make delicious beverages that I have enjoyed up to this point. When you take a solid company and introduce blackberry in to the mix, magic is bound to happen. This is a wonderful mixture of black tea, blackberry juice, hibiscus, and boysenberry juice. It all blends together into a beverage that anyone would long for on the long nights at camp. It's very sweet and fruity, actually it's a tad bit too sweet with 42g of sugar per bottle. It probably wouldn't taste overly sweet to most people, but I've been drinking unsweetened tea constantly this summer, so I've been noticing sweetness more.

My only real complaint here, and it's hardly a complaint, is that I wish the tea flavor was a bit stronger. The berry taste is a natural one, but it's still very in your face. If it were mellowed out a bit, that might take care of the sugar as well and this would be absolutely perfect.

Like many of us, from time to time you have probably found yourself wondering what exactly happened to the river of psychomagnotheric slime from Ghostbusters 2. Sure Vigo was using it as a power source, but after we was blasted back into the painting and drained of his powers, what happened to the slime?

Well the truth of the matter is that the slime was a bit of a problem for the city. As you know it fed off of emotions, and being such an angry city (at least while Lady Liberty herself isn't walking around blasting feel good tunes), it was only a matter of time before the city destroyed itself. Not wanting that to occur officials loaded it up into thousands of tanker trucks and shipped it off to Chicago, without them knowing. Hey, if a city is going to destroy itself it might as well be in the Midwest, right? A weird thing happened though, Chicago's love of food and sweets somehow changed the river of slime into a river of salted caramel, which can be seen on this bottle's label. Strange times indeed.

The Cicero company dips into this river from time to time when they want to make root beer. They put just a dab into each bottle and it flavors it right up. There's already caramel in a lot of darker sodas and the addition of the “slime” really amped it up. Luckily it's not overly salted. Wouldn't a really salty soda be the worst thing ever? Can you imagine your disappointment? There's a bit of salt in here, but it's not over the top. In reality this just makes me think of pretzels. Actually, I want some really bad. A bag of pretzels and a bottle of this would pair up for the perfect Midwest snack.

I'm not the world's biggest caramel guy, so I admit that I couldn't finish this entire bottle, but if you are a lover of that specific form of sugar, this has your name written all over it. Especially if your name is Vigo of Gozer.

Australian favorite's Bundaberg gave guava soda a shot, but they just missed the mark. You see they make their soda the old fashioned way, by brewing it with yeast, and as a result it ended up tasting a bit too alcoholic for my liking. Now the creators of some of my favorite ginger beer are trying their hand at my second favorite fruit, passion fruit. With this one the bases were loaded and they didn't blow it with a lot of grandstanding. They took what simple ingredients they had, and hit that pitch right out of the park for a grand slam.

This is soda brewed the way it should be, with a less processed flavor that what most of us are used to. It tastes like carbonated passionfruit juice, with a little something extra from the yeast brew that just makes it perfect. It does border on the wine cooler flavor, but it stays to the proper side and not the alcoholic side that far too many people became acquainted with in the 80s.

I am thoroughly disappointed that I only had one bottle of this. It simply wasn't enough, and I'm already craving more. Is it wrong to book a rip halfway across the world just for soda? Oh wait, I could probably get more of this at a Cost Plus. I'll probably have to do that.

Oh what a different world we live in when things are backwards. Lemon & lime soda is very boring and I don't know a single person whose first choice it would be. Switch those two around and you got something. The science behind this is that lemons are boring and don't actually taste very good, even though “big lemon” has been trying to convince the world otherwise for decades. Limes on the other hand aren't just unripe lemons; they are their own fruit with a wonderfully bold flavor. This energy drink is most definitely heavier on the green instead of the yellow, and the result is an energy drink that is quite enjoyable and the opposite of boring. It definitely has the candied chemical classic energy drink undertones, but the lime is right there in your face like a mojito, minus the mint. There is also some lemon in there, but it's finally taking the back seat it has always deserved, but whined so much that it got shotgun. Dive in folks, the water is fine.

You've finally gone and done it; you beat life. It was the hardest game you've ever played, but you did it. You went to school. You had a family. You bought a house. You became a grandparent. You retired. You took up hobbies. All of your kids had relatively good lies, as did their children. Then you found yourself slipping off this mortal coil in relative peace, happy with the way everything went. Sure there were a few things you would have liked to have tried differently to see how they would turn out, but you know like everyone says “you only live once.”

Friend do I have news for you. All of those people were lying to you. You can live forever in unlimited timelines. You can make every decision however you like, and if you're unhappy with it, go back and try again…€¦that is if you were smart enough to down at least one shot of God Mode while you still walked the mortal realm. Science has come a long way my friends. It's had its setbacks, but then everything fell into place once those who bear the white coats realized that god is a jerk and this is all just a game. After that it was a simple mixing of some ingredients and voila, infinite health and infinite life. You're in charge.

To make matters even better, the shot tastes delicious. They decided to mask all of the important stuff in a blueberry green tea. Sure it has some stevia in it that gives it a bit of a cool diet taste, but overall it tastes like tea. It's the kind of thing you would happily drink a full glass of, and that is not common in shot beverages.

So there you have it. You can essentially become a god amongst men and do whatever you want: your life, your rules. I would be a little careful though. There are some batches that got mixed up with another mixture they were working on, so you either can do whatever you want, consequences be damned, or it will just help with cognitive function, focus, visual perception, stamina, problem solving ability, reaction time and just give you some energy that helps while playing video games.

Hey buddy, even though you look completely worn out, why don't you pop on over to the fuse box and open it up and see if you can figure out why the lights are working? I'm just kidding you brother, I just have the switch turned off. I'm trying to toughen up my eyes by reading in the dark. With the appending apocalypse you gotta be ready and you can bet your sweet ass that within two years electricity won't exist. I don't want to be that fool that can't read anything in the dark when that comes to pass. Seriously though check out the fuse box and get yourself one. Oh I'm sorry, I call my fridge the fuse box, because m I don't want to be that fool that can't read anything in the dark when that comes to pass. Seriously though check out the fuse box and get yourself one. Oh I'm sorry, I call my fridge the fuse box, because my mom keeps it stocked with Fuze drinks. She's been raggin' me about how I need to lose weight so she buys me the low calorie “Slenderize” ones. I don't know what she's talking about. These three bills will help me to stay alive at the end of the world. While all you skinny folks are withering away I'll be eating my own fat and prospering.

Oh man, you should have grabbed the blueberry raspberry one. It's actually got a bunch of juices in it. Okay it's mostly apple juice, but there are a bunch of other fruit and vegetable juices in it, even though they make up less than .5% of the ingredients. It tastes like a berry drink that is heavy on the blueberries, but the sucralose in it gives it a weird taste. It doesn't taste overly diet, but it's done something to the juice that makes it taste a bit off. Everything mixed together gives you a bunch of vitamins and minerals. It's pretty rad. I know my mom just thinks I'm fat, so she buys it because of the low sugar content ,but all that Super Citrimax and Chromium in my system is really going to come in handy when the world…€¦well you know where this is going. Prepare yourself brother!