Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

Crossovers are always fun. You know when characters from one work of fiction are featured in another work. Okay, maybe the upcoming Simpsons …€“ Family Guy crossover is unnecessary, but I bet you'll laugh at least a handful of times when you watch it. These switcheroo's happen in television, comic books, “normal” books and even video games. A create meshing of characters (that might technical not be a crossover) is Super Smash Bros. It takes a variety of characters from the Nintendo universe and combines them into one fighting game. I mean who hasn't wanted to watch Link mop the screen with a turd like Kirby? The thing is that beating the hell out of videogame characters can be exhausting, and dehydrating. Those characters on screen can simply be reset and they are back to full health. You as a real human, don't have that luxury, actual fluids need to be consumed. Instead of reaching for a soda or an energy drink, why not go a healthy route and down some juice. I mean with a name like Smash Berry you can even pretend that this True Brew juice was made specifically to accompany the game.

Smash Bros has an eclectic cast of characters and Smash Berry has an eclectic grouping of fruits. The label says that their countries of origin are United States, Canada, Brazil, Turkey, China and Poland. That is a whole world of fruits and you can try to determine which of the following are from those countries: apple, acerola, pomegranate, elderberries, blueberries, cranberries, acai, and grapes. Most berry combinations go heavy on the strawberries and raspberries, those two fools are nowhere to be seen here and as a result you can taste the antioxidants. It has a darker taste, but it's not harsh.

As an added bonus for your gaming needs this juice is enriched with vitamin B, which is good for energy and stamina. You can stay up all night bashing the hell out of your favorite characters and be drinking a beverage that your parents can't complain about.

Okay folks, I'm stumped. I need to know the secrets of red cream soda, and the internet has been very little help. Most of the digital world claims that the only difference between regular cream soda and the red variety is the inclusion of red dye, and that they taste the same. While that may be true for some bush league companies, the real players don't follow those standards. There is most definitely an additional ingredient that gives it a little something extra. Other sources state that the missing link is grenadine, but that's not what's lurking below the surface of this bottle of Dang! The only thing I can think to compare it to is Kola Champagne, if that flavor actually tasted good and not 100% like liquid bubblegum.

Think about an above average cream soda with a fruity/slightly bubblegum undertaste. Yes, I just made up that word, but you know you can defer what I mean from that. It's a sweet soda, but not in a childish way. It's not just bubbly sugar water; it's just a sweet cream soda. Wisconsin has pulled through again to show its dominance over other states.

There are very few things in this world that bring me more pleasure than jumping off of something that is a decent height into water. The thing is that I am not a fan of swimming, and being in the water doesn't do much for me. It's overcoming the fear and the drop that is what I enjoy. I should probably go skydiving at some point. This weekend my ladyfriend and I took a trip to Ithaca to do some hiking and we ended up at a spot where you could cliff jump. There were different levels, and the one that the locals said was a 40ft drop was the best. There was a 60ft one, but I was sketched out because you had to jump out a bit to clear a large branch/log that was in the water. I jumped over and over and the panic that struck me about midway down never lessened.

This all really has nothing to do with this yerba mate tea, but that is where I was physically, as well as mentally when I drank it. I was parched and exhausted, so this refreshed me and the natural caffeine in it gave me the little push I needed to continue on. It was a perfect choice for when you're hanging out at a manmade dam in nature just outside of a hippy town.

Yerba mate is so great because it tastes so earthy, without tasting like you're drinking the water that was just filtered through a potted plant. It tastes natural and right. As we all know peach in tea is a slippery slope because most of the time it ends up being too strong, and tasting like peach candy. Guayaki held back with their peach. It's there, but it doesn't overshadow the taste of the mate. The fact that natural peach was used for the flavoring also helps. As a result of all of this, what I drank was one of the best peach teas I have ever encountered. Yerba mate is a different world if you're not used to it, but it's worth the learning curb when you grow to love it.

You know what yerba mate is from South American rainforests. I'm sure people cliff jump there, so my initial paragraph wasn't pointless rambling.

Imagine going out into the fields and picking tea leaves, when they are at just their right point in growth to be considered prime green tea. Then you dry the leaves out in the sun for a decent time, so that they are perfect for brewing. Gather up your ancient pot that was created for and has help nothing other than green tea. You steep the tea at the optimal temperature for the precise amount of time, before you chill it. It is at this point that you have a perfect cup of iced green tea. Now you can go through all of this trouble, or you could buy a can of Matcha Love and the results are essentially the same, well at least to my unrefined taste buds.

This is what green tea boils down to if you ask me. If I am offered green tea, this is what I hope I am served. Sure it's made with matcha powder as well as brewed tea, but if the result is the same I have no qualms with that. I believe it's a healthier way to get your green tea anyways. I see no downside to using matcha. Sure it comes in a tony can, but it's got a big flavor that you're not going to beat. It's made by Ito En, when have they put out a tea beverage that wasn't great?

Coconut waters have become the new apple/orange juice; for the most part they don't vary too much from brand to brand. I mean when you're sole ingredient is water straight from a coconut there isn't going to be much variation is there? Sure the companies could add flavoring to them, but if you ask me that isn't necessary, when you have something that is great and completely refreshing, why much it up with additives?

Pearl Royal knows the game. So instead of altering their product itself they gave it interesting/fun packaging. Inside this packaging that is made to look like a coconut of some sort is an ordinary can of coconut water. Attached to that can is a little string that comes out of the top of the “coconut.” When you pull the string it opens the can. You then stick the attached straw through the hole and enjoy the nectar within. If only opening a real coconut was that easy. There are plenty of videos online of people attempting, and failing, to open the real thing. I've certainly been vexed in my attempts in the past as well.

Overall this is a nice branding technique for a beverage that is nothing new, but also very tasty. Here's your future.

About ten years ago soy milk became a common place thing in grocery stores. Sure it wasn't everywhere, but more than likely at least one store in your town would have it. It was a blessing for those who were lactose intolerant and those of us who just think that animal milk is absolutely disgusting by nature. Would you feed your cats breast milk? I'm assuming the thought of it completely disgusts you, so why are you drinking cow's breast milk?

Slowly it became more popular, and then almond milk hit the scene and made waves. It tasted better and was healthier. I drink unsweetened almond milk on my cereal every morning, and I love it. So do a lot of people because I keep seeing more and more of it.

My question now is will tigernut horchata be the next stage in the evolution of popular milk type beverages? This bottle is nothing but water and tigernuts and it tastes somewhere between soy and almond milk. I keep expecting there to be a banana aftertaste, but thank goodness that there is not. I've never been one to drink a glass of any sort of milk beverage, so drinking this seems a little strange. I can only say that it tastes like it would go great with my cereal though. I just wonder if it is cost effective.

Every time I'm in Boston (Allston to be exact) with my band random people always come up to me saying, “Doses? Doses?” We know that they are trying to sell us pills (up until it was explained to me I thought acid was the only thing referred to as a dose) but we always joke that they are trying to sell us the Indian Food aka dosas. Imagine walking down a city street and a sketchy dude comes up to you whispering “Dosas? Dosas?” you follow him into an alley, where he opens up his coat and hands you a nice Indian crepe. That's sketch comedy for you folks. Well, sketch comedy that a very select group of people would think is funny.

What if we turn this into a marketing strategy for these Dose dietary supplements? They get employees to go into the city and whisper “Doses? Doses?” to people and then hand them sample cans. It would frighten, confuse, and dare I say disappoint people. That is until they took a taste, then they might be hooked and want more.

It's no secret that I am not a fan of the lemon lime flavor. I find it boring, and low brow to an extent. This is something different though. It is made with actual juices from those fruits, and it is fairly tart, almost to a pinched cheeks level. One could call this a lemon-lime-ade and one would not be wrong. It's way tastier than I had anticipated. Sure you can tell that there is something else going on under the surface flavors, but that's just the vitamins and they are the whole reason for drinking this. Who wants to be bothered taking a pill vitamin when you can just slug back one of these cans that actually taste decent and not like clay? No one, that is who. So, next time someone approaches you on the street to make a purchase inquire if they are selling drugs, crepes or liquid vitamins. Then decide which would suit your needs the best.

If you like pina-col…€¦..wait no, that's not right. There is any colada anywhere to be found in this soda. I kind of doubt that there is any actual pina in here as well. Actually, I'm fairly positive that no pineapples were harmed in the making of this pop. It's just your standard generic pineapple soda. Sure it tastes closer to oranges and cherries than their generic sodas do, but it's still a fake flavor.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that this may be the worst pineapple soda I have ever tasted. It's more plain sugar water than fake pineapple flavor. This is the only soda by the Motor City company that has been less than average. I didn't even make it to the top of the label, before I decided to call it quits. Good for me watching my sugar intake (at least minimally) but bad for Faygo. You can now return to singing your song about potential infidelity.

Dude, I'm so pumped that someone decided to throw this Rave Class Reunion. Man the 90's we're a crazy time and I really missed this. Remember when we used to have to go to random convenient stores with an egg to find out the secret location of the party? Oh that was an episode of 90210? Seemed like real life man. Well remember that time you needed to come up with money quick, or you'd be evicted from your apartment so we sold common aspirin and pretended it was E? Oh, that was the movine Go!? Okay dude you caught me; I've never been to a rave before in my life. I was too young and scared when they were still cool. I was totally into the music though. I would jam Paul Oakenfold and 808 State in my bedroom so loud my mom would yell at me. I would get hog wild.

I'm just glad this party is happening so that I get to experience it firsthand, well kind of if a couple decades too late count. Since we're going to be raging hard all night dancing until our arms are sore from flinging around glow sticks like maniacs, I brought these drinks for us. They are called Rage, get it…€¦because we're going to be raging at the party…€¦not rage mad, but like party rage. Whatever, even if you don't get it they will help keep us hydrated. It's a vitamin enhanced water with a whole mess of electrolytes in it. The bottle says it will allow us to push harder and avoid hitting the wall. That sounds like exactly what we're gonna need. They sweetened it with sucralose as well as cane sugar, so you get a little diet taste, but it's not too bad. I just wanted to warn you, as I know that junk can come as a shock if you don't know it's there. I don't want to harsh your good time.

This stuff actually tastes pretty decent. It's like a Vitamin Water that tastes more like one of the citrus varieties of Gatorade. It certainly has that slight harshness on the back of your throat like Gatorade does. It's like a mellower melted Freezee Pop. It's citrus flavored, that tastes like someone took some Tang and slightly changed it to be more…€¦I dunno…€¦other citrus instead of orange. You know what I mean man. It's nothing particularly new, but it tastes pleasant enough, and if it keeps us hydrated tonight that's all that matters. I unfortunately don't know if I'll be able to find this again. I mean it's not bad, but it's not filling any sort of gap in the beverage world. There are a whole mess of different companies putting out drinks like this, and most consumers would rather grab a brand name like the previously mentioned Vitamin Water or Gatorade, and these small guys don't' stand a chance, even if they perform better. Whoa, where did all of that come from? Must be the pills I took. Speaking of, want to buy some ecstasy? Just kidding, it's just aspirin, I get headaches from loud bass.

I can see the headlines now; “Such a daring portrayal of an energy drink” and “Never before have such bold flavors toyed with our emotions in mysterious ways.” With a name like Marquis I expect something fancy and highbrow. I thought that was going to be exactly what I was in for. It sounds so refined when you think of it as a combination of green tea, yerba mate and organic raspberry. Unsweetened this would have been a wonderful, dry treat that would stand out in a sea of copycat energy drinks. The problems started when they sweetened it with erythritol, and then continued to sweeten it even more with stevia. There are my two preferred zero calorie sweeteners, but it's just too much in this beverage. The result is that this tastes dry, and yet overly diet at the same time. I don't know how they achieved it, but they did. The diet overpowers the berry flavor as well, which is just unfortunate.

When I took my first sip of this I was immediately put off, but for the sake of the review I persevered. The more I drank the more palatable it became. I learned to ignore the dietness of it as much as I could. About half way through the can I started to enjoy it, but I couldn't give high marks to a beverage that I had to work to enjoy. It could have been a brilliant career beverage, but the general public wants things overly sweet, and companies make sacrifices to give them what they want and in the end sometimes flavor suffers.

Sometimes your friends pretend to be adults and throw a brunch. Is there anything more grown up then brunch? Most self-respecting kids and teenage malcontents would still be asleep during the brunching hour. In order to be a little more refined I decided I should not show up empty handed like common street trash and I brought this bottle of watermelon mint lemonade. What better way to celebrate an adult meal than with the adult version of a childhood favorite (no not Mike's Hard Lemonade, that's just for grown up children).

It was a nice warm summer day and this beverage fit the bill just nicely. It was refreshing, tasty and unique all at the same time. Let's deconstruct this for a second shall we? The lemonade base in here is nothing more than water, lemon juice and cane sugar. It's exactly what lemonade should be; a bit tart but also sweet. It's the flavor that inspired Wonka candy, okay that may not be true, but let's pretend that Senior Wonka was sipping on nice lemonade when he came up with the idea of Sweet Tarts. Back on track: So we have ideal lemonade to start with and then some watermelon juice is added. We're no fools and we know that watermelon is a hard flavor to capture. It's very distinct, but it's also watery, so adding it to other beverages tends to make them a bit watered down and the sought after flavor is lost. Bolthouse has found a way to make that flavor present. It may not be bold, but it's definitely there, and it does not detract from the lemonade, making it weak. Things are looking good. There is just one thing to add and that is a touch of mint. It's so easy to go overboard with mint and wind up with a beverage that tastes like you're drinking it while chewing five pieces of Wrigley in your mouth. It's lucky for us that Bolthouse knows restraint. The mint in here is very light. It's noticeable and gives the lemonade bit of a twist, but it doesn't just taste like a mint drink. Throughout this entire adventure the lemon juice has been driving the car, and it's not going to pull over for anything. No one is allowed behind the wheel of its baby, but it.

So what we have here is a perfect summer beverage that goes well with a tofu scramble, fresh fruit, bagels and donuts. Hey brunch doesn't have to be fancy, it just needs to come with a side of melon.

This happened to the beverage world. Two youths were walking down the street, one with a Vitamin Water the other with an energy drink and they collided causing a tasty mess to be born.

Actually to be more accurate it would be like someone boiled down an orange mango Vitamin Water and dried out what was left over until it was a powder that they mixed into sparkling water, added some green coffee bean extract and B vitamins for energy and called it a day. So I guess it's nothing like that commercial, but it's still tasty. It has a bit of a stevia taste, but nothing that would put anyone off. It actually tastes kind of like a candy from when I was a kid, but I can't place exactly what. If I think of it I'll make sure to not remember to let you know.

What we have here is a fairly standard classic energy drink. It seems wrong to call it a classic, but this year marks the 30 year anniversary of Red Bull (even though it didn't become popular until much later). I mean according to Google cars are considered to be classic if they are over 20 years old. By those standards this flavor is an antique. The passing of time is a very strange thing indeed.

If you've had energy drinks you have an idea of how this tastes, and it's a flavor you initially probably did not care for, but if you're like me you grew to love it. There's nothing wrong with making similar products at a lower cost. Save yourself some cash and bypass the bigger brands for a can of this. It tastes the same and gives you the same boost. I mean you can still buy that Red Bull if you want to be a fool.

This is a monkey paw type situation here. You get to make wishes, which come true, but inevitably it is in some horrible way. The downfall of protein drinks has always been the sandy grittiness they tend have. The texture of the whey protein takes me for a loop. I grasped onto that tiny little mummified hand and prayed to the dark powers that be for a beverage that would deliver the proteins my body so baby craves but with a smoother texture. Folks, my wish came true, but along with it came a heavy diet flavor. Sure there is a nice creamy vanilla flavor buried in there, but that sucralose just cuts right through everything. It's as smooth as water, but unless you have the taste for all things diet (people claim you become acclimated to it, but I think they are liars), you might be better off dealing with the grit.

True Brew, a company we were previously familiar with due to their line of excellent juices, has expanded their grasp into the juice world. Their #true Power line is 100% juice, with no preservatives and it is jam packed with super fruits to provide the drinker with a natural boost of energy. While I think this is a wonderful (and tasty) idea, I'm afraid that in a world obsessed with modern energy drinks that these juices just don't give enough oomph to make people switch over. It's a sad truth that most people care more about results than health in this country. I fully admit that I am one of those people. If I have to pull an overnight drink, one of these juices just wouldn't cut it, and I'm going to grab a Red Bull/Monster style drink. I wish that wasn't the case, but I am weak.

A good thing about this juice is that you don't have to be looking for an energy boost to enjoy it. It just so happens that it is a fantastic tasting beverage on its own, and there is no guilt associated with drinking it. You don't have to worry about consuming added sugar, or it giving you the jitters that keep you from sleeping. It has a light pineapple taste, with a heavier cherry one pulling it along. It's one of those rare beverages that actually tastes like cherries, and not just “red.” In this case they are the super fruit acerola cherries, which I've never had in its natural form, but I've had enough juices made with them that I know I would really enjoy the fruit. It's mellow, flavorful and makes me feel like a glutton, because after this 12oz bottle I was left wanting about 40 more ounces.

This is the kind of drink that you should be using to replace the dozens of cups of coffee you possibly down throughout your work day. It will give you just enough push for times like those. I wouldn't rely on them for times where you simply cannot fall asleep; you know when Freddie will get you, or when a pod person will replace you. For those times go with a serious stimulant.

Well, consider me schooled. I first encountered horchata about ten years ago in a Mexican restaurant in Chicago. A friend heavily recommended that I get a glass, and I fell in love. It was a wonderfully sweet cinnamon rice drink. Since then I have always gotten a glass of it when it was available in restaurants. When I heard about Tigernut I was very pleased with the possibility of purchasing ready to drink versions of it outside of restaurants. The company was nice enough to send us some samples for review, and I couldn't help but go for the chai flavored one first. Horchata and chai are two flavors that I absolutely love, and I knew they would complement each other in the best possible way.

When I took my first sip I was a bit confused. You see there is no rice in this drink at all. The ingredient list says it contains water, tigernuts (actually a tuber and not a nut at all), dates, spices, and well…€¦love. It's nut, dairy and gluten free, but it also being void of rice had me questioning the company. I then did some research and discovered that what I am used to is the Latin American version of the drink. This is the version from Spain. Learning that helped to quell my disappointment. Now that I knew this was a completely different beverage I could enjoy it more, since I wasn't expecting ingredients that did not exist.

There is no dairy in here, but it's very milky. It really tastes like an ices chai latte. The spices taste real and not just a bunch of stuff jammed together. Essentially this tastes like a nice high end chai beverage. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish it had some rice in it, but knowing what it is supposed to be, it has achieved exactly that in a tasty manner.

This is a beverage for all of those times that you find yourself in Innerspace/Fantastic Voyage type scenarios. You know something happens internally to someone and only you can be shrunk down to travel inside their person and right the wrongs of the human body. It may sound like a walk in the park, but there are anti-bodies in humans that simply do not like outsiders, they are kind of racist that way. In order to sneak by them we suggest that you drape yourself in pink real tree camo. It's the only appropriate attire for inter-body warfare.

Exploring the interworking of a human can take quite some time when you're that small. You need to be aware and alert the entire time, so why not down this energy drink that will blend right in with your camo. You can drink it while inside your friend and the antibodies will be none the wiser. Unfortunately convenience doesn't always taste the greatest. This is supposed to be pink lemonade flavored, but it just tastes like sweet lemon poison. It's one of those beverages that if you served to someone say 20 years ago they would have seriously thought you were serving them poison. As a species we've become so acclimated to the taste of energy drinks that we no longer remember how weird and kind of wrong they tasted the first time we tried them. This beverage has that weirdness turned up to ten. It's more chemical than lemonade. It's like they're not even trying to mask it.

I guess sacrifices must be made when you shrink yourself into a tiny person. Get in there save the day, come out through a nostril or ear and become the hero you were born to be. Just make sure not to leave your trash behind. That could wreak havoc on the person you're trying to save.

While Sunny D is fine for children to drink, I fully believe that it is completely unacceptable for adults to consume it. I didn't even realize I had that stance until I found this can of Sunny D X and realized that we had never reviewed the original. You know what, I'm fine with that.

I dreaded drinking this. It is the Dread Pirate Roberts of sparkling beverages. I expected it to be as thick as the original but with bubbles. I don't even know how you can carbonate something so thick, and I guess I never will as this is just slightly thicker than a normal pop. Actually everything I anticipated about this beverage was out the window” it wasn't thick, it isn't really an energy drink (it does have B vitamins in it though), and it didn't taste like the sludge I remember this company putting out.

Take a classic lemon lime soda and add a little bit more lime to it. Okay, now put in a little grapefruit for good measure. Actually you might as well throw in some orange and tangerine as well. Somehow the lemon and lime stay at the top and the rest of the fruits mingle in the background. They are just extras in this made for TV movie. Now add some bubbles and the result is shockingly pretty decent. For some reason it almost has a malt taste to it, which I don't understand, but I don't hate. Actually I kind of enjoy it way more than I feel comfortable admitting. I mean I'm still not going to go back and try the fake juice original version, but this is something I would possibly drink again. It's too bad the can looks so budget though. It looks like a beverage you would find at the Dollar Store.

Sometimes you just have those days where you just need to get out of the city. You feel like you've been indoors too much, and even when you're not it just doesn't feel like the outdoors. You get antsy and start to go insane, and you need to be in the green. Actually, maybe that doesn't happen to normal people, but I most definitely am not normal and yesterday I was just losing my mind. As a result I jumped in my car with some good music and just drove an hour out into the forest. There was no sign of civilization around me for miles. I breathed in deep and took it all in. it was exactly what I needed to even myself out. I ended up hiking for about ten miles and it was glorious, I even saw a bald eagle. Stupidly I only brought one bottle of water, a Cliff Bar and an apple. By the time I was done I was exhausted and dehydrated. There was only one beverage that would give me the refreshment that I so desperately craved and that was a can of coconut water.

This is pretty standard pure coconut water. There is nothing in it but the water and some pulp. By some pulp I mean a lot pulp. More than there probably needed to be, but I can't see anyone buys coconut water with pulp unless they loved the stuff, so in that case it's probably just perfect. The can did just what I needed it to do, and it did so with a pleasant taste. Man, for someone who has such an intense hatred for toasted coconut, I sure have come to enjoy these drinks.

So I'm out hanging out with these guys I met at a They Might Be Giants concert in `96. Back then we were just kids, but now they have grown into full blown scientists. I know, it's not very shocking that TMBG fans would become scientists. Anyway I ran into them at this bar and we're out for the night if you know what I mean. Oh you don't, I mean they took me under their wing and we hit the bar trivia circuit and we hit it hard. These guys were maniacs, going for the gold in every saloon we entered. Around 2am, I started to falter. It was a long day and I'm not used to being up that late. Suddenly one of the guys passes me this can under the table and says it's the science energy drink. It's made from herbs and it helps to improve focus, motivation and drive, not just jack you up and give you the jitters like that gas station junk. I guess they had secretly been downing them all night. He said for me to sneak off to the bathroom and down it in the stall; it would help me to concentrate on the trivia.

So I do as he says, and I have to tell you I think the guys might have been playing a joke on me. You see the only thing this drink helped me focus on was how gross it tasted. As soon as I popped the can the air was filled with what I can only describe as a sour coffee smell. Actually I can tell you that it smells exactly like someone spilled an entire iced coffee all over them and then went into Subway to clean it up. That weird non-bread bread smell and old gross coffee have no business mingling together, yet that is what I feel is happening in my nasal passage. I was disgusted and I hadn't even tasted it yet.

Once I finally managed to bring myself to drink it the old coffee flavor was definitely there, but unfortunately it wasn't alone. It brought along some friends. It tasted like what I imagined green tea soda from a gun at a bar would taste like; fake, watered down and syrupy all at the same time. Oh did I mention that the tea was very heavily flavored with ginseng? You know that root that tastes just like dirt? So we have all of that mixed together, and it might not have been all that terrible, but then hidden underneath it all was this weird fruity flavor that derailed any hope for a decent drink. Oh top off all that it was harsh on the throat.

I drank as much of the can as I could stand and then I realized that this night wasn't even fun. I just got swept up in the glamor of science, and why was I paying for all the drinks? I slam dunked the can in the trash and left by the back door. Remember as a rule, don't trust They Might Be Giants fans who only like the goofy educational songs.