This is a first for Thirsty Dudes. No, we've reviewed Jones soda before. What do you think we are, amateurs? We have reviewed orange cream, strawberry cream, lemon cream, vanilla cream, cherry cream, almond cream, blue cream, red cream, and the traditional cream soda. Until now, we have not reviewed a pineapple cream soda. I didn't even know such a soda existed until I stumbled upon this at my local corner store.

Even though this is a unique soda, it tastes just like it seems it would: A good mix between a cream soda and pina colada. If this was sweetened with HFCS, I probably wouldn't like it as much. The cane sugar makes it much lighter, and thus much more enjoyable.

It's been a long time since I've had a champagne cola. It's been never since I've had a good champagne cola. Oh, you like chewing bubble gum and you like drinking sickeningly average cola simultaneously? Welp, done. This is horrifyingly sweet to boot. I have had everyone in the office, which is four people and someone outside try this and I am just breaking the top of the label. That's not good for business. Good-O has a large array of products, most of which I haven't liked thus far.

If you like things like generic cola and bubble gum ice cream, this is it. You don't need another drink. If you're not nine years old and can distinguish a quality product, you won't want to grab this on your next trip to the store.

Ricky was a boy who knew what he liked, and what he liked was limes. He had him mom buy limes by the bushel. He would put them on and in everything he ate. I'm not kidding the kid put limes on his PB&J. It was completely disgusting, but he loved it. Did I mention that Ricky was Canadian? Well he is, which means he also put limejuice on his poutine. If you ask me I think perhaps Ricky had an early life stroke that affected his sense of taste. I'm no doctor, but I see no other explanation for his love of limes.

Ricky's mom worked in Burlington, Ontario at The Pop Shoppe factory. It was her job to make soda pop day in and day out. For Ricky's birthday she wanted to do something special for him, so she convinced her foreman to make a lime soda and call it Lime Ricky in honor of her son. He was something of a local oddity so why not celebrate his insane taste buds? It was essentially their lemon lime soda, but without the lemon and double the lime. It was a bit more like lime candy than the fruit, but it all fell under the umbrella of Ricky's love. The foreman was actually impressed with the taste of the soda, so he decided to make this limited edition pop part of their regular line. Lime Ricky you are a very special boy and I hope you enjoy your birthday present to the world.

I am lucky. I have a good metabolism. I am not bragging. I don't eat like garbage, but I don't eat terribly well. I don't do diets. I have gone on stuff like a "no pizza for a month" diet. I don't put extra cheese on things. I don't do sour cream. I'm responsible. With all of that being said, I don't need to drink diet drinks. What that does for me is gives me a perspective of not being used to that "diet" taste. I don't have to give anyone credit because it's all that I have. When I review a diet drink and say, quite repetitiously "it has that diet taste" that doesn't mean that it's bad, that just means that people who don't drink diet drinks know what to expect and people that do drink diet drinks are already expecting it.

This drink has that diet taste, but the tea taste and the mangosteen are pretty good. It's a decent blend. If you're going to be a whiner, awesome. Enjoy being a jerk and hating everything. Not everyone has the luxury of eating an entire pizza and staying at their target, bathing suit weight. It's sweet and fruity and actually has a pretty good oolong tea taste. It's not the best I've had, but for a powder made from another powder, beggars can't be choosers.

Don't be a jerk to diet drinks and don't be a jerk to people on diets. I'm guilty, but at least I'm aware of it.

Pomegranate had it's hey day. Then it was acai's time to shine. The world has had oranges, apples and gross bananas crammed down their throat for centuries. What I want to know is when is it going to be guava's turn to stand in the spotlight? It is one of the greatest tasting fruits in the history of the world, and as I just learned it has a bunch of health benefits. It lowers the risk of both cancer and diabetes, it promotes fertility and good eyesight, and it helps regulate blood pressure. I think we need to declare the guava a superfruit this very minute.

Since it is now amongst the chosen fruits I shall celebrate with a bottle of guava flavored aloe drink. It's really a match made in heaven. One of the most fun styles of beverage and one of the best tasting fruit all rolled into one. The weird “grape” flavor of the aloe blends in perfectly with the taste of the guava. It's fruity and sweet in all of the right ways. The chunks of aloe are of average size, so you still get the fun aspect of them. At the store they had other flavors of OKF in larger bottles, but the guava only came in the smaller one. I feel as if I have been cheated and I demand restitution!

Did you know that I am fluent in Spanish? I'm actually quite the scholar. Give me anything and I will translate it for you. That? Sure I can translate your drink for you. As a bonus I will also translate the flavor of the drink into words you can understand. El Dorado, well that is just Spanish for “The Dorito.” I don't know why anyone would want to drink something that tastes like liquefied tortilla chips with powder flavoring on them, but I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go …€˜round. I'm actually regretting saying that I would translate the flavor for you. This really sounds revolting. Black raspberry Doritos, that just makes me want to vom. A promise is a promise so here I go. Hmmm this doesn't taste like Doritos at all. It really just tastes like berry-flavored water. Did you know when I was a kid my grandparents had a farm and they grew three different types of raspberries? Yup, there were golden ones, your classic red ones and a couple of bushes of “black” ones (they were really dark purple/blue). I assumed they were just blackberries until the day I bought a container of black berries at the market. There was a definite difference. This surely tastes like the black raspberries my grandparents grew. It's a different taste than the raspberries you are probably used to. It almost tastes like regular raspberries mixed with a couple of cranberries (minus the bitterness). I actually really like this and it seems that I have drunk your entire bottle. My apologies. I still don't understand what this drink has to do with Doritos. Perhaps I should write the company a letter telling them it would be wise to change their name.

There is a sandwich place, or as I occasionally like to all it a "sandwich joint", the next block over from my work. Fantastic sandwiches. Fantastic. Trust me. If you ever find yourself in Buffalo and want to have lunch with me, and you are in the mood for sandwiches, that's where we're going. My boss always gets this and you've probably had it but I've been too busy drinking stuff made from pond scum and horse teeth to get around to it. I've been missing out.

Everyone's got to take their lumps and gross drinks are my method of getting them out of the way. I've cleared out my dance card and now I can drink this Snapple Kiwi Strawberry juice. You know what? You actually do this time. It's good. Now I'm talking to you. I'm not asking you any more questions. We're having a talk. It's good. I like it. It's stronger strawberry than kiwi but I feel like if you gave me this without kiwi, I might miss it, and I don't even like kiwi that much. You can discuss among yourselves about that if you disagree with it. I slammed this entire bottle without hesitation and could do it again if you dared me.

We all have to take an equal amount of lumps and I just make mine public. You know that I'm accountable for. You, man. I don't know what you've done but by the non-sounds of it, you've got a rough life ahead of you. Clear sailing for me, son!

Sometimes you find yourself hanging out with a couple of friends in need of late night Chinese food. Those times are generally going to be good times. As we waited for our food to be ready last night we pursued the bodega next door. All of the usual suspects of crappy drinks were there. I decided to go with a raspberry Arizona. It's been awhile since I drank one, and they are a nice treat from time to time. I grabbed the red can and as I pulled it out of the cooler I realized that it wasn't raspberry at all, but rather it was cranberry. I had to stop for a second in disbelief that I didn't know this flavor existed. Even before this site existed I was always on top of the new flavors of Arizona. I feel like I have failed in some way. I checked and sure enough we hadn't reviewed it, so strange. I purchased the can, went back next-door to pick up my food and we went back to my friend's house to eat.

The tea was basically the same as the raspberry tea, but with the raspberry traded out for cranberry. It has the same black tea flavored base as most of the Arizona flavors do, but the accent was different, which is always nice to have a new choice on the old 99cent shelf. It definitely actually tasted like cranberry juice, but without that dry bitterness that normally comes with it. It was overly sweet as most things Arizona are, but you know what you're getting into when you buy a can. It wasn't anything Earth shattering, but it was a decent inexpensive tea. I'd happily drink another can or a dozen.

It's no surprise that Thirsty Dudes don't like St. Patrick's Day. Belligerent drinking, horrible songs, everyone wearing green, and the mid-afternoon vomit parade all equate to just us wishing we were anywhere else. This morning at quarter after ten I drove down the street and saw a dude drove his car into someone's front yard. Two firetrucks later and a detour from me, maybe that will be a lesson to that dude that even though you can theoretically do whatever it is you want, drinking that early in the morning and then driving is a terrible, stupid idea.

I was at a party with friends and didn't have anything to drink. I normally bring stuff but with my kid, I knew I wasn't going to be able to dedicate any amount of time to ponder over a drink. I stuck it out, went home, hoped I had a good tea waiting for me, failed, and found this. I don't know where it came from but memory wants me to think that Derek was "nice" enough to give it to me. Nothing good comes in a plastic bottle this big. Nothing good comes in a plastic bottle this big and uses corn syrup as a sweetener. I knew what I was in for. I smelled it as soon as I opened the bottle.

What I got? Validation. It's got that awful "bad tea" sting with a tremendously prominent peach taste and an almost non-existent "black tea" taste. If you can call Brisk tea, than this is tea but I wouldn't call it tea as much as I would call it a juice and tea drink. Oh wait! They already did that. It is poorly flavored like iced tea and tastes like those gallon containers of "drink" if they made them in peach, which they might, I don't know and would rather not drink anything than drink that liquid sewage.

So it's bad. Who would have thought, right? What do you mean that tea isn't supposed to sting? That's not natural? That's not organic? No, dummy. This is low quality junk that we found for a dollar at a discount store.

Ginseng and I have not gotten along well in the past. My least favorite drink of all time involved ginseng. But in the name of Thirsty Dudes and root beer, I had to try this. The gold shimmer on the can made me think this was going to be a classy root beer.

Verdict? It's not really classy, but it's pretty good. It is indeed a creamy root beer, but the ginseng gives it a nice bite at the end. It also gives it a slight bitterness, but not in a bad way. The more I drink it, I realize that this is one of the better root beers I've had in a while. I hope I can find more Blue Sky sodas with ginseng in it.

A Eulogy.

Back in the year 2000 I became aware of a glorious place that existed a mere hour and half north of my in the magical land of Toronto. If one were to venture to the corner of Queen and Spadina on any given day (including holidays) one would find the source of much joy in this world. No I'm not talking about the bank, or the McDonalds. I am referring to the small hot dog cart that has sat there for many years. You might say, well that's not anything special. I would reply that this cart has incredible veggie dogs. You may say well okay that's a little special, but so do a lot of other carts in the greater Toronto area. My response would be but do any of those other carts boast to have over 50 condiments? I think not. A group of brave Buffalonians named this cart and it's cook “50 Toppings Guy.” You would be surprised at how many condiments you can actually fit on a hot dog. I've broken 20 on several occasions. The most important of all of the toppings is the often sought after corn relish. It is a true delicacy that the world needs to be educated about. So yes for years my friends and I would eat multiple dogs from this great establishment every time we were in Toronto (which is way more often then you would expect. There were times in the middle of the night when we would be getting hungry so we would just make the drive for hot dogs and nothing else (oh yes the stand is open 24/7). Those were the days when gas was under $1.50/gallon. With every order I placed at that awesomely dirty stand I also got a can of Cplus orange soda. Nothing compliments hot dogs better than a nice orange soda, and it doesn't get much better than Cplus. The secret to this soda is that it actually has orange juice in it, which makes it actually taste like oranges and not some weird mixture that kids are taught orange tastes like. Over the years I must have downed well over a pallet of these cans. You see it's not available in the US so I would get my treats in while I could.

Sadly the dark ages moved in. A large company bought out almost all of the hot dog carts in the city. “50 Toppings Guy' held strong and what followed was the Great Hot Dog War of 2007. (that may actually not be the correct year). A cart right around the corner and the lord and savior of condiments went toe to toe. The competition had the money so they lowered their prices to try and drive “FTG” out of business. He fired back with even cheaper prices. There was a point where you could get a dog for a loonie. It was a good day for consumers, but a dark time for our hero. Eventually condiments started to disappear. He simply couldn't afford to keep them in stock with his lowered prices. After a valiant fight 50 Toppings Guy gave in and sold his cart. A cart still stands at that location, but it's not the same. They did keep the corn relish though, so every time I'm in the land of Toronto I still eat a hot dog in memory of the ghost of a true Canadian hero.

Today I set up my grill for the year and cooked myself a round of veggie dogs. I've been saving this can since November, waiting for the perfect day to crack it open. Today as we mourn the loss of the greatest hot dog slinger to ever exist I urge you to raise a can of Cplus in his memory. You'll never find an orange soda as this, or hot dogs as good as his.

Welcome to part one of a two-part candy flavored plan of attack I had for last night. Last night I DJed at Mohawk Place, as I am prone to do every other month or so. On the way there I drank this can of Liquid Ice. The company had very graciously sent us an obscene amount of it (with a card that said “More samples coming”). With Derek out west and Mike and I not drinking energy drinks all that often these things are going to last us a lifetime. So I'm driving downtown pouring liquid energy down my throat and an odd thought floated into my consciousness; I really wish this wasn't an energy drink because it tastes really good. As we've mentioned time and time again energy drinks normally taste like a bunch of chemicals and it always seems to me that the flavor should be a dead giveaway to how unhealthy they can be for you. Also, along with those chemicals is normally a candy taste of some kind. Usually it's Smarties (US not Canada). Liquid Ice has somehow found a way to avoid the gross chemical taste and slide right into the candy phase. Better than that it doesn't taste like Smarties, it tastes exactly like liquid Spree. This drink really has a great flavor, as I said. So much so that it made me with it was just a regular soda so I could drink it and not fear for the future of my heart, or for my sleep that night. Within 15 minutes I felt energized and ready to stay up late and annoy the bar's clientele with music that probably only I like. A couple hours later led to part two of my plan. You can read it here.

ps. Wouldn't liquid ice just be water? Think about it. Maybe you too can be a scientist some day.

Alright children. It's the last day before summer vacation so we're going to play games all day. Let's start off by playing “Heads Up 7-Up.” You children in the front row are it for the first round. Everyone else put your heads down on your desk with your thumbs up. When the round is over if you're thumb has been pushed down you must try to guess who pushed it down. What's that Marcie? Why is it named after such a mediocre pop? Well it's because the game starts with seven people being it. Oh there are only five people in the front row, so that doesn't make sense. Okay well how about this, if they called it “Head's Up Vernor's Ginger Ale” people would get too excited thinking about that great soda and be distracted from the game. No one loves 7Up, but no one hates it either. It is the pop that is just there. It's not interesting in anyway. It's safe. Regular 7Up might as well be orange juice for all I care. I did once have some made with real sugar though. It was a little bit better. It tasted about the same as regular 7Up, but more old fashioned. It was still just lemon lime pop that I would normally pass over on any given day, but I was at a family picnic and it was all that was left in the cooler, so I drank it. I guess I enjoyed it. I certainly didn't not enjoy it. So yes, I liked it. Marcie now you've gone and got me distracted. Let's just go out into the fields and play Manhunt instead. I've been looking for a way to get fired anyways.

There is the possibility of two scenarios going today:
1. People eating so poorly that companies are doing their best job to just cram vitamins and minerals into everything we eat and drink. Electrolytes, antioxidants, vitamins C's and B's in everything all the time. If drink companies weren't putting these essential vitamins and minerals in there, would we be a nation of slothy, fat, malnourished people? More so, I mean.
2. Drink companies have been hired by the US Army to breed superhuman by chocking them full of stuff to make them so strong that bullet are repelled from their giant, naturally bullet-repellent skin.

Whatever happens, we're all inevitably better off, right? This isn't the whole "antibacterial" thing where in the end we're just breeding stronger bacteria. We all benefit. Vitamins is vitamins, right, son? Whatever. If all vitamins and/minerals tasted like this drink, we'd be a lot healthier. This is good. It's not too much at all and as a matter of fact I've easily killed this entire drink with no hesitation. Two and a half servings; yeah if I'm a baby. Good mix between peaches and mango, too. It has that 60% water and 40% flavor. Sure, it's listed as "organic flavor" and if you just don't care, just imagine it as organic peach and mango flavors. Imagination helps me through a lot of our drinks. This didn't need it, but it never hurts.

Snotty people eat grapefruits. They sit there with their silver spoons and carve away at the softball sized fruit and add their low calorie sugar and have themselves a little treat. They do this before their polo matches and tennis lessons, and lobster dinners. They do it before their trips to Paris, trips to the Bentley showroom, and trips to the bank where they deposit millions of dollars bi-weekly. Rich people. They live such a difficult job. Well guess what fellow schmos? I've got a secret that the rich people don't know about.

Inside this bottle of Clearly Canadian is pink grapefruit. Sure, there are a lot of chemicals, too, but being poor, we can handle it. We weren't fed organic, free range, farm raised chickens or massaged, sake fed cows. We were fed McDonald's. A lot. We can take chemicals, dirt, pesticides, lead, or whatever you throw at us, as long as it doesn't require us to see a doctor because health care is expensive. This drink, as far as I know and remember from the limited times I have had an actual grapefruit, tastes a lot like grapefruit. The sugar, albeit artificial, actually enhances the flavor to a point where even I, a previous disliker of the fruit, really like this drink. It's light enough that you, like I, can drink an entire bottle, regardless of its statement of 2.5 servings.

General public and not those who drive cars that are worth more than houses hundreds of thousands of dollars more than our houses, this is the drink that levels the playing field. If they find out about this, they don't have anything anymore. They don't have anything except for their 152 foot yachts, columned houses, argyle cashmere golf club covers, gold Rolex President watches, cars with umbrellas in the doors, and a couple other things. We're catching up.

It's a well-known fact that by the time The Pixies recorded their third album Black Francis had taken over complete artistic control of the band. It turned into a “What I say goes” situation very quickly. There was actually only one time that the rest of the band put their foot down and refused to let him have his way. You see around this point Francis' lyrics were starting to get stranger and stranger. He was writing about outer space, aliens and for some reason superfruits.

In the break between Doolittle and this current album, he had gotten really into making juice. He made this one that he thought was superior to all others. He had combined the juices of acerola and peaches with some help from some oranges and mangoes into what he referred to as the uberjuice. He was so proud of this drink he had created that he wrote a song about it. He intended it to be the opener for his opus Bossanova. The band recorded the tracks and while everyone else was out at lunch, he downed a bottle of his juice and recorded the vocals as an ode to it. He sang about how the sour taste of the acerola cherries was evened out by the sweetness of the peach and mango juices making it incredibly smooth and delightful to drink. He also sang of the health benefits of the juice. One bottle contained 1200% of the recommended vitamin C for a day. Mostly he sang about how great the juice tasted and how he was going to put all other juice companies out of business with this juice that tasted like biting into a perfectly ripe peach while already having some acerola cherries half chewed in your mouth. It really did get graphic at times.

When the rest of the band returned from their lunch break they listened back to the track and shouted their disapproval. Not only was it just weird, but it also seemed like a big commercial for a company that Black Francis was going to start. Things got heated. Kim quit the band, but then rejoined shortly after. Francis finally agreed to remove the lyrics, but he refused to rewrite anything, hence the opening track on Bossanova is an instrumental. Strange times.

In 1993 the band finally broke up. Each member went their own way. Kim did The Breeders full time, Joey Santiago also continued in the music industry while drummer David Lovering took up metal detecting and magic. As you may know Black Francis started going by Frank Black and released a slew of albums. What you probably don't know is that he went big with his juice and he names his company Bossa Nova after the album that he first expressed his love of fruit on. You don't believe me? Rearrange the letters of the front of this bottle and it will read “Black Francis is the walrus, and a juice lover extraordinaire.”

This couldn't look more like chocolate milk. I knew it wasn't. I knew it. It just looked so much like it that I endlessly hoped that it did. So much. Then I took a sip and...bleh. It has a bit of an open, airy, slightly sweet, packing peanut taste. But it looks so much like chocolate milk. I gave it to my boss, because I'm a fantastic employee, and told him it was chocolate milk. Because of who I am and the fact that we've been working together for like five years, he knew I was up to something. Then he smelled it, confirmed I was up to something, drank it anyway, and for a minute, made that "ugh" sound.

Different tastes for different countries, I guess. If it was my job to sell this drink I might quit my job because I don't know anyone who would desire this drink, but I'm sure it's huge in Taiwan and I'm going to get a lot of foreign flack for this review. It is sweetened so I assume this is a casual drink, like pop would be to us. Taiwan? Anyone? I know there are a couple of you over there that can answer me.

I've had a long day. I hope the subway isn't packed. Oh, nice, it's pretty open. I've got my own bay of seats here. I can relax and stretch my legs out a bit...wait...what...oh man. This fat dude is standing right in front of and staring at me.

What sir? You want me to hold this glass? Where did you get this glass? It looks like you have a glass from home. That is what it is? Alright. I'll hold it. What are you doing with that backpack? Oh, what are you doing with that old shirt? You're putting it over the glass that I'm holding. Why are you doing this? Oh, in the backpack again. You are peeling an orange. I still don't know what I have to do with...are you making fresh squeezed orange juice on the subway? Why don't you just buy...another orange? Sir, I've got to recommend that you just go to the store and...another orange! I have orange juice all over my hand. Please. I don't want to do this anymore. Another orange? The glass is almost full. Sir? The glass is almost full. Sir. Sir!! Sir!! It's spilling over. Enough! Enough!

Here. I don't want to do this. You can have your shirt filled with orange rind and seeds and stuff and your glass. In your backpack again? For what and please don't let it be a knife. Oh, thank you. A Handi-Wipe for my hands. I appreciate it and am glad that...what? You want me to drink it? Sir, I don't mean to offend you, but I am not too keen about drinking subway orange juice from a man I don't know. In you backpack yet again. Oh. Woah! Woah! This time you do have a knife. I'll drink it. I'll drink it. This actually isn't too bad. If I may critique, I wish that you used a sweater next time instead of a shirt because although it's truly 100% juice, with no pulp and everything strained out, I would almost call you a liar if I didn't see you make this in front of my and with my help.

Here is your glass back. Thank you for the juice. I didn't see what was coming and although I don't really appreciate you threatening to stab me, I do appreciate the juice. That makes us even. Have a nice day. I'm going to take a long hot shower to wash the stick and filth off of me. Enjoy your night.

Name three fruits that are pretty intense in juice form. You chose cranberry, pomegranate and cherry all of which are correct answers. Straight up cranberry juice is pretty common and it's not super intense, but it can be fairly bitter if it's not sweetened properly. Have you ever drunk pure juice of the cherry or pomegranate? Now that is a wild ride. Ocean Spray has combined these three juices, along with apple and grape juices, into a concoction that is mild and pleasant. I really think it's the apple juice that smoothes it all out, but the three main flavors are all present in their own way. The cranberries and pomegranates swirl around each other and mix way nicer than you ever would expect. The Cherry is mostly there in the aftertaste. There is no sweetener added to it, which is the way juice should be.

Wow this was a boring textbook style review. Oh well it was a great juice, but there's really not much to say about it other than it's awesome.

Tea is wonderful. Tried and true, it has been perfected by some to a T. Those people did not make this tea. When I saw this tea in Derek's closet of drinks, I wanted it. I didn't tell him, but I wanted it. A nice sweet tea with cherry? I'll take it. When Derek was shedding weight for an easier move, I got this. Stoked. Today, to quench my thirst I could wait no longer.

I should have known that it wasn't going to be wonderful from the start. The first ingredients are sucrose, high fructose corn syrup, and instant tea powder. That's a slew of garbage if I've ever heard it. I enjoy sweet tea. As a matter of fact, I love it. This, friends, is not sweet tea. This is cherry juice with tea powder in it. Maybe tea powder with cherry powder in it. This is a drink. It's not classifiable, to me at least, as a tea or juice. It's just a drink. It tastes like bad instant tea mixed with bad cherry flavoring. It tastes like something you would make at home as an experiment, not like, and promptly throw out because it just didn't work like you expected it to in your head.

I understand you have a creative mind, Marburger Farm Dairy. I appreciate it. I really do. I have drunk hundreds of drinks and I have never had a cherry iced tea. After drinking this drink, I can unfortunately still say that.