Buddy Schaub is the trombonist for Less Than Jake. He did this review for us after a show in Niagara Falls in a haunted theatre.

Vinnie is the drummer from Less Than Jake and he also owns Paper & Plastick. I met up with him at their recent show in Niagara Falls. After this review we went and explored some haunted "tunnels" underneath the theatre. Good times!

Noah, dude. Did you see this? I know. It's very insensitive. All of those animals stuck on that boat. You listened to the man upstairs, built the arc, traveled for a long time, and then had to resettle. You spend months on a boat with monkeys thinking they owned the place. There was just animal poop everywhere. I know that the documentary maker who added your story to his book, "The Bible" didn't add any of the gross stuff. You would spend most days picking up pooh with a shovel and throwing it overboard. That's not glamorous. Also, people died in that flood. Did the maker of this drink forget that? Flood your thirst? Seriously. People died. I know people that died. This guy took your name and your story and exploited it to sell his drink. You want one? Alright. You can have mine.

What?! You like it? How could you, Noah? This is an insult to your experiences and your story. I know that was a long time ago and you work in a Best Buy now but it's still something you did, something you accomplished. Good lime flavor?! I don't even know you. I suppose you think that it's nice and refreshing because it doesn't have any sugar. What? Dude. Noah. Dude. You've gone soft. Your once calloused hands have softened back up. Alright, I know I'm being hard on you. I'm sorry. While you're back there, can you get me a pair of Beats headphones in purple? Thanks. My customer is going to be sore at me for talking to you for so long and clearly not working and getting the headphones they wanted.

This is another old soda that the good folks at Orca Beverage Soda Works had the right mind to bring back from the grave. Apparently Jersey-Creme was originally available as flavored concentrate used to make cream flavored products in the early 1900's. This magical concentrate was so good it was turned into a cream flavored beverage that had the slogan "The Perfect Drink".

Calling yourself the perfect drink is a bold and dangerous statement. It almost makes people have more scrutiny over you. This is a good cream soda, but I would never say it was perfect. In a weird way, I think it's too creamy. I like it when cream soda has a little bite to it, a little edge. This is just smooth sailing all the way down. Maybe I'm the weirdo that thinks cream soda shouldn't be extra creamy. All this talk about 'cream' is starting to gross me out a little.

Gerald was one dumb kid. He was one of those kids that didn't like to drink water so he drank anything but. When he was about eight, someone gave him an aloe drink and he fell in love. What kid wouldn't want to drink something with chunks? It's just gross enough that young boys think it's the most incredible thing ever. He would drink it every day. He would drink a lot of it every day. When he was at school he would have one of those giant 32 ounce bottles in his backpack and when the school day was over, he would have nearly finished the whole thing. When he was home, he would drink small containers because his mom and dad really didn't like him drinking that much.

He would hide them throughout his room. He particularly liked the La Vi drinks because they were good and they were small enough to fit in small places. The last time he went to his local Asian market the cashier, who knows him by name, turned him onto an apple La Vi aloe drink. It had a decent apple taste, was a little syrupy, and had those lovable chunks in it.

One day, when running in gym class, he fell and cut his leg. He grabbed his leg and when he lifted his hands to see how bad it was, and his hands were covered in aloe and chunks. It was a little pink from blood but for the most part, it was all aloe! He thought it was cool and called his friends over to look at it. They dared him to drink it but that was just too much for him. The nurse called his parents and yelled at them for letting him drink so much aloe and that it was bad for him. When Gerald got home, he was grounded and they found and threw out his stash of aloe drinks. He understood that he had a problem and cut his aloe intake way down.

I never thought I would ever find a red cream soda better than Crush Soda Mousse. Avid readers of Thirsty Dudes are probably sick of me talking about my love for the delicious cream soda from Canada, but I don't care. It's damn good! But sadly, it's throne as the best red/pink cream soda has been taken over by this wonderful soda I have in my hand.

This soda is a tad heavier, due to the corn syrup used. Even with that handicap, the taste on this is much better. It's creamier and smoother than other red/pink cream soda's I have had. The cherry taste is also much more prominent. I know Barq's is most well known for their root beer, but both of the cream soda's that I've had by them have been incredible. My advice to Barq's: use the wide distribution network that you use for your root beer line and get these cream soda's in stores all around the country. People will buy them. I know I will.

Charles, a mild mannered man, loved jazz. He didn't play any instruments himself, unless you consider the most cacophonous junior year of high school ever when he played guitar. He spent most nights alone in what used to be smoky jazz clubs in the city. Now they are smoke free and he is happy about that, but he admits that it misses a certain...something. He loves the greats like Maceo, Monk, and Miles as well as new cats.

Last night he went to a club downtown that just opened up a few weeks ago called JB's. He walked up to the entrance, and there was a man doing mime outside. He looked inside and there were TV's playing sports and people yelling. In the very back corner, he saw a man playing guitar. He heard the rest of a band, but couldn't see him through the crowd. He approached the doorman and said to him, "Is this a jazz club? It doesn't look like one and you advertised it as one." The doorman rudely said, "What are you, the bar police? Pay the five dollar cover and go inside if you want to see what JB's is all about." Charles reluctantly did and headed right towards the guitar player.

He shuffled through the people towards the guitarist so quickly that he didn't realize that there was no band at all. The man with the guitar was playing along with an iPod playing jazz. He was good, but it wasn't the same. He approached the bar and asked for something to drink. The bartender asked what he wanted and he asked what the house specials were. The bartender said that JB's had it's own line of drinks and gave him a list. Charles, knowing this night was going to be quicker than intended and he was probably going to leave soon, got a lemon tea. He took a sip and expected that it was going to be awful like the rest of the club. He was wrong. The tea had a nice lemon flavor and decent tea flavor. It obviously wasn't something you would make at home and tasted pretty manufactured, but he liked it more than a lemon Brisk. It tasted more real than that.

He finished up his tea, tipped the bartender, said goodbye to the doorman and got in his car to go home. It was only eight and he was too upset to stay out so he went home. That was the last time that he went to JB's for the jazz but on occasion, he would stop in during the day and get an iced tea and talk to all the creepy day-drinkers.

I've never had cherry cola before. Okay, that's a bold face lie. What I'm trying to say is that after drinking this cherry cola, I now realize that I have never had REAL cherry cola.

Drinking this soda is like bowling. No, you're not required to wear a pair of weird rental shoes from the 70's when you drink this. Nor does it smell like your uncle. Upon first sipping it, you get this delicious full cherry taste that goes down really smooth. This is just like the smooth roll you get when your bowling ball goes down the lane. It has a nice calming sound, and it seems to last forever. But then just as you start to really enjoy it, the ball crashes into the pins. That is when the cola taste hits you. It's a sharp and deep cola bite that I don't know if I've ever experienced before.

I'm looking for things to be critical of, but I can't find any. This is hands down the best cherry cola I have every consumed.

Some nights you just sit to kick back and relax with a bottle of soda and a good movie. What good movie should you watch? Well obviously the answer to that is Elvira's Haunted Hills. Wait, you mean you've never heard of the sequel (prequel?) to Mistress of the Dark that came out 13 years later? You my friend are in for a treat. Imagine if you will if you took a common household blender and threw in Elvira and the Mel Brook's classic Young Frankenstein. Puree that up a bit and the result is Haunted Hills. It's fun and hysterical in the dumbest way possible; exactly the way I like it.

What else could accompany this movie than a drink endorsed by the Mistress herself? The picture on the label even looks like one of the half dozen times she screams as some one (namely Lady Hellsubus) opens a door at the same time as her. This is a (s)cream soda of the red variety, much like the infamous Crush “soda mousse.” The vanilla isn't incredibly strong, but it does have a faint sweet kind of berry taste to it. It's not a standout cream soda, but it's slightly better than most other cane sugar sodas of the flavor. Now if you are a fan of fun like I know you are go out and get some soda and get your hands on Haunted Hills and enjoy your night. You've earned it.

Or you could just take a day trip to the beach, but don't forget your SPF 1000 sunblock.

Thousands of years ago Central America was the home to many a dragon. That's right, dragons lived in Central America and not in Europe or England like the stories would have you believe. Dragons like heat, so why would they hang out in cold Euroland? In fact they like heat so much that they made their nests inside of volcanoes in an already tropical climate. Their eggs had to actually be at 800 degrees in order to come to gestation and hatch. That is the source of the downfall of the dragon. You see dragons may have been tough with basically impenetrable scales that allowed them to torment the close villages, but they had a screwy internal clock that caused them only to live for four years. They could get a bachelors degree and then they bit the dust. Luckily newborn dragons matured in only a couple of weeks. One day all of the volcanoes dried up and became inactive. The heat level dropped, the eggs went unhatched and the legendary beasts became extinct.

Here we are in 2012 and the volcanoes are still inactive, and dragons are nowhere to be seen. Their legacy lives on though through the magical fruit Pitaya, or dragonfruit as it is commonly known. Something happened with the unhatched dragon eggs that caused this fruit to see the light of day. It grows on the mountainsides of the still dormant volcanoes and is full of antioxidants and fiber. Seriously this fruit is beyond healthy. The antioxidants in one bottle of this are equal to that of 100 blueberries. It's not messing around.

It has a slightly chalky texture to it that I would assume is due to the high fiber content. The flavor is great though. The dragonfruit tastes kind of like a mix between an apple and a kiwi, but very mild, just sweet and inoffensive. There is mango puree and pineapple juice in this as well, but neither overpowers the taste. I would have never guessed there was pineapple in it, until I read it, and then I could detect it slightly. The mango flavor is more present, but it blends in well with the dragonfruit to create a nice smooth tropical flavor. I think this could also work well as a palate cleanser. I say thank you dragons for creating this fruit for us. I just hope those volcanoes don't ever erupt again causing the eggs to finally hatch. That would be a good time for no one down in Central America.

Kel loves orange soda. I don't really know why he chose to mention it so much. Orange, to me, is never fantastic. It's just "good" all the time. It's better in certain scenarios, like BBQ's and picnics, but for the most part, it's not something to love. Kel, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying you should update your "love list" of pop. I know you've got one. You seem like the type of guy that has an ongoing list of things he loves and more frequently than you would imagine he updates it, reorders it, and tweaks it so he knows just what he wants out of life. The more you think about it, the better of an idea it seems. It's like a wish board that inspires you to go for what you want in life.

This pop shouldn't be on the list. It's good. Nicely sweet, nicely flavored, but it's just an orange pop. Cane sugar or not, sweeteners can't bring this drink out of the rut that it is destined to be in.

If his list is anything like mine, there are things like a Lamborghini Countach, tacos, and a vintage stainless steel Rolex Datejust on it. He and I may be completely different, though. I've never met the dude. Kel, if you're listening, you are more than welcome to do a guest review and clear up with the general public exactly what is on your wish list.

Sally, you've got your science project due tomorrow right? Did you do it? Oh really? Come on, Sally. Don't lie to your daddy. Did you do it? You did? Well let me see it. As a scientist, I need to see what science projects leave this house. I know you're only ten but I've got a reputation in this community as a fantastic scientist and if you leave this house with a Styrofoam mobile of planets or a baking soda volcano I will be the laughing stock of the science community.

What was your project on? Mixing liquids? That seems interesting. Acids and bases? That type of stuff? Oh, look at you. Using words like carbon dioxide and oxygen. You're a regular chip off the old block. So, what did you make? Oh, a bottle of pop. That's actually a pretty good use of mixing liquids, Sally. Oh, you drew a little cartoon on the label. What's that? A bear driving a hot rod down the road filled with bubbles on a picnic placemat. Well, I've got to say, for a ten year old, that's pretty detailed. How does it taste? Oh, you like it. Well that's good. Do you have any extra? Oh, thank you. I'll just have a little glass. It's close to bedtime and I don't like sweets so close to bed, but my doctor does. Ha ha ha! Oh, that's a little dad joke. No big deal. Sally, how much sugar did you use in this? What did you use for the flavor? You mushed up mixed berry jelly you took from IHOP this morning? I guess that is a pretty easy way to get flavor. It does taste just like how “berry” would taste, not knowing what kind or kinds of berry or berries I'm ingesting.

This isn't good and it meets my approval. I think that the teacher might agree with me but if you could make some more bottles, I bet your little friends would love it. You kids love your sugar but my checkbook sure doesn't. Ha ha ha! Oh just another dad joke.

A list of some things that are interesting:
- A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
- A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 6 years.
- Butterflies taste with their feet.
- It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
- The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.;
- The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
- If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
- Hippo milk is pink.
- If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
- Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team his sophomore year.

More interesting than all of those is the taste of this drink. It tastes like winter holidays and tropical locations at the same time. I can only assume that children in the Caribbean leave bottles of this out for Santa on Xmas Eve. Somehow this tastes nothing like I expected it to, yet as an afterthought it tastes exactly like it should. I anticipated a heavy clove flavor, but in fact in this drink lime reigns supreme. The hibiscus rounds out the lime so it's not very tart and it makes it taste fancy. If it were just those two things I'm pretty sure I would love this drink. When you factor in just the faintest hint of clove it puts it through the roof. The clove is the secret to the craziness of this drink. There is nothing harsh about it, but it's there and it's exotic. It's cold here in Buffalo, but while I'm drinking this I'm lounging on a beach with the sun beating down on me and I have a plate of freshly cut mango on the table next to me. Life is good.

Having a kid, I am at the forefront on whether or not to use "baby talk." I can safely say that in the one single year of my son's life, I have never used baby talk or have I wanted to. Just reading the title of this drink aloud to him would null and void my streak. I understand that this is a drink for kids, but this is a phrase for babies. The only thing that could make the title of this drink any worse would be to change the "Y" in "yummies" to an "N." I can't even bring myself to type that out. Awful. Simply terrible.

Name aside, who doesn't love a nice, sweet orange drink? There is no edge, as I was expecting in this drink. It's smooth, which is strange. It's not creamy, which would be insanely disgusting. It just goes down well and doesn't choke you up. At first I thought that it was a bit Freez-e-pop-esque but I take that back. It did not taste at all like a real orange, and thinking it would is crazy. It tastes like candy orange and that is fine with me. I might prefer that to authentic orange unless it's orange juice. Let oranges do what they're good at and if you're not going to use real oranges, make something the same color that vaguely at best tastes like it. Hey, it worked for grapes.

Now I kind of want a grape version of this to see if it would solidify my point. I reckon it would.

It was weird drinking this in my house because it felt out of place. This soda screams "Grandma's fridge" or "sketchy gas station/corner store in the middle of Pennsylvania". It looks generic and (surprise surprise) tastes generic. Editor Dan brought this back to us from his travels, and I'm very appreciative because now I know that this definitely is NOT "a treat" (sorry, I had to). I've had worse, but I could throw a bottle cap and find a better root beer than this.

Remember when David Bowie proclaimed, “This isn't orange juice, this is genocide”? Yeah, that was weird. I now understand that he was talking about. He was referring to the slaying of thousands of blood oranges to get to their tart, tart hemoglobin. I normally think that the senseless murder of anything is an atrocity beyond explanation, but with one sip of this and you'll be right up front with a juicer of your own. Blood oranges are far superior to your everyday oranges and Nobel is leading the crusade with this juice. I normally wouldn't say this, but I really wish they had added a little bit of sugar to this. Just a pinch would have made a world of a difference. As it is I really like it, but every time I take a sip I can't help but make that “I just put 25 sour Warheads in my mouth at the same time face to win a bet” face. Man is it ever tart.

All energy shots are basically everything in a large can or energy drink condensed into a little bottle. It's to be expected that the flavor is going to be very strong and not too pleasant. If you take three of those little bottles and boil them down and make one bottle out of the trio you get one of these. When it's in your mouth it just tastes like an extremely concentrated strong grape flavor, but the instant you breathe in the most intense chemical energy drink taste I've ever experienced. It's not very good, but that is not the point with energy shots. No one buys something like this for a nice tasty treat. The point of them is for strong, lasting energy and when it comes to that this shot certainly pulls through.

A haiku about Dr Brown's Ginger Ale:

light ginger-less soda
too dry to enjoy at all
watered down garbage

I was born a snake handler, and I'll die a snake handler. Some do it for spiritual guidance. I do it for profit and energy. You see, what most snake handlers don't know is that if you take the venom of specific breeds of snakes and mix them with the proper ingredients they make one heck of an energy drink. Recently I've been into the sweet juice produced by the taipan. A lot of people have compared the taste of it to mangos, but I really think it has a bit of a pineapple zest to it. I see the mango there too, but if anything it's a hybrid of the two. After I mix it together with my other ingredients it tastes like someone mixed a cheap pineapple soda with some mango juice. It's fairly tasty and the energy boost it gives you is decent enough.
So anyways, every couple of months or so I hop on a plane over to Australia, wrangle up a whole mess of the small slithery creeps and extract away. When I have it all ready I fill up a bunch of vials and umm..hide them on my person. Customs doesn't take to kindly to people smuggling snake venom over international borders. It's an uncomfortable 20-hour flight, but as I said I'm hooked on the snake juice. Sure it's a hard life, but the end results are worth it. You should see my arms. They are more scarred up than a 15 year-old art student who only listens to what Robert Smiths tells them to do. It's not a pretty sight.

I'm glad I cornered you here in this elevator. I bet if we weren't both professionals this would seem really creepy. You know, a guy chasing another guy from the parking lot into a building, and then just narrowly making it into the elevator before the doors closed. If this was a movie I bet I would kill you shortly. Oh don't worry, this isn't a movie and I'm not going to kill you. Or am I? No I'm just joshin' ya.

The reason I wanted to talk to you was because I have a great idea for an episode of your show. No, no please let me finish before you say a word. Okay I know you go into a lot more technical stuff on the show, but I have an idea to do a show about a drink. A specific drink at that: Ichitan's Double Drink. I know you've heard of it because it's one of the most popular drinks in Taiwan and I know you're a worldly man. Here's the breakdown. First you take some nice pale dry ginger ale and shake the crap out of it for a good twenty minutes. Then you open it over a barrel and let the now uncarbonated soda pour in. Secondly, you take a container of plain aloe juice and filter out all of the chunks. The liquid gets poured into the barrel, and I don't care what you do with the chunks. Maybe play pranks with them. Finally you take the contents that are in the barrel and add a buttload of electrolytes so that it has that specific aftertaste that the Rain line of Gatorade has. Shake it all up and put in a bottle to be sold. It's delicious I tell you. I know they throw some berries on the label, but that's just for show.

Oh, I don't work for the company. I just love the drink, and this is how I've recreated it at home. Wait…€¦.what? You don't work for How Stuff Works? You're actually just a janitor? Well why did you let me waste my time you jerk. I'm getting you fired and possibly arrested for impersonating an executive. Prepare to meet your cell you worthless liar!