I've got it.

What's that?

I've made a cashew juice.

You can't juice cashews, idiot.

Woah. First thing, I'm a scientist so I am most certainly not an idiot. Secondly you are the idiot because cashews grow from a fruit. Here try it.

Ugh, it smells like puke.

Just try it.

It's hard to get past the smell but it's...alright. It's smooth and obviously nutty. It almost tastes like a light mango juice if it was filtered through a can of Planters peanuts.

Yeah? Awesome, right?

No, not really. It's a good try, and I've learned something, but I really don't see myself drinking this, regardless of it's supposed health benefits. So long as I don't smell it, it's alright, but the thought of drinking nuts doesn't really appeal to me.

Stop being such a scardy cat and/or wuss.

Yeah? Stop inventing strange and gross drinks.

Last week was my girlfriend's birthday, so a bunch of us went out to a Greek restaurant. At the restaurant they had two different sodas made by the Ivi company. We picked up the carbonated lemonade variety. It has fairly obnoxious packaging. The label was obviously designed with Illustrator, which I am not a big fan of. Any art that looks like that is going to be so dated in ten years. Unfortunately it is everywhere nowadays. This specifically looks like it was designed to attract the interest of teenagers.

When I spent sometime in Europe I discovered that the people there have a love for carbonated lemonade. It's not something that you see very often in the U.S. Mostly it was pretty much just lemonade with sparkling water, a nice light beverage. This on the other hand is more of a soda. It tastes like a 7Up with way more lemon in it than there normally is. I enjoy it, but it's way thicker than I would have expected.


When I spent sometime in Europe I discovered that the people there have a love for carbonated lemonade. It's not something that you see very often in the U.S. Mostly it was pretty much just lemonade with sparkling water. A nice light beverage. This on the other hand is more of a soda. It tastes like a 7Up with way more lemon in it than there normally is. I enjoy it, but it's way thicker than I would have expected.

We went camping this weekend for our friend Kevyn's bachelor party. I brought several boxes full of my extra drinks for everyone to enjoy. A lot of aloe drinks were downed. The fun this about aloe is watching people's faces when they drink it for the first time. Even when they know there are chunks in it the look of shock and disgust is always there. It's ridiculous how many people describe the chunks as "feathery." Everyone I've known who's kept trucking and finished a bottle, has loved it by the end and wanted more. Once you get used to the chunks, they become a fun little game. Catching them in your teeth and chewing them after you swallow the liquid is always fun. Our friend Nick had his first aloe experience this weekend, and he powered through that first bottle. By the end of the weekend I think he had drank about six of them himself.

I brought this bottle of Sabila as part of my personal stock. It's pretty great. The chunks are an average size for these types of drinks. What stands out with this brand is that they use actual juice instead of artificial flavoring, and that the sugar added is low on the ingredients list. They let the aloe and the juice speak for themselves. They have a lot to say, believe me.

CalNaturale is better known for their wine that comes in these little cartons. They have fairly recently branched out with their Svelte line. It's a vegan friendly line of nutritional/protein drinks. Their website claims to provide you with "the lasting nutrition and sustained energy you need for your active and busy day." We've had a handful of protein style drinks lately. Most of them have been surprisingly good.

I have proclaimed many times (to the rolling eyes of my girlfriend) that a bowl of cereal in the morning does not count as food for the day. It is simply part of a routine, a crucial part at that. Being that I need my morning cereal (fake Cinnamon Toast Crunch, because I am a child after all) I use a decent amount of soy/almond milk. For a while I always used the vanilla versions to give the cereal a little extra kick. None of the stuff that I had tried had an eighth of the vanilla punch that this little carton does. You get punched right in the uvula by that little vanilla bean. While you're recovering the soy aftertaste sets in. When I first started drinking this carton I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. The further in I got the more I enjoyed it. I guess I just needed to get accustomed to it.

Often and typically, when we Thirsty Dudes go to a grocery store, we skip by the "in house" brand drinks. It's not that they're bad. It's just that they are terribly similar and not too impressive.

Jay and I recently got back from a camping expedition, which many of this week's reviews will probably reference. While taking five from camping, we went to town and stopped at a local supermarket. There, Jay found this white birch beer. I bought it along with marshmallows and Tums for Jay's aching belly and we hit the road. When we got back to the cabin, I cracked that bad boy open, took a sip and pondered while the rest of the team took sips. It had a light birch beer taste off the bat then was followed by a cream soda taste and then at the end was a candy-like root beer taste. Yes, it was sweet. No, it was not naturally sweetened. It was still good at you can find that Sure Fine pretty easily around here. Keep an eye out and give it a shot.

This can came courtesy of my friend Bree from Pittsburgh. On a mission to find weird drinks for me, she came across this at a dollar store. While I love the name of the drink and the art (who doesn't love otters who can play hockey?), most dollar store drinks are that cheap for a reason.

I was surprised that I actually enjoyed it. It's a sparkling juice marketed to kids, and not as sweet as i expected it to be. It's a decent orange taste, with a bitter (almost energy drink like) aftertaste. While it's good for a dollar store drink, it's not something I'd regularly buy.

The only thing, soda wise, I don't like about the Northwest is the lack of birch beer. It's nowhere to be found. Luckily the good folks of Hosmer Mountain sent me this bottle to satisfy my birch beer craving. I have come to love white birch beer more than other varieties of birch beer. It has a much lighter and cleaner taste. I love the 'birch' flavor in this bottle. It's the perfect sweetness and taste. I just found my favorite birch beer.

Ahh, the tropics. I've never been. I've been to Florida, but never anywhere tropical. I feel that everything is sand, everyone drives beach buggies, everyone wears hula skirts, and there is an abundance of fresh fruit everywhere. I am certain this place exists somewhere in the geographic world. No, I will not put money on it, but I can still be certain that it's there. In the case that you can't come up with the $1,000 it takes to go there, you can probably stop over to your local grocery store and try and find this drink. Although I am second guessing some of their "tropical" fruits, the taste is pretty good. Yes, there is the dreaded banana in it, but apple, peach, and pineapple juices mask it.

If I had things my way, I would be in a palm tree, drinking this out of a coconut with a little umbrella. My straw would be made of bamboo because that sounds awesome and I would be waiting for the pig roast below to be complete so that I may eat until my heart and stomach is content. Also, if you don't know me, in this fantasy I have also given myself the ability to climb trees. In high school I had to do the rope climb and might have made it as high as I can jump and hold on. Someday I'll master that rope and as soon as I do, bon voyage.

I'm just going to come out and say it in a public forum. I have a completely non-sexual man-crush on Paul Rudd. He's hysterical and just seems like he's a really rad dude. Also, he apparently loves Lungfish and other DC bands. That gets my approval. One of my favorite roles of his is Jeff from the in-between segments in the movie "The Ten." I bring this up because in that role he's fighting with his ex and they get into an argument over whether he's been taking his fish oil. Exasperated he yells that he's "getting his omega 3 fatty acids through other means." His delivery is absolutely perfect and I erupt into laughter every time I see that part. I can only imagine he's getting those fatty acids through flax seed. If I'm correct I really hope he's drinking said flax seed in this liquid form.

With all of the soda we drink I'm always pleased to get some natural teas to review, but when drinks go into new territories of healthy I will admit I get nervous. The container of flax seed that my roommate keeps in the fridge definitely made me skeptical of this. Let's face it, specialty health drinks for the most part usually aren't the greatest. I anticipated bitter. I anticipated gritty. What I didn't anticipate was a very smooth and sweet tea with a strong mandarin orange flavoring. Pleasant surprises abound! As an added bonus the label design is top notch. I'm very excited to try their other flavors.

Now I just want to watch a Paul Rudd movie. It will probably be Role Models. That never, ever gets old.

Question: Did I just eat a GD apple?
Answer: No, you stupid idiot. You just drank iced tea.

Question: No. Seriously. What is happening to me?
Answer: Well that's a bit vague, don't you think? I did notice that you're getting grays in your beard.

Answer: Yeah, and it's awesome. You can't tell me it's not going to make me look distinguished.
Question: I guess it will, but don't you think that it will make you look older?

Answer: Who cares? I look young anyway. I think I could grow an all gray beard and I would look rad as heck.
Question: Should we address this iced tea more?

Answer: What's to say? It's awesome, not terrible for you, and tastes like a friggin' apple. It might taste more like an actual apple than apple juice.

Here is the latest installment of our recent influx of protein/workout drinks. The point of this drink is to help out in muscle recovery after a workout. This specific formula was designed with three parts carbohydrates to each part protein to help with the muscles.

This is chocolaty. Dark chocolatey with only a little bit chalky texture. Not enough to be problematic. A friend said it tasted like a high end Yoo-Hoo. I can see that, except it's thicker. I should really work out more. Winter has made me lazy. When I finally shake this laziness off I will have to drink these afterward. How hysterical would it be if I got ripped? That would be laughable.

Danny at Real Soda knows how to make a quality frothy beverage. This is a top-notch birch beer with a nice amount of bite to it. For those not familiar with birch beer it is similar to root beer, but with a slightly different twist. It has a woodsier taste to it. The label design leaves something to be desired, but really that doesn't matter when you have a quality soda like this. I wish I had more to say, but I'm off to go see Off! play. Keith Morris here I come.

I drank half of this bottle at work last week. I hadn't finished it by the time I left so I threw it in the fridge when I got home, and planned on finishing it later that night. During the next few hours it got lost in the sea of beverages that my refrigerator has become. It somehow resurfaced this afternoon. I guess the tide must have been low during the hours of 3 to 5.

Like most, if not all, Honest products this is made with organic tea, cane sugar and natural fruit flavor. It's a solid drink. It's a nice bitter green tea with a slight mango flavor. It delivers what it promises. It's true, Honest Tea are no liars.

My sleep habits have been absolutely terrible lately. I blame this stupid cold that I got. It started with me waking up way early for no reason, and being completely awake for a few hours before exhaustion set it. As my sickness progressed I started waking up for periods of time in the middle of the night. Last night it got to the point where I just couldn't sleep. I forgot to pick up some more cold medicine, so I downed this little guy.

I think they forgot to list all of the ingredients on the packaging. I think that because I didn't see Rohypnol listed. If you didn't know Rohypnol is the clinical name for "roofies." I feel like it has to be in there, because I was wide-awake, I drank this bottle, I laid down and the next thing I knew it was 9:30am. This was the most effective "relaxation drink" that I have had yet. I was out pretty much instantly. It's a bit diety and medicinal tasting, but since it's only a shot I can deal with that for the effects it has. It doesn't taste like toxic sludge, but it's not something I would drink due to the taste.

If you're at a bar or party and you see these little bottles lying around don't drink those drinks. No one wants to wake up in a dude bros gross bed, or worse in a tub full of ice with a note that you're kidney has been removed. Beware the dark harvest!

When Dan and I purchased a four pack of this drink the cashier tried to have an intellectual conversation with us. She began by inquiring "Aren't all beverages three dimensional? What makes this drink special?" She was trying so hard to be witty. I humored her by stating that I was only interested in four-dimensional drinks. If a beverage did not span time as well as space, then it need not apply. That resulted in a fairly blank look with a forced smile that accompanied an "Enjoy your day." Oh well I tried. Maybe I should have made a Back to the Future reference. She may have been too young to get it though.

3D lists their three dimensions as super fruits, essential vitamins, and healthy white tea. That's a bit of a stretch as far an dimensions go. I think Stephen Hawking may take issue with it, but who knows maybe that's what all his research has been working towards.

As promised this is a white tea with a nice tart pomegranate flavoring. It had a weird smell when I first opened it, but it tasted pretty great. I don't think it's anything great enough for Marty McFly to go back in time for, but I could see Doc Brown downing a four pack working on the flux capacitor.

Try as I might, Arizona iced tea always reminds me of summer. Skating during the day, going to a show in the evening, and swimming at night. Cans and bottles of Arizona Iced Tea was my beverage of choice in-between and during each activity. That is how I spent many summers in Buffalo. Which is why Arizona iced tea= summer.

It has been a long time since I've had Arizona iced tea, and it's still good. Obviously it isn't the best iced tea out there, but it's just how i like it: sweet and fruit flavored. The only thing I wish is that this was made with cane sugar.

Coca-cola the way it should be, made with real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. I don't know if it's the free fancy hotel room I'm sitting it while drinking it (due to being bumped from a flight), but this is one of the best bottles of normal cola I've had in a while. It's smooth, delicious, and lacks the burn that most colas have. Mexican Coca-Cola for the win!

Hansen's, you know what you are doing when it comes to sodas. I don't care what Derek thinks. Mike and I love you for your fizzy greatness. Your canned smoothies left a lot to be desired. In fact I think your pineapple coconut one was the first drink we ever gave a "one-bottle" review to. I know we use the phrase "barf sauce" a decent amount on here, but that smoothie literally tasted like vomit. So you are up for pop, down for soda.

Here we venture forth into your third line of drinks, juice. This here is the tiebreaker and as it turns out, you come out on the winning team. This is some pretty great juice. It's good on it's own, but the fact that it's a diet juice puts it over the top. Rebiana is a great lo-cal sweetener that doesn't have a very strong diet taste. It tastes like pomegranate and blackberry, just the way it should. I wish it was more than 35% fruit juice, but as I said for a diet beverage, this has a lot going for it.

Dear members of the board, let's change the name of the company to "Texas Burst". Why? Well, because "Jersey's Best Drinks" isn't really as strong a name. You've got the "Texas", which is big and large and the "burst", which is flavorful, explosive, and tasty. "Jersey's Best Drinks" was a name given to us by that strange indie kid who used to listen to strange headbanging music on his headphones. Creative department. I took a design class at community college and think that I know a thing or two about design and creativity. Kids, what do they know? So, "Texas Burst" it is. No, John, it's not lying. We don't have to be in Texas to reference the name. It's not misleading at all John. Why are you always challenging me? Man, give it a break.

So flavors...how about something tropical? Mango? No. Pineapple? Yeah. Definitely. Something else...strawberry? Serious? John? Strawberries aren't tropical. Idiot. Watermelon. Nothing's more tropical than a good ol' watermelon. Done. Those two will be perfect together. What else? What?!? John...cane sugar? What are we? Made of money? Corn syrup will do just fine in this application. Let's get a nice big bottle, too. People love quantity over quality. Oh, and mark it down, too. Cheap, like sub dollar cheap. We're going to make a fortune.

I don't understand how I can pass out at night as soon as my head hits the pillow; yet wake up exactly two hours later completely awake. I normally have no problems with my sleep patterns, but this has been happening for the past week or so. Last night after my sudden awakening and consequent tossing and turning, my girlfriend started talking in her sleep. She repeatedly asked me, "What's happening to the front right door?" I still don't know what she was talking about. When I asked her, "What door?" She just said, "This one." and fell into a deeper sleep. At that point I needed to fall asleep fast, so I downed this relaxation drink. I know this variety wasn't made to make me pass out, but it did help. It doesn't have melatonin in it, but the chamomile and Valerian did the trick. This tasted like carbonated Vitamin Water, specifically the guava one (which doesn't really taste like guava). I say thank you Ex. You made my nights sleep a lot better.