Chunky - 165 Reviews

Let me tell you the tale of Chia Steve. His cousin Joe is the founder of the Chia Pet empire. The fortune that he amassed during the late 70's an the 80's was enormous. We're talking Scrooge McDuck money here, like swimming pools full of money-money. You're probably thinking "Well good for him. He had a great idea and he ran with it and it paid off." Chia Steve would break your thumbs if he heard you say that. Steve was, and I guess still is, a botanist. Early in his career he came across the salvia hispanica (chia plant for you non-scientists out there). He became obsessed with how easily the seeds germinated and it was his life goal to discover all of this plants secrets. He spent so much time with the chia plants that the seeds would often get lodged in his unruly beard. It was at Thanksgiving 1976 when Steve went to his family dinner. He had been up all night with his plants and had yet to sleep. He didn't have much time so he just jumped in the shower to rinse off. Steve didn't realize that there were a whole mess of seeds in his beard and by the time dinner rolled around they had begun to sprout on his face. The entire family, including Steve, had a good laugh about it. He gave everyone a quick lesson on the plant and then ate his weight in mashed potatoes and stuffing. Steve had no idea that Joe was even paying attention until six months later when Chia Pets hit the market. Joe wouldn't even return Steve's calls and the infamous "Chia Court" battles ensued. It really broke poor Steve's mind grapes and he became a bit of a shut in.

A few year ago his sister finally got him to open his door to her. She came over weekly to drop off food, and clean up the place a bit. Once she got grossed out because she thought thousands of tiny spores had sprouted in one of Steve's juice glasses. It took quite a while for him to convince her that they weren't spores and were in fact chia seeds. He had been adding them to his morning juice for years for their health benefits. That was the moment that turned Steve's life around. His sister convinced him to market this juice. He was reluctant at first until she convinced him they would give cousin Joe a run for his money. Thus Mamma Chia was born.

Their flagship flavor was the cherry lime. It's weird because in a world obsessed with mojitos whenever you taste lime you expect the cool crispness of mint to follow. That is not the case with this beverage. Instead you are met with the tartness of cherry juice. It's not a combination of juices that I could drink a lot of, but the seeds really work with it. They are coated with some sort of gelatinous casing that makes them go down smooth. It's almost frothy feeling. The taste of the lime and the cherry mixed in with the entertainment of the coated seeds make this a tasty and interesting beverage. Here's to hoping that Chia Steve will soon be diving into Olympic swimming pools full of gold doubloons.

ps. Everything stated above with the exception of how awesome the drink tastes is a complete fallacy. Sincerely, Known Liar Jason.

For years I've trudged across this planet in search of a holy grail of sorts. No not Ecto Cooler (well I have been looking for it, but I can buy expired stuff on eBay), what I speak of is the elusive cantaloupe juice. Why can't I find it? I'm beginning to thin that it just doesn't exist which is ridiculous because cantaloupes are super juicy and messy to eat. Someone needs to harness that power so I can enjoy a nice tall glass of it.

On my last trip to Toronto I found this in an Asian market and I briefly thought my arduous trip had come to an end. That full melon sure looks like cantaloupe, but on closer inspection the slice is green and very obviously honeydew. Drats. I have nothing against honeydew, but you have to admit it's doesn't come close to touching cantaloupe. That being said this is one heck of a drink. Even though the ingredients list it as "melon flavor" I sure thought it was actual honeydew juice. It taste exactly like biting into an extremely ripe melon that has been soaking in sugar water. The aloe chunks in it are great. It's easy to forget that they are aloe and not melon pulp. Oh man cantaloupe juice with pulp in it would be a dream come true. Until someone gets up the guts to make the worlds best juice looks like I'll have to settle for these little cans of awesome.

If I didn't know any better I would have gathered from this bottle that Frubob was a company that made knock off Pez and then tried their hand at the beverage game. Look at that picture. It looks like little Pez with pineapple stalks coming out of the top. Lucky for everyone involved that is not the case. This does not taste like a gross candy beverage, and they needn't worry about receiving a cease and desist letter from a classic candy company.

This is in fact a mixture of pineapple and apple juice, with no sugar added. To be honest if they had added sugar it would have been so sweet that it was undrinkable. The best part of this is the chunks of pineapple in it. They are the size of the chunks in most aloe drinks, but with a slightly different texture. It gives the juice a more natural flavor, and feel. I know what you're thinking, and you don't have to worry. This does not cross the line into vomit pineapple flavoring. It's sweet and perfect.

This could not be a more disgusting drink. I mean it. This is hardly drinkable. I took one sip and essentially signed off on the whole thing. I love aloe. This has so much chunk in it that you think that you're drinking something else. It's downright thick. Second, it's got coconut water in it which I am not the largest fan of, but I thought that since it's got fruits in there, both prefixed with "mango" ironically, it might be alright. Nope. It stood out like a sore thumb. I can taste the fruit but it's so masked by chunks and coconut that you'd be better off just not adding flavor, or more flavor. This drink is a Frankenstein of all things bad and no, I'm not using that phrase because it's a week away from Halloween.

It's been awhile since I've had an aloe drink. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I started drinking this bottle of Paldo. No matter what flavor they are they all have such a specific underlying flavor. It's almost a white grape flavor, but it's slightly crisper. So this tastes like a crisp white grape and mango hybrid. If it was a juice it would be great on it's own, but when you add the aloe chunks into the mix things get even better. Paldo uses smaller chunks than other companies, but they make up for it in flavor.

Grandpa was the king of cookies. Whenever we'd go to visit he had a smorgasbord of confectioneries that he would sneak us when no one was looking. Grandma on the other hand loved her hard candies. Her assortment would change, but there would always be the strawberry candy in the mix. You know the ones whose wrappers are printed to look like the fruit. As soon as I tasted this drink it made me think about those candies. They were never my favorite, of course they couldn't compete with grandpa's cookies, but I never turned one down. I feel the same way about this drink. It's not my favorite aloe drink, but if it was offered to me I would always happily take it. It has average sized aloe chunks in it, which almost come off as bits of berries. It may not be the best, but it's a nice walk down memory lane. Drink one and think of your grandmother.

You know what I love? Discovering new Asian markets. It's a great feeling because that means that a new world is open for me to discover. I went in bright and early and bought everything they had that we hadn't done, including this rocket shaped aloe drink.

So as you can see, the first thing I noticed is the packaging, which is nothing short of awesome. Ergonomically designed and rocket shaped?! Sold, dude. Sold.

Taste-wise, it's just an aloe. It's white grape flavored aloe with giant chunks. The chunks are pretty good because every one you get and chew is like a flavor explosion in your mouth. If you were a glutton and had no self-restraint, you could have a grand finale by drinking the whole container and just going chew crazy.

I liked this drink and any fan of aloe should seek it out.

My girlfriend bought this bread from a local, organic bakery. They are known for their hand crafted, unique, flavorful breads. She bought a loaf of apple cider bread. All day I wanted that bread but we had a million things to do. Next day? Half of the day was filled with stuff to do and finally, in the late evening, we had our chance. I got a knife out and cut a nice slice of bread for each of us and sat down to watch "Jon Benjamin Has A Van" because it's wonderfully hilarious. Do you want to know what wasn't hilarious? How simply awful this bread was. Aside from it having no flavor, the sheer "whole wheat" of it all left a sandy, unwanted aftertaste.

Thinking that we, perhaps, got a dull slice, I brought it to work where I cut another piece for myself. Just as bad. Thank God I had this drink to wash it down. It's very sweet and today I needed it because I couldn't deal with the feeling of someone chewing flavorless, whole wheat bread and spitting it into my mouth like some sort of baby bird. Good sized chunks and totally natural ingredients are the key to a good aloe. I actually like this better than some of the flavored aloe that I have had from these guys.

So there is still half a loaf of bread and it's on the fast track to staying half a loaf of bread with mold on it really soon. Don't mess with Texas and don't mess with bread.

It's been a long day here at the juicery. Jerry called in sick, so I had to work a double. I told him that milk was two weeks expired, but he wouldn't listen and chugged the carton. Now he's laying in a pile of vom on his bathroom floor and I'm stuck at work. At least the boss just told me that I could leave as soon as I get through this batch for Fruit 2 Day. I wonder what would happen if I only blended the fruit for a quarter of the time that we're supposed to. I'm sure no one will be able to tell the difference, and it would get me out of here like two hours earlier than I expected.

**Cut to six hours later**
Okay, let's see here.
Apples? Check.
Grapes? Check.
Bananas? Check.
Strawberries? Check.
Raspberries? Check.
Blueberries? Check.
Pears? Check.
Cherries? Check.

Looks like I got through all of the fruit that is supposed to get mixed together for this juice. I'll just check the consistency quick and then I'm home free. Fudge. This is really chunky. I mean really, really chunky. Some of the fruit was soft enough and was liquefied, but the strawberries and a few of the others are still in like quarter inch chunks. I already told Sharon that I was going to be home early and dinner is waiting. Ugh. What to do? What to do? I guess I'll taste it and see if it will be acceptable. Well it tastes awesomely fruity. It's definitely way more berry than any of the other fruits that are involved and I for one applaud them for that. The chunks are actually kind of nice. It makes this stand out amongst other juices. It's a bit chalky because of the whey protein, but that's not my fault. You know what this is actually super awesome. I think Fruit 2 Day owes me a thank you for making their product awesome. I'm going to let this slide. Let me fill out the completion slip and Sharon here I come. Oh it actually says on here to only blend it 1/4 of the normal time. Apparently my laziness is the way things were supposed to be. No great reward for me.

I'm not a fan of V8 vegetable juice. I've tried it several times over the past 20 years and it never tasted good to me. When I saw this on the shelf at the co-op, that's what I instantly thought of. But then I remembered how delicious V8 Splash is. Plus, Alo has never failed us in the past so this couldn't be that bad, could it?

First, lets look at the list of fruits and vegetables that are in here:

• Broccoli


• Cabbage


• Celery


• Spinach


• Passion Fruit


• Carrot


• Grape


• Pineapple


• Lemon


• Apple


• Orange


• Strawberry

It's quite the assortment of fruits and veggies. Upon opening it, it smelled like soup, a vegetable or minestrone if you will. This both excited and scared me. Don't get me wrong, I love a good soup on a chilly autumn day, but I like to eat soup out of bowl with a spoon while it's still hot. I don't like cold soup (especially gazpacho).

So the question of the hour is, does it taste like soup? Indeed it does! It's like drinking a bottle of vegetable noodle soup, with the aloe chunks acting as the alphabet pasta. While it's not something I see myself drinking on a daily basis, it's actually not bad at all. If I was in the mood for soup on a hot day, I could totally see this being amazing. There's no distinct fruit or vegetable flavors to it. It's just a jumble of all the flavors. With the addition of the aloe, fruit, and cane sugar, it's slightly sweet but allows the flavors of the soup... I mean vegetable juice to stand out.

Yesterday we did this video review for Mamma Chia. That's right it has the same seeds in it that are in Chia Pets. With any luck I will grow a plant beard where my normal one is now.

It looks like it would be a pretty rough drink as there seem to be approximately 50 million seeds in each bottle, but they are covered in some sort of coating that makes them go down smooth. They actually give the impression of the drink being really frothy.

As far as flavor goes, it's pretty great. It has a very strong blackberry flavor. Actually the seeds kind of feel like someone systematically separated all of the "balls" from a berry.

About five years ago I was dating a girl who would later swindle me out of thousands of dollars and cheat on me, but before all that, we took a nice day trip to Toronto. We went to the mall where I think I bought her a dress/shirt thing that she loved at the time and when we got home, promptly didn't like. While we were leaving the mall, we stopped at a shoppe where they sold little things like newspaper, drinks, candy and that sort of thing. I was looking through the coolers of drinks, found one, purchased it, and took a walk out to my car where, I believe, I had a ticket on my car.

I didn't care. We had a pretty good day, got that dumb shirt/dress, got this sweet drink, and were headed home. I opened the drink, took a sip, and didn't know what was going on. It was my first aloe drink. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a clear, green bottle and with closer inspection, there were most defiantly chunks in it. I don't know the name of it, but I remember the taste and this can tastes just like it.

It's got an "original" aloe taste, which basically is like a green grape juice. It's not too sweet and the chunks are an average, but good size. They feel more natural than some of the aloe drinks I've had where they're giant but you almost question whether or not they are real, not that you care because face it, aloe drinks are fun. This can is just the right size for a single serving, too, and it was one dollar. For fun, Asian beverages, I will gladly spend $1.

Clearly you can guess that relation did not last. It went through every phase including denial, non-stop fighting, dislike, and the ever-popular "you don't make enough money to move out but we're broken up so I'm going to live with my girlfriend while I pay for this apartment" phase.

Dear TropiKing,
I found your aloe drink in a small Asian market near my house and was excited to try you. I love aloe and pomegranate so I thought this would be a winning combo. Man was I disappointed. For one, it barely tastes like pomegranate. Instead it tastes like a mediocre grape/apple juice. Secondly, the aloe chunks are way too small. As Jay said when I told him this, "go big or go home."

I really enjoyed the last Kato drink I had, so I've been waiting to try this flavor. I forgot this was a nata de coco drink, and not aloe like I first thought it was. I like nata de coco, but not as much as aloe. The chunks are harder, and chewier. In comparison, aloe is really squishy and needs no chewing at all.

The lychee flavor in this is nice, but not amazing. It's not too sweet which is nice seeing as I wanted a thirst quenching drink on this hot day. It had the consistency of a watery juice.

It's been awhile since I have delved into the world of unusual Asian beverages. I feel I'm about due to have some added texture in my drink. As a result I find myself sitting down with a good book and a can of grass jelly drink. Let me put my feet up, crack this can open, and begin our little adventure.

Before I even had the can completely open the smell of lychee was in the air. It's sweet, fragrant, and doesn't really smell like something you should consume. My first sip was all liquid, and all lychee. What is it about that fruit that makes it taste vaguely like perfume? I've had some lychee drinks in the past that I just couldn't finish, and I've also had a couple that I found to be quite pleasant. Luckily this can of Mone Lee Shang falls into the latter category. It definitely tastes like a perfume, but in an almost candy-like way. It's similar to those Violet candies that old ladies and Editor Dan love.

Before I took another sip i swirled the can around to mix up the grass jelly. That did the job. My second gulp was full of little gelatinous cubes. I know to a lot of people that would probably be disgusting, but I've grown to love a little texture in my drinks. They taste like a honey sweetened iced tea that was somehow made into Jello. If you pour this drink into a glass, so you can actually see the cubes it even looks like Jello that is the color of iced tea. The flavor of the grass jelly balanced out the lychee even more and made this drink truly enjoyable. I've read that grass jelly drinks are consumed in Asia as a way to beat the heat. It's pretty warm out there today, and I can concur that it helped me to fight the heat.

Gene you've done a great job here with this white grape juice. It has a great flavor and nice carbonation. Wait…€¦what? It's not carbonated? I guess it's just that good that my mind somehow imagined the bubbles. Let me take another sip. You're right it's not. Why on Earth did I think it was?

Now Gene this is great but as you know us here at Sangaria are trying to take the company in a “green” direction. You know, reduce our waste and all. We've been getting in a lot of trouble with the government as of late. Is there anything you can think of to help us out? Wait you want us to put the remainders of the grapes in the drink? That's just plain weird Gene. Who would want to drink that? Okay find I'll try it. This actually isn't too bad. My only complaint is that the grapes could be peeled. You have a machine that will do that? Where do you get those wonderful toys? This is going to be perfect. It's a wonderful tasting white grape juice with whole peeled grapes thrown in to make drinking fun again. Kids are going to have a hay day and you Gene are going to have an awesome compost pile with all of those grape peels. I told you we had to get rid of waste, so now you have to take them home. Enjoy.

Alo what have you done! Your mother and I leave you home alone for two hours, entrusting you with keeping the house safe and this is how you repay us? It looks like you filmed a Beastie Boys video in here! All we can say is how deeply disappointed we are in you. You've always been such a well-behaved beverage. Sure you hung out with the weird flavored nerdy kids every once and awhile, but overall you got good marks. Lately you've been getting mixed up with an unsavory crowd like that Johnny Coconut kid. I don't like the cut of his jib. Don't argue with me! I don't care if it's the only jib he's got! That kid is bad news. Just look what he's done to our home and more importantly our precious aloe juice! He's tainted it! It no longer tastes wonderful and sweet. It doesn't even taste like chalky coconut water. How on Earth did you two get all mixed together and end up tasting like some sort of cereal milk? Have you been drinking? Please tell me you're not on the pot! The fun has even been taken out of the chunks. I don't believe this. We're you supposed to be babysitting the neighbor's kids, Peach and Kiwi? Where have they gotten off to, because I sure don't taste them in here!

It's a well-known fact that all of us at Thirsty Dudes love aloe drinks. Personally, whenever I get a new aloe drink to review it usually gets bumped to the front of the queue. Is that wrong of me? Honestly, with all the soda and energy drinks I consume, it's nice to get a refreshing drink from time to time. Do you blame me?

As you can guess by the name, Aloe Water, this is a “thinner” aloe drink. It basically tastes like cherry flavored vitamin water with little aloe chunks in it. I usually prefer more chunks in an aloe drink, but it makes sense they might want to keep the chunk count down on this line. It's kind of weird to drink because I want to take big gulps due to the water-like consistency. After the first swallow my body gets scared because of the little aloe chunks rushing down my throat. I know it's next to impossible to choke on an aloe chunk, but my body doesn't know that. So I end up sipping it slower than I'd like to.

This would probably be good for someone who wants to try an aloe drink but doesn't want too many chunks. It's a beginner level aloe drink if you will. Just because I'm in the expert levels now, doesn't mean I can't enjoy this though.

I have a weird relationship with Coconut Water. I have nothing against him, but he's not my favorite. He always shows up in nice packaging and chilled, but usually leaves a sour (not literally) taste in my mouth. When I picked him up today, he was hanging out with my good friend Aloe Vera. Now I haven't known Aloe Vera as long as Coconut Water, but he's a good dude and he always brings a smile to my face.

When they showed up today together, I was excited to try them together. They had an interesting fragrance on, not bad but not mouth watering. They had "Goji Berry" and "Lychee" clothes on, two names I was familiar with and have liked in the past. Now I don't want to blame it all on him, but I wish Coconut Water wouldn't have come. He kinda ruined the party. Otherwise, I think it would have been a really fun and memorable experience. He just kept bumping into everyone else and making things a mess. It's too bad because I was really looking forward to this.

My boss' dad, Jake, asked me sarcastically if what I was drinking had chunks in it. At the time, I was drinking a tea and it did not. He then sarcastically said that he'd only drink drinks with chunks in it. Challenge accepted. Easy challenge, but accepted nonetheless.

So yesterday, I went through my back stock and found this little guy that Jay and I picked up at an Asian supermarket. "Blueberry Aloe?" I said, "I'll take it." After tasting it, I had to look at the ingredients. It has a really tart flavor to it and the ingredients explained everything. Grape juice. I would not be offended if they re-dubbed this "Blueberry Grape" because that's what this tastes like. It's good. I like it, but if you're going to put so much grape flavor in it, give poor grape some credit.

So I poured Jake some chunky, purple drink, handed it to him and he swirled it around a bit, like a fine glass of wine...with chunks in it, and he drank it. He had a few ounces, defiantly enough to build a valid opinion and his opinion? "I like it." Enough said? The man is an accomplished architect. I think that his opinion might count more than mine.