Sucrose - 113 Reviews

I'm Ron and I work at the Large Hadron Collider. Well, that should be the past tense actually. I USED to work there. Why don't I work there anymore you ask? Well I have that sweet and delicious Neutron Energy drink to blame.

You see, we weren't allowed to go out much. Long hours, 80+ hours a week. It was rough. Anyways, to keep us alert they put in an energy drink vending machine. Sure it had the standard Amp, Red Bull, Rockstar, etc... The bosses thought they were so clever when they found this Neutron Energy drink and put it in there. My favorite was the citrus. It has a really delicious orange taste to it, almost a tangerine if you will. I'm getting off topic, sorry.

So one day I'm checking the gauges to make sure everything is running smoothly. I was in the middle of a 16-hour shift so I started to doze a little while I was standing up. Olaf saw this and asked if I wanted an energy drink. After accepting his offer, he throws it to me from 30 feet away. Now on a good day, I can catch a fly ball in right field. Unfortunately this was not a good day due to my lack of sleep. My attempts to catch it only made its trajectory worse. Looking back, I should have just stepped out of the way. If I had done that, the can wouldn't have ended up in the air intake valve causing a 15-hour shut down.

I tried to blame Olaf, but the security video just shows me knocking a can into the multi-billion dollar machine. I'm actually lucky I only got fired. They probably could have sued me. You know what the best part is? The engineer who fixed it is a friend of mine gave me the can. It's pretty badly mangled, but I have it on my mantle now. It reminds me of a better time, a time when I wasn't bagging groceries at Safeway.

When I feel myself getting sick, like if I wake up with a sore throat, cough, or the like, I have two "Go-To" fixes. One is to buy a small carton of orange juice and slam it in one day, spinning my body into a scurvy-free, urinating ball of vitamin C. The other one, which I use less, is to drink Gatorade. Any flavor would have been better than this, though, because it's rank, and no, not like The Smith's record.

Oh this is lime, but it's got a certain...undesirable viscosity. It is from the carbo-loading qualities of the "02 Perform" line. If I were training for a marathon and wanted to skip on my eleventh spaghetti and potato meal of the day, I would slam this as fast as my gullet would approve because even then, I wouldn't want it. I guess as far as carb drinks go, this is pretty good as it actually tastes like lime and your mouth is already used to the thickness of it. For people like me who don't work out and just skip meals while blaming it on my kid taking up all my time but really it's because a Subway foot-long sub the way I like it is upwards of the worst thing one can eat, I just want a simple Gatorade. This loses the superior drinkability that I like about Gatorade. Taste-wise though; consider the mark missed.

I can safely say this is the first energy drink from Austria I've ever had. My friend Rita brought it back from her travels and gifted it to me. I could tell before I even opened it that it was going to be a Red Bull clone. Was I right? Of course! As far as Red Bull wannabe's, this one leans on the better side, but still not as good as Red Bull.

I expected more from you Austria.

Mark always thought that the life of a magician would be all glamour and no gutter. It had been his dream for as long as he could remember to wow crowds with his illusions. It was in his 47th year that his wife left him for the clown that had been the entertainment at their daughter's communion party. He had wondered if a clown would be appropriate for a day full of religion, but since he himself had no savior, he brushed it off. Turns out his wife had seen him at a coworker's son's birthday party and just wanted to rock the sheets with this white-faced wonder. After she left and he was alone, he knew it was time for a change. He left his medical practice and went to magic school. No not Hogwarts, that isn't even a real place. Don't you know the difference between fantasy and reality? He went to The Montana Institute of Magic and Illusion. He worked his butt off and graduated first in his class. He had nothing but positive thoughts about it all, that was until he was actually in the working world. There is very little glamour in being a magician these days. You worked long hours for unappreciative audiences, and the pay was next to nothing. Luckily he had a nice nest egg, so he decided to stick with it. It was after about six months of working 18 hour days that he was a broken man. His true love magic had worn him out to the point where he couldn't get through a show without downing a huge energy drink. Not only was this expensive, but he found that all of his special compartments in his props were getting filled up with cans for later on in the day. That is when he remembered his medical knowledge and he created Hijinks. It was essentially concentrated energy (namely taurine, caffeine, inositol, glucuronolactone, and l-carnitine). The only problem was that when he drank a little of it on its own it tasted absolutely horrible. It was like someone added a little bit of sweetener to weed killer. He then decided to package it in small bottles, and all he had to do was add it to whatever beverage was on hand. It became basically indistinguishable in whatever sweetened drink he added it to. When he had to resort to water, he could taste it slightly but it wasn't bad. He was elated. No longer did he have to worry about downing obscene amounts of sugar and chemicals. Well he still was ingesting the chemicals, but they somehow seemed safer.

He started giving it to other magicians and he became the belle of the magician's ball. Everyone knew his name and gave him thanks. He even made the cover of MAGIC Magazine for magician of the year. Sure his illusions were nothing special, but he had given the word of magic a way to make it through each and every day. That is why we are here today to unveil his statue in honor of the memory of Mark Jinks. As I'm sure you all know he sadly left this mortal coil when an illusion went horribly wrong and when he pretended to cut his assistant in half, he somehow cut himself in half. Always the one to see a trick through to its completion he continued sawing through the pain until his body was completely separated in two.

For some people, coffee is not enough. For some people, energy drinks are not enough. For the rest, you've got to combine caffeine with caffeine and hope for the best. I am no nutritionist, but I am a scientist and I would say that this could not be worse for you than anything else you could drink.

Ignoring all nutritional value, which in this case, if it weren't for the FDA demanding that legitimate numbers be printed on the back of all food, should just say "Bad." Oh sure, there is a ton of vitamin B in there, but who cares? I think my mom takes a B12 for memory. Her memory is fine, but she takes it. I think it's a girl thing, like how all girls have anemia, but probably don't, they just all think that they should because their mom's told them to take it.

One thing your mom or dad is not going to turn you on to is this. It's not bad, but if your parents care about you, they won't let you have this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're an adult and you can make your own decisions. You're such a rebel. Look, you're not sixteen anymore. Make up with your parents and see what they've been up to. No one cares that you don't get along with your daddy and it's unfortunate. Bury the hatchet about that thing that happened at Thanksgiving twelve years ago and get a steak with your friggin' dad.

It doesn't taste like an energy drink, but it also doesn't taste like coffee. It kind of tastes like a liquidy coffee iced cream. Perhaps with some diet action to it. Your mom wouldn't like it. Your daddy wouldn't like it. Your boss might like it, but your boss is always a bit juiced up.

Sure Gatorade replenishes your electrolytes and brings the sodium levels in your body up to par, but what about giving you a little energy for after the big game. You worked hard. You exhausted yourself for the love of the game and the adoration of the fans. Now you are exhausted and you don't even know how you're going to make it to the locker room without passing out. Lucky for you Hydrive has created a sports and energy drink combo. It's non-carbonated which makes it kind of strange. It tastes more like a lemon lime sports drink than an energy drink. Actually it tastes more like Powerade than Gatorade. That makes it lose points. Powerade is gross. What elementary school cafeterias do to pizza is what Powerade did to sports drinks. Not a scene you want to be involved in.

Oh yeah, watch out when you dump this over your coach's head after winning the big game. It is still an energy drink after all, and it will absorb into his skin and cause heart stoppage.

If Walter Matthau was still around, he would sue this company because people would be overusing the phrase "Bad News Bears" while describing this drink. It smells like every other energy drink you've had and if that is your cup of tea, fine. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the smell is deceiving. On first sip, it wasn't that bad. On subsequent sips, it got increasingly bitterer. I've had energy drinks before, but this, to me, tastes very bitter and overly generic. If I were you, I would get more sleep because morning breath tastes better than this drink. That will energize you and not leave you with the deep seeded feeling of regret.

I've got to get this off the docket immediately. Blueberries, although blue on the outside, are purple. If I had a handful of blueberries and threw them at Andrew WK's crisp white shirt, not only would I be a jerk, but his shirt would have purple on it, not blue. Why do I bring this up? Well friends, this Gatorade might be the most insincere color of all time. It's toxic blue. It's windshield/windscreen washer blue. To add insult to injury, pomegranates most certainly aren't blue. The color of this drink, to me, is unnecessary and brings me to another point; why do we need to color drinks anyhow? Color doesn't mean flavor. Plus, don't those dyes cost money? Save money and I'll drink clear drinks all day. I don't care about it. I will go as far to say that I don't need purple carrot to color my organic drinks. Let the cards fall as they may. If a drink is off white, I don't care. If a drink is brown, I don't care. I know it's a way to distinguish the different flavors and if I see a red drink, it's probably cherry or strawberry. You feel me, dogg?

Flavor is like any other Gatorade, which is surprising because this is low calories and I can't tell the difference. Kudos for that. I can't say that I taste really any distinguishable blueberry or pomegranate. Maybe, if I'm pushing it and Gatorade comes to my house and puts a gun to my head I would say that I might taste some blueberry. If Gatorade does come to my house, I hope they bring that purple "Rain" flavor because that is delicious.

Gatorade, why don't you come out with a clear line of sports drinks? You could market it like, "These colors don't run, but you do." or "We don't see color, we only see results." or the less popular "These drinks are color blind but they're help you train for the air force."

Hey guys we have a great juice here. In reality it was sweet enough on it's own, but Johnson really upped his game when he added sucrose to the mix to make it sweeter. I know this might sound crazy but what if we also added high fructose corn syrup into the mix? Sweet is good. The kids love sweet! Sure it takes away from the flavor a bit and it really is overly sweet with it in it, but it will cut down overhead because we can use more sweetener and less juice. Who cares if it makes an otherwise great juice a bit syrupy? It worked for Coke, so it can work for us!

Have you heard, Ghostbusters has gone "green." For years they were able to get around all of the E.P.A. laws because they were the only company in the game of keeping NYC's ghosts (I wonder if they were in the inspiration for the
Sonic Youth record) off the streets and in a containment unit where they belong. These days the laws have gotten stricter and they were forced to give in.

This one was Egon's brainchild. He teamed up with Gatorade and worked out a formula that would convert all of their leftover ectoplasm into a tropical tasting sports drink. He came up with the idea when he noticed that Louis Tully always got a second wind whenever he got "slimed." He's normally an accountant/lawyer and is not even close to being in good shape so dragging his proton pack around the city really put a drain on him. He would be dead on his feet and then without fail some ghost would slime him and within seconds he'd be up and running again. After a few quick tests Egon realized that ectoplasm was really 67% electrolytes. He isolated an isotope or two and before he knew it he had a tasty drink on his hands. The only downfall was that it remained a toxic looking green. Let's face it though a lot of the Gatorade flavors are fairly neon in color.

Egon, who is ever the health nut, sweetened the newly transformed ectoplasm with sucralose to try and keep the overweight citizens of New York in check. Gatorade put up a stink, claiming that it tasted too diet, so he ended up adding some sucrose to it as well. The result is a light fruit punch tasting drink that only has the faintest tinge of a diet flavor too it. Now hopefully the public won't freak out when they realize they are essentially drinking ghost poop.

Slime? No. Not quite. Puree? No. Slime? Maybe now that I've ruled out puree. Oh, hello. I didn't see you standing there with that dumb hat on and creepy mustache. What am I doing? Trying to find the right way to describe the viscosity of this drink. It's thicker than a standard, run-of-the-mill liquid. It's meant for carb'n you up before a session of bulkin' out. Bulkin' out. I like that. This is not as sweet as you might expect. Flavor-wise, it's not terrible. It's a bit like a syrupy melted orange Freezepop. It doesn't have that gritty, protein taste. No, it's not a protein drink, but you know how those supplement drinks can be.

I know that some people go to work out and then come home and slam their weight in spaghetti to carb-o-load. Well now you can carb-o-load and think of Florida. Better? I thought so. Good luck in your endeavors as a rapist or child pornographer. That mustache is going to get you arrested within four hours. I guarantee it.

You know when you have weird connections to things and no matter how hard you try to disassociate them? I have one with Rockstar energy drinks. Anytime I see one of their cans, "Rock Superstar" by Cypress Hill pops into my head. Not just a quirky "oh remember the 6 months that song was played everywhere?" type of thing. Nope, it starts playing in my head starting with the chorus. I can honestly say it's been over 7 years since I have heard that song. My brain is an iron trap for music and in cases like this, I hate it so much!

So when I grabbed this can from the gas station, the song started playing in my head as per usual. Luckily, "Till the World Ends" by Britney Spears was playing inside the store and I was able to drown out Cypress Hill. (Yes, I like catchy dance pop like Britney Spears, so what?). Upon opening it I remembered the other reason I don't like Rockstar energy drinks: they are gross. This is just generic citrus flavor with a really strong energy drink taste. I've lucked out and haven't had many gross energy drinks lately so I forgot how bad that energy drink taste can be. After a few sips, I could feel my throat swelling up a little. It's as if my throat is talking to my tongue and wants me to stop drinking it. Gladly!

Nothing says fitness like chocolate fudge. You know that you like to work on your abs for about forty minutes and then head on down to the local chocolatier and ask for a pound of fudge to make everything go to its intended place. I read in a book once that if you do squats in the gym and then eat a quarter pound of rocky road fudge, it does more than eating one dozen chickens. Whole chickens. Feathers, feet, and all. Just a quarter pound of it. Scientists don't agree because they think that a couple hundred scientific tests prove otherwise.

Myoplex, a group of half scientists, half chocolate enthusiasts, half R.C. enthusiasts, have fix this age old question by making a protein drink that tastes like chocolate fudge. Sure, it's a little chalky and tastes diet, but it tastes like diet, chalky, chocolate fudge. You're on a diet. You're working out like crazy. All you've eaten the last few months have been bean sprouts and broccoli and now, for an unlimited time, you can finally re-taste the smooth, elegant taste of chocolate without any of the hassle of guilt.

Remember Tommy Lee Jones in Batman? Two Face. This drink is not so much villain as much as it is just two faced. It's half good and half less good. Initially it tastes like a diet Capri Sun or Sunny D. It's got a somewhat gritty, "Hey they put powdered vitamins in here!" taste to it. Then it tastes like Tang. I like Tang. I love quality drinks but part of me loves Tang and ain't nothing wrong with that. Oh, you've got something against Tang? You think because you're an adult you can't like Tang anymore? You would be wrong, good sir.

What is this? A review for Tang? Nope. Not anymore. This drink is like a Gatling gun in your favorite video game with a Gatling gun. Here's how they work. You've got to get it up to speed before the bullets start flying and once it's going, momentum keep it going to when you're done shooting dudes, it's still spinning and you can shoot quickly until it slows down. This drink is like that. You have to drink through the roughness but once you get past it, you can keep sipping and it's good. Once you stop for a minute, you know, so that you're not drinking anymore, you have to re-work yourself back up.

You just rocked the pants off of Buffalo, NY. After playing in front of 30 people in the basement of 99 Custer, no one can dispute that you are now truly a rock star. All of the fame and riches are now yours for the taking. Now if only there was a drink out there marketed just for you that could bring your energy level back up to the top. Look no further my shredding friend because there is in fact an energy drink just for you and it's called Rockstar.

Like most "classic" energy drinks this tastes like liquefied candy. They all have their specific candy and this one falls under the category of Pixie Stix. That's right you too can have a drink that tastes like a bunch of chemicals that has 80 little paper straws of sugar dumped into it, and you don't have to worry about the fizz over. I always say that energy drinks taste like chemicals and they do, but after you have one or two, you develop a taste for them, which is very strange. Oh well, you better pack up your gear, tomorrow you're off to Lakewood, OH to play the Soggy Dog House!

In my opinion, which is an opinion of a self-appointed, semi-professional drink reviewer, I have been on the fence about Body Armor. I know what they're doing and I know what they're going for, but something in their mix hasn't played well with my palate. They've got a real "health food" approach to juice. "It can be good and good for you" and all that jazz. I appreciate that, I really do.

As I have said on multiple occasions, acai is pretty gross. It is pretty bitter and always leaves a bad aftertaste. All the time, every time. I have liked it in some cases, but there is no in between. It's either really prominently bitey or not too bad and I'm impressed and think, "Hey, maybe I do like acai." but then I get a drink like this that has it in it and I hate it again.

Since I'm playing with fake ratios and percentages like a science teacher who accidentally made his way into an algebra class but stayed there because the superintendent was in the class sitting in and he didn't want to look like a total loser, I will continue on my way. This drink is 75% good. First sip, to swish, it's good. Real nice drinkability. You get some pomegranate in there, you like it. You get some other stuff in there, whatever that is, and you like that, too. Then you swallow because you can't just drink and drink and drink and not breathe. Do you think that Body Armor wants that on their hide? Nope-ahh. Suffocation? No. They don't. I will skip right on past their PR manager on that one and answer for the company with no need for their clearance. Then, when it's done and you've swallowed, thar she blows. Acai. Crap factory.

As a whole, this is a good drink. One rotten fruit will not hold me, or this company down. I would like to let the world know, that because a fruit is labeled as a "superfruit" does not mean you need to use it in everything. You know what's delicious? Cantaloupe. Use that in more drinks.

I had no idea this was 10% coconut water before I opened it. Judging by the taste, you'd think they'd want to put that in the flavor name. It has a strawberry-coconut-guava taste that is really good! I don't usually enjoy banana juices, but I was looking forward to trying this due to the banana. I was hoping it was going to be delicious and make me like banana drinks. Sadly, this was not the case because I didn't taste any banana in it. Replace the banana with coconut in the name and it would more accurately describe this flavor.

I have been tired. I don't know what it is. Something, probably a twenty-five mile bike ride with Jay where we talked about Take The Money And Run and how we would manage to win it, exhausted me. Jay was talking about rope apparatuses and old buildings, bike trips, calling people who would call people, strange drop off points, and more. I think that most of the ideas that he had couldn't be done in an hour or couldn't be done with the rules and restrictions of the game itself. We didn't get back until later and when I got home, I had to feed my son, and then I was wicked tired. I haven't caught up since then.

To combat my tiredness, I decided that an energy drink is a good idea. I have had this one on my shelf for a bit and thought that it was mint, and it isn't but thought that it was and decided to fridge it up and then drink it. I tiredly worked on the yard with some mowing here, and some weeding there, and some trimming here, and some raking there just so that I could further earn my need for an energy boost. I cracked that bad boy open, took a sip, and was promptly disappointed.

At first sip, and more so first after aftertaste, it tastes a little, but enough, how I remember beer tasting. I don't know if the top secret, proprietary blend of ingredients teamed up and decided that they were going to take the shape of a beer, like some sort of alcoholic Voltron, but they did. There was a bit of that "energy drink" taste, but it was pretty stomachable. Sweet, light beer. That's what I'll call this taste.

Although I have liked other Go Fast drinks, this one was not for me. Hybrid flavor? Not for me.

Since our newfound appreciation for coconut water (thanks to Zico), I was excited to try this. It's weird that it's sweetened with stevia but not an diet drink. Seeing that I'm not a huge fan of fake sugar, I wasn't looking forward to that part of this energy drink.

To my surprise, this is pretty good! The coconut gives it a really creamy taste. There's a little bit of the fake sugar and energy mixture in the aftertaste, but really not that bad. The mighty coconut flavor over powers most of the gross flavor, which is great news to me! I wish I could find more coconut flavored energy drinks. I think one sweetened with real sugar would probably be incredible.

Sitting here all day...working...but waiting...waiting all of the day. Waiting for what? Waiting for a new computer for my work. I'm anxious because it's always fun to get a new computer. Setting up everything the way you want it and removing everything you don't is what's fun. I love it. A nice, speedy new machine is fantastic. Now it's twenty to four and FedEx still hasn't gotten here even though they said they were going to be here. They'd better not be a pile of liars or I'm going to be really upset.

As I wait, this last hour I have been milking this Body Armor drink. It's not bad at all. It's got a sincere citrus flavor. I would say more orange than mango and I couldn't really taste any tea in it but since it's so many (four) flavors, they all kind of blend together. I mean that in a good way, like when you've got V8 and you're like, "There is no way that all of these vegetables taste good at the same time blended up like this." Boy, are you proven wrong every single time.

So it's been ten minutes and the computer isn't here and now I'm out of this drink. Not my day.