Derek Neuland - 489 Reviews

Dear Trader Joe,
You don't know me but I've been a shopper at your grocery store for a few years now. I will admit I am not loyal to your establishment, but I do shop there as much as I am able to. I especially enjoy your veggie chips and hummus. It's easily my favorite hummus ever.

I haven't had the best of luck with your beverages in the past. Your so-called "vintage" sodas were quite bad if I may say so. I must say that I was a little skeptical of this limeade when I picked it up. I hate to judge a drink by it's bottle, but this screamed, "watered down artificial flavors" when I saw it. I was pleasantly surprised to find only 4 ingredients in the bottle: water, sugar, limejuice, and lemon juice.

I don't know whom you traded to get this, but you made a good trade. This is easily one of the best limeades I have ever tasted. It's very quenching, but also has a great tartness to it. I wish it was sourer, but that's only because I am still searching for that drink that is so sour that it hurts.

Good job Joe! You're good at trading.

Sincerely,
Derek

The rainy season is slowly fading away here in Portland and the sun is starting to show its face. What this means for me is more porch hangouts. Hanging out on the porch with friends and a tasty drink is how I love to spend nice days. This is a great drink for that. At first I was disappointed that the ginger (yes, they use REAL ginger) wasn't burn your mouth strong. But then half way through the bottle I noticed my lips were tingling. It's one of those subtle ginger burns that you don't notice right away. If this didn't have the ginger in it, it would be a pretty boring and weak iced tea. The ginger is what makes it delicious.

The world of vitamin waters is pretty murky. While there are some really good ones, there are also a lot of bad knock offs. Whole Foods usually knows what's what when it comes to drinks so I figured this one would be a safe bet. What surprised me though was how tart is. Most "lemonade flavored" drinks aren't tart at all. They throw a little lemon flavor in there but don't make your lips pucker at all. This is the closest lemonade flavor vitamin water I've ever had, and I love it. It's a delicious light, flavorful, and thirst quenching lemonade.

Ever since I moved back to Portland, it has been cold. Sure we've had a few days where it hit 55-60 degrees, but for the most part it has been chilly. Since it has been feeling like fall, I've had a craving for apple cider. In Buffalo, it's hard to find cider when in the winter or spring. Luckily, I stumbled upon this bottle of Columbia Gorge. Oh Columbia Gorge, how I missed you. This is my favorite juice company in the Pacific North West and they rarely let me down.

On the other hand, I'm really picky when it comes to apple cider. I've never had cider as good as the stuff made in central and western New York. That is, until now. This cider is fantastic, and reminds of a lot of my favorite ciders back home. It has the perfect tart taste, with lots of flavor too. I thought I had to give up pure apple cider when I decided to move back to Portland, but I'm glad to find out that I was wrong.

Someone recently pointed out that we hadn't reviewed this. I was pretty shocked to hear this because Ruby Red Squirt is one of my "go-to" sodas and I could have sworn I had already reviewed it. It must have somehow slipped through the cracks, as some of the “mainstream” drinks tend to do as we search the earth for strange and unusual things to try.

Ruby Red Squirt is my favorite "mainstream" grapefruit soda. It has a good sour taste to it, but not so much that it's lip puckering. Also the "ruby red" is a slight berry taste, which is nice. This also has caffeine in it, which is unusual for an "un-cola". I also don't even mind that this has high fructose corn syrup. I'm sure it would be better with cane sugar, but I don't mind too much.

Full disclosure: I am sick. It's been over a year since I've been sick so it's not that upsetting. I have a horrible cough and my nose is like a faucet. I woke up today feeling slightly better so I thought I'd come to the coffee shop to get some work done. I didn't think drinking coffee while being sick was the best idea, so for some stupid reason I thought an energy drink would be better.

In the past I have hated every Rockstar energy drink I've tried. Maybe it's because my nose is so stuffed that I can't smell a thing and it's throwing my taste buds off, but I actually don't mind this one. It has a less sweet Red Bull/melted candy taste. I'm not sure if this is the best thing for my body right now, but it definitely woke me up enough to realize that I'm still too sick to work.

This is a first for Thirsty Dudes. No, we've reviewed Jones soda before. What do you think we are, amateurs? We have reviewed orange cream, strawberry cream, lemon cream, vanilla cream, cherry cream, almond cream, blue cream, red cream, and the traditional cream soda. Until now, we have not reviewed a pineapple cream soda. I didn't even know such a soda existed until I stumbled upon this at my local corner store.

Even though this is a unique soda, it tastes just like it seems it would: A good mix between a cream soda and pina colada. If this was sweetened with HFCS, I probably wouldn't like it as much. The cane sugar makes it much lighter, and thus much more enjoyable.

Ginseng and I have not gotten along well in the past. My least favorite drink of all time involved ginseng. But in the name of Thirsty Dudes and root beer, I had to try this. The gold shimmer on the can made me think this was going to be a classy root beer.

Verdict? It's not really classy, but it's pretty good. It is indeed a creamy root beer, but the ginseng gives it a nice bite at the end. It also gives it a slight bitterness, but not in a bad way. The more I drink it, I realize that this is one of the better root beers I've had in a while. I hope I can find more Blue Sky sodas with ginseng in it.

I am about to embark on an epic journey across the entire country. After 10 months living in Buffalo, I've decided to pack up and move back to Portland, OR. I would like to say it's because of the crappy season the Bills had, or that I need to take one for the team and review all the Hot Lips soda flavors and the only way to do that would be to move back out west. In reality, I just miss Portland. Plus my best friend (the one who helped name this very website you are reading) lives there and I miss her dearly.

I decided to review this soda as my last drink in Buffalo. I love all three ingredients and after the stellar reviews we've been giving Joia, I was pretty sure this was going to be a homerun. The pineapple/coconut mixture is the most prominent, but sadly the nutmeg is nowhere to be found. I would have settled for a subtle nutmeg aftertaste, but it is literally on the back of a milk carton. Just like the last Joia soda I had, the last ingredient was the one I was most excited for. But both times, I was let down.

32 oz of the worst energy drink ever. Instead of being on the 'cutting edge' of huge cans, they should work on making one that a normal human can enjoy. I'm so disgusted at this drink that I'm not even going to give it the courtesy of an amusing story.

We need to come up with a new drink that the kids will love. Energy drinks seem to be all the rage lately, so lets make one of those. We need a good tag line too. Awesome energy? Nah. Radical energy? Nope, too 90's. I know, Extreme Energy! Kids these days love extreme sports so they have to love extreme energy. Now what flavors do we have to choose from? All we have is that gross raspberry one? Crap, even my dog doesn't like that. Hmmm, we'll have to think of a good nickname for the flavor so maybe they won't realize how bad it is. I know! Enraged Raspberry. And let's throw some Blue #1 in there to make it a cool blue color. Hmm, you're right that does kind of make it look like carbonated windshield washer fluid. Oh well, they won't notice because it will be in a can. Consumers are ignorant sheep anyways, we tell them what to buy and they do it. We could probably get away with selling actual windshield washer fluid as a drink just by labeling it "the most extreme drink you've ever tasted."

When I got this pouch, I figured it was an all in one drink mix so I filled up my water bottle, poured this in, and mixed it around a little. Then I took a sip and couldn't believe how bad it tasted. It didn't taste like much, but it tasted like bad water. Then it hit me: you're supposed to add this to an already flavored drink. I'm an idiot.

So basically, this is to give your drink a kick of energy (hence the name of the company). Speaking of the name of this company, they might want to consider changing it since people might mispronounce it as a racial slur.

This is a weird sub-section of drinks, because it's impossible to fairly judge it on it's taste because it's not meant to be consumed on it's own. As far as function goes, it's great! I was feeling sleepy and now I'm totally awake after drinking half of it.

I've been craving candy lately. Sweet Tarts, Twizzlers, and Spree are usually my go-to candy. The problem is that the corner store by my house has all their candy behind the counter due to hooligans stealing it. I'm pretty comfortable with watching cartoons and drinking an obscene amount of soda at the age of 30, but for some reason I can't bring myself to ask the man behind the counter for a bag of Skittles.

But that's okay because thanks to energy drinks, I get my candy fix every once in a while because 99% of them are melted candy in a can. This one is Sweet Tarts, and it's great! It's got a bit of a gnarly diet aftertaste, but it's not as bad as most diet energy drinks.

In less than 2 weeks, I will no longer be living in Buffalo. I am returning to where this website was started, Portland, OR. While I won't miss the snow or the bitter cold winter here, I will miss Wegmans. I've been to grocery stores all across the country, and none have ever compared to Wegmans. Trust me, it's a great store.

What's not so great is this diet cola they make. It has the patented battery acid taste that comes with most diet drinks. It's a cheap soda and it shows in its taste. Wegmans is amazing, but I think it's a natural law that it can't be awesome at everything or else the world might explode.

Are you diabetic and tired of diet sodas that taste like mouthwash? Are you sick of giving your hard earned money to multi-billion dollar corporations like Pepsi or Coca-Cola? Do you want an alternative? Well here it is! Johnnie Ryan Diet Cola! Developed and bottled in Niagara Falls, NY (yes, THAT Niagara Falls), Johnnie Ryan is a local staple of Western New York. While they still use sucralose as their dietary sweetener, they managed to make it not taste like battery acid like so many other diet colas do. The minimal bite means that even your grandma will be able to enjoy this pop. Now don't just sit there, get up and go buy a bottle from your local corner store!*

*This drink may not be available at all local corner stores. Check with the proprietor of the establishment to see if they have it in stock. No purchase necessary, void where prohibited.

This is another old soda that the good folks at Orca Beverage Soda Works had the right mind to bring back from the grave. Apparently Jersey-Creme was originally available as flavored concentrate used to make cream flavored products in the early 1900's. This magical concentrate was so good it was turned into a cream flavored beverage that had the slogan "The Perfect Drink".

Calling yourself the perfect drink is a bold and dangerous statement. It almost makes people have more scrutiny over you. This is a good cream soda, but I would never say it was perfect. In a weird way, I think it's too creamy. I like it when cream soda has a little bite to it, a little edge. This is just smooth sailing all the way down. Maybe I'm the weirdo that thinks cream soda shouldn't be extra creamy. All this talk about 'cream' is starting to gross me out a little.

I never thought I would ever find a red cream soda better than Crush Soda Mousse. Avid readers of Thirsty Dudes are probably sick of me talking about my love for the delicious cream soda from Canada, but I don't care. It's damn good! But sadly, it's throne as the best red/pink cream soda has been taken over by this wonderful soda I have in my hand.

This soda is a tad heavier, due to the corn syrup used. Even with that handicap, the taste on this is much better. It's creamier and smoother than other red/pink cream soda's I have had. The cherry taste is also much more prominent. I know Barq's is most well known for their root beer, but both of the cream soda's that I've had by them have been incredible. My advice to Barq's: use the wide distribution network that you use for your root beer line and get these cream soda's in stores all around the country. People will buy them. I know I will.

I've never had cherry cola before. Okay, that's a bold face lie. What I'm trying to say is that after drinking this cherry cola, I now realize that I have never had REAL cherry cola.

Drinking this soda is like bowling. No, you're not required to wear a pair of weird rental shoes from the 70's when you drink this. Nor does it smell like your uncle. Upon first sipping it, you get this delicious full cherry taste that goes down really smooth. This is just like the smooth roll you get when your bowling ball goes down the lane. It has a nice calming sound, and it seems to last forever. But then just as you start to really enjoy it, the ball crashes into the pins. That is when the cola taste hits you. It's a sharp and deep cola bite that I don't know if I've ever experienced before.

I'm looking for things to be critical of, but I can't find any. This is hands down the best cherry cola I have every consumed.

It was weird drinking this in my house because it felt out of place. This soda screams "Grandma's fridge" or "sketchy gas station/corner store in the middle of Pennsylvania". It looks generic and (surprise surprise) tastes generic. Editor Dan brought this back to us from his travels, and I'm very appreciative because now I know that this definitely is NOT "a treat" (sorry, I had to). I've had worse, but I could throw a bottle cap and find a better root beer than this.

High school life for Alex and Ryan was rough, especially after Ryan's girlfriend got kidnapped. Ryan told Cyndi time and time again not to mess with Slick, but she wouldn't listen. They knew they couldn't let him get away with it, so they grabbed some lead pipes and took to the streets of River City.

They came across a lot of nasty gangs along the way. The Generic Dudes were more annoying than troublesome. The Frat Guys were as dumb as they looked. But it was The Squids that really gave them trouble. Throwing wooden crates at them just wouldn't work, so they had to bust out their Acro Circus skills. That showed The Squids who was the boss.

After that, they really needed to relax with a sauna and a nice bottle of root beer. Unfortunately you couldn't find any root beer in River City if your life depended on it, but at least we now know what it would have tasted like. It's really sweet and smooth, with a slight bit and a whole lot of flavor to it. Not special flavor, just your classic root beer flavor. It's too bad they didn't have this because it would have definitely helped them.