Dear diary,
Today was a heck of a day. We wanted to go to Lake Victoria but it was closed due to some awful occurrence that no one wanted to talk about. We decided to all go to "Big Wet" which is a new waterpark that has an adult pool where everyone is naked. Now I'm confident about my body but I'm no dummy. I know that it's going to be filled with nude old people. Also, we saw in the town paper that David Hasselhoff was going to be there for the grand opening. We stopped at the grocery store the night before to get some drinks and suntan lotion and went to bed so we could wake up early and beat the rush the next day.

We got there bright and early and there were a few dozen people there already. We eventually got in and it was alright. It really didn't feel like anything special. Two pools probably run by some seedy dude who wanted people to pay to think they were going to see hot girls nude. The water was nice and everyone has having a nice time. Oh, and Mr. Hasselhoff did show up and for his age, looked pretty good. I've got to admit.

All of a sudden, people started screaming. I couldn't see what was going on so I got out of the pool and started going over to where people were yelling. In the adult pool there was blood everywhere. It was like nothing I had ever seen. Someone mentioned something about piranhas but I didn't think that was true at all even though it did seem like twenty people were running around with blood on them. We didn't want to stick around so we left.

All the sun and excitement wore us out so we went back to the hotel. I bought some organic energy drink that was actually really good. It was fruity and sweet and didn't taste like an energy drink. It was tart and on the way better side of other energy drinks. Also, the can had a nice hand to it, like it was painted with some sort of flat paint. Normally I wouldn't care so much about a can, but the effort was put in to it and I felt the need to mention it.

We turned on the TV and saw that it actually was piranhas and a ton of people died. I can't be right all the time, I guess. That's terrible for those people but I'm glad we got out of there when we did. We promptly turned off the TV because it was bumming us out and went to Applebee's. I hope David Hasselhoff was alright. I think my mom would be devastated if anything ever happened to him.

Hotlips does it again. They have managed to make a delicious fruit soda that isn't sweetened with any sugar. I had to look at the ingredients three times just to be sure. And you know what? It tastes great. I'm not one to eat a pear normally, but this is delicious. It's really juicy and flavorful.

My only complaint (and this goes for all Hotlips sodas) is it's only lightly carbonated. I like my soda to be moderately fizzy, but you barely notice it here.

I have a couple of questions for you. How many of you would drive an hour and a half for a couple of veggie dogs from a street vender? How many of you would drive an hour + to get burritos? I have done the prior more times than I am proud of, and I did the latter for the first time yesterday. I'd say it was worth it. My burrito was delicious and huge and it put me in a food coma for a couple of hours. To make myself feel better about the trip I stopped by a deli/market and bought a couple of drinks.

I was very excited to see a new flavor of Argo, especially in Western New York, where there are no Whole Foods. Even though I had negative room in my stomach (I believe it was stretched as much as humanly possible from the gigantic burrito I had just ingested) it was over 95 degrees out and I was parched. I cracked this bottle open and took a sip. It definitely tasted different than I expected. I decided that I liked it though. A couple of minutes later I tried it again and decided I was mistaken the first time around. I sealed up the bottle for later consumption.

I think I've been wrong about hibiscus all these years. I had one drink with it that I really loved, and I'm now thinking that it was something else in that drink that grabbed on to my heart and shook the hell out of it. I don't dislike hibiscus, but every time I drink something with it in it now, I miss the spices from the original tea. Also, upon drinking this I am reminded that I am not a big sangria fan. I think it's the orange juice mixed in with the berries and apples that throws me off. If you mix that all together, it doesn't meet the delicious expectations that lived in my head (my fault not the drinks).

I've gone back to the drink, and I like it more than I did on the car ride home, because I've accepted that it's not what I thought it was going to be. In reality it tastes exactly how hibiscus and non-alcoholic sangria really taste (elderberries, apples, rosehip shells, strawberries, kiwi, raspberries and orange juice), and not how I wish they tasted.

My brother has a friend that is in the armed forces. I don't know what branch, sorry. I guess he goes out for weekends and get these and sometimes gives them to my brother. I was at my parent's house and she offered it to me and told me to give it a try. Looking at this bag of government drink mix, I didn't know what to expect other than bland. Honestly, I didn't know they had such gourmet flavors up their sleeves. I figured it was a lot of dehydrated ice cream and dehydrated Salisbury steak. Everything in the military is dehydrated. I've been to the Army/Navy surplus store. I know what I'm talking about.

I followed the directions to a "T." Six ounces of water, place in bag, shake, and drink. Like I said, I didn't know what to expect so I wanted this to be as ideal as possible. I poured it back out and it came out looking like chocolate milk. Ideal. I took a sip and was pleased. It tasted like chocolate milk and I guess there could have been hazelnut in there. The only reference I have for chocolate and hazelnut is Nutella, which I love.

We do this website for people who want to try new drinks. I guess that if you're in the military, you can't really be picky so here's what I'm saying. If you have been drinking the chocolate milk day in and day out, you are safe with this one. You've done well, government. You treat our troops better than I thought.

I don't mean to bring up old stuff, but the South lost again. The battle of sweet tea is a battle filled with casualties and here is yet another poor soul that just can't make the cut.

Is it too much to ask that the simplest concoction ever created be made right? Black tea and sugar. Done. If you need to put preservatives in there in increase shelf life, I'm cool with that. Once you start mixing all sorts of other garbage in there it starts to go downhill. Corn syrup will never be an ingredient in a good quality sweet tea. This drink tastes like if you ordered a tea at a restaurant, didn't know that it was unsweetened, and then poured miscellaneous sugar packets into it. One of the final ingredients in this is sucralose and you would think that you would not be able to tell but you can. You know that strange aftertaste? That's the sucralose, detective.

Arizona and Admiral. You know better than that. Why let me, a self-described stupid idiot, teach you how to make a drink? You are drink companies and should know the lay of the land. I'll give you this one for free.

This little guy has been staring me in the eye every time I open my cupboard for about a year now. It's like he's just been daring me to taste his awfulness. I don't even remember where he came from, Mike probably…€¦the bastard. I'd like to imagine that he was summoned forth like some sort of drink demon to ruin my day. You may say, “Hey it's just soda pop in a cute little bottle.” If you utter those words to me I will tell you that A. Cream soda should not be green. B. No soda should be green. It just means that added food coloring to make it wacky. C. Soda that comes in such a small container can be nothing but overly sweetened to the point where It will instantly erode your teeth and give you a terrible stomach ache.

I'm sick of looking at this. I'm sick of being afraid. Today I face my fears and try the dreaded “Chubby” (phrasing).

Oh my god it may be worse than expected. I opened up the bottle and it smelled like a nice pleasant cream soda. I thought to myself, “Hey maybe this actually won't be so bad. Maybe you've just been paranoid.” Then I took a sip and realized the demon had tricked me into taking a large gulp of his poison. It tastes solely like sweetener, with the faintest, faintest hint of vanilla. It has sugar and/or glucose fructose plus sucralose. You can taste it all battling out inside of your mouth, and no matter who the victor is it will not be your taste buds. Damn you Chubby!

“Expect the best. Accept the worst” When Blake Schwarzenbach wrote those lyrics I can only assume he wasn't talking about this soda, but it's fitting. In my world there are few sodas that sound better than a ginger drink that is sweetened with honey. I was thinking a honey flavored ginger beer, and I was hoping for one heck of a burn to it. As it turns out this isn't a ginger beer at all. In fact it doesn't taste like any soda that I've ever had before. That could be a good thing, except that it tastes exactly like honey cough drops; Ludens to be more specific. There is a ginger flavor, but the honey overpowers it and the combo, with a little coriander mixed in gives it a definite cough drop taste. Did you know that coriander is cilantro? That kind of blows my mind.

At first I didn't like this at all really. I was turned off thinking that I was drinking cough drops. I kept sipping on the bottle though, and now that I'm done, I have to say that I don't hate it. It's not something that I would want all of the time, but I think the more you drink it, the more acclimated you become and the more you enjoy it.

Our friends Dave and Gabby brought this back from a trip to Maine. Many thanks to them. After finishing this off, I'm very interested in trying Green Bee's other flavors.

A few years ago Snapple switched over to their “All Natural” line. I was completely stoked because it wasn't that long before then that I discovered that HFCS played a key role in causing the hell that went on in my stomach every night. I probably ingested far more bottles of the new teas than any one human should. It wasn't too much later that I started to see these cans pop up in gas stations. They were about half the price of the glass bottles, so I was understandably interested in them. I quickly realized that while the glass bottles were sweetened with cane sugar, the cans still used HFCS. I never understood why that was. I can't imagine that cane sugar is that much more expensive, since a bunch of other companies use it and keep their prices low. Perhaps some people (I'm looking at the folks from the UK) actually preferred the HFCS version and complained. I will never understand that.

This flavor is what companies want you to think that green tea tastes like. In reality it is reminiscent of green tea you would brew at home in only the most distant of ways. There is so much “sugar” in this that it tastes more sweet than anything. It tastes less like green tea than the Arizona tall boys do. If you're just in the market for an inexpensive sugary drink, perhaps you'll like this. If you're actually a fan of green tea I would probably skip over this one and grab one of the Snapple All Natural teas instead.

Ah, Gamer Soda, we meet again! In the past you have disappointed me with your bland flavor and lack of caffeine, but I'm willing to give you another try. I do still like that it doesn't have food coloring in it. I appreciate clear sodas that aren't lemon-lime or cream soda.

Now onto the flavor. It's good, but not great. This is definitely one of the better cherry soda's I've had, but it's nothing to write home about. It's crisp and flavorful, and most people would think this is a decent soda. I haven't played video games in a while (Mike will probably scoff at me for that), but I suppose this would be a good soda to drink while playing games if we want to get into that discussion. It's much better than any normal fruit sodas you can find at your local grocery store in 99 cent 2 liters.

My dad won a cruise and he gave it to my ladyfriend and I. I'm guessing there is some catch with this thing, but so far all I've found is that you have to pay the tax, which is about $150 per person. Also, we have to find our way to a port, which not shockingly is going to be the most expensive part. Here I sit looking into it, daydreaming about tropical locations and I decided to pretend I was a kid and drink a Capri Sun. They market these big boys as being for adults, but we all know they are for kids. I'm sitting here sucking on a chilidog, err I mean a Maui Cooler. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a tropical fruit punch, but the main fruits in it are apple, grape and orange (I guess you could consider that tropical if you really wanted to). The only other juice in it is pineapple, which I would expect in a Maui Cooler, but it's not very present in the flavor. It tastes like a juice box, because that is what it is. It just tastes like a higher quality generic fruit juice. No flavors really stick out. I'm okay with it. It's not my favorite, but I'm sure kids would be stoked to get these in their lunch boxes.

Now, to cruise, or not to cruise?

I will never forget the first time I had this tea. I was in a band and we were recording our first record. The studio was at the dude's house and he had a roommate. In between us recording parts, we would hang out around his house. His roommate had a tea in the fridge that he just made which was hot brewing a pot of tea and then pouring it over ice and throwing it into the fridge. He offered me a glass and since I have been one to turn down new drinks. I took one sip and I was in love. From that point on, which was 2005, I have had this in stock at my house. I don't like to not have it because I like to have it when I want it. I buy it myself so I don't consider it being spoiled.

How do describe this. First of all, it's a cleaner licorice than you would expect. If you are thinking this is like drinking a tea that had a handful of black licorice Twizzlers, you could not be more incorrect. It's a light licorice with a little bit of cinnamon and a secret cooling flavor that is awesome. This tea is great at any temperature. I made a hot cup of tea earlier, drank some, went to lunch, and then came back and drank cold tea. Just as good. Over ice? Just as good. Hot as the sun? Just as good. Also, you can make multiple cups with one bag. This tea cannot lose.

I don't drink coffee. I feel like I could make it in England because I drink a lot of tea. I would also drink a Brit's amount of tea if this were the tea that I had to drink. Can I do that? Dear "the public." Can you send me to England to see if I can keep up with the amount of tea the UK drinks while only drinking this Egyptian Licorice tea? I hope the answer is "yes." Love, Mike Literman.

Two things: A. Why did they add sucralose to this when there are both sugar and crystalline fructose up near the top? B. Why does Fuze feel the need to add skim milk to their drinks?

In answer to A I've read that small amounts of sucralose and other zero calorie sweeteners help to enhance the natural flavors of a drink. I'm called bull on that. What it does enhance is the terrible artificial diet flavor. It's really unnecessary.

The reason for the second question isn't so clear. Perhaps the CEO just likes slightly milky drinks. It reminds me of when I was little and I would mix all the drinks in the fridge into a “power drink.” In early trials I would mix in some milk, then I realized that it was kind of gross, and I started to exclude it. It would sometimes curl when mixed with juice. I'm surprised that doesn't happen in here. Adding milk to a drink always gives it a slight melted ice cream flavor.

Let me sum up this drink for you. It would be a decent juice if there weren't sucralose in it. It's too bad that it has the terrible diet flavor to it. Why add that flavor when there is still 42g of sugar in the bottle? Oh and while we're at it, they should have left out the milk as it makes it weird and creamy and melted milkshake like.

Once again with a drink, I am of two minds. On one hand, this is a great iced tea. It'ss organic, sweetened really well with agave, and has a really nice flavor. And unlike a lot of sweetened iced teas, the sugar (or agave in this case) doesn't overpower it so you can still taste the tea. I must say, it is damn good tea. I don't think I've ever had guayusa tea before, but it's delicious.

So what's wrong with it do you ask? Despite the name, it doesn't taste like cherry or ginger. This is a shame because I was really looking forward to the ginger. I can't pinpoint, but it's still good. This, my friends, is the only reason this is getting a 3 instead of a 4, false advertising.

Being a Hype Man is no easy job, but what can you do? I was born a Hype Man and I'll die a Hype Man. My mother tells me she met my father at a concert in the 80s. When I was younger she always led me to believe that my father was Grandmaster Flash, but years later it came out that while she was aiming for The Flash, she settled for Creole, the original Hype Man. Once I learned the true identity of my dad I became obsessed with becoming a Hype Man myself. I went so far as to pitch a reality show to VH1 that would star Flavor Flav, just so I could get a chance to meet him and ask him to mentor me. Needless to say, it worked. I spent years learning the tricks of the trade from “the clocked one.”

Finally after two decades of grueling dedication I am the prime Hype Man for a rapper. For legal reasons I can't divulge whom in fact I'm hyping until I make my stage debut, but you would be shocked and awed. We've run through the routine a million times, but I still get nervous. When I called Flav for some words of encouragement he hipped me to this drink. It really is shocking that for how he is obsessed with organic food, even though he put just about every drug into his system. He won't even drink a Red Bull now. He claims this drink gives Hype Men the energy they need in a healthier way and it tastes rather unique. I have to agree with him. It tastes like someone liquefied a whole mess of Double Bubble Gum and mixed it with some apple juice (and a little bit of that energy drink flavor). It may sound gross, but it's actually quite delicious. If this was the first energy drink I ever tried I would probably initially think it was gross, but being well versed in the flavor this is a great change of pace. It doesn't taste very chemical, and when it's ice cold it's a nice shock to your taste buds. Best of all is it doesn't have that chemical energy drinkness to it.

The crowd is getting restless. They need me. Me! I must go out and pump them up and add my little exclamations and interjections to my boss's raps. The world isn't ready for me with the little extra Hype I got from this energy drink.

First, let's get this right out of the way. Jay and I cannot drink this without thinking of this Homestar Runner cartoon.

Now, 'tis the reviewing hour. Much south of the eerie midnight that would be the appropriate time to drink pop from a company called "Witch's Brew" from Salem, Massachusetts. I feel like I should be listening to the band "Salem" and watching Bram Stoker's "Dracula" and doing something like sharpening stakes and/or doing something with garlic not related to making pasta. I wonder what Italian food vampires can eat. Do they touch that topic in the Twilight series? See, these are the questions that people have. They don't care if they can love. They care if they can use toothpicks which are really tiny wooden stakes.

In broad daylight, a time that vampires hate but witches probably don't mind, I am drinking this pop with my coworkers. Some like it. Some don't. Do you know what that means? That means that some people simply are riding along with Jay's bandwagon of not liking black cherry. Simply put, this pop is just another black cherry pop. It's not bad but it's nothing exceptional. I don't know if I've ever had an exceptional black cherry pop. I don't know if one exists. It would be nice if one did because I'm bored with this monotonous other stuff. You'd think witches could put something in there, like the ever popular "eye of newt" or perhaps something as simple as cinnamon to spice this up. Eh, witches have plenty of other things up their giant sleeves. Pop is probably pretty far down on their list, well below trying not to get burned at the stake and finding pointy hats.

It appeared that the only place for John to get wonderful, cold coffee drinks was Asian markets. He didn't mind since they came in great little cans of all shapes and no matter which one he picked, they were all about the same and they were all good. That is until he took a trip to the Great White North, Canada.

He went to go to a conference on fishing lures when some fishing friends coerced him to go to a place called Tim Horton's. He went in the summer when it was very hot outside and thought that straight, hot coffee would have been a terrible choice. He saw that they were advertising a new iced mocha so he decided to give that a go. Two minutes later he was in heaven. It was cold, chocolaty, and made from an honest coffee. Not to mention, for the sweet tooth that he had from time to time, they put chocolate whipped cream with chocolate syrup on top. Whenever he decided he needed a break from the coffee, he pulled the straw out a bit and had some chocolate. It was like they thought of everything.

John had a great time in Canada. He learned a lot about fishing up north, what lures are coming out, and what place to go to when he wants a good mocha. Canada is alright in John's book.

Apparently Pepsi is using their 'Next' line to try out new flavors. First was the Cherry Vanilla that Mike reviewed last week. Now I've come across this 'Paradise Mango' flavor. This is definitely a first for me, as I've never seen mango in a cola before.

Upon opening the bottle, a waft of mouth-watering mango hit my nose. I'm not joking, my mouth literally started to water when I smelled it. I don't eat mango that often, but I love mango flavored drinks. As soon as I took my first sip, my skepticism went away. This is incredible! It's got that classic crisp Pepsi cola taste, with a wave of mango right after. I keep catching myself smelling the bottle before each sip because I don't know if I've had a drink that has smelled this good in a while.

I hope Pepsi decides to expand this flavor into its normal line. I would love to see what this tastes like without all the fake sugar in it.

I have one question; do you like creamsicles? If the answer is no, don't even bother with this soda, because that is what it is in a bubbly liquid form. If you do, then I urge you to get your hands on one of these. As I said it tastes like a creamsicle, but one that was made with actual oranges. It's probably the most natural tasting orange cream soda I've ever tasted, which is always a good thing.

An employee of Trader Joes once told me that all of their products were actually the ends of the batches of other company's products with a Trader Joes label on it. It makes sense. I want to know what company is the rightful heir to this cream fortune, because I'd guess we already reviewed it, and for some reason I think this version tastes better.

It's been awhile since I've had some grape juice. It falls under the same category as apple and orange juice in that they are around so much in stores (and occasionally the home) that you kind of forget about them and shrug them off. I'm sorry grape juice. I never should have let you fall out of my life, as you are delicious and in most instances you are way better than the juices I lump you in with. I think I mostly forgot about you, when pomegranate started showing up so much in things. To me in tastes like grape concentrate, and I guess subconsciously I was thinking that I was getting my fill of grapes. Now that I am sitting here, sipping on this juice, I know I was wrong. Grape juice, you blow pomegranate out of the water. You rely on flavor over intensity, the way things should be.

Welch's has done a great job here. It may not be over the top spectacular juice, but for a prepackaged version it's right on the money. It's strong and heavy, but it's not too intense like some juices can be. You don't get a little stomachache after drinking a glass. If you like purple grapes, then I think it's pretty safe to say that you will also really like this juice. After all it's just juice and vitamin C.

Sometimes we really just can't believe that we haven't reviewed some drinks. On a drink shopping spree the other day Mike and myself were completely dumbfounded to realize that we have not reviewed Arizona's green tea and sweet tea. It really seems like they should have been some of the first reviews we did for how often we see them/used to drink them (well the green tea).

I have to say I was probably better off not reviewing this. It's a fake version of sweet tea, meaning that it doesn't taste like sweet tea at all, but instead a over-sweetened tea. To me one of the main things in sweet tea is the cane sugar. It always has a slightly grainy quality to it, that lets you know it was made with real sugar. This was made with HFCS, so it wasn't grainy, but rather syrupy. It tastes like they took a regular sweetened black tea and doubled the HFCS. I couldn't make it through an entire can over a couple of hours. I don't recommend you to see if you can.