Cucumber drinks are incredible. They are tasty and as I've said in the past, the most refreshing drinks I've ever had. The thing is that it's the innards of the cucumber that is the tasty part. Sure, if you're eating cucumber slices the skin isn't bad, but there isn't much of it to make an impact. I feel like this drink is more cucumber skin than meat. That's right I referred to the insides of a cucumber as meat, what are you going to do about it? Anyways, it has a dirty skin taste that I'm really not into very much. I tried to tell myself I was alright with it, but after about half the bottle I had to throw in the towel. The flavor of the cucumber skin was just so strong. I couldn't handle it. You would think that a flavor as strong as pineapple would overpower the cucumber skin, but it took the back seat on this drink. If you can see through the skin you can make out the pineapple.

This is definitely a strange drink. It tastes like every health food is described in early 90's television. I wanted to like this. Nah, I wanted to love this, but I just couldn't do it. Had they skinned the cucumbers I think this would have been one of my favorite drinks ever, but as it stands this is for the diehard healthy eaters out there.

Do I win an award for saying “skin” so many times?

Earlier today I was making fun of a friend for drinking Mountain Dew before noon. I'll give them that it was diet Mountain Dew, but it's still soda right after you woke up and it's gross Mountain Dew on top of that. Later in the day I was on my way to a party at a friends house and I grabbed this to drink/help me get through a long week.
It wasn't until after I had took a sip until I realized that this was just the original Amp repackaged. Oh payback, you've gotten me again.

It basically tastes like they took their original Mountain Dew recipe and added some chemicals to give it a little “boost.” If you are a teenager and love Mountain Dew, you'd probably go crazy over this stuff. If you're a grown ass man, like myself, you will have realized that regular Mountain Dew is pretty gross and I would pass this one over.

The McCulley family had taken thief life savings and used it to purchase a farm. They were sick of working for “The Man,” and since they were getting older they decided it was time to do something for themselves. The previous owners had planted a huge orchard a couple of years ago and this was to be the first year the trees were to yield a useable fruit. They had such plans for all of the apples they would be harvesting in the Fall. The amount of juice and cider they were going to produce would be mind blowing.

Finally the seasons began to change and the fruit started appearing on the trees. The problem was that these trees weren't apple trees like they had expected. They were pear trees. Mr. McCulley was furious, but there was nothing he could do. You see he had never asked the realtor or the previous owner what kind of trees they were. He had just assumed they were apple trees because that's what he had in is mind, and he thought that assumption was going to end up being his downfall. What was he to do with so many pears? No one wanted pear juice, and there was only so much pear jam you could push in the market.

He had accepted that he had ruined his family's financial well-being. He was standing out in the orchard fighting back the tears, trying to decide how to tell his family that they were ruined when his wife walked up. Very quietly she just said, “Pears, huh? Looks like we're going to be making a bunch of sparkling juice.” How could he be so blind? Adding carbonation to any juice instantly gave it a slightly different flavor that was appealing to a great deal of people.

Once the harvest was ready they made up their first batch of sparkling pear juice. All they did was juice all of the pears and add sparkling filtered water to it, and they were good to go. Mr. McCulley gave it a sip and was pleased. It certainly tasted like pears, but it wasn't very overpowering like pears can be. It was very sweet, even though he had added no sugar to it. He hesitated to say it, but after a few more sips, he was sure that it was actually really good, great even. His family was saved! He sold off his batch to the R.W. Knudsen company and used the profits to invest in the stock market. There was no way that could be a bad investment for his family.

If you ask any of the three Thirsty Dudes, strawberries are awesome. If you inquire again with the same three dudes they will tell you that bananas are garbage. It's really weird the first time you approach them, no matter what you ask they reply about strawberries, the second about bananas. Someone could ask, “Do you know what time it is?” and they would be told, “Strawberries are awesome.” Science has finally broken their brains. So much in fact they have started writing in the third person.

This drink is supposed to taste like strawberry banana, but in reality tastes more like an apple drink with a bit of banana flavoring in it, and even less strawberry. I was able to drink more of it than any other banana-based drink I've ever tried, but it still wasn't great. It was also lightly carbonated, even though sparkling water is not listed in the ingredients or anywhere on the can. I found that odd.

In the end this was a bit better than I expected, but I still found it not very appealing. If it had a real banana flavor I would have given it higher marks for all you savages out there who like that garbage fruit, but as it stands I just can't do it.

I've been sitting on my computer for the past four hours working on a new project. Within that time I have listened to predominately electro-pop like Tesla Boy, Anoraak, Brookes Brothers, and Skinny Puppy "Remission," which could not be further from electro-pop. I'm in a fantastic mood and that's also considering I took ten minutes to walk down the street to see a car chase gone wrong with a criminal crashing into a tree and a cop car crashing into someone's front porch. I'm in the zone (chief) and I could stay up all night and get a good portion of this project done and over with if it wasn't for my better judgment and assumption/guarantee that my son will wake up between 7:30 and 8 in the morning and I will be drained all day.

As I'm working, I'm working on this iced tea. I was stoked to see this in the smaller bottles today instead of those gargantuan, thirty-plus ounce bottles. I had no choice but to fork over a buck and a half and get it. I took one sip and my glee promptly turned into disappointment. Why? Simple. Lipton forgot to add the watermelon. I was so excited to try a watermelon green tea but Lipton, in their haste, forgot to put the watermelon flavor in this. It's got a decent green tea taste and I commend that. It does taste a little diet, which is good considering this is a diet drink sweetened exclusively with sucralose and that stuff is grozz. I have eaten watermelon on numerous occasions and I've got to say that this drink is simply lacking that flavor.

I understand that the two is harsh, but it's partially a punishment for getting my hopes up with the promise of watermelon green tea and also the fact that all the flavors of this line of tea have been great. Bottom rung.

I just found my new favorite drink. I wish I could say I was exaggerating but I'm really not. This is exactly what I always hoped a coffee soda would taste like. It has a really strong coffee taste, but it is also sweet and bubbly. It almost has a cream soda taste to it as well. I just passed this bottle around a room of skeptical people and they all said it was delicious.

This little bottle was $2 but it is so worth it. It would be awesome if they sold this in larger bottles because I feel like I'm drinking all 6 oz of this way too fast and I want it to last forever. Isn't a normal cup of coffee like 12oz? That would be a good size. I'd pay $4 for that, probably far too often than I'd like to admit.

Since we intake so many calories from consuming drinks all the time, I have actually come to look forward to diet drinks. 80% of the time they taste horrible, but every once in a while you'll find one that surprises you. This is one of those instances. Usually diet iced tea is really gross and tastes like a barrel of chemicals. Somehow Snapple has managed to keep the toxic taste out of this half and half. I have a feeling the lemonade might have something to do with it, but I'm not complaining.

As a half and half, this is just "okay". It's not the worst, but it's far from the best. It's middle of the road. Medicore, so-so, or any other way you want to put it.

Captain, we have a problem. We're about to set voyage and we just realized that we only have enough beverages on this ship to last us until tomorrow. I don't know who messed up, but we'll find out and they will be scrubbing the galley in no time.

Sailor, first things first; I am an admiral, not a lowly captain. I control entire fleets of ships, and I eat captains with my morning granola. That's right, cannibalism is okay because I am an admiral. It will do you well not to forget that in the future. As for our little problem, don't sweat it ensign. Being an admiral and all I have the inside line to many things that you lower sailors do not. One of them happens to be a line of teas created for my kind. That's also right; us admirals like to think of ourselves as a different race. We are descended from mermen, but you didn't hear that from me. I can get us as many cases of tea as we'll need for this voyage by 0900 tomorrow.

Have you ever had Arizona and Peace Tea before ensign? Well, tea made for admirals falls somewhere between the two. It tastes more like Razzleberry Peace Tea, but it is sweetened with HFCS, so it has more of the consistency of Arizona. You might ask why they don't use a higher grade of sweetener for the master sea race. The fact of the matter is that our kind really just likes the thickness of corn syrup. It makes us feel like a drink has more substance. Call us crazy, but that is how my kind has always felt and always will feel.

Now let's get these people down to Cozumel. They paid decent money for this cruise and we're going to show them the best time we possibly can!

I complain about this stuff all the time, a company delivers, and I complain. Therefore, I am sorry in advance. This drink, lemon sting, is just too much. It's a lot of lemon, and I like lemon. It's also a lot of honey, and I like honey. The two together tastes a bit too much like I should be drinking this with a sore throat.

I give this company full appreciation. I really do. Also, for adding rosemary in this drink saved you from a dreaded "2" rating. There is nothing in this drink, and for what it is it's great. What it is is reminiscent of long nights spent with a runny nose, coughing, and trying to talk as little as possible while trying to achieve 100% completion in whatever video game you're playing. I'm currently playing Just Cause 2 and if I have to have a sore throat and need lozenges for the duration of time it takes me to get 100% I might cut my throat clean off.

Wisconsin is a land of wonder. For some reason that state will always be a little slice of heaven for me, well besides the craphole that is Milwaukee. How can the rest of a state be so serene and magical and then it is mostly known for such a pile of filth. In the few times I have visited that city I've had a run in with suburban punk kids who thought they were nazis, watched a drug deal gone wrong and violence ensued, watched knives get pulled on people and various other activities perpetrated by degenerics. Then there are towns like Appleton that are filled with joy, wonder and amazing people. I got my highest score ever in Galaga at a Laundromat in Appleton. That is enough for me to love it forever.

I've been to many towns large and small in that incredible state, yet I have never visited Janesville, the home of Gray's Brewing Company. It is another beer brewery that also puts out a line of sodas. If I've learned anything through my years at Thirsty Dudes it's that you should pay attention when a brewery starts making some root beer. It's usually something special. Gray's knows that root beer should be stored in brown bottles; none of that clear garbage.

The root beer has a heavy wintergreen and licorice flavor to it. It's a classic root beer taste that is better than the pops “big soda” puts out. That is a hysterical idea: big soda. Seriously though, the way this tastes is what I think of when I think of root beer. It's not complex and there is nothing that particularly stands out about it, but it's solid and that's all you can really ask for.

Now Wisconsin, you should really think about kicking Milwaukee out of your state. Maybe IL would take them?

I sit here all day. Watching. Watching the people. They want me and they don't even know it. I sit here, all tasty. I'm made from strawberries and lemons. Who wouldn't love me? Is that woman getting beaten by another woman? We're talking about me for a minute. I'm sweet and you can taste the strawberry but it still has the sting of the lemonade. It's like I've got a big jug of lemonade with countless amounts of strawberries just marinating in me. Now what do we have here? I've got to learn how to use this telescope better. I wonder if that kid that broke my leg is out delivering papers. He always does a terrible job. He doesn't make it within ten feet of the porch and often throws it when the sprinklers are on leaving me with a wet, unreadable paper.

I can't see, though. What is going on in that car? Is that a drug deal? No. It can't be. It's two kids. Was the local news true? Is Breaking Bad really influencing kids to deal drugs? Oh, wait, they're just playing Pokemon. This is dumb. I should be outside basking in the sun showing off my delicious digs. I'm strawberry lemonade, broken leg or not. I'm delicious and all will envy me. Just five more minutes. That orange juice across the street is taking off her sarong.

Welcome back to another episode of “Board Room Shenanigans.” As always we are brought to you by the three lovely fellows at Thirsty Dudes. This series helps to fill in the gaps as to why certain drinks taste like they do. Sometimes you have to wonder how some drinks make it onto the shelves. Here at the show we like to think we shed some light on the subject. Now onto today's episode…€¦.

Gentlemen, the world of energy drinks is shifting and I will not see our empire crumble because we did not get with the times. Consumers are demanding more than just candy flavored sparkling drinks that will keep them up all night. As our competitors have proven the clients want real flavors and new styles. I thought we would be alright since we put that relaxation drink on the market, but people still want new energy drinks. What are everyone's ideas? Juice infused with whatever it is that gives our drinks energy? Well first off, as a member of this board you really should know what those ingredients are. We don't need a scandal on our hands. Secondly, do you think I want to hemorrhage money? Do you know how much fruit juice costs in comparison to the sugar water we put out now? There's no way we could do that and keep our profits high. Energy shots? Those are so last year. Energized iced tea? I think you may be onto something! That's something new and tea can be the cheapest thing ever. Let's take it up a notch though, so people think they are getting a little extra for their money. Let's make it peach iced tea.

In order to keep costs low we're going to need to use the ghettoest tea ever. You know those gallons of tea you can find in gas stations for 99 cents that are more sugar water than tea? Well, we need to use something like that, but make it even more peach flavored sugar water and less tea. We'll mix all of that up with our patented energy mix, which off the record I think tastes like toxic waste and we have a new product on our hands that the kids will eat up. Non-carbonated energy drinks are going to be the wave of the future and we're going to be riding the crest. Who cares if our product will taste like garbage? It's so new that people will eat it up and by the time they realize just how gross it is, we'll be sold out and have a new product on the market.

The quantity of almonds I have consumed in my life is fairly astronomical. I went through a period where I ate 3-5 pounds a week. I feel like I shouldn't be alive after that. It just seems like so many almonds. I t probably helps my state of living that I only ate raw unsalted ones. Now that I think of it, I probably could have doubled my intake and still been fine. I also have unsweetened almond milk on my cereal every morning. My point is, I know almonds. A lot of things that claim to be almond flavored don't really taste like the nuts at all. I can assure you readers that Victoria's Kitchen also knows almonds. As soon as you open this bottle it smells like almond concentrate. That was a bit frightening because I was afraid this might actually be as strong as almond extract, which would be absolute hell on ones taste buds. Before I took a sip I had decided that this was either going to taste like an extreme almond extract, or it was going to taste like watered down almond milk. Neither of those options particularly interested me, so luckily I was wrong. It tastes like you took a glass 99% full of water and mixed in that last 1% with almond extract, well we should probably lower those percents in the same ratio so this hypothetical mixture doesn't spill out of the nonexistent glass. I like it. It tastes exactly like almonds, but the sugar in it is a bit of a turn off. It's pretty sweet and it gives it a bit of a candied taste. As a result I couldn't drink more than half the bottle in one sitting, but I was happy to go back to it later. I think Vicky and her kitchen staff could have gone with perhaps 1/3 of the sugar they used and I would have liked it a lot more, but hey I like my almonds really plain. Now go get a rag, we have to wipe up all this ghost almond drink you spilled all over your counter.

Eric's Famous, we meet again! I have only ever found this at Whole Foods, but this time I found the other flavors besides root beer. I'm a big cola fan so finding new brands is always exciting to me. I came here to do some work and was going to get coffee, but then I saw this and decided to give it a try instead.

As far as energy drinks goes, it tastes great and is really effective. As far as cola goes…€¦ meh. I've had worse but I've also had much better. The vanilla and the goji cola have been recommended to me so I'm excited to try those next (saving the best for last perhaps?).

Terrible. Awful. Putrid. Twice as awful. I sparingly like coconut water as it is but this...man...something went wrong here. It smells good. I was hoping this would be awesome. It had to be. It smelled good. Then you take a sip and it all goes wrong. This was cold, the way that coconut water is supposed to be drunk. It tasted like if toothpaste was made from mashed up coconuts and people were crying it was so bad so someone at the company mixed a little fruit in it. It's heavy, heavy coconut and all the blast coolers in the world couldn't save this drink.

I wish I had my tongue scraper with me. This drink was unbearable.

Reed's, you never let us down in making a delicious drink. I picked this up today instead of coffee. I haven't had much luck (in the ways of taste) when it comes to "natural" energy drinks. It's naturally caffeinated with green tea, which is nice and gives it that mellow green tea flavor. There's also a bunch of different fruit juices mixed in that make this quite a delicious drink.

What puts this over the top is the 23,000 mg of fresh ginger root it has inside. That is not a typo, 23 THOUSAND milligrams. The next ingredient is green tea with 1,000 mg. While it doesn't have the burn of ginger beer, it's a great ginger taste throughout that I wish more ginger drinks had.

Confession time: I spend way too much time on Tumblr. I spend most of my workday in front of a computer so it's far too easy to keep Tumblr open in one tab and refresh it every 5 minutes. Sure there is a lot of annoying animated gif's and Daniel Tosh apologists on there, but there is also a lot of rad things as well.

Today after I followed someone (http://rotgirlrot.tumblr.com/), they posted the following: "WHOA HEY WAIT A SECOND YOU'RE A THIRSTY DUDE fuck I LOVE YOUR WEBSITE DUDE HELLO /fans self"
This right here made my day. It's really nice to get feedback like this from people who read our ridiculous ramblings about weird drinks.

So since you made my day new friend, this review is dedicated to you! I was surprised that we hadn't reviewed this yet. I even had to check our master list twice because I could have sworn we did it. More often than not we look past the common drinks, but we eventually come back to them. A&W makes a decent (not amazing) root beer, and that's also how I feel about their cream soda. It's thick tasting due to the HFCS, but has a nice vanilla taste to it. The weirdest thing is that it has caffeine in it, which is very unusual for a cream soda.

And for those fellow tumblr addicts, feel free to follow me: http://derekneuland.tumblr.com/

Hey dude. Check out that chick right there. So hot. I'm so glad we came to "Big Wet" instead of going to that theme park with the water park in it. They've got a Dunkin' Donuts right across the street. Do you want anything? I'll get my hand stamped and come right back.

Here you go. Oh, this? It's an Oreo Coolatta. It's pretty good. Want to try it? Yeah, it tastes mostly like Oreo cookies and not a lot like coffee. Would I have appreciated a bit more coffee? Yeah. Did someone just scream? Maybe it was some kids going down a waterslide. Yeah, I would have appreciated a bit more coffee but look at all the cookie in here. It's a fine grind, but I've got to say that there are two or three ground up cookies in this drink. It's sweet and man is it big. This twenty-four ouncer is a medium. No one needs this much but you know what? It's hot out.

Dude! Did you see that!? That! Right there! That hot chick is missing a leg! She had one a minute ago and now she doesn't. That was a hot leg. Why am I making jokes? Is that kid missing a hand? What the heck is going on? Is that pool filled with blood? Woah! Did you see that?! A piranha just jumped out of the water and bit that girl's neck. We've got to get out of here. Where's Carl? Is he still in the pool? Carl!! Carl!! Get out of the pool! No, you are not safe on that raft. Those piranhas are everywhere and they're eating people. Get out of the pool. Yes, you can have the rest of this Coolatta just get out. Oh, great. You see, Carl, you idiot? You stayed in and now you've got a piranha on your arm. Get that thing off and let's just get out of here. It's still nice out. We can still make it to that theme park and go on that roller coaster once we get you all bandaged up. Man, that piranha did a number on you. Just put some of these napkins on it. It will be fine.

I'm a self-proclaimed outdoor kid. Hiking around the woods is one of my favorite things to do. With that being said, as I get older I find myself making it out into the great outdoors a lot less than I used to. This has left me feeling like a slob. I work then I hang out the house or go to band practice. As a result a few months ago I joined a gym. Well because of that and because the amount of sugar I intake is fairly astronomical due to this website. I'm shocked that I have actually kept going, and I find myself more or less enjoying it. I have a routine of when I go, and I stick to it. Even over the past week when it's been 95+ degrees and I sweat just sitting still.

Today was one of my gym days and I was already sweating like crazy as I climbed out of the basement furnace that is my screen printing shop. I dried off as much as I could and then headed to work out. I feel sorry for the other patrons of the gym. Sure I follow the rules and wipe off the machines when I'm done, I'm not a savage, but while I was on the treadmill sweat was literally pouring off of me. When I was done there was a physical pool of sweat on the floor beneath me. Embarrassed, I cleaned it up and then went to do some lifting. I try not to look at anyone else while I'm there, so I don't know if anyone was in the same boat as me, but I can only assume they were and I hope they paid me the same courtesy as I did them by ignoring my existence.

By the time I got back home I was completely drenched with sweat and dehydrated. I decided I should give this bottle of Cytomax recorvery drink a try. I figured there would never be a better time. It's a protein drink, so I expected it to be thick. It's also watermelon flavored so I expected it to be gross. What I didn't expect was for it to taste like it does, and that is like a generic Pixie Stix. To be more specific it tastes like someone took a watermelon Jolly Rancher and crushed it to powder. Then for every part powder they mixed in three parts Pixie Stix. Shockingly it's not disgusting, but it is insanely sweet, in the artificial sweetener kind of way.

I don't really know if it helped with recovery, but it did quench my thirst, and I strangely enjoyed it. So at least it's got that going for it.

It has been in the 90's and 100's the past week in Portland. This is very unnatural for Portland, and it sucks. I hate the heat, which is why I moved here. All I've been doing is sitting in front of a fan and drinking water. I decided to venture out into the sun today and found this lemonade tea at a corner store I don't frequent much. Hubert's has never done me wrong so this was a good thing to stumble upon.

Now I'm a big fan of half and half's and I've tried a good number of them in my day. It's hard to get the tea to lemonade ratio perfect, but Hubert's did a damn good job. The lemonade is sweet and tangy, but still lets the mellow green tea flavor come through. If this was more widely available it would be my go-to half and half.