When drinks come in these tetra pack they always seem like they are going to be too small for me. Ahh my American gluttony. Truth is that these packs keep me from being a slob. I just finished this up and I'm actually pretty satisfied. I should probably start drinking more things in smaller packages. Maybe then I won't over-stuff myself.

In my world this is more of a juice than a smoothie. It's a great juice, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't have the consistency of what I think of when I think smoothie. This is just a mixture of nine different fruit juices. There is nothing added to it to thicken it up. I'm okay with it. It tastes like you're eating a bunch of fresh fruit. Well done Juiceheads.

Death Valley in a time when the west was old was probably a completely terrible place. It's over 100 degrees all day, there's no decent place to go to the bathroom, and more often than not you're going to find a scorpion in your boot. I think one of the worst aspects of the old west that is never portrayed in movies is just how terrible everyone must smell. Sure they haven't showered in weeks, or months, but what really grosses me out is just how bad everyone's breath had to be. Have you ever smelled someone's breath who hasn't brushed their teeth in years, and whose teeth are undoubtedly rotting out of their head? Not for me.

Basically I have no interest in the old west. I like at least minimum comfort, and I just need to have clean teeth. This bottle of cola says that it's a taste of the old west. I'm calling shenanigans. This is far to delicious to be from such a dire time. This is one of the greatest colas I have ever tasted. It's incredibly smooth and flavorful. This is so much more than a Coke or a Pepsi. It's not nearly as harsh as contemporary colas. I can't get over how smooth it tastes. It's almost as smooth as a quality cream soda. The cola taste is very strong and it doesn't taste like a sugar water.

Now I can't get the idea of gross old west mouth rot out of my head so I'm going to go brush my teeth about a half dozen times.

Some pop is strange. You have certain expectations for the way that it tastes. Then, when you actually take a sip, it doesn't abide by your crazy made-up rules. Suddenly, rudely, when you burp, those expectations are met. To drink a bottle of pop that you need to burp to get what you want out of it seems fun, but the ratio of drinking to burping is very far off. Unless you're completely disgusting or completely alone, you aren't going to get your money's worth of burps out of pop.

This drink is right there. To drink, it's sweet and lightly watermelon'd. Then you burp and BAM! Candied watermelon or watermelon candy. Whichever you choose. I have not been very impressed by any watermelon pop or any of Carousel's drinks. I won't stop drinking them but there hasn't been one that I would go back to or even recommend. If you like them, speak up, but there are plenty of other companies that just moderately blow my socks off that I don't feel bad leaving this by the wayside.

A lot going on. But there always is, isn't there -- a lot going on?

A classic line from the classic...er movie "Made" with Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. That line defines this drink to a T. Tee? Tea? Who cares, am I right?

In one corner of the royal rumble, you've got the Monster name. With that, you expect that "trillion Smarties" taste. You don't get it in this drink, but you expect it.

In another corner, you've got a coffee taste. It's not too bad. It's definitely more than a basic, poor person coffee taste. It's compressed, like Monster has hired ex-baristas and are just having them compress coffee in an underground shack for this drink.

In the third corner of the world's strangest wrastlin' ring, the sweetness. It's regular first, and then it gets a little diet-y. There is sucralose in there, but it is tolerable. It's pretty masked by a lot of the other flavors that are going on, hitting each other in the heads with folding chairs from your aunt's dumb basement party. Why does she have parties and gatherings in the basement when she has a perfectly clean and functioning upstairs?

In the fourth and final corner, there is milk. Milk is kind of like the ref in this game. While the drama is going on with the other wrestlers, the ref literally smoothes everything out. He's a nice guy. He smoothes everything out in the ring and before that, he refs his kid's T-Ball game.

I didn't hate this as much as I thought that I would. That says a lot.

Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke? Did one of you turds replace my soda with cough syrup? This has the smallest amount of carbonation I have ever experienced in a soda. It's to the point where I had to think about whether or not it actually was carbonated. As far as the flavor goes it starts off tasting like a semi-decent black cherry pop, but as soon as you swallow it's nothing but medicinal. I had less than five sips of this and then I couldn't drink anymore because of the cough medicineness of it all. Ugh.

Ever since I went vegan and no longer could drink eggnog, I have been searching for a good vegan substitute. I have finally found it! This is seriously better than I remember regular eggnog being. The coconut milk makes this drink so creamy and thick. And it has the perfect amount of nutmeg. My holiday season just got so much better!

Tour ended a couple of days ago. Our last show was in Boston, MA (okay Allston). We showed up a bit early and no one was at the venue, so I decided to hoof it out to the local Whole Foods. My phone told me it was a mile away, and I thought that's no big deal. Let me tell you, that was the longest mile I've ever walked. The temperature seemed to be constantly dropping. I had to cross several thruway on and off ramps, go over some decent sized bridges and the neighborhood quickly went from nice to way shady to way nice. Strange times. I'm glad I made the trip though because the store had a bunch of drinks I had never seen before. I was the most excited about this one. It's a soda with actual fruit in it, which is a total plus in my book. On top of that said fruit is blackberry, my favorite.

Because it was made with actual juice I expected this to be pretty sweet. I was actually expecting something along the lines of an Italian soda. I was shocked, but not disappointed to find out it was rather dry. It still tasted totally like blackberries, but it wasn't overly sweet. It unfortunately also did not have chunks of blackberry in it. They must have filtered them out, which is a shame. Some small pieces would have been wonderful. Even with that being the case, this is a soda I can totally get behind. I like that more companies are making sodas with less sugar. We really need to wean this country off of so much sugar.

Honeydrop huh? How about we rename this drink "Honeyheapingspoonful." I don't mean that in a derogatory way, as I think this is a very pleasant drink. My issue is that from the name/label you would think that this is a juice that is lightly sweetened with honey. Nope! This is a honey drink lightly flavored with blood orange juice. It's like nothing I've ever had before. Also, I don't believe I've ever had a blood orange flavored drink that wasn't carbonated. It was a nice change of pace.

I've been drinking a lot of pop and my mouth has gotten tired of it. I needed something to break the monotony. It happens when you drink so much stuff. It all starts to blend together and you need a break. Since we don't take actual "breaks" here at Thirsty Dudes, our breaks are us drinking something different.

For the trillionth time, I can't believe that we haven't done this yet. Strawberry Kiwi Lifewater? Get out. It's been out forever and we're just now getting to it. This should give you the incentive to go out and try something new if we have just now gotten around to something that you can get anywhere.

This is probably a standby classic for you because it's so good. It's light, sweet, and has a great fruit flavor. Great. Did you hear me? I don't use that word a lot. Good, alright, OK, whatever. I don't use "great" a lot. I do and I don't care. I'll say it again. It isn't too sweet and has no bad aftertaste. It's not to bad in the calorie department which is good as I just Gregory House M.D.'d this entire bottle.

This new season of House is pretty good and all over the place, too, if you haven't gotten around to it. You're only three episodes deep. You could catch up on one rainy day. Hugh Laurie. You're a great man. Come do a guest review. Someone get Hugh Laurie to do a guest review.

Oh how adorable a little bottle of smoothie. It has the cutest little face on it and an ever so appropriate name "Cuties." This may have been your first thought process if you are either under the age of 10 or over the age of 45 and lived alone except for your 14 cats. Truth be told you wouldn't be thinking this is so cute if you knew it's dark history. Remember those monks from the 90's that recorded their chants and sold them in mass quantities to the yuppie crowd? Have you ever wondered why we don't hear from them anymore? I mean obviously it's not because that was a stupid novelty of an idea. It must be something more sinister. The last ingredient in this bottle is "Monk Fruit Concentrate." That's too much of a coincidence for me. After doing some digging I uncovered the ghastly truth that Cuties has been harvesting the "singing monks" mind grapes to add a little kick to their smoothies.

They start off with a nice thick smoothie that tastes very strongly of tangerines and mangoes with just the slightest hint of banana. From the taste you can definitely tell it's a protein drink, but it's not as chalky as you would expect. It is the monk's mind grapes that give it that quality. Tell me you still think this is cute now that you know that it contains monk brains! You do? Well then you my friend are quite the sicko!

It's been a rough day. A car hit you. Lightly, but nonetheless, it hit you. It was a jalopy of car and the jerk was on their phone so you are majorly upset. It was on your way to work. You were crossing the street and they just didn't stop enough and tapped you. You wanted so badly to kick in their front headlight, as you always wanted to do, but you didn't, unfortunately.

You went into work only to discover that your inbox, your physical inbox, not email, was overflowing with disorganized papers. Oh, the fun you will have today. On top of that, there are no apples in the vending machine and they have been replaced with Ho-Hos. You love Ho-Hos but you are on a diet and rely on those apples to get you through the day.

Three quarters through the day, you need a break. You don't smoke, so you bring fun drinks to work. You found this cherry ginger ale and you really need it to be good or your day will be completely ruined. You open it, smell it, take a sip, and everything is A-OK. It's smooth and has a great cherry flavor. You burp, because you are on break and don't need to impress anyone, and it's a little hot, like you drank a ginger beer. All around, it is a great drink.

You close out your daily tasks, minimize your inbox, and take off for the day. It started out badly, but that pop turned everything around.

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't reviewed a single drink in the past week. This is because I have been working at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin, Texas. I worked 80 hours in 6 days and it was insane. But it was well worth the long hours and dust storms. I got to meet Henry Rollins, Brian Posehn, Donald Glover. I saw first hand how insane Odd Future are when I did security for their set when they instructed the crowd to disregard security and rush the barricade/stage. I was several feet away from Ryan Gosling on several occasions. I met lots of amazing people, made some new friends, and have stories about Danzig, Slayer, and many other experiences to share and remember for years.

The reason I'm mentioning all this is because this is the only water I drank for 6 days. If it wasn't for these bottles of water all over the fest, I probably would have died. So in a sense, this water saved my life and sanity. It's not special water; it tastes just like any other water. Unlike most bottle water, it will hold a special place in my heart.

Jay is back from tour and that means that we are in the market for Sum Poosie. Poor, lonely Jay. On the road with two dudes. Yeah, they're good dudes, but dudes none-the-less. So now it's time for Jay and myself to get Sum Poosie. Normally, we aren't the type of guys interested in this type of thing, but sometimes you just need Sum Poosie. Along with the powers of ginseng, our minds will stay intact as we go to town with the ladies. There is also the need for methyl sulfonyl, which is methane. We don't know what it really does, but we crave it every time Jay gets back from tour and its step towards the debauchery that will take place is the never-to-near future.

By now you should know that I am talking about the drink called Sum Poosie. It's an energy drink that loves the ladies and encourages you in every way, shape, and form about trying to get some or see nude girls. As a drink, it's not bad. As an energy drink, it's better than most energy drinks. It doesn't have an energy drink taste and actually tastes a little like cherries, or cherry bubble gum, or cherry lemonade. If I didn't know this was an energy drink, I wouldn't know that this was an energy drink.

If you love the ladies, don't want to stop partying, and just want to spend all of the day at a strip club eating low price, lower quality lobster and shrimp scampi, this is the drink to you. If you like energy drinks and don't mind looking at false stats about one particular women who is on the side of the bottle while you get energized, this is the drink for you. If you are a stuck up women hater who wants to sleep and would never step foot in a strip club and hate the taste of cherries, this is not the drink for you.

Starbucks. There's one not too far from my house and I try as hard as I can to not go in there. Only reason I do is when my girlfriend needs to get a coffee and she yells at me when I want to stay outside. I never want to go in anywhere. My epitaph might say, "Do you want to run in while I stay in the car?" I was in Starbucks last week and she forced me to get a hot cocoa. It was great, but I didn't want it. I don't drink coffee so for the sake of me (and the sake of an establishment that doesn't want people it can't sell to) I don't go there. No offense.

Something happened inside of coffee shops and I don't think that it's a wanted or desired thing. Fifty percent of the seats have been taken over by people on laptops. I don't believe they were just checking email, either. I feel they were doing some sort of work that takes an adequate amount of time. Every food place I've ever worked has basically tried to get you in and out as quickly as they can because quick turnover means more money. You on your laptop write a thesis on how the Cosby show portrayed Black America in a good light at a coffee shoppe means that while you're there taking up space, no one else can come in, sit down, drink a cup of coffee, and scoot. You who are reading a book about how the harvesting of the ivory tusks of elephants to make chopsticks is a thriving but illegal business is not allowing a tired mother who has schlepped her crying kid around all day and just wants to sit down and enjoy a chai latte a place to sit, as she is entitled to do.

I hold a grudge towards those people who do this sort of action and it is not something that happened a little. I have completely written off coffee shops that sell decent food because jerk college kids think that a coffee shop is actually the common room in the dorm where they can stretch out and work on English 101 homework with their study group.

I believe for this reason, Starbucks has created this drink. For the inconsiderate person on the go. It's got that coffee name you can trust, plus coffee, plus some cocoa, plus mint, in case you decided that you would rather drink a drink that is horrible for you, albeit delicious, instead of brushing your teeth. Now, I know that last part isn't true, but if Starbucks brick and mortar stores have just given up and are alright with housing people on computers all day, then they needed to create an outside revenue resource. The Frappuccino was born. Now, the baristas can make seventeen drinks in one eight hour shift for eight people while no one can get in and out because the middle of the establishment is so full of power cables running to and from people's computers, that it looks like a rubber and plastic spider has been created as some sort of garbage "art as an installation" piece in the center of all and every Starbucks.

Starbucks. You don't need me to come in. Do not be sore at me for I do not hate your establishment. Your mint mocha Frappuccino is delicious and I've got three more to keep my mouth pleased. You do need to start charging for Wi-Fi and/or electricity to start getting some people out of your shops.

It seems like just yesterday I was complaining about the specifics of what truly makes a smoothie. I argued that seeds, thickness, and stuff make a smoothie and this is way closer. It's also not made with coconut milk so we are closer still. This also tastes delicious and would be loved by all if given the opportunity to take a swig. Oh, the diseases that would go around if everyone shared a bottomless bottle of this drink. Everyone would be ill.

This is good. Get it. It's at Target.

I enjoy drinking things shaped like a baseball. It's completely awkward and it makes me want to market something that is fun to drink because it's shaped like a pirate ship or light pole or spoiler off a Honda Civic. People would love it because it's delicious but I would make it so it doesn't really fit on any shelf and doesn't stay where you put it because there isn't a adequate flat surface.

This was an impulse buy that was made because of the flavor and the shape and the price and the fact that the name of the company was Cuties.

I expected a bit more smoothie and less coconut puree, if I may be honest. The flavor was good to start; tangerine fighting strawberries and then who breaks up the fight? Fat old coconut. It not bad, I just thought it would be thicker, perhaps with seeds or something. There is a bit of "stuff" in there, so it is technically a smoothie, I just would have liked more, you know.

There are other flavors and we will eventually get to them, but for now, I know what to expect, and it's thick, coconut Juice in the shape of America's favorite past time.

This review should go something like; Oops someone dropped an open CO2 tank into the vat of Vitamin Water blah blah blah. I'm tired, I'm sick and I don't have it in me right now.

When I first tried this it tasted exactly like a carbonated Vitamin Water. The more I drank the less sure I was. I did still enjoy it though. It's really light tasting, and that is something that is fairly rare in a sparkling beverage. It also didn't have a distinct melon or pineapple so much as it has a general tropical taste. I'm very interested in trying the other flavors. Now I will pass out in the van and wake up in another city, in another state.

I don't know what is going on here. It's quite possibly the worst half and half I have ever had. Why? I will tell you with bells on.

Simply put, this does not taste like tea or lemonade. It tasted like burning and possibly lemon flavored drink. It's got a low-grade flavor that you would find in one of those gallon "flavored drink" drinks you find everywhere. Not enough of anything to call it tea or juice so it's in this purgatory of grossness.

I cannot believe that this is our first Nestea and even with how low grade it is, we'll do more. We're gluttons for punishment.

Sit down children and let me tell you a tale of the Cherry Tree. Deep in the forests of England there is a tree that is very rare indeed. It may look like any other fruit bearing tree, and to be fair that is what it is. The only difference is that the cherries this specific and wondrous variety brings forth tastes of cherry cola. Scientists the world 'round have tried to figure out what causes that flavor, and more importantly why it can only grow in that one place. All of their efforts have just left them scratching their collective noggins.

The Fentimans company has bought all of the land these trees grow on and have begun to use them to create a new soda in their line. The result is the best cherry cola I have ever tasted. It also helps that ginger root extract is the second ingredient, above even sugar. Don't worry though it doesn't have a ginger burn to it. It just rounds out the flavor a little. A lot of their other sodas taste fermented, which is a little off putting to me. With this one the magic cherry, cola and ginger flavors blend together in a way that overpowers that pesky fermentation. Thumbs up all around.

I thought I knew what Mud Pie was but to make sure, I had to Wiki it. It was just what I thought it was. Chocolate with crispy chocolate. One place said that it had whipped cream in it, so I thought it would be like a chocolate cream pop. My mom said that she used to make it by putting chocolate pudding in a piecrust. All of these options sounded great and I had to get this pop in me.

First sip was a bit awkward because it tastes like there is a coffee taste to the pop, and two other people agreed. The chocolate is a good chocolate taste, and that in itself, although not technically "mud pie", would have been good. This tasted like a chocolate, coffee drink. It was good, but I wanted a bit more chocolate, no coffee, and maybe some cream. I wouldn't have been mad if there was cream in there. Much like in real life, if there is whipped cream on a dessert; I'm not going to get mad at you.