Remember that thing about your grandma that I wrote last week about her being awesome? Everything I said still stands. The baking, the cooking, everything. I love my grandma, but I would not lick her. I mean, if I had to, I would. She's my grandma. I would lick her to save my life or her life. There are other reason I would but they would all be very strange situations if I had to lick her to accomplish any sort of end goal.

This drink is strange. It's like your grandma, who still wears the same perfume she did 70 years ago as a young lady, had a glass of lemonade and did her makeup and was having a rather smell morning and had to apply extra and didn't bother covering the glass with a doily or something and all the perfume and stuff got inside and infused the lemonade with "old lady smell." It's not terrible. It's not something I would drink again because it really tastes like if I filtered lemonade through an old woman's hair.

Well that wasn't a good way to sell a product.

I remember seeing this drink over in the UK. At the time I was on a pretty strict budget or basically no money, so I passed on trying it. This was also in the pre-Thirsty Dudes days, so I didn't feel the obligation to drink everything I saw. I didn't expect to run across it again in a small store in Lansing, MI. If you are also a scientist you will have come to the same conclusion I have; there is a warp point to the United Kingdom somewhere in central Michigan. I know your first thought is that we need to call immigration and get some border guards out here to tighten up security on this warp zone, but I'm pretty sure the terrorists don't know about it yet, so let's use it to our advantage. Think of all of the Jaffa cakes and Irn Bru we could bring over. On second thought those things are gross, let's tighten those borders!

Now that we're essentially closed off the point of entry let us sit back and sip on this bottle of Shloer. The way I've been pronouncing it, it sounds like a degrading term for women. Is that the way you're supposed to say it? If so what were you thinking UK? Enough of pronunciations. On to what's important, flavor. I expected this to be an overly sweet sparkling grape juice. While it is a sparkling grape juice, as is stated on the bottle, my scientific skills were not needed for that, it's not very sweet. It has a nice bitter grape taste to it. It was a nice surprise. I've been nursing the bottle for the better part of the day and I'm not sick of it yet. I kind of regret calling immigration on that warp point. Hopefully another one will open and I can score some more of these.

Troops. I've got some bad news. No, you're not being deployed to Afghanistan again, it's worse. You know all the Muscle Milk you've been drinking? Well due to the economic climate, we can no longer provide you with an "All You Can Drink" supply, regardless if you are saving the country or not. Fortunately, our milk supply was replaced by Mountain Dew. Now, before you scoff if you don't like Mountain Dew, this is Game Fuel Mountain Dew which might contain more zip or zazz or whatever the kids are saying nowadays. It's also the tropical flavor so can feel like your deployed in California rather than here in Watertown New York.

On top of all these facts it's sponsored by Call Of Duty 3, a video game I've heard is very popular involving an army killing bad guys. What they probably don't capture in the game is the unfortunate loss of Muscle Milk. They only capture the unfortunate occurrence of shooting bad guys. There is more to war than shooting bad guys. We're fighting a war with milk and the lack of funds we need to replace that milk.

What did you say, Private? Oh, the taste. I don't know. I didn't actually have any. I've had pop before in my day, but none of it has been so...forest green. Well son, this tastes like a mix between Mountain Dew, a product I have had in my day, and fruit punch, what we drank when I was your age. It's better than the Mountain Dew I remember, son. I can tell you that.

So once again, your precious milk has been replaced with Army themed pop and you should search for your calcium elsewhere. A travesty, I know.

Sure Gatorade replenishes your electrolytes and brings the sodium levels in your body up to par, but what about giving you a little energy for after the big game. You worked hard. You exhausted yourself for the love of the game and the adoration of the fans. Now you are exhausted and you don't even know how you're going to make it to the locker room without passing out. Lucky for you Hydrive has created a sports and energy drink combo. It's non-carbonated which makes it kind of strange. It tastes more like a lemon lime sports drink than an energy drink. Actually it tastes more like Powerade than Gatorade. That makes it lose points. Powerade is gross. What elementary school cafeterias do to pizza is what Powerade did to sports drinks. Not a scene you want to be involved in.

Oh yeah, watch out when you dump this over your coach's head after winning the big game. It is still an energy drink after all, and it will absorb into his skin and cause heart stoppage.

I really like ice cream. Who doesn't? It's great. It comes in a million flavors and now that I've got a girlfriend who doesn't like peanuts in her ice cream, or in anything, I am very limited to the slew of varieties available. Yesterday we psychically saw into each other's deepest desires and both thought that we needed ice cream. I went to the bodega across the street and, like always and because I'm me, I had to check out the drink selection. I came across this dude and bought it without looking back. I also bought classic cookie dough ice cream, because it's delicious and doesn't have nuts in it. A prerequisite.

I was thirsty so I slammed the can pretty quickly and like most Brisk drinks, it's got a little bit of a sting, but you can easily confuse the sting of the corn syrup and whatever garbage they put in there with the natural, inherent sting of a good lemonade. If you just give the drink the benefit of the doubt, this isn't bad. It's also nice to think that you might have an alright lemonade available to you year round. It's a good "in a bind" lemonade and it's not at all natural but sometimes your body just needs crap in it. Like why I go to McDonald's once every six months, so I can truly appreciate "the good stuff."

For a company that was made famous for their teas, Honest sure knows how to make juice drinks as well. This falls under their "Ade" line. To me an Ade is a drink that is just fruit juice, sugar and water. If this was just pomegranate, blueberry, sugar and water I think it would be pretty out of control spectacular. Simple and effective. Honest added grape and lemon juice (probably to cut back on costs) and I think the flavor suffers a bit because of it. I still think it's a great drink, but you can definitely taste the grape sneaking it's way into the mixture. Pomegranates and blueberries have such distinct intense flavors that I just don't think it needed anything else. Perhaps I just need to find something to complain about with everything, because no matter what I say here I really do enjoy this drink. It's rare that Honest lets me down, and for that I am grateful.

First of all, I performed one of the cardinal sins of Thirsty Dudes, which is drink, a drink without taking a picture of it. I thought I did but I forgot and now you're left with a stock image from Amazon. For that, I apologize even though Amazon has better images that we ever will. It's part of our charm. We're charming with our lack of professionalism. Face it, you can't help but love us.

I hated GUS's Cola. A lot. This is a whole other story. This is pretty great. It's almost like a sparkling pomegranate juice rather than a pop. It's bitter, like a pomegranate, and GUS lets it do its thing. That's the right thing to do. Not too sweet, as it says. It's super fruity, and actually, and for the first time, tastes like pomegranate.

Parents, I kind of feel like if your brat kids want pop, you can give them this and it's a safe middle ground. It's fruity enough for their sugar craving faces, but not filled with enough sugar that you don't have to empty your wallet, pocketbook, purse, fanny pack on both expensive, gourmet pop and dental expenses.

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EDIT: I found it. I knew I took a picture of it.

Most drinks are "moons" or "goochers." Either they are all one general ingredient, or they are another. Bolthouse takes superstitious omens very seriously so they started making a line that is four servings of fruits and four servings of veggies. It's an even split so you don't have to worry about wiping out in your car on Weed Hill in Durham.

To be fair this is mostly fruit, as is evident in the flavor. The only veggie contained is the purple carrot. It is the first ingredient though, so there is as much of that as there is every fruit combined. Luckily it doesn't show up much, if at all, in the flavor. It really is just the berries that stand out. A nice mixture of blackberries, raspberries and blueberries. You can make out each berry in the mixture, which I always appreciate.

You still have a long walk ahead of you, so you better get moving. Sing some songs. Make some jokes. You're young, with your friends and summer is almost over. Make the most of it.

For your viewing pleasure and enjoyment. I have drank and video'd my review for 7 Eleven's very own "Essence of Chicken." Watch the video and let me drink this for you.

So ginseng, we meet again. In the past you have bested me with your filthy potted soil taste. You have disguised yourself many times in energy drinks and I never noticed you, but when you're a major player it's all earthworms and rainwater. Barons has harnessed you for the use of good. The good of the apples. Apple soda is a great thing (well as long as it's not sour apple, then it just tastes like gross candy). In this soda Barons got a proper apple taste. Specifically that of a nice ripe green apple, which is the best apple in my humble opinion. Each sip is like biting into that apple. An apple that you would expect to taste dirty because of our old nemesis ginseng. Fear not this apple has been washed and dried thoroughly. Okay not dried. That makes no sense since this is a drink. Seriously though this reminds me a lot of the apple Tango drink that I got in the UK. I wonder if this will cause apple flavoring to seep from my taste buds in the morning like Tango did. So gross and disturbing, yet so awesome.

Whoppers, the candy the world loves to hate. You know they are gross, but when they are put in front of you, at least one needs to be tasted. It could happen once a week and I would still try them and then think to myself "oh yeah these things are gross." What is this strange power the Hershey company holds over us? Have the Pennsylvanian candy billionaires delved into the black arts? Are malt balls summoned demons in candy form? They sure taste that way. If it's true then this is those self same demons in soda pop form. This tastes like someone took a mild ginger beer and dissolved a whole bunch of the centers of whoppers in it. I don't like it, but I keep sipping on it for some reason. The demons have me in their grip.

Oh a non-demonic note I feel like this is what a lot of fancier beers tastes like as a base. I bet someone who was into that sort of thing would really be into this. I could be completely wrong, but that's how I feel and I demand you respect my emotions!

It's weird when a drink tastes exactly like the flavor it's supposed to be. Many times it's advertised to be something, but somewhere between the taste testers and the packaging department something went awry. Not with this Slap energy drink, it really tastes like a crisp apple with a slight green tea aftertaste. I'm glad it's not strong on the green tea because I am not a huge fan and was kind of dreading this drink for that reason.

This is a great energy drink because there's no gross taste to it. If you wouldn't have told me, I would have just thought it was an apple green tea soda. I wanted to write this review about someone slapping this can out of my hand and not caring, but I couldn't do it because it tastes too good.

I hate these damn kids who are trying to be vampires. I know people who work in banks are always afraid of being robbed, but who would have thought a blood bank would be robbed on a regular basis? Have there always been teenagers who want to be vampires? Bram Stoker wrote Dracula back in 1897 so they have been a part of popular culture for over 100 years. I obviously wasn't alive back then but I can only assume it inspired some kids to want to drink blood. The earliest vampire craze I can remember vividly is when Buffy: The Vampire Slayer came out but I was still delivering papers back then. Ever since these stupid Twilight books and movies have become popular, I've had at least 3 nerdy teenagers a week trying to steal blood while I work the overnight shift.

Luckily I've discovered something to outsmart them. Harcos Labs makes this Blood Energy Potion that looks just like a pouch of blood. I've started to hang them up in front of the real blood pouches so when the kids run in and grab them, they don't get the good stuff. The jokes on them because this stuff tastes like bubble gum that's been soaking in a cup of fruit punch. The high-energy content will also make them twitch. I can only hope that it solves the problem and these kids get a life.

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We originally reviewed this for a Halloween drink article we did for Auxiliary Magazine. To read the full article and to check out the awesome magazine go to http://auxiliarymagazine.com.

Margaret, I've grown tired of lemonade! I know we're in our twilight years and that we moved down to Florida where is perpetually sunny and way too hot, but there has to be other ways to beat the heat. For the past eight months that we've been here, you're been pouring the stuff down my throat on a daily basis. I know you've tried to spice it up by switching brands, but after awhile a tongue can only take so much lemon. It's gotten to the point where I feel the same about you bringing me out a glass of lemonade as I do with taking my pills. Margaret, don't bring up those pills, I'm trying to keep this conversation G rated.

Yes I know that nothing beats the heat like a Slurpie, but at my age can I really afford to drink that much sugar on a daily basis? You'd be mistaking me for Wilford Brimley in no time. Aren't there any other "ades" out there? I had some orangeade before, but that was just gross sugar water. If it was made with real oranges then I could see it being good. Does that exist Margaret? Not that you know of, huh? Now Margaret why would you say such a thing as "It's good we live in such a Latin part of the country"? Are you turning out to be racist after all these years? I thought I knew you. Oh you meant it because that way more stores would carry Cintron and they make a guava ade. Now that sounds delicious, but I think that may still be racist somehow. Now this guava ade, it's not just sugar water is it? I want it to taste like lemonade, but with guava replacing the lemon flavor. I also want it sweet, but as I said not overly sugary. Is that what it's like? Well I'm glad it's exactly what I wanted. Now let's take our Rascals down to the corner store and pick a few up. Try not to give any Puerto Ricans the stink eye. I've got my eye on you, you hate monger.

As of today I have officially crossed the line into abusing energy drinks territory. I'm not at a point (and don't think I ever will be) where I need them to get my day moving, like a coffee addict. No, today I was out of "quick" food in my house before work so I drank this energy drink as an appetite suppressant. That's the whole concept of diet pills, right? They are chock full of caffeine so you don't feel hungry. I learned that from Saved By the Bell, and if you are between the ages of 25 and 35 you probably did too.

I have to say it worked. I didn't feel hungry the entire time I was working. Job well done Sentinel. I must also point out that this was the lightest energy drink I've ever had. To the extent that it felt like I wasn't really drinking anything. The flavor is really, really mild citrus, and the sucralose is down so far in the list of ingredients that it tastes like you have a glass of soda water with both an orange and lime slice in it that someone put just a tad bit of artificial sweetener in it. Very strange indeed.


I was going to write some dumb story about the Sentinels from X-Men, but then I got ashamed of my abuse. Just pretend I wrote something about how crushing mutants is a hard job, and even robots need a little pick me up from time to time.

Your grandma rules. Make her cookies for once. Every time you go over there, she's up to something. Something delicious, not something maniacal. You're grandma who is capable of every baked good imaginable is not capable of even the slightest evil. You want cookies? Don't worry because she has some in the freezer that she made yesterday and if that's not good enough for you, you brat, she does have two different types in the oven as we speak. She also makes the best spaghetti, regardless of her heritage, known to man.

There is always some sort of pie there. Typically it's a cherry or an apple pie, complete with those nice, woven tops like you see in movies and in print. She doesn't do those lazy flat, plain tops with a couple holes so you know what kind of garbage pie it is. You grandma deal with quality. Your grandma is the Rolls Royce of cooking and baking. When it comes time to fall, she makes pumpkin pie and it's obviously delicious. She nails it every time and has never made a bad pie in her life. Upstate Farms has hired your grandma at a reasonable rate to spill her secrets into a plastic container because this stuff tastes like pumpkin pie and I'm not exaggerating. There are even little spice specs, a term I just coined that if anyone uses henceforth they owe me royalties, inside of the drink. It's delicious.

Throw your forks in the garbage, kiss your grandma on the cheek, and go get this. It's a limited time thing that might only be available in Upstate New York. Wash your forks and put them back in the silverware drawer. I don't know why I told you to throw your forks in the garbage. You don't need them for a drink, is what I was getting across. Then I tried to get you to help your grandma out because she already made you a large meal. There is no reason she should be doing your dishes, too, you ingrate.

Jamie, I will make you a strawberry milk. Please, just work on your homework and I'll make it. You've got that big science test tomorrow and have to study and do that math homework before you take a bath. I said I'd make you a strawberry milk.

Oh no. Oh no no no. Crud. Oh no. There is only enough milk for half of this strawberry milk. Crud. I've got to fill this glass or that brat kid is going to have a heart attack. What have I got in the fridge that I can put in here? Water? No, he'll know and that would be gross anyhow. Sprite? No, that would be too sweet and milk isn't carbonated. Coconut milk? Yeah, that will work. It's not transparent and actually, let me try this here, actually gives it a nice taste.

Jamie, we didn't have enough milk so I poured some coconut milk in there and before you freak out and throw the glass across the room like you did the last time, try it. I tried it before I brought it over here and it's actually pretty good. There you go. It's good right? What do you think? Yes, coconut milk. It's good right? Not too sweet and just enough of the coconut that it's not overbearing. Overbearing? It means "too much". See, you're learning science, math, and now English. See how much fun and educational hanging out with your mom can be? Nothing else. I didn't put anything else in there. It's just strawberry syrup and then half a glass of milk and half a glass of coconut milk. Yes, I can make them for you more often only if you can tell me what quarks are. You can't? Keep studying buddy.

Since Bob went away to school he constantly complains about juice. Whenever he bought some from the store it was always too sweet, and it hardly tasted like the fruits it was supposed to. It was far too processed. He was accustomed to walking around his families farm and plucking fruit right from the trees whenever he felt a pang of hunger. Also his uncles constantly made the best juices he had ever had. He missed those days, and was sick of his studies. He was just about to pack it in and move back to the farm when he got a package from his brother Walter. Enclosed was a mess of bottles of Walter's new juice blend. Two ingredients. Two wonderful ingredients. Apple juice and tart cherry juice were all that Walter put in those bottles. It doesn't need a single thing else and Water was smart enough to realize that. No sugar. No preservatives. All the world needs is pure juice. It tastes exactly like fresh fruit. Why would anyone want anything else? Bob certainly didn't, so he went on to get his degree in paranormal psychology.

Apparently I just drank history. After drinking this bottle, I decided to do a little research and I found out that Red Rock is one of the oldest carbonated beverages in the United States. It was founded in 1885 in Atlanta, Georgia. This probably is why it has a very classic cola taste to it. It's not trying to be fancy (despite the "premium" label), and it really works. If you like Pepsi Throwback, you'll love this.

The most interesting thing I found out was that Babe Ruth endorsed this soda. This is a big deal because this was the only product he ever personally endorsed in his lifetime. Look at this iconic poster and tell me it doesn't make you want to try it:

Dear Europe, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your "soda pops." I know a lot of Americans probably wouldn't like them, but to me that are what I want most of the time when I am hankering for a soda. While the American version of soda is thick, syrupy and overly sweet, you take things ta-other way. Yours are light and nice and bubbly. You understand that drinks don't need to drenched in sweetener to be enjoyable. Most of the time your sodas are closer to sparkling juice than American soda.

This is the lightest orange soda I've ever tasted. It also has actual orange juice in it, which is a major plus. It's not insanely orange juice tasting like Orangina, but it's in that vein. In a blind taste test I could tell you this was a European soda. It tastes somehow fresh. This has been the worst explanation of a soda ever, but that's what you get. Oggu has done it right, yet again.