About a decade ago Mike, a couple of other friends and myself would go to this crappy bar for "Metal Night." We weren't/aren't super into metal but our friends DJed it and it was something to do. Every week we went and every week about an hour or so in we would get bored and go get pizza and iced tea. Not any iced tea mind you but Fikes tea. It was a really cheap jug of tea that was actually really tasty. We would just kind of disappear from the bar every week and not tell anyone. When people would ask we would jokingly reply that we had a meeting of "Team Cool." That's really a pretty boring story, but it was fun times. The reason I tell you is that I believe Marburger Farms and Fikes to be the same company. The only places I ever found Fikes was in one gas station in Buffalo and one in Zelienople, PA (A terrifying town that is home to the Mercer Family). I'm sure you'll hear all about them at some point. The reason I think they are the same is that I would always stop at that gas station on my way to Pittsburgh to pick some up. When I went a couple of days ago Fikes was nowhere to be found but Marburger Farms was there in the same style bottles, with the same flavors. I don't know if there was a hostile takeover and to be honest I don't care. What I do care about is that this iced tea still exists.

There are a lot of "ghetto" iced teas out there. Most of them aren't fit to feed to swine. This tea is cheap and should be terrible, but it somehow turned out great. It's definitely more sugar water than tea, but it still has a somewhat tea flavor. They use instant tea powder instead of brewing it, which is normally a big no-no in my book, but again they somehow make it work. I think it helps that they actually use fruit juice in their flavoring instead of some weird chemicals. In case you were wondering "mountainberry" is Pennsylvanian for blackberry.

Cherries. Red gold. It is currently summer, also knows as the summer of sticker shock when you put a pound of delicious cherries in a bag, weigh them and get presented with a $32 price tag. I don't know why. Reason number 1 is because I don't work in the cherry industry, and two because I feel like I have seen like a trillion cherries on a tree and I just can't justify that absurd price. I'm cheap, that also doesn't help.

This drink brings the delightful taste of bing cherries to your fridge year round...kind of. The initial taste, like four seconds, is a lovely cherry taste. I'm not the master of cherries, and I don't claim to be, but it does taste like cherries, no doubt. Then Xylitol and Stevia kick in and ruin the party. They're like that duo of jerks that come to your party, bring beer, and somehow rip one of the couch cushions, getting you in trouble with your parents. You don't need that. I typically like what Stevia does for drinks, but this one doesn't make the cut.

Cherry lovers, this is still a drink for you. People who like cherries, "Cherry likers", give it a whirl. People apathetic about cherries; move on to something else, like therapy because cherries are pretty delicious.

About five years ago I was dating a girl who would later swindle me out of thousands of dollars and cheat on me, but before all that, we took a nice day trip to Toronto. We went to the mall where I think I bought her a dress/shirt thing that she loved at the time and when we got home, promptly didn't like. While we were leaving the mall, we stopped at a shoppe where they sold little things like newspaper, drinks, candy and that sort of thing. I was looking through the coolers of drinks, found one, purchased it, and took a walk out to my car where, I believe, I had a ticket on my car.

I didn't care. We had a pretty good day, got that dumb shirt/dress, got this sweet drink, and were headed home. I opened the drink, took a sip, and didn't know what was going on. It was my first aloe drink. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a clear, green bottle and with closer inspection, there were most defiantly chunks in it. I don't know the name of it, but I remember the taste and this can tastes just like it.

It's got an "original" aloe taste, which basically is like a green grape juice. It's not too sweet and the chunks are an average, but good size. They feel more natural than some of the aloe drinks I've had where they're giant but you almost question whether or not they are real, not that you care because face it, aloe drinks are fun. This can is just the right size for a single serving, too, and it was one dollar. For fun, Asian beverages, I will gladly spend $1.

Clearly you can guess that relation did not last. It went through every phase including denial, non-stop fighting, dislike, and the ever-popular "you don't make enough money to move out but we're broken up so I'm going to live with my girlfriend while I pay for this apartment" phase.

Dear TropiKing,
I found your aloe drink in a small Asian market near my house and was excited to try you. I love aloe and pomegranate so I thought this would be a winning combo. Man was I disappointed. For one, it barely tastes like pomegranate. Instead it tastes like a mediocre grape/apple juice. Secondly, the aloe chunks are way too small. As Jay said when I told him this, "go big or go home."

This is my 2nd time around with this energy shot. The first time I was testing it out to see if it was actually an "All Day" energy. Verdict: nope. About three hours after I drank it I was feeling a little tired. It worked well for a short period, but definitely not 'all day'.

Now the taste; kind of reminds me of sour berry cough syrup. It's not the worst energy shot I've had, but certainly not the best. Good thing it's small and the taste doesn't linger for too long.

I was pretty skeptical at first when I saw this bottle. I don't think I've ever seen a watermelon drink, let alone any juice that is completely clear. Then I took a look at the ingredients, the first two are purified water and organic cane sugar. When the first sign of juice is #3 on the ingredients list, I am weary, and rightfully so. This tastes like sugar water with a hint of watermelon flavor. I suppose this is good for people who want a light watermelon juice, but I'm not one of them. When I think juice, I want tons of flavor. This is like watermelon sugar water. No thank you.

Fighting dragons is hard work. I've been up until sunrise everyday this week protecting my village from them. My chain mail is starting to chafe my body. Have you ever worn chain mail for 5 days straight without changing? Let me tell you, it's not comfortable. I'd rather bathe myself down river from the latrine than have to wear chain mail this long. I'm out here all alone because no one else is willing to stand up to these dragons. Hold on, here comes another one now...

*20 minutes later*

Oh god, did see the size of those spikes? Brutal! He got my arm pretty good, pieced right through my armor. Oh man this smarts! You don't have any healing potion on you do you? Jones Potion of Healing? Hmmm, never heard of that brand. Is that the stuff that made William of Norwood go blind? Okay good, because I need my sight to fight dragons.

*Pours a little on his wound and then takes a sip*

Mmmm, not bad. Much better than the last healing potion I had. It tasted like dragon pee. How do I know what dragon pee tastes like? We'll leave that story for another time. This is much better than expected. It has a nice, but light, black cherry taste. What? It's sugar free too? I can taste that a little, but it's definitely better than most sugar free healing potions I've had before. Aside from the taste, I'm not sure how good of a healing potion this is. My arm is still bleeding pretty badly. I think I need to lie down for a minute. Wake me up if any more dragons come.

Lime. That is what I 100% expected from this soda. From that statement you can probably gather that I was wrong. This actually ended up being one of the least likely flavors I could imagine; bubble gum.

Let's start this off by saying I normally think bubble gum pop is fairly disgusting. It reminds me too much of the fluoride the dentist used to use on me when I had braces. On first sip I was shocked and put off by the flavor. Seeing as it's a million degrees out and I was dying of thirst I took another swig and I tasted something familiar. This tastes 100% exactly like Bazooka Joe gum. It's like someone took a ray gun to the gum and it became carbonated liquid. It's so strange, but I can't help but like it. I feel like I should buy a bottle for any and all ten year olds in my life.

I just have two questions. 1. Why is it green? 2. Where is my comic strip?

Welcome to the annual American Academy of Taste championship race. We have five strong energy drink competitors but only one can take home the gold. And we're off! Red Bull takes an early lead with Monster trailing behind and Rockstar in third. Red Bull's legs are already getting weak and Monster sneaks into first. Oooooh! Rockstar trips around the 2nd bend and is down and out which gives Amp the 3rd place spot. Monster has a big lead coming into the third turn, but what's this? Go Fast Sports is quickly catching up to the pack. He was in 4th place the whole race so far we almost forgot he was racing. He over takes Amp and Red Bull on the 3rd turn and is on the heels of Monster. This is going to be close. They are neck and neck! The crowd is going wild, who's it going to be!? Wow! That was too close to call. We have to go to the instant replay. And the judges say.....Go Fast Sports is the winner!!!! What a surprising turn of events seeing as no one had heard of Go Fast Sports at the beginning of this race.

I have never heard of the American Academy of Taste, but apparently they awarded this drink a Gold Metal in Superior Taste. I don't really understand what their criterion is or why they would do such a thing. Don't get me wrong this is much better than a lot of energy drinks. It has that melted sugary candy taste (this time it's sweet tarts) that I've come to love in energy drinks. Other than that, it's nothing special. It still has that usual energy drink aftertaste. As far as the energy portion goes, it definitely works. I was feeling a little sleepy before I opened the can and now I'm awake and ready to celebrate Thirsty Tuesday.

I don't know what I expected. "Rock & Rye" doesn't describe anything to me, but it's something and I had to drink it. Editor Dan went to Detroit for a photo excursion and generously brought us back a plethora of drinks, this being one of them. "It's original" they say. "It's with cane sugar" they exclaim. You know what I say? It's not great. It's cream soda as a base, and then something...something bitter, something...cherry?

Not for me. I am sure that some people like it, and more power to them, but if I want a bitter, I'll drink a bitter. This probably has a niche market that loves it and drinks cases of it a day and weighs 353 pounds and eats double Whoppers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when they should only have a regular, mom and pop Whopper for lunch. Not for me.

Mike's baby mama has gotten into "extreme couponing." Okay, she's more than just his baby-mama; she's his "live in girlfriend." Okay, they own a house together, have a kid and are as happy as two people who have a screaming five-month-old baby can be. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that she used her newfound magic to get like 30 bottles of these for free. The thing is that Mike never let me know, so I went out and bought a few bottles like a chump.

I know everyone is complaining about it, but it is obscenely hot out. It got up to 91 degrees in Buffalo today. I know to a lot of other areas that probably sounds like a joke, but I am in no way accustomed to the heat and the humidity is the worst. I also spent way too long in an attic today that easily broke 100. I really need to put a thermometer up there to find out for sure. Due to this heat/humidity my normally obscene beverage intake is even higher.

I opened this bottle to have just a glass to cool my down. Now it's all but gone. It's spectacular. The lemonade is tart without having too much of a cheek pinch to it. It would be top grade lemonade to begin with, but the mango is the real gem in here. The flavor is so strong and wonderful. It tastes like I mixed a glass of outstanding lemonade with a glass of
Looza mango juice. It definitely helped cool me down. I think I may need another bottle though. I'm sweating just typing this.sweating just typing this.

Yesterday I went on a boat. I am not good at boats. I took some Dramamine in hopes that it would eliminate my sickness but the seas were rough that day, my friend. Up and down and up and down. I tried that trick where you look at the horizon but it was to no avail. I was feeling ill and no amount of worthless medicine could help. If anything, the Dramamine made me nothing but tired and antisocial. In retrospect, I would have rather not taken the medicine, thrown up, and been done with it. Atop of that, we decided to bring Max, my ever pleasant/jerk son who decided to cry half the time.

Here we are, post boat, and I feel awful. My head is spinning and I can't do anything about it, but I hate taking medicine and refuse. I really don't know why I took that Dramamine. I need something to fix me. I reached for some Body Armor in hope that it can truly "prevent and protect" me from any further feelings of disgust.

I was surprised to see that coconut worked his pasty white face into this drink. I couldn't taste him (gross) but he was in the mix. There are also a handful of vitamins and minerals to keep you "right" but I didn't get a lot of either cranberry or citrus. Maybe a little of each, but not enough to really call it "Cranberry Citrus". Had they just called "Prevent + Protect" that would have been different because I wouldn't go in expecting anything.

The taste isn't bad but you know that there is something in there that is good for you because the flavor isn't that of a juice. Maybe that's coconut man rearing his head, blending with tasty things and mixing them all up. It a bold, fruity flavor but don't expect a juice because you couldn't be more wrong.

My headache is still here and this drink didn't do anything except quench my thirst. You know what cures headaches? Sleep. You know what doesn't cure headaches? Blaring SikTh's "Death of a Dead Day", which is what I'm doing now.

When I was a young kid one of my favorite summer activities was to go to amusement parks. That really shouldn't be a shock because what kid doesn't love rides, games and awesome junk food? There were three different parks within an hour from Buffalo; Darien Lake (later became a six flags), Fantasy Island (always seemed smaller and kind of run down) and my favorite, Crystal Beach.

Crystal Beach was a twenty-minute ride across the border into Canada right on Lake Erie. I think it was always my favorite because it had everything that normal amusement parks had, plus it had it's own awesome beach with a rad pier. It also had one of the greatest roller coasters I have ever ridden, The Comet. You could ride it forwards or backwards. It was sheer magic to a little kid.

The other great thing to come from Crystal Beach is the regional drink Loganberry. It is a very thick juice that is a mixture of blackberries and red raspberries. It's so thick that it's almost like an uncarbonated soda. As a kid I absolutely loved the stuff. It was typically sold in glasses that were dispensed from those giant clear machines that constantly mixed the drinks. If I had any idea what they were called I would post a picture.

As an adult it's a bit thick to drink on any sort of regularity. Drinking it every once and a while definitely brings back fond memories. Like the time I won a giant stuffed Nerd (you know the guys on the candy box). Unfortunately the park closed down in 1989. I can't believe it was that long ago. Now it is just condos. I still go to that beach sometimes. The dilapidated boardwalk is sitting there in pieces waiting for kids to jump off the end into the deep water. I think I need to do that soon.

Dad, can you hand me a root beer? What, how are you out of root beer? I guess you got a point there. It's kind of hard not to drink Dad's Root Beer when you are the dad. You made something besides root beer? A cream soda? I wasn't expecting that. I could see Dad's Birch Beer or Dad's Sarsaparilla, but I never thought you'd make Dad's Cream Soda. Sure, I'll try one.

Wait, why is this blue? Who ever heard of Blue Cream Soda? It looks like windshield washer fluid. Hmmm, it doesn't smell like chemicals. Bottoms up! Oooh, that's a nice smooth cream soda. Good work Dad! It reminds me a lot of the Crush Soda Mousse. It has a nice cotton candy and vanilla taste to it.

This goes to show you just because a company is known for one kind of pop, doesn't mean they can't make other quality flavors/varieties.

Welcome back to the World Series of Soda Pop. We've had an exciting game thus far and we're now in the bottom of the ninth and team Ginger Beer winning against Root Beer 14 to 11.

First up to bat we have Stewarts. Oh he just barely makes it to first on a bunt. Who on Earth bunts when no one is on base? I guess that's Stewarts. Now approaching the plate is Virgils. It's a fly ball out into left field! Virgils brings it in with a double. We now have Stewarts on third and Virgils on second and Barqs is up to bat. Strike One! He seems a little rattled, but let's see how he does on this next pitch. Oh it's a ground ball right to the third baseman. Virgil's not going anywhere, but at least the bases are now loaded. Cooperstown is stepping up to the plate and he's pointing to the stands. This is a root beer that talks a big game and he's looking for a grand slam to win this game for Root Beer. Here's the first pitch. Strike One! Oh man he didn't even swing at it. He's literally shrugging it off. He looks totally bored out there. The pitcher is winding up. Strike Two! Cooperstown was actually leaning back on his bat for that one. The nerve of this guy! It all boils down to this pitch. The runners seem pretty confident and are taking fairly decent leads off the bases. The pitch is thrown and Cooperstown makes contact, although the ball looked like it got hit by a 6 year old. It was a fly ball that went directly into the second baseman's mitt. He then tagged Virgil's out at third. It seems like Stewarts didn't realize that the ball was caught and before he could get back to third the ball was thrown to Goya and that's three outs ladies and gentleman. Ginger Beer Wins the Pennant! Ginger Beer Wins the Pennant! Cooperstown really screwed the pooch on this one ladies and gentleman. He was cocky because he was named after the baseball hall of fame. The thing he didn't realize was that he actually tastes like watered down store brand root beer. Acidic and lacking much flavor. Ladies and gentleman not only did he cause Root Beer to lose the World Series, but he also may be the worst root beer I have ever tasted.

In recent news, the unsweetened tea world has been turned on its ear recently by newcomer Sokenbicha. When Sokenbicha first arrived on the tea scene no one took much notice. It sat on the shelves in its quasi-fancy bottle gathering dust as it was overlooked for Teas Tea. Then one daring individual took a chance during a sale and the tea world has never been the same. Never has such a richly flavored unsweetened iced tea made so many moves in such a short time.

The company knows that flavor is just as important as no sugar, and they make their ingredients count. Most companies treat their unsweetened teas as bare bones. Water and tealeaves with nothing else added. Sokenbicha sees the folly in that and in this particular flavor they add barley, rice, cinnamon and ginger. The result is truly phenomenal. The taste is primarily a nice smooth tea mixed with what tastes like puffed rice. Added to that are the slightest aftertastes of ginger and cinnamon. It is truly a drink to write back to the small town you grew up in and brag about to those who are destined to die never leave.

This drink is so good and natural tasting that I feel like there should be halved guavas floating in it. It basically tastes like someone walked out into the jungle, collected a bushel of guavas, returned home, got their blender out from the bottom cupboard, put a little water in it, added the 467 guavas they picked and drizzled in a dash of agave nectar and pureed the hell out of it. Then because they aren't the world's greatest roommate they left the blender on the counter unwashed for a couple of days and let the fruit flies build up in numbers until their forces were strong enough to conquer the entire house, which then had to be evacuated and fumigated. Was that delicious guava drink really worth all of the trouble? Yes it was, but since you can get basically the same thing in a bottle of Coba, why don't you take it easy on your roommates?

You drink stuff with chunks in it? That's gross? What's gross about it? Well, it has chunks in it, for one. Seems like something went wrong if you're drinking something that has chunkified on itself. The chunks are from aloe? The plant? Gross. Who drinks plants? Yeah, I guess tealeaves are from a plant, too, but that's different because there aren't any chunks in it. I like a nice, clean drink; free of all pulps, curds, chunks, and seeds.

Yeah, actually some of that sounds good, lemon, honey, and aloe, but there you go again with that aloe. It doesn't have chunks? Alright, you know what? For you I'll try it. Hmm, that's pretty good. Let me give this another go. It's good. It tastes like lemonade with a little extra kick. Maybe it's lemonade with honey, but like honey off one of those cool honey dippers. No, not honey dipper like that dude that goes to your weird aunt's house and gets the poop out of her poop tank. Those cool honey dippers like the one that they use on the cover of the Honey Bunches of Oats box. I can taste the aloe and it's great because there aren't any chunks getting in my way.

See, this is what I'm talking about. I don't know why you drink all that stuff. This is a nice, foreign drink that doesn't make me want to puke. Get that grass jelly drink out of my face! Where do you get this stuff?!

I had high hopes for this drink. Zico has had a good track record so far and made us Thirsty Dudes give coconut water another shot. On top of that, pomegranate is one of my favorite fruits. Both are fairly tropical so I figured this would be a good combo, right?

Meh. I wouldn't go as far as saying it's a bad combo, but it's not amazing. This has more of a coconut water flavor, but not a whole lot pomegranate (or berry) flavor to it. There is a slight fruit after taste, but not as much as I would have hoped. This is still one of the best coconut waters I've had, but when something is flavored I assume it's going to be a strong flavor and not just a hint.

When I told Mike and Jay I found this can for 60 cents at Big Lots, they wished me lucked. Unbeknownst to me, Jay had previously reviewed a mango drink from the same company and it wasn't anything to write home about. I was hoping since this was an iced tea it might be better, but nope, not at all. This is pretty generic tasting lemon iced tea. There is nothing special about this except for the can. For cheap iced tea, I'll be sticking with Arizona tall boys.