Mr. Coconut, why are you smiling like that? Are you hiding something from me? Really? You're not going to talk? You're just going to stare at me with that creepy smile? Great...

Before we crack you open Mr. "Creepy Smile" Coconut, I'm going to read what's on the back of you. Apparently inside you is "Sparking & Functional Coconut Water". The functional part is a little intriguing. It says you are functional in three ways: Replenish, Repair, and Revitalize. I'll take your word on those, I'm more interested in how you taste.

I can't believe you still have that creepy smile on your face. You know I'm about to open you up and drink what's inside you right? Fine. Be that way. I've never tasted sparkling coconut water before; this is a first for me. I must say that I really like it. It's light and refreshing and has a green tea aftertaste. Despite your creepy smile Mr. Coconut, you are one hell of a drink!

Today ended up being pretty glorious. My ladyfriend and I went on a bit of a bike ride. When I got home my roommate informed me that he was going to the 42nd Puerto Rican Greased Pole Festival. I said "Wait....whaaaaaaat?" and jumped back on my bike and rode to downtown-ish. This festival was fairly small, but if I was a meat eater I believe I would have been in heaven. I have to admit all the food looked amazing. Then it began. The Greased Pole Climb. Four teams of five members had to build a human totem pole by climbing up each other on a pole that looked like it had used motor oil slathered all over it. It was downright hysterical. Only one team made it all the way to the top of the telephone pole to grab the prize at the top. Everyone involved was completely covered in grease and I laughed a lot and didn't understand a word the announcer said because it was all in Spanish.

By the time I got back home after all of that I was pretty beat, but we were meeting some friends for dinner, so Natalie and I split this bottle of Hydrive. We both needed a little pick-me-up, but didn't want to get all crazy. What we drank is essentially a Vitamin Water-esque drink with some energy drink style additives. As Neuland pointed out it's strange to have non-carbonated energy drinks. It's even weirder when those words are printed on the bottle. This tasted exactly like grape Popsicles. It's not something I normally look for in a drink, but since it was very hot and humid today, it seemed sort of fitting. This also has aloe vera and acai in it and it's supposed to help speed up recovery time from a night on the town or some such thing. I don't know if that's true, but I bet a bunch of people at that festival could use some of this tomorrow morning.

This drink is an anomaly. First off, it's a non-carbonated energy drink. This used to be a rarity, but they are becoming more and more popular lately. Secondly, it's made up of 100% juice. Could it be an energy drink that's actually good for you? Who would have ever thought that would be real? Third, the color on the logo is purple, so you assume this would be a grape drink, or at least purple in color right? Nope, it's bright green.

You know in the movie Role Models where they are peeing in the school bathroom after drinking all those Minotaur Energy Drinks? To quote Paul Rudd, “It looks like Shrek's piss”. That is EXACTLY what color this drink is. Not necessarily a bad thing, just weird.

Just like the original flavor of Rumba, this is a really good tasting drink. It mostly tastes like juice (a mix of apple in grape in my opinion), with a hint of energy drink taste. I think most people would think this is just juice if they were given a blind taste test. Good stuff!

Thank you for choosing the Journey travel agency. We offer many getaways all over the world. Did you have a specific destination in mind or were you still unsure where you wanted to vacation? Thailand? That is a wonderful choice. I'm sorry to tell you that our agency does not book any activities that involve the sex trade though. I'm sorry sir. Please don't be upset. I understand there are many wonders of Thailand, but to be perfectly honest 99% of our customers who want to go there give me the creeps. The things they say they want to experience give me the shivers. I do believe I have exactly what you're looking for though. Yes sir that is a bottle of soda. I've been told it's the essence of Thailand condensed into a single bottle. It has a strong lemon flavor, which is due to lemon juice, lemongrass and lemon verbena extract. Those Thai folks sure love their lemon. To balance things out there is some ginger thrown into the mix. Yes sir, I agree it tastes like someone mixed a lemonier 7Up into a ginger beer. I would actually say it was more like a Greek soda mixed with ginger beer.

I'm glad you enjoyed your trip sir. That will be $4983.72. Sir I don't know what kind of establishment you thought this was, but we try to give people the experience of going to a foreign country in soda form. What do you mean you won't pay it? Didn't you see the waiver when you came in? Don't make me call Billy-Bobby out from the back room! He doesn't take kindly to people who skip out on their bills.

What to say? What to say? You know what I could say, but I don't want to say it. How can I say this positively...it tastes good? There is no doubt about that. It one-ups Gatorade because it uses real sugar. Hey, remember when people spread the rumors that drinking Gatorade puts holes in your teeth? I guess, in theory, it's correct because cavities are just holes, but I think that my mom still thinks that drinking enough Gatorade will make your teeth look like Swiss cheese. Anyhow, I'll just say it.

This tastes like Gatorade. It's to be expected. The flavor is good, it's quenching, and it's in a large enough bottle that you can drink it for a couple days, or if your irresponsible, one day.

Have you or a loved one been drinking Gatorade for years and want a change? Here you go. It's all-natural, just as quenching, and a name that you're already familiar with? Good deals.

Here is a story that may make you think that I was once and possibly still am a savage. In the early 2000's I started my life in touring bands. At the time I was completely broke, but all I wanted to do was tour as much as I could. As a result I rarely ate. After my first month tour I came home and I had lost over 15 pounds. My mom said I looked like a skeleton. I see it as worth it. I spent that entire tour eating basically nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We had a cooler in the van that had a bottle of barbeque sauce in it along with my PB&J. It created a very unique smell. It was so strange. In those adventures I always had Welch's grape jelly. There really is no point to telling that story other than I had a cooler in a van that I lived in that reeked of Welch's grape jelly, peanut butter and barbeque sauce and that is kind of gross.

This is my first go at a Welch's non-grape drink although it does have grape juice in it. Would there be an impending lawsuit if there weren't? I was expecting this to be a very bland generic fruit drink, but you can actually make out all three of the fruit flavors. It's mostly grape and blueberry, but there is an aftertaste of kiwi, which is pretty rad. I can't say that I would drink this very often, as I tend to pick juices that don't have added sugar in them, but in a pinch this works just fine.

Oh yeah I finally found a use for that barbeque sauce. I would up getting a bunch of veggie chicken patties that I would put on the dashboard to defrost/warm them up. Slathered in barbeque they were a little bit of okay.

Pirates are famous for many things; pillaging, plundering, raping, parrots, scurvy and eye patches. I'd like to think that in their heyday they ruled the seven seas with a wooden leg. They set fear into the hearts of every man, woman and child that set foot onto a boat. Through all that there is one thing they never got a firm grasp on: root beer. It's a little known fact that the primary objective of all pirates was to acquire premium ingredients to brew the world's greatest root beer. Unfortunately for them their lack of vitamin c got the best of them and all they created was mediocrity in the beverage world.

Dead Red Root Beer is decent but that's about as far as it goes. It's similar to Barqs in flavor. That may be because this is the only other root beer (besides G33K B33R) that I know of that has caffeine in it. I was expecting this to be special and have that classic Skeleteens burn to it. It did not. I also really thought it was going to be red due to the name, but it's normal caramel root beer colored. Also how awesome would it have been if it were cherry root beer? Why don't companies make different varieties like they do with colas?

The potential for these Kahe drinks was through the roof. An all-natural kiwi soda sounded like a dream come true. I've always wanted a bottle of straight kiwi juice, almost as much as I want a bottle of cantaloupe juice. I don't think either is destined to happen though.

They started this off right. They took some carbonated water and added a bunch of kiwi juice concentrate to it. I'm pretty sure they could have stopped right there and I would have loved this drink. Sure it wouldn't have been overly sweet, but it would have been enough for me and it would have tasted like fruit. Instead of quitting while they were ahead Kahe decided to add a low calorie sweetener, or two to be exact. I'm all for low cal drinks. I completely understand that this country has a severe sugar problem. I suffer from it myself. I also salute stevia for being one of the only "diet" sweeteners that I can really stand. The problem with it is that it can be overpowering if there's not much else to cover it up. Since this was just water and juice the stevia and xylitol completely took over the flavor of the drink. It tastes like it's 2 parts sweetener to every one-part juice. As a result the wonderful kiwi flavor becomes hidden and you have to search it out underneath the added sweetness and the drink drops in ratings.

When someone serves me an unsweetened tea I expect it to be tea brewed in water and nothing else. Sure it's bitter, but that is the whole point of drinking unsweetened. I want it to taste real. Arizona did not meet my expectations. They decided to throw in a few other ingredients. Mainly honey, natural bisulfate of soda and vitamin c. The result is a cheap tasting tea that really doesn't do anything for me.

I suppose if you were used to drinking overly sweetened teas and your doctor told you that you needed to cut down your sugar intake this would make the transition to unsweetened teas less of a shock to your system. It just doesn't taste right to me though.

Master. I obey you. I will attend to your every request. I will wait on you hand and food. Master, what do you mean that's not necessary? Of course it is. Your name is Master Kong, right. I'm not barking up the wrong tree. I saw the name with vinyl graphics on the door clearly state that your name was Master Kong. Since you're the only person in here and you're not cleaning up like some sort of maintenance man, I can only assume that you are Master Kong, my master.

I'm sorry, what? You're not my master? Did your parent's name you that? I've got to say, it's pretty rad. Can I get up off the floor? My knees are hurting from bowing to you for the last twenty minutes. Thanks, Master. Can I call you, Kong? Since you're not my master, I don't really feel right calling you Master any more. It's like someone called "Daddy" who I have to call by his name who isn't my daddy. It's strange.

I walked by something earlier and it said you were the Master of tea. That's a strong statement. You make tea? Can I try some? Thanks. Holy crap...you are indubitably the master of tea. This is delicious. It's sweet, a little bitter, and clearly sweetened with honey. It's so light that you can taste everything you put in here. You, sir, are a wonderful and worth of your name. I'll take a case of it, a big case. Oh, that's too big. I drive an Isetta.

I was not prepared for this tea. I expected a bitter unsweetened tea. While there is no sugar added to this, it is far from bitter. The little story on the bottle tells me that the Oolong tea has notes of raspberry and pomegranate. They definitely give the tea a slight fruit flavor and overpower the bitterness. The rose hips and pedals that are listed in the ingredients also give this the faintest of floral. I'm honestly shocked at how good this is. It's definitely going to become my go-to unsweetened tea. I only wish that it was available in bigger bottles for home consumption.

I really should hate these drinks. They are loaded with sucralose and have a diety/chemical taste to them. Basically they are diet energy drinks that are supposed to help you burn more calories. I don't know if it's just the normal energy drink ingredients that help you burn calories because you are all hyped up, or if there is something else involved. With all of that being said, I somehow don't hate them. There is something alluring about these drinks. This one in particular is kind of decent. It taste like iced tea and energy drink mixed together with a whole bunch of fake sugar. If someone was used to diet drinks I think this would actually be pretty good to them. I can vouch for the fact that they do give you energy and a bit of the jitters as an added bonus.

Listen Cindy, I know you really wanted to have a lemonade stand today, but the truth of the matter is you plumb used up all of the lemons in the house yesterday. All we have left is a handful of limes that your stuck up older sister uses in her Mojitos. I don't think those would be what you want. I've been meaning to ask you, what did you do with eight dozens lemons? I'm catering a party for the Shemkovitz's this weekend and you know how they love lemons in their water. Yes I know you made lemonade to sell, but what did you do with the rest of them? You sold it all and you now have $137? Wow! People said they would be back today for more? Well I guess we better give these limes a go then! Hmmm. This actually isn't bad. It's really tart, but it tastes exactly like it should; lemonade with limes instead of lemons. No I don't think we should add more sugar. The tartness has a charm to it. You're sister is going to be so mad at us for using her limes. Hopefully your customers will love it. Oh honey your father wanted me to ask you if you knew where his records went. You what!?!?! You gave them away with the lemonade?!?!? Do you know how much some of those early 45's were worth? Looks like someone isn't going to college anymore.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I watched one episode of Miami Vice and I think that I could wear shoes and no socks like Don Johnson. It's not like I'm going to wear trainers and just sweat up the joint. I'm going to wear loafers or something. Obviously I've got to do some research into what Mr. Johnson wore. I mean, what a cool dude and what a classic look and summer? Come on. Who wants to wear socks anyhow?

While I'm walking around, wearing no socks and some killer loafers, I would most definitely be slurping on this can of Xing green tea with lemon because it's wonderful. It's a great mixture of flavors through and through. You can taste the green tea first and then, when you're done swallowing, you get a really good lemon taste. There's Arizona lemon tea, and that's all well and good, but this is something that you can tell Don Johnson about.

Hey, Don! You might want to give this a try. It's good. Oh, you don't know who this is? It's Mike from Thirsty Dudes. Thirsty Dudes? It's a drink review site. You still don't know? That's alright. Hey, two things...what do you think of this tea? It's great, right? Second, what shoes did you wear in that episode of Miami Vice where your God kid's dad, your friend from 'Nam was into all that bad stuff? They looked comfortable. Wait, Don...where are you going?

Tommy, want to see something cool? My dad was in the army and I was snooping around his garage yesterday and found a grenade! It's a little smaller than I expected it to be, but they always make things look bigger in movies. What do you mean it's not a real grenade? So what if there are words on it? I just figured there are different models of grenades, just like guns. It's all about advertising and brand recognition.

Oh, I didn't see the ingredient list on the back. Wait, so this is an energy drink? And this is just a plastic wrapper that looks like a grenade? Man I feel like an idiot. It looks so lifelike though. Want to open it? No, I don't think it's going to blow up because the flavor is “fruit blast”. Why would they make an explosive energy drink? That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Have you ever had an energy shot before Tommy? No? Well, they usually taste gross. Imagine the taste of an energy drink condensed into a couple tablespoons. You're supposed to just chug them, hence why they are called “energy shots”. This one isn't too bad actually. It has a fruit punch taste to it. Yes Tommy, I know you love Hawaiian Punch. Come on Tommy, you don't need to show me your…€¦. okay, that Hawaiian Punch tattoo is actually pretty cool. Too bad this doesn't taste like Hawaiian Punch.

The whole time I was drinking this, I kept being tempted to throw it. It's just the perfect size to grip. Given that the packaging looks like a grenade, who wouldn't want to throw it?

Flax Seed...everyone's talkin' 'bout it. It's supposed to do just about everything which makes it sound like either witchcraft or one of those medicinal remedies that some man on a stage sold you at a fair in 1940. In short, flax seed is supposed to:

• They contain high levels of fiber, lignans, and omega-3 fatty acids


• May lower cholesterol levels


• Help with certain types of breast and prostate cancers


• May stunt the growth of prostate tumors


• May also lessen the severity of diabetes by stabilizing blood-sugar levels


• laxative (poopin')

What it does to iced tea though is strange. It turns an otherwise delicious drink into a kind of unsatisfying, slightly viscous green tea. You can tell that the flavors that you know and love are there, and it's got some decent health factors, although you'd probably have to drink three bottles a day for a month to see any results.

It's not bad and if you need any of that stuff, this is a good, natural alternative to medicine, which I condone to the fullest extent. If you are just a Joe Averageman looking for an iced tea, you'll want something else.

Wegmans is our local grocery store, and it is the best grocery store I have ever set foot in. Seriously it blows everything else away. The selection is great, the prices are low and they even have a burrito bar that has tofu in it. Pure gold. On top of the store itself being incredible their store brand is as good as if not better than most brand names.

So the other day I'm in Wegmans getting myself one of those previously mentioned burritos and I decided I wanted something carbonated, but I didn't want soda. I just couldn't deal with that much sugar at the moment. I walked to the beverage aisle and I saw that they had these as a new product. I happily grabbed a four pack and made my way to the cashier with burrito in tow. I was expecting this to be a little on the seltzery side, but holy crap is it amazing. It's nothing but juice and carbonated water, but it tastes like one of the best pops you'd ever have. There's no sugar added to this, but it's still naturally nice and sweet. Luckily it was to a level I could handle that day. It tastes like a great blend of mango and orange juice with pineapple controlling the entire ordeal.

This four pack is already gone and I can't wait to try the other flavors. If you're lucky enough to have a Wegmans in your area, don't sleep on this juice.

Dear companies that produce watermelon flavored drinks,

I wholeheartedly believe that most of you have never tasted the juice of a watermelon. In fact I'd wager that 50% of you have never even been in the same room as the mighty fruit. I believe this because you're drinks taste nothing like actual watermelon. It's like sometime in the 90's Jolly Rancher came up with a flavor of candy that they decided to call watermelon and every drink company since then has assumed that is what watermelon tastes like out in the wild. Yes the wild. Apparently you also didn't know that watermelons only grow in the most distant valleys of the rainforest, protected by an army of deadly half snake half woman. Yes there are three halves. They are that dangerous.

Please take note and order yourself an actual watermelon for your scientists to mimic. I mean this is perfectly fine, but it tastes like candy, not like a fruit and I really, really wanted this to taste like the fruit.

The world of non-carbonated energy drinks is still new to me. I'm not against them, they're just relatively new to the world and I'm still getting used to them. There have been some amazing ones, like the Monster Rehab, which make me optimistic for Hydrive.

There are a lot of things unique to this drink. For one, it's in a tall plastic bottle, which is uncommon with energy drinks. Plus, it's basically a vitamin...I'm sorry, 'enhanced' water with energy ingredients in it. As for the taste, not bad, but not amazing. The black cherry flavor is strong, and almost has a medicinal quality to it. It doesn't taste like an energy drink, which is always a good thing, but it's a lot heavier than other vitamin waters. This is definitely a good alternative to traditional carbonated energy drinks.

All three of us have reviewed a guava drink today; so let it be known that July 6th, 2011 will now be known as Guava Day. I, for one, welcome our new guava overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted blog personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

They have bestowed onto me a bottle of guava nectar to sample. I don't think I've ever had a guava nectar drink and I must say it's quite good. It's not as thick as other nectars I have had, but that's a good thing. I often find nectar to be way too thick and hard to drink. This is the consistency of a juice/nectar mix and it's perfect.

**Disclaimer: this review was in no way influenced, edited, or forced by the almighty guava overlords.**