I'm on tour with my friend's Night Birds right now. It's been ridiculous and fun. Joe from the band is trying to cut down on soda, and complained about how he hated diet pop. I bought this can of Zevia so he could taste how diet pop could be. Unfortunately he was not a convert. He admitted that it was the best tasting diet cola he ever had, but that it still wasn't good enough for what he needed. Well diet soda isn't for everyone. Looks like he's just going to have to cut down his intake.

To me this doesn't taste diet at all. It tastes like a very light flavored generic cola. While that may not sound appealing to most, it is way more appealing than something drenched in aspartame. Well done, Zevia.

What exactly is the difference between black cherries and the run of the mill kind? Are they just riper, or is it a whole different style of fruit? I love regular cherry flavored things, but I'm never a huge fan of black cherry....until now. This really turned me around. I think it's because it's straight up juice and carbonated water. No sugar added. There's some apple juice in the mix as well, which is noticeable in the taste. If all black cherry were like this I would be a converted man.

All week I've been gardening. I filled two giant city garbage totes with scraps of ugly rose bush shrapnel, weeds, old perennials that never really came to fruition, and rocks that someone who lived in my house before me thought was a compliment and not just annoying. Have you ever tried to take one thousand small rocks out of dirt? It blows. Today I finished weeding my whole backyard; weed treated and then laid down a layer of weed blocker. My soil is shot and it needed to be tilled like you wouldn't believe. Not to mention that it hasn't rained in a week, which I'm not complaining because I'm living the wettest summer that this city has ever seen. I don't mean that dramatically, I mean that almanatically. I planted peppers, strawberries, brussel sprouts, and as you can see in the picture, a little jelly bean plant. I saw this guy and had to buy it. I don't have the greenest thumb, but with a succulent, you have a bit of give.

So with all of this going on, and me not having a servant that would bring me a cool glass of water, I decided to go through my stock and grab something that would be both quenching and have a purpose. I picked this Activate drink up not too long ago and it was the perfect drink for the day.

Yes, its intended purpose is for workout, but seriously go to a Curves and look around. Would you say that me hand tilling, digging, planting, lifting buckets of dirt, and just general yard work is more or less than putting the treadmill on "turtle" and watching "The View"? More, right? So I don't need to necessarily "workout" to drink this now, do it?

I liked it a lot. It was a good, genuine lime flavor. The Stevia did a great job of letting that shine through. It really was nothing more than a sweetened lime flavored water. It was a bit "from powder" or "from concentrate" but I'm not holding that against them because it was. I saw it. I made it. I liked it.

I have never had such a clear view of what I expected a drink to taste like in my mind as I had with the contents of this bottle. I pictured a serrated knife cutting into a whole orange with little sprays of juice spewing forth. The smell of the rind lays heavy in the air. Then a few leaves of basil are plucked from a plant. They are sliced up and laid on the orange slices. I could smell and taste it before I even opened the bottle. I couldn't wait to try it.

When I opened the bottle the scent of oranges greeted my nostrils, but the basil was only faintly there. The taste was about the same. It was strongly orange, with faint hints of basil. I really wanted there to be an extremely strong herbal flavor, but you can't get everything you want in the beverage world.

This is made by Bolthouse Farms and it's like a more natural version of Vitamin Water. It tastes really good, but the name led me to expectations that were never met.

I love when I go into what appears to be a run down corner store and it ends up being a beverage Mecca. At first I walked in and saw one lone cooler filled with the usual suspects of crappy soda. Then I noticed they inexplicably had five rows of Hansen's pomegranate. Strange. I turned the corner and the store opened up fairly large with two full walls of coolers. Excellent.

They had the largest selection of Jarritos I had ever seen. Who can say no to pineapple? Not me, that's who. Unfortunately it wasn't a strong flavor. It had a general sweet soda flavor with a hint of pineapple citrus flavor. I like my pineapple strong and Jarritos didn't follow through for me. Shame on you!

Gentlemen, thank you for staying late this evening. As you know our new energy line goes to the bottling plant in the morning. Yes Johnson I know they are going to be in cans, but saying cannery sounds like we're talking about tuna, and I can assure you all that fish will not come into play here. The reason we are all here is because we have the cans designed with terrible Olde English typeface and all, but we have an empty space on the cans for our celebrity endorsement. We were sure we'd have someone by now, but Michael Jordan and ZZ Top have not returned my calls. Shocking, I know. So gentleman, unless one of you has a famous cousin we need to think of something else. How about a quote from a dead historical figure? Hmm who would be good? Who knew about energy? Tesla? Yeah he ruled but the populace isn't very familiar with him. Edison? I don't want people to associate us with his dark period. That whole electrocuting animals thing would probably turn PETA against us. Hmmmm. How about Ben Franklin. Him and electricity go hand in hand. I bet he would also love a drink that tastes like you mixed Red Bull and orange juice. Get me his biography! I'll flip it open and the first quote I randomly put my thumb on will be it. "Energy and persistence alter all things." Gold! Meeting adjourned. Looks like it wasn't a late night after all. Go home and spend some time with your families before the Franklin estate decides to sue us. I'm not getting clearance on that quote.

Chicago is home to some of the best vegetarian food I've ever tasted. There are multiple restaurants that are must eats if you don't partake in the flesh of other creatures. Today I learned that the same city is also home to one of the best teas I've ever poured down my throat.

I obviously chose this because of the awesome bottle. It looks like it should house some sort or marinade and not a tea. Secondly when has anyone known me to pass up something with ginger in it? Not only does it taste like ginger, but also there are actually small pieces of it in the drink, like sediment. It's surprisingly smooth with a heavy ginger flavor, minus the burn. The secret weapon in here isn't the ginger though; it's the trace amounts of vanilla. It gives this tea a whole new dimension. I picked this up at Whole Foods. Hopefully their stores outside of Chicago will also carry it, because I definitely want more.

With all the drinks in the world, it's hard to keep up sometimes. That's why it's nice when people suggest drinks for us to try. It's even better when they buy them for us. My friend Jenna was appalled that we hadn't reviewed her favorite flavor of Calypso so she bought me this bottle of Black Cherry Lemonade. She was talking it up a lot, and I was afraid of it not living up to the hype and thus ending our friendship when I gave it a bad review. I was kinda afraid to open the bottle because of how much was riding on its contents.

Luckily, it is as good as she made it out to be. The black cherry has such a strong and juicy taste to it. And then the perfectly tart lemonade kicks in and completes the drink. It's a little heavier (or maybe rich is the word I'm looking for) than most lemonade due to the great black cherry flavor, but it works and I like it a lot.

This can tells me to "think pineapple." Don't worry friends. I'm already there. I take a bite and it's so juicy it dribbles down my chin. The acidic levels in it make my tongue tingle a bit, but not to a level that it's uncomfortable. I mean it's my imagination so I cut the thing right off the tree/bush with a machete and use that same tool to slice it up. Man this is some good pineapple. I do have a question though. What does this pineapple have to do with my mango tea? There's no pineapple juice in it. It doesn't even have the faintest taste of pineapple. It tastes like a nice dry/bitter white tea with just the right amount of sweet mango juice mixed in. There's also some cane sugar and agave thrown into the mix. It's not overly sweet. It's just right.

Now if I could only get this pineapple off my mind...

Hey Paul, are you really entering that beauty contest? I mean that's a joke right? You look like a gorilla somehow mated with an eel. Your parents are fairly good looking, how did you end up so weird looking? I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just wanted to make sure you didn't completely embarrass yourself out on that stage. Sure you have a great act for the skill section. I don't know anyone else who can balance all of their body weight on their nose while singing Cher songs like you can. What is that, your secret weapon? I don't think it's really going to work, but if you want to give it a try, it's all you.

Wow! You pounded that can and now you look like a young Steve Guttenberg. I don't know if it's enough to win, but it's a definite improvement and you won't get laughed off of stage. Do you have another? Hmm this tastes like a light tropical fruit punch. It's got sucralose in it, but it's one of the better tasting diet drinks I've ever had. What's that? I don't look any different? Well is that really a shocker? I mean did you really think I could look any better? I'm pretty much Oscar Wilde's dream come to life.

Things I know about martinis are as follow: olives may or may not be involved, gin is in it, James Bond liked them "shakened" not stirred, there are bars dedicated to them, they now come in a variety of fruit flavors, and finally people drink them when they want to pretend they are all sorts of fancy pants. I've never had a real one, and I never will. I will try fake versions of them, or mocktinis if you will.

I'm in a van with people who have tried the real deal and they all say this tastes nothing like what it's trying to imitate. I'm perfectly fine with that. They always sounded like a one-way ticket to Grossville to me. So it doesn't taste authentic, but it does taste like raspberry ginger ale minus the ginger ale. That would be raspberry soda for those of you playing along at home. It's nothing terribly special, but at least it doesn't taste like olives.

Tom, a dude that works where I work, is from Rochester, NY. When he found out about Thirsty Dudes, he instantly told me about a place by where he grew up where you could drive your car into the warehouse and the employees would bring stuff right to your car. He's in his thirties and talked about it like he was ten. He said his favorite flavor was the black cherry. I told him I had some at home and that I would bring it in next time I came in. So I brought it in, told him I brought it in, and he seemed pretty excited. Excited enough, in fact, that at about ten in the morning, he poured himself a cool glass of it.

Since he couldn't be the only guy partying down so early in the morning, we all had a glass ourselves and I've got to say, as a man drinking something I probably haven't in fifteen years, I'd be psyched to relive all of the flavors that I had as a kid. As a man who hasn't had this before and didn't know what to expect, it's a pretty average black cherry pop. It's not bad by any means, but it's nothing to write home about, unless you're writing home to say that you found some know-it-all kid who reviews drinks found something that you grew up with that you haven't had in years.

Someone please write their parents about me. I don't even care if you know me. You can get a pretty solid feel of what I'm all about in these reviews. Make stuff up, I don't give a rip, just let me know what you write. I'm interested in the tales you will make up.

Marky, move the launch ramp slightly to the left. I want to make sure I don't land on my mom's flowers. What do you mean I'm going to land on them anyways? Haven't you ever seen me skate before? I'd be pro if I could just get an audience with the head of some company. Just to prove it to you I'm going to launch over my dad's new car. First let me down this can of Crayons. It will give me the extra energy I need. Hmm this stuff is actually pretty good. It has the consistency of watered down Gatorade, but twice the flavor. It's got that weird blue raspberry flavor that tastes like it should come from a real fruit, but raspberries don't taste like that at all. In fact I like this a lot. Guys, you won't believe this. It says right on the can not to launch over your dad's car OR your mom's roses. Looks like this little show is off. What's that Tommy? You're right, those aren't roses they are petunias. Here I go.....

Like everyone else in this ghost town, I like to go to the saloon everyday. The usual characters are always there: One-Eyed Jack and the blacksmith playing poker, the owners son 'lil Johnny playing with his dog in the corner, and Davey playing the piano while two women danced on the balcony. The only problem is I always get made fun of for my drink of choice. While I'm told Smitty's Saloon has the best whiskey this side of the Mississippi, I don't like the hard stuff. My father was a drinker and I didn't like what it did to him so I swore I'd never try it.

I prefer Outlaw Orange Cream. No, it's not because I'm a criminal. I only had that one run in with 'the law' once when I was playing a prank on my best friend and took his horse around back. The sheriff and I straightened that all out years ago. I like this soda pop because it has a classic orange cream flavor. I've heard some fancy hot shots in New York City are trying to make orange cream soda that will appeal to everyone, but what do they know? This is great the way it is. It has a great orange flavor, with a really nice smooth aftertaste. Sure I wouldn't mind if it was a tad bit smoother, but it's a damn fine orange cream if I do say so myself. In fact, when this one is gone, I just might order another one if Smitty ever comes back to this side of the bar.

You are a citrus demon. You can't have enough. You eat lemons for breakfast, grapefruit for lunch, and limes for dinner. Oranges are snacks to you. The acidity running through your blood would burn through the toughest metals but it somehow is contained safely in your veins. If you were stabbed, your blood would eat through the knife before it got to any vital organs.

When you're thirsty, you don't reach for an iced tea. Not even a lemon iced to can quench your acid driven thirst. Not even the sourest of lemonades can quench you at times. This time, when you are in need, look no further, for College Club has developed a secret blend of grapefruit and lemon. This isn't your grandpappy's half and half. It's tart, a bit sour, and yes, obviously tastes like Squirt. Side by side I might be able to pick out the lemon, but alone, it's a whole lot of grapefruit. Actually, now that I think about it, it was tamer than a Squirt so I wonder if the lemon calmed it down a bit and kind of turned down the grapefruit.

Either way, you'll love it and it is, without a doubt, a great summertime drink. Put some ice in a glass, and if you're some sort of fancy pants, put an umbrella in there. Also, since you love it so darn much, College Club only makes it in quarts so drive on down to Western New York and go through their drive through and pick some up. Talk to the brothers while you're down there. You won't regret it.

Everyone I'm on tour with kept making fun of me because I wanted to stop at a Big Lots to get drinks. I understand it sounds ridiculous, but that closeout store is a goldmine for drinks and $3 DVDs. Joe from Night Birds grabbed some DVDs I grabbed a buttload of drinks.

This one was the opposite of stellar. As Joe said it tastes like a goddamn melted lime push pop, but only drenched in sucralose. Ickville.

My boss' dad, Jake, asked me sarcastically if what I was drinking had chunks in it. At the time, I was drinking a tea and it did not. He then sarcastically said that he'd only drink drinks with chunks in it. Challenge accepted. Easy challenge, but accepted nonetheless.

So yesterday, I went through my back stock and found this little guy that Jay and I picked up at an Asian supermarket. "Blueberry Aloe?" I said, "I'll take it." After tasting it, I had to look at the ingredients. It has a really tart flavor to it and the ingredients explained everything. Grape juice. I would not be offended if they re-dubbed this "Blueberry Grape" because that's what this tastes like. It's good. I like it, but if you're going to put so much grape flavor in it, give poor grape some credit.

So I poured Jake some chunky, purple drink, handed it to him and he swirled it around a bit, like a fine glass of wine...with chunks in it, and he drank it. He had a few ounces, defiantly enough to build a valid opinion and his opinion? "I like it." Enough said? The man is an accomplished architect. I think that his opinion might count more than mine.

I fell victim to marketing yet again. I went to the store today and noticed a big selection of Turkey Hill teas and lemonades in the cooler. Turkey Hill makes some of my favorite drinks and has never disappointed me. I was going to just get a traditional raspberry iced tea, until I saw this jug of raspberry lemonade with the ominous “limited edition” beacon. As much as I wanted that raspberry iced tea, not wanting to potentially miss out on this flavor drove me to buy this instead.

I had reservations with this before opening since it is a light/diet drink and sweetened with fake sugar. Luckily, it's pretty damn good! It doesn't have a diet/chemical taste at all, which is good news. In fact, in a blind taste test I doubt I could identify this as a diet drink, which means they're doing something right. It has a really nice sour taste to it, which is key (in my eyes) for good lemonade. Hopefully others concur with my thoughts and Turkey Hill rethinks this as being only a limited edition drink.

I'm tagging along with my friends, Night Birds, playing the role of "merch dude." Our first stop was Cleveland, OH. We went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which was surprisingly rad. I got to see Ian Curtis' lyric sheets, a bill The Replacements got for damaging a hotel room, the original Riot Grrrl zine, some rad Nirvana stuff and a bunch more. I nerded out a bit. I also worked up one heck of a thirst. Only juice could save the day.

Cleveland is hardly a coastal town, but how can you say no to Nantucket Nectars with its all-natural juice goodness? It's pretty readily available everywhere, so I don't know why I don't drink it more. This is a perfect blend of pomegranate and pear. Both are obviously present, but the strength of their flavors keep each other in check and subdued. It's incredibly refreshing. Just the way I needed it to be.

You've got a great son, Mr. Ziegler. Roy Jr. is a bit high strung at times and often likes to plot other children's demise, but all in all, he's not a bad kid. He's good at math, but not so good at history. He's good at science, but not so good at English.

Reason I called you down here is because of two things. He brought this Lipton 100% Natural iced tea in and passed it around to the rest of the class. Although his sharing is great, it felt almost as if he coerced the other kids into doing it. Like they were doing his bidding. Have you ever noticed that type of behavior before? Like he had taken control of their minds through some sort of magic and was making them take sips from this one bottle. I took the bottle from him and made him finish his work but I've got to be honest with you. The drink, although good, was not the best. I found it lackluster and a bit...forgettable. It was a bit too sweet because of the Stevia. The flavor was alright, but I took a couple sips and never really craved going back to it. I drank it because it was there. That's not really that great? So, why did Roy Jr. tell everyone it was the greatest? You might just want to work on getting him to wash his hands and inform him about the danger of germs.

Second thing is that he brought in this magazine...I can't stop thinking about that magazine. I mean, where did he get it? I can't get those images out of my head.