Did you read in the paper today about how science has created a human/fruit hybrid? They are adorable and completely creepy at the same time. The article said that they have begun making demands and it looks like they are organizing for a revolt. The "fruitmans" are going to over take the world! It is up to us to put a stop to their movement. We shall call our counter movement Picabi and to raise funds for our struggle we will can the blood of our enemies (which just happens to be delicious juice) and sell it to the populace. As a warning to the fruitmans we will put pictures of their deceased on the cans.

I for one can vouch that the grape fruitman, or fruitlady, has a very sweet taste. It's almost candy like, but it still tastes natural. It's way sweeter than I expected even though there is no sugar added. If you like grape juice and want to help exterminate the fruitmans buy a can today!

This is the diet version of the Ex energy drink I reviewed a few weeks ago. In that I detailed my feelings on kombucha. Basically it's foul sludge. In the ordinary version the taste wasn't that bad. I actually kind of enjoyed it. Unfortunately in this diet version the grossness prevails. It's not as strong as other kombucha drinks, but it still tastes a little bit like rot to me. I think the sweetener in the other one covered it up. The stevia in this lets it shine. Boo on you stevia. You have been so kind to me in the past why did you have to do this to me now? This doesn't taste chemical like most energy drinks, but I think I might prefer that to the kombucha taste. If you're into that kind of thing, you will probably love this.

This drink is good. So high in calories that I felt like only drinking half, but whatever. It goes down really smooth and that's because it's a thick drink. Not milkshake thick, unless you leave your milkshakes in the car when you run into the store to get your pre-packaged noodle dinners that you feel like you need to get because you've got a coupon that makes them free so you can feel like you're on Extreme Couponing. The erythritol doesn't kick in until the drink is long gone down your seemingly endless gullet and last for a strangely long time, like minutes. Erythritol, to me at least, makes my mouth water, and although it's not a bad thing, and I can deal with it, it lets me know that "something" is going on continuously with what I just ingested.

As a protein drink this is awesome. Although it's only got 16 grams of protein on top of a whopping 260 calories, you've probably just burned it off whilst running a half marathon. Don't worry, pal, you'll hit that 26.2 soon enough and you can tear that "13.1" sticker off your Rav 4 and slap on a fresh, new, impressive "26.2" sticker. No one thinks you're less of a person because you've got that on there. I don't think that I could put a "6.55" sticker on my car. Cheer up. Put those sweet shoes, extra short shorts, and dumb hat on and go run that marathon.

A drink is good when you don't want to stop drinking it. A drink is good when you want a fifty-five gallon drum of it. A drink is good when you take your first sip and it leaves you speechless. This drink is good. It's like an apple juice with a kick, but the kicker is not wearing shoes and between the toes is something tangy, and you want more. It's a strange foot fetish type scenario, but dude, you can't help it.

Why such a small can? Woongjin aren't a gaggle of idiots. They know that you'll be back. If they made them larger, you would only buy one. This stuff is fantastic. It's better than the best apple juice you've ever had because it's apple juice plus.

You have to like it. I put my name on it. I was thinking on my way into work that I haven't given a 5 in a while. This deserves it.

There is a paragraph on this bottle talking about how the company searches the globe for the rarest, and most exotic teas. I can just imagine tea-pickers scaling treacherous cliffs on mountains just to clip a few leaves from a tea plant growing near the top. These fine folks risk life and limb everyday so that the populace may enjoy the highest of quality tea. As a fan of tea I applaud them for that. Think of how pissed off those tea-pickers have to be when they see what is to become of their sacred harvest. They probably think that their tea is going to be sold in high-end markets or in expensive restaurants, not sold in 64oz plastic bottles. Worst of all to them has to be that they have gone to the far corners of the globe to get this tea and then their employers have mixed in peaches from the southern United States. I can just see them sitting around base camp grumbling about how their work is going to waste.

What I have to say to them is get over yourselves. Sure your tea isn't being served to kings, but it is being made into one hell of a product. Also, peaches are delicious and are way better than most exotic fruits. They are exceptionally great in teas. Old Orchard has taken the work of these self-righteous tea-pickers and turned it into a wonderfully light tea, with just a hint of peach. If I were them this tea would make me proud of my life's work.

For all my talk about cowboys; how I think they are awesome and how it's a possibly calling in my life, I am not a fan of western movies. Sometimes they are okay, but in general I find them boring and hokey. A lot of adults in my life growing up were into them, so I've seen a decent amount and they just don't do anything for me. The same thing goes for kung-fu movies. I'd rather watch Fletch for the 900th time than watch John Wayne or Clint Eastwood.

There are cowboys on this bottle and I have to say I don't think they would drink this. It's really good, but I would never in a million years pick it out as sarsaparilla in a blind taste test. I would bet all the tea in China that it was a fancy cola. Even with my eyes open and knowing what it is supposed to be, I'd still say it was a cola. It has a hint of root beer/sarsaparilla to it, but it's mostly a brewed cola taste. I really enjoyed it, but it doesn't taste like what it's supposed to, so I feel like I should deduct a bottle. Maybe that is John Wayne on the bottle and he thinks he's too good for "cowboy swill" and he just wanted a nice cola. The directors told him that it wouldn't work right in the film so they put it in a sarsaparilla bottle so it would look authentic. Damn fake cowboys ruining everything for everyone.

In recent times I was strolling down the beach and I saw a coconut fall from a tree. I ran over and snatched that little guys up. I am not a fan of coconut by any means, but when you see something like that fall from a tree how can you pass it up. So there I am carrying this coconut around and a new problem arose. How the hell do you open a coconut to get the juice/water out? I could have tried to smash it on the road, but then all the precious juice would be lost. I didn't have any tools on me to aid in my venture. The solution I came up with was to repeatedly bash it on the corner of a picnic table until it cracked a little and I could pry it apart with my fingers. After about 20 minutes of hitting it against the table I was finally able to get it open. I sent all that time and effort and not counting what spilled I got two small mouthfuls of coconut water. I actually enjoyed it a little. It didn't taste anything like dried coconut, which I believe to be a devil fruit. So there I am with a smashed coconut, juice all over my hands and face with a still mostly empty stomach. I was satisfied. I didn't need a lot. I just wanted a taste and I had a fun time doing it.

This tastes pretty much exactly like the water that I got out of that coconut. The only ingredients in it are coconut water and ascorbic acid. I'm still not a huge fan of coconut, but since I have experience with getting the water right from the source and this tasted exactly the same I felt the need to get it a four. I may not have enjoyed it as much as other beverages, but it is exactly what it claims to be and if someone likes coconut, they are going to love this.

Without a doubt, teeth are shattering everywhere this pop is sold. Dentists live in houses larger than you can ever imagine. Children are bouncing off the walls. Parents are all poor because they spent all their money on their children's cavities. For what? 16 fluid ounces of delicious, fantastic strawberry flavored pop. It almost doesn't taste like pop, but like liquid candy. It's quite exquisite, if you think about it. It's probably important that parents don't let their kids touch this stuff, as it is so good and so sweet that they won't be able to get their sticky little hands off of it. Seriously, if you live where this is sold, don't let your kids come with you to the grocery store because once they see that red bottle, it's over. You're going to have a toothless, fourteen year old kid living with you. Bad news. It's good, though. If you aren't a turd about fake sugar and just want to cut loose for a bit, get some. Editor Dan brought this back from a trip to Detroit and I just finally got around to reviewing it. It was worth the wait. Tell your friends but don't dare tell your children.

This drink is just plain fun. It's clear and then when you twist the cap vitamins and flavors are dropped into the drink. You shake it all up and you have yourself a fresh tasty drink. It's ingenious really. It keeps the vitamins fresh and it's more entertainment for the drinker.

Both of these that I have tried taste like children's vitamins. That is a compliment in my world. Unfortunately this one tastes a bit more diet than the other ones we're reviewed. It's sweetened with stevia, so it's not too bad, but it still has a definite diet taste. That being said I would definitely drink this again.

Thirsty Dudes, as a whole, unfortunately do not fancy coconut drinks. I like Mounds bars as much as the next guy. I like coconut shavings on ice cream. I have never handled a raw coconut, but I feel like it's probably not that bad. Let's make a compliment sandwich for this drink.

Good: The added sugar in this drink makes it a more "candied" coconut like you might be used to in candy and sweets.
Bad: It's reminiscent of, and I'm quoting girls in the office here, watered down pina colata and sunscreen.
Good: This is the best coconut drink I've had.

It's more sweet and less...water than the Vita Coco or Zico. If you like coconut water, this might be a nice, sweet treat for you. If you don't like coconut, this still isn't the drink for you.

Now here's the kicker. I can't penalize due to me not liking something. I think that if you liked coconut you would like this. I'm going to give an extra bottle because I know some people will really like it. I don't want to discourage people from getting it.

When I'm at work I am at the height of being a "thirsty dude." The amount of beverages that I drink borders the insane. I don't know if I'm really as thirsty as I think I am, or if it's just a way to pass the time. I used to just drink whatever was on hand, but I got to a point where all the sugar was too much for me. After that I turned to mostly water. Even when I'm not working I drink nearly a gallon of water a day. Water is delicious, refreshing and cleansing. Now that I've discovered these huge bottles of Teas' Tea, everything else is out the window. They are water, tea and ascorbic acid. 0 calories and 0 sugar means that I don't have to feel guilty about drinking a two liter of it a day. On top of that it tastes great. It tastes like perfectly brewed tea that has been cooled down. If you have any interest whatsoever in unsweetened teas this line is something you need to check out.

Organic pomegranate juice is the only thing contained in this bottle. It's the way god, or whoever, planned for juice to be served. I love pure juice. No sweeteners or preservative added. Nothing is reconstituted. It is just mashed fruit with all of the solids strained out. It's insanely strong and tart, but why mess with a pomegranate unless that's your desired effect. For those of you who have lived under a rock for the past ten years awaiting the upcoming rapture (that didn't happen), I will now describe what pomegranate juice tastes like. It is darker than the darkest purple grape. It is actually similar to a purple grape juice, but 100% more concentrated. It also has a certain dryness on your tongue. Overall it's very enjoyable, but it's not something that you can drink a lot of in one sitting. The Folks at Smart Juice are not dummies. If they were their company would be named Dumb Juice. As a result they have these nice little 8.4oz bottles of juice. It's just enough for a little treat.

This drink makes me want to, like Sleepytime Gorilla Museum says, party like it's 1997. What was I doing in '97? Playing with friends, all the time. Not worrying about girls. Just playing. One thing we played was WWF Royal Rumble for Super Nintendo. To this day, those are the only wrestlers that I know so when people are like, "Oh, did you hear about what John Cena did to The Miz", I have to respond with, "No, but what ever happened to Razor Ramon?" This drink is like a wrestling match where summertime is meeting winter in a no holds barred cage match in my mouth. On one side, we've got a nice, lemon tea. It's got multiple lemon elements to it including lemon peel, lemon myrtle, lemon juice, and lemon extract. It's a lot, but it is not gross, friends. Trust me. So that's summer. Winter is that whatever else is in this tea mixed with (probably) whatever tulsi is, makes it taste almost like a light cider. No apple, just the feeling of cider. Bold. It leaves a nice homemade lemon tea taste, but when you're drinking it, you've got everyone fighting. At the end everyone wins. Oooh, Sorry. I should have written "Careful: Spoilers" at the top, shouldn't I. Sorry.

Being sick is horrible. You're all stuffed up and you have that annoying itching in your throat. You make yourself cough to try and scratch it, which leads to you coughing uncontrollably for real. Ugh. You go for some cough drops that don't really do much, but you convince yourself they do. Hey anything to keep your mind off that annoying self inflicted cough.

This bottle makes me think of those previously mentioned cough drops. Everything about the label screams cheap cough drops to me. It turns out that it kind of does taste like the cough drops, minus the medicinal taste. That sounds completely horrible in theory, but in practice it's not bad. It's comforting without grossness. It's all natural/organic so you can really taste the lemon and honey. Thank goodness I'm not actually sick, but I can still enjoy this tea.

A man walks into a bar in Canada and says, "Barkeep, I know you hate being called that because it's a terrible term that no bartender actually likes to be called because it's the male equivalent of a beer wench, but all the same. Hey, barkeep!" "Ugh...Yes?" says the bartender, apathetically. "Why don't you give me one of those Sioux City Cherries and Mint pops?" says the man. "How about this, friend? Number one, no. Number two, how about 'please'? Number three, we don't carry them." responds the nicest sarcastic bartender you wish you knew. "Wait, what? I want it. I always get what I want. Don't you know who I am?" says the increasingly arrogant patron. "You can't get everything you want and I can't believe that no one has told that to you in the last, at least, 40 years ago. Also, we don't carry it. I don't know what to tell you. Do you want a beer or something?" responds the bartender who is clearly becoming more irritated. "Well here's the thing. I had that one before and I liked it. It wasn't here. It was when I was in vacation in the States. It was lighter than a cherry pop and has a little hint of mint. I was impressed because I didn't think that I would like it but my lovely wife here said I have to try new things. I think you should probably have one back there somewhere. You are a bartender after all, right." said the obnoxiously assumptive patron who is about to get thrown out if he doesn't watch his tongue 'round these here parts. "Look sir, we don't have your pop. We have beer, liquor, and standard pop. If you're looking for some specialty pop, you're going to have to go somewhere else." said the bartender, clearly on his last nerve. "Well, if you're going to be like that, I'm going to take my business elsewhere. Thought I would try out a local, mom and pop establishment while on vacation but it seems that you don't want my business. Good day, sir. Work on that attitude, why don't'cha?!" said the man as he exited the bar. "This is an Applebee's, jerk!" exclaimed the bartender.

My brother, now residing in Germany for a duration he told me three times and I now forgot, went on a wine tasting tour with his girlfriend Gabe last week and called me. On this trip me a growler of War Horse micro-brewed root beer. He said that it had vanilla and anise in it. That's a pretty good way for me to drink anything. So his plans came to fruition and he bought a growler, which I picked up last time I went to my parent's house. I threw it in the fridge while we went to partake in Thirsty Tuesday tonight so when we got back to my house, we would have a fresh, cool growler of hand crafted root beer.

I opened the cap, took a whiff and it was dark. Very bold, like that jerk with a lot of greeze in his hair coming up to you, if you are a girl, and saying something about your butt and expecting not to get slapped in the face. I poured a glass for myself, Jay, and Jay's ol' lady. We all drank at about the same time and there was silence. It was a good silence because it was pretty complex. It was sharp and had a lot of flavor. The anise wasn't too singled out and was more of a helper than a focal point. The vanilla I didn't get but what I did get, and correct me if I'm wrong, was some sort of barrel aging. It was like a better
Sprecher Root Beer because that tasted like downright wood.

I hope that they one day bottle this and sell it locally, it gets picked up by a distributor, and then distributed at least regionally. It's really something that you should try.

Hey Jak! It's you and me buddy. Let's go for a ride, and by ride I mean via horseback, because due to your name, Red Jak, you are obviously a cowboy. So let's see what these dusty trails have to offer us.

Well it seems that you ride a donkey Jak. I say that because you taste like a drink for children, and that is what children ride on the prairie. Energy drinks for children. That is probably one of the worst ideas ever. I feel like their little hearts wouldn't be able to handle it. Perhaps their tiny veins are too delicate and they would just burst. I don't want to think about these things. Kids stay away from energy drinks. You're young. You naturally have all the energy you need.

To clarify I'm not saying Big Red targets this product towards children, but it tastes like they would love it. It doesn't taste like ten thousand chemical Smarties. It tastes like a berry-flavored soda that is heavy on the strawberry. It reminds me of those Asian gums that come in little boxes with four gumballs. They are really fluffy. I love that gum.

There you have it. Jak's donkey is all tuckered out and won't leave the troth. I on the other hand am carrying my horse around because I'm all amped up from the drink.

I have never been to Brooklyn. It's true. I have been to New York City a handful of times and have only really done Manhattan. I know that I would like the taste of Brooklyn to wash that clichè from my mouth because something about a city made to be an advertisement just doesn't suit me. So, since I've never been there, here is my "dream Brooklyn". Let me know if I'm close.

I'm walking down the street. I've got a bitchin' pair of Wayfarers on. Probably tortoise shell if I know myself well enough. Everywhere is the sound of the Beastie Boys, only up to Ill Communication, of course. Everyone is riding fixed gear bikes, has an ironic beard or mustache, and is eating pizza. Yes, some of it's vegan. Everything is brick. No aluminum or vinyl siding in the entire borough. Paired with the pizza is Old Brooklyn soda. It's only fair. It's not a dictatorship over there. Sure, Power Pop Pop Pop has a bit of weight even though he's all the way in Newbridge, NJ, but Brooklyn is not his home.

Am I far from the truth? Possibly. Possibly not. Were the Ghostbusters from Brooklyn? That's just more of a question for myself.

As for this pop, it was good. It wasn't syrupy at all and that's all thanks to the cane sugar. The sweetness isn't too much and the actual flavor is the aftertaste, which is nice for a change. Oh, you like black cherry pop? You'll love this. Oh, you've never had black cherry pop? You could love this. You don't like black cherry pop, Jay? That's why I'm reviewing this.

It's become way popular these days for companies to make beverages that are basically a healthier version of Gatorade. The first I knew to do it was Vitamin Water, and I thought they did a great job. That is until I tried the Ex product line. It blows vitamin water out of the....well....water. I don't know if it's just because it's clear, but it feels more like water to me. A nicely sweetened flavored water. It's like someone watered down peach and mango juice and somehow made it so that it doesn't taste watered down. That is a feat in itself. The vitamins in it are just an added bonus. I hope to see these popping up in gas stations around the country.

Guys, thanks for coming over and helping me clean up the house. As you know I have this big party coming up for some foreign dignitaries and I want everything to be perfect. You guys have made that possible. This place is spotless. I can literally see my reflection in the floor. I think I finally have the proper setting to hammer out those peace treaties. I'll tell you this though; I am parched from all that work. Luckily I have this bottle of lemon-flavored aloe. This is going to be refreshing to no end. *twists off cap. chug. spit take.* Okay which one of you wisenheimers switched out my aloe for cleaning products!?!?! Guys this isn't funny I could get really sick! You swear you didn't? Well now that you mention it the freshness seal did check when I opened it. Apparently Lily of the Desert wanted this drink to takes the way that Lemon Pledge smells. It even smells strange. This is my first time around with this company and it's also my first time being disappointed with an aloe drink. The chunks are more like the pulp in orange juice than normal aloe chunks. I thought it might have just been me who didn't "get" this drink so I had five other people try it, and everyone had an identical reaction. The stevia and the lemon just do not blend well together.