This has a real sharp smell and it beckons your call, like a siren to the black abyss. I steer my mouth/ship towards the bottle/sharp rocks. Here's where I can no longer make similes between enchanted sea women and pop because this took a turn. If I may make one last Greek mythology reference, if I was a boat, I would have avoided the sirens call, not waiting for it like Bernard Sumner and friends wanted me to do, because this was one of the smoothest drinks I've ever had. It's a birch beer that goes down smooth like a cream soda. It's really strange.

It is not bad. Let it be known, but I wanted a gnarly bite, like I normally get with my birch beers. It's like those fireworks that you like but don't last long enough for you to be fully satisfied with. There is a quick giant explosion and then a quick disintegration. Sure, I could make a Cure reference, but that's too many English new wave bands in one review for even me.

That last statement isn't true. There are never enough obscure references in our reviews. If anything, there isn't enough "review" in our reviews. Guess what, it's not going to change.

Greg's got a sweet tooth. I love it. I drink a lot of drinks with sugar in it, but it's never sweet enough. Rumor has it, and you could probably ask to confirm, that he once lined up Cadbury Creme Eggs and ate three, one after another. He was the person I had in mind when I brought this drink in. I have been holding on to it for just the right time and today, this dreary, spring day.

I gave it to Greg to try first and with the blink of an eye, half of the bottle was gone. He must have been jonesing for something sweet. I did mention that I brought something in for him, and when I presented him with this, his little mouth probably started working. He had a good "woah" face on when he tried it, which means that it's good. I gave it a whirl, liked it a lot, gave it to Zack to try and he said that it tastes like "liquid Rolo's" which I don't think that I could top in a description, so I won't.

I let Greg finish the rest of the bottle, which he promptly and swiftly did. I think he liked it, and I think that he thinks that you would, too. Take a trip north to Canada, get a little bottle, and share it with your friends because it's got a heart-stopping amount of calories for one person to commit to.

I'm pretty sure BOT may have been contracted by NASA to make this beverage. I can think of no other reason why this smells so much like Tang. It's what astronauts drink, in case you didn't know. Not only do they drink it, but Thirsty Mike used to drink an obscene amount of it when we used to live together. He had a huge tub of the powder that me mixed with water in an old juice container. That powder had a very specific smell that has been exactly replicated by BOT. The flavor is also there, but in a subtle way. You may expect this to be just another version of Vitamin Water, but it stands on it's own. It tastes more like flavored water. It's also has more natural ingredients. The bottle boasts, "Low calorie. No Artificial Sweeteners. No Dyes. No Preservatives. No Sodium." BOT has taken the original Tang and made it better. They want to make sure that our fellow Americans in space get their vitamins, electrolytes and antioxidants. They care about our nations heroes. Well at least they do in my head. They were really probably just trying to make orange flavored water, and the whole Tang thing came as an accident, but a boy can dream.

With a name like "Buckin' Root Beer", I was fully expecting this to have a lot of bite. I like that in a root beer. The more bite, the better. Or maybe the folks at Jackson Hole want me to drink this on the back of a bull at a rodeo? I have a feeling that isn't the case, as I'd probably wear more of the bottle than what I could manage to drink.

I've been saving this root beer for a week now. Was it worth the wait? Very much so! This is a really heavy root beer, but it also has lots of flavors. As I suspected, this has a good amount of bite to it, with a really nice anise taste. It just gets better and better with every sip, unlike some sodas which lose flavor as the bottle goes down. The bottle says that this is batch brewed, and I must say that this is a great batch!

Pears. Pfft. Apple's crappy cousin who always stops by at the worst times and stays way too long and asks you thinks like, "Hey, are you still into that band Bush?". It's not so much insulting as it is a reminder to how dumb you once were and how long it's been since you talked to them. Also, do they still like Bush? Were they asking you because they had something new to inform you about? I don't think Gavin Rossdale has anything new to say about Bush. So pears...

I somehow ended up with this pear drink and I have been reluctant to drink it. Since I'm taking a brief hiatus on pop, I figured today is the day. I cracked it open and liked it. With most of the Bai drinks, it's got the very Stevia undertone with a legit fruit flavor as described. The smell of pear, which never bothered me, is very present when you smell the drink. It's a 50/50 toss up between who wins, sweetness or fruitness. Oh, fruitness isn't a word? I'm sorry, who is reviewing this drink? My cousin? Hey cuz, remember Sponge? That'll get him to shut up for a minute.

This is good, although not the best Bai drink I've had, thus, I will/have rate/rated it as such. If you love pears, you will like this drink, but even though you love pears, you too might be a bit disappointed about the fighting between the flavors. You might want really pear since there aren't a lot of pear drinks out there. I don't know what you want. This might be it. You can't really go wrong with this company, so give it a whirl. You won't be disappointed.

So that last stress reducer drink didn't quite do the job. I realized the only thing that was going to make me feel better was sitting down with a little Twin Peaks and cracking open an ice cold root beer. A lot of people have been recommending Tower to us, so this seemed like as good a time and any to give it a go.

On first sip I knew this was something good. It had a taste that just let you know that it was brewed and not just flavor syrup. I tasted hints of various herbs. This is not a creamy root beer by any means. As I let each sip sit on my tongue I discovered more and more flavors. Then about halfway down something happened. The root beer started to taste smoky. I don't know how or why it happened, but I had my ladyfriend try it and she noticed it as well. It was interesting to say the least. It took me by shock at first. It was like someone put a couple of drops of liquid smoke in my bottle when I wasn't looking. After I got used to it I really enjoyed it. It made me feel like I was at a bonfire sipping on some quality soda. I imagine this is how root beer tasted to cowboys when they sat around their fires at night on the prairie. Eventually too much smoke would get in their eyes and someone would say, "white rabbit" to set the world right. A white rabbit in a black lodge with Cooper.

The past couple of days have been full of stress. While on vacation I apparently punctured my eardrum. The drops the doctor gave me didn't fix it so I need to see a specialist for possibly surgery. I then found out that I'm probably being dropped from my health insurance at the end of the month. On top of that little things keep adding up. I hit my head several times. When I went to order blank shirts for an order I need to get printed the website crashed and I wasn't able to get them for the time I needed them. Stress. Frustration. Life generally lacking fun.

I decided this drink is just what I needed today. If it's going to help take my mind off of things I'm all for it. It's sweet and bubbly. I can't pin point the exact flavor. It's like grapefruit that was watered down with lemon lime. I enjoy it. I will tell you that. So far it hasn't de-stressed me, but I'll give it some time. Apparently it is supposed to increase serotonin and dopamine levels to promote relaxation and concentration. If it doesn't work in an hour or two I'll probably just end up going to go to bed.

Mondays I am home. I work for 15 minutes at a time while either feeding or changing or consoling Max. He rules, don't get me wrong, but he is tiring. I always eat quickly. I'm like a cop. Why do cops eat donuts? No, not because it's clichè, but because they need to. How long does it take to make a turkey dinner? Longer than it takes to get a donut and go solve crimes. Pop in, pop out. They have all the assortment in the world. Crueler, bear claw, angel cream and it's lesser, associate brother, Boston cream...the list goes on.

I wish I had a donut. I had to make microwave burritos. A little bit about these burritos; they aren't as old as they taste. They left a strange film on the roof of my mouth, much like Captain Crunch does. I've gotten over the "Oh, Captain Crunch tears the roof of your mouth to shreds." That's old news. Did I get sidetracked? You know that's right.

So I'm eating these burritos and...they...suck. I put a lot of pico de gallo on there, too. I needed to solve this pickle with something. In my fridge, keeping cool, was this Metromint Good Berry Mint. I was excited to see a new flavor and, because of that, I bought it. Isn't that how it works? I seem to think so.

So here I am, trying to disguise the foul grossness of these microwave burritos and anxiously awaiting the new flavors of whatever the heck Good Berry Mint is. First sip...mint. Second sip...mint. Third sip...mint. Excuse me...hello? Fourth sip...mint. Let's read the side of the bottle: raspberry, blueberry, pomegranate, acai, and blackberry. I don't taste any of the berry friends in here. Fifth sip...mint. Is it overpowering? Possibly, but I don't really get any fruit. If I was drinking this next to a Metromint Peppermint, I might be able to taste the difference, but by itself, plain mint.

It's hard to rate something that doesn't taste like what it's supposed to taste like. It's not bad, it's just mint-flavored water, but I don't get what they are trying to sell me.

Wishin' I just bought another Chocolate Mint. That's all I'm saying. No regrets, just wishin'.

EDIT!

So, after the encouragement by MetroMint themselves, I gave it another whirl. They thought that what I had may have been a bad batch or the fact that I drank it when it was cold, combined with the mint, may have hidden the berry. So I got another one, drank it right then and there, and, don't'cha'know, there was that berry critter. It was good. So, word to the wise, if you're going to drink the Good Berry Mint flavor maybe pour it in a glass with some ice or drink it at room temperature because once you get it the way that it's supposed to be got, it's really good.

How much juice comes from a single apple? A thimble full? Perhaps enough to fill a shot glass? It always bottles my mind when I think of the quantity of fruit that is needed to produce a single bottle for our drinking pleasures.
I assume giant machines are used to juice apples now. They probably throw them into some vat by the bushel and a big machine smashes them all up and the cores, seeds and pulp are filtered out. What did they do in the olden times? I'd like to think that they juiced apples like they do grapes for wine. Some old ladies peeled a whole mess of apples and put them in a large wooden bucked the size of a shed. Then they climbed in and did a little dance on them with their dirty fungal infected feet. The lower side of said bucket had a little spout that the townspeople could open to get a glass of fresh juice for only a nickel. They were simpler times. This company knows that and that's why the machine they use to mash their apples up is shaped like a gigantic diseased foot. As a result of their efforts they produce some of the best apple juice I have ever consumed. All that is in this bottle is apple juice. No extra water, sweeteners or preservatives. Just like the hill people intended.

Apparently it's ginger day on Thirsty Dudes. Our past three reviews have all been about ginger based drinks. This resulted in me having celebratory veggie dogs. In my infinite wisdom I decided to put some pickled ginger on the dogs. Amazing idea. It gave them a nice little kick. To wash down this wonderful concoction I decided to break open this bottle of Brainalizer. I had no idea what it was supposed to taste like, just that it was a "carbonated herbal beverage." As it turns out it tastes like raspberry or cherry ginger ale, but instead of ginger it was made with other roots and herbs. It's way better than I expected. Since honey is used as the sweetener, it's not overly sugary like most sodas. It also has a slight burn to it, which I always enjoy.

The website on the bottle wasn't up anymore, so I did some research on the internets. It turns out that this was originally a part of the Skeleteens line. That makes sense after reading the ingredients (American and Siberian Ginseng, Gotu Kola, Goldenseal, Dill Weed, Echinacea, Ginko Biloba, Dandelion, African Capsicum). I'm pretty sure this was an early version of an energy drink. Like myself (ginger on hotdogs) it seems that the folks at Skeleteens were visionaries. I applaud them for their work.

I have had some stomach thing. I am not a doctor so I cannot tell you what it is, but after every time I eat, I feel like garbage. I can't eat as much and I need to sit and be quiet or else... I don't know, I feel more sick.

Since only the rich can afford health insurance compounded with the fact that I won't take medicine, I had to take matters into my own hands.

Scouring through my stock, I remembered that I had a hot ginger ale. As we all know, the hotter the ginger ale is, the more natural and good for you it is. I threw this cat in the fridge for a bit, took it out, cracked it open, and took a sip. Hello cured stomach ailments, here we come. Then we had a little bit of a problem. You see, when I read, "hot" I expect HOT. This was more of a sting.

Now, "hot" is a relative term. I am quite accustomed to hot flavors, so although this may be on the lower levels of the ginger beer ladder, it could be too much for, say, a wimp.

Flavor-wise, it's not bad. It has a genuine, earthy ginger flavor that doesn't linger on your tongue. All of the flavors of actual ginger are apparent and the sweetness isn't overpowering.

The Thirsty Dudes crew had to go to Canada to get this Australian treat, even though it says on the bottle that it's available in the US. It was good, but I don't think it's worth a special trip anywhere to try and find.

After the debacle with my last drink I decided I needed something with a redeeming ginger quality. Grown-Up Soda it is! I know Mike isn't a big fan of this product line, but I have enjoyed every flavor that I've tried. I enjoy that they are not as sweet as normal sodas and have a dry taste to them.

This is a ginger ale made with real ginger root extract, not all of that artificial garbage that is in a lot of ginger ales these days. The difference in taste is very apparent. It doesn't have much of a burn, but after you swallow there is a lingering tingle in the back of your throat.

This has potential to get young kids to drink a lot less sugar. Kids are dumb and are easily tricked. Every kid is especially dumb because they want to be adults. Adults know that being a kid is much more enjoyable. So here's how things should go down. Have an adult that the kid looks up to drink these in front of said child. Don't give the kid a drink yet though. Without a doubt the kid will ask what it is. The response should be "This is a soda for adults. Kids aren't allowed to have it. It's a shame because it's really good. Why don't you have one of those Pepsi's over there? I mean it's not as good, but you know it's something." The kid will then beg and plead to have some of this soda that is for grown ups only. Eventually the adult should act like they are reluctantly giving in and giving the kid some. If the kid says that don't like it the adult should say something along the lines of "See I told you. You aren't old enough to enjoy it yet." The kid will invariably go back for more. Then they will want it all the time instead of the carbonated sugar garbage they were drinking. These are the ideas you have when you are a scientist like myself.

Did you know that all you need to do to get maple syrup is you stick a spigot into any tree in Canada? Any tree at all will do. It won't work at all in any other country, but in Canada if you had a palm tree in your house and stuck a spigot into it, maple syrup would flow out in great torrents. It's a fact. Read a book.

The Kiki company decided to open up their tree faucets and add some lemon and ginger to the sweetness that came pouring out. Something went horribly wrong though. The mixture smells of the air in a high school hallway several minutes after a pile of the nerdy kids vomit has been cleaned up with that weird powder they used. That's definitely the gross lingering scent of vomit. Even if this tasted wonderful (it doesn't) it would be hard to get over the smell. It tastes like diet ginger. I don't know how that's possible since ginger isn't sweet. Also it all tastes very watered down. It's a shame I had high expectations for this.

More drinks should be interactive. Ramune is the perfect example of a fun, interactive drink. It's so fun to knock that marble down into the drink. This is equally fun. Twisting the top orange part and letting the powder fall into the drink, helplessly, like someone pulled the ground from under it. It's actually pretty incredible how dark this drink gets with how little powder actually goes into it. Also, I did say powder, but they did an awesome job of formulating it so that it doesn't have that gritty, "too much powder" taste like you are drinking half juice and half sandy juice. It tastes like if you mixed orange Flintstone vitamins and Tang, two things that remind me of childhood. If I had this as a child, I could cross two things off my list. A multitasker. This drink is good and good for you. It's clichè, I know, but it's true.

It reminds me of some James Bond poisoning technique, a bit. Obviously not orange because Mr. Bond would be hip to whatever Goldfinger is trying to do to him. If he, or probably Oddjob, would use something similar to those clear fiber powders, but mixed it with a truth serum/powder, all would be lost. You and I would be living in a gold-free environment. Fort Knox would be Goldfinger's because James Bond was thirsty.

Buy it for yourself, buy it for your kids, buy it for your lover. If anyone doesn't like it, tell them that you'll never buy them anything ever again, but do it in that voice, you know the one, the one that makes it sound so personal that the other person feels like garbage and buys you a Whopper because they feel bad.

I mentally associate this drink as a kids drink. This is because I dated someone who had a 2-year-old daughter who loved these. Her car would be littered with these empty containers. The smiling face on the opening is kind of hard to forget. Anyways, one time she offered me a sip and who can say no to an adorable 2-year-old girl so I drank from the smiling face opening. I'm not sure what flavor it was, but it was tasty.

There is no mistaking this is strawberry flavored. I don't see how anyone could not identify this flavor, even if they were blindfolded, spun around 8 times, and had their nose plugged. This is quite possibly the most potent strawberry flavored drink I've ever had. It almost taste like a strawberry puree. It has a slight tart aftertaste, which I really like. This probably is due to the ingredients that make it a probiotic drink.

If this is available in a bigger bottle, I'd definitely drink it all the time. I feel silly drinking out of a container that i can hide if I make a fist.

It's a funny thing, this world that we know as "the land of sweet tea". It's such an easy thing to make but so many companies just lose mama's recipe and make it up as they go along. Mama wouldn't settle for that and if she knew what you were doing, she'd grab you by the ear and make you clean your room and then maybe wash the car. It's cold outside, too, but you have to learn a lesson, because you went and lost that recipe. Even though mama doesn't use recipes anymore since she's been cooking and baking from heart, but it's the principal of it. Mom never loses a single one of your dirty socks, so you should treat her with some respect and not lose her stuff.

Lipton lost mama's recipe for a long time and then found it and have recently been putting out some actual quality product as of late. Between this and the TrueLeaf they are right back on track. This tea is a decent sweet tea. You get a little of cool/sweetness from the Stevia at the very end, but before that, you've got a mass produced, easily findable, sweet tea with a true lemon flavor.

Let's get one thing straight, though. You will not have better sweet tea than you make yourself or get from an old lady in the South, but we have to deal with whatever we're dealt. A couple companies like True Brew have nailed it, but those dudes are from Texas, and they know what they're doing, too.

Want sweet tea? Try it out. You might be impressed. I was but I drink a lot and with the amount of trash that I ingest, I appreciate large companies thinking before they put out a product.

This is a diet water based drink similar to Vitamin Water or Gatorade. I took a sip and it tasted a bit strange. It was slightly chalky and tasted of citrus. There was something else there that I couldn't quite place. I handed the bottle off to Editor Dan and he couldn't place it either, although he was familiar with it. It was at this time that Dan discovered the downfall of this drink. He looked at the ingredients to try and sort out what the mystery flavor was. He didn't find what he was looking for. Instead he found that the drink contained cod, pollock, haddock, hake, cusk, redfish, sole and flounder in the form of "fish gelatin." What the hell!?!?!! I don't understand it at all, and I certainly don't approve. One sip was all that I ingested of this drink. It was mediocre at best to begin with, but the fact that I was drinking Nemo makes me say no thank you.

I actually had this a few weeks ago, but I was so disgusted by it that I left the bottle somewhere. Where to begin? How about by listing three things I love? Strawberries. Yogurt. Granola. One would think that by mixing them all together you would have awesomeness x's 3. One would also be wrong, just like this drink. It's a crime against nature that such great ingredients when mixed together would turn out so terribly. It tasted sour. I checked the expiration date and it had not passed. I also bought it from the grocery store, went home where I immediately put it in the fridge. No more than eight hours later I took it out and drank it. By drank it I mean took three sips before giving up. I shook it properly and everything. It's just not good. It's the only product Bolthouse has put out that I haven't loved. To add insult to injury there wasn't even chunks of granola in it like I had expected. It had all been blended together into a smooth liquid. Lame.

Calypso claims to be the "Taste of the islands." What I want to know is what islands? Are we talking islands out in the Caribbean, or are we talking some tiny little pieces of land in the middle of lake Minnetonka. If you don't know what that is you really need to brush up on a little movie called Purple Rain. Speaking of, I bet this is how Prince drinks to relax on a hot, hot day. He wakes up early, spends a good portion of an hour talking to himself in the mirror, heads down to his basement studio where he lays down some guitar tracks that would melt your brain, makes some pancakes, and then heads out in the backyard where he inexplicably does the Bat Dance for two hours while sipping on some Kiwi Lemonade. Of course he has his servants die it purple for him before he allows it to pass his lips.

Like all of the Calypso lemonades this is very tart. That is because they use real lemon juice and pulp to make it. You can see the lemon pulp floating in the drink, but unfortunately you can't feel them in your mouth. The thing that really stands out with Calypso is that they actually use fruit juices instead of artificial flavors. I think this may be the first drink I've ever consumed that actually has real kiwi in it. You can really tell in the flavor. Hey if it's good enough for Prince how can you argue with it?

This conversation happened in real time just moments ago.

Me: Do you want to try a drink with chunks.
Jessica: Uhh.
Me: Sure you do. I have to take a picture of it. Come on in and have some. Here.
Jessica: What does it taste like? What are the chunks?
Me: It's aloe and it usually tastes like grapes.
Jessica: It's actually pretty good.
Me: Greg, try some.
Greg: I'm not trying anything with chunks in it.
Me: Sure you are. It's part of our agreement.
Greg: It's good.
Me: Zack, try this.
Zack: It's good but I can't get past the chunks. What are they?
Me: It's aloe. Aloe Vera. The plant.
Zack: You don't know that.
Me: Sure I do.
Zack: No, you don't.
Me: Oh, I mean it's head chunks. Chunks of a person's head.

See?! Three converts from having no aloe to actually liking it. Greg took one sip in a cup and now he's got a glass refilled. Zack won't touch it and Jessica had to go back to work. Sabila, you've earned three more friends.