Diet - 615 Reviews

James. You did something nice here. Here I am, laid out in bed and you thought of me and brought me a drink. You are a treat. You overheard my like for black cherry and lemonade and you found me a black cherry lemonade. Not only that but it's not terrible for my sick body. Not only that but it tastes pretty good. Not only that but...well I guess that's it.

I spent the last three days just up-chucking all over the place. I've got old newspapers and sawdust and kitty litter all over the place covering up my hurl spots. Look around you. I don't know why you took your shoes off. I know it's typically good etiquette to do so but you should have known at the mound of dirty towels covered in pickles from McDonald's hamburgers and french fries that you shouldn't have bothered. Anyhow, this is all sparkling, fruitful, lemonady and not terrible. It's got a little Stevia taste to it but it's better than that awful diet taste.

You really are a good friend. Hey, I appreciate you coming but could you do me a favor and push that pile of napkins covered in Big Mac special sauce, mustard, and a little bit of puke off the counter before you leave? I'm trying to watch Along Came Polly and can't see Jennifer Aniston's wonderful face though my mound of spew. Thanks dude. You're the best. You can use that hockey stick over there. Please don't use your hands. It might make me lose this drink, too.

There's sugar in grapefruit, right? I mean I buy juices with no added sweeteners and there's always a decent amount of sugar in the juice, just from the fruit. The internet tells me that grapefruit has sugar, which makes sense, it's a fruit. According to Google half of a large grapefruit has 11.59g of sugar in it. So does Rob's somehow remove that sugar and replace it with erythritol, because the label on this clearly says there are zero grams of sugar. That would be some wacky science that just doesn't seem worth it.

I don't know how Rob's makes this, but this is tasty. It has the essence of grapefruit flavor without the extreme tartness. Sure it has a zero calorie sweetener in it, but it doesn't have a gross diet taste. I think the grapefruit flavor balanced it out nicely. My real question is was the erythritol really needed? Was it just used to round off the tartness? Only Rob knows and he's not talking. He's too busy with his Pirate's Booty (seriously one man, two great products. I'd give him a high five).

Dear fellow scientists, how much longer must we toil under the tyranny of water? Are we not scientists? Are we not the creators, the magic makers? H2O? I scoff at that! I propose we create a new liquid; a superior liquid. I propose to you that we create H10O. It is the power of water times 10! The problem that I am running into is that when I mix ten parts hydrogen to one part oxygen the result isn't even fluid. If it were I think it might kill you. We are scientists though and we can overcome these issues, and let marketing sort out the rest.

My assistant Billy presented this to me earlier. He calls it H10O, but it is not my vision. I guess we can present it to the public as H10O version 1.0. Billy took everyday water and infused ten different vitamins into it. See what he did there? 10? Get it? I was skeptical at first because due to his never ending diet he sweetened it with sucralose. I asked him why he just didn't leave it unsweetened, and he said that no one would want a drink that tasted like water that a multivitamin had dissolved in. To overcome the vitamin and diet flavor he also added a healthy dose of peach and mango flavors. Somehow that covered up the poison sucralose flavor of the drink. I personally hate that stuff and didn't think I could handle more than a sip, but I've downed several bottles since he first brought it to me. It's peach, it's mango, it has zero sugar in it, it's chock full of vitamins, and it doesn't taste like death. This may not be the beverage of my dreams but until one of us can properly take on the beast called science it is what H10O will have to be.

Cucumber, eh. I'll try it. Zero, eh. Alright. I don't hate Stevia and/or equivalents. Together at last? We'll see about that. After some scientific discovery, I have come up with the following conclusions. This starts off well. It's promising. It smells like cucumber and tastes like cucumber until...oh...there it is, the badness. It's overly sweet. Too sweet, even. It's that fake sweetener "too sweet" where it's sweet and cold at the same time.

Remember when you were in your freshman year of college and there was that adorable little girl that, for some reason, liked you? She was like five foot naught and somehow, without access to a legitimate kitchen, would make you cookies and cupcakes but out of the genuine sweetness of her heart and not because cupcakes are "cool" and a fad. She makes them because she wants to be noticed. She is truly sweet and was probably unfortunately taken by some dirtbag on the lacrosse team who just didn't treat her right. That simile is not like this drink. The simile to this drink is the girl you ended up with for six unfortunate days that loved light beer and was not shy to show a little too much skin and was a bit of a floozy. You knew that you made a mistake. She never made you sweets but she once bought you a cake that she got from a college party that somehow was still in one piece but had a ridiculous amount of the world's worst frosting ever one it. That's this drink. Frat cake. Too sweet. Promising on paper but just too much.

A few months ago when Dr. B's emailed us to tell us about their microbrewed teas I was very excited. It's no secret that Mike and I love a good tea, and if microbrewing could do to iced tea what it did for root beer, then everyone was in for a good time.

Dr B's obviously cares about the quality of their tea. They took the effort to use quality ingredients and brew them in a special way. By all means this should have been one heck of a beverage. The thing is the company had a lapse in their judgment. They wanted a healthy tea, so they went with a zero calorie sweetener. In that instant all of their hard work went out the window. I understand wanting to have a healthy drink available, but I wish they would have taken it the other way and not added a sweetener at all. There is monk fruit in all their teas and that would have given them a slight sweetness, which is all it would need. Unfortunately they went the Xylitol route and that cold sweetness is the most prevalent flavor in the mix. I really have nothing against natural zero calorie sweeteners, I just think that when companies decide to use them, they should use a smaller amount so it's not so overpowering. This could have been great, but instead it's hard to finish.

I hate to always bring reviews of drink such as this back to this company, but this tastes like a diet Vitamin Water. Sure there are dozens of other companies I could compare it too, but I think most people are more familiar with Vitamin Water than those other companies, so it gives them a better base for comparison. Well that was completely unnecessary and boring.

I will say that while this is a fruit punch, it's not the type of drink I think of when I hear the words fruit punch. I think companies should avoid that phrase because it makes me think of Hawiian Punch and the like, which no one really needs to drink. This is not just a bog bottle of red syrup. This is pretty light and has a more adult fruit punch flavor. I think it's interesting that they still sweeten this with cane sugar, just not as much. They make up the difference with sucralose. The mixture doesn't give it that deadly 80's diet flavor that I dread. It tastes diet, but not like poison.

The thing that differentiates Agua Enerviva from Vitamin Water is that their drinks have guarana in them, which is a natural source of caffeine. There's not enough in here to make you crazy and jittery, but it's a nice slight push to get you through your day.

Coconut: -2 points. Red Tea: +1 point. Xylitol: +1 point. Knowledge of the previous one I drank: -3 points. It took me some psyching to actually try this. I thought it was going to blow. The math just doesn't add up to something that is good. Now there is a lot to take into consideration when drinking this. Issue one is that the Xylitol in this drink runs rampant like lava flow through the ancient city of Pompeii. If you don't like this new blend of artificial sweeteners, just steer clear of this entire line because it is quite overbearing. That being said, it did a great job of covering up the taste of coconut. It's a little coconutty but not too bad. If you like coconuts, you might not like this because it's not as coconutty as you would like, I can assure you. It does manage to squeak in a little bit of a decent tea taste in between the violent tongue lashings from the Xylitol.

I hardly gave this drink a proper review but as soon as they get their mix straight and can serve me a proper flavor that doesn't taste like artificial sweetener with a hint of whatever flavor they're calling it, they'll get a decent review. For now, I work with what I have and that's not much.

Plum flavored drinks are not something that you see too often. Well, outside of an Asian market, and the plum drinks you find there are entirely different beasts that you simply want nothing to do with. They tend to taste like smoked mold. They are perhaps the worst beverages I have ever tried. I couldn't even swallow a single sip.

Real plums are great though. I went to a flea market a few weeks back and the fruit vender was closing up so he sold me 10 plums for a dollar. It was a good couple of days. I miss those days. Rob's does a great job with this drink and it actually tastes like you juiced a plum (well and then added some erythritol). I can't think of any other drink I've had that tastes so much like a plum plucked out of nature. The sweetener isn't too over powering and it actually gives it that specific bubble tea flavor. That is a taste that I will always love.

Rob's knows what they are doing with drinks, especially diet drinks. Diet no longer means absolutely terrible in this day and age. With the amount of obesity in this country it couldn't have come sooner.

Mike scored some free tickets for us to go see Insane Clown Posse tonight. Now we both think that they resemble nothing close to good musically, but the whole culture is ridiculous and interesting. Mike compared us to Jane Goodall. We were going to interact with the "apes" in their natural habitat. All I can say is holy was that worth going to. As soon as we walked up to the club the ground was littered with empty Faygo bottles. We tried our hardest not to laugh and upset the natives. We got there right before ICP went on and took our place in the balcony. The show was complete insanity. The music was bad, but I didn't realize how much they ripped off 90's radio hip-hop beats, so that made it tolerable. The show was more than I ever could have expected. There were two huge tubs full of two-liters of Faygo (which creepy clowns kept coming out to refill) and Icp kept grabbing them to pour on the audience. Violent J had his move down. He held the mic with one hand, rapping, and with the other he would open the bottle of pop and shake it up spraying it on the crowd. He had it worked out that his thumb covered the hole, so after a few shakes he let go and the thing shot off like a goddamn rocket. Even in the balcony Mike and I got hit by flying Faygo. I can't imagine cleaning up the club after that. There was Faygo everywhere. They had to have gone through at least 200 two-liters of it. I'm not even exaggerating. I remember reading that Faygo doesn't work with them at all, so they are paying for all that soda, and that's ridiculous. On top of that there were streamers, confetti and feathers (who's going chicken huntin'?) everywhere. One great thing is that with all the "meth mouth" that was in the audience you would expect it to smell terrible at the show. Instead of horrible breath and body odor the entire place reeked of root beer. How great is that?

Twice during the set there were "Faygo Breaks." During this time an army of clowns came out and just poured buckets of Faygo into the audience and tossed out two liters like they were nothing. There were accompanied by an insane strobe light, carnival music and the creepiest chant of "Get some Faygo" that I have ever heard.

I grabbed a stray bottle of diet root beer as it flew by, took a swig and passed it to Mike. He did the same and passed it to the gentleman next to him in the 5XL hockey jersey who had more face paint on than anyone ever should. The dude pounded the rest of the bottle smiled and just said "FAM-A-LY" (yes they pronounce it "A" and not "I"). I can't make this stuff up. The root beer itself was better than I expected. It had a general generic root beer flavor and it didn't taste overly diet.

On our way out we grabbed a 1/4 full bottle of cola and got a video of some down Juggalos chugging it and pouring it on each other. This is a night that we shall not forget, especially since we're legally changing our names to Mikey 2 Dope and Violent J Draper.

Thirsty Dudes. ICP. FAM-A-LY.

I'm thirsty; can you bring me a bottle of Dr. Pepper? All you have is a generic Dr. Pepper? Alright, I guess that will do. Why did you...ok, I guess you opened it for me. Thanks! But why are you carrying a vile of battery acid in your other hand? Seriously??!? You're going to skateboard the bottle over to me!? Deny it all you want, I saw some of that battery acid splash up. Ugh, I wish I wasn't so thirsty. Sure soda isn't the best thing for thirst but it's the only thing available right now.

UGH... yup, some battery acid definitely made it's way into the bottle. It's not THAT bad, but still nothing I would go out of my way of experimenting with again.

Poor Teddy used to love his root beer. Everyday after herding cattle, he would come back to his modest house and sit in his favorite chair and enjoy a nice tall bottle of root beer. Then one day the doctor told him he couldn't have any more sugar. Teddy was obviously very sad. Suddenly his life wasn't as great as it used to be without his daily root beer.

That's when he decided to make his own root beer with a new "fake" sugar called sucralose. People were skeptical at first, but once they had a sip they were sold. Sure it wasn't as sweet as real sugar, but it was a great substitute for those who can't consume sugar but still want the delicious taste of root beer.

Is this what honeybell oranges taste like? Really? Do people want this? They do? Well, jeez. I don't know what to say other than your opinions on "good tasting" fruit is terrible. This tastes like orange flavored powder mix sweetened by an overly sweetened massacre of Stevia's crappy, younger brother Xylitol. The time I spent with orange flavoring was promptly annihilated by the time I spent with a strange, overly sweet drink.

I don't know if I could correct this. Half the sweetness? Twice the tea? That might make a taller bottle. I think less sweetness could have saved this. It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that I've never had a honeybell orange before because I do, but this is no honeybell orange. Believe you me.

I've had this drink spilled on me and I've spilled this drink. I handed it off to my girlfriend to try and she thought that handing it to me at mach 3 with the lid off was a good idea. That was how it was spilled on me. I spilled it on myself because I over chugged. I didn't know what my mouth limit was and just kept chugging until I overflowed. That's a good thing for good ol' Rob. I simply couldn't get enough and threw limits out the window like an unwanted apple core. That is the only littering I do is apple cores. You will never see me throw as much as a crumpled gum wrapper out of the winder of my car. Yeah, this is the only planet we have, for now at least, but more importantly is that I'm not a scumbag.

Anyhow, this drink is good: a little tart, as advertised, and a solid juice throughout. It's quite laden with that Stevia taste that I like and if you do, too, you'll be down with this drink. If I hadn't just brushed my teeth, I would have slammed the rest of that leaving my face, torso, and floor beneath me all sticky.

I think I've reached my limit with stevia. I know it's healthier because it's a zero calorie sweetener and it tastes much better than the dreaded aspartame and sucralose, but I feel like it's in 80% of the new drinks that have come out this year. I'm just getting sick of it.

I really wish I could try this drink with real sugar. I think I would absolutely love it. A lightly passionfruit flavored water drink with some vitamins added to it sounds great. Unfortunately the stevia cuts through a little too much. I've heard that stevia helps bring out the natural flavors in a drink, but to me it has a very specific flavor that can combat the actual flavor of the drink a bit too much for my liking. The aftertaste of this is too stevia for me. The entire passionfruit flavor is lost after you swallow. It's unfortunate. Minus the stevia this is a great drink. I would truly enjoy this other than that.

For those of you who grew up Southern Ontario, or Western New York any time from 1888 until 1989 probably remembers Crystal Beach (I can't believe it was around for a hundred years). It was a great amusement park, which was basically Coney Island on Lake Erie. Growing up in the 80's, the 1980's, we hand a handful of amusement parks within an hour drive of us. My favorite was always Crystal Beach. It had great rides, but on top of that it also had a beach, which gave the park a completely different feel than Darien Lake, Fantasy Island and the other smaller parks. It always felt like I was traveling back in time, or stepping into a completely different world when I was there. We would always go early, hit up some rides, and then head to the beach for a few hours before finishing up the night with some more rides. The world famous roller coaster The Comet was always ridden as much as possible. Every trip to the park would be concluded by getting one of the fancy suckers they sold there and going on the “umbrella ride” that carried us in a cart over the park and over part of the beach. Once I was on that ride I knew my day of fun was over, but it was always a fitting end to a great day.

Now I've hated coconut since I was a kid. I just recently started to like coconut water, but I did and still do despise the candied and toasted coconut flavors. For some reason I really liked the pina colada suckers they had at the park. I don't know if I just got them because I thought I was being a rebellious kid getting a sucker named after an alcoholic drink or what. All I know is for some unknown reason these suckers got a pass from my hatred. When I took a sip of this beverage my first thought was “oh gross candied coconut.” Then a second later I realized it tasted exactly like those suckers, and I was okay with it. It has a watered down pineapple flavor that gets overpowered by coconut at the end. It tastes nothing like coconut water though. In reality it has the coconut flavor that I can't stand in most cases, but it brought me back to some great family outings from my childhood, and I can't hold a flavor I don't like against it.

Organic energy. What better way to do it, right? Anyone who drinks Red Bull or any of those types of energy drinks has to know that it's not at all healthy for them. You know that, right? Nothing that pungent and cringe-worthy can be natural. This is and because of it, it's a heck of a lot tamer. Perhaps less effective than the rocket fuel you are used to drinking, this is actually drinkable. It's a little bitter from the green tea and the coffee bean but it's actually considered a sparkling fruit drink. I can't actually taste anything in particular but here's the fruit roll call: lemon, pomegranate, and elderberry.

If you are sick of what extreme sports is telling you to drink and want to calm down and be a functioning adult for once in your life, drink this. You might not go back to "the other guys" unless we're talking about that Will Ferrel and Mark Wahlberg vehicle because I would love to watch that movie again.

Did you know that Beavis and Butthead was set in Texas? I had no idea until I just read that online. Did they ever come out and say that in the show, or is it something that Mike Judge just proclaimed? Either way I bet living down in the south like that must be a real bummer for them. Sure it can be rainy and kind of cold, but it's the good kind of cold, and autumn in the northeast is the best smelling time of year. On top of that I bet those troubled boys have never had apple cider in their life, well at least not anything decent.

A nice glass of cider is really the heart of the season if you ask an expert like myself. Dr. B's understands this and wanted to make a drink that the entire world could enjoy, even if they were thousands of miles away from a cider mill. At first sip this just tastes like watered down cider, or more specifically what a Cider flavored Vitamin Water would taste like. The more you drink the more the subtlety of the tea comes out. This is in fact a tea that is flavored with spiced apple juice. So it's not watered down at all. It's just not overly flavored, which is a different thing all together. If you don't go into this expecting a full-bodied cider then you won't have any disappointments. It is what it claims to be and it does it well. I wish I could try this without any sweetener added. The taste of the Xylitol is faint, and does not interfere with the flavor much, but I've grown to love completely unsweetened drinks lately.

Superfruit. How can you lose? It's vague, but who cares. Superman is vague but you get the point. He's better than a regular man. Wonder Woman? Sure, the naming convention is not there but you get it. Jay loves comic books and when he reads this, he will think one of two things. One: why is Mike once again talking about things he knows nothing about? Two: Mike's talking about comic books and he is awesome.

So as much as I would like to believe that somewhere on the Earth there is one fruit called a "Superfruit" that not only has a killer name but it also trumps all other fruits in things like flavor, sweetness, and that strange antioxidant chart. This drink, I've got to say was good but this so-called "Superfruit" got pushed around a little like a fit, muscular dude at comic book convention. No respect. This drink tastes good; very fruity and reminiscent of berries. It's nice. Now here's where the "if" or "but" comes in. If you don't like natural, low calories sweeteners like Stevia, this drink will lose points because as "super" as this drink is, it's being pushed aside by then. Those dweebs. Since I don't hate them and have begun to like and appreciate the taste, I actually thought this drink was pretty good.

Superfruit? Sure, you can call it whatever you'd like. Without any photographic proof, I can't really believe you. It's the scientist in me. Ask Jay and he'll tell you the same thing. Then ask Jay about his love for cats and Michael Stipe. Go ahead. I dare you.

After high school all of Stan's friends went to college to become teachers and businessmen. He knew from an early age that he would not follow the same path. He wasn't dumb or anything. He actually got high marks in school, but he just had no interest in higher education. As soon as he got his diploma at the end of his senior year he enrolled in clown school. Clowning seemed like a dream come true. His classes failed to hold his attention though, and after a semester he dropped out. He then spent a few months just hanging out, working at his uncle's shop. Then one afternoon he was on break flipping through the local arts paper and he saw an ad that would change his life forever. He had been close with clown college, but he now knew that his true calling was to be a magician. He emptied his bank account and took a three week crash course in magicianery. It was there that his instructor gave his the stage name of Zevia the Magnificent, a title that the whole world would soon know.

While he loved being a magician, he really wasn't very good at it. His rabbit would always end up in an audience members purse instead of his hat, and he could never keep a firm grasp on those darn rings, what did they polish them with anyways, lard? One trick that he did master was to hypnotize people into thinking that diet pop tasted good. His secret was that he would make his own soda and sweeten it with a natural zero calorie sweetener caller stevia. This was in the late 90's when everyone was trying to keep the pounds off with aspartame and sucralose. They never knew what hit them. One flavor that he worked hard on was a diet ginger ale. Even though there weren't many diet ginger ales on the market, and people weren't familiar with it, he still thought it was integral to his act. It didn't really taste like the other ginger ales he had drank in the past. It was more like slightly sweet seltzer water with a slight ginger taste to it. He prided himself on using real ginger, but not enough to have any sort of heat to it. It was a completely non-offensive soda that he drank all the time, and why not when it had no sugar and no calories. Sure it could have used a bit more flavor, but who was going to argue with it' healthiness compared to the leading brands?

It was during the portion of his act when he was convincing people that diet soda could taste good when his infamy began. The prime minister of China was in the audience that evening for some unknown reason. Zevia's helper monkey became irate and flung his dung at the prime minister before shaking up a can of soda and spraying it in the foreign dignitaries face. As you well know that was the catalyst for World War 3. Zevia the Magnificent, and his monkey, were later tried for war crimes, and we all know the outcome of that.

Going into this I knew this was going to be bad. Any energy drink found at Big Lots (where drinks go to die) named "Max Velocity" is not good. On top of it, there's no flavor on this. What flavor is "Uncaged"? At least there's a grainy photo of a cheetah on the can.

Yup I was right, it's like a Red Bull/ Mountain Dew mix. So gross. It burns the throat as it goes down.