Diet - 615 Reviews

“To achieve a hippy utopia through the use of brewed beverages.” I'm pretty sure that is the mission statement of the Peace Tea company. For the most part I think they might be on the right track. Their beverages are inexpensive so the common man can afford them. They also use decent sweeteners for health reasons. On top of all of that 90% of their line of teas taste pretty fantastic. It's a tea nearly everyone can afford and enjoy and isn't that the basis for a utopian civilization?

As far as I know this is the only diet tea they have yet to put out. I had my reservations about it, hence it took me so long to actually get around to drinking and reviewing it. Happily it wasn't all that bad. In fact I straight up enjoyed it. The strength of the green tea overpowered the sucralose and it didn't have that gross diet taste to it, well not too much. I honestly expected to drink a couple of sips of this and then pass it off to someone else, but I ended up downing it all myself. When it was nice and cold is when it was at its peak. The warmer it got the more the sucralose was noticeable.

My only question for the company is if you're striving for peace, what's up with all of the weird propaganda slogans on your cans? Are you trying to lull everyone into a sense of peace and well being and then arise as our new overlords? Are you actually the bringers of the apocalypse? Either way, good job on the tea. I'll be drinking many more.

ATTN: CANADIANS!

Are you looking for an energy drink that fits into your countries unique tastes? If so I've got what you're looking for right here. You see I have learned that people from Canada are obsessed with Tahitian Treat pop, and that they buy it buy the case when they can get their grubby maple syrup covered hands on it. I don't believe I know a single American who has ever expressed interest in Tahitian Treat, but I know Canadians who go gaga over it. If you're not familiar it is a fruit punch flavored soda that has a very specific taste. This energy drink also has that taste with the energy drink flavor mixed in.

I started off thinking this was okay. Then about halfway through the can it got almost sour, and by the time I was ¾ through I felt like my tongue was going numb. I think I might have liked it more because of those things. I am strange. I have accepted it. Now smuggle some of this over the border in your trunk full of soda.

Do you want a night of completely mundane dreams? Well then I have the water for you. I drank this last night and I dreamt that I was at the grocery store checking all the drinks against the list on my phone to see if we had reviewed it. You know, like how I spend most of my days. Then when I cashed out there was a problem with my card and a manager got called over. He then yelled at the cashier, whom I stuck up for and a shouting match ensued. Completely boring.

The thing is that you don't drink these to have insane crazy dreams. You drink them to sleep, and it performed that function perfectly. I tossed and turned for an hour last night. It was obviously that I wasn't getting any closer to Slumberland on my own. I needed help from a bottle. Within 15 minutes of slamming this down my gullet I was out cold.

The drink was also surprisingly not gross. As we've stated dozens of times drinks that come in shot forms are gross by nature. This on the other hand tastes like a flavor of Vitamin Water Zero. It's pomegranate and blueberry flavored, and it doesn't taste chemical at all. It tastes like flavored water, and it doesn't even taste concentrated. I like it as a drink, and I love it as a sleep aid. This is a win-win for everyone except my dreams.

Do you know how coffee is produced? I certainly had no idea until about a year ago when I visited a coffee plantation. Okay, I had an inkling when we got those Bai drinks to review that are made with coffee fruit. The point is that it grows on bushes and there are these little green berries. Once the berries ripen they turn red, and are harvested. Inside the berries are the coffee seeds or beans, which are dried and roasted to brew the coffee that you drink for your get up and go.

When the coffee berries are still green they still contain a decent amount of caffeine, so Starbucks, amongst other companies, have started using them to make alternative energy drinks. These drinks aren't quite coffee and they certainly aren't traditional energy drinks, but they still give you a nice little boost without any added chemicals.

This little guy right here is quite aromatic. As soon as I cracked it open my car was greeted with the scent of strawberries. It's one of their weird two tier flavored drinks. While it's in your mouth it tastes like a nice watered down, carbonated strawberry lemonade. It's not tart at all, but it still has that lemonade flavor. Then when you swallow the slight bitterness of the coffee berry kicks in, and the berry flavor fades away. When I was at that coffee plantation I tried a green coffee berry and it was incredibly bitter on it's own. The sweetener in here takes care of that a bit, but it lingers some in the aftertaste.

I do wish this was stronger on the lemonade side of things, but for an energy drink that doesn't taste like your run of the mill toxic garbage, I can handle what they give me.

Peaches are soft, weak fruits. They've got a fuzzy exterior and are a soft pink color. They're wimps. Cue wild peaches: tough guys with hard exteriors. Emotionless, these guys go into bars, dump popcorn on your head and then hit on your girlfriend. They are notorious for kicking sand at you when you are at the beach. That's the worst kind of bully right there. They do it when you, a human, are asleep. All fruit has their own life. What?! You thought they just hung out on vines and trees all day? Nope. Wrong. When you juice a peach, which is like genocide, but that's an argument all in its own, you get juice. When you juice a wild peach, you get all the piss and vinegar that comes with it in the form of energy.

Hydrive, the foremost hater of wild peaches put this little drink together because they think you would like it and they actually have the ability to bottle up their enemy. If you could, you would. The taste of success is sweet, a little diet, but definitely sharper than a regular peach drink which is as soft as a fresh pup's fur. This doesn't taste like peach too much at all so if you hate peaches like Hydrive hates their crazy relatives, you might still like this.

If those wild peaches didn't pee in the window of CEO of Hydrive's car and put all those framing bags of wild peach poop on his front porch, we wouldn't be able to enjoy this drink. He is the mastermind behind this but they're seriously jerks.

Ahh mocktails, the perfect drink for a summer afternoon. This drink fits many "perfect" slots for many people, too. For instance, did you know that you cannot drink when you are pregnant? Well, technically you can but there's no telling what will happen to the baby growing inside your tummy. Answer? Mocktails. Alcoholics shouldn't drink because it could quickly spiral out of control for them and the next thing you know they'll have a unicorn with a rainbow on it tattooed on their ankle. No one, not even fans of unicorns want that tattoo. Who else would love a mocktail? Kids? It's a stretch but kids that want to act cool and drink like their parents could drink mocktails all day long.

Now onto the drink itself: It's a fantastically retro peach Bellini. Traditionally made with sparkling wine and peach puree, this drink is probably closer to none of those things. It's not sparkling although you probably could make this with seltzer water and it would be spot on. It does taste quite peachy and no, I don't mean that in a 1996 KoЯn kind of way. Could you imagine if you went backstage at a KoЯn show and Munky, Head, and Fieldy were all drinking mocktail peach Bellinis? That would have been quite an image. Tough, nu-metal dudes drinking a low-cal faux alcoholic drink? I mean, they are professionals and had a show to put on. I would imagine that the pre-show ritual would include mock drinks but the post-show would involve shear chaos.

This drink isn't bad. It doesn't taste terribly diet, which is a plus and a bit of a shocker since I can usually spot a disgusting aspartame drink a mile away. This is loud on the peach, but take it from someone who isn't 100% into peaches, it's still good. KoЯn agrees. The Allman Brothers agree. The Presidents of the United States of America agree. This peach Bellini is pretty good.

The name of this flavor instantly made me think of Gatorade. It's like a word association in my head. You say “Frostberry Blast” and I think of “Frost Glacier Freeze.” The fact that there is blue in this packaging and the Gatorade is also blue helped as well. I'm glad I had that association because as far as I can remember they also taste similar. Well it tastes like Frost Glacier Freeze mixed with one of those random flavors of Mountain Dew (Voltage). It's blue raspberry flavored, but it's sweetened with sucralose, so it's not overly sweet. It actually doesn't taste overly diet either. I'm pretty into this. It's a nice change up from your normal energy drink flavors.

Xyience was ahead of the game due to their name as it is. As a man who now owns a lab coat, I assure you that anything to do with science I will look upon with favor. I mean they must have scientists working for them to come up with the idea to ship their drinks in the canisters banks use for their pneumatic tubes.

They are also the official energy drink of UFC. I hope that when they unveiled this it was at a match. Two of the fighters entered the ring in lab coats and goggles. They were each handed a can of Frostberry Blast, which they instantly chugged and then proceeded to just beat the hell out of each other while they were all hopped up. I just really want to see two people in scientist attire go toe to toe. It can be ultimate fighters or it could be the nerdiest, gangliest dudes that NASA has to offer. I'm fine with it either way.

With the exception of Bright Citrus, us folks here at Thirsty Dudes have not been huge fans of Cascal sodas. I think we would have loved most of the flavors, if the whole point of the company weren't that they make fermented sodas. Take away the fermentation and slight alcohol taste that it causes and these would be severely interesting sodas. With flavors like apple and anise things are bound to get wacky. Unfortunately that flavor that is gross to those of us who don't drink gets in the way and ruins everything. I have to admit that my friends who do partake in alcohol like these a lot more than those of us who do not. I believe they are accustomed to that flavor.

While this flavor does tastes a bit hoppy, it didn't bother me as much as it has with the other flavors. Perhaps I myself am becoming more accustomed to the flavor, but it wasn't bad. It tastes like a citrus and berry soda, two flavors that normally don't commingle. Why is that? There is berry based fruit punch and tropical citrus bases, but it's not often that they overlap. That needs to change because if this drink is any indication they pair nicely. It's a good tasting sparkling juice and as I said if you don't mind the fermentation flavor grab yourself a can.

I think it's safe to say that 95% of the people in America wished they were in better shape. From the slob couch potatoes whose idea of exercise is reaching for the remote to folks who spend a good deal of their time at the gym, everyone would like to improve themselves. It's natural. People are supposed to be active. Companies know this is how people feel and they play to it. Why do you think there are so many “diet' drinks out on the market? So L'eau took it a step further. They didn't settle for a drink that had less calories and fake sugar. They went out and created a natural body supplement (I have no idea what it is) that actually aids in weight loss. The bottle says they ran studies with this supplement and the woman who took it lost significantly more weight than those who did not. After that success they produced their supplement in drink form. It basically tastes like Vitamin Water Zero, as both are flavored waters that use Erythritol as a sweetener. This bottle is supposed to be mixed berry, and it has a subtle berry flavor to it, but unfortunately the main flavor is the zero calorie sweetener, and it just gets stronger with each sip. You might think, “Well that's not that bad, I'll deal with the flavor if it will help me lose weight.” The rub is that in their study the woman who used the supplement had enough to equal three bottles of this daily for 8-weeks and still did a bunch of exercise. It's not a magical cure all, but it apparently does help a little. You just have to drink a buttload of it.

Jeremy had a very limited space at his farm but since farming was in his blood, he never gave it up. He harvested only strawberries and herded one thing, which oddly enough, were dragons. Yes, sure the strawberries encroached into the dragon pen but the dragons never cared about having to eat them. Jeremy didn't mind either. It was a lot cheaper than feeding the dragons their usual diet of giant rats, mice, and Raisin Bran.

Once a week, Jeremy would milk the dragons to harvest their juice. Yes, dragons lactate juice. Where did you think that dragonfruit flavored drinks get their taste from, an actual fruit? That's crazy. He would get all the juice, put it inside a giant containment unit and then hand squish strawberries into it and make his own juice. This juice was nothing short of awesome, too. It was sweet and still left room to taste like both strawberries and dragonfruit. Jeremy was concerned about health and was also on the forefront of sweeteners so he used natural alternative sweeteners like Stevia.

One day, a giant tour bus drove up to Jeremy's farm. The door opened and loud rock music and smoke emerged. Three men in black suits came out. Two were some of the largest men he'd ever seen. The one in the middle carried a suitcase. He explained that he worked for Sobe and was prepared to offer him "a large sum of money" for his secret. Jeremy, having done this for about fifteen years, thought that it might be time to start something new like becoming a honeydipper or used car salesman. He shook the smaller mans tiny, frail, uncalloused hands, and said goodbye to the two behemoths who gave him a nod but didn't actually say anything which Jeremy thought was rude.

Jeremy was rich. His hard work had paid off and now he could spend time riding the dragons and eating strawberries rather than making juice out of them.

This has been sitting on my shelf for longer than any other drink I have to review. I don't particularly like Big Red. It tastes like bubble gum with a hundred pounds of sugar added to it. After one sip I swear I can feel my teeth rotting. On top of disliking the flavor, I also am not a fan of most diet drinks. That is two strikes going against this drink and it was enough for it to sit in my cupboard for over six months.

I decided I should start working on getting all of these older drinks reviewed before I worry about the newer ones. Basically I was sick of looking at this can every time I opened the cupboard. The company sent us samples and it was a “preview” can that is just a silver can with a sticker on it. I actually like the look a lot, and I wish it were the real label. I looked online and apparently this new diet version of the drink is sweetened with sucralose, Ace-K, and aspartame. That's a whole lot of artificial flavors that I want little to do with. The thing is, I found this to be better than the original version of the drink. It still has that bubblegum flavor, but it kind of masks the flavors of the artificial sweeteners, and it doesn't tastes like you're drinking an entire barrel of sugar. It's sweet, but not cavity sweet, and with only slight fake sugar flavor. I think you may be onto something here Big Red.

Woke up feeling 100%. Fed that kid I know, changed him, felt nauseous, half an hour later until now at almost three in the afternoon. Just spinning. I got enough sleep but feel like I could sleep for another five hours. Since I won't do that, I had to come up with another option. That option? Gatorade. I needed those harvested electrolytes wrangled up and put inside of my frail, crumbling frame.

Lucky for me, this wasn't some experimental flavor, but a simple, classic flavor. It tastes nothing like actual, real, physical grapes, but tastes like "faux" grapes, a taste I am more than familiar with. Look, grape pop plays a limited role in my mouth, but grape other things are more than welcome to play volleyball with my "hangy ball" any time they would like. This is an open invitation to most things grape. This was good and more importantly, safe. I will see how it works in my favor after the electrolytes, which plants do in fact crave, fight the dizzies in my head to regulate me back to where they should be. I will fully allow the fight to continue. It's a "greater good" scenario.

Folks, let's just face the facts. The chances of anyone out there actually making a watermelon flavored drink that tastes like watermelons are slim to none. Most things that are supposed to be watermelon end up tasting like Jolly Ranchers. They only get the credit because there zero amount of research I will claim them as the first company to try and harness the essence of watermelon. It's not a bad flavor, but it certainly tastes absolutely nothing like the fruit. There is so much water in watermelon that it would probably take 50 full grown melons to get enough essence juice to make an 8oz beverage. It's just not cost effective, especially since I don't think there are any real health benefits to that specific fruit. Rant over.

While this doesn't actually taste like watermelon, it does have a decent blueberry flavor to it. It's also the strongest tasting Cascade Ice that I have tried. Sure it's sweetened with sucralose and is essentially flavored seltzer water (a losing combination in my book) it is still remotely enjoyable for me. I keep thinking “I'm really not into this,” but as soon as the flavor leaves my mouth I find myself taking another sip. I can only assume that those of you out there who are into diet drinks, and who are not grossed out by the taste of sucralose, would really enjoy this. With zero calories you could drink an entire case of this and not feel terrible about yourself, well except for the fact that you peed your pants.

Ice is everywhere. It is nice to chill your drinks, keep your food from spoiling and even preserving cavemen in ice until they can be unfrozen in California and turn out to be a way cool dude. The problem with ice is that it's not very portable. It requires large, bulky equipment to move it anywhere without it melting. Sure there is the dry ice option, but the number of people who just burn the hell out of themselves with it is astronomical. Scientists have been hard at work in the labs trying to invent “liquid ice.” If their plans come to fruition it would be less bulky and easier to cart around your frozen Neanderthals. Sure people mocked them saying that liquid ice is nothing but cold water, but that didn't stop them. They kept trucking on in their research. Many experiments were performed, but unfortunately they did not achieve their goal. Instead they invented an energy drink. You would think with all the chemicals they would use anything that was created should not be ingested, but these scientists thought outside of the box and tried non-toxic materials. Since their real research seemed to be going nowhere they ditched the actual liquid ice idea, kept the name and started marketing it. They ended up with a diet energy drink that had sucralose in it. It really just tasted like liquid Spree candy, if that candy was made from compressed sucralose instead of compressed sugar. It wasn't mind blowing, but they thought that since no other energy drink company had yet to call dibs on the Spree flavor that might as well. That is the story. I heard it from my cousin's nephew's third grade teacher, and she would never lie. Liars have to stand in the corner.

Would you call me a hater? Friends and fans, would you call me a hater? Now, granted, I don't exactly know what a hater is, but I wouldn't define myself as a hater. I dislike a lot of things but I would say that is because I'm terribly cynical and apathetic. That is a mixture that will destroy you from the inside out. It's exhausting. I enjoy Stevia and it's subsidiaries. I have not been happy with Zevia. I've got a diabetic friend with great Morrissey hair that loves the stuff but for me, it's bland. Yeah, that's the world. Bland. If you could water Dr. Pepper down with carbonated water and sweeten it with Stevia rather than sucralose or something, you would have this drink. You actually have to search for the flavor. Knowing this was supposed to be Dr. Pepper, I've got to say, this drink is 12% of what Dr. Pepper is. As described by Dan, a copywriter who loves soccer, Dr. Pepper is supposed to be dark. Zack, half of my boss entity who enjoys Dr. Pepper, said that it tastes like cherry Fresca, and that to me sounds like an insult.

Didn't hit the nail on the head with this one, Zevia. It's alright. You'll do better. Stop mocking other drinks though because people have preconceptions and you will not deliver.

Sprite and 7-Up. That's what we think when we hear "lemon lime". To drink something lemon lime that isn't carbonated is just kind of strange. It's not the non-pop company's fault; they were just there first and more prominently. Now the new jacks have to make up for lost time. Fresh Healthy Stuff helps themselves to the cake by making a cool, interactive cap that snaps on any bottled water. Surprisingly, it doesn't spill when you shake it. I am notorious for using too much water, having to take the cap off to compensate, and then spilling some water, but that's because I'm a dumb dummy.

One thing I will say is that it is so hard to get the cap to push the mix in the drink. First one I didn't have a terrible time. My girlfriend couldn't do it. The one that I had last night though, brother. No way. I was pushing so hard and couldn't get it. I eventually had to put the cap on and slam the cap against the bottom of my cabinet to get it to go. It did, it mixed and I drank it.

Flavor hour? It's good. It's a bit...vitaminy, but it's not terrible. The orange was better. It was an expectant flavor but was a bit...tingy. Is that a word? It's underlined red which means that it isn't but you know what? It, like Yiddish, translates.

All I can think of since I picked up this can today is that stupid Metallica song “Fuel.” The terrible tribal flames on the can don't do much to help either. There is a broken record in my head, and all I hear is “Give me fuel. Give me fire. Give me that which I desire.” Infinite loop. I don't even know if I've ever even listened to the entire song. Do you remember back in the 80's when bands like Metallica and Slayer seemed like the evilest things ever? I remember the kid down the street from me stole a Slayer tape from his brother and I was scared to listen to it. We finally did and I thought it was the fastest music I had ever heard. I also thought that it was pretty awesome. That same kid and I also got in trouble that year in school because we were reading a Sandman comic that had the devil in it (he didn't even look like a demon, just a dude). The fact of the matter is that both those bands were decent back then, but now I have friends that are in bands that play way faster and are way more evil. It's strange how our perceptions change.

I can tell you two perceptions of mine that I don't think will ever change. First off newer Metallica is garbage and it feels like the band is playing a joke on people. Secondly this is not a very good energy drink. It just tastes like carbonated diet sugar water with the faintest hint of fruit punch. There isn't even a fake candy taste to it. It's just total sucralose. I'm a guy who prefers diet Red Bull to the regular version, and I just can't get down with this. It does its job of getting you energized, but there are hoards of other diet energy drinks out there that do the same while tasting better. Leave this one to gather dust in discount stores.

Sometimes we get to a point where we have just reviewed far too many flavors of the same product line. What's left to say? That you're stuck in a desert and your hallucinating from the heat and lack of fluids, so you follow a lizard, and the lizard talks to you and tells you the secrets of the universe, and informs you specifically what the secret behind pi is. Finally he reaches into his stomach and pulls out a bottle of mango melon flavored Lifewater. The bottle is dripping with viscera and such, but as I said you've been wandering this godforsaken desert for what feels like 40 days and nights and you're wondering how the Jews did it in the bible, so you open the bottle and even though lizard guts are touching your lips you chug that bottle of refreshment. It tastes like someone dissolved a mango and melon flavored powder in a bottle of water and didn't quite shake it up well enough. It also tastes very diet, but in the erythritol way and not the sucralose way, you know the way that is tolerable. As soon as you swallow that last drop that tastes somehow grainy even though it doesn't in texture, you turn to look at the lizard, but you realize that you're not in the desert at all. You are actually in the middle of math class and you've drooled all over your protractor. There is an empty bottle on the floor next to your desk and you have a vague recollection of buying it from the pop machine in the cafeteria. For some reason there is still lizard guts on your lips. Is that what's left to say? If so, strange times indeed.

Jay isn't the only rock star in Thirsty Dudes. It's true. At one time, I used to play bass for a math, indie rock band. It was awesome and I had a lot of fun the entire time we were a band. We were all great friends and loved practicing. The drummer and I, making up the rhythm section were called "The Rhythm Section" and the singer and two guitar players were known as "The Turds," for no reason. It just came to be and that's how it always was. There was no rivalry or anything, it was just a name and it stuck.

This drink is called "Rhythm" and I like it. There is no food called "rhythm" but there is a starfruit and citrus flavored fruits, which make up this drink. I've got to say, it's pretty spot on. I've only had a starfruit once or twice in my life, but I've had enough "citric" fruits to be able to pick them out of a lineup. Those two mixed with the erythritol is a nice, cool, citric sweet treat that I somehow just destroyed a bottle in like ten minutes of casual drinking. I normally don't drink that fast so I'm either dehydrated or it's that good. I'll give those boys over at Vitamin Water the benefit of the doubt and call it a great drink.

Flo was a waitress who was always on her feet. From morning to night she worked in that diner serving chicken fried steak and steak fried chicken and delicious cinnamon pie. People would come from all around to get the best possible service from Flo. Problem is that Flo was a bit large. She was the nicest woman in the world, but easily clocked in at over three bills. Reason being is that for the last thirty-odd years she ate at the diner during lunch and dinner and the food there wasn't exactly healthy. Sure they had vegetables, but they had butter on them and came with a side of grits or mashed potatoes. Nothing diet-friendly would enter there. People knew that was why the food was so good. Home cooking at its finest.

When Flo stood on her scale at home before work it made her think that she had to do something or she wasn't ever going to get out of the rut she was in. She would work and have the cook make her a salad with vegetables with no butter and she drank a lot of water. The diner started carrying some Waist Watcher drinks there that she liked. The vanilla cream was her favorite. It tasted more like a vanilla candy rather than a cream soda because it was so sweet. It tasted like a diet pop but that's what Splenda will do to a drink.

Slowly but surely she started dropping pounds and the patrons started to take notice. Her tips started to increase because they knew how hard she was trying and in a couple years with hard work and a lot of diet pop, she got to a regiment that worked for her and lost all the weight that she gained over the past dozen or so years. She felt great thanks to unbuttered, unfried food, exercise, and Waist Watcher.