Other/Weird - 154 Reviews

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Pineapple

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Pineapple
The consistency of Vita Lina drinks is so strange. From the look of it sloshing around the bottle you wouldn't think that it flowed any different from a random drink. You don't really notice the strangeness until it's in your mouth. It's not syrupy. It's more like a watered down gel, but the viscosity of it is not something that is normal in drinks. I would like to say that I got over it and that it makes the drink fun, but this is my third bottle of their products and I still am hesitant to drink them. I know they taste great, but the consistency just throws me off. It's not gross. It's just weird.

As far as the flavor goes, this has a real pineapple flavor to it, without the harsh edge of the fruit. It tastes like of like it should be a pineapple “drink” and not juice. I don't mean that in a bad way though. Sometimes pineapple juice can be far too acidic to drink a lot of. Once you convince yourself that you're over the texture of this, you can drink this all day long.
Rating
๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ
Categories
Other/Weird, Juice and Iced Tea
Company
Vita Lina
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 7/28/12, 12:32 PM
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Mi Canton Horchata Sabor De Morro

Mi Canton Horchata Sabor De Morro
I decided to continue my mind trip to our neighbors to the south with this beverage. No, I'm not drinking apple soda and this back to back, I'm just writing the reviews at the same time.

For those of you who are not familiar with horchata (I'm expecting that to be the majority of you reading this), turn off your computer, make your way to the closest authentic Mexican restaurant to you (of course Chipotle doesn't count!) and order yourself the biggest glass possible. You don't even need to know what it is. You have the assurance of the Thirsty Dudes that you will love it. Actually if you are lactose intolerant or vegan ignore that order because you will either get really sick or the vegan police will come after you. If that is the case, we assure you that you will not love the way you feel after drinking it.

Horchata is rice, milk and spices (mostly cinnamon) in Mexican culture. Other countries have their own varieties, but the Mexican version is the only one I have ever tried. I admit, it doesn't sound too appealing, but something happens when those ingredients are mixed together that is magical. It still has a slight rice flavor, but nothing horrible. Actually none of the flavors are too overbearing. They all mix together and live in food racial food harmony.

I've only ever had one prepackaged horchata before, and it was a bit on the gross side. If it's not coming from one of those constantly churning drink machines that used to always be in restaurants, but that you don't see too often anymore…โ‚ฌยฆwell then I would tend to avoid it. My friend Ian bought me this when we were on tour together, and I'm glad he did, because it's one of the best horchatas I've had. It tastes like it came right from the machine. Everything is in perfect balance (unlike my last prepackaged one). Now I really want to eat a burrito. Too bad it's so late and I'm too lazy to make one.
Rating
๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ
Categories
Milk and Other/Weird
Company
Mi CantonWebsite
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 7/18/12, 11:22 PM
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Mamma Chia Vitality Beverage Pomegranate Mint

Mamma Chia Vitality Beverage Pomegranate Mint
I currently have a sore throat and I was hoping that by drinking this it would help. I remembered last time I had a chia seed drink, it felt like it was massaging my throat as the slimy little things slid down. While it does indeed still do this, it didn't give the desired relief from pain that I was expecting.

Drinking this is weird because since there are so many seeds, you feel like you have to chew on them before swallowing. I have been trying for 5 minutes now and they just slide out from under my teeth anytime I try to chew. Now I'm thinking about all these seeds I'm ingesting and irrational worrying about that urban legend about swallowing seeds and plants growing inside you.

"We did an x-ray and we found a full size Chia Pet in your stomach". That would probably get me on the cover of Weekly World News, or at least #4 on a blog article titled "10 of the weirdest things found inside a person's stomach".

I was expecting this to have more of a mint taste. Maybe they forgot to mix it in, because all I taste is pomegranate. I love pomegranate, but I was excited to see what pomegranate mint would taste like. Maybe I should drop a 'wint-o-green' Lifesaver inside to see. Rats, I don't have any.
Rating
๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ
Categories
Chunky, Juice and Other/Weird
Company
Mamma ChiaWebsite@MammaChia1
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave
Author
Derek Neuland on 7/18/12, 1:51 PM
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Neuro Sun

Neuro Sun
Whenever I draw the sun, I draw it wearing glasses. It only makes sense, right? I mean, what is the brightest place in the world? Probably as the sun, right? You think that living in the desert having the sun beaming down at you is bad? Try being the sun. Did you know that the sun has never, and can never, look at itself in the mirror or it will implode on itself? So much sun directly focused on itself would cause the largest explosion the universe has ever seen, and that's coming from a scientist. In the same respect, if the sun, once again, who wears glasses, drinks Neuro Sun, it will explode. The sun creates vitamin D. It does not ingest it. The sun doesn't like it and it sheds it like sweat. The sun sweats vitamin D. You don't drink sweat and the sun doesn't drink vitamin D.

You, a person, can ingest all the vitamin D you can handle. You are a person, not the sun. You can wear yellow like Curious George's caregiver, or wear glasses like...someone who doesn't like to squint, but you can never be the sun. I'm not even going to apologize. That's a stupid request...wanting to be the sun. If you, like me, don't go outside as much as you should because of work, laziness, eight months of sunless weather, you don't get the vitamin D you deserve or need. Hence, a tropical flavored supplement. Sure, it's a bit diet tasting and a pretty nondescript "tropical" (note the quotes) flavor, but it's not terrible. It's not carbonated and is moderately sweet and is drinkable but most importantly, and as the primary selling point, it is chocked full of vitamin D, you know, from the sun.

You need the sun. You are not the sun. You don't need the tropics or the taste of it, but you like it. This drink is not mandatory, but it offers more than most drinks. That has to count for something.
Rating
๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ›
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement and Other/Weird
Company
NeuroWebsite@drinkneuro
Country
United States
Sweetener
Crystalline Fructose
Author
Mike Literman on 7/3/12, 9:48 PM
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Boozer Hangover Remedy

Boozer Hangover Remedy
You know how in old movies whenever someone would get trapped up in a snowstorm somewhere in the arctic or some such thing a giant Saint Bernard would come out of nowhere with a barrel full of brandy strapped to its neck? Apparently the brandy would slow down the effects of frostbite. Is there a more adorable way to be saved from a frozen death? Okay koalas dragging you to safety would be pretty cute.

Well the Saint Bernard's day in the sun is over. There's a new pup on the block and he's a coonhound named Boozer. He will never save you from an avalanche, but he just may save you from a killer hangover. While many people may be bummed out that he doesn't carry around a barrel of alcohol, he does carry around a can of hangover remedy that you will thank him for in the morning. It's a mixture of vitamins and herbs that help to rejuvenate your body and fight the dehydration that alcohol can cause. It has a mild citrus flavor that combats the taste of the vitamins. The fight is kind of in a stalemate. You can taste the citrus, but it isn't strong enough to fully cover up the tastes of the vitamins. It's not horrible, but it's not something you would drink recreationally, which you shouldn't anyways as it's a beverage with a specific purpose. As an added bonus once you take the can from our friend the dog, he's free to tear it up for the night. He can get tanked and rip it up on the dance floor.

It has taken us over a year to review this from when Boozer sent it to us. Sorry guys, we messed up.
Rating
๐Ÿฅƒ๐Ÿฅƒ๐Ÿฅƒ๐Ÿฅƒ๐Ÿฅƒ
Categories
Other/Weird and Sparkling
Company
BoozerWebsite@BoozerDog
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Author
Jason Draper on 5/26/12, 12:35 PM
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Yung-Ho Rice Drink Peanut

Yung-Ho Rice Drink Peanut
Peter loved peanut butter, or as his mom liked to call it “Peter Butter.” It started with PB&J sandwiches. Then he switched to straight peanut butted on bread, and lots of it. Before he knew it he was hooked on the stuff. He was dipping veggies on it. Eating it with dessert. He even became a regular at a local Thai restaurant because he could get peanut satay there. He consumed more peanut butter than any other substance and it was evident in his physical presence. His mother told him he had to cut down, or else he would turn out to be one of those people that you hear about on the news that is so obese that they can't even leave their bed, and weeks pass before anyone even realizes they are dead. Peter did not want that to be his future, so he started cutting down on his peanut butter intake. It was hard because he loved the flavor so much. His mother worked out a recipe for a drink that would taste like peanut butter, but wouldn't be so terrible health wise. She took rice milk and blended in some peanut butter. Sure it wasn't exactly health food, but it filled the void that the lack of peanut butter had created in Peter's life, while keeping things a tad better for him. At first Peter thought it was strange. He felt like he was drinking a can of the sauce that was on his peanut satay. The more he thought about it, the more it grossed him out. He didn't want to drink sauce. Only degenerates and junkies did things like that. He thereby claimed that he was off the sauce. He didn't want to be a peanut butter junkie anymore. He took the rest of his drink and gave it to the cat, which surprisingly loved it. It's now been ten years and Peter has taken to lying to people about having a peanut allergy, just so he doesn't have people tempting him with his old love.

ps. My cat totally starting drinking this and I had to physically restrain her to get her to stop. Cats love peanuts.
Rating
๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ
Categories
Other/Weird
Company
Yung-Ho
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 5/10/12, 10:13 PM
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Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Mango

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Mango
Something happened around the turn of the century where people started to give up on bars of soap. Suddenly they weren't good enough for people. Maybe people thought they couldn't get them clean enough or something, either way people left the bars on the shelf and America embraced the new product known as body wash. I am a grown ass man and I will confidently admit that I use body wash. The reason I do is that I have some that smells like red licorice and the aroma is delicious. That really plays no part in this tale though. The important thing here is that the body wash empire got greedy. They were blinded by the new trend and in their minds the entire world would soon turn to their products and bar soap would become obsolete. As a result many of them purchased the ingredients needed to make the wash in obscene surplus. Now that a decade has passed the body wash folk are realizing that they have reached their limit of customers. Those who are not already using their products will cling to their bars of soap until the day they die. The problem was they were stuck with enough warehouses of materials to fill a smaller state, like Rhode Island. Sure they were able to sell the “soap” ingredients to some of the bar companies at a loss, but what to do with the “gel” ingredients? After many late night board meetings a solution was thought up; they would sell the ingredient, which are perfectly safe to consume, to the beverage industry to make drinks with interesting textures.

Vita Lina jumped at the chance to ride the crest of a possible trend of drinks with strange consistencies. They released this line of flaxseed drinks that has a viscosity that falls somewhere between body wash and a normal drink. It doesn't taste soapy in any way, but the texture is there, and it's weird. I personally like it a lot. It's interesting, and I notice that I take smaller sips than normal. A few friends who tried it were not so into it. They couldn't get past the texture to even contemplate the flavor, which has a nice subtle mango quality to it. I can't blame them. Even though I like the consistency, I do find it distracting from the flavor. I feel like I can taste texture in this drink, and since I'm not a robot that is impossible. It says it's a drink, but since there is tea in it, I consider it an iced tea. Truth be told it tastes more like a drink that is not overly sweetened than tea.
Rating
๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท
Categories
Juice, Other/Weird and Iced Tea
Company
Vita Lina
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 5/7/12, 8:24 PM
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Sex Drive Energy Drink

Sex Drive Energy Drink
On the ship, there is a nightclub called "Rex." Since there is only one club, everyone who doesn't want to sleep is there and the joint is jumpin'. It's like a club for everyone because all sorts of people go; fat, white, black, latin, skinny, and everything in between. A few people who go are there to dance and have fun but some people are there to hunt. It's that animal instinct that brings me to this drink.

Only one of the guys we're with out of the eight of us is single and he is the epitome of single. Now I'm no stupid idiot. I know that drinks like this don't "work" like an ignoramus would think. No one that has their head on correctly would actually think that drinking one can of this stuff will make you a dynamo in the sack. Yeah, sure if you feel you need help in that department it might not sound like it could hurt and you'll try anything.

Regardless of your sexual prowess, you will be disappointed because this just tastes like Red Bull. Horny goat weed is something you buy at truck stops to stay awake while laying down night miles in your truck, not something you use for stimulation.

At the end of the night, our single friend and I split a can of this and didn't talk about it because there was nothing to talk about. We had something to look forward to because it's a drink called "Sex Drive," but not good enough to talk about. After that drink, singing karaoke, and watching a good comedian, we called it a night without even going to Rex. Maybe tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow. It's fun in there.
Rating
๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท
Categories
Other/Weird and Energy Drink
Company
Sex Drive@SexDriveEnergy
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Author
Mike Literman on 5/5/12, 10:58 PM
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Neuro Passion

Neuro Passion
Passion. Unfortunately, I don't think I've got it in me. Oh, it's absolutely terrible and I don't wish it on anyone. I'll tell you who does, though, this kid John. All night he was talking about going to the "singles mingle." He picked me as his wingman. Before the mingle we went to the casino and played some slots and blackjack. I don't like gambling and have never had great luck so it's better that I didn't play so I couldn't complain about losing $20. One of our friends won $500 on a machine but her husband may have lost it on drinks, slots, and blackjack so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say they're a push. Like that? Blackjack terms.

One thing that distracted me was this old man we befriended. He had on a gold Rolex Day-Date with diamonds on the bezel. Pretty money, dude. I was mesmerized.

We decided that our fashionable lateness was about due so we went around the corner to the singles mingle. Slim pickings friends. Oh, there were some birds there, but they weren't putting it out there, if you know what I mean. Girls were too busy with their friends or boyfriends to hang. John tried with a couple girls but they weren't having it. I spent my time talking to this kid Nate from California and then a drunk kid in a wheelchair threw up on himself in an equal part sad and gross display and we called it a night.

Maybe if everyone were half as smooth as I am and they were serving this Neuro Passion drink, everyone would be spending the night with their lover of choice. I've never had a wingman or a Neuro drink but this opened up the floodgates to new experiences. It was good and was shaped like a missile or something. It was lightly carbonated and did actually taste a bit like passion fruit. I'm hoping for a jolt of energy because the gentle rocking of the boat knocks me out. I was in the gym on the bike and I ate healthy so between that and this drink, we should be ready for a night filled with karaoke and fun.

Tomorrow Grand Cayman.
Rating
๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท๐Ÿท
Categories
Other/Weird and Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
NeuroWebsite@drinkneuro
Country
United States
Sweetener
Crystalline Fructose
Author
Mike Literman on 5/5/12, 10:26 PM
Buy It
Amazon.com
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Nestle Aguas Frescas Horchata

Nestle Aguas Frescas Horchata
Felix was a cat that lived in Rio de Janeiro. He loved the nightlife and he never wanted to leave. He lived there all his life and was very accustomed to the sights, sounds, and most of all, smells. He was a cat that roamed around during the day to the local eateries and was a common face. Shop owners would leave out saucers of milk because Felix was such a good cat.

One time, it was late at night. Music was playing and people were dancing. Felix was having a good time in the alley just watching. He found himself a bit thirsty so he walked around the corner to see if he could find something to eat. Just then, he heard someone yell, "Hey! Cat!" Felix turned around and it was an old man who worked at a spice shop. The man said "Hey cat. Come here." he then laid out a nice saucer of milk and put some cinnamon in it. He told the cat that he was sure to love it. Felix looked down at the milk and it was quite inviting. He took one lap and was in love. It was sweet, cinnamony, and still was a nice, milky drink. This will most certainly be a stop he makes more often.
Rating
๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ
Categories
Other/Weird and Milk
Company
NestleWebsite@nestle
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 4/28/12, 8:08 PM
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Amazon.com
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Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Guava

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Guava
Everyone thought that Stephen Lina and his father were charlatans because they sold heath tonics out of a little cart. They were early wave traveling sales men, but unfortunately for them some men had come before them trying to make a quick buck by swindling people out of their money by offering them what were essentials vials of dyed sugar water. The Linas were not con artists like these others. They had similar selling tactics as their peers, but their product actually worked. You see Mr. Lina was a scientist and he had discovered the healing properties of flaxseed. He knew it could be used to help combat ailments that would in the future come be known as cholesterol, diabetes, cancer, constipation, menopause, heart disease and depression.

Mr. Lina could have easily made it public knowledge that flaxseeds could help cure so many ailments, but then his family would stay exactly where they were: in the poor house. He had promised a better wife for his family, so he made up a whole mess of flaxseed tonics, loaded up the family cart and went out to make his fortune with his son. It's just unfortunate that the time that they chose to go sell their wares was the same time that people across the country were getting fed up with scam artists ripping them off and not healing their problems. The Linas were chased out of every town they went to. They never once even sold a bottle of their flaxseed tonic. Broken and beaten the two men returned home with their tales between their legs to live out the rest of their life in poverty.

It wasn't until over a hundred years had passed that Stephen's great grandson David's interest was piqued when his grandmother told him tales of the traveling Linas. He found his great great grandfather's notebooks in an old trunk and used his fancy college science degree to make up a batch of “Vita Lina” as his ancestors had called it. It tasted okay, but it needed a little something. He just happened to have some iced tea and a can of guava juice on hand, for some unknown reason, so he added it to the mixture. That was exactly what was needed. What his grandfather had once called a tonic was now a tasty beverage that was most definitely marketable. The guava and iced tea masked most of the flavor of the flaxseed, but it was still slightly there. Nothing about the flavor was offensive at all. In fact if one were unaware of the flaxseed content, they would never be the wiser. The consistency was a bit off though. It was a little thick, our young scientist's girlfriend most than once announced that it felt like she was drinking body wash when she would take a sip. David didn't think it was that thick, but he gave it to her that it was thicker than most drinks in a strange way. David eventually teamed up with Simply Originals, to distribute his beverages, and finally his family started to see some money from their ancestor's ideas. It was a good day.
Rating
๐Ÿงƒ๐Ÿงƒ๐Ÿงƒ๐Ÿงƒ๐Ÿงƒ
Categories
Juice, Other/Weird and Iced Tea
Company
Vita Lina
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 4/23/12, 9:18 PM
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Hey Song Honey White Gourd

Hey Song Honey White Gourd
When you were a child, you were adventurous. You were not smart but you were curious and wide-eyed. You thought that mixing stuff was a good idea. You would experiment down all the time with orange juice and milk or lemonade and iced tea or iced tea and milk or Pepsi and Coke or milk and mouthwash. Some of them would be good but most of them would be bad but you didn't stop. You would never stop. You are a kid. You just keep going. Youth is on your side and you will forever mix. You are an amateur mixologist. You are a professional mixologist in the making.

When you were a youth, you thought that it would be a good idea to make a drink out of cereal milk. You would drink it and on very rare occasions you would put it in the fridge and save it for later thinking that it will be just as good as if you drank it immediately preceding finishing a heaping bowl of cereal. One time you had a giant bowl of Honey Comb mixed with Honey Smacks and thought that it might be good to drink. You ate the cereal after letting it marinate in the milk and then thoughtfully and carefully strained some of the extra "bits" out and kept the leftover milk in a glass and threw it in the fridge. For dinner, you sat down with your family to eat a pork chop and drink your concoction. You took one sip and you knew you had something. It was intense in its honey quantity and still had some of that cereal-ness to it. You would make this every day for a week before you eventually moved on to something else Cocoa Puff based.
Rating
๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ
Categories
Other/Weird
Company
Hey SongWebsite
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Mike Literman on 4/5/12, 3:30 PM
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Hyper Malt Original

Hyper Malt Original
For a few years I thought of how great it would be if someone would market cereal milk. All different kinds, but particularly Fruity Pebbles and Golden Grams. There is nothing better than that flavor infused cream after you've finished the "solids" portion of your two course breakfast cereal. It's like drinking the bathwater of the gods and sometimes, before moving onto that final stage, I refresh the first, making the inevitable payload that much more savory. It's a harrowing exercise of will power to be certain but like any work-out or period of time without smoking cigarettes, it's more than worth it once you cross that finish line. It is, essentially, the bathwater of TWO gods now. Perhaps they bathed together. Maybe there was just a water shortage and they needed to conserve so as long as the temperature remained comfortable they just wouldn't drain it in-between baths. There is no limit to their hygienic routines as long as your imagination is healthy.

What I'm saying is, though this might sound like a good idea to some (or no one after that unfortunate analogy), I have found upon drinking HYPER MALT ENERGY DRINK that cereal milk is only delicious because the person drinking it worked so hard to make it. This energy drink tastes like someone took a bowl of apple juice, emptied the contents of a box of Wheaties into it, let it sit in the sun for a few days, took it back inside, gagged heartily, then ran the fluid through a colander into a bottle which went directly into my mouth. I don't see cereal milk being a big hit for anyone looking to be refreshed, and I don't see HYPER MALT ENERGY DRINK being a big hit for anyone looking to be energized. Unless of course you only need the energy required to hurriedly rush to the bathroom to spit it out before going back to watching Maury Povich like I did this morning. But at least it saved me the tens of thousands of dollars I was going to invest in my new milk company.



When I asked Keith to rate the drink he said "0 of 5. No wait, NEGATIVE 0 of 5." Our scale only goes to "1" but keep in mind that if it was possible, it would be below that.
Rating
๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ
Categories
Energy Drink, Other/Weird and Soda Pop
Company
Hyper Malt
Country
Denmark
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Keith Buckley - Singer for Every Time I Die on 2/8/12, 12:06 PM
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Grandpa Lundquist Traditional Scandinavian Winter Beverage Glogg

Grandpa Lundquist Traditional Scandinavian Winter Beverage Glogg
While Euroboy may be as graceful as can be when it comes to playing guitar, the same cannot be said about the rest of his life. The sad truth is that he is the klutz of Turbonegro. Whenever the band gets together to practice or a show at some point or another Euroboy will break something. It's really his hat that is to blame. With that thing on he really can't see a thing, but he just refuses to take it off. In 2003 when the band had a party to release their album “Scandinavian Leather” Hank from Hell ordered a case of Glogg to celebrate in true Scandinavian fashion. He was so proud of his score, but then Euroboy came bumbling in and crashed into the table. The case went flying and all but one bottle were smashed. It was a sad state of affairs and it's what ultimately led to Hank leaving the band years later.

Oh you've never heard of Glogg? Well it's a traditional Scandinavian winter beverage that is in essence grape and apple juice mixed with chai. You are supposed to drink it hot. I recommend that you do so because when it's cold it tastes like someone dumped some liquid potpourri into juice. It's pretty gross. It smells wonderful. It smells the way Christmas should, and not like burned churches as you might expect something from that region to. When you heat it up it is much better. It is very intense. It's definitely a sipping beverage and not something that you would chug. It's sweet and full of spices such as cinnamon, cloves and cardamom. I would have never thought of mixing chai with fruit juice but it makes an interesting match that will help keep you warm during those long Eastern European winters. Now go listen to any of the three albums that Turbonegro released as the Apocalypse Trilogy and pump your fist. There is no better album than “Apocalypse Dudes” for keeping you awake on those long overnight drives.
Rating
๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ
Categories
Other/Weird
Company
Grandpa Lundquist
Country
Sweden
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 2/6/12, 11:08 PM
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Amazon.com
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Copper Mountain Hot 2 Go! Hot Cocoa

Copper Mountain Hot 2 Go! Hot Cocoa
Martin hated skiing. Let me rephrase that. Martin hated skiing with his family. They were all terrible, which is fine and good except they always went to the same rinky dink slopes. Martin knew what he was doing and dreamed of slopes like the K12 that would provide both excitement and a challenge. Instead year after year his family would pile into the car and go to the most budget ski resort that ever existed. Actually you couldn't even call it a resort. There was no elaborate lodge or rooms for rent. The only structure was a tiny shed that the cashier sat in that also housed a combo hot chocolate-coffee machine. You know the kind with the little paper cups. When you finish drinking your beverage you look into the bottom and there is a symbol from one of the four suits of cards. If it matches up with the one on the outside you won a free coffee or something. I don't think anyone ever won, and if they did I doubt they ever claimed their prize.

Last year Martin's dad had gotten into a scuffle with the machine when it ate his change. He had kicked the crap out of it until the cashier finally looked up from her copy of Vogue and asked him to stop. That was the highlight of the trip for Martin.

Here he was again at the slopes. Luckily the weather had been unseasonably warm this year, so it looked like this was going to be their only trip for the winter. Martin went down the slope three times before he accepted that it was dumb and pointless. He had a couple of quarters in his pocket, so he figured he might as well get a hot chocolate. When he entered the shack he instantly noticed that the machine was gone, and in its place was a shelf of Hot 2 Go beverages and a microwave. How could he not notice, there was nothing else in the shack. The cashier had been replaced with a vending machine of sorts. It was hard times out on the slopes. Oh well, what can you do. Martin grabbed a hot chocolate, peeled off the metal cap and threw the “cup” into the microwave for 60 seconds. When he pulled it out it was actually at a drinkable temperature, so he didn't have to worry if he had waited long enough to not scald his tongue. It actually wasn't bad. It tasted like the same hot chocolate as the machine dispensed, but not as watered down. It tasted more like cocoa than hot sweet water. He had gotten it just to warm him up, but he discovered that he really enjoyed it. It wasn't enough to make the trip a pleasurable experience, but it occupied his time for the 30 seconds it took him to drink it.
Rating
๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ
Categories
Other/Weird
Company
Copper MountainWebsite
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 2/3/12, 4:47 PM
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Mamma Chia Vitality Beverage Cranberry Lemonade

Mamma Chia Vitality Beverage Cranberry Lemonade
What else is there to say about Mamma Chia drinks that we haven't said before? They are certainly unique. They are also very tasty. They start with a wonderful tasting juice (cranberry and lemonade in this case) and then fill the bottle with the insanity that is chia seeds. The hard seeds are coated in a slimy substance that helps them go down very smooth. They are slimy, but not in a gross way. It adds more of a thickness to the consistency of the drink. It makes drinking fun. And there are health benefits to it.

The flavor of this is strong, but not overbearing. It tastes like mild lemonade with a mild cranberry flavoring. I say mild only because it's neither tart nor bitter like both of the fruits are in their normal form. There is nothing mild about the taste.
Rating
๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ
Categories
Chunky, Juice, Lemonade and Other/Weird
Company
Mamma ChiaWebsite@MammaChia1
Country
United States
Sweetener
Agave
Author
Jason Draper on 1/29/12, 5:10 PM
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Rocket Fizz S'Mores

Rocket Fizz S'Mores
I was finally asked to a sleepover at The Sandlot Crew's tree house last night. To put in lightly, it was AMAZING! I had so much fun! We didn't have parents bugging us, we ate junk food, and Squints told us the story of The Beast. I'll admit, it made me a little scared to go back to the sandlot today. I was supposed to be there a half hour ago.

Anyways, probably the coolest thing was when Ham offered me my first s'more. I had no idea what he was talking about and I thought he was offering me more of nothing. Chocolate, marshmallow, and graham crackers were meant to be eaten together. It was a heavenly treat. When I got home this morning I told my mom that I loved s'mores now. With the biggest smile on her face, she went to the fridge and brought me this bottle of pop back. I had no idea they made this!! The people at Rocket Fizz must be rocket scientists because this tastes exactly like the s'mores I had last night. It's like chocolate and marshmallow in liquid form.

Don't tell the other guys, but I think I like this s'mores soda more than the actually food. It's less messy and tastes more consistently awesome. Okay I gotta go, if I don't get to the baseball field soon I'll be stuck batting last again.
Rating
๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ›๐Ÿฅ›
Categories
Other/Weird and Soda Pop
Company
Rocket FizzWebsite@RocketFizz
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Derek Neuland on 1/10/12, 10:37 AM
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Hangover Joe's Get Up & Go Recovery Shot Citrus

Hangover Joe's Get Up & Go Recovery Shot Citrus
Hangover Joe's sent us a package of these Hangover Recovery Shots. Since none of us here at Thirsty Dudes drink alcohol, we outsourced our review to our friend and cohort Pat Shanahan. Last night was Mohawk Place's (our favorite bar/place for shows in Buffalo) annual Xmas party. Originally Pat was going to wait to get drunk enough to need to drink this, but about halfway through the night he had a change of heart and the PBR flowed like water down his gullet. As you can see from his review he got drunk, fast, and his alter ego "Brocktoon" made an appearance. Here's what he had to say.

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"Sometimes you spend a long evening drinking keg beer at your favorite dive bar. Later, You take a nap on floor. A couple of hours later the bartender gives you a ride home. Nice guy. Fast forward to the morning after. You take a hangover recovery shot. Tastes kinda like generic Smarties. Not too bad. I kind of wish it was bigger. Maybe it helps to relieve the headache, just a little bit, but not too much. Now you have to walk to your friend's house to feed their cat while they are out of town. At least you didn't get arrested, or get anyone pregnant. Merry Xmas." - Pat

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As for a Thirsty Dude's perspective on the taste of this, it tastes like someone mixed an entire package of Kool Aid powder into a shot glass of water. It's sweet, fruity and very strong. I understand where Pat got his Smarties taste. It really tastes like a Kool Aid flavored energy shot. They share a lot of the same ingredients. Actually now that I look at the ingredients of this and a 5 Hour Energy back to back this is pretty much an energy shot with some extra vitamins in it. Makes sense. We wish Pat/Brocktoon a speedy recovery.
Rating
๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ
Categories
Other/Weird, Shot, Sports/Dietary Supplement and Energy Drink
Company
Hangover Joe's Get Up & GoWebsite@HangoverJoesNYC
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Author
Jason Draper on 12/23/11, 11:22 AM
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Amazon.com
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Tiger Malt Original

Tiger Malt Original
Well. Great. Merry Christmas. Fantastic. Here I am, on stage, accepting this award for perfect attendance for my high school. One of two kids that got it. I don't necessarily do stupendous in class, but I do fair. I'm a B student. What do I get? A handshake and a bottle of pop from the principal. That seems strange to me. I guess I did spend all that time going to class. I deserve this pop.

Alright. Study hall. Second to last day of the year. I've got this strange Tiger Malt and I'm going to drink it. I can do what I want. I'm 17, there is one day of school left and I haven't missed a day. Down the hatch Tiger Malt. Ugh. What the heck is in this bottle? What are my taste buds doing to me? I've got to try this again. I have never felt anything like this before. It's revolting but yet so familiar. Bleh. Terrible. Did someone play a joke on me? Is there some sort of conspiracy against letting kids finish a school year without missing a day? This is going to put me in the hospital? Did someone liquefy and strain a bowl of Raisin Bran? It tastes like a stronger version of my Puerto Rican friend Joey's mom's favorite Malta Goya drink. I might barf. That's isn't going to look good on the floor or on my permanent record.
Rating
๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿบ
Categories
Other/Weird and Soda Pop
Company
Tiger Malt
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 12/21/11, 3:29 PM
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Bird's Nest Nice Look

Bird's Nest Nice Look
Oh, I would like to look nice. Inversely, I would also like to have a nice look, I guess. I would also not like to drink whatever this drink is made out of. What is it made out of, you say? Simple actually: water, white fungus, bird's nest, rock sugar, and vanilla. Done and done. There. Simple. Delicious? Not so much. We have done a bird's nest drink previously, and this one is no different except the separation of particles in the drink are more aloe-esque and less "spit in water" which makes it a bit more appetizing.

The fellas over at The Impulsive Buy have reviewed this drink and have some equally disgusting things to say about it.

It smells a little like Kix, which, ironically, I had this morning and makes me not want to eat it any more. It's a very smooth drink. It's lightly sweetened but the chunks are less chunk and more wet paper. That is disturbing. I can't fathom drinking any more of this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Thailand for taking a can of this away from you. I hope there isn't a shortage because I am tossing out a 3/4 full can of this is the filth can.
Rating
๐Ÿฅƒ๐Ÿฅƒ๐Ÿฅƒ๐Ÿฅƒ๐Ÿฅƒ
Categories
Chunky and Other/Weird
Company
Bird's Nest
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Rock Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 12/19/11, 4:54 PM
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