Simply Originals - 4 Reviews

Flax Seed...everyone's talkin' 'bout it. It's supposed to do just about everything which makes it sound like either witchcraft or one of those medicinal remedies that some man on a stage sold you at a fair in 1940. In short, flax seed is supposed to:

• They contain high levels of fiber, lignans, and omega-3 fatty acids


• May lower cholesterol levels


• Help with certain types of breast and prostate cancers


• May stunt the growth of prostate tumors


• May also lessen the severity of diabetes by stabilizing blood-sugar levels


• laxative (poopin')

What it does to iced tea though is strange. It turns an otherwise delicious drink into a kind of unsatisfying, slightly viscous green tea. You can tell that the flavors that you know and love are there, and it's got some decent health factors, although you'd probably have to drink three bottles a day for a month to see any results.

It's not bad and if you need any of that stuff, this is a good, natural alternative to medicine, which I condone to the fullest extent. If you are just a Joe Averageman looking for an iced tea, you'll want something else.

Corn is by far my favorite vegetable. There are others that I may enjoy, but those other vegetables just aren't as versatile. Sure asparagus is delicious when it's cooked in garlic, but would it work on a burrito or in chili? Okay, I would probably eat that and think it's great. My point is that corn is incredible on it's own with no seasoning, but it also can make almost any meal better. One of the many important life lessons that I learned from Pee Wee's Big Adventure is that there are thousands and thousands of uses for corn, and Tina from the Alamo would be happy to list them all for you. Corn in salsa? Oh god yes. I feel cheated when it's not in there. Through my mass consumption of corn I have never once considered drinking it. That is until this magic bottle of goodness ended up in my possession.

It's Fall. Everyone has their decorations hanging up. A lot of people have dried out colored corn on their walls and doors. As a kid I always wondered why people used to paint their corn. I was little and an idiot. I am now less of an idiot and know that it grows that way. Being as I was an idiot when I was young (how many times can I say that in a review?) I of course tried to eat the colored corn. Bad scene. It does not taste like the corn I am used to, especially since it's all dried out. I later became to associate that corn with what was fed to animals. Now Simply Originals has come around to yet again throw my world into upheaval. They have turned the purple corn, or maize, into a very refreshing beverage.

In Peru chicha morada is a traditional homemade drink. I will tell you this for free: the people of Peru know what they are doing when it comes to beverages. One of their great ancestors was thirsty as hell some hot summer day. He was tired of all of the water he was consuming and decided to mix everything he had laying around the house into a bottle and drink it down. It's lucky for us that he only had water, purple maize, sugar, pineapple, clove and cinnamon. Imagine if he had some meat juice laying around. I assure you if that were the case I would have vomited all over this keyboard. Nobody wants that, especially my keyboard. Seeing as he didn't have meat juice he created (maybe it was a lady of Peru and not a man. The gender was lost a long time ago) what it a refreshing harvest time drink. After a long day of sweating out in the Peruvian corn fields wouldn't it be nice to come home and have your significant other pour you a nice tall glass of corn juice? If you said no, you are horribly mistaken.

I do have this one negative thing to still say about corn. Like Mrs. Tremond in Twin Peaks I will always request no creamed corn. I have a thing with textures.

I no nothing about nutrition aside from the standard things:
1. Don't each too much sugar
2. Eat in moderation
3. Chocolate gives you zits
4. When you eat too much, you get fat.
5. Diabetes is bad
6. Working out is good.

I don't know anything about flax seed. I asked my boss, who knows his share of fitness, and he said that flax seed is like a miracle food and it is high in fat, fiber, and protein. From what I would imagine, good fat, good fiber, and good protein. Now that we've dissected what this drink embodies, let's get right down the Jay's favorite new saying, brass tacks.

This is good. It's strange, though. Good strange, just different. It's viscous, almost syrupy. Thick even. This does not make it bad. It almost tastes like a Pannela type drink. It's sweet and doesn't have any of the "fish oil" taste, which according to my boss is frequently occurring in flax seed. Think of this as a light lemon honey tea. Do you like that? Then you'll like it.

I'm just going to come out and say it in a public forum. I have a completely non-sexual man-crush on Paul Rudd. He's hysterical and just seems like he's a really rad dude. Also, he apparently loves Lungfish and other DC bands. That gets my approval. One of my favorite roles of his is Jeff from the in-between segments in the movie "The Ten." I bring this up because in that role he's fighting with his ex and they get into an argument over whether he's been taking his fish oil. Exasperated he yells that he's "getting his omega 3 fatty acids through other means." His delivery is absolutely perfect and I erupt into laughter every time I see that part. I can only imagine he's getting those fatty acids through flax seed. If I'm correct I really hope he's drinking said flax seed in this liquid form.

With all of the soda we drink I'm always pleased to get some natural teas to review, but when drinks go into new territories of healthy I will admit I get nervous. The container of flax seed that my roommate keeps in the fridge definitely made me skeptical of this. Let's face it, specialty health drinks for the most part usually aren't the greatest. I anticipated bitter. I anticipated gritty. What I didn't anticipate was a very smooth and sweet tea with a strong mandarin orange flavoring. Pleasant surprises abound! As an added bonus the label design is top notch. I'm very excited to try their other flavors.

Now I just want to watch a Paul Rudd movie. It will probably be Role Models. That never, ever gets old.