Chaparritas Apple

Chaparritas Apple

Apple juice: One of the hardest things to review. Why? It really tastes so similar it's like splitting hairs. It’s the same with orange juice. It's hard. Also, before you ask, the answer is "Yes." Yes, we know the difference between "hard work" and "hard to review juice." We're aware of our place in this world, alright?

This is apple juice. The difference is that this has sugar in it. Most apple juices are straight apple juice. I do not know why Chaparritas decided to add sugar and honestly, it doesn't change the taste at all. If they would have used a different sweetener like corn syrup it probably would have made it strange and thick but since they used natural, cane sugar, it probably closely mimics that of the sugar that comes from apples.

Sugar? No sugar? At the end of the day you've got a nice, petite glass of apple juice.

Website
http://www.chaparritas.com/
Country
Mexico
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 4 hours, 9 minutes ago
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Chaparritas Apple Drink, 8.45 Ounce (Pack of 24)

Dunkin' Donuts Dunkaccino

Dunkin' Donuts Dunkaccino

Like a scene right out of Chapelle Show's "Pop Copy" skit, I walked in to Dunkin' Donuts and the employees were talking about not committing a crime because it wasn't worth going to jail and having something on their record. Fantastic. I, for one, enjoy catching little gems like that. At least these people have some sort of personality and aren't just robots behind a counter pressing buttons. As long as it doesn't affect my food, continue on, please. I find myself right now asking myself what it is that wasn't worth it. In between jail talk I managed to ask what a Dunkaccino was. Her response was that it was like a mocha but with a powder. I have reviewed Dunkin’ Donuts mocha and it was disappointing. Why? Because they advertised it to me as "Oh, you mean a half hot chocolate and half coffee?" pulling the sheet off the magic trick. This was described with a bit less blatancy.

This tasted like hot cocoa with a touch, a dash of coffee. It wasn't bad. It went down pretty smoothly as if it was somehow "lighter" than regular hot cocoa. Frothy, perhaps.

At the end of the day, I'll probably get the jitters from a minimum amount of coffee-based caffeine like a wimp but hey, if the glove fits.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 day, 2 hours ago
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Phancy Soda Chanh Vietnamese Sparkling Limeade

Phancy Soda Chanh Vietnamese Sparkling Limeade

When I first read this companies website, I immediately thought to myself, “These people are either completely unaware of the market, or they are a bunch of dirty liars.” You see they claimed that in 2012 they released “the first packaged, shelf stable, ready-to-drink, & natural Vietnamese Sparkling Limeade beverage.” I thought to myself, I’ve had limeade before, this is nothing new, those liars!” Then I looked back at prior reviews on Thirsty Dudes and I realized that all of the limeades I have drunk in the past were either still beverages or they were mixed with cherry if they were carbonated. None of them would be considered classic sparkling limeade. I take back the thoughts I had in my head Phancy. Your statement may very well be correct, even if it blows my mind that this hasn’t been marketed before.

The genius of this beverage is in its simplicity. The only ingredients are sparkling water, lime juice and cane sugar. It tastes authentic and homemade. It actually tastes like someone squeezed a lime into sweetened water, which is how it should taste, because that is what it is.

Obviously this leads me to think of lemonade with the primary ingredient swapped out for limes. That lead me to wonder if children in Vietnam set up limeade stands in front of their house, like kids sell lemonade in the states. I hope they do, because that sounds delicious.

Website
http://www.getphancy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice, Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 day, 4 hours ago
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Phancy Soda Chanh, Vietnamese Sparkling Limeade, 16 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Sugarcane Island Raw Sugarcane Juice Original

Sugarcane Island Raw Sugarcane Juice Original

'Tis apple season. We made it. We made it to another apple season. Also, apparently equally as important is that it is "pumpkin spice" season but that holds no weight in this review. This is a sugarcane drink. This is just a sugarcane drink, too. So why am I mentioning apples? Well it tastes like a really sweet, earthy, slightly rotten apple, that's why. I could not tell you why it tastes like this but it does. It's not terribly fantastic, either. It's really sweet and that's fine since it is sugarcane. Sugarcane itself, the raw stalk, tastes good because there is a cool texture when you bite it. This is just a liquid and it comes at you a little fast and there is nothing to break up the onslaught of sugar water down your gullet. I don't want and I didn't want that. I understand that it's raw and that's the only ingredient but I bet if I cut it with water or something it would have been more tolerable.

Website
http://www.sugarcaneisl.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugarcane Juice
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 day, 6 hours ago
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Grand Teton Brewing Company Kettle Brewed Soda Black Cherry

Grand Teton Brewing Company Kettle Brewed Soda Black Cherry

The power of the moose compels you. The moose compels you to drink a soda flavor that you would normally overlook. The moose is not sure if either black cherry or lemon lime is the worst of the classic soda flavors. The moose doesn’t care. It could be any flavor, and if the moose is on the label you drink it. As it turns out the moose is very wise and doesn’t appear on just any label. It knew that I couldn’t care less about black cherry soda, so it strolled up to that digitally created stream to stand in a picturesque pose, just knowing that it would get my attention. The moose was right; not only that its presence would get me to drink this soda, but also that this is above and beyond a standard black cherry. The main reason is that cherry juice is actually present in this beverage albeit in a concentrated form. It’s more than other companies deliver and it gives a normally bland flavor the kick it needs to make it truly enjoyable. It’s still tastes like black cherry, but how it should taste and not articifial. Since it’s kettle brewed it also has a bit of the standard flavor that goes along with that. It’s vaguely smoky and a little metaly.

I was waiting for Mike to get around to reviewing this, but then the moose came to me and told me to partake. When a silhouette of a moose talks to you, you listen.

Website
http://www.grandtetonbrewing.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 day, 19 hours ago
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Aloe Very Green Tea

Aloe Very Green Tea

If there are two beverages that I truly enjoy in this world it would be green tea and aloe juice. I drink at least a half-gallon of unsweetened green tea daily and back before I was watching my sugar intake so much I used to down those giant 50oz bottles of aloe all the time. The thought of that now makes me feel disgusted with myself, but man are they tasty.

This product combines those two wonderful beverages with low calories and low sugar. While that sounds great on paper, I think the lack of sugar/use of stevia takes away from the allure of the aloe. The way it is I don’t like it aloe very much. See what I did there? Terrible joke. The aloe flavor that I love is nowhere to be found. I’m guessing it’s obscene amounts of sugar that give it the wonderful white grapeish flavor. In addition to that the tea flavor is not very strong.

I’ve told you what this drink is lacking and now I’ll tell you what it delivers. What I get when I take a sip is a watered down green tea that has been mixed with not-very-sweet aloe that gives it a taste that makes me think of a cleaner. All of that is sweetened with a mixture of cane sugar and stevia with a hint of honey thrown in for good measure. Doesn’t sound very good, does it? Luckily it does deliver a nice smattering of vitamins and it is also very refreshing. I can only imagine drinking this on a hot summer day would quench your thirst quite nicely. Make sure you’re prepared for a flavor that isn’t terrible, but also one that doesn’t live up to it’s potential.

Website
http://aloeverydrink.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Aloe Vera, Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 days, 19 hours ago
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Aloe Very Green Tea - Organic Aloe Vera Juice (Pack of 12)

Purity Organic Orange Mango Paradise

Purity Organic Orange Mango Paradise

I can only hope that everyone who reads this is familiar with the Purity Test. If you’re not, what did you do with your time in school? It’s generally a questionnaire used by high school and college students to determine your degree of innocence in matters such as sex, drugs, and other damning things. Depending on what type of crew you roll with a low purity score could be a thing of embarrassment or pride.

I hadn’t taken one of these tests since college, so I decided now was as good a time as any. I would like to report that these juices were nowhere to be found on the test, shocking I know. I’m sure some weird questions could be rephrased to include it, but I can also assume that the company would be none too pleased about that. Oh well, I don’t need to know what degrading things can be done with juice. All I need to know is that it’s tasty and that I enjoy drinking it.

This is just mango puree and orange juice with some sugar and water added to it. The mango flavor is steering the ship, just as it should be. I have no problem with orange juice, but it’s such a standard juice that I enjoy when other flavors take over. I personally don’t see the need for the added sugar. I would have enjoyed it much more in its natural state, so I didn’t feel as if I had to brush my teeth afterwards. I can’t argue with flavor though, and this is full of it.

For those of you keeping score at home, I got 44% on the purity test. I’m sure there are people everywhere praying for my soul. Take the test yourself and see if you need to be saved.
http://www.puritytest.org

Website
http://www.purityorganic.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 4 days, 4 hours ago
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Purity Organic Drinks, Orange Mango, 16-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 6)

Sweet 'tauk Lemonade Original

Sweet 'tauk Lemonade Original

Jim doesn't get sick often but when he does, he gets really sick. He can stay healthy during multiple cold and flu seasons but out of the blue, he'll get it and it hits him hard with all of the symptoms of a cold or flu to the fullest extent. It usually puts him out for two or three days. People call him a wimp about it but truth is, Jim has a far better immune system than them because he's only sick one time for every three times they're sick.

One of those seasons was upon us and Jim caught it and caught it badly. He had a head cold and couldn't breathe and was blowing his nose every twenty minutes. He just wanted to sleep. He thought about how he usually felt better when he drank orange juice but didn't have any. He went to a corner store by his house and bought a lemonade. He thought that if Vitamin C came from oranges it would come from lemons, too. He brought home a new type of lemonade that he had never tried before because of the nice packaging and the fact that there were no preservatives and he had to shake it before he drank it.

In all his sickness, he took a big sip and loved it. Everything tasted like styrofoam until now. He could taste the lemonade and the lemons and the sugar. It was like he woke up from a deep sleep to be in a technicolor dream world. He could taste the lemons and they were both bitter and sour just like a fresh lemon is.

Although still sick, Jim felt better for a limited time. He knew that all the soup wouldn't make him feel as good as a nice, fresh glass of that lemonade would.

Website
http://www.sweettauk.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Lemonade
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 4 days, 19 hours ago
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Coconut Cartel It's Just a Coconut

Coconut Cartel It's Just a Coconut

These days a handful of coconut water companies are moving away from the classic “heavy” can and tetra pak cartons towards more innovative packaging. I understand; anything that can make your product jump out more to consumers is a plus. Coconut Cartel has taken things too far though. This is not coconut water. This is simply a coconut with the companies name stamped/burnt into the shell.

I feel like someone has played a prank on me. When we were in talks with the company I say the pictures of the coconuts with the company logo on them, but I thought they were just being clever. When a box with three coconuts in it, and nothing else, showed up at my door I just laughed. Sure the liquid in the coconut was great, but this has officially taken the title of the most inconvenient beverage of all time. There’s no going to the fridge for a quick hydration. There’s a process that goes into opening a coconut, and it’s not pretty. I ended up using a drill to put holes in the shell, so I could pour it out. That was after many failed attempts with coconuts in my youth.

I really hope that this whole thing is some long term prank being played on me. I hope one of my friends created this website and then shipped me some coconuts, because the whole thing is laughable and I can’t imagine this company being sustainable by any means.

Website
http://www.thecoconutcartel.com/
Country
El Salvador
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coconut
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 5 days, 6 hours ago
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Glaceau Vitamin Water Energy Berry Punch

Glaceau Vitamin Water Energy Berry Punch

I don’t really know why that I am shocked that I like this, but I am. It just sounds like something that would be terrible. Whenever companies try to grasp outside of their safe zone, I am always very skeptical. For some reason with this line I expect the results to be less than stellar, even though I have had several other flavors that I have enjoyed. Each time I expect my mouth to be greeted with a gush of grossness. You can just tell looking at this that it has a zero calorie sweetener in it somewhere. The thing is that the stevia mixed with the cane sugar works in here. It has a bit of a diet taste to it, but the actual berry flavoring is much stronger, and that is all that you can ask for.

I think the saving grace for Glaceau is that they went for their own thing. They didn’t take a classic energy drink and try to mix it with their pre-existing products. They took what they were good at and added green coffee bean extract an B vitamins to give it a little energy push. There’s no chemical garbage in here, and as a result it just tastes like a carbonated Vitamin Water. It may not give you the crazy rush as other products do, but you can feel better about drinking it, and really when in your life did you actually need the shot to your heart that the other players give? To me it just seems like overkill.

I'm glad that I have continuously been wrong about the Vitamin Water Energy line. It's nice to be surprised in a positive way.

Website
http://www.glaceau.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Sparkling, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 6 days, 20 hours ago
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Vitamin Water Energy Punch 11.5 Oz (12 Pack)
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