Teavana Green Strawberry Apple

Teavana Green Strawberry Apple

As each one of my family members drank this we all said the same thing, "Smells like strawberries. Tastes like nothing." and that was absolutely true. Where did the flavor go? Was it stolen? Was it stolen to pay the price on someone who was a friend, family or coworker of the company's head? People can get into some sketchy situations and if you stick by your friends, you'll do some crazy things. While I'm not saying that Doreen from the accounting department isn't worth sacrificing 98% of the flavor of this tea, I might ask if Skip from accounts receivable might take one for the team so that we could have it back.

This tea tastes like nothing. It smells like fresh, real strawberries and then you take a sip and ask the age old question, "Am I dead?" It doesn't taste like anything, including the green tea base that should also be there. It might taste like the aftertaste of a strawberry. It tastes like memories. Sad memories of what could have been. Sad thoughts of what might happen to Skip so that you can enjoy unsweetened tea. We all have dreams. Skip might not for long, though.

Website
http://www.republicoftea.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 1 day ago
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RISE Nitro Blood Orange Coffee

RISE Nitro Blood Orange Coffee

I'll have the 2-2-2, please? Egg? Ugg, scrambled. Sausage. Pancakes please. Oh, chocolate chip pancakes. Oh, to drink? Umm. You know what? I'll have a coffee and an orange juice. Thank you.

Wow. That was fast. Oh, it's made before hand and microwaved and brought to me? You can hardly taste the difference. If I wasn't such a scumbag, I might complain but it's garbage food to begin with so I'm fine with it. Why...why are you making that face? Oh yeah, I like to pour orange juice into my coffee. It cools it down and gives it a citrus taste. Is it good? Well it's not...poison. I don't know why I do it. I've been doing it seemingly forever. Wait wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut? You have a drink that tastes like orange juice and coffee mixed together? You can save me the painstakingly large amount of drinking half my orange juice straight like a savage and then pouring scalding hot coffee into my orange juice cup? How it is? It tastes exactly the same? Does it have the same, strange orange citrus taste mixed with the strange bitterness of coffee? You don't say. Well Darlene, I will take one to go and I will tip you handsomely. No, I'm not calling you handsome. Well I did notice that you have a moustache and while it looks good on you I wasn't going to say anything about it. Well I didn't know if you were going for something and I thought it to be none of my business. Darlene, take this $5. It's yours. Cash. Take it. I'll take this can of Rise Nitro Blood Orange Coffee and drink it in the car on the way to clown college. Yes Darlene, you heard me correctly. I'm a grown man going to clown college. My life isn't going exactly as planned.

Website
http://risebrewingco.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 6 days ago
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Sound Sparkling White Tea With Peach + Ginger

Sound Sparkling White Tea With Peach + Ginger

I am done with winter. I’m sick of it. It’s snowing yet again and it looks like more than a foot of the nonsense is going to pile up around my house yet again. Guess what? I am just not leaving the house today. Forget the world. It’s not important anyway. I will just cuddle up with my cat, my dog and this bottle of sparkling tea. Not a typical cold weather drink I know, but it’s here and it’s tasty so it’s what I’m clinging to underneath piles and piles of blankets.
Let me say I don’t get the combo of peach and ginger. I have come across it in teas a handful of times, and I enjoy it, but it is always a bit strange. I love both flavors, but they don’t mingle the way I want them to. Perhaps peach just shouldn’t be mixed with non-fruit flavors. Still, this is quite enjoyable, even though it throws me for a loop a little. It’s very peachy with the ginger hanging around the edges. There is no burn in here, which would have been a bit wild. I think it is ultimately better without it though.

I have grown to love these sparkling teas. They are a bit more than seltzer, but don’t make me feel the guilt I’ve been getting from soda lately. Hey, I’m about to turn 40, and I’ve worked hard to keep myself slim and non-slovenly. While I do love a nice soda, I’ve learned that they are meant to be treats and not for everyday consumption (at least for me). This way when I have them I appreciate them a lot more. In the meantime I will consume mass amounts of water, seltzer, and unsweetened tea, both sparkling and still.

Website
http://www.soundtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 29th, 2019
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Kirin Afternoon Milk Tea Chocolate

Kirin Afternoon Milk Tea Chocolate

First of all, dudes at work don't know how I do. I invited six people to drink this and give me a review. I said, "Here's your chance to be on a famous website no different than if you were Caroline Rhea or Anthony Michael Hall." They laughed, threw tomatoes at me like this was the early 1900's. I didn't even know we had tomatoes in the office but there is some sort of secret closet that contains nothing but over-ripened tomatoes ready for the next bad joke or snake oil salesman. In this case, it was my attempt to make half a dozen dudes filthy rich like me. Your loss, turds. Your loss.

How's this? Well, it's fine. It tastes like chocolate milk. One said, "It tastes like hot cocoa. No. It tastes like Yoo-hoo." which I kind of agree with. If there is tea in this, and I'm not doubting there is, it is promptly and sufficiently overshadowed by sugar and chocolate. Is that the worst thing in the world? No. Is the fact that it is eight months past expiration date that really makes it? No. It isn't. It just tastes like chocolate milk. That's cool, right? Yes and no. I wanted a chocolate tea with Jasmine and Rooibos tea, as friggin' promised. I just got a white person's chocolate milk. We all know that white people are the worst, right? I mean, enjoy your mac and cheese, idiots.

To the six people that drank this that are not on my yacht, think twice next time I offer you something you can't read the label for that you saw three other people drink before you. It could be the thing that turns your life around. Now I'm sorry but I have to go put tanning oil on hot babes that aren't my wife. My wife is cool with it. She told me she was.



As I tend to do, I spoke too soon.

Nick said:


I was approached by Mike with a nod and a wink, which of course either meant it was time for an afternoon tryst... or time to sample a new beverage. As I do require continued employment and HR frowns on at-work conjugal relations, it was fortunately the latter.

The beverage in question was a bottle which was decidedly not labeled for sale in America, fully decked out in Asian-language glyphs. OK, we have a potential mouth party, here. Strap in, taste buds.

I did see one English word: chocolate. Now, chocolate for me can be a multi-layer extravaganza of flavors, or a cloyingly sweet abomination of which Hershey's would be proud. The first sip showed this drink leaned more towards the latter. Primary flavor: sweet. Meh. There's also a texture that says to me there's some milk or other form of emulsified fat going on here. It's feels a little creamy.

What followed was a flavor I can describe as not-hot hot chocolate. Yeah, you know... the cup of hot chocolate you made to warm up after snow-blowing the GD driveway for the second time today, only to be drawn away by a wife request for something that clearly would have been less time for her to just do herself, and then later re-discover your room-temp cup, and then remembering as you drink it that room-temp hot chocolate is not nearly as good, and become lost in a downward spiral of negative emotions. Maybe that's just me, though. OK, I'm exaggerating. It's not bad. It's just not *good*. I wouldn't seek it out for this part. Thus far, we're not looking at a beverage I'd actively seek out again.

Ah - but the last, lingering hit of background tastes (and aftertaste). There's something going on here. Putting a finger on it is nigh impossible, between OMG SWEET and the milky texture and the mild cocoa. But there's... something. A complex of multiple things, very subtle. I'd later learn this was tea and hibiscus. It could have been turmeric and turpentine for all I could tell; they're so muted. But it *was* pleasant.
Is the little blend of almost missed flavors enough to make this a repeat drink?

Nah. I think it would have benefited from those secondary flavors being brought forward more.

I'm happy to have sampled it, and I enjoyed drinking what I had, but no, I wouldn't buy one. I'd probably have a hit if it was given to me. Especially if it was from Mike... with that wink and nod.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 25th, 2019
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Arteasan Green Tea Passion Fruit Elderberry Peppermint

Arteasan Green Tea Passion Fruit Elderberry Peppermint

Dear Readers,
I have to be honest with you, I am sick to death of stevia. Yes, I know it’s the healthier zero-calorie sweetener, but a majority of the time it is in a beverage it becomes 60% of the flavor. I’m all for less sugar and calories, but I would rather forgo a sweetener altogether than have to taste this nonsense all the time. It’s been a big part of the slowdown of Thirst Dudes (at least on my end). Almost every time I come across a new beverage that looks like it would be great, the S sweetener is listed in the ingredients. It becomes a heavy task to try to ignore the flavor and write a proper review for beverages.

This drink really jumped out at me though. Passion fruit is a definitely weakness for me, and elderberry is nothing to slouch at either. I just had to take the chance. Did it pay off? Well, not totally, but more than I expected. The stevia makes up maybe 35% of the flavor instead of the expected 60%. The fruit flavors are on the lighter side, as I believe they should be when they are just flavoring a tea. Sometimes I wonder why companies make teas instead of “juice drinks” when they go overboard with the flavoring and you can’t even make out the tea. This is a green tea at its heart with some flavoring added to enhance it. I really don’t taste peppermint at all, but I’m fine with that. Really, if it weren’t for the stevia and they had just left this unsweetened I would have given it 5 bottles and raved about it. Unfortunately, all of the wonderful natural flavor gets muddled into a diet aftertaste. Who wants that?

Website
http://arteasan.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Stevia
Categories
Diet, Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 4th, 2019
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Nongfu Spring Tea Peach Oolong

Nongfu Spring Tea Peach Oolong

It's been a long time since I've drank anything with this much sugar in it. There is sugar, presumably cane sugar, and also honey which makes this peach oolong taste fantastic. Seriously, this was great. If it had half the sugar, it might be better. The honey adds more flavor than it did sweetness but man, this was good. The peach flavor was good. I might say that the sugar overpowered the child custody arm wrestling match against the oolong to the point where it was just a "tea base" instead of something truly distinguishable.

Would I get this again? I don't think so. I would recommend it with the caveat of, "If you like sweet tea, you will love this." but my palate doesn't really do so hot against drinks like this anymore. It doesn't hurt the review but it would count against me telling other people to get it. Seriously, though. If you like sweetened, flavored tea, get this. Get this and you'll never drink a Brisk raspberry again. I know peach and raspberries are different fruits but if you are looking to become a better person in society, this over that.

Country
China
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on January 3rd, 2019
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Rockstar Boom Whipped Strawberry

Rockstar Boom Whipped Strawberry

I don’t know what type of Rockstar who would choose this nonsense as their “drink of choice,” energy related or not. It always blows my mind that energy drinks seem to be made mostly in flavors that would be of interest to mostly children. Is this like cigarette companies making their ads attractive to kids? I’m pretty sure it is. In 15-20 years I can only imagine there will be a crazy spike in the number of heart attacks due to organs being weakened over time from people constantly drinking these things.

You know those strawberry candies that come wrapped in foil/plastic that is supposed to look like a strawberry? This tastes like a watered down version of that with some skim milk in it for some reason. I know it says it’s whipped, but that is still a little unnerving to me. It’s like a liquid strawberries and cream that doesn’t taste even remotely natural. I really chose poorly with this one.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 31st, 2018
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Nomad Energy Plant Based Energy Drink

Nomad Energy Plant Based Energy Drink

I really appreciate when companies do things the “right” way. Nomad makes their product with very few ingredients and they are all sustainable. They are a company that cares about this world that we all share and they are taking efforts to make as little impact on it as it seemingly falls apart. The essentially turn the waste from coffee farming into caffeinated drinks. In addition to that they care about your bodies and have created an energy drink that it natural and not full of chemicals. To combine those two ideas I give it to you in their own words, “Imagine if Red Bull approached their products the way Patagonia approaches clothing. That’s us.” I can get behind that and I applaud them for their effort (they were also kind enough to send us a bunch of samples).

Everything is right on track here, well except the flavor. It is not gross, but it certainly is different and that all comes down to the cascara (coffeefruit). The base tastes like a coffee/plant hybrid. I’m pretty sure it will give new comers pause when they first try it. Mix that in with some lemon, maple, and salt and things get even stranger. The good news is that the more you drink the better it becomes. As with many new things, there is a learning curve here. Each of the six ingredients are present in the flavor and it’s an odd mixing, but one that I think people can grow to enjoy.

Website
http://https://nomadtrading.co/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Maple Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 21st, 2018
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Sound Sparkling Chamomile with Vanilla + Elderflower

Sound Sparkling Chamomile with Vanilla + Elderflower

This bottle says that, “We live in a world of flavors buried in sugar,” and it is not wrong. Somewhere along the line companies realized they could use inferior ingredients and just dump in a ton of sweetener and no one would be the wiser. People may have noticed, but a majority of them simply did not care and the forced it all in the face holes and people’s weight started to rise. I can’t lie, I do like sugar. Sweets are a rough spot for me because I have little control if they are in front of me. I oddly rarely think about them if I am not exposed to them but once I see them my body craves the sweetness. In beverages that is not really a thing anymore though. I much prefer little to no sugar in my teas and sparkling beverages. I like to be able to actually taste what I’m consuming and not have it be masked. Sound understands this so they grabbed their shovels and went back to the before time, when sugar was a treat and not a constant. Their sparkling teas are near perfection. They don’t skimp on the quality of their ingredients and you can taste them all. This is smooth, relaxing, and satisfying all in one gulp. The flavors are strong, but not overpowering. There is no sugar in here whatsoever, yet it still satisfies me in any sweetness that I may desire. This may not be for everyone but I have zero complaints and many accolades.

Website
http://www.soundtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 17th, 2018
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Rockstar Xdurance Energy Ripped Red

Rockstar Xdurance Energy Ripped Red

I am not the raging human I once was. There was a time in my life where I would leave for a trip to Toronto at 9PM, get there, hang out for hours, get back in my car and drive the 1:30/2:00 home and arrive in my driveway around 5am. I was perfectly fine doing that. In fact it seemed like a completely reasonable thing to do, and I did it without the help of caffeine or any other upper. It would just be Mike, myself and what we would consider to be good music playing way too loud. These days, leaving at 6 on a December evening feels like I should just be crawling into bed and it is a complete chore. I knew there was no way I would make it back alive without some help, so on the way to the border I stopped at a gas station and picked this up. As proven by me writing this, it works. It more than works. There were no yawns. No heavy eyes. No problems whatsoever. Just complete alertness (to a detrimental effect as I couldn’t fall asleep once I made it home 6 hours after drinking this.

While there is no problem with the functionality of this beverage, the taste leaves something to be desired. I know it’s my fault, expecting something sweetened with sucralose to taste anything but chemical, but I keep hoping a company will crack the code that will hide that gross flavor. Ripped Red is a fruit punch of sorts that seems to be a mixture of cherry, strawberry, and cranberry; a strange, but interesting mix. I think I actually want more strawberry cranberry hybrid drinks. It’s sweet and tastes like a Wonka candy that I wished existed. It’s just too bad that it’s all hidden under a fog of diet. Still I keep buying the low calorie energy drinks when I need them to ensure I don’t pack on the pounds as I get older. No one wants a chunky Jay.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 12th, 2018
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