Royal Mills Island Mocha

Royal Mills Island Mocha

Mocha, the adult version of chocolate milk. This is a pretty inarguable fact if you ask me, which you won't. What? I'm just being honest. Also, what's to ask? Mocha is coffee, sure, but it's also chocolate, which super negates the adulthood of coffee. Sure, adults eat chocolate and there is nothing childish about it but something about mixing the two together makes it some sort of "kid in a grown up's body." This is the equivalent of the late, great Mitch Hedberg's joke, "Fettuccine Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."

This is good, though. It's good at sharing between the coffee and chocolate and the sweetness is a good, short lived thing. You don't really get a lot of these canned coffee drinks that are too bad but this is one of the better mocha ones I've had. Still is a bit different than the ones you would get at a coffee shop but it's probably the milk that is used there is "real" versus the milk that is in here which somehow defies science and all refrigeration standards. This goes back and forth between coffee to chocolate to coffee again and that's a nice trip.

For the youth (silent "H") in you, have a mocha. If you want to stop being so stuffy with your ties and tie clips and cufflinks and slacks, have a mocha. Mocha, for those who aren't ready to grow up. Mocha, to prove that you're still "Cool." Mocha, a drink for those who still really like video games but have trouble waking up in the morning. Mocha, for those you who think that as an adult you have to go to coffee shops but don't like coffee. Mocha, for everyone.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 14 hours, 18 minutes ago
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Royal Mill Mocha Coffee Drinks 24 Cans X 11z

North American Beverage Chocolate Moose Milk Chocolate

North American Beverage Chocolate Moose Milk Chocolate

Look out! The moose is loose!! I don't know what to do. Climb on the kitchen table like a 50's housewife. That can't hurt. Can moose climb chairs? They can?! Oh man. Here they come? Close your eyes!!! I love you honey. This is it. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are...are they gone? Are we alive? What just happened? Is that a basket on the counter? What's in there? Canned chocolate milk? With a moose on it? Did that moose come in here and leave a basket of chocolate milk with a friggin' moose on it? What nice animals. Moving forward, I dare you to not think of all moose are angels. Let's have a crack at this stuff shall we? To celebrate living through that moose attack.

Hmm. You know, we've agreed that those moose are alright guys but this drink is alright in the most mediocre of terms. It's strangely thick and, yeah sure, it's chocolaty but it's like a weird, powdery chocolate milk. It tastes like it might be watered down, too. Not only that, but it unfortunately doesn't have any mousse-like qualities. I wouldn't expect it to other than the fact that the drink is called "Chocolate Moose" like it would be a play on words.

Honey, moose are our friends. Those great felt antlers. Great, nay, majestic animals. Their choice of drink needs work.

Website
http://www.northamericanbeverage.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 day, 10 hours ago
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Zola Coconut Water Espresso

Zola Coconut Water Espresso

Look at you with your designer jeans and sunglasses that cost as much as a months rent. You are so cool. Your fancy Italian loafers with matching tie and Spider Veloce. You're so cool. Well look at me. Sure I dress like I have for the last twenty years but I'm cool, too, right? I'm drinking two cool things; espresso and coconut water. Those are cool things, right? It's important to be cool. It's how we put ourselves on imaginary pedestals. This is good stuff, too. I might not have the finer things like those dope brown kid leather driving gloves that beautifully match your wooden steering wheel and stick shift. This drink though, brother. This drink is smooth and only half tastes like coconut. The coffee isn't totally too strong like you might like it in your Italian mind with your glorious hair. Look, bro. I'll say it. I don't care. You've got great hair. Try this, dude. No, I'm'a call you "dude" right? You're talking to me and I'm going to talk to you like you're talking to me. This is a good drink. I don't know what kind of standards you are used to but seriously, this is good. You know what? I'm done. No. I'm done with you. You and your beautiful tight fade and tight beard. Peace, bruh. You are an elitist. I'm trying to share with you and you're being a real jerk. Now I'm the elitist. Peace.

Website
http://zolaacai.com/
Country
Thailand
Sweetener
Evaporated Cane Juice
Categories
Coconut, Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 days, 12 hours ago
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Zola 100% Natural Coconut Water with Espresso, 17.5 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Switchel Original

Switchel Original

Look. I might catch some flak for this but this tastes like something that someone would make and drink on a dare. As I was reading through the ingredients, I saw "apple cider vinegar" and I knew that something was going to be up with this guy. Everything else in here sounds like it might make a cool drink, though; maple syrup, lemon juice, ginger root and molasses. Awesome right? Well kiss the promise of a decent drink goodbye because vinegar is here to stay and ruin your fun like some sort of cloud on a sunny day. Two sips in. I quit. This might be where we came from, but we have progressed from this. Enjoy things from the past like architecture, cave drawings, and classic cars. Leave stuff like this in the past where it belongs with it's friends the black plague, building pyramids by hand and Jnco Jeans.

Website
http://www.vtswitchel.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Maple Syrup
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 3 days, 11 hours ago
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Vemma Verve! Mojoe

Vemma Verve! Mojoe

Oh the mid-day slumps. On a gorgeous Friday evening after a seemingly endless winter, it's in the sixties outside and my body is craving the vitamin D that only doctor sun can prescribe my pale, pale skin. These Vemma drinks have been pretty good to us but this one is ravaging my poor body. It's fine. It's my fault. I only sparingly drink coffee or energy drinks but this one hit me really fast and really hard. Once again, I'm not counting this against them and you, as an energy drink drinker (working title) might like that instant jolt. Since I've covered half of this drink, the other half, proud residents of Coffeetown, need their fill. As a coffee drink it's oddly smooth and even though cane sugar is the primary sweetener, or at least the one towards the top of the list, that Reb A is shining through. It's not bad, but it's in there and you know it. I had to search for it in the rather long list of ingredients. I think Vemma is trying to make this healthier than "the other guys" but putting mangosteen, aloe vera, and green tea in there but what you get is an oddly smooth, pretty sweet, coffee flavored drink. Is it a lose? No. Is it a bad? No. It's just kind of "fine" because it's so much going on. Satin sheets seem like a good idea until you have to sleep in them and they keep getting kicked off you by your dumb lover, am I right? That's what this is. This drink is your idea of a sexy sheet but the realization that it's too much to handle.

Website
http://www.vemma.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 6 days, 9 hours ago
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Popeye's Chicken Sweet Tea

Popeye's Chicken Sweet Tea

A disastrous discovery is that Popeye's chicken is fantastic. We've had commercials for Popeye's for years but just got one where we live about two months ago and...it...is...always...packed. We have for as long as human record can recall, had Kentucky Fried Chicken. This is not a KFC versus Popeye's debate. That is reserved for a delicious dinnertime competition. This is a one-on-none competition between Popeye's sweet tea and nothing.

This drink should not join the list of "things that will or could kill me" down the list past "get stabbed in the back" which will be how I die. This is sweet tea, man. Sweet, delicious, cane sugar'd sweet tea. No jokes and not lies. It's thick but still have the remnants of the tea which is kind of surprising.

It's so dangerous that this is so close. This could be bad news. This is so good.

Website
http://popeyes.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 1 day ago
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Waialua Soda Works Lilikoi

Waialua Soda Works Lilikoi

I do not know what lilikoi is but whatever it is I bet it pairs wonderful with some Spam. I have also never been to Hawaii but Jay has so fifty percent of the Thirsty Dudes know what it's like to come off a plane and wear a lei. Do they still do that? I hope so.

This tastes like something Dog the Bounty Hunter would have secret cases of. I also mean that in the best possible way. This is slightly floral but pretty sweet. I can't place it but it kind of tastes like the sensation you get from Zotz when they start to erupt in your mouth much like Mauna Loa. It's actually good enough for me to lose track and drink the whole bottle, something that I rarely do with an entire bottle of pop by my lonesome.

Hawaii, I hope to get lost inside of you one day but not anywhere close to where Dog runs because those joints look sketchy.

Website
http://www.waialuasodaworks.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 2 days ago
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Cold Stone Pineapple Blueberry

Cold Stone Pineapple Blueberry

You get that itch that says, "You need something else, man. Get it." and you know what you have to do. Your body arises from it's seat which has held the weight of your body for too long and you begin walking, as if asleep out the door. You get to your destination having no recollection of how you got there and before you know it you are ordering a smoothie from the window. You shake your head to wake yourself out of the haze you are in and you wake up with a pineapple and blueberry smoothie sitting in a "leather" chair next to a "fire" inside of a fine new establishment filled with employees who want to be anywhere buy there and patrons that want to be anywhere but home. As you take your first sip you realize that everything is fine and fades away like smoke from a freshly blown out candle. This is a cold, fruity smoothie that your body craved and didn't give you the opportunity to deny. The blueberry pokes his head out more than the shy pineapple even though it would have been better the other way around. The mix itself is thick and cold and comes out almost tubular through the straw until it melts on your tongue. The seeds and grit and grime of the natural fruit add to the pleasing texture of the drink.

As you take your final sips, the outside world comes into focus and you realize that no more than fifteen minutes have passed and you are a block from work. You just needed a break from the monotony of making other people money. You earned it. Now you have to get back to work.

Website
http://https://www.coldstonecreamery.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 3 days ago
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Swamp Pop Satsuma Fizz

Swamp Pop Satsuma Fizz

Even the dastardly scientists at Swamp Pop couldn't save this orange pop. It is, and will forever be, an untamable beast. The "junkyard dog" of flavors, orange pop will always be just orange pop. It's fine. They didn't do a bad job and it's cleaner and less syrupy than a lot of the other orange pops I've had but at the end of the day, if a hot dog isn't in my hand and sunglasses on my head, it's not time for orange pop. Sure, it's not limited to backyard hootenannys but regardless of the case, I'm left with a bottle or can of the same, half full container of the same-ish orange liquid. Sorry everyone and especially sorry to Swamp Pop who had until this point, earned near perfect marks. This is your "C" to keep you humble.

Website
http://drinkswamppop.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 4 days ago
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Compal Fresh Apple

Compal Fresh Apple

Apple juice. It's apple juice. It's good, too. It's good apple juice. What I'm drinking is good apple juice. No sugar. All apples. Just apple juice.

Website
http://www.compal.pt/
Country
Portugal
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 weeks ago
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