Mountain Dew Dew.S.A.

Mountain Dew Dew.S.A.

Wow. If you gave even a teaspoon of this to even the toughest eagle, it would fly into the goddamn sun and burn to a well-done representation of itself never to spread its wings again. Look. I don't hate myself. Do I get depressed and wonder about my life? Yeah, sure. We all do. Drinking this is like two rungs away from suicide. I drank half and had to choke that down. It's so sweet. So sweet. Half a can at a backyard barbecue for this website only. If this site didn't exist, my lips would have never touched the indistinguishable pop.

What does it taste like? It's hard to say. This is going to sound stupid but it's true but it tastes like if you filled up a cup half with regular, mom and pop Mountain Dew and then put all the other Mountain Dews in there to top it off. Sure, you can call it White Out, Voltage and Code Red and sure it might be, but none of these have terrible distinguishable flavors so mashing and mushing them all up together isn't going to get you any closer to success.

Look, the Fourth of July is coming up and maybe we need something like this in our lives to feel patriotic. What's more American than three Mountain Dews that are readily available dumped into one can and sold as a fourth Mountain Dew that tastes like fruity liquid sewage? Who cares, right? 'Merica. Rest in toasty pieces, eagle. You did all you could when you were with us. From that time you ate that mouse to the time you ate that other mouse. We'll never forget.

Website
http://www.mountaindew.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 days, 14 hours ago
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Spindrift Sparkling Water Raspberry Lime

Spindrift Sparkling Water Raspberry Lime

I enjoy Spindrift's stuff. I've had a bunch of it and it's nice to see it come here (Buffalo) so that it makes it easier to get. It's like a seltzer for people who want things a little more juice and less seltzer. It's kind of a mild difference but it's there and you can tell even if you can't put your finger on exactly what it is. This has a taste you have to either just like or get used to, though. It's not like a seltzer in that it's bright and bubbly so don't go in head first and expect it. It's got something else that, like I said, I can't pinpoint exactly what it is.

As far as the taste, it's an accurate raspberry and lime flavor. Evenly flavored and not messed around with other sweeteners or ingredients. It's a nice, bare bones drink that could be a nice alternative to your seltzer habit which I can stop at any time, mom, jeez! Get off my back already.

Website
http://www.spindriftsoda.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 days, 14 hours ago
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Busy Bee Yerba Mate Honey Mint

Busy Bee Yerba Mate Honey Mint

I don't know what to say. I'm rarely in this position but I am at a loss for words. I do not know, and I've tried, if I like this. Yerba mate has never been high on my list of things that I really like but I am 95% done with this bottle and drank all of that with an open mind. Where has that gotten me? Nowhere, really. I've been sipping on it for an entire day and I don't know what to make of it.

It's bitter. Yerba mate is bitter. It's not punishing but it doesn't go down smooth, that's for truth. The honey is masked by the flavor of the tea and the mint is nearly non-existent. I'm not penalizing it for what it is and I'm not punishing it for what it could be. This is an honest yerba mate if there ever was one but it is, for me at least, a tough pill to swallow. It's lightly sweetened but it's not for kids. If a kid likes this, they have really crunchy parents and probably real all the time. Put that in your dad's medicine pipe and smoke it if you live in whatever states weed is legal in.

Website
http://busybeemate.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Wildflower Honey
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 2 days ago
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Farmer Springs Milk Tea Matcha

Farmer Springs Milk Tea Matcha

Jay loves matcha. Why did I review this then? Don't ask questions. That's why.

This was purchased as a local Asian grocery store I tend to go to. I brought my son thinking he might like some different snacks and treats. For the record I thought wrong. I bought him a mochi ball and he didn't like it. I bought him a chunky juice and he didn't like it.

This was good but even in the small bottle there is no way I could finish it. It does taste like matcha but after a while, you eventually lose the green tea taste and it starts to taste like the milk at the end of cereal. Once again, not bad, but exhausting and sweet. Not tooth rottingly sweet but too sweet for me to drink even this baby bottle.

Country
China
Sweetener
Fructose Syrup
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 weeks, 1 day ago
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Polar Seltzer Watermelon Margarita

Polar Seltzer Watermelon Margarita

I do not know what a margarita is aside from a drink that my live-in-wife likes to order as a "salty marg." This did taste like watermelon, or, perhaps closer to a watermelon candy (somehow) without sugar. Could you imagine eating watermelon that wasn't sweet? That would be a strange thing. Watermelons are very sweet. This was not at all sweet and as far as I could tell, also not salty. I don't know what this is, to be quite honest. Sparkling watermelon perhaps. The margarita might just be a word they used to append to the end.

This is not bad and it's far from my least favorite but it's not bad. It's unfortunately not one of the ones I would come back to actively. There are times when I go to parties and think to myself, "Well the kids will have juice boxes and the adults will have beers so it looks like it's another Polar for me." and that's how I roll to parties. I might roll with this. It's safe but it's not exceptional.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 weeks, 1 day ago
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Vita Coco Pure Coconut Water With Lemon Tea

Vita Coco Pure Coconut Water With Lemon Tea

Since the ingredients are listed as “Tea(water, tea)” I don’t believe this is the case, but this really tastes like a kettle of coconut water was boiled and then some tea bags were steeped in it and finally a healthy squirt (or two or five) of lemon was shot into it. The flavors are so seamless that it doesn’t feel like the finished products could have just been mixed together. It’s certainly an interesting flavor that I could see myself enjoying on all of those trips I take to tropical locations, where I do nothing but lounge in the sun staring out in to the ocean, but since I don’t ever do those things, I don’t know when I would drink this. It’s really good, but it also feels like it has a very specific purpose. It’s the kind of beverage that it just feels wrong sipping it while just sitting around your house. It needs to be enjoyed in the blistering heat of a summer sun. I’m sure many people will enjoy it in such a manner, but since that ball of gas in the sky and I are sworn enemies, I’m afraid I will never truly enjoy this in its intended manner.

Website
http://www.vitacoco.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coconut, Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 weeks, 1 day ago
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Mati Healthy Energy Citrus

Mati Healthy Energy Citrus

I started off thinking these Mati drinks weren’t very good. I blamed it on thinking that it was going to be a yerba mate base and not guayusa. Then, knowing what I was getting into better, I thought I enjoyed them a decent amount. Now, after drinking 5 or 6 cans of various flavors with some repeating, I really don’t know what I think. I really want to like it, because it’s different and healthier, but at the same time there is something a little off with the flavor. Not like spoiled “off,” but just strange that I can’t seem to acclimate myself to. As soon as I take my first sip of any can, I’m not really a fan, but then about halfway through I start to “get it” and the enjoyment begins. The problem is that if I were to drink another can the next day it would be the same situation and not instant gratification. I know there are certain consumables that you need to grow into. They are things that you completely dislike when you first try them, but eventually they can become your favorites. People say that about beer, but I don’t think that flavor could ever be something I would intentionally want in my mouth. You get the idea though. Will that happen with Mati drinks? Is it something that no matter how many times I drink it I will always have to “work” for the pleasure with each can? I don’t know if that is something I want. Definitely not on a regular basis.

I would say this is 60% guayusa 20% orange and 20% lime. At least half of the citrus aspect of this tastes like it comes from the rind. That’s not a terrible thing, but something I feel is worth noting. The more I think about the citrus, the more it seems to come through. Maybe it’s because I’m nearing the end of the can. Maybe it’s there because I’m looking for it. These drinks will remain a mystery.

Website
http://www.matienergy.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 weeks, 1 day ago
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Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee S'Mores

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee S'Mores

Where do I start with this...? It's not great. That's where I'll start. Before the similes and before the jokes, let's get to the marshmallow'y meat of this whole ordeal. It's not great. It tastes vaguely of marshmallow if you made a marshmallow with an array of chemicals...errrr...artificial sweeteners and then covered in more sugar. This time, and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here, real sugar.

This has more of a coffee taste than many of the other iced coffee's I've have, which is a welcome change but the rest of it...I feel like I might need a tongue scraper. It's a very prominent, strong taste that I wish I couldn't taste anymore. I'm not saying it's terrible and I'm going to barf, but after sharing half of this and finishing a half of what I had left, I don't know how much s'more endurance I have left in me. That's not a pun. I don't do puns. I'm better than that.

If you're wondering, I can't taste any chocolate or graham cracker. Marshmallow and coffee and endless questionable sweeteners. This will surly bring a plague of unknown disease upon my poor, meat-filled body. I just won't know about it for another twenty years when the test results come back. Prognosis...negative.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 3 weeks, 1 day ago
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Spindrift Sparkling Water Grapefruit

Spindrift Sparkling Water Grapefruit

You know in the Declaration of Independence where it says “We hold these truths to be self-evident?” Well, all seltzers being created equal was most definitely not one of those truths that our Founding Fathers were referring to. It’s probably because it’s not a truth at all. It’s a flat out lie. Sure 90% of the seltzer waters out there are created equally, but then there is the other 10% who rise above and boy do they shine. I’ve drunk a lot of grapefruit seltzer over the past few years and I have to tell you, this is #1 with a bullet. The secret to its success is really no secret at all; there is 8% juice in this can, which equates to 3g of sugar. I’ll take that tradeoff for a far superior beverage. It’s like your dear grandmamma squeezed her morning grapefruit into a glass of sparkling water. Juice is the key to a lot of things in this life. I’ve never been in a situation where real juice has made anything taste worse. Take note….well…everyone.

Website
http://www.spindriftsoda.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 weeks, 2 days ago
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Teavana Craft Iced Tea Pineapple Berry Blue

Teavana Craft Iced Tea Pineapple Berry Blue

I went in to 7-11 looking for one thing and left for something probably way better. I have not had a true Pepsi Fire myself. I say "true" because I got a Slurpee and, in true fashion, I mixed it up. I thought that I would get one for myself tonight but I got sidetracked by this little beauty and what a little beauty it was.

This is lightly sweetened and very strongly flavored. Nice hibiscus flavor. There are "other berries" in there, sure but it's a wonderful evening treat. The rooibos, which I am unfortunately 50/50 on, won me over in this particular drink. Sometimes I feel it can be strong for my taste but everything was done very well here. Very well indeed. There are other flavors out there. Something to think about. Something to dream about.

Website
http://www.teavana.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 3 weeks, 2 days ago
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