Auriganic Auricularia Auricula Carrots Beets & Goji Berries

Auriganic Auricularia Auricula Carrots Beets & Goji Berries

What a fancy drink this is. Everything is unpronounceable which means science. One of this drink's primary ingredient is mushrooms. Mushrooms! You would think that it tastes like an old shoe or something but you would be wrong. You would be dead wrong. Additionally, there are carrots and beets which would make it taste like the canning area in your grandma's basement.

This is surprisingly good. It's sweet enough from the apple juice and lemon juice concentrate that you can get away with some sneaky vegetables. You can trick me all you want if this is the outcome.

This tastes like there are some sneaky ingredients but somehow knowing what they are make it better. You're drinking mushrooms, dude and you like it. You are drinking something they put on pizza and having the time of your life. You should be shaking their hands in wonderment. Scientists and wizards. Same thing, right?

Website
http://auriganic.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 16 hours, 1 minute ago
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Stewart's Shops Cream Soda

Stewart's Shops Cream Soda

You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other people, here, in the trailer park. Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe
watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people, Stuart. But they don't know ... Wait, this isn’t a Dead Milkmen song. The titular character doesn’t even spell his name the same as this soda company. They really have nothing to do with each other, and to be frank, I am a bit disappointed. I wanted to tie in some humorous music from my high school years into a review about a soda from Sarasota Springs, NY.

If I’m going to continue to be honest with you I have to admit that I think the song that is currently playing in my head is better than the soda. It has humor and wit (and a bit of homophobia, but it’s from a character and not the author). The soda is only delivering me a very syrupy, bubbly vanilla flavor. It tastes like too much caramel got put into the mix and it made it even thicker than the corn syrup did on its own. It’s a serviceable soda, but it’s not something I would ever crave, or even purchase myself. I have a certain standard for cream soda and this simply does not reach it.

In other news remember in Stuart when he references the “Johnny Wurster boy?” Yeah, it’s that John Wurster of Superchunk, Best Show, Bob Mould, and Mountain Goats fame. Life is strange sometimes.

Website
http://www.stewartsshops.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 day, 21 hours ago
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Bluewater Farms Farm Fresh Cranberry Sweet Tea

Bluewater Farms Farm Fresh Cranberry Sweet Tea

Normally when you get a flavored tea the ratio is along the lines of 85% tea 15% fruit flavor. That is unless it’s some artificial garbage, then the ratio can be all over the place. This beverage is closer to an Arnold Palmer 50/50 split. It tastes like it’s equal parts juice to tea. It’s not what I’m used to, but it’s pretty great. To be fair this is far from a sweet tea. In my world that is a very specific way of preparing iced tea. This is actually unsweetened except for the sugar from the cranberries. It’s not overly tart, but it’s not the cavity promoting wonderful swill that is sweet tea. Also, they actually use somewhat fancy tea in this as well. It’s a blend of Orange Pekoe and Pekoe Cut Black Tea. That’s higher up the tea chain than the normal every day black that is generally used in sweet tea. In summation it’s not really sweet tea, and it’s more juice than most teas, but neither of those are necessarily bad things and this is great.

Website
http://bluewaterfarms.us/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea, Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 4 days, 11 hours ago
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Mountain Dew Dewshine

Mountain Dew Dewshine

Oh man. I forgot I've got an Unreal Tournament later and I ain't got m' Dew. I can't get headshots if I ain't got m' dew. No. I can't drink Sprite, man. I need Mountain Dew. Wait wuuuuutt? It's clear. It's not Dew. Dewshine? Hmm. I'm skeptical of that, buddy. I'll try it because I need my fix.

Hey. This is good. I don't want to say it's better than Dew but it is. It's not as sweet. Look. I'm forty. I can't be drinking Mountain Dew all day like I used to. This is more like a lemon-lime pop than Mountain Dew. Look, you know as well as I that Mountain Dew is awful for you. A guilty pleasure, sure but it's got to be eating me from the inside out.

This is good. You are right. And you know what? I'll cut back on Mountain Dew. I might drink more of this. It's not going to be an even switch. I know I've got to switch but like I said, I need m' Dew.

Website
http://www.mountaindew.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 4 days, 17 hours ago
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Mountain Dew Dewshine Limited Edition Soda in 12 Fl Oz Glass Bottle

Kill Cliff Recovery Drink Free Fall Lemon Lime

Kill Cliff Recovery Drink Free Fall Lemon Lime

Can we pretend for a minute that the US Army includes cans of lemon-lime Kill Cliff in the rations of all soldiers in active duty? A can of this would fit in an MRE, right? You get your pasta, your crackers, and a can of recovery drink. Let’s be honest those soldiers need a beverage of this type way more than most civilians do. I mean how many essential vitamins and minerals are those fighting folks going to really get from preservative laden meals? Not much by my calculations. I think this actually be a reality because why else would this can be camouflaged? Sure it’s not the right colored camo for the current war(s) we’re in, but I’m sure we’ll get back to these colors in no time at all.

I do hope the soldiers like diet lemon lime soda, because that is what this tastes like. Okay, maybe that’s not giving it it’s proper due. This tastes like the best diet lemon lime soda I’ve ever tasted. Sure, that’s not really saying much, but it’s an important distinction. It has a decent lemon lime flavor which is stronger and more flavorful than say a Sprite or 7Up. Also the use of erythritol and stevia as sweeteners destroys all of that sucralose filled garbage on the market. This is definitely not a flavor that I would choose out of a batch, but if I were in enemy territory and this was handed to me with my meal I would be one excited soldier.

Website
http://www.killcliff.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 5 days, 10 hours ago
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Kill Cliff Force Field Lemon-Lime 4 - 12 oz Cans

Starbucks Doubleshot Coffee and Protein

Starbucks Doubleshot Coffee and Protein

There’s nothing better than a hot coffee and a nice, juicy steak, huh, Bob? This is how I begin and close out every day. A nice porterhouse and a rich, tall glass of coffee. No, Bob. I mean it. Every day. It's how I stay a healthy, vibrant three-hundred pounds. It's more for the ladies to love, if you know what I mean. You don't know what I mean? Well, Bob, when a man and a woman...oh...oh...you do get it. Alright.

What do you have there? Oh, a Starbucks drink. How cute. Wait, what's in it. Protein and coffee. Hmm. You might be on to something. Can I have that can? I'll gladly pay you for it. Thanks.

This isn't too bad. It's got a smooth coffee taste that's a little like the original Frappuccino. You can get a little of the sweet and bitterness from the erythritol but that's really nominal. You don't really get protein, which is nice because sometimes protein drinks can be really gritty.

You might be on to something, Bob. Bob, I spend a hundred dollars a day on fine coffee and sixteen ounce steaks. I can now spend $5. You just saved me almost $35,000 a year. You know what; you just earned yourself a sixty-five cent raise. Congratulations. Enjoy your raise.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 5 days, 20 hours ago
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Starbucks Doubleshot Coffee and Protein, 11 Ounce Cans (Pack of 12)

Steaz Iced Green Tea Unsweetened Passionfruit

Steaz Iced Green Tea Unsweetened Passionfruit

As I sit here and drink this I find myself thinking “Well this is underwhelming.” The thing is, I am wrong, dead wrong. You see I forget that most humans don’t have two growlers in their fridge at all times that are used to hold unsweetened iced tea that they make. I like fruity teas and passionfruit may be the fruitiest of all fruits, so this tastes a lot like tea I have made and drank in mass quantities. This is actually a wonderful tea, but since it’s in my normal wheelhouse it seems almost boring to me. To anyone else this would more than likely be great. Well, unless they don’t like unsweetened tea. If that’s the case, what are they doing drinking this, when they know they won’t like it? This is green tea with a nice hint of passionfruit in it. The tea runs the game while the fruit is just there for backup. It’s simple, it’s perfect, and now that my can is empty I find myself wanting about 5 more of them. So much for underwhelming.

Website
http://www.steaz.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 1 day ago
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Steaz Organic Iced Green Tea, Unsweetened Passionfruit, 16 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Beet Performance Beet Juice with B12

Beet Performance Beet Juice with B12

Well, this is certainly beet juice. It is a frightening shade of red. Like blood red. There is citric acid in there which I'm assuming just keeps it from spoiling. There is also B12. That's it. Simplistic. This tastes like a one-dimensional V8. It's vegetables, man. It could be better with a pinch of salt but that would not be healthy anymore. It's not bad. It just feels a bit boring. "Healthy for healthy sake." This is probably wildly amazing for you and I might feel like a million dollars. I also feared for my life that some of it would touch my clothes as I drank it and opened it and looked at it because if it touched anything, trust me, it would be embedded for life like that time you accidentally walked in on your dad naked and you can't get his dangles out of your mind.

I just hope my poop looks awesome later.

Website
http://www.beetperformer.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 1 day ago
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Beet Performer Beet Juice with B12 8.4 Fl. Oz. Can (12 Pack)

Jubali Smoothie Carrot Cake

Jubali Smoothie Carrot Cake

Happy birthday to me. Well, actually since I’m over 21 and this is not a decade birthday for me it really is meaningless, but let’s pretend it does for the sake of this review. You see this beverage is my birthday cake. I didn’t have a real one, because you’re 36th birthday doesn’t mean a goddamn thing, so I’ll substitute a carrot cake smoothie in for a physical solid cake.

This is more intense than any real cake that would be served to me anyway. This beverage is basically what would happen if you made a vegan carrot cake, and took out all of the gluten elements of it. What you have left is a very thick concoction of carrots, banana (luckily it was invisible in the flavor), cinnamon, ginger and almond milk. It tastes exactly like carrot cake with double the amount of normal spices. The ginger and cinnamon in here are really intense. I’m not kidding it’s to an extent that it’s a challenge to drink the whole bottle, but it’s the kind of challenge that I like…okay I’m about 2/3 through the bottle and it’s getting hard to keep going with drinking this. It tastes exactly like it should, but man those spices are intense. This smoothie certainly isn’t for everyone, but if you love this specific type of spice and carrot cake is a passion of yours, by all means dive right in. I’m sitting here powering on, just regretting that I didn’t put a candle on this thing and blow it out like a dumb idiot.

Website
http://www.jubali.org/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Ginger, Juice, Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 2 days ago
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REBBL Superherb Tonic Ginger Citrus

REBBL Superherb Tonic Ginger Citrus

Have you ever wondered what good health tastes like? Well ponder no more because REBBL has bottled the feeling and taste in this near perfect beverage. I dare anyone to take a sip of this and not feel instantly rejuvenated. Have you had a crappy day and now you just feel completely worn out and like cold diarrhea on a paper plate? Take a drink and welcome yourself back to the functioning world. Who needs cocaine to keep the party going when you have this? Well it might not be a party, but at least you’ll feel great.

It’s actually a rather simple beverage. It’s green tea with a little bit of orange and lemon in the mix. On top of that there is some vanilla, ginseng, ginger, cinnamon, and anise. That’s a whole mess of awesome things mixed together to make something greater than its parts. It’s sweetened with stevia, but the flavor of that is completely lost amongst the other ingredients. I know what you’re asking, “Thirsty Dudes all you seem to care about is ginger; how is it in this magical bottle?” Well I’ll tell you, it’s pretty subtle. It’s there is flavor, but not in burn factor. Normally I would find that disappointing, but in here it would just take away from the rest of the greatness.

In summary this is a nice little citrus green tea with a kick. A kick that will boot you right in the butt and make you feel a little better about being alive.

Website
http://www.rebbltonic.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Stevia
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 3 days ago
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