Sapp Birch Water Original

Sapp Birch Water Original

Birch beer is fantastic. Let's get this. Well this doesn't taste like birch beer. It doesn't smell like it. It doesn't taste like it. This is probably (zero research, friends) the birch equivalent of maple water but doesn't tastes like you strained it through some tasty flapjacks.

Brass tacks. This is water, bruh. It's water with a hint of something you will never know what it is. I promise. It tastes like nothing. It smells like nothing. I could have been had with this drink as far as I know. Is it bad? Well that depends. Are you one of those idiots that thinks water is gross? If so, come on, dude. Grow up. Juice is terrible for you. Learn a book you dummy. Juice is just a cheating way to get kids to drink more water. You're 32. Drink water and eat your vegetables.

Website
http://www.sapplife.co/
Country
Ukraine
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 19 hours, 32 minutes ago
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Polar Seltzer'ade Raspberry Pink Lemonade

Polar Seltzer'ade Raspberry Pink Lemonade

Come on Polar, you obviously have the means, so why not make all of your seltzers this flavorful? Why save it for a specialized line? Has there been a new breakthrough in the sugarless flavoring world that has allowed you to up the taste? Going back to your classic flavors after drinking the Seltzer’ade line just leaves me wanting now. I mean I am still drinking a ton of the stuff, but the magic is gone. I have been shown that the world is more than I thought it was and I want it all. This is bursting with flavor, well at least as much as seltzer can be. Or, can there be more? I never would have expected it could have been before, but I was proven wrong).Give me more Polar. Give me it all.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 day, 2 hours ago
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Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Acai

Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Acai

What in the hell is this? It's been a while since I've drank something this disgusting. This is 100% medicine. The Stevia, of which I am typically fine with is wildly overpowering and sticks with you for what feels like an eternity. The acai, of which I am not a huge fan of, tastes like a poorly under-mixed syrup concentrate. There is no ginger flavor regardless of it being the second ingredient. The sugar is nauseatingly sweet and overpowers and ruins just about everything. It's been a while for me friends, but this drink gets the lowest rating we give here at Thirsty Dudes. I wish I had a toothbrush.

Website
http://www.drinkbrooklynorganics.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia
Categories
Soda Pop, Sparkling
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 4 days, 7 hours ago
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Upruit Sparkling Coffee Mint Grapefruit

Upruit Sparkling Coffee Mint Grapefruit

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, where do I even begin with this beverage? Is it wonderful? It is horrendous? Even though base logic show us that one thing cannot be both, this somehow is. This beverage defies logic, and perhaps other sciences. One thing that I can say for certain about this is that it is intriguing and unlike anything I have ever encountered before.

When I came across this in a Brooklyn deli, I grabbed it without a thought and put my money on the counter for it and a delicious jerk sandwich. It wasn’t until I got a couple of blocks away that I realized that what I bought actually sounded terrible. Sparkling coffee is something that can be acceptable when it is done right, so more than likely no problem there. I can totally see mint in coffee. Actually it sounds like it would be delicious and it’s probably something that exists in most coffee shops. So far, so good. Then we get to the grapefruit and everything gets thrown out the window. Grapefruit and coffee sounds like one of the strangest combinations I could think of, and it very much is in reality. It’s unlike anything I have ever tasted before. The grapefruit isn’t subtle. It’s right out in the front. I would say this is 42% coffee, 42% grapefruit, and 6% mint. It’s a wild ride in your mouth, and my taste buds are very confused. So much citrus and bitter coffee; I think I may be short circuiting.

With each sip, I hate it, yet a few seconds later I find myself taking another drink. By the end of this I think I may truly love it. I hate myself for it, but it’s kind of fantastic in the worst possible way. It’s like an ex that you know is bad for you and who you never feel good about hanging out with afterwards, but somehow in the moment things work and nothing else matters. This drink may be the best bad decision you ever make that will have zero consequences. I need to try the other flavors. Good thing Mike and I are going back to NYC in a few weeks.

Website
http://https://drinkupruit.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Maple Syrup
Categories
Coffee, Sparkling
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 1 day ago
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Polar Seltzer'ade Watermelon Lemonade

Polar Seltzer'ade Watermelon Lemonade

Dear Readers,
I am a slacker and I am waaaaayyyy behind the times. This summer Polar released their Seltzer’ade line and here I sit in autumn’s grasp and I have only reviewed one of them. To be fair, the blueberry lemonade was the only one of the five flavors that I actually saw in the stores around Buffalo during the actual summer. Now that a Whole Foods finally opened here a couple of weeks ago I was able to pick up some cases of three of the remaining flavors (the tart cherry is still elusive). Summer may be behind us, but I certainly hope Polar leaves these available all year around. As much as I hate to admit it, they are superior to the classic Polar flavors that I live off of. The flavors are way more pronounced, to an extent that several times I have found myself checking to make sure there isn’t any sugar involved (there isn’t).

I would best describe the watermelon lemonade as someone dissolved a handful of Jolly Ranchers in a glass of carbonated water, and then somehow removed all the sugar. It doesn’t taste particularly like an actual watermelon, but it is uncannily similar to the pre mentioned candy without the sweetness. That blows my mind because that candy is probably 99% sugar, yet this tastes exactly like it.

This particular flavor isn’t something I would drink all of the time, but I wish I would have had it during the summer. I also think this line is the key to weening children off soda. Slowly replace their soda with cans of this and they will be off the sugar in no time, to the dismay of the Dental Association of America.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 2 days ago
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Caribe Cana Guava

Caribe Cana Guava

It’s fairly sad that walking through the grocery store and a new fancy juice presents itself to you, and that is the highlight of your day. I guess it is understandable when the juice is guava flavored, one of the elusive fruits that doesn’t make its way into beverage form nearly enough. I personally can’t get enough of this tropical treat.

This is a cold pressed juice from the Dominican Republic. It is simply cane juice, guava puree and filtered water. I shook this bottle with all my might, but the first half of the bottle was fairly weak and was more like a guava flavored water drink rather than a juice. As I pressed on, the taste got stronger with each sip. By the end it tastes like a great guava juice. I was hoping that the entire bottle was going to be a flavorful guava puree, but I will take what I can get when it comes to the world of guava.

Website
http://www.caribejuice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Raw Cane Juice
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 2 days ago
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X2 Performance All Natural Energy Lemon Flavored

X2 Performance All Natural Energy Lemon Flavored

Sometimes I feel like companies are taking things a bit too far with calling things energy drinks. This is just a mixture of black and green tea. Yes, I know that caffeine gives you energy, but with that logic every tea should be labeled an energy drink. The X2 name also makes it seem like it's going to be a crazy ride, when really it's just 106 mg of caffeine per can.

All of that nonsense aside it tastes like a fairly light tea that is very heavy on the lemon. The combination of the two teas is nice, but I would have liked it to be a bit stronger.

Website
http://www.x2performance.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 2 days ago
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Polar Seltzer Jr. Unicorn Kisses

Polar Seltzer Jr. Unicorn Kisses

Here we have it, the fourth and final Seltzer Jr flavor of the season (Also the first one released last year that I couldn’t get my hands on). The season is ending the hot weather is gone and fall is rolling right in. Should I have reviewed this when the weather was still nice and you were still able to find this on the shelves? Of course I should have, but life gets hectic and the 1 minutes that it’s going to take me to write this were too much to spare between hanging out in the woods and reading comics (and work and travelling). Did I drink a bunch of these and not write about it for about a month? You can bet your kids on it. Let’s be honest here, this was a limited line and there was no way that Polar wasn’t going to sell out of it. They barely lasted a week at my grocery store in Buffalo. They didn’t need my help pushing the product. They were kind enough to send me some samples before they made their way to the Western NY market though, which was very kind of them. We have nothing but love for Polar here at Thirsty Dudes. We just tend to be lazy sometimes. We do this for fun, and that’s that.
It turns out that a unicorn’s diet mostly consists of cucumbers because that is what this slobbery kiss tastes like. I also detect a bit of melon in there. On top of that it’s all candied up, even though there is no sugar. At first I was so-so on this one, but once I realized it was cucumber my interests rose.Well done Polar. Can’t wait until next summer.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 weeks ago
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Bruce Cost Brooklyn Crafter Ginger Beer Sugar Free Extra Spicy

Bruce Cost Brooklyn Crafter Ginger Beer Sugar Free Extra Spicy

How does one kill off the diet taste of stevia? The answer is apparently to bombard it with ginger. This is a joint effort from Bruce Cost and Brooklyn Organics to create a sugar free spicy ginger beer. Guess what? They did it and it’s pretty darn delicious. As far as I can tell the base of this soda is the plain Bruce cost ginger beer, except it is sweetened with stevia (the Brooklyn Organics way) and the amount of ginger in greatly increased. The result is a soda that only vaguely tastes like stevia with a fairly hefty burn to it. It doesn’t quite hit Goya level of painful, but it’s on its way. It is definitely at a level that makes this beverage a slow sipper. This isn’t a soda you are going to slurp down in a matter of minutes. This is something you’ll nurse over a decent amount of time, enjoying it with every sip.

As with most beverages that solely use zero calorie sweeteners, I would prefer it had real sugar in it, but I understand their reasons for not doing so. This may be the best sugar free soda I have ever tasted. It most definitely is the best diet ginger beer I’ve ever had (which has not been many). Sometimes you need to make tradeoffs in your life and I’m very happy this is out there as an option.

Website
http://www.freshgingerale.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Diet, Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 weeks, 1 day ago
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Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Classic

Brooklyn Organics Craft Ginger Ale Classic

Somewhere out there, someone’s dreams have come true. The stage is set like this; there is a human out there who is a total soda fiend. I’m talking like Mike’s mother in law who keeps a glass of diet Pepsi next to her bed at night (is that a real thing, or did my mind make it up?), except there is no diet in this addicts world. We are talking full sugar. For most of their life it was high fructose corn syrup this, and high fructose corn syrup that. Then cane sugar came back into vogue and their palate evolved into appreciating fancy sodas. There were no more two-liters in our subjects life it was all craft six (four)packs. Over time they realized that they didn’t feel quite right, something was obviously up with their health so they saw a health professional and were diagnosed with diabetes. The doctor informed them that their soda days were over unless they wanted to drink sucralose or aspartame (neither of which were recommended). Years went by and the Days of Soda seem like a mere fever dream. Then stevia came into fashion and there were sodas that were available that still tasted diet, but not like chemical death. The thing is that there was nothing on the market that matched our characters beloved ginger ale. Then Brooklyn Organics came about and suddenly they could have that classic ginger taste that they missed so dearly. Sure, it tasted heavily of stevia, but it was way better than what was on the market. It was a soda that tasted like real ginger, but with only the faintest hint of a burn. A true ginger ale.

Now, since I can enjoy beverages sweetened with sugar, this is clearly not for me. I know it’s healthier than regular soda, but I don’t drink them very often these days, so I’ll take the extra calories for a better flavor. To me this would be fantastic if it had real sugar. The ginger taste that fights its way through the stevia is wonderful. Unfortunately that stevia taste is really strong, and it’s simply not for me. This is for those out there who need to rely on zero-calorie sweeteners due to health, or those who for some reason can see past their flavor. If you fall into one of those categories get out there and buy this immediately. You won’t be sorry.

Website
http://www.drinkbrooklynorganics.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Diet, Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 weeks, 2 days ago
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