Tommyknocker Strawberry Cream
Gnomes enjoy mixing fruits and creams. Reason being they live in a region that encourages growth of all fruit year round. They also work for a large creamery owned and operated by gnomes. Seriously, everyone that works or is affiliated with the creamery is a gnome.
Gnomes are partial to strawberries and they thought that it would be a good idea to mix their finest cream with their regular strawberries. This led to the creation of this pop. Problem is that the gnomes have remarkable taste buds. Think of the way dogs can hear awesomely.
Us average sized people do not have the fine tunings of a gnome and therefore the flavors of this pop is lost on us. Everything is dumbed down and it tastes sweet and then as an aftertaste you get a tiny bit of strawberry.
Gnomes don't quite though so this pop will be made until the creamery closes it's doors for the last time. For the gnomes sake, I don't want that to happen. I just don't want them out of work, you know? These are tough times.
- Website
- http://www.tommyknocker.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 6 hours, 17 minutes ago
La Cena Nectar Strawberry Guava
Every time I looked at this bottle on my shelf I mistook the guava on the label as a banana. As we’ve covered before bananas are gross. They are actually the only fruit I can’t hang with. Guava on the other hand is one of my favorites. If this were strawberry banana it would have been hard for me to get one sip down. Luckily that’s not the case and I am sitting here wishing that the bottle were bigger. It is pure guava and strawberry juice mixed together with a little water and sugar. Honestly had they not added the sugar this would have gotten a five-bottle review, but I’ll take what I can get. It’s sweet, fruity and oh so tasty.
- Country
- Egypt
- Sweetener
- Sucrose
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 13 hours, 29 minutes ago
Sort This Out Elvira's Crypt Keeper Cola
We are gathered here to celebrate the unholy alliance between Elvira Mistress of the Dark and the Crypt Keeper (you know the bony guy from Tales From the Crypt). I for one would like to say it's about time these two teamed up and I am glad that they found love together. Wait, what is that? The Crypt Keeper is just a puppet and not a real thing? Well that just makes this awkward. Elvira can't marry a puppet. That won't fly in this state. That wouldn't even fly in Vermont! So we're all agreed that the wedding is off? Good. I'm sorry to waste everyone's time. Feel free to eat all the food, no reason it should all go to waste just because someone didn't do any research on whether or not her future husband is real or not. That's right Elvira, I'm looking in your direction. For shame!
Okay everyone; don't forget your wedding favors. Since this wasn't a traditional wedding, we decided to do things a bit different and had some soda made up. We came up with it fairly last minute and the brewery needed a label quick, so we just called it "Elvira-Crypt Keeper Cola." The printer messed up, as they always seem to do and it ended up saying "Elvira's Crypt Keeper Cola." I guess that makes more sense now anyways. So yeah, grab your bottle and enjoy. It's a smooth cola. We expected it to be fairly dark with some bite, but nope. As I said it's fairly smooth and simple. It actually reminds me of the cane sugar version of RC Cola. Now there's a great cola and anything that reminds me of it is something I can get behind.
Don't worry Elvira. I forgive you. This ended up being a pretty fun party. You sure know how to liven up the room. Next time just do a bit of research before you pick a potential husband.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Pure Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 day, 4 hours ago
Sobe Lifewater Black and Blue Berry
A punch in the face: that's what I'm going to give you. You hit my brand new, 2001 Hyundai Accent and now I've got to get insurance involved...man. I just got out of the dealership. I know it's 2012, but it's new to me. Sure it's got 104,000 but that's just broken in. It's Korean and they make a quality product. So, to reiterate, I am going to make you black and blue.
No, you don't understand. I paid $800 for this car and sure it was a smoker's car and sure the transmission was a little wonky and sure it had a "Hatchet Man" vinyl graphic on the back hatch, but it was in great shape and the lady who sold it to me was so nice.
I'm sorry. Who did you say you were? You work for Sobe? Oh, your green tea is pretty sweet but a guilty pleasure of mine. Oh, that's right. You do make Lifewater. I've had some good ones of those. Black and Blue? No, I'm going to make you black and blue. Oh, you're going to give me a case of black and blue so that I don't punch your lights out. Alright, that's a fair trade. All this talking calmed me down anyway. Let's give it a go.
Well that's interesting. It's like blueberry when you sip it and when you swallow it tastes like a blackberry. That is real science there, Sobe man. There is a slight artificial sweetener taste, but it's just additional sweetness, not gross.
You know, this crash might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, I do have a pretty great kid and wife, and I've accomplished a great deal. This was going to be a field car anyhow so I guess I didn't need it. Well, don't worry about anything. We'll let our insurance take care of it. Have a nice day, Sobe man. Next time, remember to stop at stop signs.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 day, 5 hours ago
Harcos Laboratories Mana Energy Potion
The journey has been long and hard. I’ve come so far that I never thought it would end like this. Here I sit bleeding out after some lame ogres performed a sneak attack on me. I can’t believe I didn’t see those big lunks coming. Seriously they are about as graceful as drunken elephants, yet they got the drop on me. I had so much gold that I could hardly carry it. Also, my weapons were at their highest level. Now it’s all gone. I am going to die with nothing but the clothes on my back…wait a minute! I totally forgot that I had stashed a vile of the essence of Mana in my boot. I took it out of my satchel because I was afraid my abundance of gold would crush it. I really thought I was going to need this when I fought the dark wizard, but if I don’t drink it now I’m never going to make it to her lair anyways. Bottoms up. Oh my god this is horrible. I think perchance the keeper of the inn I stayed at a few nights ago switched out my Mana for some tropical flavored floor cleaner. The taste is something I would associate with a fluid that would burn on the way down, yet it is smooth. Smooth and horribly gross. It looks like I am going to die after all, and now with the taste of foolishness in my mouth. What’s this? I can feel something surging in me. My wound seems to be healing and my strength is returning. Mana may taste like garbage, but it sure is doing its job correctly. I feel better than I have in years. The energy coursing through my veins is unstoppable. Now I’m off to find those ogres and crush some skulls to get my gear and riches back.
- Website
- http://harcoslabs.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 day, 11 hours ago
- Buy Now
- Mana Energy Potion (50mL)
Dr. Brown's Diet Black Cherry
I accidentally purchased this. I just looked quick and thought it was the non-diet version. Oh well. I’m not a huge fan of black cherry sodas, nor do I like diet drinks. Give me a came sugar “regular” cherry soda any day. Oh that would be nice right now. Instead here I sit with aspartame and my friend’s darker cousin. Wow, that sounded racist.
If this wasn’t diet, I actually think I would really enjoy it. It has actual cherry juice in it, which is a rarity in the world of sodas. It starts you off with a nice sweet fruit flavor, but unfortunately the devil’s sweetener calls for a mutiny and the flavor is upset into a gross diet aftertaste. It’s still decent and I would choose this over most diet drinks. It’s also kosher, so if you’re Jewish the doctor says, “You’re welcome.”
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Aspartame
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 day, 14 hours ago
Jolly Rancher Green Apple
You may ask yourself, "Why would they make a pop in the worst flavor candy they make?" The answer to that is, "What? Do I run the company? I don't make the decisions." If I had to give you an answer, it would be that kids probably love puckering their youthful cheeks and chug this stuff down like it's the water they should be drinking because they are only eight and already are on the fast track to tooth decay.
Honestly, it tastes like a carbonated version of the candy you may or may not love but remember regardless. Your mind knows that this is terrible for you and I would like to see an adult who can look me in the face, drink this entire bottle, and tell me that they still feel good about themselves.
Drink half this bottle and call it a day because although it doesn't have all the sugar you would expect, this drink slays your taste buds and you need those for dinner. If you can't taste your spaghetti because you drank a whole bottle of Jolly Rancher pop, your mommy is going to be so sore at you.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 days, 10 hours ago
Cooper Mountain Hot 2 Go! Hot Cocoa
Martin hated skiing. Let me rephrase that. Martin hated skiing with his family. They were all terrible, which is fine and good except they always went to the same rinky dink slopes. Martin knew what he was doing and dreamed of slopes like the K12 that would provide both excitement and a challenge. Instead year after year his family would pile into the car and go to the most budget ski resort that ever existed. Actually you couldn’t even call it a resort. There was no elaborate lodge or rooms for rent. The only structure was a tiny shed that the cashier sat in that also housed a combo hot chocolate-coffee machine. You know the kind with the little paper cups. When you finish drinking your beverage you look into the bottom and there is a symbol from one of the four suits of cards. If it matches up with the one on the outside you won a free coffee or something. I don’t think anyone ever won, and if they did I doubt they ever claimed their prize.
Last year Martin’s dad had gotten into a scuffle with the machine when it ate his change. He had kicked the crap out of it until the cashier finally looked up from her copy of Vogue and asked him to stop. That was the highlight of the trip for Martin.
Here he was again at the slopes. Luckily the weather had been unseasonably warm this year, so it looked like this was going to be their only trip for the winter. Martin went down the slope three times before he accepted that it was dumb and pointless. He had a couple of quarters in his pocket, so he figured he might as well get a hot chocolate. When he entered the shack he instantly noticed that the machine was gone, and in its place was a shelf of Hot 2 Go beverages and a microwave. How could he not notice, there was nothing else in the shack. The cashier had been replaced with a vending machine of sorts. It was hard times out on the slopes. Oh well, what can you do. Martin grabbed a hot chocolate, peeled off the metal cap and threw the “cup” into the microwave for 60 seconds. When he pulled it out it was actually at a drinkable temperature, so he didn’t have to worry if he had waited long enough to not scald his tongue. It actually wasn’t bad. It tasted like the same hot chocolate as the machine dispensed, but not as watered down. It tasted more like cocoa than hot sweet water. He had gotten it just to warm him up, but he discovered that he really enjoyed it. It wasn’t enough to make the trip a pleasurable experience, but it occupied his time for the 30 seconds it took him to drink it.
- Website
- http://www.coppermtnbev.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Other/Weird
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 2 days, 10 hours ago
Neilson French Vanilla
Living in Alaska is hard work. Sure, you've got a Between The Buried And Me record named after you, but aside from that it's snow. Year in. Year out. Day in. Day out. Snow. There is a little time you can see the green grass, but it's probably muddy. You never know the pleasure of not wearing a coat or shorts unless you have irresponsible parents. One thing that you "earn" is the ability to crave ice cream. Most people have warm weather that needs cool treats to make the temperature bearable. You have cold year round, so there is no better time than now for ice cream. Honestly, you might eat ice cream to warm you up on certain days.
If you live in the frigid parts of Canada and can identify with the previously mentioned sentiments, go to your local shoppe and buy this cool milkshake. French vanilla is an ice cream that I don't really care about unless there are fun fixins on it like fudge, jimmies, and a cherry. If you like the plain vanilla then this drink is right up your alley. Look, we can't get high quality milkshakes everywhere all the time. Sometimes we need to get off our high horse, or in your case, your average sized snowmobile that is probably pretty bitchin' and drink this "everyman's" milkshake. It's thick. It's sweet. It tastes remarkably like french vanilla. It's frothy and is nice to shake and shake and shake after every sip.
Alaska might be a nice place. I might like it. Northern Canada might be a nice place. I have dealt with enough cold to not have to subject myself to more of it. I recommend people in these two places take a little vacation to somewhere with sun where they can shed their coats, pants, and extra socks. Feel the sand between your pale, white toes. Let the sun hit your hatted head.
- Website
- http://www.saputo.com
- Country
- Canada
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Milkshake
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 days, 11 hours ago
Real Soda Gardena Grape
Grape soda comes in two varieties. The more natural version and the classic generic children’s party drink. The prior is grape juice, sweetener and carbonated water. The latter is loads of sugary syrup, a flavor that doesn’t actually taste like grapes that we have accepted as a grape flavor and carbonated water. I’m no fool. I knew that a pop made by Real Soda was going to land in the fake category. I was perfectly fine with that. Fake grape is actually a soda flavor that I can really get behind. It’s not something that I would drink all of the time, but it has its place. This drink surprised me though by falling somewhere in-between the two poles. It’s definitely more fake grape than carbonated grape juice, but it actually has hints of real grape flavor and not just the garbage fake kind. Also, since it is sweetened with cane sugar instead of HFCS it’s not as thick as most grape soda. Calling it light isn’t quite right because it is still bursting with flavor. The consistency is just different. In the barbeque and kid’s party filled world of fake grape soda this is the best I have ever tried.
- Website
- http://www.realsoda.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 2 days, 13 hours ago