Doppelganger Sparkling Bitters Pear Ginger

Doppelganger Sparkling Bitters Pear Ginger

Last week was my birthday and I am now officially in my late 30s. I can no longer deny it, I am an adult. Sure I still act like a teenager tour the world in vans, ditch work to go walk around the woods and run a website where I review non-alcoholic beverages, but I am still an adult. Proof of that is that I really enjoy this drink. It is sparkling water with tonic bitters mixed in and I find it wonderful. Look, I know in every one of these companies reviews we mentioned them being for adults. Sure, kids can drink them, but I don’t know a single child who would enjoy this. I’ve given them normal seltzer water and they hate it. The bitterness in this would probably make any child hate me for life. It’s a risk I’m not willing to take. Also, I want to keep it all for myself. If pears had rinds this is what they would taste like, well with a healthy dose of ginger. Actually the pear flavor is very light, but the ginger is heavy. I want more unsweetened, sparkling beverages that are ginger flavored in my life.

Website
http://www.sparklingbitters.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 8 hours, 3 minutes ago
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Claire Baie Raspberry Lemonade

Claire Baie Raspberry Lemonade

You wake up one day and your back in your childhood. You’re old enough to do somethings on your own, but young enough that you still have to go where your parents drag you. It just so happens that where they dragged you on this return day is to the beach. You totally got sunburnt, but you don’t care because you played in the water and dug a sweet hole in the sand pretty far back, but you still hit the water table, or what you would later learn was the water table. After everyone is exhausted and had their fill you hit up a little shack restaurant nearby for hotdogs and fries. As a treat your mom totally lets you get a Slush Puppie and it is heaven to your young taste buds. You close your eyes and take a big sip of the syrupy sweet goodness that tastes vaguely like raspberries. When you open your eyes you are nowhere near the beach. You look down and you realize that you’re middle aged and your drinking something that is supposed to be raspberry lemonade, but it tastes like childhood. You forgive it for tasting more like sugar water than lemonade because for a few moments you escaped work and dug a sweet, sweet hole.

Website
http://witbeveragecompany.com/wbc-brands-jelly-belly-wbc-gi-chicago-green-river-caruso-legacy-black-
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Lemonade
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 8 hours, 31 minutes ago
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Sneakz Strawberry Milkshake

Sneakz Strawberry Milkshake

For the life of me I have no idea why they have labeled this a milkshake. It’s not thick. There is no ice cream involved. It’s really just strawberry milk…with a bunch of veggies added. To be clear they are veggies that you also cannot taste. They are hidden nicely in the mix. Also to be clear, this doesn’t taste like Strawberry Quik either. It’s a different beast that is close, but not quite the same. It really just tastes like what I imagine people thought strawberry milk tasted like before Quik was invented. Did it even exist before then though? Is this a chicken/egg or a music/misery type situation? I guess it doesn’t matter. This tastes pretty good and you’re getting some vitamins from veggies. Kids will love it.

Website
http://www.sneakz.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 day, 7 hours ago
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Goldenbrew Green Tea w/ Spearmint & LIme

Goldenbrew Green Tea w/ Spearmint & LIme

To my taste buds mint and tea generally do not mix. I know it’s a classic flavor, and I admit it’s okay with hot teas, but once they get iced I feel like I poured myself a nice glass of tea, got distracted by a phone call, or my cat throwing up, brushed my teeth, realized I had forgotten about my tea, and then drank it anyways. To me the mint never tastes like it’s part of the drink, more like it’s a foreign aspect that just happens to be in my mouth. With Goldenbrew it’s a tad better. The mint still tastes a bit detached, but it’s more like I’m chewing Doublemint gum and drinking green tea instead of having just brushed my teeth. I don’t know why that is preferable, but it definitely is. The lime is also a nice touch. So many companies rely on lemons too heavily when this superior citrus cousin is just begging to be used. It makes things a bit more interesting. You add high quality tea, and a little agave to round it out with a touch of sweetness and you have a pretty good beverage on your hands. Now if someone could just figure out how to blend in mint with tea a bit better this would be fantastic.

Website
http://www.goldenbrewtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Agave Nectar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 2 days, 15 hours ago
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Ginger Shots Kiwi Ginger

Ginger Shots Kiwi Ginger

Holy burn.

I don't know who or what this is for but man this is hot. This is like, "this is going to hurt later" type hot. This is the hot that you are worried about when you eat Buffalo [slash] hot wings and then feel that "thing" in your stomach. I think ginger is supposed to make your stomach feel better so that might not happen. There is kiwi but it's so low in the mix that you can hardly tell it's there. Like a girl that dresses up for a party that like a thousand other people go to that it's just so congested she's wildly underappreciated. It's a little fruity, don't get me wrong, but I can't really tell that it was specifically kiwi.

You know what it is, though? Hot as balls, man. If this was a review for an eBay purchase, I would say "A+. Would drink again."

Website
http://gingershots.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Energy Drink, Ginger, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 5 days, 13 hours ago
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Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Black Raspberry

Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Black Raspberry

Ahh black raspberry. The most "goth" of all the fruits. No. That's not true. Blood orange could probably win in a quiz show involving nothing but questions about Jesus and Mary Chain and Bauhaus. I guess runner up would be black raspberry followed by black cherry. Cherry is too close to "cheery" which is not the epitome of goth.

This tastes light and bubbly. We won't tell anyone about that, though. It's nice. From drinking giant bottles of Polar seltzer all the time to a nice, smaller glass of this, it's refreshing to be able to have a different flavor. It smells nice and fruity and is just a good, simple drink. Both of the Cocteau Twins would be happy to drink this and unhappy about everything else.

Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 1 day ago
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Never Too Hungover Boost

Never Too Hungover Boost

Over the years we have been sent a small handful of hangover cures. It seems like a great idea, but the problem is that neither Mike nor I drink at all. Our solution is to find a friend who is planning on getting drunk and having them drink it and relay their results to us, while we drink one and remark on the taste. Well, I’ve been somewhat of a hermit lately and I haven’t been around people drinking in a while. I’ve been sitting on this for a couple of weeks and the proper opportunity hasn’t arisen. I didn’t want to make the company feel like we are neglecting their product and after the events of yesterday I have what I assume a hangover feels like.

Yesterday I had to print shirts for about 12 hours in a room that was easily over 110 degrees. I only stopped when a friend stopped by to get me to go push around the city on skateboards. Like the idiot I am I did not drink nearly enough water and as a result I was dehydrated, which I believe is a large part of hangovers. When I woke up this morning I was achy with a throbbing head and felt a little queasy. These are all complaints I hear from people who have hangovers. I decided this was as close as I was ever going to come so I drank this bottle of Boost, which can be drank before, during or the day after drinking. It seems to be jam packed with every B vitamin ever, Potassium, Electrolytes, Milk Thistle, Green Tea Extract, Aloe Vera, and Gotu Kola.

It’s been about 45 minutes since I drank this and I do feel a bit better. I’m not sure if it’s just time or the beverage, but I’ll assume it was the drink. I also just learned that a big cause of hangovers is a toxin called acetaldehyde. Now I don’t know if I had that but I’ll just assume that this combats that quite nicely.

It has a berry taste, with a sucralose sweetness. It’s a bit intense, but it’s a shot, so that was expected. I don’t know if this was a very accurate test, but I do feel better so I’ll just say that this helps with hangovers because my word is law, right? RIGHT?

Website
http://nevertoohungover.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Other/Weird, Shot
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 5 days ago
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Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Watermelon

Four Point Zero Perfect Seltzer Watermelon

To me seltzer is seltzer, no matter what the brand. I mean it’s just carbonated water with a little flavoring in it. I now love it as an adult, but I was fine with grabbing any brand that was available. Four Point Zero has shown me that I was wrong all this time, and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to forgive them. I mean after tasting the perfection that is this seltzer, how am I supposed to go back to the cheap stuff they have at my grocery store? Those jerks.

Their greatness was proven to me when I drank this bottle of watermelon. That is a flavor that 99% of the time goes wrong and tastes like a Jolly Rancher. Even when sugar is not involved it still tastes like candy. This bottle is the new standard though. It tastes like someone squeezed the juice from the melon, watered it down slightly (but not too much), and then carbonated it. It’s all of that but with zero sugar. It’s magic I tell you. I have never tasted a more authentic watermelon beverage that wasn’t just straight juice. The bar has been set, everyone take notice.

Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 6 days ago
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Polar Mango Berry

Polar Mango Berry

Do I love mango? No. Not really. Will I say this might be the most accurate interpretation of mango? Yep. I don't know what it is about mango but whatever it is, it has been so poignantly captured within this bottle that if you like mango, you can just buy a couple bottles of this and save yourself the trouble of shaving, cutting, cubing or whatever it is you do with a mango.

I don't get a lot of berry in here but you get so much mango that you have no reason to wonder why her name came first. I didn't want to appear sexist so I made mango a "her." You like that? I'm not a misogynistic turd. Mangos can do whatever they want. If they want to make fruit love in this bottle than so be it. That makes it more disgusting for me to drink. I wish I hadn't said that. Even if it is fake.

Website
http://www.polarbev.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Sparkling, Water
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 weeks, 1 day ago
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Goldenbrew Black Tea and a Touch of Honey

Goldenbrew Black Tea and a Touch of Honey

One wouldn’t think there would be much variation between simple black teas. One would also be very wrong. Nearly every company whose black tea I have sampled has their own little twist on flavor that makes them unique. Goldenbrew uses whole tea leaves in their brewing process, and you wouldn’t think that such a small thing would make such a difference, but it really does. You can tell that higher quality ingredients are used and they are brewed with more pride. Obviously this is better than a garbage Brisk, but it also overshadows the natural lines of the “big” tea companies. It also helps that it is lightly sweetened with honey. I’m of an age where I prefer my teas to be unsweetened, but honey is a game changer. It’s not meaningless sweetness. It adds a depth and new flavor to the already wonderful tea. It’s important to note that they also don’t go overboard with the honey, which is so easy to do. It teases you with its hint of flavor, leaving you wanting more and before you know it the bottle is gone and you wish you had more. Now that is the sign of a good tea.

Website
http://www.goldenbrewtea.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Clover Honey
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 2 weeks, 2 days ago
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