Vemma Verve! Mojoe

Vemma Verve! Mojoe

Oh the mid-day slumps. On a gorgeous Friday evening after a seemingly endless winter, it's in the sixties outside and my body is craving the vitamin D that only doctor sun can prescribe my pale, pale skin. These Vemma drinks have been pretty good to us but this one is ravaging my poor body. It's fine. It's my fault. I only sparingly drink coffee or energy drinks but this one hit me really fast and really hard. Once again, I'm not counting this against them and you, as an energy drink drinker (working title) might like that instant jolt. Since I've covered half of this drink, the other half, proud residents of Coffeetown, need their fill. As a coffee drink it's oddly smooth and even though cane sugar is the primary sweetener, or at least the one towards the top of the list, that Reb A is shining through. It's not bad, but it's in there and you know it. I had to search for it in the rather long list of ingredients. I think Vemma is trying to make this healthier than "the other guys" but putting mangosteen, aloe vera, and green tea in there but what you get is an oddly smooth, pretty sweet, coffee flavored drink. Is it a lose? No. Is it a bad? No. It's just kind of "fine" because it's so much going on. Satin sheets seem like a good idea until you have to sleep in them and they keep getting kicked off you by your dumb lover, am I right? That's what this is. This drink is your idea of a sexy sheet but the realization that it's too much to handle.

Website
http://www.vemma.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 23 hours, 39 minutes ago
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Verve MoJoe Premium Coffee Energy Blend 15oz Cans (24)

Popeye's Chicken Sweet Tea

Popeye's Chicken Sweet Tea

A disastrous discovery is that Popeye's chicken is fantastic. We've had commercials for Popeye's for years but just got one where we live about two months ago and...it...is...always...packed. We have for as long as human record can recall, had Kentucky Fried Chicken. This is not a KFC versus Popeye's debate. That is reserved for a delicious dinnertime competition. This is a one-on-none competition between Popeye's sweet tea and nothing.

This drink should not join the list of "things that will or could kill me" down the list past "get stabbed in the back" which will be how I die. This is sweet tea, man. Sweet, delicious, cane sugar'd sweet tea. No jokes and not lies. It's thick but still have the remnants of the tea which is kind of surprising.

It's so dangerous that this is so close. This could be bad news. This is so good.

Website
http://popeyes.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Iced Tea
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 days, 1 hour ago
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Waialua Soda Works Lilikoi

Waialua Soda Works Lilikoi

I do not know what lilikoi is but whatever it is I bet it pairs wonderful with some Spam. I have also never been to Hawaii but Jay has so fifty percent of the Thirsty Dudes know what it's like to come off a plane and wear a lei. Do they still do that? I hope so.

This tastes like something Dog the Bounty Hunter would have secret cases of. I also mean that in the best possible way. This is slightly floral but pretty sweet. I can't place it but it kind of tastes like the sensation you get from Zotz when they start to erupt in your mouth much like Mauna Loa. It's actually good enough for me to lose track and drink the whole bottle, something that I rarely do with an entire bottle of pop by my lonesome.

Hawaii, I hope to get lost inside of you one day but not anywhere close to where Dog runs because those joints look sketchy.

Website
http://www.waialuasodaworks.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 2 days, 22 hours ago
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Cold Stone Pineapple Blueberry

Cold Stone Pineapple Blueberry

You get that itch that says, "You need something else, man. Get it." and you know what you have to do. Your body arises from it's seat which has held the weight of your body for too long and you begin walking, as if asleep out the door. You get to your destination having no recollection of how you got there and before you know it you are ordering a smoothie from the window. You shake your head to wake yourself out of the haze you are in and you wake up with a pineapple and blueberry smoothie sitting in a "leather" chair next to a "fire" inside of a fine new establishment filled with employees who want to be anywhere buy there and patrons that want to be anywhere but home. As you take your first sip you realize that everything is fine and fades away like smoke from a freshly blown out candle. This is a cold, fruity smoothie that your body craved and didn't give you the opportunity to deny. The blueberry pokes his head out more than the shy pineapple even though it would have been better the other way around. The mix itself is thick and cold and comes out almost tubular through the straw until it melts on your tongue. The seeds and grit and grime of the natural fruit add to the pleasing texture of the drink.

As you take your final sips, the outside world comes into focus and you realize that no more than fifteen minutes have passed and you are a block from work. You just needed a break from the monotony of making other people money. You earned it. Now you have to get back to work.

Website
http://https://www.coldstonecreamery.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 3 days, 23 hours ago
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Swamp Pop Satsuma Fizz

Swamp Pop Satsuma Fizz

Even the dastardly scientists at Swamp Pop couldn't save this orange pop. It is, and will forever be, an untamable beast. The "junkyard dog" of flavors, orange pop will always be just orange pop. It's fine. They didn't do a bad job and it's cleaner and less syrupy than a lot of the other orange pops I've had but at the end of the day, if a hot dog isn't in my hand and sunglasses on my head, it's not time for orange pop. Sure, it's not limited to backyard hootenannys but regardless of the case, I'm left with a bottle or can of the same, half full container of the same-ish orange liquid. Sorry everyone and especially sorry to Swamp Pop who had until this point, earned near perfect marks. This is your "C" to keep you humble.

Website
http://drinkswamppop.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 4 days, 23 hours ago
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Compal Fresh Apple

Compal Fresh Apple

Apple juice. It's apple juice. It's good, too. It's good apple juice. What I'm drinking is good apple juice. No sugar. All apples. Just apple juice.

Website
http://www.compal.pt/
Country
Portugal
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Juice
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 1 day ago
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Coco Libre Organic Coconut Water

Coco Libre Organic Coconut Water

I certainly do not know how they do it. Coco Libre has produced one of the freshest tasting prepackaged coconut water I have ever had the pleasure of drinking, and it’s made from concentrate. How is it possible that I have had dozens of different brands of this same product that are just straight up coconut water, and they don’t taste nearly as good/fresh as this. There is nothing added here, it’s just reconstituted (is that the right word?) coconut water. I have become a big fan of this, and will happily drink the case of it that I ganked from the “green room” of a show I worked the other day. I’ve come a long way from despising everything coconut to happily drinking bottle after bottle of this stuff.

Website
http://www.cocolibreorganic.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Categories
Coconut
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 1 day ago
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CoCo Libre Organic Coconut Water, 11-Ounce (Pack of 12)

Aloha Maid Natural Guava

Aloha Maid Natural Guava

I don't think I've ever eaten a guava, like a real guava off a tree. Why would I see one of those as they are not indigenous to Buffalo? Sure I could have taken a trip somewhere but I've only been "out West" once and they most certainly don't have Guava in Las Vegas. Do they have them in Florida? I'm going there next month. Maybe I'll make it my task to find one. I don't have anything else to do. When I get it, I'll try and compare it to a drink that I would have drank a month ago at that point. What does it taste like now? Well friend, I'll tell you.

As far as nectars go, this is not the way I like it. I like my nectars with some grip in there. That's right. I like a nice, sandy juice. It just lets me know that things are happening. Grit aside, this is a good juice. It doesn't taste too sweet and is basically just water, sugar and guava so why would it. No fake sweeteners or additives. Just good, old fashioned fruit juice. Give this to your kids. Don't accept any substitutes; only the finest for your little brat.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Juice
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 2 days ago
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Aloha Maid Maid Drink Guava, 11.5-ounces (Pack of 24)

B'more Organic Skyr Smoothie Mango Banana

B'more Organic Skyr Smoothie Mango Banana

Bananas. Jay and I abhor bananas. We cannot let it sway our vote but if we could it would be more 1's like you would find in a single's speed dating convention. Because we are professionals we cannot judge based on our hatred for the fruit. Let it be known, though, for the record, we hate bananas. Now off to the races and off to the review.

This will not stop being tangy. It's sharp and tangy. I suppose you'll get that with a yogurt smoothie drink. Yogurt is not really tangy but remember the first time you had Greek yogurt and you were like, "Man, did I just drink mini razors? This is sharp." and then you eat more of it and you say, "Oh, that's not too bad. Maybe I do like Greek yogurt." This is like that first taste of Greek yogurt again and again. It's a bit distracting if I can be honest which is what you're paying me for. The fruit flavor is shared pretty evenly. Good mango taste and, if you like banana, this tastes like bananas. You know what else? It tastes like someone crushed up Smarties and spiked this drink. Maybe that's where the tang and/or zip is coming from.

We've had a lot of fun here today, haven't we? We've learned about the cons of speed dating, how I hate bananas, and the review which you came to read. You know what? I'll expect my check in the mail.

Website
http://bmoreorganic.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Smoothie
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman 1 week, 2 days ago
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B More Organics Protein Mango Banana Smoothie, 16 Ounce -- 6 per case.

Sparkling Ice Pink Grapefruit

Sparkling Ice Pink Grapefruit

“Like an ice cube made of glitter.” Feel free to use that as a tagline, Sparkling Ice. Yes, I know that it’s terrible, but that is the first thing that pops in my head when I hear your companies name. Secondarily I think about people wearing oversized diamond encrusted jewelry that is neither tasteful, nor classy. Which would you rather be associated with? That’s what I thought. Glitter cubes it is!

First you take some spring water and generously infuse it with carbon dioxide to make some nice bubbles. The result is carbonated water that is bland and boring and has that weird taste that I don’t really comprehend. To mask that you add some grapefruit juice concentrate. This is the moment that I believe you should stop. It would be on the sour side of the street, but that’s something that I would enjoy. I understand that this just wouldn’t fly with most Americans though; they need some sort of sweetener added. The folks at Glitter Cubes decided to go the zero calorie route and added sucralose to the mixture. Normally the downfall of any drink that contains it, the sucralose isn’t absolutely horrible in here. I’d go as far as to say that I don’t really mind it, which is a miracle on it’s own. Somehow the grapefruit flavor combats the chemical taste, and it’s only briefly noticeable in the aftertaste. The fruit flavor is still intake, although not as strong and as bitter as it would be in its natural form.

This is far from the best thing I’ve ever drunk, but it is a nice option to have for those watching their sugar intake. I do think it’s safe to say that Glitter Cubes are not the wave of the future. Possibly just a little swell of the now.

Website
http://www.sparklingice.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Sparkling, Water
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 3 days ago
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Sparkling ICE Spring Water, Pink Grapefruit, 17-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12)
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