Coconut (37 reviews)
Coco Rico Coconut
Jeremy, do you have coconuts for sale? You do? How much are they? Oh that's way too much. Do you have dent and scratch coconuts? You do? Is there anything wrong with them? They're old? Hmm. How old is old? Oh, that is old. You know what? If they smell fine, I'll take them. Can I get a discount since they're old? Awesome. Alright, I'll take a couple cases. What am I doing with them? Making pop. Yeah, coconut pop. I figure I'm one of the only ones I can have a nice corner of the market. Yes, I'm sure that better quality coconuts would make a better product. Sweetener? Corn syrup. Look, I've got to conserve money. This economy is garbage. Corn syrup and old coconuts is what my company will start with and as soon as things get better, we'll upgrade to better things.
I have made a sample batch, yes. It tastes a little thick and a little like coconut. The sweetener is a bit off, if I can be honest. I'm hoping people get hooked so when we pull the switch on cane sugar, it's a significant improvement. It's nice to have a constantly improving company and that's why I'm sacrificing quality initially.
Jeremy, thanks. I appreciate your help. I have written you a check for sixteen dollars for eighteen cases of old and damaged coconuts. I will send you some samples when I get them finished up. You don't want any? Alright dude, your loss.
- Website
- http://www.goodo.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 1 day ago
Pitaya + Pitaya + Lemon + Coconut Water
In a cave four hundred feet below the ocean, there are aliens. You thought they came from outer space. You orbit-dummy. They brought Pitaya, a space fruit, to Earth because their soil couldn't handle it. Their plants grow down due to strange gravity so the aliens planted them in the ceiling of their cave. Problem is, here plants grow up so they planted all these strange fruits that they just assumed weren't growing but, in fact, were growing up and actually breaking through the earth in some places and humans discovered them. These strange fruits were harvested right as "The Great Coconut Water Craze" of 2010 happened so they naturally were mixed in with that. Someone took a sip and said that it needed a little something else and threw in a lemon and called it a day.
The aliens, disguised as insurance brokers went to the company that had "stolen" all their fruit for a profit and decided to see what their hard work had turned into on this planet. They discovered that it wasn't half bad. The dragonfruit was a nice compliment to the coconut water that was typically chalky. The lemon was a strange touch that actually was some of the most sincere lemon flavor. Almost like if you made homemade lemonade with real lemons and put that in there without the sugar because this isn't terribly sweet.
The aliens, upset that they had been plating all their stuff only to be used and modified by dumb humans decided that they would go to Mars because they heard through the television that Mars makes candy bars and everyone knows that aliens love chocolate.
- Website
- http://pitayaplus.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 weeks, 2 days ago
O.N.E. Active Grape Berry
It’s Groundhog Day. You’ve run into Ned Ryerson more times than you can even remember. The same goes for that ungrateful brat who keeps falling out of the tree. The perpetual winter has got you down, so very down. You’ve learned piano like a pro. You’ve creepily stalked the girl you like to find out every last detail about her, in order to finally win her over. You’ve done everything you could think of, but you’re still in a rut. You blame the constant grey skies that plague your eternal life. To try to combat this you start taking vitamins and working out. It actually works. You start to feel better about yourself and life in general. You’re beginning to have a more positive out look because you’re no longer a lazy slob. It feels great to be in good shape. The only problem is that you get so darn thirsty when you work out and the water in this town just doesn’t cut it. You read that coconut water is good for replenishing electrolytes. The local health store only carries one brand and one flavor. Oddly enough it’s called O.N.E. The flavor that you are stuck forever is grape berry. At first you don’t really like it. It has a strange harshness to it that is not quite the same harshness as grape juice. The more you drink the more you become accustomed to it. You realize that it tastes like watered down grape juice with a tinge of berry thrown in. It shouldn’t be good at all, but it is and it’s refreshing. After a couple of sips you no longer even notice the flavor of the coconut water. All you taste is watered down grape juice with a slight stevia aftertaste. It’s not great, but it will do the job. It’s too bad that you’ll never be able to get the shop to order other flavors for you because the day of their arrival will never come.
If you would like one of the greatest comedic movies of our time to be turned into a tragedy for you read this article. The folks at What Culture use science to determine that Bill Murray’s character was stuck in the same day for 33 years and 358 days. As we learn in the movie he has tried to kill himself several times. Who could blame him?
- Website
- http://www.onedrinks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Stevia Leaf Extract
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 2 weeks, 6 days ago
Sobe Lifewater Mango Mandarin With Coconut Water
Wow, this drink has one of the strongest scents I've ever experienced in a beverage. It smells like two people were making a fruit salad and they sliced into a mango and mandarin orange simultaneously. It's quite a smell to be smelled. I wish the taste were as strong and specific as the smell. There is little if any coconut water flavor in this. The only trace of it is in the aftertaste. The mango and mandarin flavors blend together into a new tropical citrus fruit. If I drank this blind I don't know if I would guess either of those fruits were in it, but knowing they are I can spot them. I like this a lot. If you're into Vitamin Water, but would like to mix things up a bit this would be the drink to do it with. It's evolution baby!
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 3 weeks, 1 day ago
Phenom Mega V Pineapple Punch
Imagine spending your entire life hating coconuts and everything they flavor. For years your hatred rose to a point where if anything had even trace amounts of the fruit you wouldn’t taste it for all the pineapples in Hawaii. I lived those dark days. It got to the point where I couldn’t even see the humor in a coconut carved to look like a monkey. Then one day everything changed. You see I wasn’t alone in my anti-coconut crusade. All three of us here at Thirsty Dudes had the same aversion. It was an unspoken bond that we would put off reviewing coconut waters for as long as we could, and with so many beverages in the world that could be a long, long time. One day a package showed up. It was full of dozens of cartons of coconut water. Even though our hatred ran strong, our duty to the website was stronger. We each took a handful of the drinks and went to our respective homes to taste the foulness in peace. I don’t know about the others, but I can say that the one I drank was better than I expected, but not something I actually enjoyed. By that I mean that I was able to drink the entire bottle without wanting to throw up. We each posted reviews and we thought we were done with it. Then a magical comment appeared on one of our reviews. It instructed us that we should make sure that we drank coconut water ice cold. I thought what the hell and I gave it a try. I can’t explain what a difference a few dozen degrees makes. A drink that was chalky and gross suddenly became refreshing and flavorful. I began to truly enjoy coconut water.
All of that took place about a year ago. Oh how things change. Here I sit in my home and within twelve hours of procuring this carton of coconut water I’m leaning back and enjoying it. The flavor is called “Pineapple Punch,” but since it’s pineapple and coconut it really is just a pina colada. Who would have thought that I would ever like drinking pina colada? If you had handed me one in the past it would have gone directly down the drain. Now I’m sipping it from a carton, like my computer room was some kind of paradise. It tastes mostly like normal coconut water with just a hint of pineapple mixed in. Our citrus friend is kept in check, so the drink remains nice and smooth. As an added bonus vitamins from GNC added to it. I don’t notice them in the flavor or texture, so that is a good thing.
Now that you are done imaging a world where you hate coconuts take a moment to imagine a world where everyone abbreviates everything and “phenom” is used as an adjective constantly. That would be a frightening place to live.
- Website
- http://www.phenomwater.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Reb A
- Categories
- Coconut
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 1/24/2012
Acai Roots Organic Acai Juice + Coconut Water
I hope you really enjoy this week’s date night. You know how we’ve been talking about making each date night theme oriented? Well I decided to put that into action. At first I thought about having it French night, but that just seemed too obvious. I thought and thought on it, and well…. Welcome to Brazil honey!
To start things off we’ll be going downtown to the east side in order to try and authentically recreate the atmosphere of the favelas of Rio De Janeiro. We may have to get a later start than usual to make sure it’s already completely dark out for things to feel right. I mean what would a Brazilian date night be without getting harassed and potentially robbed at knifepoint?
I know what you’re thinking, where are we going to get authentic Brazilian food here in Buffalo, NY? Don’t you worry I found this guy who will let us come to his house and he will cook us up some nice feijoada. He said he has 12 roommates along with 23 cats and 14 dogs, but hey the more the merrier! Oh yes, feijoada is a stew of pork, sausage and smoked meat cooked with black beans and garlic, garnished with slices of orange. I know you don’t eat meat, but I figured you could make an exception in order to make date night authentic.
After dinner, assuming that we haven’t been mugged and stabbed with a makeshift knife, we will catch a nice game of soccer. It will be pretty late at that point, so I found a DVD of a game from about 10 years ago. The nice fellow who will be cooking for us said we could watch it in his room. Only four other people share the room, so it should be nice and cozy. He just said to make sure the DVD is the right region. I don’t know what that means, but we’ll figure it out.
Oh, oh I forgot to mention that I scored a bottle of the traditional Brazilian drink acai juice mixed with coconut water. It’s a match made in heaven. The negative aspects of each drink neutralize each other. It’s like it’s an acai juice that isn’t harsh and is a little chalky tasting. It doesn’t really taste like coconut water at all, well minus the slight chalkiness. I know how much you like acai juice, but can only drink a tiny glass of it. This way you can chug a nice 16 ounce glass with no issues at all.
So, what do you think? Is this going to be the best date night ever or what? What do you mean you’re breaking up with me. I put so much effort into this. How could you say that it sounds like a night from hell? This is authentic Brazil here! For Brazil night you want it to be all beaches and Carnival? Well it looks like we have different versions of a good time. Hey come back here when I’m talking to you, and bring back my juice!
- Website
- http://www.acairoots.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 1/16/2012
O.N.E. Active Cranberry Grapefruit
It's an important day. You need to be at the top of your game. You need a drink that will not only refresh you but also boost your focus, energy and stamina. There is going to be a lot of battling going on and there is a good chance things could get brutal. Lucky for you that O.N.E. has released an active line of their coconut water. It's fruity, sweet and tastes decent. You know you have a decent drink on your hand when you drink have a carton, and then you are shocked to discover that it is sweetened with stevia. Now that I know I can taste it, but I never would have guessed before I read it. Cranberry and grapefruit make a great team. Other companies should really pick them for their hypothetical touch football teams.
Now I know what you're thinking; how did the big day pan out? More importantly, what did the big day entail? Well I will tell you, the big day was going with my friend so that he could go to adopt a cat. Seems dumb right? Why would anyone need any of the skills I mentioned just to go to a car adoption center? The answer is that I have a problem with cats. I fall in love with every cat that I see and I want to bring them all home and live in a house with a million cats that will follow me around everywhere. Yes I am crazy, but I also understand the disgusting aspect of that. I don't want to smell like a million cats. We went in, hung out with a bunch of cats. I fell in love at every turn. Specifically a huge fat cat named Pauly took a firm grip of my heart. I was inches from adopting him. The lady even tried to give him to me for free. He is eight years old and has a deviated septum so he makes the worlds most hilarious noises. I stood strong though and remembered how needy my cat Manny is and how she would hate me if she had to compete for my attention more. I sadly left Pauly and about 40 other cats behind. My friend, he got an adorable little kitty with a mustache that is now named Natas (so very nearly called Patricia Aracat).
Thank you O.N.E. for helping me keep my head, and therefore keep my household down to two humans and two felines.
- Website
- http://www.onedrinks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Stevia Leaf Extract
- Categories
- Coconut
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 1/2/2012
La Croix Sparkling Water Coconut
Hey seltzer heads! Yeah, you guys! I've got something for you. It's in the trunk of my car. Yeah, it is legal. Just because a man has a pallet filled with a random assortment of drinks in the back of his windowless van doesn't mean they fell off a truck or anything. Maybe a man just likes to spread the word about sparkling drinks once in a while. Who I am is not of any importance to you, ma'am. My license places? They fell off the van so don't worry about it.
Coconut? Yeah, I've got it. It's right here. Made by a company called La Croix. I guess they are some fancy French company or something. Michigan? Well, ma'am, sorry about shutting you up earlier. Yeah, I guess these guys here are from America. I thought we hated the French. Taste? Oh, now you all want free samples? One can. One can between the...twenty-one...twenty-two...twenty-three of you. Here. One can. No more. Good right? Coconut-y, right? Unsweetened, right? Yes? Right? How many pallets can I put you down for? One? I drove all the way out here from None Of Your Business-burg for one pallet? Fair enough. You've got me. That will be $674.99. Yeah, and ninety-nine cents. I've got to make ends meet too, lady.
- Website
- http://www.lacroixwater.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 1/2/2012
Sobe Lifewater Pomegranate Nectarine
Pomegranates: +1
Nectarines: -1
Coconut Water: 0
Total Score: 0
Regardless of the rather neutral score, I was somewhat enthusiastic to try it. Maybe it's because I don't ingest a lot of nectarine flavored drinks. I don't like to eat oranges, but I enjoy the orange flavor. I sped drank think before the coconut water took over. You know, the inherent chalkiness that comes with a coconut drink. You get a flavor, and it's fruity, but I personally couldn't distinguish between pomegranate and nectarine.
If I had to make a list of coconut drinks for people who don't like coconut drinks, this would be one on the list.
- Website
- http://www.sobe.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 12/15/2011
- Buy Now
- Name Your Link
So Delicious Coconut Milk Nog
Ever since I went vegan and no longer could drink eggnog, I have been searching for a good vegan substitute. I have finally found it! This is seriously better than I remember regular eggnog being. The coconut milk makes this drink so creamy and thick. And it has the perfect amount of nutmeg. My holiday season just got so much better!
- Website
- http://www.turtlemountain.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Dried Cane Syrup
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Derek Neuland on 11/10/2011
- Comments
- 3 Comments. Leave a comment.