Mike Literman (1156 reviews)
Starbucks Iced Coffee Coffee + Milk
Coffee fans in the unreachable corners of the world rejoice! Now you can turn up your nose at the rest of the world like regular, fancy, city folk in the privacy of your own home. Go ahead. Grab all your computers and books and put them in one room and pretend to work while you sip your coffee and milk Starbucks iced coffee just like if you were in a real Starbucks. Listen to the latest Vampire Weekend out of your laptop speakers too loud while you blog about the people around you and how "lame" they are. While you drink this nicely sweetened, nicely flavored coffee drink, you can pretend you can close your eyes and imagine that you've got something better to do that what you're doing right now. You drink this cafe quality drink and shake your head at all your relatives that come in the door because what they are wearing is so last season.
As soon as the bottle is done, you can take one more coffee scented sigh and return to the life that you were living before that bottle of downtown life came into your possession. Maybe next time the boat drops off supplied to your tiny village they will have another case of them to fight over. In the mean time there is no shortage of coconuts and playing cards. Have fun.
- Website
- http://www.starbucks.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Coffee
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 14 hours, 53 minutes ago
- Comments
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Everfresh Premier Fuji Apple
If you ask any of us what the hardest thing to review is, we would pretty quickly and without question say "apple juice." I've had good apple juice and bad apple juice but it's all within a fraction of a point. We aim to drink it all but nonetheless; it doesn't make judging it any easier or harder.
I'm no apple connoisseur by any means but I've drunk like twenty different apple juices and they all taste very close to each other. Look, they're all great but, and I'm generalizing here, they're all just apple juice. I'm sorry to those that have really put a lot of effort into creating an organic apple juice but your apple juice is just as good as the guy that is filling his to the brim with good old fashioned arsenic and pig feet.
This tastes like apples. Congratulations. What more do you want from me?
- Website
- http://www.everfreshjuice.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 day, 17 hours ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Sneaky Pete's Naturally Oatstanding Raspberry Beret
Remember when you asked for that drink that was made from oats that has a real 80's Prince vibe? Well also remember when I said that they'd never make it? Well I was wrong. They made it and they made it well. Sure, the entire song I was singing, both aloud and in my head is the titular track of the drink. That made it go down smoother but without it wouldn't have penalized too much.
This was good. I was leery because, well...oats. It's really hard for me to spell "oats" without putting an "e" in there in an homage to my favorite moustached man from a similar time period. Oh, if this drink were called "Sneaky Pete's Raspberry Beret Oatestanding Beverage" it would probably make me comatose with excitement.
Back to the drink and out of my dreams. It tasted like raspberry had a little bit of a thickness to it but not offensive, just thicker than, say, a water. Even though it was sweetened with Erythritol, you don't really get that. I thought it was cane sugar until I looked, actually.
Raspberry Maneater. I'm leaving you with that. Erotic One On One. Bonus.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Erythritol
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 4 days, 14 hours ago
- Comments
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Grins Naturally Flavored Water Grape
'Tis a rainy day in the "City of Good Neighbors." All neighbors in this fine city are opening their doors and letting the tired and wet in their living rooms. Homes across the city are filled with the memories of wet strangers and not-so-coincidentally, stories of why said wet strangers were allowed to come into their homes.
Although it was raining regular rain, in one section of the world it rains grape rain. Yes it is sticky and yes it smells good but even something that smells good can get old very fast. The stickiness gets old as soon as you get the first drop on you. Stickiness always sucks. Anyhow in the section where it always rains, a company called "Grins" did what they always do when it rains; they lay out square miles of open bottles and fill up all the bottled and then one at a time, screw the tops on and fill up a truck.
When the bottles come in they are washed off and then off to the markets. Even in the wettest of weathers, we in West Coast, NY will still drink water. Flavored, sparkling, or still. This is great because it's light, has a nice candy grape taste, and isn't too sweet. It really goes down smooth and it's in a small bottle so you don't get carried away and drink a gallon of it, which I don't doubt I could drink.
Stay wet Buffalo. Internally and externally. It will help you grow.
- Website
- http://www.grinsbev.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Crystalline Fructose
- Categories
- Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 5 days, 15 hours ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Gamma Labs G Fuel Blue Ice
You know I'm feening for some blue ice. I've got to go to the gym and daddy needs a little extra juice. I'm working on my deltoids or "delts" as I like to call them, and can't do it without a little extra "help" if you know what I mean. You know...the blue stuff? Yeah, it tastes like really sweet blue raspberry Kool Ade but there is stuff in there, man. Whatever is in there gets me going and allows me to pump more iron than I could if I was going in on just regular energy.
Diet? No, man. I carboload. I eat three plates of spaghetti a day. Fat? No, man. This is all muscle. Four hundred and twenty three pounds of muscle. Oh, you are asking if it tastes diet. No. Not really. It's surprising because of the sucralose but no, it's not really diet tasting.
I'm a self described gym rat and they know me. They know me coming in, pounding protein shakes, and eating spaghetti out of a Tupperware container to keep my delicate shape in check. I'm sorry. I have to cut this interview short. I've got some ten pound free weights in my sights that I am going to lift to a light burn and then have some ravioli that I have stashed behind the spinning bikes.
- Website
- http://www.gammalabs.net/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Categories
- Drink Mix/Concentrate, Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 5 days, 20 hours ago
- Comments
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Sneakz Chocolate
Oh Bandit, you rascally fox. You are always trying to deceive kids by sneaking vegetables into places they don't belong. Those dumb kids. They will never suspect that there are vegetables inside their chocolate milk. That is, unless they are dumber than you think because it is quite apparent that something wrong is going on inside this juice box. Bandit, you have lost your touch with this one. You might be saving kids elsewhere in things like food but with this drink it is as if you are robbing a bank with no gun, mask, or charisma.
This drink for a split second tastes like a chocolate milk. One split second is all you get. Quickly your temporarily pleased palate is washed over clearly by some sort of tomfoolery. I cannot pinpoint it but it's between vegetable lies and protein drinky. Both of the latter being enemies of children.
Bandit, I don't want you to get in trouble with your boss Sneakz but I've got to fill out "sucks" on the comment card they gave me for you ability to deceive children with hiding goods inside of the bads. Better luck next time little fox. Now come over here and let me pet your little head. I've always wanted to pet a fox.
- Website
- http://www.sneakz.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Evaporated Cane Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 6 days, 16 hours ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Herbal Mist Tea made with Yerba Mate Green Tea with Honey
On this day, National Iced Tea day, I did intend on drinking only iced tea but promptly screwed that up. Who cares, right? It's just one day a year. I'm getting my iced tea in. You should be celebrating it stronger than us because we drink more than you. We don't like to drink old things and it is often hard to find new, specific drinks. Believe it or not, I only had this one iced tea at the office. Please allow me to review said drink now.
This is good. It's got a nice green tea taste and is substantially less sweet than Arizona although the taste is pretty close. I feel that they really hit the nail on the head with the quantity of honey because you can really taste it. I am no mathemagician but I can tell you it's about 50/50 sugar/honey up in hrrrrrrrr and I like it.
Now that you can add one more tea to your repertoire, find it and drink it. According to the Eastern time zone, you've got less than ten hours to celebrate!
- Website
- http://herbalmist.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 2 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Dunkin' Donuts Coolatta Hot Chocolate
On iced tea day, I intended on only drinking iced tea. That is until I saw a commercial for cold hot chocolate and had to switch things up a little bit. I'll get to you tea but as it is, I drink more iced tea per week than an entire family.
I went to Dunkin' Donuts and humiliatingly ordered "Midgees" which I guess was the old name for "Munchkins" and I think the cashier picked on me but I can't be sure so I have to let them get away with it. Then they didn't have anything but glazed ones anyhow so it really didn't matter what I called them. Nothing but problems with that place. Then I got this drink and I was ready to go.
Now this drink is simple, right? It's hot chocolate but cold. They "Icee" it up a little bit using their super crushed Coolata ice. I don't know how they do it but it's nice. It's nice for a limited time and then it just turns into a regular, flat drink. I drank about half this as something special and then the second half, as far as I am concerned, was just chocolate milk. As you can see in the picture, they just have chocolate syrup in there anyhow. It's not like they invented anything here. They just made something hot cold and blended it in a machine that they use to make other things in.
Sure, it's good. Sure I would get another. It's hardly breaking down any barriers. I know they're not trying to do that and I'm not trying to judge them too harshly. I don't know what I would do to improve that aside from things on my part. Number one would be to get a smaller drink so that I can enjoy it as it was intended in its entirety. Second would be to drink it faster and not care about the inevitable impending brain freeze or actually enjoying the drink. I think that the first option is the better one. Smaller. I didn't need all that I got anyhow. I think I ordered a small but they might have given me a medium. Maybe I got a medium. They probably just proved me right and just got my order wrong again.
- Website
- http://www.dunkindonuts.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Milk
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 2 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Jones Turkey and Gravy
Ahh, a bottle of vintage. I'll never forget those days, going to the grandparent's farmhouse during the hot summer months. Working with grandpa bailing hay, cutting dozens of acres of lawn, milking cows, and putting shoes on horses. The later was for fun. It wasn't actual horseshoes. It was my sister's shoes that she brought in case there was some sort of ho down at the town square that she needed to get all gussied up for. Imagine a pony wearing mid-sized heels. It's a treat to see. After a nice, moderate ten hour work day with pappy, he and I would go inside and talk about things like Bill Clinton, Atari, segregation in schools, apples, and the like. We would discuss these topical issues over a nice bowl of turkey caramels until it was time to go to sleep. Ahh those caramels. Nothing is quite as refreshing as sugar free turkey caramels. It just hits the spot after you have a nice turkey dinner with mashed potatoes and peas. You know how awful it is to eat a meal and then wash it down with something that doesn't taste like what you just ate. Oh, I hate it. If I just ate a hamburger, I wish there were some sort of hamburger ice cream that I could eat to keep my palate just where it was.
Pappy, if you're reading this, I don't miss those days and although my friends say that I was missing my youth, I thought that there is only one way to have such course, calloused hands and strong work ethic at ten. Those kids that were spending their youth playing football, having sleepovers, listening to pop music; those kids are soft. We, you and I, we are strong independent men who can take care of ourselves with the lay of the land. Animals? I'll milk 'em all of the day. We're men, pappy. All because of our talks and those delicious salty turkey caramel filled nights.
- Website
- http://www.jonessoda.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Categories
- Other/Weird, Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 3 days ago
- Comments
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Motto Sparkling Matcha Tea Original
First of all, good one Motto. You got me. I knew this was sparkling and I saw some stuff at the bottom. Let's call it "sludge" for the sake of conversation. I turned the bottle upside down and moved it around and that sludge wasn't going anywhere. I looked at the bottle and it said, "Please shake well and open carefully" so I did. I don't know how carefully you can open a pop top bottle but as expected, it fizzed up over the top. I let that guy do his business in the sink. I'm no dumb idiot. I'm not getting all sticky and green teaful. That's for the birds.
After that debacle, I drank it. First sip I was turned off. Second sip through the end kept pulling me in. I "got" it. It's a lightly sweetened, super bitter Matcha tea. It tastes like a really bitter green tea if you've never had matcha before. It has vinegar in it, which seems odd, and you could taste it but it wasn't offensive. I don't really know what that guy was doing in there but he's in there, doing his thing. This drink was sweetened with honey, which achieves such high marks in my book. I'm going to say that to all Thirsty Dudes, something sweetened with honey gets a big thumbs up. The sparkling just makes the drink a little different and might actually cut the flavor down a little bit. Between everything going on in this bottle, the reprieve is nice.
I hope they come out with some different flavors. Maybe different strands of tea or some fruit tea? I'm giving you some gold here, Motto. Use it.
- Website
- http://www.drinkmotto.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Honey
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 5 days ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment