Juice (414 reviews)
Pitaya + Pitaya + Mango
Thousands of years ago Central America was the home to many a dragon. That’s right, dragons lived in Central America and not in Europe or England like the stories would have you believe. Dragons like heat, so why would they hang out in cold Euroland? In fact they like heat so much that they made their nests inside of volcanoes in an already tropical climate. Their eggs had to actually be at 800 degrees in order to come to gestation and hatch. That is the source of the downfall of the dragon. You see dragons may have been tough with basically impenetrable scales that allowed them to torment the close villages, but they had a screwy internal clock that caused them only to live for four years. They could get a bachelors degree and then they bit the dust. Luckily newborn dragons matured in only a couple of weeks. One day all of the volcanoes dried up and became inactive. The heat level dropped, the eggs went unhatched and the legendary beasts became extinct.
Here we are in 2012 and the volcanoes are still inactive, and dragons are nowhere to be seen. Their legacy lives on though through the magical fruit Pitaya, or dragonfruit as it is commonly known. Something happened with the unhatched dragon eggs that caused this fruit to see the light of day. It grows on the mountainsides of the still dormant volcanoes and is full of antioxidants and fiber. Seriously this fruit is beyond healthy. The antioxidants in one bottle of this are equal to that of 100 blueberries. It’s not messing around.
It has a slightly chalky texture to it that I would assume is due to the high fiber content. The flavor is great though. The dragonfruit tastes kind of like a mix between an apple and a kiwi, but very mild, just sweet and inoffensive. There is mango puree and pineapple juice in this as well, but neither overpowers the taste. I would have never guessed there was pineapple in it, until I read it, and then I could detect it slightly. The mango flavor is more present, but it blends in well with the dragonfruit to create a nice smooth tropical flavor. I think this could also work well as a palate cleanser. I say thank you dragons for creating this fruit for us. I just hope those volcanoes don’t ever erupt again causing the eggs to finally hatch. That would be a good time for no one down in Central America.
- Website
- http://pitayaplus.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 day, 7 hours ago
Tum-E Yummies Orange
Having a kid, I am at the forefront on whether or not to use "baby talk." I can safely say that in the one single year of my son's life, I have never used baby talk or have I wanted to. Just reading the title of this drink aloud to him would null and void my streak. I understand that this is a drink for kids, but this is a phrase for babies. The only thing that could make the title of this drink any worse would be to change the "Y" in "yummies" to an "N." I can't even bring myself to type that out. Awful. Simply terrible.
Name aside, who doesn't love a nice, sweet orange drink? There is no edge, as I was expecting in this drink. It's smooth, which is strange. It's not creamy, which would be insanely disgusting. It just goes down well and doesn't choke you up. At first I thought that it was a bit Freez-e-pop-esque but I take that back. It did not taste at all like a real orange, and thinking it would is crazy. It tastes like candy orange and that is fine with me. I might prefer that to authentic orange unless it's orange juice. Let oranges do what they're good at and if you're not going to use real oranges, make something the same color that vaguely at best tastes like it. Hey, it worked for grapes.
Now I kind of want a grape version of this to see if it would solidify my point. I reckon it would.
- Website
- http://www.tumeyummies.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 days, 6 hours ago
Nobel Blood Orange Juice
Remember when David Bowie proclaimed, “This isn’t orange juice, this is genocide”? Yeah, that was weird. I now understand that he was talking about. He was referring to the slaying of thousands of blood oranges to get to their tart, tart hemoglobin. I normally think that the senseless murder of anything is an atrocity beyond explanation, but with one sip of this and you’ll be right up front with a juicer of your own. Blood oranges are far superior to your everyday oranges and Nobel is leading the crusade with this juice. I normally wouldn’t say this, but I really wish they had added a little bit of sugar to this. Just a pinch would have made a world of a difference. As it is I really like it, but every time I take a sip I can’t help but make that “I just put 25 sour Warheads in my mouth at the same time face to win a bet” face. Man is it ever tart.
- Website
- http://noblecitrus.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 3 days, 7 hours ago
Ichitan Double Drink Butterfly Pea + Berry
I’m glad I cornered you here in this elevator. I bet if we weren’t both professionals this would seem really creepy. You know, a guy chasing another guy from the parking lot into a building, and then just narrowly making it into the elevator before the doors closed. If this was a movie I bet I would kill you shortly. Oh don’t worry, this isn’t a movie and I’m not going to kill you. Or am I? No I’m just joshin’ ya.
The reason I wanted to talk to you was because I have a great idea for an episode of your show. No, no please let me finish before you say a word. Okay I know you go into a lot more technical stuff on the show, but I have an idea to do a show about a drink. A specific drink at that: Ichitan’s Double Drink. I know you’ve heard of it because it’s one of the most popular drinks in Taiwan and I know you’re a worldly man. Here’s the breakdown. First you take some nice pale dry ginger ale and shake the crap out of it for a good twenty minutes. Then you open it over a barrel and let the now uncarbonated soda pour in. Secondly, you take a container of plain aloe juice and filter out all of the chunks. The liquid gets poured into the barrel, and I don’t care what you do with the chunks. Maybe play pranks with them. Finally you take the contents that are in the barrel and add a buttload of electrolytes so that it has that specific aftertaste that the Rain line of Gatorade has. Shake it all up and put in a bottle to be sold. It’s delicious I tell you. I know they throw some berries on the label, but that’s just for show.
Oh, I don’t work for the company. I just love the drink, and this is how I’ve recreated it at home. Wait….what? You don’t work for How Stuff Works? You’re actually just a janitor? Well why did you let me waste my time you jerk. I’m getting you fired and possibly arrested for impersonating an executive. Prepare to meet your cell you worthless liar!
- Website
- http://www.ichitandrink.com
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 5 days, 9 hours ago
Vavel Blackcurrent
You know it was really nice meeting you, Sam. You know what? I will go home with you. Let's get in this cab and head back to your place. Oh...you live here? This is a rough part of town, isn't it? Well, I feel safe with you so let's just get inside quickly because that guy over there across the street has shifty eyes like in cartoons where a dog has shifty eyes because he's up to no good.
Oh, this is...this is where you live? Oh, no...It's nothing...I just...well I just thought because you were so well kempt that...you know...your house would be, too. It's fine. It's fine. Let's just get to your room. Sam, why are we going in the basement? Oh...it is damp down here. Is that pipe leaking? Why does it...no...nevermind. No...I can't say it. You know what? I might go home. All of a sudden I don't feel so hot...well I was going to say it smells a lot like sweaty feet down here. Man it's damp down here. Do you have like seventeen humidifiers running in here?
Please don't tell me you sleep on a twin mattress on the floor. You do? Sam. Come on. You have a $400 watch on, $200 shoes, and nice clothes. Why do you live like this? How can it smell like feet so much down here! Jesus! Yes, Sam. Thank you. I will have a drink. I'm going to need it. Thanks. Is this red wine? What is it? Black current? I don't know. Oh, it's just juice? Alright. Ugh. What is going on? Is that the way this drink tastes or is this cranberry juice made with someone's old, sweaty feet? There is too much going on. Is this juice bad? Did you serve me old, bad juice? It's not expired. Look, once it's in my mouth, it just tastes like a liquid version of those delicious canned cranberries you eat on Thanksgiving. When you bring it to your mouth though...feet.
Sam. I can't do this. I'm sorry. You have a good nice and it was really nice meeting you. I'm going to call a cab and wait on your front stoop and hope that the shifty guy outside doesn't come towards me or I will kick him so hard he's going to be shifting in places he wishes he wasn't. Good night, Sam. Please lose my phone number.
- Country
- Poland
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 6 days ago
Epso Orangeade
Greek restaurants in their common form are nothing more than dinners that put feta cheese on their house salads. Occasionally they may serve lamb, but there is not much of a difference between a restaurant called Acropolis and one called Jims. I believe that the Greeks need to seize back their culture. The menus in their restaurants should be slathered with names of foods like spanakopita, gemista and briám. That would liven things up, and perhaps I would visit their establishments more often. I mean what is the point in visiting a Greek restaurant if you’re just going to get pancakes and a milkshake. Speaking of beverages those same restaurants should also spice up this section of their menu. With names like Ouzon, Ivi and Epso they would be sure to entice more customers into ordering something to drink other than water. I know I certainly would purchase more than my fair share of Epso. I have a weakness for carbonated orange juice. I hardly ever drink it in the still form, but throw some bubbles into the mix and I just can’t get enough. It’s sweet, it’s bubbly and it could help stir up interest in Greek restaurants.
- Country
- Greece
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 1 day ago
Jumex Nectar Apricot
For the quantity of peaches that I have consumed in my life I am shocked that I have not had more of its less fuzzy cousin the apricot. Truth be told I think I may have consumed maybe three whole apricots during my time on this planet. I have eaten it by the ton in its dried form though. The reason for that is because my mom would always buy a bag from the bulk section for some reason. Dried apples or pineapples would have been my go-to, but she always chose the apricot.
This is 27% juice and all of it is apricot. A lot of companies cut their juice with apple fluid, but Jumex keeps it strong with pure apricot. Well, at least the 27% of it that is actually juice and not water or sweetener. Even thought 73% of what is contained in this can is not apricot based, it sure tastes like it is. If you’re a fan of apricots and you don’t mind juice that is mostly not juice then give this a shot.
- Country
- Mexico
- Sweetener
- Sugar And/Or High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 3 days ago
Sambazon All Natural Amazon Energy Lo-Cal Acai Berry
Things are strange when you get a “diet” version of a drink that doesn’t taste all too different from the original, and that certainly doesn’t taste diet. This says it’s lo-cal, the strange this is there isn’t a no calorie sweetener in it. It still has evaporated cane juice in it. I’m assuming it’s just a lower quantity of it. The drink does taste a lighter than the original, but I think it actually makes it more enjoyable. Acai can be one intense fruit, and here it’s mellowed out. Natural energy that tastes decent. Well done Sambazon.
- Website
- http://www.sambazon.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
- Categories
- Diet, Energy Drink, Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 week, 5 days ago
Blackman Homestead Farm Bob's Pear Apple
It's 1920. You are eighteen, just graduated from high school and have your whole life ahead of you. You put on your hat, suit, and nice shoes and head to the market. You get some soap, fresh fruits and vegetables, and some meat for supper. Supper is what they called "dinner" in those days. You've got to check on the status of your car so you head to the mechanic across the street. It's dusty today. Your new dark gray slacks are taking a hit. Mother will be very upset that she's going to have to clean them. It's not your fault. If they would only cover the street with something everyone’s pants wouldn't get all muddy. After all, that's how you lost a tire. After that big rain, holes and mud was everywhere and essentially stole the tire right off your car.
The mechanic is sitting down, covered in dust, dirt, oil, and grease. He's drinking something but you can't tell what it is from across the street. You walk up to him and ask how your car is. He tells you that you just needed a new axle and it was done. You looked at his drink and it was one of those new Blackman juices everyone has been talking about. You asked the mechanic where he got it because you were finally going to get one. He said that the market you just came from had them but they were in the back so you probably didn't see them. You paid the man, threw your groceries in you newly fixed car, and headed back towards the market. You finally found the juice after having to ask two different associates where they were. You decided on the pear apple juice since you love both of those fruits. You pay the cashier, head outside, and sit in your car. You open up the bottle and take a sip. "Ahhhhh" you say. It's a fifty-fifty split between your favorite hand fruits. Naturally sweetened by apples, tasting like apples, and tasting like pears all at the same time. Now you know what everyone was talking about. Blackman has done it again. You're going to have to do an extra good job at shining his shoes next time he sees you. He deserves it after this concoction.
You get in your car, tip you hat to the mechanic who fixed your car, and headed to your job as a shoesmith for wingtips and loafers for the rest of the day. If it's not too late, maybe you'll try your luck at some of the other flavors the market's got.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 1 week, 6 days ago
Pitaya + Pitaya + Lemon + Coconut Water
In a cave four hundred feet below the ocean, there are aliens. You thought they came from outer space. You orbit-dummy. They brought Pitaya, a space fruit, to Earth because their soil couldn't handle it. Their plants grow down due to strange gravity so the aliens planted them in the ceiling of their cave. Problem is, here plants grow up so they planted all these strange fruits that they just assumed weren't growing but, in fact, were growing up and actually breaking through the earth in some places and humans discovered them. These strange fruits were harvested right as "The Great Coconut Water Craze" of 2010 happened so they naturally were mixed in with that. Someone took a sip and said that it needed a little something else and threw in a lemon and called it a day.
The aliens, disguised as insurance brokers went to the company that had "stolen" all their fruit for a profit and decided to see what their hard work had turned into on this planet. They discovered that it wasn't half bad. The dragonfruit was a nice compliment to the coconut water that was typically chalky. The lemon was a strange touch that actually was some of the most sincere lemon flavor. Almost like if you made homemade lemonade with real lemons and put that in there without the sugar because this isn't terribly sweet.
The aliens, upset that they had been plating all their stuff only to be used and modified by dumb humans decided that they would go to Mars because they heard through the television that Mars makes candy bars and everyone knows that aliens love chocolate.
- Website
- http://pitayaplus.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 2 weeks, 2 days ago