Jason Draper (1592 reviews)
Ahhmigo Brain Boost Super Greens Cleansing Energy
In the deserts of the southwestern United States there roams a nameless man. He is a man with many friends who have never heard him utter a single word. To those who know of the lore he is simply known as Ahhmigo. He wanders the desert with his trusty llama and helps those who are lost. The thing is he is kind of a jerk. He drives around in a jeep all day with a llama riding shotgun, until he finds someone wandering in the sand. He then pulls up, flips open a cooler from the back and tosses the wayward soul a bottle of water and a packet of vitamins and the like. He then just points in the direction of the nearest town, and just drives off. I know he’s giving some help, but the dude has a jeep. He could easily drive the people to safety instead of just hydrating them. He becomes their friend (I guess) and offers them refreshment, but like I said, he’s kind of a jerk.
This is the closest you will come to experiencing an encounter with this leathery skinned man. It is a bottle of spring water that has a cap full of freeze dried vegetables, roots, fruits, herbs and vitamins, just like the astronauts use. It helps to keep the ingredients fresh so that you can get the most out of them. Much like a Japanese soda, you smash the top down, into the fluid below, but instead of releasing a marble, a dusting of health enters your water.
The majority of these ingredients in cap drinks use zero calorie sweeteners to help make it more palatable for your average drinker. Ahhmigo is no different in that they use stevia, but with so much other healthy stuff in here, you can’t really taste it at all.
For drinks like this I normally list all of the weird ingredients that I’ve never heard of before, but I’m sure are ridiculously good for you, but this seriously has so many that it would be the entire review. They are broken up into different categories on the ingredients list, which include algae, phytonutrients & enzymes, tonic herbal extracts & mushrooms, green juices, western herbs and natural antioxidants. I would like to mention that it has bladderwrack though. Now that’s something completely new to me.
Overall this tastes like an old style health food store smells. It’s mostly wheat grass that I taste, but there are a bunch of other flavors in there that just make it taste healthy. It’s like someone took every little think that was healthy that they could find, juiced it all together, and then watered it down a bit. There are some flakes of the powder that I couldn’t get to dissolve, no matter how long I shook it.
This is certainly a strange drink that is fitting for the strange fellow in the desert who travels with a llama. If you ever come across him, make sure you thank him, as he probably saved your life, but also give him a little guff, for not helping more.
- Website
- http://www.ahhmigo.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Stevia
- Categories
- Drink Mix/Concentrate, Sports/Dietary Supplement, Water
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 day, 4 hours ago
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Suavva Cacao Juice Smoothie Mango
We here at Thirsty Dudes have not been too stroked on the Suavva line. In fact both of the other flavors we have reviewed have gotten the lowest rating possible. As is to be expected, I have been very hesitant to try this third flavor, and it’s been staring at me every time I open my fridge for the past month or so. Sometimes you need to just buckle down and power through an experience, and that is what I had prepared myself for today. I expected to make it 2-3 sips into this bottle, but to my surprise it actually tastes decent.
I guess cacao just needs a strong fruity flavor to combat its strong superfruit taste. I find it odd that most superfruits taste kind of similar. It’s like they all use acai as a weird mutated grape tasting base. Due to that it’s no surprise that this reminds me of mango and acai mixed, with a little something extra in there. Luckily that something extra is not the paint smell/taste that mike mentioned in his review of the original variety. The mango flavor takes center stage in this, and I am grateful because that means I will be able to make it through the entire bottle and gain the benefits of the antioxidants from the cacao.
- Website
- http://www.suavva.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Agave Nectar
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 1 day, 13 hours ago
- Comments
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Monster Rehab Tea + Pink Lemonade + Energy
Am I the only one who feels like non-carbonated energy drinks don’t work? Even thought I know they have the exact same energy giving ingredients, the absence of thousands of tiny bubbles tricks my brain into thinking that I will not be awake for much longer. Well brain, learn to work properly because I can assure you this does provide the burst of energy that it sells you on. It’s been awhile since I have physically been able to feel an energy drink, and I’m sure my nearly empty stomach played a supporting role in that.
Monster hit the nail on the head when they decided to mix their energy formula with tea and lemonade. They use a nice mixture of brewed black and green tea, instead of some garbage powder. That mixed with the pink lemonade it tastes wonderfully like summer and it does a great job of masking the typical energy drink flavor. It also 95% hides the taste of the sucralose used to sweeten this. This is decent tasting lemonade that has only 6g of sugar in the entire can. That’s some kind of magic right there. By the way what is in pink lemonade that makes it pink? Online tells me it’s just dye, but it taste different to me.
On top of this tasting great and giving you a healthy dose of hopped up energy it also has coconut water and a bunch of antioxidant rich fruits to help you recover from a rough night of some crazy scavenger hunt that you were more than likely on. I mean that’s how everyone spends their weeknights, right? Oh, and the secret to winning is to find the name of the baby gorilla buried in the pet cemetery, and get that can of Mello Yellow, no matter what.
- Website
- http://www.monsterenergy.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sucralose
- Categories
- Diet, Energy Drink, Iced Tea, Lemonade
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 2 days, 8 hours ago
- Comments
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Arizona Grape Lime Rickey
Follow this path of information. Arizona is from Long Island, and they are co-opting a beverage from Brooklyn. Okay, that wasn’t too bad was it? They started at the end of last summer when they released their Cherry Lime Rickey, which I believe was their first trek into the world of carbonation. It was a drink I enjoyed. It was pretty crazy, and ridiculously sweet, but on a nice hot day, it was enjoyable. Recently they have released three new flavors into their Rickey line, and they are what they are.
While it may only constitute 10% of the beverage these Rickeys are flavored with real juice. I don’t believe there was ever a time in nature when grapes and limes commingled. They certainly are a strange pair when put together, but it’s kind of enjoyable. I started drinking this last night at band practice, and it was a bit much to handle. Upon taking one sip I knew there was no way I was going to drink this entire can in one sitting. The label says it’s three servings, but Arizona knows as well as we do that we are a country of gluttons and 99% of their customers drink them don’t divvy up the portions. They separated the sweetener into HFCS and sucralose to keep the calories down, but it still makes it way sweeter than it needs to be. It is also harshly carbonated, so be aware of that when you go into one of these. Sometimes I really like that kind of carbonation, but last night was not one of them. The grape lime flavor was very interesting though, so it helped me get through half the can. The rest I put in my fridge so that I could review it later.
Here I am, the next afternoon, and now the beverage is lightly carbonated. Without the harsh bubbles, the flavor shines through a lot more. You can definitely taste the grape and lime juices, of course it’s through a haze of sweetener, but that is what the majority of the Arizona customer base wants. Unless the temperature is over 85 degrees I probably will not purchase another one of these, but I am still excited to try the other two new flavors.
- Website
- http://drinkarizona.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Sparkling
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 3 days, 13 hours ago
- Comments
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Core Power Natural High Protein Milkshake Chocolate
It is a well known fact that it is more important to have core strength rather than strength in just your extremities. Imagine having a weak little torso, but huge bulky arms. That is just ridiculous. I would like someone to draw a caricature of me looking like that. I will pay you one American dollar for it.
It is a lesser known fact that the best way to increase your core strength is with chocolate milk. Okay that is not exactly true. You do need to do some exercise and the like, but afterwards a properly placed chocolate protein drink will work wonders in building muscle and in being less hungry.
This tastes like a ridiculously good chocolate milk. It’s slightly gritty, but it doesn’t seem to be in the whey protein way. It’s more of a “we didn’t completely shave this chocolate down to nothing when we made this drink” kind of way. Just think of them that way; as tiny, miniscule little chocolate flakes. Doesn’t that make the drink even better?
Most protein drinks you have to take with a grain of salt, and expect something to be a little off with them. This does not fall victim to that taste-wise and I could pound this all the livelong day. Sure, I would probably be a lard since I’d be ingesting so much protein, but my taste buds would be happy.
- Website
- http://www.corepower.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Milkshake, Sports/Dietary Supplement
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 4 days, 9 hours ago
- Comments
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Celebri Tea Natural White Tea Blueberry Acai
Did you know that white tea helps to promote healthy skin? Well the internet tells me it does, and the internet never lies. Armed with this knowledge I would like to suggest that Celebritea partners up with Courtney Love for some publicity. Sure she appears to be an absolute nut job, but if this video is any indication she’ll up for promoting companies.
Oh you don’t know what Courtney Love has to do with tea? Well, her band has an album called Celebrity Skin. Get it? Celebritea Skin. The ad campaign would focus on the positive effects this drink can have on your skin, and of course we would use the same song as the NJOY commercial.
I don’t know why she wouldn’t agree. This is a tasty tea, especially for having stevia in it (as well as cane sugar) to cut down on the sugar. It’s got a classic white tea taste with mellow blueberry and acai overtones. You get a bit of stevia in the end, but it’s not too terrible. So get her on the horn and make this happen. You can send me my 10% when you get everything sorted out.
- Website
- http://www.drinkcelebritea.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 4 days, 13 hours ago
- Comments
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Dr. Wells
What higher educational institutions do you think all of the doctors in the soda world got their degrees from? I mean there can’t be that many colleges that offer programs in the carbonated arts. I wonder if they just paid for some bogus online degree, just so they could legally get the word “Doctor” on their driver’s license. In full disclosure I have seriously thought about doing so, and went so far as to see if there were any of those “colleges” that would allow me to get a doctorate in parapsychology, so that I could be in the company of Venkman, Stantz and Spengler. If you’re thinking of doing the same, don’t waste your time; none of them would give such a degree.
While they may have gone the internet route I am willing to bet that our DR. Wells here spent a few years up in Olympia, WA at Evergreen State College. At this mysterious educational center students can name their own majors. I’m pretty sure more than a few hippies for degrees in hacky sack.
As I imagine it Dr Wells has been around since the 30s, but in 1987 the Monarch Beverage Company (the home of Dad’s root beer) purchased him. They were none too pleased that Senior Wells was going around claiming to be a doctor when in fact he had no degree. So the ole’ Monarch shipped him off to Washington and Wells was put smack dab in the middle of the whole twee/riot grrrl scene there. By day he studied flavoring and carbonation like a true scientist, but at night he hung out at K Records, and he was always at Calvin Johnson’s parties. He was a big hit in a scene that wasn’t all to huge on alcohol.
At his classes he learned that he and the other Dr sodas (you know like the Pepper and Thunder) are actually known as spicy cherry pop. He never thought that name really fit, but was he to argue with his educators. By the time he graduated he had learned a whole lot about himself and the soda pop world. He realized that he was basically just a clone of Dr Pepper, and with some help of a school counselor he came to terms with that. He also saw a ton of rad bands that no-one ever believes an old geezer like him would have watched. Damn kids!
- Website
- http://www.dadsrootbeer.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 4 days, 15 hours ago
- Comments
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Monster Dub Edition Baller's Blend Punch Energy
This morning Mike and I had a meeting at the local Coke bottling facility. Our new friends there told us about what they do and about the new products coming out. Once that concluded we were taken on a tour of the warehouse/bottling section. Everything was normal and on the up and up until we came to a make shift boxing ring tucked away in a back corner. When we questioned its existence, our tour guide gave us a sly smile and tossed us a can of this new Monster Baller’s Blend. He said it was a way to promote the new SKU inside the company. Every week the warehouse employees downed a can of this fruit punch flavored energy drink and had it out in the ring to see who would take the upcoming weekend shifts.
We were in luck because the week’s fights were just about to start. We sat there as approximately two dozen employees cracked open a case of Punch Energy and used their keys to pop holes in them and shotgunned the hell out of those cans. Mike and I watched on as we sipped our can. It was surprisingly good. We were actually taken aback by how decent it was. When we think of a fruit punch energy drink the only image in my mind was an overly sweet cheap tasting syrupy mess. Luckily the liquid inside has a nice fruit punch flavor that doesn’t seem too childish. I believe that was due to the fact that it’s sweetened with sugar, so it’s not too syrupy and the slight general energy drink flavor gave it a more adult taste.
We only had time to watch the first couple fights, but let me tell you those warehouse guys were no joke. This was an all out bare-knuckle brawl, with a bunch of grown men who were all sorts of amped up on energy punch. The second forklift operator lost at least one tooth that I saw. I guess when you’re weekend is at risk and the weather finally getting nice out, you’re gonna do what you have to do for some time in the sun. The invited Mike and I to go a few rounds against each other for the titled of Duke of the Dudes of Thirst, but we politely declined. There were tacos in our future and we didn’t want to take a chance of ruining that with bloody lips and black eyes. Instead we downed the last few sips of our tasty beverages, said our goodbyes and made our way out into the wild world of taquerias.
As you may have guess by that last line, none of this is actually true, except that we did have a tour/meeting and we drank this surprisingly good beverage. There are no real taquerias in Buffalo, and that is the shame of our city.
- Website
- http://www.monsterenergy.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Energy Drink
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 5 days, 14 hours ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
Herbal Mist Tea made with Yerba Mate Mango
Can you guess what I’m going to say about this tea? Oh perhaps it’s that it’s so sweet with a high concentration of fruit flavor that you can’t taste the yerba mate that is supposed to be the base of the drink.
This drink is 100% natural, yet it tastes like it should be some random drink you find at a gas station. You know you go in and see a weird iced tea you’ve never tried and when you drink it you’re in disappointment city because it just tastes like a sugar drink. Okay, that was a bit harsh, this is a lot better then that, but I so badly want this to have a strong yerba mate flavor that is nowhere to be found. Instead I’m left with a whole lot of sugary mango and the slightest notion of some tea.
- Website
- http://herbalmist.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Cane Sugar
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 6 days, 9 hours ago
- Comments
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Arizona Black Tea With Ginseng And Honey
Here we have one of the originals of the Arizona line. It’s not very common nowadays. I was actually asked if it was a new flavor when I pulled it out to parch my thirst at band practice last night. I’m pretty sure the reason this flavor never became more popular is that I don’t believe that it was ever released as a tall boy can; I’ve only ever seen it in glass and plastic bottles. It’s a shame because this is way better than you would expect. Even though it is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup, you can actually taste the real brewed tea, instead of just sugar water. Sure, there is a decent amount of sugar in this drink, but it tastes like mass produced sweetened iced tea should. I’m looking at you with disappointment Brisk. That’s right, you’re getting the “dad face” while Arizona gets a proud arm around it's shoulder.
- Website
- http://drinkarizona.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- High Fructose Corn Syrup
- Categories
- Iced Tea
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 6 days, 14 hours ago
- Comments
- View and Leave A Comment
