Jason Draper (2642 reviews)

Jason plays bass in Failures' Union and owns/operates a screen printing shoppe called Wooden T-Shirts. He also eats veggie dogs by the gallon.

Rockstar Energy + Electrolytes Jamaica Cooler

Rockstar Energy + Electrolytes Jamaica Cooler

Jamaica? Jamaica? Are we talking the island country or are we talking about the Spanish word for hibiscus(sounds like hamica)? This just makes me think of Mr Burns in the grocery store saying ketchup and catsup over and over…Jamaica…hamica…Jamaica…hamica…

I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be hibiscus via aqua fresca, but for some reason it tastes like 50% of it is an apple energy drink, which is oddly not bad. It borders on that gross fake green apple taste, but it stays on the good tasting side of that divide. It also has a bit of a Jolly Rancher strawberry taste to it. So yeah, it has a fake strawberry apple flavor with perhaps some hints of hibiscus around the edges. That sounds like it should be disgusting, but luckily it doesn’t taste overly sweet, so that saves it. I get that they were going for an aqua fresca style beverage and it’s kind of there. I just wish it tasted more like the style of hibiscus I love aka it mixed with cinnamon and other spices. If that was how this turned out it could have been problematic for me as I would want it all the time.

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 17 hours, 13 minutes ago
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Star Wars Sparkling Vitamin Drink Space Punch

Star Wars Sparkling Vitamin Drink Space Punch

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away..and by that I mean a few months ago in Delaware this beverage was “bottled.” Star Wars has always been known for its merchandising, but this one seems a bit ridiculous. Space Punch? Are they serious? This seems like it should be some sort of knock off product, you know like something that would be featured on a Star Wars version of bootlegbart.com. The slit on Kylo Ren’s mask would go vertically and his light sabre would be bright green or something like that. We live in a strange world though in which Disney owns Star Wars and has licensed it out for this product.

At first I thought the price point on this was a bit high for a kid’s drink. Then I noticed that the vitamin content of this was mostly B vitamins and Niacin aka vitamins used in energy drinks. It was then that it hit me that when I was a kid everything Star Wars related was directed towards children, but nowadays a bunch of it must be marketed towards adults because those kids that were fanatics about it in the 80’s are now all grown up. If this were made for kids it would taste like Flintstone’s chewable vitamins dissolved into fruit punch. Instead it tastes like Centrum multivitamins were ground up and put in the juice. It has a very non-candy like vitamin taste to it. At least the fruit punch aspect of it tastes great.it is composed of grapefruit, pear, orange, blueberry, blackberry and raspberry juice mixed together. If you took out the vitamins and most definitely left out the completely unnecessary erythritol this would be a punch that would truly be out of this world. Instead it just tastes a bit earthy and a bit diet. The force was not with A Drink Department One when they dreamt this up.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Juice, Sparkling
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 2 days, 10 hours ago
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Coca-Cola Diet Twisted Mango

Coca-Cola Diet Twisted Mango

We live in a golden age for diabetics. Seriously if I had “Sugar,” as my grandmother called it, I wouldn’t want to live in any other era of beverages. The recent fitness boom has overflowed the market with brand after brand of beverages that use zero calorie sweeteners. I would be walking down the street, kicking my heels at all of the stevia laden drinks out there just waiting for me to pour them down my throat. Being as I do not have that particular affliction and I watch my weight in other ways, I find myself mostly avoiding those same drinks, and wishing a lot of them either were made with real sugar, or with no sweetener at all. I am not a petty man though and I am happy for my fellow humans who are in a better place because of it.

For too long the choices of the “diet drinkers” have been so limited, so I was glad to see that Coke had released a line of unusually flavored diet colas. Mike had tried the blood orange version and her thought it was fairly horrible. When you’re not acclimated to diet sweeteners they can be pretty potent and take over the flavor. We try to look past that in our reviews and try to think how people who drink this stuff all the time would view it, but sometimes that can be hard, especially when the soda is sweetened with aspartame, I mean who uses that anymore? I kind of thought it had really been completely phased out for sucralose and stevia. When I first opened this I thought it smelled vaguely like some sort of cleaner, but the taste was actually pretty pleasant. The mango is strong and it hides the diet flavor pretty well. It also masks the cola flavor, which is unfortunate. I would have wanted mostly cola with a hint of mango, but I was delivered the reverse. About halfway through the can something happened and the aspartame really started to seep through. I don’t know if it was because it had warmed up a bit, or if it had just settled to the bottom half of the can, but it got pretty bad and I didn’t finish it all. That first half was decent though, even for someone who doesn’t enjoy diet sodas. I hope for the sake of a good portion of the population that this sticks around because it’s something different for them to enjoy.

Website
http://www.coca-cola.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Aspartame
Categories
Diet, Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 days, 10 hours ago
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Onli Natural Grapefruit (Pomelo & Peach)

Onli Natural Grapefruit (Pomelo & Peach)

There beverages were a surprise treat. When I picked them up I saw that the flavors were Grapefruit, Hibiscus and Raspberry. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized that under the big flavor, others were listed. In this one the surprise visitors were pomelo and peach. Sure pomelos are similar to grapefruit, but why not mix them together to spice things up a bit? The result is a soda that is very much citrus based. I have an aversion to peach in drinks because it almost always tastes fake and like some sort of peach chemical and not fruit juice. In here it really tastes like neither and just makes the soda taste a bit crazy, but in a good way. The initial taste that greets you is most definitely grapefruit, but then the other two kick in and it is like some mad scientist performed experiments during a lightning storm and created a new fruit (no, not the coveted guavacado that I dream of so often). This is unlike any flavor I have tasted before. It’s quite delicious, but for some reason I cannot make it through an entire bottle in one sitting. I suppose that means I just get to enjoy it again a little bit later.

Website
http://onlibeverages.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Natural Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 4 days, 18 hours ago
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Mountain Dew Ice (Lemon Lime)

Mountain Dew Ice (Lemon Lime)

I need to ask, who green lit this product? This product really has nothing to do with the Mountain Dew line, and it just tastes like any other lemon lime soda. Is this PepsiCo’s attempt to bring back what is perhaps the most boring soda flavor after 7Up went to the Dr Pepper Snapple Group? Wasn’t that Sierra Mist/Mist Twist’s job? Were they really missing out on all of those lemon lime soda sales that they needed to create a new one, and brand it under one of their most popular flavors? I don’t know if I have ever witnessed a single person purchase a 7Up. I mean I’ve seen it at parties and such, but I’ve never witnessed its acquisition and I worked at a grocery store for years.

The only thing novel about this is that it’s a lemon lime soda that has caffeine in it. I suppose that’s where the Mountain Dew aspect of it comes in, but that is a real stretch. Nothing about this kept my attention to even drink even half of this 20oz bottle. I but they are surely regretting the obscene amount of money they must have spent on the Super Bowl ad for this. I’m pretty sure this is going to turn into a limited edition without them intending it to.

Website
http://www.mountaindew.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 1 day ago
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Rockstar Ginger Brew

Rockstar Ginger Brew

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I think of a Rockstar slinking across the stage with the confidence that makes the straightest of males question their sexuality; I instantly think of ginger ale. Sweaty and shirtless in skintight jeans doesn’t make me think of whiskey at all, just a good wholesome soda. I am obviously being sarcastic, but the truth is that while I am incredibly far from being a rock star whenever I’m playing a show if I had to choose between liquor and ginger ale, the root soda would win every single time. I am far from cool. I do have to admit that I sometimes do like to drink an energy drink before I play though. It’s a bad habit that I formed from Red Bulls being stocked in green room fridges. Am I just going to say no to that? I mean I probably should, but I am weak willed. This is like that Red Bull, except it tastes nothing like a chemical flavored energy drink (which I do love) and really only tastes like ginger ale. In a blind taste test I would instantly identify it as that specific soda and would probably never guess that it would get me wired. Isn’t that what any of us want? To get crazy and not have to feel like we are poisoning ourselves?

Website
http://www.rockstar69.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Ginger
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 1 week, 3 days ago
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100 Plus Original

100 Plus Original

Do you know what American athletes are missing that those in Asia have access to? Carbonated sports drinks, that is what. Can you imagine being in the middle of a match of some sort, you are exhausted and dripping with sweat, and your trainer hands you a can o “carbonated isotonic drink?” What on Earth is refreshing about that? I was once given sparkling water while playing a show and I nearly spit it everywhere because bubbles are not what you need to quench your thirst. Water is all I want in such times, and I’m not even exerting that much energy. Even the minimum sugar in other sports drinks is a bit off putting to me in such times. Somehow this beverage has persevered for decades. Apparently they have done so without updating their look either, as this can looks more 70’s Olympics than anything else I’ve ever seen.

If you can find it in yourself to look past this products intended purpose the taste isn’t all that bad. It’s strange, but not horrible. It’s like someone mixed Squirt with lemon lime Gatorade. I don’t know why anyone would do such a thing, but apparently someone in Malaysia did and liked the results enough to mass produce it. I really feel that if the grapefruit aspect of this was left out the taste would greatly suffer. Just carbonated Gatorade would be unwanted on all fronts. This way it at least has something interesting about it.

Website
http://https://100plus.com.my/
Country
Malaysia
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 2 weeks, 6 days ago
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Brooklyn Crafted Ginger Beer Earl Gray

Brooklyn Crafted Ginger Beer Earl Gray

Is it just me or does Earl Grey sound like it should be the name of a sheriff from back in the Wild West? You know a grizzled man who will do whatever it takes to bring justice to a small town, even if it means leaving the life he loved behind? Perhaps in the movie that I am apparently pitching his love interest would be a woman from England and he has to choose between being with her and protecting the town. In a scene she will get him to bring some tea she has brought from home and he will pretend he doesn’t like it, even though the truth is he finds it very soothing. In the end he will sacrifice himself in order to save the town from a band of outlaws that are causing a commotion. In the final scene his would be love interest will place a cup of tea upon his grave. Come on Hollywood, why aren’t you knocking on my door? The movie could be called Teatime in Sundown or some such silly thing.

Oh, once I get this running I’ll approach Brooklyn Crafted to do a dual promotion with this soda. Perhaps you are like me and never realized that you wanted an Earl Grey ginger beer. I dare you to take one sip and still be able to honestly make that claim. This is just plain delicious. The essence of the tea is perfectly captured and somehow works great with a very flavorful ginger beer. I bet with the burn this soda has our hero wouldn’t have to pretend he didn’t like the tea anymore. He could make an offhanded comment about how it felt like a cousin of whiskey or something. You know so he can keep his completely unnecessary forced masculinity. Look I know this movie I thought up in 30 seconds is never going to get made, but this soda is real and you should really get your hands on some.

Website
http://https://www.drinkbrooklyncrafted.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Iced Tea, Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 weeks, 3 days ago
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MET-Rx NOS Pumped Nitro Grape

MET-Rx NOS Pumped Nitro Grape

Are you ready to get PUMPED?!?!?!!? You know, jacked, swole, juicing your pecs? Yeah, me either. I go get exercise, and go to the gym a few times a week, but I’m not looking to get super muscular like a body builder. I just want to be healthy (physically and mentally) and feel good about myself. Being as I feel a bit worn down, due to staying up late watching bad horror sequels, and that I’ve spent all morning/afternoon painting my basement because I am an idiot that gets ideas in his head and needs to see them through. Seeing as today is a gym day for me it seemed like a good time to drink this little one down. It contains caffeine to give your work out a boost. I’m sure today it will bring me back up to a normal state. This beverage also contains Arginine to aid with circulation as well as glycerin to hydrate you. There is also Citrulline Malate in here, but it doesn’t say what it’s for. The assumption is something work out related, but perhaps it’s for mind control or to track your internet searches. Who knows?

Now that I know, or assume to know, what this is doing to my body I can concentrate on the taste, which is that of a melted Freez-E-Pop, that hasa slightly diet flavoring to it. I have to be honest , although that isn’t the greatest flavor, it’s exactly what I was hoping it would taste like. I wanted that nostalgia and fake grape taste. Welp, I got it and I’m ready to run 20 miles, or two. More likely two. Possibly three. I’m really bad at running.

Website
http://www.metrx.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 3 weeks, 4 days ago
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Brooklyn Crafted Ginger Beer Mango

Brooklyn Crafted Ginger Beer Mango

This is my new favorite soda, that I didn’t even know I wanted to exist. I love ginger beer. I really love pineapple ginger beer, but I never really thought of it being mixed with other fruit juices, except for lime (also delicious). This is one of those things that once you know it exists you feel like a big dummy for not thinking about how awesome of an idea it would be. Like how long were people drinking Coke before someone was like, “Hey, let’s put a little cherry in there and shake the whole thing up.” It’s a game changer, well at least for me. I don’t know if I will ever be able to drink regular ginger beer now without thinking to myself, “man, I wish there was a splash of mango in here.” I’m doomed.

Brooklyn Crafted took their already great ginger beer as a base and added some mango juice concentrate. It completely changes the experience. The burn at the end is sticky sweet in a whole new way. Brooklyn Crafted you have bestowed upon me a blessing, and a curse.

Website
http://https://www.drinkbrooklyncrafted.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Pure Cane Sugar
Categories
Ginger, Soda Pop
Rating
5/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 17th, 2018
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