Milk (74 reviews)

Ripple Chocolate

Ripple Chocolate

"Nutritious Plant-Based Milk" isn't really milk at all, is it? I mean, you could argue that almond milk or soy milk isn't milk but I guess it's all in your definition of what "milk" is, now, isn't it? One thing I can say is that whether you call this milk or a plant-based milk, I can tell you that it is one thing, it's not that great.

It most certainly tastes like something is "up." It doesn't have the smoothness of milk. I don't want to say gritty but there is definitely some stuff up in there. I get that it's a nice alternative to dairy and for vegans, if you had the strength, you might do a backflip to hear that you've got another alternative to murderous milk.

This tastes like chocolate but as far as chocolate milk goes, it's definitely lacking in both sugar and chocolate. I'm not saying that as an insult but you might want to think of this as not only dairyless milk, but also think of it as "chocolate milk light" but put "light" in double quotes because this 12 ounce bottle still manages to cram 220 calories in her. It's a difficult battle, milk, but I suppose we can't let them have all the fun in Mootown.

Website
http://www.ripplefoods.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 26th, 2016
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Sneakz Strawberry Milkshake

Sneakz Strawberry Milkshake

For the life of me I have no idea why they have labeled this a milkshake. It’s not thick. There is no ice cream involved. It’s really just strawberry milk…with a bunch of veggies added. To be clear they are veggies that you also cannot taste. They are hidden nicely in the mix. Also to be clear, this doesn’t taste like Strawberry Quik either. It’s a different beast that is close, but not quite the same. It really just tastes like what I imagine people thought strawberry milk tasted like before Quik was invented. Did it even exist before then though? Is this a chicken/egg or a music/misery type situation? I guess it doesn’t matter. This tastes pretty good and you’re getting some vitamins from veggies. Kids will love it.

Website
http://www.sneakz.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 25th, 2016
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Sneakz Vanilla Milkshake

Sneakz Vanilla Milkshake

A couple of years ago when Sneakz was launched, it was less than stellar. The vegetable taste seeped through too much and when mixed with chocolate it was like someone used Hershey syrup as salad dressing. The company realized the error of their ways and corrected their formula into something that was more than just passable. They also expanded their line to include strawberry and this vanilla.
I’m assuming they used the same basic principles they developed for the new chocolate version and applied them to vanilla because I don’t taste vegetables in here at all. This is full of carrots, sweet potatoes, spinach and cauliflower but you would never know it by taking a sip. It’s all vanilla, but not in a cheap ice cream kind of way. It tastes like actually vanilla beans were used. You can’t ask for much more than that in a drink of this variety. You get ½ a serving of veggies and it tastes great. That’s a win all the way around.

Website
http://www.sneakz.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Milkshake
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 10th, 2016
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REBBL Super Herb Elixer Turmeric Golden-Milk

REBBL Super Herb Elixer Turmeric Golden-Milk

I will start by saying; this wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The turmeric was pulled down by the coconut milk which is the featured player in this act. I actually wish that it was a bit stronger and it's already a pretty bold drink. I think the coconut is too strong and kills some of the spice of the turmeric. There is honey in here somewhere according to the ingredients but you can't taste it. At the end you get the sting of the turmeric but you have to really wait it out while the coconut milk flavor dies out.

I don't know if I would drink it again but this one bottle was good and I'm happy I was "forced" to drink it for the site otherwise I probably wouldn't have tried it.

Website
http://www.rebbltonic.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Stevia Extract
Categories
Coconut, Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 15th, 2016
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Organic Valley Organic Balance Milk Protein Shake Dark Chocolate

Organic Valley Organic Balance Milk Protein Shake Dark Chocolate

There are some things that John wanted to do differently. One thing was more "liquid meals." No, not alcohol like when people say, "Hey. Want to get a liquid lunch?" Just to be able to drink more meals and more rapidly turn into vitamins and minerals versus wasting calories with traditional food. Look, John likes pizza and tacos as much as the next guy. He can't keep doing that every day, though. He needs to supplement. John loves chocolate so he figured what better way to replace one meal that he loved with another flavor that he loved?

He bought a case of the Organic Valley Dark Chocolate protein shake and just started replacing. Day after day, meal after meal he found himself enjoying life more and more. He had more time to spend with friends since a meal now took him five minutes versus the hour it took him before. His bosses noticed his dedication and gave him a little raise. Everyone at work saw him as a hard worker and gave him the respect he deserved. He enjoyed the taste. It wasn't chalky like some other protein drinks he's had in the past. It's dark chocolate but just barely.

John has gotten what he wanted and more. He really stuck to it and learned a few things; You spend a lot of your life thinking about food and eating and Janet in accounting eats subs every day of the week and still looks fine.

Website
http://www.organicvalley.coop/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Fair Trade Unrefined Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Milkshake
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 23rd, 2016
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Organic Valley Organic Balance, Dark Chocolate, 11 Ounce (Pack of 4)

Hershey's Strawberry

Hershey's Strawberry

I have not had strawberry milk since I was like fourteen. My friend Ian and I were sitting in his kitchen and drinking it and calling it "cow blood." Pretty morbid now that I think about it but we were fourteen. What did we know? Neither one of us had touched a boob. What else is there? We never drank. We didn't smoke. We just hung out all the time and played football in people's yards and hockey in people's driveways. We just hung out. We were all we knew and we were fine.

What we should have known was that this strawberry milk is complete garbage. Man. Now I know why I haven't had this stuff in like twenty years. It sucks. It tastes like candy strawberries but something about it still being milk makes me sick to my stomach. This is almost most certainly a "me" review and an opinion so don't get mad at me but I did not like this one bit. I don't really remember liking it back then which is probably why I haven't had any desire whatsoever to buy it.

Not for me. Ian, I'm telling you this now and I'm retroactively telling you this in 1994, I don't and never did like strawberry milk.

Website
http://www.hersheys.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 14th, 2015
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TruMoo Protein Plus Chocolate

TruMoo Protein Plus Chocolate

All the protein. I need all of it. I need to bulk up. Who has time for the gym. I'm going to slam all of the chocolate milks just to see what it would look like if I was chiseled out of marble. Wait...that's not how that works? I just cancelled my gym membership and in exchange spent my membership fee on chocolate milk. I've already drank eleven of them today.

Am I going to be alright? What poisoning? Protein poisoning? Really? Oh man. What do I do? Can I do a cranberry cleanse or something? Do I need to make myself throw up? Eleven milks. I can't believe I did that. How? Well it actually wasn't that hard. It tastes like a melted Wendy's Frosty. Who couldn't drink 154 ounces of Frosty. 154 ounces of chocolate milk? Oh man.

This day will go down in infamy as the one of the dumbest days of my life. I've got to reverse this by going on a cleanse. At least it wasn't a really rich, thick chocolate milk and was closer to the stuff you would make at home. I might have really put on some pounds. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. Probably a big poop. Hopefully a big poop.

Website
http://trumoo.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 26th, 2015
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Fairlife Ultra Filtered Milk Chocolate

Fairlife Ultra Filtered Milk Chocolate

Unlike Jay, I eat meat. That being said, if I can eat an animal that was treated fairly before he was, let's face it, murdered, that's better. Morrissey, while wildly militant about it, is right in that respect. He's right about a lot. He's Morrissey. This milk is advertised as being produced humanly and who can't appreciate that? Sure, there are probably some people out there talking about how they don't care how the animals are being treated as long as they have a hamburger on their plate at the end of a day.

Does this chocolate milk taste happier? Not really. I'm not saying that it tastes sadder. If anything, it tastes thicker. It's creamy chocolate milk, more so than anything you make at home and probably thicker than a Nesquik. Yes, there is sucralose in it and yes you can taste it but it doesn't come off as a super diet chocolate milk. It's better for you in terms of calories, protein and calcium than "regular chocolate milk." You wouldn't guess it because it's pretty rich and if you didn't know better, tastes like it is not at all better for you than "the other guys" chocolate milk.


Our buddy Marvo over The Impulsive Buy reviewed this drink, too which reminded me that I had it in my queue. Now, all thanks to him, I really want another glass of it. You've done it again, Marvo.

Website
http://fairlife.com/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on February 16th, 2015
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FairLife Chocolate Reduced Fat Milk 2-1.5 L bottles

Organic Valley Organic Balance Milk Protein Shake Vanilla Bean

Organic Valley Organic Balance Milk Protein Shake Vanilla Bean

There is an organic balance in an organic valley in an organic town in and organic state in an organic country in an organic world in an organic dimension. That’s right, there is a parallel dimension to ours in which everything is organic. Without the aid of manmade materials and products, life expectancy isn’t as long as it is here, but the people there know no other way, so they have no complaints. When they drink their vanilla bean milk protein shakes they are quite accustomed to it tasting like ever so slightly thicker milk that has had vanilla beans soaking in it. They don’t know/care that it doesn’t feel anything like a protein shake in our dimension. It doesn’t have the graininess, or the viscosity that we have come ot expect from our protein shakes. It’s as if milk came from a cow they added some vanilla and a bit of sugar and they have their meal replacement. Things are simpler in organic world and they just might be for the best.

Website
http://www.organicvalley.coop/
Country
United States
Sweetener
Organic Fair Trade Unrefined Cane Sugar
Categories
Milk, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on January 21st, 2015
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Organic Valley Balance, Vanilla Bean, 11 Ounce (Pack of 4)

Upstate Farms Custard Shake Chocolate

Upstate Farms Custard Shake Chocolate

Billboards and most advertisements don't really sell anything to me. I don't want to sell my house fast or get a loan on a 1995 Ford Winstar. I don't want to go to the casino and I don't want to sue anyone for that time I slipped on ice. I don't have a DWI and I know that Geico can save 15% or more on my car insurance.

One thing that I didn't know is that this little guy exists. Custard shake. Sounds good right? Sounds rich. Let me tell you friend, your imagination isn't lying. This is good and it is rich. I can also very simply review this for you. Ready? This chocolate custard shake tastes like if you went to Wendy's, bought a Frosty, left it in the car so you could run into a store to buy a new pair of shoes, ran into that dude that you don't like that talks to you even though you get the feeling that he gets the feeling that you don't like him, returned to your car only to forget that you had a Frosty in it and it melted. You shrug because at the end of the day, it's still fantastic and drank it all the same. It's that good. Melted Frosty. Nailed it.

Website
http://www.upstatefarms.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Milk
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 15th, 2014
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