Smoothie (24 reviews)
Juiceheads Smoothies Orange Mango
More! I need more! Look, here's the problem. I only have a limited amount of juice box containers but I have a truckload of fruit. So, what I'm going to need you to do is put as much fruit in each juice box as possible because, and this may sound strange, I hate fruit. If there is one extra orange, I won't eat it. I will throw it in the garbage. Do you know what I hate more than fruit? Wasting fruit. Fruit is money. Time is money. Money is money. So what have you got for me, Sam?
Well boss, I've got this. I cannot fit any more juice and I feel there is a fair representation of all the fruits in there. Ready for the breakdown? Here goes. In each box, we've got half an orange, two-thirds of a banana, half an apple, half a mango, and an eighth of a pineapple. You didn't buy any grapes but I don't know if we could even fit grapes in here. Somehow we managed to make it taste like mango and orange exclusively even though there are so many other fruits in there. It's technically a smoothie, but it's not terribly thick and nicely sweet due to the apple probably. Do you want a taste?
Sam, let me ask you a question; do you want me to throw up on your already dirty Reeboks? I didn't think so. I trust you with this one so box 'em and ship 'em. We're ready for phase two; profit!
- Website
- http://www.juiceheads.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman 3 weeks, 2 days ago
Odwalla C Monster Strawberry C
I always think that Odwalla is on the bottom of the trio of Odwalla, Naked and Bolthouse juices. I call them the big three, because they are the three companies that are readily available pretty much anywhere in the USA. I think I must have always drunk their Super Protein line. I remember the smoothies always being a bit on the chalky side. With the C Monster drinks that is not a problem at all? Do you love orange juice? Do you also have an affinity for strawberries? Then this is the drink for you. There are some grapes and a little apple in here as well, but you don't notice it. All this tastes like it a premium orange juice that has a handful of strawberries blended into it. I bought this because it was on sale for half off, but I think this may have changed my opinion of Odwalla and I'll be checking out their other flavors shortly.
- Website
- http://www.odwalla.com/
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Cane Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/24/2011
Juiceheads Smoothies Wild Berry
When drinks come in these tetra pack they always seem like they are going to be too small for me. Ahh my American gluttony. Truth is that these packs keep me from being a slob. I just finished this up and I'm actually pretty satisfied. I should probably start drinking more things in smaller packages. Maybe then I won't over-stuff myself.
In my world this is more of a juice than a smoothie. It's a great juice, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't have the consistency of what I think of when I think smoothie. This is just a mixture of nine different fruit juices. There is nothing added to it to thicken it up. I'm okay with it. It tastes like you're eating a bunch of fresh fruit. Well done Juiceheads.
- Website
- http://www.juiceheads.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/12/2011
Cuties Protein Fruit Smoothie Tangerine + Mango + Other Fruits
Oh how adorable a little bottle of smoothie. It has the cutest little face on it and an ever so appropriate name "Cuties." This may have been your first thought process if you are either under the age of 10 or over the age of 45 and lived alone except for your 14 cats. Truth be told you wouldn't be thinking this is so cute if you knew it's dark history. Remember those monks from the 90's that recorded their chants and sold them in mass quantities to the yuppie crowd? Have you ever wondered why we don't hear from them anymore? I mean obviously it's not because that was a stupid novelty of an idea. It must be something more sinister. The last ingredient in this bottle is "Monk Fruit Concentrate." That's too much of a coincidence for me. After doing some digging I uncovered the ghastly truth that Cuties has been harvesting the "singing monks" mind grapes to add a little kick to their smoothies.
They start off with a nice thick smoothie that tastes very strongly of tangerines and mangoes with just the slightest hint of banana. From the taste you can definitely tell it's a protein drink, but it's not as chalky as you would expect. It is the monk's mind grapes that give it that quality. Tell me you still think this is cute now that you know that it contains monk brains! You do? Well then you my friend are quite the sicko!
- Website
- http://www.cutiesjuice.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/9/2011
Archer Farms Fruit Smoothie Berry Pomegranate
It seems like just yesterday I was complaining about the specifics of what truly makes a smoothie. I argued that seeds, thickness, and stuff make a smoothie and this is way closer. It's also not made with coconut milk so we are closer still. This also tastes delicious and would be loved by all if given the opportunity to take a swig. Oh, the diseases that would go around if everyone shared a bottomless bottle of this drink. Everyone would be ill.
This is good. Get it. It's at Target.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/6/2011
Cuties 100% Juice Smoothie Tangerine+Strawberry+Other Fruits
I enjoy drinking things shaped like a baseball. It's completely awkward and it makes me want to market something that is fun to drink because it's shaped like a pirate ship or light pole or spoiler off a Honda Civic. People would love it because it's delicious but I would make it so it doesn't really fit on any shelf and doesn't stay where you put it because there isn't a adequate flat surface.
This was an impulse buy that was made because of the flavor and the shape and the price and the fact that the name of the company was Cuties.
I expected a bit more smoothie and less coconut puree, if I may be honest. The flavor was good to start; tangerine fighting strawberries and then who breaks up the fight? Fat old coconut. It not bad, I just thought it would be thicker, perhaps with seeds or something. There is a bit of "stuff" in there, so it is technically a smoothie, I just would have liked more, you know.
There are other flavors and we will eventually get to them, but for now, I know what to expect, and it's thick, coconut Juice in the shape of America's favorite past time.
- Website
- http://www.cutiesjuice.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- No Sugar Added
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/5/2011
Main St. Cafe Protein Smoothie Strawberry
Alright, I've got my beret, I've got my laptop, I've got my scarf, I'm ready to hit the cafe! Let me just start up my Vespa and hit the road. I know that it's only three blocks away, but why would I be wearing this scarf in July if I couldn't ride my sweet hog? You feel me? Alright, here I am, at the cafe. I'm ready to buy a small coffee and sit and work for two hours, taking up as much space as possible and not letting paying patrons sit down, regardless if they have kids or not. I simply can't work at home. My stupid roommate will not stop listening to the first Mr. Bungle LP. It was funny the first time, but he's been listening to it for two months straight and I can't take it anymore. Look, I like Mike Patton as much as the next guy, but come on give me a break.
What? I can't sit here and play games on my computer? I bought a small coffee. I know it's been gone for two hours, but I am a paying customer. It's not my fault that there is a line of people that want to sit here and I've got my bag on one chair, my helmet on another chair, and my scarf on another chair. I need my space, sir. Fine, I'll get something else. I've have your titular strawberry smoothie.
Thank you. May I sit here now? Thank you, and because you are so nice, I will move my scarf and allow one person to sit. This smoothie is good. It's just like a strawberry yogurt but thinner and a bit chalkier, but not bad. It's not too sweet and there's no fun seeds or anything. It's almost more like a GoGurt than a yogurt. Sir, did you empty a GoGurt into this cup? You didn't? Alright, thank you. Oh wait, you did? I appreciate your honesty. To reward you, I will move my helmet and let another patron sit down.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Categories
- Smoothie
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 9/12/2011
Brazil Gourmet All Natural Superfruits Smoothie Acai with Cupuacu
I demand to know who is in charge of keeping track of ORACs aka antioxidant comparison. As far as I can tell companies just make up numbers. Acai drinks always seems to list the ORAC found in acai in comparison to other antioxidant rich fruits and the numbers are never even close to the same. I'm calling shenanigans!
As for the juice contained (yes I know they say it's a smoothie, but it has the consistency of juice so that is what it is in my world) it smells terrible. Vaguely rotting. I was skeptical to even drink it. I sucked up my fear and I took a sip, which actually tasted pretty good. The acai flavor isn't as harsh as I expected it to be. The other ingredients mellow it out a bit. It's not in my list of greatest juices of all time, but because of the health aspect of it I have no real complaints aside from the retched odor. I advise not breathing until it's in your mouth already.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Organic Evaporated Sugar Cane Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 6/24/2011
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Bolthouse Farms Fruit Smoothie Amazing Mango
Mike informed me the other day that for the first time in his life he had recently eaten a mango. I don't know what I was more shocked about, that he hadn't had such a wonderful fruit for 27 years, or that he said it was "gross sauce." Okay, maybe he didn't say gross sauce, but I'm allowed to paraphrase here. You're not the boss of me!
Mango is delicious. Few fruits are better. It may be a sloppy fruit to eat in its natural state, but the sticky face and hands are worth the happy tongue it leaves you with. Bolthouse Farms knows how great the mango is, so they gave it a drink all of it's own. Sure there is a blend of other juices mixed in, but mango has the starring role in this Broadway play of taste. You can definitely notice some orange juice mixed in for the aftertaste, but I'm not complaining. With 100% juice and no sugar added, there is very little to complain about here. Well-played Bolthouse. Well played.
- Website
- http://bolthouse.com
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Naturally Sweetened
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/28/2011
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Main St. Cafe Protein Smoothie Mixed Berry
I'm proud to say that we are the first people outside of the production team to try the new recipe for Main St. Cafe smoothies. I have never tried the old formula, but I can only assume this is a step up, because it's pretty great.
For the first 29 years of my life I detested yogurt. I thought it was so completely foul. I tried it again and again, but the consistency and the weird nondescript yogurt aftertaste were things I just could not get down with. By repeatedly trying it, I somehow acclimated myself to the issues I had with it. Now I eat it all the time. As it turns out, mixed berry yogurt is my favorite. Look here, this is basically a drink version of that.
I was warned that if I drank this when it was too cold that it would be insanely thick. I took that advice, I'm drinking it chilled, and let me tell you, it's still pretty darn thick. I like it. It's about half the viscosity of a cup of yogurt. The fruit is completely pureed into the drink, so there are no chunks in this. This is not the type of smoothie you would get in the mall, but it's not something to be overlooked. If you don't abhor yogurt, give this a try.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Sugar
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/25/2011
- Comments
- 2 Comments. Leave a comment.