Not Listed (73 reviews)

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee S'Mores

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee S'Mores

Where do I start with this...? It's not great. That's where I'll start. Before the similes and before the jokes, let's get to the marshmallow'y meat of this whole ordeal. It's not great. It tastes vaguely of marshmallow if you made a marshmallow with an array of chemicals...errrr...artificial sweeteners and then covered in more sugar. This time, and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here, real sugar.

This has more of a coffee taste than many of the other iced coffee's I've have, which is a welcome change but the rest of it...I feel like I might need a tongue scraper. It's a very prominent, strong taste that I wish I couldn't taste anymore. I'm not saying it's terrible and I'm going to barf, but after sharing half of this and finishing a half of what I had left, I don't know how much s'more endurance I have left in me. That's not a pun. I don't do puns. I'm better than that.

If you're wondering, I can't taste any chocolate or graham cracker. Marshmallow and coffee and endless questionable sweeteners. This will surly bring a plague of unknown disease upon my poor, meat-filled body. I just won't know about it for another twenty years when the test results come back. Prognosis...negative.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 31st, 2017
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Dunkin' Donuts Fruited Iced Tea Blackberry with Strawberries

Dunkin' Donuts Fruited Iced Tea Blackberry with Strawberries

Ahh. A nice, opaque tea in the morning. What better thing to start off the day? That's what I said to myself as I miraculously got my dumb son to school on time and still had time to buy this maroon treat for myself.

What is it? Well it's unsweetened black tea with an undisclosed amount of blackberry puree in it and some assorted chunks of strawberries. It's also available for a limited time so I thought, "I need to get this before it's too late!" as if I didn't get it, I would regret it for the rest of my life like the time that I wanted to see DJ Rashad in Toronto but couldn't find anyone to go with me and he died the next day. That type of regret.

She's good, though. I think there is so much puree that you can't taste any tea, though. "Problem" with that is that the puree itself is so good that you almost don't care and then hate yourself for saying such apathetic things about tea, the lifeblood of everywhere but America, who, ironically and allegedly, runs on Dunkin'. Every once in a while you're treated to a bullet to the back of your throat disguised as mushed up strawberry that is more fun than gross. If you might like tea, like fruit juice and enjoy working on your cheek muscles, this is a great summer drink for you.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Chunky, Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 10th, 2017
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Starbucks Frappuccino Unicorn

Starbucks Frappuccino Unicorn

I don't understand what just happened. Every sip was different and every sip was strange. It was sour in some sips and just an explosion of some sort of mystery fruit in others. There were also glitter sprinkle sparkles on top.

I don't know what the flavor was. Was it strawberry? I think I read mango somewhere but if I put one next to the other, it wouldn't have been whatever I tasted in this. I mean, is "cotton candy" a fruit? It tasted like cotton candy at some points. Who is this for? Within the ten minutes that I was there, they sold a rather copious amount of them so they're doing something right. It won't last long but if it was up to me, I would have drank a dozen of that illusive Polar Unicorn Kiss that I/we never got to try before I would drink another one of these. Was it bad? I cannot even answer that question. It truly was made of the barf of unicorns.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Other/Weird, Smoothie
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 19th, 2017
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McDonalds Milk Shake Chocolate Shamrock Shake

McDonalds Milk Shake Chocolate Shamrock Shake

No one in the car? We can get away with something. A milkshake from McDonald's the perfect sneaky treat. I've been cooking fantastic meals from Blue Apron that take me between 45 minutes and an hour to make and I snuck out to get a milkshake. Not just any milkshake but a Shamrock Shake and not just any Shamrock Shake but a chocolate Shamrock Shake. I get it and it looks 50% great. There is a little whipped cream with a cherry and some green, festive, seasonal sparkley sprinkles. Then we get to the meat of the shake...pause for dramatic effect.

Why is this layered? Why is this layered like this? I mean, they came out with a cool straw that was made to drink from two points at a time. What happens if you have a regular straw? It's not a chocolate Shamrock Shake as much as it is a half chocolate and half Shamrock shake. Unless you mix them up yourself, which I didn't, you have to drink through each flavor. I just thought that was strange and wrong. Like when my brother wore seven pairs of underwear at a time so that he could take off the outside pair and not have to put on new underwear for a week. Pause for applause...

Website
http://www.mcdonalds.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on March 2nd, 2017
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Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Cinnamon Bun

Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Cinnamon Bun

What did I expect? This is just as bad as I thought it would be. It tastes like cheap, powdered cinnamon and fake sweetener. Whether or not it's authentic sugar, who cares? The best sugar couldn't save this drink. I don't think I finished the whole thing and I was tired and I got a small. It was a little coffee flavored but the syrup, my main complaint with Tim's is too thick and strange and throws off the viscosity of the rest of the drink. I want a cinnamon bun writing this and, like I said, I didn't expect much and I was still let down. Shame. Shame.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on December 8th, 2016
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Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Vanilla

Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Vanilla

This tastes like a candle and also tastes like it sucks. No stars. Wait...I can't do no stars? This website sucks almost as much as this drink. I said, "Could I have an iced coffee with vanilla, please?" and I think they misheard "vanilla" and thought I said candle wax. Three sips. There goes $2.16. Cripes. Grozz. Ugh. These are the sounds that I am audibly saying at work aloud as people try to work. "Try to work" is code for "fantasy football" so it sounds like everyone has a hearing impediment today.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 26th, 2016
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Starbucks Iced Coffee Chile Mocha

Starbucks Iced Coffee Chile Mocha

Whether or not there was coffee in this is another story, but this was fantastic, man. It had the earthiness from the chilies and the cinnamon. Really, I don't know if there was coffee in this and if there was, it was highly masked by the rest of the flavors. It wasn't spicy as much as it was the flavor of green chile. The chile and cinnamon were generously sprinkled on like a medium dusting from the spice fairy, a fictitious (presumably) creature that puts spices on food and drinks alike. The mocha was a good umbrella flavor. I don't go to Starbucks often but as soon as I saw this was out, I ditched whatever lunch plans I had and went there and was pleasantly pleased I didn't have to pull the old, "Do you have this? You don't? Welp, see you later." and walk out the door awkwardly. We've all done it. It's one thing to do it in a restaurant but have you ever done it in a drive through? Way worse. When the person wants you to pay for your meal and you have to say, "Oh, no. You didn't have what I wanted so now I have to sit in line with the rest of these buffoons." that's the worst. This was in stock and supposedly for a limited time, too so hurry on over and get one.

Website
http://www.starbucks.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on September 9th, 2016
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Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino Twix

Tim Horton's Iced Cappuccino Twix

Twix, a cookie not a candy bar, is a wonderful cookie not a candy bar. Carmel, crunch, caramel and chocolate. If we're talking about "The Four C's," screw diamonds, dude. Twix is where it's at. How is this though? Sweet. I don't even know after all these years if there is any coffee in iced cappuccino, or as we in Western New York like to call them, "Iced Capps," anymore. They might be but it's so overpowered by sugar and cream and now cookie crumbles that what's the point anymore. This small was more than enough. There was probably the amount of a "fun size" Twix grinded up on the top which was fun to get through the straw at the end. The rest was just a sugary blur of cookie flavors and brown. I say that like it's a bad thing. Look, if you're the type of person to buy an iced cappuccino, you know what you're getting into and you know what you're doing to yourself. I'm not going to say it, but deep down you know what you're up to.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee, Milkshake
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on August 17th, 2016
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Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Pistachio

Dunkin' Donuts Iced Coffee Pistachio

My brother is getting married. I am in Arizona and it is hot. Some might call it "a dry heat" but no matter which way you cut it, 87 degrees is hot. My poor, frail, pale Buffalo skin hasn't seen the sun since September so coming off a six month winter as we do most years, I am worried that I am going to burn to a beyond-aloe status.

What do I do when on "vacation?" Well besides eat huevos rancheros, I (apparently) go to Dunkin' Donuts and get new iced coffees because that's what I did tonight. Pistachio, that's what I chose as (I don't think) we have it in Buffalo. How was it? Well it was very light and worried me. It just looked like straight cream and I didn't have any idea what it was going to taste like. It ended up being pretty good, though. It tasted like pistachios, which is saying a lot since I would wager a guess that no actual pistachios have ever touched this mix. It tastes like pistachio ice cream, which I love and wish I had right now. If you're into that, add the essence of coffee and you might have a recipe for success.

Phoenix? We don't know who is going to win this battle but if I were a betting man, I would say that the odds are in your favor. At least I got to cool down for the ten minutes the Dunkin' Donuts was open before they closed at six which I find a little bit early but what do I know? Nothing. I don't live here and I don't know these people. I know nothing.

Website
http://www.dunkindonuts.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 14th, 2016
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Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Mocha

Tim Horton's Iced Coffee Mocha

Experience 1: I go to Tim Horton's and order a mocha iced coffee. Lady says, "Do you want cream or sugar?" I respond, "No, thank you." She says, "Do you want it black?" I respond, "I just want it how it comes." She says, "Alright." and gives me one cream and one sugar. I did not like it.

Experience 2: I go to Tim Horton's and order a mocha iced coffee. Lady says, "Do you want cream or sugar?" I respond, "No, thank you." Different lady hands me the coffee and says, "I put more chocolate in it so it's not so bitter." I did not like it.

Tim Horton's. I want what I want and order it as such. If I wanted cream, I would ask for cream. If I wanted sugar, I would ask for sugar. If I wanted an extra shot of mocha, I would ask for an extra shot of mocha. Start listening to me and stop treating your job like a jazz solo and improvising what you think people might want.

Website
http://www.timhortons.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Not Listed
Categories
Coffee
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on April 5th, 2016
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