Monster (37 reviews)

Monster Juice Mango Loco

Monster Juice Mango Loco

Summer is upon us and along with disgustingly hot sticky days it also means that companies are rolling out their new summer lines. To celebrate the season Monster has released this new flavor in their “Juice” line.

From the smell of this I expected it to be a similar super syrupy mess as the Arizona mango beverage. Luckily it was not. In fact, it is decidedly not syrupy and also not super mango flavored. It has more of a general tropical taste, which makes sense seeing as it has guava, grape, apple, pineapple, lemon, apricot, orange, peach, and passionfruit along with mango juice in it. In fact it is 16% juice, and I’m guessing that might be the highest concentration of juice any non-natural energy drink has to offer. This hodgepodge of purees, juices, and syrups is quite a delight on hot summer days when you need a little kick in the pants in order to not take an afternoon nap in the shade. I don’t really get what the Day of the Dead motif has to do with the drink or the time of year, but maybe I’m missing something. I do really like the blue of the can though. It’s as bright as the flavor.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 7th, 2017
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Monster Energy Unleaded

Monster Energy Unleaded

This is…odd. I don’t mean that it tastes strange, it’s actually very pleasant. The unusual thing about this energy drink is that they went out of their way to make it caffeine free (get it? Unleaded). The little blurb on the can says that it’s so people who enjoy the taste of Monster, but who are also sensitive to caffeine can still enjoy it. My question is caffeine really the ingredient that people get all jittery over? I mean I do have a sensitivity (read: I’m not addicted so it serves its intended purpose and doesn’t just make me “normal.”) but I feel like it’s more the taurine that gets me all crazy. Natural energy drinks don’t affect me the same way as Monster and it’s brethren do. This is still loaded with B vitamins, niacin, taurine, ginseng and the like, so it still gave me a boost. It seems odd to me and not something there would be a big market for. If it serves its purpose to allow people to get where they need to go, good for it.
Overall it tastes like a slightly diet regular Monster; all sweet like chemical candy. Can we take a moment to acknowledge that energy drinks are the only beverage that diet versions don’t taste absolutely disgusting? This is sweetened with sugar as well as sucralose and it doesn’t taste like poison at all. The other flavors just mask the diet death taste in all the right ways.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 12th, 2016
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Monster Energy Gronk

Monster Energy Gronk

You know what we need? A new poster child for a specific demographic. Not since James Dean have we had a person who identifies a people. No we do. Rob Gronkowski is this generation's James Dean. Like it or not, he embodies all that is today's youth. I bet he wears a backwards baseball hat. I bet he fist bumps no less than fourteen times per day. You know what else? I bet he could beat the living tar out of me on his worst day. Rob Gronkowski could have non-stop diarrhea for a week and still whoop me. Rob Gronkowski could have lost a limb in a bar room brawl, be hopped up on painkillers and wear glasses with wildly poor prescriptions and still knock my block off.

That being said, his drink might be the best Monster I've had. Yeah, it tastes like what fruit would taste like if you wrapped it in quotes and was made exclusively from chemicals but hey, as far as taste is concerned, it's the best that Monster has to offer. Could I drink a whole bottle? No sir or ma'am. Could Rob Gronkowski drink one? Rob Gronkowski probably adds it to his Trix instead of milk. Rob Gronkowski probably wears it as cologne and pulls down more in one night than I have my entire life.

Rob Gronkowski. King among bro-men.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 23rd, 2016
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Monster VR/46 The Doctor

Monster VR/46 The Doctor

As I'm driving through the Swedish countryside after two days of no sleep I have a beautiful body of water to my right all I can think of is "Why am I drinking an energy drink?"

I'm on tour in Europe with Night Birds and I just realized that I 100% was peer pressured into buying this. It looks completely ridiculous and we were all laughing. Next thing I know some Kroner coins are being pressed into my palm, and I was opening the cooler.

Lucky for me it's actually pretty good. It's a citrus Monster that leans heavily on grapefruit. It doesn't have too much of a classic energy drink flavor. Overall it has a pretty light flavor, and it's very pleasant. In addition it has that textured Monster can that I enjoy.

This is apparently from Ireland and "The Doctor" is MotorGP champion Valentine Rossi. I have no idea who that is, but I'm assuming he's a big deal over here.

Let me tell you when you haven't eaten much or slept in days these things hit you hard and fast. Good thing I'll be sitting in a van for a few hours. Thanks peer pressure.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
Ireland
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 3rd, 2016
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Monster Java Salted Caramel

Monster Java Salted Caramel

Sometimes your ladyfriend nicely makes you dinner when you are sick, even when she just had a long day of school/work and is exhausted herself. She grinds up the always great garlic salt mix from Trader Joes to spice it up a bit for you. Not often, but sometimes, in her delirious state she doesn’t realize that she left the cap on and goes to add more when she tastes it and it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. This time she remembers to take the cap off and an obscene salty mess tumbles into your otherwise delicious meal. You don’t want to be rude, or unappreciative, so you eat it, sodium and all. Now it’s a week later and you have a can of Salted Caramel Java Monster in front of you and all you can think of is how salty that meal was and if this tastes even a fraction like that, there’s no way you will be able to enjoy it. Salt could be ruined forever, and that would be a horrible life to lead. I mean think of all the salsa and guacamole I would miss out on? That’s not a life I have any interest in living.

Somehow, like in a dumb sitcom, everything turned out just fine. It wasn’t overly salty. In fact it has only the faintest trace of sodium, which is how drinks should be. No one wants a salty drink, unless it’s some boozy concoction on a beach, and even then I don’t understand it. This has a general canned coffee flavor to it, with some small traces of caramel. There is another flavor that people tend to overdo it with. With a confection that is pretty much just burned sugar, less is usually more. I want hints of it, not a sore jaw from chewing a hunk of it for hours. Luckily there is no trace of the energy drink flavor in here. The idea of it mixed with coffee, is pretty wretched, and Monster seems aware of that, so they keep them separate.

Overall I found myself enjoying this way more than I had anticipated. It’s nothing terribly special, but I had overall low expectations and every single one of them were surpassed. Aim low and you’ll never miss the mark.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 20th, 2016
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Monster Ghost M-100

Monster Ghost M-100

From what I can gather from snippets online I believe that this beverage is some sort of tie in with the video game Ghosts of War. Since I only play Zelda, Final Fantasy, and recently the Arkham games this means nothing to me and I will instead believe that it is an energy drink for ghosts.

So you have some unfinished business on Earth and can’t cross over to the spirit realm, why not drink some mid-calorie (100) energy drink to keep you moving to haunt your way into the afterlife. Just think about how much easier Barbara and Adam would have had it in Beetlejuice if they would have been all amped up. It probably would have helped them make bad decisions that would lead to the family moving out of the house, without the aid of a man in a striped suit or sandworms. The truth is is that this comes in a camo can (a nicely textured one at that) so it probably has something to do with astral projections or spirits and probably more to do with a video game about war. Oh well. I can pretend in my mind.

To me this tastes like a combination of 40% Mountain Dew, 40% original Monster and 20% orange juice with bit of a sucralose aftertaste. I don’t know what I expected this to taste like, but this is not it. It was a nice surprise and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Now I can either go haunt a house or kill some people in a video game, or keep you awake on a long drive. Since this is apparently an exclusive to Speedway gas stations I did just that.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 13th, 2015
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3 Cans of Limited Edition Monster Energy M-100 Ghost

Monster Muscle Vanilla

Monster Muscle Vanilla

There’s nothing like a big can of milk to make you want to go and work out. There may be a lot of other ingredients in here, but flavor/consistency wise what it boils down to is that is tastes like you’re drinking vanilla milk. Yes, I am aware that the protein in these shakes usually comes from whey, but I also normally drink them after going to the gym, not before, which is how this beverage was intended to be enjoyed. The main ingredient in here is skim milk, and that really shows through. It’s probably mostly psychological, but it makes me feel logy, even with the taurine and other energy producing ingredients present.

Is there anyone on this planet who before heading out for a run heads to the fridge and pours themselves a nice tall glass of milk? The thought of it just sitting in your stomach makes me think about the inevitable amount of vomit that would spew forth within the first ¼ mile.

I appreciate what they are going for with this, and I enjoyed the chocolate version, but as a pre-workout drink this simply does not work for me. Afterwards I could see, but surely not before.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 1st, 2015
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Muscle Monster Energy Shake, Vanilla, 15 Ounce (Pack of 12)

Monster Muscle Chocolate

Monster Muscle Chocolate

This little guy proved to be a minor conundrum for me. You see I generally drink the protein shakes we are sent after I work out. That is what I was originally told to do when I first started going to the gym, so it’s what I always followed. With this it seemed like I should drink it beforehand. Who needs an energy boost after a workout? Get that in there beforehand to give yourself a little extra push and stretch your limits a bit. Being that this is the terrifying modern age, I took this question to Google and found out that there is actually an argument amongst professionals as to when is the best time to consume protein in the work out world. Some say after because it helps repair muscles, while others say before because it will give you extra strength during the workout. You know what? I’m not that serious about this whole thing. I go to the gym so that I don’t become a fat, lazy slob like so many Americans who are approaching middle age. I’m not looking to get ripped, I just want to stay remotely healthy and work off some of these unnecessary Thirsty Dudes calories. Since there was no definitive answer I chose to go with before the gym for this round. Let me tell you I certainly got an energy rush from it. I worked out longer and harder than I normally do, and now I’m a gross sweaty mess in desperate need of a shower, but I forced myself to write this review first.

A lot of protein drinks are chalky, due to the whey protein, but this is nothing if not creamy. It’s also thick, as if a milkshake was halfway thawed and you pounded it. Luckily no brain freeze accompanied this ingestion. I think the greatest thing that Monster pulled off with these is that it’s incredibly chocolaty and it doesn’t taste a thing like an energy drink. I think this may be the only beverage that includes taurine that I have tasted that doesn’t make me question if I’m being poisoned or not with chemicals. Sure the use of sucralose along with the sugar gives it a bit of a diet taste, but that is something you come to expect and accept with protein drinks. If they were laden with sugar they would kind of defeat the purpose of the workout. The 16g of sugar in here is pushing it a bit as it is.

At the end of it all, this tasted fantastic and I’m still buzzing with energy after a fairly intense workout by my standards. Who’d have known that Monster had this in them?

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 22nd, 2014
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8 Pack - Monster Muscle Energy Shake Chocolate - 15oz.

Monster Ultra Sunrise

Monster Ultra Sunrise

I don’t mean to be a jerk, but has anyone else noticed that the Sunshine State has been putting on a bit of weight? It just looks like it’s getting a little paunchy in the middle. I blame it on the whole scene surrounding Orlando. That damn gluttonous mouse and his friends make bulging out the center of the state. There are so many people, who consume so much terrible food. Those same people always want to be on the go to make the most of their limited vacation time. What we have here is something of a cure all. It’s the essence of Florida, in a diet, liquid form that gives the imbiber a boost of energy.

Unfortunately it is a bit heavy on the diet side of the flavor. This taste insanely like fresh orange juice, except it tastes like that very specific flavor has been made into a powder and then mixed with equal parts zero calorie sweeteners . It’s insane how such a pure taste is there, but also ruined by the sweetener. I’ve come a long way in accepting these sweeteners, but in here it’s still too much for me. I’m sure those who are die hard diet soda drinkers would be all about this, but the rest of society will surely be put off.

Oh, this is actually called Ultra Sunrise, and not Ultra Sunshine? Well, everything I said stands, it just makes a little less sense talking about Florida the way I did. It really does taste like that state’s staple fruit though.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 19th, 2014
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Monster Energy Drink Ultra Sunrise 16 Oz (24 Pack)

Monster Über Monster

Monster Über Monster

Part of having a special drink is to make it special, right? Otherwise it's just a regular drink. There is nothing apparently special with this aside from the bottle, a bottle that only energy drink nerds and computer programmers would give two rips about. It tastes like a grape, Jay says "white grape" Monster. It's not terrible, but it most certainly isn't worth the five dollars I paid for it.

Want to see what we really thought? We thought you would so we made a little video of ourselves. Please to enjoy.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on November 11th, 2013
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4 Pack - Über Monster Energy Brew - 16.9oz
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