Monster (40 reviews)

Monster Mutant White Lightning

Monster Mutant White Lightning

Monster apparently decided to dip its toe into the world of caffeinated sodas and I’m pretty sure we all missed it. The only time I have ever come across this in the wild has been in discount or discontinued sections. My reasoning for this is that Monster themselves helped to make such products obsolete. Energy drinks are so common place now that I can’t even tell you the last time I heard someone say that they were getting sleepy so they needed some caffeine and then have them grab a Mountain Dew. To be fair it seems like that particular company is doing just fine, but I believe that is because they are an institution and there is an extreme culture based around it. Even they have branched out into actual energy drinks though with Amp. I’m sure there are kids out there who I really hope aren’t drinking energy drinks, which would down bottle after bottle of this on sleepovers or video game binges. The sad thing is that it’s no longer out of the ordinary to see young teens downing cans of Monster, and yes, it always seems to be Monster with children.

As for the flavor is this, White Lightning is apparently code for really diet tasting. It reminds me of a diet version of Frosh by Faygo. I haven’t had that in probably 30 years so I could be way off, but that’s what my brain is putting together. It’s kind of citrus, but really just diet.

I just looked up the Mutant website and did a product search and apparently every 711 everywhere carries these, so perhaps I was wrong and it was financially sound for them to put out this product. Fans of mini marts everywhere just may be celebrating this as they sit on the curb with their nachos and chili dogs. I may in fact be that out of touch and perhaps we should just hang out Thirsty Dudes.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucralose
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink, Soda Pop
Rating
2/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper 21 hours, 34 minutes ago
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Monster Rehab White Dragon Tea

Monster Rehab White Dragon Tea

Hello, my name is Jason and I have an energy drink problem. It all started off with late night drives, and me grabbing a Red Bull or what have you to keep me awake. Then I was occasionally drinking them on long days of work to give me a push to make it to the end of the day. Before I knew it I loved the taste that I used to have to force myself through. I justified it to myself that it wasn’t a regular occurrence and they were special treats for me. Then the turning point came. Over the course of the past two months Big Lots was blowing out different energy drinks for $.50 and $.33 respectively. I stocked up using the old adage that I would be losing money if I didn’t. Then they were staring me in the face and instead of being a treat they became an every other day thing, now it seems it’s every day. I keep telling myself that it’s fine because the drinks I purchased got their energy from natural caffeine and vitamins, not weird chemicals. Now here I am and even though I drank one of my natural energy drinks a few hours ago I find myself in a gas station parking lot having purchased this Monster and I just don’t give a rip. I will now blame it on my puppy. Have you ever had a couple month old puppy, they are a handful and wake up at the crack of dawn. My rise and shine time has been moved up a few hours and I’m still going to bed at the same time. I’m tired all the time. Of course it’s not because I’m addicted to caffeine now (at least I hope). I’m just going to sit back and sip this can of deliciousness on this hot spring day.

I love these Rehab Monsters. Tea is one of my favorite beverages and mixing it with an energy drink, which I also apparently love now, is great. This has a combo of white and black tea in it, not too shabby. It also has a bunch of different fruit juices in it and that is where things get weird. This is supposed to be dragonfruit (or pitaya) flavored tea, but somewhere along the line the wires got crossed and it just tastes like lychee, which is somehow wonderful. I like dragon fruit, but the weird perfumey floral taste of this only makes me think of lychee. I’m guessing it has something to do with the white grape and dragon fruit comingling. I just hope other people enjoy this as much as I do so that it sticks around. Actually maybe it would be better for me if it bombs and this shows up at Big Lots for mere cents. I would instantly buy them all and then hit up the rest of the stores in an hour radius around me. Sorry Monster, but I have a new found addiction to feed and I might as well do it with your wonderful new flavor.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Glucose
Categories
Energy Drink, Iced Tea
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 10th, 2018
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Monster Caffe Mocha

Monster Caffe Mocha

When I saw this, my first thought was, “Is this just a repackaging of the Monster Java line?” After drinking it and doing a little bit of research I’m still not sure. Perhaps if I drank them back to back I could give you a more definitive answer, but as of now I can only say…maybe? This is chocolatey and very creamy. There is actual more milk in here that I would want. While I can get behind a latte, recently I prefer my coffee based beverages without cream. The chocolate in here is really nice though. It tastes like chocolate and not just chocolate flavor. Overall this tastes more like a frothy chocolate milk with a splash of coffee in it, rather than the other way around. All of the energy drink aspects of this are not present in the flavor at all. There is no chemical or liquid candy flavor at all.

I’m going to assume this is different than the Java line, because I still saw those in the cooler, and why would the store stock both? Perhaps the difference is this uses Arabica coffee. Who knows? It’s tasty and that’s all that matters to me.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on June 2nd, 2018
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Monster Juice Mango Loco

Monster Juice Mango Loco

Summer is upon us and along with disgustingly hot sticky days it also means that companies are rolling out their new summer lines. To celebrate the season Monster has released this new flavor in their “Juice” line.

From the smell of this I expected it to be a similar super syrupy mess as the Arizona mango beverage. Luckily it was not. In fact, it is decidedly not syrupy and also not super mango flavored. It has more of a general tropical taste, which makes sense seeing as it has guava, grape, apple, pineapple, lemon, apricot, orange, peach, and passionfruit along with mango juice in it. In fact it is 16% juice, and I’m guessing that might be the highest concentration of juice any non-natural energy drink has to offer. This hodgepodge of purees, juices, and syrups is quite a delight on hot summer days when you need a little kick in the pants in order to not take an afternoon nap in the shade. I don’t really get what the Day of the Dead motif has to do with the drink or the time of year, but maybe I’m missing something. I do really like the blue of the can though. It’s as bright as the flavor.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on July 7th, 2017
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Monster Energy Unleaded

Monster Energy Unleaded

This is…odd. I don’t mean that it tastes strange, it’s actually very pleasant. The unusual thing about this energy drink is that they went out of their way to make it caffeine free (get it? Unleaded). The little blurb on the can says that it’s so people who enjoy the taste of Monster, but who are also sensitive to caffeine can still enjoy it. My question is caffeine really the ingredient that people get all jittery over? I mean I do have a sensitivity (read: I’m not addicted so it serves its intended purpose and doesn’t just make me “normal.”) but I feel like it’s more the taurine that gets me all crazy. Natural energy drinks don’t affect me the same way as Monster and it’s brethren do. This is still loaded with B vitamins, niacin, taurine, ginseng and the like, so it still gave me a boost. It seems odd to me and not something there would be a big market for. If it serves its purpose to allow people to get where they need to go, good for it.
Overall it tastes like a slightly diet regular Monster; all sweet like chemical candy. Can we take a moment to acknowledge that energy drinks are the only beverage that diet versions don’t taste absolutely disgusting? This is sweetened with sugar as well as sucralose and it doesn’t taste like poison at all. The other flavors just mask the diet death taste in all the right ways.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on November 12th, 2016
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Monster Energy Gronk

Monster Energy Gronk

You know what we need? A new poster child for a specific demographic. Not since James Dean have we had a person who identifies a people. No we do. Rob Gronkowski is this generation's James Dean. Like it or not, he embodies all that is today's youth. I bet he wears a backwards baseball hat. I bet he fist bumps no less than fourteen times per day. You know what else? I bet he could beat the living tar out of me on his worst day. Rob Gronkowski could have non-stop diarrhea for a week and still whoop me. Rob Gronkowski could have lost a limb in a bar room brawl, be hopped up on painkillers and wear glasses with wildly poor prescriptions and still knock my block off.

That being said, his drink might be the best Monster I've had. Yeah, it tastes like what fruit would taste like if you wrapped it in quotes and was made exclusively from chemicals but hey, as far as taste is concerned, it's the best that Monster has to offer. Could I drink a whole bottle? No sir or ma'am. Could Rob Gronkowski drink one? Rob Gronkowski probably adds it to his Trix instead of milk. Rob Gronkowski probably wears it as cologne and pulls down more in one night than I have my entire life.

Rob Gronkowski. King among bro-men.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Mike Literman on May 23rd, 2016
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Monster VR/46 The Doctor

Monster VR/46 The Doctor

As I'm driving through the Swedish countryside after two days of no sleep I have a beautiful body of water to my right all I can think of is "Why am I drinking an energy drink?"

I'm on tour in Europe with Night Birds and I just realized that I 100% was peer pressured into buying this. It looks completely ridiculous and we were all laughing. Next thing I know some Kroner coins are being pressed into my palm, and I was opening the cooler.

Lucky for me it's actually pretty good. It's a citrus Monster that leans heavily on grapefruit. It doesn't have too much of a classic energy drink flavor. Overall it has a pretty light flavor, and it's very pleasant. In addition it has that textured Monster can that I enjoy.

This is apparently from Ireland and "The Doctor" is MotorGP champion Valentine Rossi. I have no idea who that is, but I'm assuming he's a big deal over here.

Let me tell you when you haven't eaten much or slept in days these things hit you hard and fast. Good thing I'll be sitting in a van for a few hours. Thanks peer pressure.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
Ireland
Sweetener
Sucrose
Categories
Energy Drink
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on May 3rd, 2016
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Monster Java Salted Caramel

Monster Java Salted Caramel

Sometimes your ladyfriend nicely makes you dinner when you are sick, even when she just had a long day of school/work and is exhausted herself. She grinds up the always great garlic salt mix from Trader Joes to spice it up a bit for you. Not often, but sometimes, in her delirious state she doesn’t realize that she left the cap on and goes to add more when she tastes it and it doesn’t seem to be doing anything. This time she remembers to take the cap off and an obscene salty mess tumbles into your otherwise delicious meal. You don’t want to be rude, or unappreciative, so you eat it, sodium and all. Now it’s a week later and you have a can of Salted Caramel Java Monster in front of you and all you can think of is how salty that meal was and if this tastes even a fraction like that, there’s no way you will be able to enjoy it. Salt could be ruined forever, and that would be a horrible life to lead. I mean think of all the salsa and guacamole I would miss out on? That’s not a life I have any interest in living.

Somehow, like in a dumb sitcom, everything turned out just fine. It wasn’t overly salty. In fact it has only the faintest trace of sodium, which is how drinks should be. No one wants a salty drink, unless it’s some boozy concoction on a beach, and even then I don’t understand it. This has a general canned coffee flavor to it, with some small traces of caramel. There is another flavor that people tend to overdo it with. With a confection that is pretty much just burned sugar, less is usually more. I want hints of it, not a sore jaw from chewing a hunk of it for hours. Luckily there is no trace of the energy drink flavor in here. The idea of it mixed with coffee, is pretty wretched, and Monster seems aware of that, so they keep them separate.

Overall I found myself enjoying this way more than I had anticipated. It’s nothing terribly special, but I had overall low expectations and every single one of them were surpassed. Aim low and you’ll never miss the mark.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Coffee, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on March 20th, 2016
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Monster Ghost M-100

Monster Ghost M-100

From what I can gather from snippets online I believe that this beverage is some sort of tie in with the video game Ghosts of War. Since I only play Zelda, Final Fantasy, and recently the Arkham games this means nothing to me and I will instead believe that it is an energy drink for ghosts.

So you have some unfinished business on Earth and can’t cross over to the spirit realm, why not drink some mid-calorie (100) energy drink to keep you moving to haunt your way into the afterlife. Just think about how much easier Barbara and Adam would have had it in Beetlejuice if they would have been all amped up. It probably would have helped them make bad decisions that would lead to the family moving out of the house, without the aid of a man in a striped suit or sandworms. The truth is is that this comes in a camo can (a nicely textured one at that) so it probably has something to do with astral projections or spirits and probably more to do with a video game about war. Oh well. I can pretend in my mind.

To me this tastes like a combination of 40% Mountain Dew, 40% original Monster and 20% orange juice with bit of a sucralose aftertaste. I don’t know what I expected this to taste like, but this is not it. It was a nice surprise and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Now I can either go haunt a house or kill some people in a video game, or keep you awake on a long drive. Since this is apparently an exclusive to Speedway gas stations I did just that.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Diet, Energy Drink
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 13th, 2015
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3 Cans of Limited Edition Monster Energy M-100 Ghost

Monster Muscle Vanilla

Monster Muscle Vanilla

There’s nothing like a big can of milk to make you want to go and work out. There may be a lot of other ingredients in here, but flavor/consistency wise what it boils down to is that is tastes like you’re drinking vanilla milk. Yes, I am aware that the protein in these shakes usually comes from whey, but I also normally drink them after going to the gym, not before, which is how this beverage was intended to be enjoyed. The main ingredient in here is skim milk, and that really shows through. It’s probably mostly psychological, but it makes me feel logy, even with the taurine and other energy producing ingredients present.

Is there anyone on this planet who before heading out for a run heads to the fridge and pours themselves a nice tall glass of milk? The thought of it just sitting in your stomach makes me think about the inevitable amount of vomit that would spew forth within the first ¼ mile.

I appreciate what they are going for with this, and I enjoyed the chocolate version, but as a pre-workout drink this simply does not work for me. Afterwards I could see, but surely not before.

Website
http://www.monsterenergy.com
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Categories
Energy Drink, Sports/Dietary Supplement
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on April 1st, 2015
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Muscle Monster Energy Shake, Vanilla, 15 Ounce (Pack of 12)
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