Couldn't Read Ingredients (17 reviews)
Sumol Original Laranja
Our friend Eric from GourmetRootBeer.com took a trip to Portugal recently and brought us back this bottle of Sumol. There was also a can of the pineapple version that was lost to airport security. Damn the man! While I do love pineapple drinks, the one that made it back with him is nothing to scoff at. Eric described it as being similar to Orangina. I can see where he’s coming from, but it is a bit different. When each of us took a sip we all thought it initially tasted like grapefruit Squirt. The more we drank the more the orange flavor set in. I’m still uncertain as to exactly what it tastes like, but I’m 95% certain that I think it’s a lemon lime soda that has orange switched out for the lime. You can taste that actual orange juice is involved in the creation of this soda. That on it’s own makes this better than the majority of other orange sodas out there. Now that we’ve finished the bottle I want to pull some sort of elaborate prank on the members of airport security that confiscated the can of the pineapple Sumol. I’m thinking something involving marbles, caterpillars and a whole lot of honey.
- Website
- http://www.sumol.pt
- Country
- Portugal
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 3 days, 19 hours ago
Uludag Cola
Uludag: a name that strikes fear into the hearts of the common folk. It’s the type of name that if this review were an old movie when it was said thunder would crash and lightning would flash. No one knows exactly what sort of evil lies in wait at the center of the Uludag mountains. All that is known if that when men enter the region they never return.
I will let you in on a secret. I know what the heart of the evil is and it goes by the duel names comfort and luxury. You see there is a little town at the summit of one of the mountains, and in that village there is a little shop that sells cans of Uludag cola. The people of the town are so friendly, the view is so exquisite and the cola is so tasty that visitors have no urge to ever return to their old lives. Sometime, early on, someone came up with the idea to start rumors of a monster or demon living in the area to deter people from showing up. No one is a fan of overpopulation; it would just ruin the allure of the town. Whenever a brave young buck ventured forth to vanquish the evil, they would eventually find the town, and be so intrigued by it that they would agree to the terms and stay. The other option would be for them to be publicly hanged, but luckily that option has never even had to be presented. It really is the cola that keeps people in that town. I know all of this because my great uncle lives in said town and once smuggled me out a can. I don’t know what it is exactly that makes the cola special, but there is something in it. Unfortunately I could not read the ingredients, or anything on the can for that manner. There is a picture of a telephone, and I am shocked that such a small town in the mountains, that is trying to remain hidden, would advertise a phone number. It is a delicious cola though. At first it tastes like a high quality standard cola, but the more you drink, the more you notice a little something extra that makes it smooth with a little extra taste and it’s great.
I just tried to research the language on the can to find out the ingredients, and you know what? My uncle is a big fat liar. There are no rumors of evil in Uludag, it’s just a mountain in Turkey where a pop factory is. I feel like an idiot, but at least I know I can score more of this cola.
- Country
- Turkey
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper 3 weeks, 5 days ago
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Mendocino Mineral Juice Pepperberry
About a month and a half ago we got together with the guys from Buffalo Eats to do a podcast. While the interview/us being idiots was going on we drank a couple of drinks and did brief “on air” reviews. The podcast just went live yesterday and while I was listening to it I realized that we never wrote a review for Mendoncino for the site. It is a mixture of fresh ground pepper and sweet strawberries that actually has peppercorns floating in it. We had conflicting feelings on it, so here are some quotes from the podcast:
a lunchroom-esque OHHHH*
Derek: “Jason just recoiled in horror after he smelled it”
Mike: “It tastes like strawberries with peppers on it.”
Jason: “Something tastes really, really not…I like the spiciness to it.”
Derek: “It tingles the tongue.”
Donnie: “It smells way worse than it tastes.”
Mike: “ There’s like vinegar in this. Is anyone getting that thing where you pour it in your mouth and you breath in it’s choking you?”
Jason: “I’m getting asphyxiation.”
Mike: “Yeah I was going to say, this is auto-erotic.”
Jason: “I assure you there is nothing erotic about this drink.”
Derek: “I’m getting exactly what it says, it’s strawberry and pepper. Just pour black pepper over a strawberry.”
Jason: “Something about it is fermented a little or something.”
Derek: “It’s definitely fermented, not as much as Fentimens though.”
Jason: “Fentimens is delicious though, this is atrocious.”
Mike gave it a two, I gave it a one and Derek gave it a three, so by the law of averages it is getting a two-bottle review.
To listen to the full podcast go here. The review of this drink can be found from 45:30-48:45.
- Country
- United States
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 4/12/2012
Qizil Quyu Fizzy Drink Armud
The fine folks of Azerbaijan have dreams, big dreams. In case you didn’t know it Azerbaijan is a country in Eurasia that borders Armenia. If you didn’t know that you certainly did not know of the countries collective love of all things bubblegum. The people of Azerbaijan dream of a world where all things have a bubblegum flavored equivalent: ice cream, steak, asparagus and even sugar. They have come close to their goal. In fact just recently that have perfected a bubblegum flavored pickle that I’m told will knock your socks off.
Now that their goal is nearly achieved they have decided to up the ante a bit. They now want different flavors mixed with the classic bubblegum flavor to give people options. You know that classic Azerbaijan saying, “Life is all about options. Without them people are no better than a tortoise.” Well they take that very serious, so their scientists have been hard at work at splicing flavors. So far they have perfected the coupling of bubblegum with mint, cantaloupe, cardamom and the often sought after artichoke. Rumors have it that recently the scientists have set their sights on the flavor of pear, you know apple’s bastard cousin. I believe what I hold in my hand here is a concentrate of the pear bubblegum flavoring. I say that because the flavor is so strong and sweet that to think it was an actual beverage blows my mind grapes. I hadn’t even twisted the cap off all the way before the entire room I was sitting in suddenly smelled incredibly strongly of pears. It is strange because once you get the cap off and smell the liquid directly it smells more of bubblegum than pear, but it’s still detectable. The flavor is that of the strongest cola champagne I have ever tasted with slight undertones of pear. I guess it’s true what people say that the people of Azerbaijan love their bubblegum flavor, but sometimes like a pinch of something else. Had I not known the history of this fine country I would have not expected this beverage to taste like this at all. I would have expected simply nothing but sparkling pear juice. That is why you must learn the history of the world, so that bubblegum flavored drinks don’t sneak up on you.
- Website
- http://ayan-az.com/
- Country
- Azerbaijan
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 3/29/2012
- Comments
- 1 Comment. Leave a comment.
Ichitan Double Drink Butterfly Pea + Berry
I’m glad I cornered you here in this elevator. I bet if we weren’t both professionals this would seem really creepy. You know, a guy chasing another guy from the parking lot into a building, and then just narrowly making it into the elevator before the doors closed. If this was a movie I bet I would kill you shortly. Oh don’t worry, this isn’t a movie and I’m not going to kill you. Or am I? No I’m just joshin’ ya.
The reason I wanted to talk to you was because I have a great idea for an episode of your show. No, no please let me finish before you say a word. Okay I know you go into a lot more technical stuff on the show, but I have an idea to do a show about a drink. A specific drink at that: Ichitan’s Double Drink. I know you’ve heard of it because it’s one of the most popular drinks in Taiwan and I know you’re a worldly man. Here’s the breakdown. First you take some nice pale dry ginger ale and shake the crap out of it for a good twenty minutes. Then you open it over a barrel and let the now uncarbonated soda pour in. Secondly, you take a container of plain aloe juice and filter out all of the chunks. The liquid gets poured into the barrel, and I don’t care what you do with the chunks. Maybe play pranks with them. Finally you take the contents that are in the barrel and add a buttload of electrolytes so that it has that specific aftertaste that the Rain line of Gatorade has. Shake it all up and put in a bottle to be sold. It’s delicious I tell you. I know they throw some berries on the label, but that’s just for show.
Oh, I don’t work for the company. I just love the drink, and this is how I’ve recreated it at home. Wait….what? You don’t work for How Stuff Works? You’re actually just a janitor? Well why did you let me waste my time you jerk. I’m getting you fired and possibly arrested for impersonating an executive. Prepare to meet your cell you worthless liar!
- Website
- http://www.ichitandrink.com
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 2/17/2012
GMP Asparagus Juice
Derek’s daddy brought this back with him from Korea. It’s been sitting in my fridge for months, waiting for the perfect time to review it. Apparently the perfect time was never going to arrive so I grabbed it on my way out the door to a Thirsty Dudes meet up yesterday. I mean is there ever a perfect time to down a can of asparagus juice? Maybe at a family holiday party, but in my world the real stuff is there, so I don’t need juice.
At Mike’s house we all laughed at the comically out of proportion can on the label. The woman looks so excited to be hanging out on the beach with an obscene amount of asparagus juice. Maybe that’s where I went wrong. Perhaps this drink was solely for enjoyment at the beach. You can’t argue with that smile. Once our laughter subsided I positioned myself over the sink as I was 90% sure I was going to instantly spit it back out. I cracked open the can and took a sniff. I really had expected this to smell like your pee after you eat a bunch of asparagus. I understand that is completely revolting, but that’s how my brain works. Instead of weird pee the liquid in the can smelled like metallic soup. More specifically like spicy vegetable soup that was stored in old tin cans that some kid unearthed while digging in his back yard looking for dinosaur bones. I took as sip and surprisingly was able to swallow. It tasted exactly like it smelled. It was better than I expected, but not as good as I secretly hoped. It tastes absolutely nothing like asparagus, just weird old soup. Imagine if this tasted exactly like a nice lightly salty asparagus that had been sautéed in an obscene amount of garlic. That would be delicious. Instead I get old soup, and no one wants to drink that. Everyone had a sip or two and then the rest went down the drain, where it belongs.
- Country
- Korea
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Juice
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 2/3/2012
Uni-President White Gourd Tea
I knew that soursop had another name, and I like soursop. It's nice and fruity. I had it in my mind grapes that white gourd was soursop under a different name. I sat down ready to enjoy a nice fruit blast. I didn't get that. I didn't get that at all. Instead I got a mouthful of "cereal tea." My ladyfriend says it tastes like the Japanese dessert mochi. She's right it does, and I don't like those either.
You can take a sip of this and hold it in your mouth for as long as you can hold your breath, and all you will taste is a weak sweet tea. The moment you swallow and breathe it's all cereal and rice. The fact that this comes in a juice box is mind bottling. Maybe children in Taiwan are just accustomed to this flavor. If you gave this to Joe-Schmoe elementary school student I bet they would slap you in your face. I wouldn't blame them. Now I really wish I had some soursop.
- Website
- http://www.uni-president.com/
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 12/27/2011
Coca-Cola Vanilla
You've had it before, you have forgotten about it, and for that, you should kick yourself because Vanilla Coke is as good as it ever was. The same as it ever was. The same as it ever was. This can, unlike cans that Americans buy, is from Thailand. Derek's daddy got it for us. Sure, on one side it says "Coca-Cola" in English, and "vanilla" in a sweet, 80's font, but everyone knows what that looks like. The other side is the money shot.
Flavor? I have always loved vanilla coke. I will admit that I haven't bought it in a while, but that's because I find it hard to find in a single can or bottle. I don't need a twelve pack of anything so I just skip right on by that purchase without taking a second glance. I don't know what this is sweetened with, whether it's real sugar or corn syrup, but this can't didn't really stand a chance once I took a drink.
Coke, you are great in many languages. For that, America, Taiwan, and other countries that decided to remain anonymous when I took the poll thank you for your years of dedicated service.
- Website
- http://www.coca-cola.com/
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Soda Pop
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 11/21/2011
Day To Day Bean Milk
Oh man I could really go for some Thai food. Some peanut satay would really hit the spot, specifically in wrap form. That would be delicious. A nice wrap of peanut sauce and tofu. Maybe I'll go a little crazy and get some ginger on it. What do you mean you don't serve satay? I'm sorry. I thought any self respecting hot dog stand would be well stocked in the foods of other cultures. I guess this world just isn't the place I thought it was. It looks like I'll have to go see what that little market next door has.
Hmmm they don't have any prepared foods, but the woman working the counter did recommend this drink to me. I like soy milk so why not. Oh wow this does taste exactly like peanut satay. Actually this is kind of gross. It makes me feel like I was in a horrific car accident and had to get my jaw wired shut, and as a result my jaw has been wired shut, and I need to have all of my foods liquefied. Okay after two sips I can't drink anymore.
Dear Day to Day, I don't know what peanuts have to do with bean milk, but screw you for putting me off peanuts for a little while.
- Country
- Thailand
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Soy
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Jason Draper on 11/21/2011
7 Eleven 7 Select Essence of Chicken
For your viewing pleasure and enjoyment. I have drank and video'd my review for 7 Eleven's very own "Essence of Chicken." Watch the video and let me drink this for you.
- Website
- http://www.7-eleven.com/
- Country
- Taiwan
- Sweetener
- Couldn't Read Ingredients
- Categories
- Other/Weird
- Rating
- Reviewed By
- Mike Literman on 10/19/2011
- Comments
- 2 Comments. Leave a comment.