United States - 4098 Reviews

Move over cocaine. You're so last year and also so 1980s simultaneously. You are no longer the energizing powder powerhouse that you once were. Phix beat you hands down. Allow me to count the ways that Phix is better than cocaine:

1. Legality - Phix you can buy from a store without prescription and no one is going to think twice when you have that and you itch your nose.


2. Flavor - Citron is basically citrus. Lemon and orange, if I had to place it. Maybe a pineapple, but a great overall citrus taste. Cocaine? Oh, sandy gas flavored? Awesome.


3. Side Effects - Lemon breath and energy. Cocaine? Crashes, feening, jail time, bloody noses.


4. Cost - A five pack with cost around $12. It seems like a lot, but it's quite good and works out to be a little over $2. Using $50 as the going rate for a gram of cocaine, that would translate to one pack of around twelve grams costing you around $600.

As you can see Phix is a win-win.

Hangover Joe's sent us a package of these Hangover Recovery Shots. Since none of us here at Thirsty Dudes drink alcohol, we outsourced our review to our friend and cohort Pat Shanahan. Last night was Mohawk Place's (our favorite bar/place for shows in Buffalo) annual Xmas party. Originally Pat was going to wait to get drunk enough to need to drink this, but about halfway through the night he had a change of heart and the PBR flowed like water down his gullet. As you can see from his review he got drunk, fast, and his alter ego "Brocktoon" made an appearance. Here's what he had to say.

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"Sometimes you spend a long evening drinking keg beer at your favorite dive bar. Later, You take a nap on floor. A couple of hours later the bartender gives you a ride home. Nice guy. Fast forward to the morning after. You take a hangover recovery shot. Tastes kinda like generic Smarties. Not too bad. I kind of wish it was bigger. Maybe it helps to relieve the headache, just a little bit, but not too much. Now you have to walk to your friend's house to feed their cat while they are out of town. At least you didn't get arrested, or get anyone pregnant. Merry Xmas." - Pat

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As for a Thirsty Dude's perspective on the taste of this, it tastes like someone mixed an entire package of Kool Aid powder into a shot glass of water. It's sweet, fruity and very strong. I understand where Pat got his Smarties taste. It really tastes like a Kool Aid flavored energy shot. They share a lot of the same ingredients. Actually now that I look at the ingredients of this and a 5 Hour Energy back to back this is pretty much an energy shot with some extra vitamins in it. Makes sense. We wish Pat/Brocktoon a speedy recovery.

The search is complete. We found it. A Cascal that the whole family can enjoy, rather than their skunky, old tasting drink. Here we have a genuine work of art. It's light, fruity, and quite flavorful. Also, it doesn't taste the way a cold to hot to cold to hot to open beer smells. Right away you get some lemongrass, then the tangerine and pineapple dance playfully in your mouth like there's a hootenanny and this is the dirty South circa 1800's. It's got a little fermentation taste, but that is because, number one, it's fermented, and it aids in the intricacies of this drink.

This drink makes me keep faith that there will be more awesomeness to come out of the Cascal laboratory. I've got to hand it to them because their flavor pairings are different than just about every company on the market. They're trying something new and different and this one they got right. Good job team!

It's times like this that I wish we had been more specific when we started Thirsty Dudes. You know, like just pop or just iced tea. That would be a good life, just reviewing iced tea. Nope, we decided to take on the entire non-alcoholic beverage world and because of that choice I sit here now drinking Tampico.

First off, there is no possible way that this started off as a juice. I can only assume they started with a vat of water and added some agents to thicken it up a bit. Then they added a tiny amount of juice concentrate and some artificial flavors. Oh let's not forget the mass amount of corn syrup that was added as well. The result is as much of a juice as Sunny Delight is. It really actually reminds me of a slightly thinner Sunny D, except it's supposed to be mango flavored instead of straight orange. I'll stick with real juice, and dreams of a world where iced tea reigns supreme.

The lemonade + iced tea Monster Rehab has been my favorite energy drink ever since Jay wrote this review. While I tour I came across three new Monster Rehab flavors. I was so excited that I almost forgot to pay for them.

Even though green tea isn't my favorite tea, I decided to try this one first. To my surprise, it doesn't have a strong green tea taste. It's slight, but not prominent. Much like the original Rehab, this is not carbonated and tastes delicious. I'm still partial to the half and half flavor, but this is still worlds better than most energy drinks on the market.

I don't hate Subway. I should let it be known. I enjoy a nice chicken teriyaki sub on honey oat with pepper jack, olive, onions, and banana pepper with their chipotle southwest sauce. That's my sub. I also typically get the Fuze tea and was pretty stoked when they partnered up. Problem is, sometimes the people that work there "forget" to make the tea so I'm stuck with Coke or something. Look, Coke. I don't hate you, but when my mouth wants real brewed tea, it doesn't want cola. Black and white, buddy. Black and white.

Today we, the company, all went to Subway and was greeted by a man, possibly and probably homeless, smoking a cigarette which he generously blew in our face as he exited the restaurant. As I looked around in disgust, the patrons on their lunch break had the same face I had on. Together as one, we all would enjoy subs from that moment on. I got my sub and was greeted not by the typical green tea, but by a new and fully stocked raspberry green tea.

As I gleefully filled my over-sized cup, the culprit smoker came back inside and had a cigarette in his mouth and his hands to his mouth, as if to spark up another one. The guy that cashed me out spent 20% of the time looking at me and essentially blindly scanned my card, told me my points, got me cookies, and handed everything to me while 80% watching that dude...ready to make an executive decision to boot him out of there for lighting up another cigarette.

I left, took one sip, and forgot about everything that had happened because this tea is great. Real nice raspberry flavor, not too sweet, and long lasting flavor. This was a delicious treat that I would be privileged to enjoy for twenty-six, uninterrupted ounces. I would make this a regular purchase if all Subway's had it. You hear me giant conglomerate Subway? Make this a standard until something better comes out. I love it!

I took one sip of this whist driving and instantly closed it up and threw it in the back seat. This is not good by a long shot. It's like the company took every little thing that anybody didn't like about Vitamin Water, then mixed in Splenda for a sweetener and finally dumped some taurine and caffeine in there to give it a slight chemical energy drink taste.

Splenda has to be my least favorite sweetener. I can get by with other artificial "diet" sweeteners, but Splenda is just chalky and terrible beyond belief. This is supposed to be tropical citrus flavored, and I guess that is hidden underneath all of that fake sugar, but it's hard to make it out through the haze.

In Eastern Pennsylvania there is a small, but growing, subculture. They call themselves "Hillbilos." Their entire culture is based around two things; Music that is played on jugs, washbasins and saws that is rapped over and treating every member of the subculture as family. At the center of this group is the band the "Lunatic Miners Unit" or LMU for short. It is not uncommon for followers of this band, and lifestyle to paint their face with dirt and wear over-sized dirty overalls.

For some reason Hillbilos are obsessed with Day's soda. It's a staple of their diet, and for some followers it seems to be the only thing they ingest other than filth. They spray it all over each other at their hoedowns, and it's basically their only means of washing themselves. It's a strange site to behold and their culture seems to be spreading like wildfire throughout the northeast. Soon they will have infected the entire United States.

Yup, this is basically PA's version of Faygo. It's a fairly generic soda that comes in a whole slew of different flavors. It's pop in the carbonated sugar water sense. In this variety the vanilla aspect is fairly similar, and you don't really notice it until you think about what the straight up cherry flavored Day's soda would taste like. It unfortunately suffers from tasting vaguely like cough syrup. The soda companies of the world should really put together a lawsuit against the cough medicine companies. They have certainly ruined a perfectly good flavor for everyone. I really wanted this to be better than it was because the label is incredible looking. As it stands it's pretty average. I guess you shouldn't expect more for $.75 for a 24oz bottle.

Lightly carbonated sugar water. I wanted this to taste like I was drinking an old ladies moisturizing lotion for some reason. When I want something, I want something. I didn't get any lavender at all. Alright, I might have got one from a burp, but that borderline doesn't count. It didn't have that awful bitterness that seltzer has, but it really just tastes like lightly sweetened carbonated water. I can't say anything else. I'm sorry. I wish this was rhubarb.

I got made fun of for buying this drink. I gave the excuse that "I had to review it", but my friends didn't care. They argued that there were plenty of other drinks in the gas station that I hadn't reviewed yet. The real reason why I picked this up is because I was hoping it actually was "wicked sour". I love sour things and have been searching for a good sour drink. Seeing as this is marketed toward kids, I thought it might actually be sour.

Once again I was let down. Squirt is sourer than this "juice". I use juice in quotes because there is no juice in this at all. It's just sugar water. I love sweet things, but I could only get a couple sips of this in before I had to dump the rest. If I had a kid, I would never give them one of these.

This is Harry Potter. No, I did not cast a spell on him and turn him into a bottle of root beer. This is the soda that lived. Allow me to start my story from the beginning.

I was just on tour with my friends' band and we stopped at Galco's Soda Pop Stop in Los Angeles, CA. I had wanted to go there for quite some time so I was very excited to be there. I hand picked a lot of sodas we hadn't reviewed and safely put them in a box in the van. I didn't have as much time on the road to review them as I thought I would, so my plan was to bring them all back to Buffalo. They were traveling great, until we got to Saskatoon.

Saskatoon is a small city in the province of Saskatchewan in the middle of Canada. When we got there, it was zero degrees outside (around -18 Celsius) in early December. The locals told us this was mild for that time of year. Immediately, Saskatoon became a place I will never visit again in the winter. We played the show, and then went to a friend's house to sleep. No one told us of the dangers of leaving a dozen glass soda bottles in the van overnight.

The next morning, we found all of my sodas frozen and the bottles shattered. Obviously, I was really bummed. We drove to a gas station to sadly throw them out. As we were doing so, we found one that wasn't frozen: this bottle of Bedford's Root Beer. I don't know what prevented it from freezing, but I was happy to see at least one survived.

I was expecting it to taste like the best root beer ever. I figured any drink that can withstand those extreme temperatures must be magical. Sadly, it wasn't that awesome. It was a good middle of the road root beer. But if you want a root beer that can withstand freezing temperatures, this is the one.

I've never hated A&W. I mean, it's root beer. It's really hard to hate root beer. Who also doesn't love aged vanilla? I actually don't know the taste difference between new, crisp vanilla and old, moldy vanilla. I do know that this is a smooth, lil' can of root beer that I would drink again. I enjoy these short stack cans and I enjoy slamming one without thinking twice about a calorie count.

This tastes like a slightly dark root beer and you can taste the vanilla. I don't know where Dan got this, but now that I've drank it, I'll probably see it everywhere like when you buy a car no one else owns and then, all of a sudden, everyone has one.

Editor Dan saw this and bought it for us. I was lucky enough to have won it in the raffle when we all got together. I am happy I won. I am happy that it was good. A&W should be happy that they did so well in this review. I have nothing bad to say about it. Real sugar would have gotten you a five in my book.

For the vision of a low calorie drink Cherry Republic has chosen to put a drawing of an orchard of cherry trees picked bear. I really don't get it. The regular version of it has a bear reaching for a tree branch in full bloom. I think they may be hinting that drinking diet soda that has artificial sweeteners is similar to the dead cold winter.

I am not a fan of saccharine or aspartame at all, but I have to hand it to Cherry Republic, you can sure taste a quality soda underneath that fake sweetness. There is a delicious cherry cream soda that is being suppressed by an army of little grains of gross sweetener. You can actually taste the real cherry juice in here, which is something that doesn't normally happen (if ever) with a diet soda. I can only imagine that if you were used to drinking diet pop that this would be a holy grail of sorts.

On a side note, these come in reusable bottles. Not just recyclable, but reusable. If you return it to its point of origin they will wash it out and refill it for future use. Now that is something I can totally get behind.

With Xmas rapidly approaching little Bobby grew more nervous by the second. While other kids his age were ecstatic about all the presents that were about to be gifted upon them, Bobby suffered from a deep-set fear of his family dinner on the 25th of December. It wasn't that his family was crazy (they were), or that they were prone to squabble over the most trivial of things (they would). His nausea stemmed from the fact that he knew that he would not be able to leave the table until he finished all of his cranberry sauce: the quivering gelatinous mound of bitterly sweet garbage that passed as food only on holidays. Last year he sat at the table until 2:30 on the morning before he was able to get it all down. Ugh. In order to better acclimate himself with the taste of this garbage he had begun drinking a class of cranberry juice every day. Each 24-hour period would result in him sneaking a tiny glass from his mom's stash and forcing it down his throat. After a couple of days he was actually okay with it. It had a weird taste but once he got used to it, he even liked it a little. One would think that he would be ready for the big day, but he knew in his heart of hearts that a glass of Ocean Spray was in reality no comparison to the maroon mound that would be set before him.

His aunt was visiting a couple of days before the holiday to help his mom set everything up. She was the cool aunt. You know the kind that doesn't have any kids of her own. They listen to cool music, maybe have a piercing or two. That was aunt Jeanie. She could sense something was up with Bobby, so she cornered him and asked what was up. He told her his fear, and she said not to worry and that they were going for a little adventure. They jumped in her crappy car covered in stickers of bands that no one who wasn't a teenager during the 90's even remembered and drove to Whole Foods. She didn't say a word, and only bought a single bottle of soda. She poured it into an old Taco Bell cup and handed it to Bobby and told him to drink up. He loved it! It was amazing! It was sweet, fruity and nicely carbonated. After his praise slowed down, Aunt Jeanie showed him the bottle. It was Kristall Cranberry soda. She then told him to take another sip and think of the cranberry sauce they were going to be eating in a few days time. Didn't it taste exactly the same, except with some bubbles? As much as he wanted to deny this claim Bobby looked up to his aunt too much to lie to her. She had him this did taste like cranberry sauce, but how was this good and the sauce like a "festering bowl of dog snot?" She told him to just close his eyes and think of this pop when he was eating his dinner. That's just what he did, and you know what? It was still completely disgusting. Bobby realized the problem with cranberry sauce wasn't the flavor. It was that godforsaken texture. He managed to scarf it down by 10PM that night, but he really couldn't wait until he was old enough to prepare his own plate of food on Xmas so he could skip it altogether.

Wh...Where am I? Why am I wearing this suit? Why does this suit have shoulder pads?

I sentence you...

Hold on a minute. Aren't you Judge Wapner?

That's right son, the one and only.

Holy crap! Am I on The Peoples' Court?

Yes, I have brought you back to 1984 to punish you for your wrongdoings. I would also have to ask you to watch your mouth on national television.

I'm sorry. Wait...wrongdoings? What did I do?

It says here that you are from West Virginia. Is that correct?

Yes it is, your honor.

It also says that in 1975, you put a Pembroke Welsh Corgi in a baby carriage. Is that correct?

Wait...what? 1975? That was thirty-six years ago. I have no idea. I would have been like six years old.

It's a simple question, sir. Did you, regardless of year, place a dog in a carriage? Yes or no?

I suppose, when I was a child, I may have, at one point in time, put a dog in a baby carriage, yes.

Well sir, in the state of West Virginia, you may only place a baby in a baby carriage and nothing else. Since you have admitted guilt, I will go easy on you. As I was saying when you woke up from time travel, I sentence you to drink my root beer!

Oh, come on! That's not...wait...drink root beer?

That's right. Drinking my root beer is your harsh punishment for such a heinous crime.

Oh, well. I suppose I could do that. Can I go back to my house in 2011 once I'm done with this bottle of root beer?

Yes, I have the lever right here that will send you home. All you have to do is drink this entire bottle of root beer.

Fair enough. Here goes. It's not that bad, Judge. It's herby, kind of a medium-dark root beer. It tastes home brewed. Did you brew this yourself?

Yes, son. I did. Do you like it?

I do, actually. Can I get this in 2011? If so, I might just periodically pick one up.

Son, you have earned a parole. I will cut your sentence in half. You only need to drink half that bottle and then you can go home.

Oh, awesome. Well you can pull that lever. I'm already over half way done. If you don't mind, I'd like to finish this when I wake up from my time travel slumber.

That's fine. Stand on that box and I will send you back. As soon as I bang this gavel, and simultaneously pull this switch, you will be sent back to your time. Thank you for spending time with us, doing your time like a responsible adult, and enjoying my root beer.

You're welcome, Judge. It's been a pleasure. Thank you.

Ronald Washington Knudsen was a soda fiend, or so the tale goes. The boy drank soda until his teeth began to rot. They literally fell right out of his head. Just turned black, full of holes and plop there they are sitting delicately on his tongue (just typing that makes me want to throw up). With all of his natural teeth rotted away the dentist/barber of the times gave him some dentures. They were made of wood though and if Ronald drank anything too sugary they would simply begin to dissolve. As a result he started carbonating some straight up fruit juice so that he could still drink bubbly beverages. He had some up and some downs with his experiments. One thing that cannot be disputed is that he struck gold with his sparkling apple cider. He took a wholesome down home Western New York style cider and simply added carbonation. It was a little strong and he feared for his wooden teeth so he added just a touch of water to even it out. The result was perfection in liquid form. Folks around his area were known to drink whole bottles at a time, even though he claimed each bottle was three servings. There were happy taste buds, happy stomachs, happy drinkers and most importantly happy teeth. It was a Christmas miracle.

Grandma, thanks a lot for inviting me and Bobby over for dinner. It was very nice of you. I know your eyesight isn't that great anymore so if there is anything I can do to help, let me know. Yeah, I can carry this turkey in the other room. What else? Scalloped potatoes? You've got it. Bobby, can you get the carrots and the peas?

Yeah, dude. I love corn, too. I don't know why she didn't make any. She wasted the time to make lima beans and that time would have been better spent making corn. I might just do it. Man, I love corn. I saw this weird thing on her counter. Did you see it? Do you know what I'm talking about? It was in a bit pitcher. It was purple and had little seeds in it. I don't know what she did there. I hope that her eyes didn't deceive her when she was making something and she mixed a whole bunch of stuff together like we used to and then dared each other to drink it.

What was that grandma? Yeah, I'll have something to drink. Whatever is fine. So Bobby, what do you want to do after this? Do you want to play that new Sonic game? It looks awesome. Oh no. Dude. She's...oh no. Thanks grandma. Dude, she brought us two heaping glasses of that stuff. What is this, Bobby? Hey, grandma? What is this? It smells good but it looks kind of weird. Oh, just drink it and we'll like it? Well, can't say you aren't anything less than a wonderful salesman...er...saleswoman. Sales lady? Dude, we've got to drink this. It's grandma. I'll go first because I'm older.

Oh that's strange. It's actually good, Bob. It's like raspberry Jell-O. Why anyone would want to drink that I don't have any idea, but it's there and she made it and we've got to drink it. What are those seeds? You can't taste them, but they're there. Grandma? What are the seeds in this drink? Chia Seeds? Like the same things that are used in Chia Pets? Why would you put it in a drink? Oh, for your B.M.'s. Fantastic, that should make the rest of this dinner, which I have a giant, untouched plate of, taste delicious.

Well Bobby...prepare for a strange dinner, great tasting but oddly textured drinks, and award winning poops later, brother. I call the bathroom first.

This root beer has one of my favorite labels ever. It's simple and classic looking. I would expect it to be the design on a wine bottle, and as we all know wine labels are generally the coolest looking of all drinks (even though they smell like literal death). That little guy is so excited to crack open his root beer. Perhaps there was an amendment to the constitution or some such thing and they are have a little celebratory party. Sure they have plenty of alcohol, but Chowning has had this special bottle of root beer put away, and he's been dying to bust it out. Seriously imagine how strong a root beer would have to be back then, especially one that is stopped with a cork (I'm sure all root beer was cork stopped back then).

The label also talks about boiling down roots and other ingredients to make a quality root beer. Mike and I tried making root beer like that once. We boiled it all down and it tasted pretty fantastic. Something went wrong in the carbonation though and an army of yeast soldiers invaded my mouth and I realized our wonderful brew was ruined. I'm guessing Old Dominion didn't really boil this down, as two of the ingredients are "root beer extract #214" and "root beer extract #79-400." I don't know what those numbers mean, but I'd love to find out. There is yucca, and vanilla in here though as well as honey for a sweetener (something that will always get a thumbs up from me). The blend tastes somewhere in the middle of a decent "root beer syrup" and a quality brewed from scratch soda. The first couple of sips were a bit disappointing, but the closer I got to the bottom of the bottle the stronger it became. I guess there was some settling of the ingredients.

While this may not 100% be an old boiled/brewed root beer from colonial times, it still beats most other brands that are commonly found. I'm sure everyone at the party enjoyed it quite a lot, while Chowning silently sulked, for he knew the greatness that it came so close to being.

This is the FUBU of the beverage world. You could say that this is "for us, by us" but only if you were an athlete. Unless the great congregation of sports aficionados accepts air hockey as a true sport, this drink was not made for me. I don't care I'm going to drink it anyways. What are they going to do, send the sports police after me?

This is one of the best sports drinks I've ever had. It's all-natural and it shows in the flavor. I tend to enjoy sports drinks, but I believe this may be the first one that I've ever tasted that actually has real fruit juice in it. They claim it's for color, but I've never had another drink taste so much like grapes (slightly watered down mind you) that wasn't actual grape juice. The flavor is strong, but only to a point. It still distinctly tastes like a sports drink, but in a fruitier way.

I really hope this catches on and they get a better distribution deal. I would love to be able to pick these up at gas stations instead of their competitors.

'Round these parts, we call it "Spicy Water." That's the water you make with your carbonation machine and just don't add flavor. I'm talking about that pop machine that looks like a penguin that makes pop for you when you want it in cool, 1 liter bottles. My girlfriend always gets "soda water with lemon" which is just carbonated water. It's strange though. I drink water all of the day and enjoy it but once it's carbonated, it gets a bit of a gnarly taste to it. She loves the stuff. I don't know what her problem is. I sneak sips periodically and find it quite vile.

I knew what I was in for when I tried this and was actually proven a little bit wrong. It's got that strange bitterness or whatever goes on inside carbonated water, but the pomegranate taste is great. This is actually a drink that has no sugar or carbs or anything, tastes fruity, and for some might be quenching. I made a little face after every sip, but, as previously mentioned, I don't fancy “fancy water.” I do like flavored waters, which would basically be this sans "spice" but this is a world apart from a drink like Hint or equivalent.

When my mom reads this, she's going to be sore at me because she loves seltzer water, too. Seltzer water used to only be used for clowns but now it's used for clowns and moms. I'm not going to draw any lines comparing the two, but you can.