Jason Draper - 2709 Reviews

I wasn't planning on drinking this yet. I was going to let it chill in the fridge for a while and maybe in a couple of days I would crack it open. As it turns out as I was about to put it into a fridge I dropped it and caused a leak. Call me Mr. Butterfingers. At least it was just a pinhole in a Gatorade can and not blood spurting everywhere due to clumsiness. Forced drinking of beverages here we come!

Derek denies it, but I've always thought that the name Thirsty Dudes came from the Mitch Hedberg joke about this very product. To paraphrase you don't have to be all sweaty from playing basketball to enjoy Gatorade. You can just be a Thirsty Dude. To be honest though I never think of drinking a Gatorade unless I'm playing some sort of sport and even then it's rarely what I reach for.

When I was younger I drank it all the time. Then other companies started popping up doing the same general idea but better. Gatorade always seemed so thick and syrupy to me. I don't know if they just changed branding or if they changed the ingredients, but this isn't as bad as I remember. The flavor is somewhere in the middle between orange juice and orange drink. It's also seems way thinner. It's not something that I think I would ever purchase on my own, but if someone offered it to me I wouldn't deny it.

This little guy here has been hiding from me. He got lost in the back of my drink cabinet and I forgot he existed. Now that I'm drinking it I wish that it were way bigger so that A It wouldn't have gotten lost and B That I had more to drink because it's fantastic. It's apple juice how it should be done (when it's from concentrate). It's not overly sweet or sour. It rides a nice line in the middle. If it were the olden times this apple juice would be able to roll that metal circle with a stick in a straight line all day long.

I have been saving this one for a while. Every time I open up my drink drawer in my fridge it's there staring up at me saying, "This is not the time." Today the voice that is proof that I am completely insane did not whisper in my mind. I knew the day had finally come to drink the last of my Bai.

I was expecting this to be the king of all Bai. Strawberry juice is incredible on it's own, and my history with Bai has been nothing if not stellar. After my first sip I knew that Tanzania Strawberry was the ruler of nothing. It's not bad in any way, but it didn't come anywhere near the idea I had of it in my head. The other flavors have been insanely strong tasting just like the fruit that was in the name. I was expecting this to taste like fresh strawberries with sugar lightly sprinkled on top. What I got was more pomegranate than anything. As it turns out there is more pomegranate juice in this than strawberry juice. The strawberry peaks through more in the aftertaste. If this was labeled as a pomegranate juice it would have gotten higher marks. Seeing at they marketed it as strawberry it only gets three bottles due to disappointment.

Today is the first day of summer. If nothing else that means that lemonade season is upon us. The days are hot and sticky. Even sitting still sweat pours down your face. Everyone hates and loves it in equal amounts. Water and soda just won't cut it. You need something that gets down to the heart of the matter for pure unadulterated refreshment. You really only have two options a Slurpie from 711 or lemonade. Since Slurpies aren't always available lemonade wins out almost every time.

Honest knows how to quench a thirst. They also know that there are a lot of people watching their weight and sugar intake. Being the smart people they are they also know that artificial sweeteners are beyond gross. They like to keep it natural, so they went with stevia.

I just got home from work. I'm completely drenched with sweat, and I need to get ready so that I can meet up with the other Thirsty Dudes for tacos. I still took the time to sit back relax and enjoy this lemonade. It has a very natural lemon taste, but with the cold bite of stevia. You can't win 100% with diet, but stevia is the sweetener that will get you the highest percentage possible. Sit back enjoy and for goodness sake slather on some sunscreen. We don't want you looking like a lobster.

Grocery stores are magical places. Whenever I'm out of town I love checking out different stores and when I'm bored I sometimes wander around my local Wegmans. There is something very comforting about it. You're surrounded by food and rad drinks. There are also people everywhere, but they rarely if ever bother you. Whenever I'm there I feel like I'm a part of some sort of enjoyable social experiment.

In all of my times in Wegmans, with all the times that I check the various drink aisles to see if there is anything new, I rarely check the cold juice section. I hardly ever see anything new there, and I really just don't buy larger sized beverages all that often. Recently my lady friend wanted to get some orange juice so we went to said section of the store. Earth Wise instantly caught my eye. In a sea of predominately white packages the green really stood out. I was happily surprised to find that it was a 100% fruit punch of sorts. Juice with no sugar added is a juice that I would like to be friends with. I'm a sucker for blackberries so out of the three flavors they had I chose this one. It's a blend of apple, cranberry and blackberry juice. While it's in your mouth it mainly has an apple taste with a hint of berry. When you swallow the cranberry kicks in and it has the aftertaste of a nice cranapple. The great thing about it is that the cranberry isn't completely overpowering like it tends to be in most juices.

Looks like that juice cooler will be getting more of my attention on future wanderings.

I wrote a long drawn out review for this, and then I hit the wrong button and lost it all. It was pure, complete annoyance. To be honest I don't even remember what I wrote and I don't want to write it all again. Here's the gist of it:

A) Tallboys are awesome. When you're younger it's rad to get so much beverage for so cheap. When you're older and don't want so much sugar, they are great for sharing.

B) I thought this was an iced tea until I opened it. I was wrong. I didn't even know Tradewinds made juice.

C) I drank this at work today. I work in a tiny room with a conveyor dryer that gets up to 400 degrees. I was dripping sweat and parched. This gave me instant refreshment.

D) Even thought this only has 5% juice in it, it tastes exactly like a blend of mango and apple juices. Normally a higher percentage of juice is what I look for, but it really tasted great, so I didn't mind.

E) You can almost feel the grittiness of the sugar in this. Normally that would be a turn off, but it really worked in this drink.

I hope I don't mess this up again.

Guys, I'm terrified. Some day soon I will awake to find that my hair has turned bone white, my bran intake will have skyrocketed and a cane will have become my best friend. It is the only future I can currently imagine. I'm obviously turning into an old man. The proof is in my ever-increasing love of unsweetened teas and dry sodas.

Who needs all of that sugar and a lingering syrupy sweetness? I certainly don't, especially after the obscene amount of it I've consumed over the last week and a half. None of it is contained in this bottle. It's not the driest I've ever had, but it's on its way there, to the extent that an aftertaste is nonexistent. The blood orange flavor has a great presence. I think it got it's name because it slayed all other oranges in a Thunderdome type scenario.

It's a great sipping soda that you don't have to feel terrible about yourself for drinking. I will happily drink it and wait for the day my senior discounts kick in. It will only go downhill when I break a hip and need to start wearing diapers. Will you take care of me then?

Tonight was my last night on the Night Birds tour. It's been nothing but incredible. The thing is that my sugar intake via beverage has been astronomical. Soda after soda has been poured down my throat. After the show we stopped by a gas station and all I wanted was a nice clean crisp bottle of water. Then this little gem caught my eye. Thank you Lipton for your Pureleaf line. It's so much better than your garbage Brisk. Tonight an unsweetened tea was exactly what I needed. This is a little weaker than a lot of unsweetened teas, and I'm fine with that. Sometimes the bitterness can be a bit much, but this is great.

Last night at about 3am someone in the apartment I was staying at started blasting Madonna. Let's get something straight; the first couple of Madonna albums are incredible. They are some of the finest pop records I've ever heard. The thing is that no one wants to hear any music played that loud when all they want to do is sleep. Why do I bring this up? I'm glad you asked. I think that the song Borderline may have been written about this tea (well what she wants this drink to do). Unfortunately it never falls either way. It just keeps riding the fence. It tastes like pink grapefruit, but in kind of a fake way. With each sip I expect it to suddenly turn amazing or terrible, but it's just stuck in the middle. I really want the grapefruit to be stronger then I would be on a "Holiday."

Little known fact, but in Brewster's Millions there is a cut scene where Richard Pryer realizes that he still has one dollar left after the party. With seconds to spare he runs to the store and purchases a bottle of grape soda. An argument then ensues about whether the deposit counts as spending since he can get it back afterwards. Mr. Pryer then throws a right hook and yells "Deposit this!" The movie then cuts to the ending that everyone knows.

This is the grape soda he bought. The packaging was changed after the movie came out to celebrate it. Since the movie is now ancient, and most people who now drink soda have never even heard about it, drinkers are left scratching their heads about the name.

The soda may be good, but certainly not a million dollars worth of good. It's sweet and candy-like as most grape sodas are. The difference is the cane sugar doesn't leave such a sickly sweet aftertaste. I swear I can taste a hint of real grape that you don't get with most grape sodas. Now that I think about it, it was really good, maybe $5000 worth of good.

I think Albert Einstein may be responsible for the "Arnold Palmer" because obviously a genius is behind it. I refuse to believe that a golfer had the intellect to produce such a great drink. Wow that sounded harsh. I have nothing against golf. It's boring to watch, but I bet I would really enjoy playing. So maybe Mr. Palmer did don an Einstein wig, go to his lab (aka his kitchen) and mix up a batch of wonderful.

I was aware that Calypso knew what they were doing with lemonades, but I didn't know they had such a firm grasp on tea until I tried the Teamonade line. This is one of the finest half and halfs I've ever tasted. Both flavors blend together great and while it is sweet, I don't feel like I'm instantly getting a cavity with every sip.

Perhaps this will make me give golf a fair shake. If I do I'll have to be sure I have a bottle of this out on the greens with me.

I've been on tour with Night Birds for a while now playing the roll of merch pusher. There are low times at the old merch table where boredom sets in. That is when I sit back and enjoy a nice frosty beverage. That is until some mutant shows up, having no interest in anything we're selling. They recognize that I am in a position where I have to stay at the table, making me an open ear to listen to any sort of insanity they choose to spout out of their food hole. Sometimes it's entertaining, but most of the time they are annoying and occasionally they truly creep me out. Today while an individual attacked me with his insights on The Beatles and the superiority of Domino's pizza, I told him I had to end the conversation in order to attend a date with a bottle of fruity soda. He looked at me dumbfounded as I turned around and popped the cap off this bottle of neon sugar water.

The pop was better than the conversation, but not much more interesting. I taste neither kiwi nor strawberries. It's a fruity sugar mixture. It's tasty but I can't place an exact flavor.

I've been drinking this soda and writing the review and crazy dude is still standing here waiting for me to finish. Now he wants me to touch his finger. Glorious.

Mint is a tricky game. When done right it can make you feel like you're the king of Refreshmentville. Just the slightest thing off can leave you feeling like you just popped a fresh stick of gum in your mouth before each sip. I find that the lime in mojitos seems to neutralize the mint a bit. Sadly I don't think it worked in this tea. It's a bit gum-ish for my liking, but the lime is also pretty strong. This is the first mojito that I've tasted that I didn't want to force everyone around me to drink.

Big bear. Big bear chase me. Big bear chase me until I buy his soda. I wasn't planning on buying this due to the plastic bottle and HFCS. I was told that it was really awesome and was pressured into it. I'm glad things happened that way. It's much better than other root beers in the same category. Black Bear is an accurate name because it tastes really dark. It's the closest I've ever had a "regular" pop come to tasting like a microbrew. I bet it would have calmed John Candy down after that bear chased him.

As I type this I am watching the Phil Spector documentary. As each minute passes he seems to become more and more insane. I also believe one of his parents may have been a fish, due to his facial features. He really doesn't even look human anymore.

None of that has anything to do with this soda, but wow is that dude crazy. This pop not so crazy, but it's really good. It's not often that you come across a cane sugar sweetened cream soda, especially a red one. When something like that comes along you hold on to it. You sip it slow and savor the sweet cream flavor. This has a great balance between sweet and vanilla. They apparently listened to Dave Gahan and "got the balance right."

If you're ever in southern Illinois you should search this out. A high quality local soda is something I can get behind.

It's so hot and humid. Being down in those mines isn't much better. Sure it's cooler, but the air is stale and I can't shake this cough that's come over me. Why on Earth did I let Cletus talk me into trekking out to California to mine for gold? That sonabitch couldn't even dig a well on his farm back in West Virginia. We've had absolutely no luck out here at all. We're pretty much out of money and food. Cletus keeps going on and on about this root that he found and he won't leave that stupid spring. Man this sun is oppressive. Cletus left that bottle of whatever it is over there. Screw him! I'm drinking it!

Holy crap! This is incredible! I don't know what Cletus did with this, but it's fantastic. It tastes like that root and a little bit of lemon. I shall call this Ginger Ale. It also has the faintest hint of a burn. It's sweet, but nowhere near overbearing. I bet in the future people will make a cheap knockoff of this and steal my name for it, even though it will be nowhere as good.
Cletus, screw this gold rush, let's sell this elixir!

It's always great to be able to sample local drinks when you're visiting other cities. I have to say that when you're in St Louis you should drink Fitz's root beer. It's has a fairly standard flavor. There's nothing fancy about it, but it does have a solid taste. It's in the same vein as your "major label" pops, but of a way higher quality. The use of cane sugar alone makes it superior. It did make my tongue feel slightly numb, but that just makes the drinking experience more exciting.

When I picked this up I really thought it was boner juice. It's called "Sin", it's a "vitality" drink, and the can says, "Embrace the night. Drink in sin." That spells sexual debauchery to a level that Greg Dulli would approve. Turns out it's just a diet energy drink. There is nothing debaucherous about diet. It means the opposite. It tastes like a diet Sprite, with a hint of energy chemicals in it.

I can imagine their advertising campaign now. Obviously Adam and Eve are in it, fig leaves and all. There is a giant snake coming down from a tree with a can of the drink wrapped in its coils tempting the first couple. If it were boner juice it would have gone one way, but since it's an energy drink it would be them all spry and full of energy escaping God's wrath and running away from him before he can kick them out of the garden. Sacrilege? Maybe, but I certainly don't mind.

It's such a nice day out. I'm glad we came out to the old farm to pick some berries. It's a bummer that the strawberries aren't ready yet, but there sure is a ridiculous amount of raspberries out here. Man it's getting hot out and this bucket is getting pretty full. Let's take a break. Why don't we bust open that bubbly water you brought. The cap is stuck? Stop being such a baby and give it here. Oh man that is on their tight. I think it's giving.....oh jeeze I spilled it all over the berries, and dropped the bottle on top of them. Now all the berries are crushed. Why did you have your soda water in a lead bottle anyways? Haven't you ever heard of lead poisoning? Do you like eating paint chips? Well I'm still parched so I'm going to pour some of it from the bucket back into that bottle of yours. It's obviously going to be the death of me. Oh wow the raspberries flavored the soda water. It's pretty awesome. Give me a couple of packets of sugar you have in your pocket. Don't play dumb with me. I saw you take them at the diner. You're going to have so many cavities eating all that sugar. I was right, that was just what this needed. We should probably bottle and sell this stuff. I know it'll only be seasonal, but it's really great. I could drink it all the time. It's much better than those other pops we made. They always seemed to have a weird aftertaste. Oh no! Here comes farmer Johnson with his shotgun. I told you we should have stolen his fruit at night. Run!

I'm on tour with my friend's Night Birds right now. It's been ridiculous and fun. Joe from the band is trying to cut down on soda, and complained about how he hated diet pop. I bought this can of Zevia so he could taste how diet pop could be. Unfortunately he was not a convert. He admitted that it was the best tasting diet cola he ever had, but that it still wasn't good enough for what he needed. Well diet soda isn't for everyone. Looks like he's just going to have to cut down his intake.

To me this doesn't taste diet at all. It tastes like a very light flavored generic cola. While that may not sound appealing to most, it is way more appealing than something drenched in aspartame. Well done, Zevia.