Okay soldiers, this is your training for the Great Citrus Army. You will enter here oranges, but many of you will leave as so much more. Some of you will also be rejected and be forced into the concentrate army. No one wants to see that happen, so try your best and show us what you are made of. It is the time to find out if you are a TropiCANa or a TropiCAN'Ta.

Today you will be paired up with the pineapple division. Those of you who are lucky enough to pass this test will end up bleeding along with the respected pineapples and will become an elite force that is greater as a whole then it's individuals. Only the strongest of oranges will make it into this regiment: those of strong flavor, and those who are not afraid to be separated from their pulp. This is a pulpless unit folks, and I don't want to hear any complaints otherwise. Sure we all love a little bit of chunk in out drinks, but that in not what this is about. Also, be warned that there will be no sugar added to this unit, so you will have nowhere to hide. You're flavors will be laid bare.

You oranges will be at the forefront fighting bravely so that the few pineapples can sneak behind enemy lines to unleash their flavor. It is never too strong, but it's there enough to let the enemy know who is boss. They have even enlisted to help of a lone peach to aid them in the advancement of their flavor.

This is what we've been fighting for soldiers, so let's show them what we're made of. To Morning and Beyond!

I occasionally, well...more than occasionally get behind in my drinks and start "taking from the front." Anyone who has ever restocked shelves knows that is a no-no. Yogurt is expiring, milk is curdling, children are crying because of the results of my actions. Jay came over and set me straight by spending ten minutes in my back room, pulling out all my old stock, organizing my current back stock, stealing a couple drinks for himself, and being a generally great dude as per usual.

Among the old stock was this drink, which I had no idea I had. A chocolate cola: can you imagine? It's two great inventions in one bottle, ready for my drinking pleasure. Forgotten like it never happened. Poor, dusty bottle. I took everything Jay said needed to be reviewed due to companies sending it to us or expiration date to work and here we are, finally, after all these cold nights alone, together at last. Two objects, looking deep into each other's eyes, wanting each other. Desire. I took off the bottle's top lustfully only to be delivered with what I can only describe in the current context as "me doing most of the work." You feel me, ladies and gentlemen? It's not a great cola in itself. It's not a great chocolate taste in itself. Together cancels each other out more so leaving me looking to find pleasure elsewhere. It smells like a bowl of Tootsie Pops but it only tastes slightly like chocolate. The cola is non-existent.

While I'm not having actual sex with a bottle of pop, if it were good enough, I might at least think about it. This is a regrettable one night stand who is nice outside of the bedroom. She smells good, is a great person to talk to, but you should have never taken it further than that.

This isn't Brisk, it's not PureLeaf and it certainly isn't their 100% natural line. What we have here is just plain old Lipton lemon iced tea. I actually don't think I have ever even seen this before until this bottle made its way into my grubby little hands (okay my hands are actually quite large, which is awkward since my ladyfriend's hands are tiny. I don't suggest this combo).

This doesn't taste all that different from their Brisk line. If anything it tastes like it's homemade from some powdered tea mix. Man, I haven't had that stuff in at least 15 years. I used to get it and make insanely strong/sweet tea that I would always have in my backpack. I bet I couldn't even get a gulp of that stuff down nowadays. This tastes like what that tea would have tasted like had I followed the directions. It's not bad. It's just average. It's like what you would expect to get if they had tea on tap at Applebees or some garbage place like that. Ugh, those restaurants are the worst.

I decided I need/want to get into better shape. I'm not going to lie, I'm a chubby dude. I can only blame the beverages from this site so much (seeing as both the other 'dudes' have reviewed much more than me and still weigh much less than me). And no, this is not a "new years resolution" because I joined a gym 2 months before New Years. I just decided today to start getting serious about it.

I did yoga for the first time in a while today and I came to the conclusion that I need something better than pajamas to work out in. So after dinner today, Jenna and I went to Old Navy because I had a gift card from X-mas. I proceeded to purchase 2 different kinds of workout pants and a pair of mesh shorts to workout in.

Did you know Old Navy sells drinks? I've passed by the cooler several times but have never given it more than a half glance. Today they had a decent selection of Jones soda and I had never seen this one so I grabbed it without thinking on the way to the counter. I guess that's how they get you.

Like I expected, this is basically a cream soda with a strong vanilla taste. Even though I'm pretty used to diet soda fake sugars, this has a chemically aftertaste that I don't like. So close Jones, so close.

I'll tell you something. I have never seen a mangosteen and if you ask me if it's a "real fruit," I couldn't tell you. Sure there is a convincing picture of it on the front of this can but it kind of looks like someone took an orange, colored it pink, and opened it from the top like an idiot. No one talks about it as "their favorite fruit" but I can at least see why it's called "mangosteen" because someone is terribly unoriginal and decided to integrate the word "mango" with a possibly made up fruit that tastes like a mango. Darwinian theory makes me wonder how this fruit exists. We have mangoes and they are pretty good but then this guy comes along and tastes like it but do we really need more of the same thing? One or the other friends and scientists and scientist friends. You make a drink like this which is possibly at it's core of what this tastes like as the ingredients are what you would hope and expect; water, mangosteen puree, and cane sugar. How much better could it get? Oh, I don't know. Use a real fruit? I'm skeptical of this guy and I have my eyes on it. Don't lie to me fruit.

I've got a special friend coming over later and I have everything just right to set the mood. I have dinner in the oven, I have the lights slightly dimmed, and I got a little boss nova beat playing in the background. I even went as far as to get this juice to accompany the music. Things need to be just right to make this a magical evening. I hope that this juice not being the greatest doesn't throw off the vibes I'm trying to throw out there. I was hoping for it to be heavier on the blueberry side than the acai, but we don't always get what we hope for. It certainly starts off with a nice strong blueberry taste, but then about a half a second late you are punched in the tongue by acai. No lie every single sip it happens. Acai is just such a strong taste that I know is hard to overcome. Using it is worth it though due to its health benefits. If you hate the flavor of said fruit, like I know a lot of people do, I would stay away from this juice. I mean what would you be doing buying an acai juice if you know you're going to hate it anyways.

Oh there's the doorbell. Mike is finally here. What? No I wasn't preparing for sexy times. Mike is bringing over his drum machine and new keyboard and we're going to write some songs. Why would I make tacos for sexy time? WE just decided we've already wrote enough songs about BBQs so it's about time we moved onto tacos…€¦and bossa nova beats.

ps. This is obviously a made up story because Mike would never use the doorbell. What isn't made up is that we have written probably over 100 songs about BBQs over the past 8 years. Sadly, none have used a crappy bossa nova beat.

What a day, right? I got a new phone that doesn't really work well, I have an old lady next door that doesn't want to call the insurance company about her house falling apart onto my fence and car, and I have juice. Great. Is it a great juice? Eh, it's good. It's kind of thick, if I may be so blunt. It's appley tangy and if I may be blunter, I like a little more fruit in my punch. This is a simple punch. The model, if you will. Grapes, apples, crappy pears, cherry. If I went to a party, I would dig in and leave a quarter of the fruit, i.e.: pears, in the bowl. It's good, though. Simple. Elegant. If you went to a black tie affair, this is the punch you would have. If you are wearing a black tie, you're too good for things like mangoes and/or pineapples. Please. Import fruit. This is a fancy affair. Look at the women wearing hats. This is fancy. If you're eating passion fruit, you get downstairs with the help. We're drinking punch up here.

What can I say about the grosvenor momordica that hasn't been said a million times before? I mean it is the most common foodstuff on this planet we call Earth. I can't remember a day when I didn't wake up in the morning and pour myself a large bowl of grosvenor for breakfast. Well I must have been but a wee child the last time I went without it.

For those of you who are visiting from other planets or galaxies I will do my best to describe this most familiar of foods. I mean how does one describe something that is as common as water? It is a fruit that grows on a vine that, and it is said to be 300 times sweeter than sugar, but it is naturally low in calories. You may also know it by it's more commonplace name: monk fruit. When it's made into a drink like this one it is typically mixed in with some liquorice root. The result is a beverage that is fairly sweet, but tastes like a watered down throat coat tea. I can't believe I actually typed all of that out since you all obviously know exactly what it tastes like. I'm sure the mental image I painted left your mouth watering and you made your way to the pantry to prepare yourself a nice little snack that will give you the comfort of your childhood blankie.

Here, if you have a cream soda, and I have a cream soda, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching? And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your cream soda... I... drink... your... cream soda!

Wait…€¦You've tricked me! That's not cream soda at all!!! You're bottle clearly says Schweppes Cream Soda, but it doesn't taste much like cream soda. Due to the brand and the slightly yellow color my mind was half expecting it to be a ginger ale cream soda. Now that would be an amazing drink, but that wasn't it. It tastes like Kola Champagne aka bubble gum, with a hint of cream. You have disappointed me twice friend, and I shall leave you now as to not to be confounded a third time.

I'm finished.

If there is truly a substantial amount of coconut water in this bottle to pass on the health benefits to me then Naked has done a wonderful thing. The flavor/chalkiness of the coconut water is all but indecipherable. That might turn some people off, but for someone who loves juice and is okay with coconut water, but wouldn't actively buy it, this is perfect. You have peaches and guavas living in harmony as they pass over your tongue to their deaths in your digestive system. They apparently already raided the coconut camp and were celebrating when I decided to drink this. Poor dead coconuts.

What is there to be surprised about? You like green apples and you like jalapenos. Together how could it be bad? Sure, it's strange. You get green apple, which is sour and sweet, and you've got jalapeno, which is spicy hot. Where it gets strange is that the tastes are close but not totally accurate.

The green apple doesn't take like a green apple or even what candy green apple tastes like. It tastes like a green apple Airhead where it's delicious but almost a green apple flavored soft plastic. The jalapeno is not jalapeno at all as much as it is the burn from a ginger beer. It's spicy so in the sense that peppers are hot, this is hot, but you know what? Lemons and bananas are the same color but taste different. A red car and a red apple are the same color but taste different. It seems a bit misleading but I will accept the argument of "hot is hot" and I can throw down my gloves and accept a truce.

This is good. If you had a ginger beer but replaced the ginger with a green apple Jolly Rancher, you'd be on the right track. It's got a nice burn after a childish, green apple flavor. I bet kids would like this more than adults for that reason. A spicy pop is great for adults but the candiness of it knocks it down to the kid-zone. Regardless of age, if you see this try it because it's totally different than any pop you've ever tried. Sure I broke it down pretty simply so you know what to expect but still, you aren't going to see it coming.

It's exciting when Village Beer Merchant updates their tap list and posts it to Facebook. Every time, I click "read more" and scroll down to the bottom to see if they have a new soda. Last week, it read "Apple Cinnamon Soda". It makes sense. It's a very winter-esque soda. I feel like it may be a little more appropriate during the fall, but I'm not picky.

It took a little bit of time but I finally made it over there today to get my growler filled with this delicious sounding soda. I have never had an apple cinnamon soda, and as far as I know neither has Mike or Jay. So this first sip was an adventure. I was expecting this to taste like apple cider with carbonation.

Was I right? Nope. It tastes like apple pie filling with extra cinnamon. Not classic mom made apple pie, more so the sugar filled ones you can get at any gas station for 99 cents. While it's not what I was expecting, I really like it. The cinnamon has a nice kick to it and is similar (but not as intense) as a good ginger burn. Village Beer Merchant/Flying Bison did it again, good job!

Ahh Germany: lovers of everything industrial and Hasselhoff. You have a soft side, too, and it's this lemonade. You make wonderful lemonade with orange in it and I feel like it's your attempt to look a bit tamer. You are known by the world as precise, perfectionists and although this is nothing less, it's lemonade with orange pop in it. It doesn't need to be so intense. You don't need to buckle down and hit the book, get out a micrometer, measure and calculate. You can kick up your shoes and enjoy a lightly flavored, carbonated, orange drink with a touch of lemonade. It's different than what you would be thinking because the flavors are a bit calmer than you would expect.

Germans, you're great. I would love to one day own a BMW. This pop is good and you did a good job. Congrats.

It's been a while since I've had an aloe drink. Not because I haven't been in the mood for them, I really have. The reason I've been without them is we have reviewed most of the ones I have come across in the last few months. Then I found this wonderful chunky drink at an Asian supermarket.

Korea really knows their aloe drinks. This is delicious with a nice tart pomegranate taste. I wish it had more chunks of aloe, but you can't win them all. So I bow to you, all mighty Aloe Vera King.

Ringing in the new year is an exciting time for all. People make resolutions where they are really going to turn things around. Sure, come February you are back to eating at Arby's, but you had a solid month of eating well. One month at a time, friends. I spent last year doing what I do best: apathetically living my life. Oh, there are things that I care about, but in the least depressing way possible, I don't care about a lot of things. I don't really care about what anyone posts on Facebook since most of it is dumb e-cards, stolen phrases, or internal conversations that shouldn't be posted on a public forum. I've got a great group of friends that I love and anyone else I've met in the last five years has been promptly forgotten because they haven't done anything. I take care of my family and friends and everyone else can basically piss off. It's too hard to fake interest in everyone's nothingness so I just don't.

Today, in the new year, I decided to wake up and start this year off with a bang. Yes, on the second day of the year. Yesterday I was busy. What do you want from me? Coffee, right? Wake up, dude. It's coffee. This coffee drink comes to us from Hong Kong and is in that lovable, bulletproof container. It's just the right amount of coffee and just the right amount of sweetness. It's not too dark which I appreciate and although I am more tired than when I started, I can say that I tried with this one.

Kick in the new year's teeth with this drink and internally reflect on what you care about this year. Do you care about pictures of your acquaintances' cat? Nope. Do you care about meeting some dude at a bar that you will never see again and are questioning why you are shaking their hand in the first place? Nope? Don't waste your time but spend that time focusing on what you really want, like starting a band that sounds like Sade or creating a racket in order to legally bring in more money but make people second guess who you are as a person. That's what I've got planned for the rest of this year. Good luck to you and good luck to me.

Who doesn't like Gifts, especially when they are drinks? Actually, especially when they are guava juice? My ladyfriend brought this home for me as she stopped in a little market to buy food coloring or some such thing. Is it sad that I care more about drinks then cookies? If so, I am a sad individual deserving of your pity. You should try to make me feel better with more drinks. I think that would be just the thing to help.

This juice is different than other guava stuff that I have had in the past. The main difference is that I believe all I've ever tasted before this was pink guava, not this white variety. The variation is very noticeable in the flavor. While the pink variety is very sweet and flavorful, the white is more laid back. It has a very similar flavor, but it's just not as strong. I definitely prefer the pink, but I have would have no issues with settling for the white if it were all that was available.

I went over to my Mom's house a couple months ago and she was drinking this green algae like drink. I was puzzled because the only things I ever see her drinking is iced coffee or diet soda. When I inquired about it, she started going on about how it's this amazing Matcha drink and it's better than coffee. I tried it and it tasted good, so she sent me home with a few packets.

I finally got around to trying it out myself. The green powder doesn't really mix with water very well. It felt like I was stirring it for a good 3 minutes and I am still finding little chunks in it as I'm drinking. The taste though, just as I remembered, is incredible. It's a lot like the green smoothie drinks that Bolthouse and Naked sells, but not as thick and more fruit flavors in it. I can't pinpoint any, but the website for this says it's made with pomegranates and blueberries mixed with the matcha (which is a type of green tea).

Before I started drinking this I was feeling a bit sleepy, but I'm halfway through the glass and I'm already feeling more awake. I'm glad my mom gave me a few packets so it will hold me over until I have a chance to buy some more.

Another New Years Eve has come and gone, which means that so has another bottle of sparkling juice. As you may or may not know non-drinkers like myself celebrate the obligatory times in much the same way that children do. I think I get the same enjoyment out of it as well. This year I decided to get a little fancier than my typical sparkling grape juice so I went with cranberry juice…€¦cran-apple. I hear that it is just about impossible to get out of sheets from Santa Fe, so I took care not to spill in on any of the fancy gowns that surrounded me, and by that I mean t-shirts and jeans. I don't hang with an upscale crowd much.

First thing to note about this is that it is not a twist cap. I had to pry off the cap on the side of the stage of the club I was DJing at like a savage, because unlike a Boy Scout I am rarely prepared. The effort to open it was worth it though, as this is one delectable celebratory beverage. It's just apple and cranberry juice mixed together with some bubbles added. The apple juice sweetened it enough to take away the bitterness of the cranberries, but their flavor was still present. It's basically a higher quality carbonated version of Ocean Spray. I will definitely have to pick up more of this for my next soirèe. Oh yeah, remember: Nothing changes on New Years Day…€¦remember when U2 was a great band? I certainly do.

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True raspberry soda love in all thy sons command.
With carbonated hearts we see cans rise,
The True North cold and delicious!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we drink the soda for thee.
God keep our soda glorious and free!
O Canada, we drink the soda for thee.
O Canada, we drink the soda for thee.

Translation: This blue raspberry soda is amazing, one of the best I've ever had. Other countries take note: Canada knows how to make delicious soda.

The Mighty Morpin Power Rangers were just after my time. My brother who is 3 years younger than me was into them, but I had no interest in the show/toys. I'm assuming I was "too old" for it, even though I knew of at least one friend of mine in my grade that watched the show and bought the action figures.

I haven't heard about the Power Rangers in a long time, a decade or so probably. I attribute this to not watching TV, not frequenting Toys 'R' Us, and not paying attention to the toys my younger cousins play with. I found this juice box at Big Lots, the store where drinks go to die. I just assumed it was 5 years old and would probably make me puke. Like a true Thirsty Dude, I obviously bought it.

I totally forgot I bought it until December 25th when I saw my cousin opening a new Power Rangers toy. It was puzzling to me, and reminded me of the juice boxes I had purchased. So I did a little research and found out Power Rangers have continually been on the air in one form or another since it first aired in 1993. Power Rangers Samurai, which is what series this juice box is from, is the 18th season. Eighteen! That is ridiculous. Seinfeld only had 9 seasons, so Power Rangers has been on twice as long.

Anyways, this juice box taste like every other "berry" juice box I've ever had. I don't know how I enjoyed these things when I was a kid. It's bland and has a bitter/sour aftertaste. No thank you.