This is made from brewed black tea, peach juice and real sugar. It should be great, but unfortunately something has gone wrong. I'm going to guess that it's too much sugar. Even though it's flavored with real juice, the peach tastes fake. It tastes like a slightly better version of something you would buy in a gallon jug at the corner store. That's not good news for anyone.

There may come a time in your life when you get a call that says the plan in on, and to be ready by 2am. Since you know this is going to be an all night drive, with a full day following you decide you should get some sleep. It's too early for you to naturally fall asleep, so you grab a can of Purp Lean and let it do its work. I drank the can that tasted exactly like your average grape soda around 10pm. It had expected a little bit of a different flavor to it, like most relaxation drink have, but the fake grape flavor covered it up nicely. About 20 minutes later I went to bed, and was out in less than 10minutes, which is unheard of for my sleep schedule. I was doing fine getting a couple of hours of sleep in before it was time to hit the road, suddenly I was disturbed by a confusing sensation. It took me several moments to realize that my cat had nestled in to go to sleep on my head. She's never done anything like this before, so I can only assume the folks at Lean set this up to prove to me how well their product works because I didn't even get annoyed. I didn't even get her to move. I just calmly went back to sleep.

At 1:45 my alarm went off, and I got dressed and jumped in my car to head off to Punxutawney, PA to see Groundhog Phil emerge to predict the end of winter. Unfortunately after an hour and a half into the drive we realized that with the bad weather would not permit us to get to our destination in time to see Phil emerge. Total bummer. Home we went, and I got the rest of the sleep I didn't expect, so it wasn't all a loss.

Fitness Edge knows that when it comes to protein drinks it is important to have flavors that pair well with cream. When choosing a flavored protein drink first ask yourself could I see myself eating this fruit or whatever with whipped cream on top. If the answer is no, quickly run away. There are very few things worse then dairy where it should not belong.

Well that is not really a good rule, because dairy and orange juice sounds like hell, but creamsicles are magical. The flavors just work together in soda form and they work together in this drink. It's still heavy on the whey protein, so it's a bit more dairy flavored than I would like, but it's easy enough to drink. It's thick, which is to be expected, but it's not as chalky as some protein drinks are. It's not bad, and who couldn't use a little bit of help with muscle recovery after working down at the docks all day? I have no idea why I am assuming you work on the docks. Oh wait, it's because you're wearing that little winter hat, that just barely covers the top of your head and comes nowhere near covering your ears.

Thirsty Dudes have a friend called "The Hammer." The Hammer is a great man who has affection for good, high quality chocolate. "Do you want to try a square?" he says to me. I never deny. Why? It's chocolate, number one, but it's always and definitely good chocolate because he only buys the good stuff. If he were with me right now, at my desk at work, I would have him drink this with me. This is chocolate milk for adults. It's bitterer than chocolate milk and has a natural taste to it. It's more woody and chalky than you would expect a generic chocolate milk to be so for that reason, you might not like it. I like it. The mint version is a bit more "entry level" if you ask me, but I think this one is good, too. The qualities of a good chocolate aren't always what make a good chocolate drink, though. Like I said, it's good, but it is going to be a bit more bitter than people might like. Still sweet but not as creamy as the kids would like. Hence chocolate milk for adults.

Who doesn't want to be fit? I'm not saying you have to go the whole nine yards, juice up, and become completely muscle bound, just toned at least. I do. I feel like I used to be due to my incredible metabolism but then the years started catching up to me and I had to be a bit more conscience about what I eat and drink. I've never gone crazy with food, which is why I'm not four hundred pounds, but I could have definitely done better with my food choices in my life.

In order to become more fit, I have taken up bike riding, which I have actually scaled down since having no time to casually ride my bike with a kid. That helped for a little bit. Now it's down to things like eating right since I don't really have time to go to the gym. Either that or I'm lazy and making excuses. If I were to go to the gym, I know that I would traditionally bring Gatorade but with all the other fitness drinks I've had since doing Thirsty Dudes that might not be the go-to anymore. This is another one that should be on your radar. It's diet, yes. It's sweetened with sucralose, but it's not poison like you might think. The flavor is actually pretty light, which you can control with how much you squeeze in to your glass but I followed directions and it was lighter than I expected. It's zero calories, though, and has everything that's going to energize, hydrate, and electrolyte you to get to your target weight. The flavor is that of a berry, whether it be a blueberry, you know, because it's blue, or a black berry or any nondescript berry. It could be raspberry, which it could be in hindsight because of its "blue" color. You know how that is the only blue food that exists in drink form. Whatever flavor it is, it's not bad and with no calories you could drink it all day, in or out of the gym. I've seriously got to think about something fitness related before my body just rejects what little I do to it for payback.

Sick babies mean a lot of things. Number one is that you spend your days dealing with a kid who can't exactly express their discomfort. Number two through forty-five is that you lose a lot of sleep. Finally getting my little buddy to school was fantastic because I can work, feel like I've contributed something to society, and put me one step closer to knowing that we will both not be awakened by coughing, sniffing, and bi-hourly whining.

I found this little number on the limited line and got it. I was reluctant as I am not a coffee person but the combination of hazelnut and mocha can only mean one thing; Nutella, which I love. Oh, I know it's terrible for you, but who cares. Smoking is probably worse for you than a Nutella sandwich, or at least I'd like to think that it is. I was luckily correct and this guy was great. It was more like a Nutella hot chocolate with a little coffee in it. I got it in a small, rather incognito cup but there was some sort of chocolate whipped cream that you couldn't see which cooled it down, cut down on the coffee, and made it smoother so I could actually drink it. I thought it was good and although I couldn't do anything larger than a small, I wouldn't advise not getting something larger. I don't drink a lot of drink so I could do this little, ten-ish ounce guy without feeling the need to share it.

It's not true coffee, I know. I would never say that it is. It's a bastardization of a latte, too and, once again I'm not claiming that I'm an expert. This is one step away from being some garbage powder drink you make at a truck stop but it's something that will make you remember that truck stop for reasons other than the glory hole that was in the bathroom.

Every time I looked at this drink I saw snakes. Confused? Let me explain. Remember in Pee Wee's Big Adventure when the pet store is burning and Pee Wee keeps going in to save the pets, but each time he shivers as he passes the aquarium of snakes, because he knows that eventually he's going to have to reach in and save those snakes? Well this drink is like the contents of that aquarium.

Pears and I are not on the best of terms. When I was growing up the old lady who lived next door had two pear trees in her backyard that she never took care of. Come fall her backyard would be full of the stench of rotting pears that littered the lawn, which brought a bunch of bees and other bugs along with it. This eventually over spilled into my backyard. Bees and decay are not a fun combination. Ever since then I have this thing about pears that I can't shake. Even though we have absolutely loved every other flavor of the Sonoma Sparkler line it has taken me five months to finally drink this soda because of the cursed pear.

I was a fool. This sparkling juice is better than anyone could have ever expected. Yes, this would surprise even pear enthusiasts. The way the pears mix in with the apples is spectacular. They become a Ying and Yang of fruit juices. Neither overpowers the other. They just live in harmony. With no sweeteners added this is nothing but carbonation and juice, which makes it an unbeatable healthy force.

I have faced my fears. I came out with an armful of snakes and I didn't scream and pass out like that baby Pee Wee. In fact, I'm ready to head back in to save some more.

If you're looking for bold flavors, then look elsewhere. If you're looking for something mild with some health benefits that will help curb your hunger then here you go. It has a light citrus flavor that if you concentrate enough does in fact taste kind of like mangos and tangerines.

I'd like to hire Dustin Hoffman's character from Rainman to count how many chia seeds are actually in this drink. I'm guessing at least three thousand, but it's hard to tell. I'd say this is 55% liquid and 45% seed. You get hundreds of seeds in your mouth with every sip, but if you try to chew them, they just slip right around your teeth. It's a fun little game.

I'm in the process of dealing with what I can only describe as week-long carsickness that other people are telling me is vertigo. Whatever it is, it sucks and is unwelcome in my head. I've got constant spinning and slight nausea, which is enough to make me just sick enough in the head and stomach that my days totally suck. In order to combat this, I decided to recruit good old ginger ale to help me. Is it helping? No, unfortunately not.

For a ginger ale, this is as average as they come. "It's a mixer." you are wishing you could tell me but in reality, it's a drink all to itself and it is average. It's sweet and tastes like ginger ale. Ever since I've found ginger ale that has an essence of actual ginger, everything else is "just" ginger ale. Basic ginger ale is becoming increasingly difficult to review, as like orange juice, it really tastes the same.

I don't know what I'm going to do about this barrage of nausea, as it's exhausting. This ginger ale isn't helping. Sleep isn't helping. I might just have to taco it out. Honestly, it couldn't hurt at this point and sounds like the best treatment at this juncture.

Before I knew there was a “proper” way to cut up a mango I would just go into them like a savage. By the end of my feasting I would have sticky juice dripping from my face and hands, and I would have strings of mango pulp stuck in my teeth. I looked like a wolf that had just torn apart its prey, except instead of blood and gore I had juice and pulp. The fruit turns me into a wild thing. Now that I know there is a way to cut it to make it easier and cleaner, I feel like I have finally been domesticated and in turn sophisticated. I am now a grown ass man.

This juice starts off very similar to what my savagery tasted like. Then it suddenly takes a weird direction. You can differentiate the added sugar from the natural kind. It also has a weird aftertaste that I can't place. It certainly doesn't taste like it should be a part of any sort of fruit. I don't get it and I don't appreciate its presence. I just want pure mango juice, and I knew this wasn't that, but I hoped it would be closer than it turned out to be.

On our tour de food, we have gone all around the world without leaving Western New York. We have been trying to not go to the same place (country) trice, especially twice in a row but we did last week. That exotic location? A Vietnamese restaurant in a Puerto Rican part of town. Jay and I fell in love with their bahn mi and we decided to give it a go two weeks in a row. I got the pho this time around and had “order regret” instantly. I like pho and I am no connoisseur, but this was bland. I added quite a bit of hoisen and Sriracha to give it something. In between disappointing bites of a seemingly endless dish, I washed it down with this fantastic treat.

I love honey. My aunt has a beehive in the country and it brought in around one hundred gallons of fresh honey. I use it on sandwiches all the time. Ham, too. Yeah, I know I'm Jewish, but I don't care about it. Ham is wonderful. This drink was chocked full of honey and lemon. Jay hates lemon tea and liked this. That speaks volumes. I have been milking this bottle for three days because it's very good. Sure that place is a mile or two away and I can go whenever I want to and get another but I've got this one and am going to get some length out of it. It's so honey-filled that I'm surprised that it's not thicker, like if you somehow liquefied honey lemon candy and drank that.

I will go back to that Vietnamese restaurant again and again as I have to try their vermicelli and will repeatedly eat their bahn mi. That pho, well that might as well just leave the menu. It's not your strong suit, friends.

Well I just find this amusing. Fresca in the US is a low calorie soda. While there are other flavors the “normal” or original flavor is grapefruit. That's not funny at all on it's own. What makes it interesting is that normally pop from Mexico is made with cane sugar, yet for this well known “diet” grapefruit soda they decided to sweeten their version with high fructose corn syrup. Way to take things in t'other direction.

It tastes just like a non-diet American Fresca would. It's a smooth grapefruit soda. That is slightly blended with orange and lemon. Those other fruits help to minimize the harshness of its contemporaries like Squirt. It's got a nice flavor and due to them being smart asses and using a different sweetener that isn't low calories, makes me have a bit of respect for them. That alone makes me give this a slightly higher rating.

First there was 8 Minute Abs. Then the great 7 Minute Abs was thought of by a lonely hitchhiker. That self same hitchhiker then assured us that 6 Minute Abs could never exist, due to science. Years later the world is bombarded with 5-Hour Energy shots. They always seemed a bit scary to me. Time shouldn't be able to be so concentrated into a little bottle. Finally everything has come together in one plastic container of Zum XR. The contents of this bottle will slowly release both caffeine and electrolytes over a 5 hour period. Think of how many sets of 7 Minute Abs you could do in that time. The caffeine will keep you going and the electrolytes will keep you hydrated. It's a win-win situation and by my calculations you'll have a month and a half's worth of ab workouts in one afternoon. Who's going to argue that science?

The functionality of this drink is right on the money. I drank one before I went to the gym and I ended up working out longer, and didn't feel as worn out by the end. I also didn't feel jittery at all. The problem is in the science of the flavor. It's not grosssauce, but it does taste like watered down mandarin orange juice, with a bit of functionality weirdness in the aftertaste. It's not something I would drink for the flavor, but it's not bad compared to other poison tasting drinks that promise a somewhat similar functionality.

On another note, it says it shake the bottle to “unleash” the power of the energy beads that are in it (aka the cupcake sprinklesque tiny balls that are on the bottom). No matter how much I shook it I couldn't get them to exist in the bottle, except at the bottom. By the time I got to the end of the drink I got a mouthful of the little guys and I could see how that could be a turn off for some people. So keep that in mind.

I can only hope beyond hope that the folks from the Amsterdam based band Vengaboys moved to Italy, took all of the money they made from their hit single We Like to Party (The Vengabus) and started a functional beverage company. I seriously don't think I've thought about that band in at least 15 years, but as soon as I read the name of this company that damn song was instantly stuck in my head.

I mean this drink would totally fit into their wheelhouse, right? After all that time riding around in the Vengabus, partying all the time, they would need to just kick back and relax sometimes. The problem is EVERYONE knows about the Vengabus, so as soon as they see it they instantly switch into party mode. As a result the members of the band needed to lock themselves in the backroom of the bus and get a little herbal aid. Not pot you savage. The Vengaboys are a wholesome group that only drink copious amounts of alcohol, but it's legal, so it's fine…€¦wait they are from Amsterdam…€¦hmm. Okay when they are at home maybe they use other herbal aids, but when on tour they stick to drinks like this.

This has a nice smooth taste. You mostly get pink grapefruit out of it, but the grape and orange and maybe the tea help to mellow out the acidity of it. On the opposite side of the spectrum all of the juices help to negate the bitterness that is normally associated with white tea. It all works together wonderfully.

So not only does this drink help to chill you out (but not make you sleepy) it also does it in a way that tastes great and doesn't leave you with any sort of medicinal/herbal aftertaste. You hang out in the back of the bus for a hundred miles or so and then you're ready to party again from New York to San Francisco and wherever else your dancing dreams may take you.

Have you ever heard the Patton Oswalt bit he does about an open mic he hosted in Toronto? Well it is relevant to this review since the guy he talks about in the bit is named Dr. Pepper. You know what, do yourself a favor and listen to/watch the bit:



Sadly this can of Diet Dr. Pepper isn't as funny as that. It's not as bad as most diet sodas, but it's also not as good as most other varieties of Dr. Pepper. At least we got to hear a funny bit from Patton Oswalt right?

Kiki darling, I simply could not eat a single pancake more. Why whatever are we to do with all of these buckets of left over maple syrup? Don't give me that look. I have already eaten 37 of them, and they were all slathered with the delicious syrup you bought, but I simply could not eat another bite. To make matters worse the syrup is in open buckets for some strange reason, and we haven't a thing to cover them. The rodents that run rampant on our palatial estate will devour it for certain and I can't bear to see it go to waste in such a manner.

Wait, why don't we water it down with some…€¦well water and then we can store it in those ridiculous jugs your brother keeps bringing home. I don't care if it's buy a jug to take home down at the mead pub, those things are ridiculous, and until now useless. Hmm. Maple water is all fine and dandy, but I think we may have watered it down a bit too much. There is only the faintest tinge of maple in the flavor, but it does give it a nice sweetness. How about we add some of those blueberries you picked, but forgot to put on my pancakes? Oh well that made it a great deal better. It now tastes like a watered down lightly sweetened blueberry juice. I wish the blueberry flavor was a bit stronger, but we did have to spread it though all of these dumb jugs. I have no real complaints about it though. I bet the townfolks would love to try some. Why don't you go take a few jugs down to them? Oh and Kiki, you're the best helper monkey ever.

UGH! That is what I exclaimed when I first took a sip of this. I have enjoyed all the other Monster Rehab drinks, but this is borderline undrinkable. It tastes like someone was potting a plant next to it and accidentally got some of the soil inside. They tried to filter all the soil out, but the taste was still there and they just hoped no one would notice.

Well I noticed and it sucks. I hate wasting drinks but I can't even take a third sip.

With each sip I grow more uncertain as to whether I should review this or not. It's not the flavor. That is nice and pineappley as it should be. It tastes like it was squeezed right from the fruit, but somehow a lot of the acidity was lost. My concern is that this can has so many chunks of pineapple in it that I no longer know if I can refer to it as a drink. When the ratio of physical fruit to juice is tipped to the fruit side, is it still a drink? Is the juice instead a vehicle to keep the pineapple “fresh?” I like fruit chunks in my drink, but this is just out of control.

Al Capone. You and your cronies have done a wonderful thing here. You have broken the correct legs to get to this diet root beer. All of those threats, violin cases filled with Tommy guns, guitar cases filled with machine guns, briefcases filled with handguns have allowed you to create one of the best diet root beers I have ever had. The slight taste of diet in this is quickly smoothed over with a nice root beer taste complete with vanilla. This is better than some regular root beers I have had and that is saying a lot.

I trust that with this review, we will be in your good graces so when I pass your men on the street, which, if I may be so frank, are blatant since normally I don't see a gaggle of men in pinstriped suits, they will give me a nod and be on their way. I will leave you to your business of smuggling rum into places, underground fighting rings, and other general cahoots that you and your men perform. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. If I may be of any service, please let me know. Know in advance, I do have my limits. I might not be the best man for things like killing, poisoning, slashing tires, bomb installation, or anything in the "almost legal" category. If you want me to be a wheelman, I would love to do that, though.

Woo. Where to start, where to start? From the start? Let's go there. Imagine a fully bearded man in his workshop. Now cover his entire body in a thin layer of sawdust. He's working on a pinewood derby car. It's not quiet, though. Oh no. It's laden with the sound of vacuums, dremels, drill and Howard Jones' "Dream Into Action" on the stereo. A man gets thirsty. When the only thing that is in the fridge is an aphrodisiac energy drink, who cares? That's what you will drink. That's what I did drink. I did not think that it would have done to me what it did.

Here is the back-story of the day for me, diet-wise. I had a bowl of cereal around nine and it is now around three and I have an empty stomach. Whatever. I do what I want. I grabbed that drink and slammed it. It was great, too. It was slightly fruity, slightly carbonated with just a touch of that "energy drink" taste. Enough that it was still good. Comparable to the new Red Bull drinks, if you've had those. This was good. Promptly, two things happened, though. At the snap of fingers, the caffeine started to course through me like all my blood was replaced with it. In addition to that I got that thirty-six hour flu that everyone got. So I've got awkward dizziness and nonstop shaking due to drinking an energy drink on an empty stomach. I was like that the rest of the day. Virtually out of commission. I couldn't get to sleep until about four in the morning. I just lay there watching the hands cruise through the clock.

Now if that was that than that would be that, but it wasn't. One more thing and this might have been psychosomatic but it's worth mentioning if only for it's humor. The day I drank this, I could have filled up the boner quota of a ninth grade boy. It's absolutely humiliating but they would come and go like waves on the shoreline. I mention this because if it was supposed to do this, holy crap did it work. I felt like I should have had an English textbook to cover my genitals with throughout the day.

Two incredible images wrapped into one review of a fantastic energy drink. If you are too tired to get it on with your significant other, drink this. Just make sure to eat some food first.