If pomegranates were my kryptonite this drink would surely be my doom. While I hate that I just made a Superman reference (a cheater if I ever saw one) I could think of no metaphor that would be more fitting. There are tons of “weird” ingredients in here, but the pomegranate sneaks up and just punches you square in the nose. Oh good now I have blood all over my shirt. Oh wait, that's just pomegranate juice, because I dribble when I drink like a baby. Either way that's never coming out…€¦great.

This is strong, tart and functional. It has a lot of what you need to get through the day in a healthy manner. Sure I could do without the stevia, but the pomegranate is so strong that it buries it a bit. You know I could actually see myself drinking this for pleasure, which is not a common thing with these types of drinks. It really just tastes like a strong juice with a little something extra that doesn't bother me all that much. Huh. Who'd have thought?

Can Nature promise me that all of this dumb snow will be gone by the next time I look out the window. I know I live in Buffalo and I should be used to it. I am, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I could move out of Buffalo, but that's where I keep all my stuff. What would I do with all my stuff? STUFF!!!???

Now that I've worked myself up into a tizzy I should probably drink this tea, as it has chamomile in it and it will help calm down my winter rage. First and foremost this tea has a strong oolong taste to it. Like yerba mate, oolong has a very distinct taste. It also looks dumb written out, as no words should start with two Os. So there you have it. This is a very strong, natural tasting tea. It has some lemon in it, but not in the cleaning spray way. It just helps the tea flavor shine instead of trying to run the show. That is the way lemon should behave. Know your place lemons! If children should be seen and not heard then lemons should be noticed, but not overbearing. Actually nothing in the world should be overbearing…€¦well except bears. They can do whatever they want.

I just had one of those “everything I ever thought was truth is now a lie” moments. This is soda mousse aka Canadian cream soda. From the can I expected it to be red, like the Crush version of it. Instead it is clear like most cream sodas. There is nothing mind shattering there. That came when I saw that it was made with real grapes. Does cream soda normally have some sort of grape base that I have been completely ignorant of my whole life? I don't think that is does, and my tertiary search online came up with nothing. That leads me to a follow up question; why does this have grape juice in it? Until I noticed that it had grape juice in it I thought it tasted similarly to the Crush cream soda; fairly standard with a slight berry flavor to it. Now I'm second guessing that. It tastes weird to me knowing that there is grape juice involved. I feel like my taste buds are trying their hardest to search out a grape flavor. Do I actually taste it or am I imagining it? I can't say for sure, and there is no one around for me to have them try it. I can say I enjoy the pop. It's hard to go wrong with cream soda, especially one that is slightly unusual.

Santa Claus is a large man and these are difficult times for the obese. He should not be surprised as he spends a couple days eating nothing but cookies. He works long hours, isn't known for being wealthy, and is also never seen as a man who is "in shape." The misses has taken notice of this and has done something about it. She took the sleigh to Polar, contracted them to make one of Santa's favorite flavors, and had them put it out for all to enjoy around Christmastime. Santa drinks a lot of hot chocolate but when Mrs. Claus brought him the first bottle, he knew that it was for the best.

He took a sip and was moderately pleased. Moderately because he is a man who loves his sweets and this is neither sweet nor up t the caliber of "caneness" that he desires. It's not bad, but it's about as seltzer as you can get with a little bit of mintiness.

For the next year Santa is going to lose some weight by drinking this. His breath will be better and his waistline slimmer. Mrs. Claus wanted to also mention that instead of having standard issue chocolate chip cookies that you supply a small, Caesar salad either dry or with a balsamic vinaigrette. We have to work together to slim the big man down.

I don't know anything about Rush Limbaugh except he's wildly Republican. My grandpa used to love him. Every time I went to my grandparent's house he would be sitting on the same chair with headphones on listening to "Rush." "Don't bother him, he's listening to his "Rush." grandma would say. He would be fine once those headphones were off but when they were on, don't bother him.

Now my grandpa can't drink this with me today unfortunately but I think that he would like to drink a bottle of unsweetened tea with a young Rush Limbaugh's fat face on it. Not to mention the tea is in a wonderfully decorated bottle with foil and full color print. I don't normally point those things out, but it has to be mentioned. The tea? A standard black tea. That's good though because so many people screw it up. He/They did it right. Good job, guys.

If you've got a grandpa, buy this tea and drink it with him while you still have time. Tell him something like, "Grandpa, I know I wear shirts with swear words on it, have a bad haircut, pierced ears, and a tattoo that says something in a language that you fought against in WWII, but let's share a beverage you and I.”

There are a bunch of fruits on the label of this drink, and even more are listed in the ingredients. There are in fact eight different fruit juices contained in this bottle. With all of that fruit in here why does it only taste like a lightly flavored orange juice? It tastes like really good orange juice, and I enjoy it, but I expected a bit of variety in the world of flavor it contains. The oranges have gentrified this juice. It moved into the neighborhoods where all of these other fruits were living and took it over as if it were it's own. Shame on you oranges…€¦shame.

On the other hand it does have 1500% of the daily value of vitamin C. That will kill the sickness in you. For some reason Odwalla added evaporated can juice to this as well. I don't know why, and I don't approve. It's unnecessary and unwanted in my world. Get rid of it. It's not helping to keep people healthy. Isn't that the point of juices like this?

On the very tip top of the mountains of Toronto that are the skyscrapers there is a little bit of heaven that contains not one, but two gardens. One of those gardens is made of stones, which are moved around for the use of relaxation and meditation. The second garden grows but one thing: green tea. Did I mention that monks run the upper ten floors of this monstrous building? They are not your typical monks. They are urban monks. They wear hoodies with white zippers, raw denim and Beats by Dre cans that they listen to their chants on. It's a modern world and even the old customs are acclimating. In the early morning the monks make their way to the roof where they tinker around in the rock garden until they have reached their daily-allotted enlightenment. Then it is time to hand pick the tea leaves and take them to the 27th floor where they are dried and brewed into the products that help sustain their modern way of life.

In my first review of an Urban Zen tea I mentioned that I thought it was going to be green tea and aloe, due to the color and shape of the bottle. Guess what? That is exactly what this one is, and it's magical. It's like someone mixed a mango flavored bubble tea (hold the tapioca balls) and mixed it with an “original” flavored aloe drink (you know the kind that has the slight white grape flavor to it). Of course there are chunks of aloe in it, but they are not as plentiful as a lot of their competitors products. I'm okay with that though because the flavor more than makes up for it. It's extremely flavorful and sweet in all the right ways.

Next time you find yourself in Canada dish out the $2-3 a bottle of this cost and help the monks afford those new Samurai jeans they have had their collective eyes on. Remember enlightenment isn't everything.

We're all in agreement that root beer (and it's like brethren) is the best soda out there, right? I could drink the stuff all day long. Sure I would feel like garbage, weigh a couple hundred pounds more and my teeth would fall out of my head as I talked, but I would have a happy palate doing it.

I hope it's safe to assume that we all also think that “normal” diet pop is grozzzzzz. Some people say you just have to get used to it. I say I could also get used to drinking glasses on vinegar on a daily bases, but I'm sure as hell not going to do that.

So here we are with a flavor that is amongst the best and a version that is amongst the worst. Traditionally when these two things are combined the diet overpowers the greatness of the root beer, and it just tastes like a diet soda. They all taste more similar than they do their individual flavors. Krisda stood up and said “No world, I will not accept that! I will create a diet root beer that actually tastes more like root beer than diet and the world will love me for it!” Apparently Krisda realized that the solution was just to raise the black licorice content of the soda. This tastes so much like the good version of licorice (not the black jelly bean version) that it's ridiculous. It's more licorice that root beer. I'll tell you what though. The combo of that and using stevia as a sweetener creates the best diet root beer I have ever tasted. For a second you can tell that it's diet, but then that licorice aftertaste kicks in and erases your zero calorie memories.

Vegans, you're getting luckier by the day. Your hatred of animals and animal by-products is getting easier stronger and more beneficial. You are no longer segregated to the underground seed and nut parlors of old but now you are welcomed into the sunlight and above ground stores and restaurants. You are treated special without questions asked. Your influence is growing. Soon, no one will look at a cow the same way. Soon, Morrissey will have one less thing to be sad about.

This totally animal free drink is pretty great. Almond milk is thicker than soymilk so it's more "milkshakey" which means "better" in layman terms. I don't get a lot of dark chocolate but I might get "slightly shadier chocolate." I wouldn't give it the credit that it asks for since I am allowed to be critical on my own soapbox. That being said, it's still good.

Vegetarians and vegans, you may dance until the sun comes out for this drink passes the test of a carnivore. I have spoken and it has been said. I hereby sanction this drink as acceptable to all parties.

I don't often think about quitting Thirsty Dudes. It's fun and it's a hobby. Sure, I would like it to explode to the point where the hardest thing I have to think about is which Lamborghini Countach I am going to go to Jay's to get tacos, but that's in the future. The only thing that makes me want to not do Thirsty Dudes anymore is really good drinks. When we drink something stellar, we often never get to drink it again because of where it came from or the fact that at any given time, we all have at least twenty other drinks in queue that cannot be ignored. I have broken that streak a little bit by buying cases of really good drinks but it takes me forever to drink them because, as previously mentioned, there isn't enough time in the day.

This drink made me think about it for a second, though. It's really good. It's rightfully bitter, like a blood orange should be. It does the fruit justice. Just a little bit of sugar to cut it and make it so you keep coming back. Blood oranges everywhere should consider this the apex of compliments to be in this drink. You might be saying that they're just fruits but come on, if you were a lemon, would you rather be in a lemon Brisk or a San Pellegrino Limonata? It makes a difference. Don't think that it doesn't.

Down in North Carolina natural streams careen down from the peaks of the Appalachian Mountains. Arcadia Farms uses that fresh water to make their personal take on southern sweet tea. It's too bad that they use the water directly from the streams and don't take any measures to “clean it up.” There is just a pump that sucks the water directly from the stream out back on the Arcadia land into the vat that they make their tea in. Don't they know that squirrels, coyotes and various other fauna do their business in that water? Maybe I can't prove that they actual do that, but I think I might believe someone if they told me that after having tasted this tea. It doesn't really taste like tea at all. It tastes more like extremely heavily sugared dirty water. I can get by the insane sugar taste since it is sweet tea after all. I cannot get past the fact that it doesn't taste like tea; you know the main ingredient in “tea.” The strange thing is that the ingredients list …€˜brewed tea,” which generally means that you're in for a good beverage. Somehow the Farm got it all wrong.

Generally when pop is blue you are in for one of two things: a cream soda based beverage, or something that is so overly sweetened that you can't believe it's still a liquid. When I took a sip of this and I didn't feel like my teeth were going to fall out from liquid candy, I awaited the cream aftertaste. It never came. I have to admit that I waited longer than I should have. I even took another sip and concentrated on trying to taste it. I got nothing. Capone has succeeded in beating the odds. They have created a blue soda that just tastes fruity. Well, it doesn't actually taste like raspberries. It actually kind of tastes like a Bahama Mamma Slush Puppie (aka my favorite). It tastes tropical in a berry sort of way. It's not something that I would want all the time, but this would be great on a hot summer day, too bad we're having our first snow storm of the year.

What I have in my hand is perhaps one of the most uniquely flavored drinks I have ever tasted. Let's start with the base of aloe shall we? Aloe the plant that is used to sooth burns is absolutely disgusting in its raw form. Seriously, just take it from me save yourself the taste of poison in your mouth. Just use it on burns caused by the sun or other. Processed aloe, or whatever they do to it to make it into a beverage is one of my favorite tasting drinks ever. So we have this vat of delicious aloe juice, what should we put in it? Oh how about the most refreshing of flavors of all time: the cucumber. Cucumber flavored drinks sounds ridiculous, that is until you try it and then you want it constantly. Every cucumber beverage I have tried tastes exactly like the vegetable, and as I said it's the peak of refreshment; move over lemonade. So we have some cucumber aloe juice now. Truth be told we could stop right here, but why not see how far we can take it? Why don't you throw some mint into the mix? Not enough to give it that toothpaste taste, but just enough to make it crisp. You know, so you don't really realize it's there until the aftertaste. To top it all off, why not pump some CO2 into it and give it some bubbles? Bam! Done! Perfect! It's crisp, it's refreshing and it ends on a nice cool note. It's a combination I have never tasted before. Why this company is not huge I have no idea. This is a base that other beverages should be modeled after.

When I was in junior high there was a girl who briefly lived down the street from me. She was a terrible excuse for a human. She was such a hood rat that I'm surprised her parents didn't name her Holly. Now for some reason this girl took a shine to me. I have no idea why as I made it perfectly clear that I thought she was horrible and wanted nothing to do with her. Even so she would show up at my house every day and just walk in. One day I was in the basement putting my trucks on a new deck, and she wandered down offering…€¦well I'm sure you can guess. When she wouldn't leave after me screaming at her, I grabbed a fire extinguisher and fired it in her face. That solved my problem, and she never came back.

This juice requires no screaming or C02 cannons. I expected it to be budget, because of the look of the can. That is a design from several decades ago if I ever saw one. Luckily it is anything but. This is a great tasting juice that spotlights some of the best that the tropical islands have to offer. We have mango, papaya, guyabano, pineapple and calamansi. This could have been solely any of those juices and I would have been a very happy boy. When you take a sip of them mixed together you can almost hear the tide coming in. It creates one of those flavors that just tastes tropical, but if you stop and think you can make out each of the individual flavors.

A word of advice to the youth of today: always keep a fire extinguisher and a can of juice handy and you'll have nothing but smooth sailing.

Today, on National Chocolate Day I have chosen to drink this delectable drink. I don't normally blow the review in the first sentence but why waste my time? This is wonderful. It's dark and naturally bitter and has a strong but inoffensive mint kick to it. It's properly thick and vegan so all can enjoy it. Note that this is expensive as far as drinks go clocking in at $2.50 but honestly, as a sweet treat, it's worth it. It tastes like hot chocolate cooled down and put in an adult juice box. Oh, what I wouldn't give to relive my childhood with rich parents who put this juice box in my lunch every day. Look, my parent's are great but we're admittedly "middle class" and to have this little buddy in my bag every day would cost $12.50 per week, $50 per month, or $500 per school year. That's too much to spend on a kid's dumb lunch bag. Added reason not to give this for lunch is that this is the top of the ladder when it comes to "trades," so you, a hard working parent, are having your luxury traded for another turkey sandwich and some gummy worms. I wasn't a big trader but some kids were. Pudding for this, Jell-O for that. This trumps all. You would be crowned king or queen of the lunchroom and your fame would get to your head, your grades would suffer and people would start doing your homework for you in order to get a taste of your drink, the teacher would find out you were cheating and you would get failed right out of fourth grade. You would be the oldest kid and people would call you a dummy all because of your drink. Parents don't let this happen to your kids. Give them juice like all the other parents. Save this for home when they get good grades on a math test or something. No one kid should have the power this drink would instantly grant them.

Question: If this is supposed to be flavored water then why are there any sweeteners in here at all? There is both agave nectar and rebiana. That is two unnecessary sweeteners for “water with a twist.” This could have just been lime juice in water and it would have tasted fairly comparable. I certainly would have enjoyed it more. It's not sweet enough for the rebiana flavor to be justified. It takes away from the flavor of the limes. Those aren't just any limes either. They are West Indies limes. Those little bits of citrus traveled a long way to make it into this bottle and that dumb natural zero calorie sweetener is ruining it for them. There should have been a red carpet rolled out for them and teams of reporters. Instead they are walking over the old tattered rug into a by the hour motel that they are now sharing with a complete stranger. The glamour of the exotic is long gone my friends.

Guayaki is a company that knows what they are doing, and what they are doing is making yerba mate based beverages that are nothing if not delicious. This is the 9th product of theirs that we have reviewed and so far they have all received either 4 or 5 out of 5 bottles. That is a rare thing indeed in the world of these Thirsty Dudes.

For those of you not familiar with it, yerba mate is essentially a tea. Does tea have to be made from a specific plant, or is it just any plant that is steeped in hot water? I think I'm safe referring to this as a tea. I've heard others do it, so I'm going to follow suit. As with all teas it has its own distinct taste, that is hard to describe, but once you've had it, you'll always be able to place the flavor. It's been compared to green tea, but I don't really see it at all. Both are a tad on the bitter side, but yerba mate has an earthier flavor to me.

Guayaki has been making this tea for years and recently has started producing a sparkling line. I for one love it. Tea based sodas are always hit or miss, but this is an inner circle bulls eye. The yerba mate flavor is right in the center and it's softened up a bit by some sweetener and a mixture of cranberry and pomegranate juice. What we have here are three bitter flavors, which could easily take all of the moisture out of your mouth, but instead blend together in a perfect way. Both of the juices are easily recognizable in the taste, but they are living in harmony together instead of fighting to see who will solo in the spotlight. I suppose that is because they both know that they will only ever be supporting characters in this drink; yerba mate is taking them all the way to Broadway.

Here's a not so subtle hint to America: A good majority of you are overweight. Okay, that wasn't so much of a hint as it was a flat out statement. Regardless, it's true. I'm not saying that I think people should be emaciated and the skinniest things ever. I am saying that in the days of our country when people had to work on farms and such, everyone was in much better shape. Think of how we could run everything if we were all in that same shape with today's modern medicine. We would be unstoppable.

The first step to getting there is to stop eating so much damn fast food. Sure it's delicious but it does nothing but hurt this cause. Secondly, and possibly most importantly, cut out drinking so much pop. I have way to many friends who tell me that one of their parents drink a two-liter or more of soda a day. That is ridiculous. I run a drink review website, and the thought of that makes even me sick. Do you even know how much sugar and other garbage you're putting into your bodies? How do you expect to hand plow the fields for ten hours a day while doing that? You won't, that I promise you. Hey, I understand the love of bubbly drinks. I'm just saying there are other options out there to get your fix in a way healthier way. One option is Hint Fizz. It's just sparkling water with a little bit of peach flavoring in it. There is no sugar, no fat, no sodium, no nothing. You essentially could be drinking a glass of water and it would be 98% the same health wise.

Sure when you first start drinking seltzers the taste is a bit weird, but the more you drink the quicker you become acclimated to it and then it doesn't taste bad at all, it tastes normal. Even though there is no juice in here, this does leave the memory of having just eaten a peach in your mouth. I urge you to make the switch from your soda pop to this sparkling water. The fate of our empire depends upon it.

What better time to drink lemonade than the tail end of December where it's snowing and cold and wet? You've endured summer. You've conquered fall. Now you've got the cold slapping you if the face like you fell asleep in church and the priest comes over and wakes you up. How do they get away with that? If I had a kid and sent him to a Catholic school, an action I would never do, and a nun hit him, I might push her up against a wall like one of those tough guys in movies where they shove nerds or geeks up against a locker, make a loud noise, and take lunch money. Don't touch my kid, nuns, you jerks.

I'm reviewing lemonade and talking about abusing nuns. Fantastic. Happy holidays. Nun, I'm not sorry that I pushed you up against a locker and made all the kids stop in their tracks, but who do you think you are? Have a lemonade, you old coot. It's good because it's not made with any artificial ingredients and tastes like the lemonade you make at home, not like the lemonade that you make your slave kids sell to not buy new bibles and invest in getting Father Whatshisface a new Lexus RX330, which, by the way, is a woman's car. It's not too sweet, something I already know you can relate to, and not undersweetened which you are.

If nuns are teachers from God? Then are public school teachers "teachers from Satan?" If so, you can expect to see my son bowing down along with Anton LaVey all the while not taking religion class and, in exchange, taking legitimate science classes. I say good day to you, nun.

Remember when Andy Kaufman went up on stage and awkwardly acted out the Mighty Mouse song, well just the “Here I come to save the day!” part. That was hysterical. If the man were still alive, hurting for money and forced to do product endorsement, I would hope that he would back Naked Juice. I mean if you gotta sell yourself for the man, you might as well back a product that is actually great, and not hurting anyone. Hell, even with him dead his estate could sell his rights to them. I don't think Naked actually makes commercials, but I can see it now. It could be the original footage of the Mighty Mouse bit, except instead of taking a drink of water they could edit in a bottle of Naked and at the end the screen would say, “Naked's Mighty Mango: It's here to save the day.” Marketing genius right here.

Nothing in that ad would be a lie either. Whenever I feel myself getting the old scratch in my throat that is a telltale sign that sickness is on it's way, I get myself a large bottle of this stuff and just pound it. More likely than not the sickness will pass and I will be just fine in a day. It's essentially a mango puree with a bit of orange flavor to it. Sure there is also apple and banana juice in here, but you can't taste them at all. There is so much vitamin C in here that it could fight off an army on oncoming illness, just like a little mouse…€¦wearing a cape.