4968 Total Reviews

Big Shot Cola

Big Shot Cola
Mark was a magician. He loved what he did. He went to kid's parties and made kids float, did card tricks, and made birds and bunnies come out of everything. He was pretty good and was always interested in something bigger and better. Sure, he idolized David Copperfield, who didn't in the industry, but he was realistic. David Copperfield is the Michael Jordan of magic. At the end of every kid's party, he always plays 52 Pickup. The kids love it because all the cards are in the air and they yell and they scream. Magic takes a lot out of a man. He's got to clean up all that bird poop, rabbit poop, cards, and smoke powder. After a show, he likes to go to the store and get something to drink. He went to a corner store and grabbed some random cola. He looked at the bottle and smiled because the "Big Shot" guy was chewing on a cigar and he could just hear his voice. He laughed and opened the door and bumped into someone. He looked up to apologize and it was David Blaine. He was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He put his hand out to shake his hand while muttering, "My name is Mark. I'm a magician and a huge fan." David thanked him and asked him for some of his pop because he left his wallet in the RV. Mark gave him the whole, unopened bottle and told him to keep it. David opened it and took a big chug. Then he made a face. He told Mark that it was some of the worst cola he had ever had. It just tasted bland and generic. No body and nothing special. He said he could have bought a Pepsi and been more satisfied. Then he made the bottle disappear with a poof of smoke and went back to the RV.

Mark sat in the car for at least ten minutes just pondering what had just happened. He met David Blaine, but gave him the worst cola he had ever had. He didn't know whether to mark that as an accomplishment or not. Either way, he continued to do magic at kids parties and had one spectacular story to tell people in the Magician's Guild gatherings at Denny's.
Rating
🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛
Categories
Soda Pop
Company
Big ShotWebsite
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Author
Mike Literman on 5/11/12, 11:38 AM
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Yung-Ho Rice Drink Peanut

Yung-Ho Rice Drink Peanut
Peter loved peanut butter, or as his mom liked to call it “Peter Butter.” It started with PB&J sandwiches. Then he switched to straight peanut butted on bread, and lots of it. Before he knew it he was hooked on the stuff. He was dipping veggies on it. Eating it with dessert. He even became a regular at a local Thai restaurant because he could get peanut satay there. He consumed more peanut butter than any other substance and it was evident in his physical presence. His mother told him he had to cut down, or else he would turn out to be one of those people that you hear about on the news that is so obese that they can't even leave their bed, and weeks pass before anyone even realizes they are dead. Peter did not want that to be his future, so he started cutting down on his peanut butter intake. It was hard because he loved the flavor so much. His mother worked out a recipe for a drink that would taste like peanut butter, but wouldn't be so terrible health wise. She took rice milk and blended in some peanut butter. Sure it wasn't exactly health food, but it filled the void that the lack of peanut butter had created in Peter's life, while keeping things a tad better for him. At first Peter thought it was strange. He felt like he was drinking a can of the sauce that was on his peanut satay. The more he thought about it, the more it grossed him out. He didn't want to drink sauce. Only degenerates and junkies did things like that. He thereby claimed that he was off the sauce. He didn't want to be a peanut butter junkie anymore. He took the rest of his drink and gave it to the cat, which surprisingly loved it. It's now been ten years and Peter has taken to lying to people about having a peanut allergy, just so he doesn't have people tempting him with his old love.

ps. My cat totally starting drinking this and I had to physically restrain her to get her to stop. Cats love peanuts.
Rating
🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛
Categories
Other/Weird
Company
Yung-Ho
Country
Taiwan
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 5/10/12, 10:13 PM
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The Simpsons Energy Drink Flaming Moe

The Simpsons Energy Drink Flaming Moe
For most of my life if I were asked whom my favorite Simpsons' character was I would answer Kirk Van Houten without skipping a beat. Milhouse's dad is absolutely hilarious in his desperation and defeat. Very few things are funnier to me that “weekend dad” who got fired from a cracker factory. Okay scratch that, I just thought of something funnier and that would be Kirk wanting to know the school cafeteria's menus in advance because he doesn't like the idea of Milhouse eating two spaghetti meals in one day. Now that is genius humor.

Last year that all changed when I decided to rewatch every episode (basically) in order. While I still love Kirk, I realized that Moe Syzlak is the shining star of the show. As the seasons rolled by he went from being a surly bartender to one of the most despicable pieces of human garbage to ever grace the animated screen and I love him for it. From trafficking black market whales to trying to steal “Midge” away from Homer, nothing but hysterics come from his performances. Over the months of rewatching the show my love of Moe grew and grew.

Last week friend of Thirsty Dudes, Tony Flaminio went down to Florida for his grandfather's 90th birthday. He took a break in being day-drunk to head to Universal Studios and go on the Simpsons' ride where he bought me this energy drink. When he finally got back to Buffalo and gave it to me I couldn't stop giggling for a while. For those of you who are not aware The Flaming Moe is a drink that Senior Syzlak ripped off of Homer that is composed of a mix of every type of leftover liquor and some kids cough syrup (hysterical in it's own right). It's a great episode and the fact that someone made a drink with its name is just plain great.

I shot a video review for it, but decided not to put it up, because it was dumb and a let down. You see in the show the secret to the Flaming Moe is that it's a decent drink, but once you light it on fire it becomes amazing. Obviously I needed to see if the same was true for this drink. I took a sip, instantly remarked how it didn't taste like Red Bull at all, like most memorabilia energy drinks do, and that instead it tasted like berries. I later found out that it is supposed to be bubble gum flavored, but I didn't taste that for even a second. So I took my sip, then poured it into a glass and tried to ignite it. Not only did it not light, but also whenever the flame got close to it (not touching it) it went out. It was expected, but it was also a let down. I really wanted it to go up in flames and then acquire a different flavor. I guess not containing alcohol or cough syrup will suppress the flammability of a fluid. The drink did taste better than I expected it to, but since it's a “special” energy drink the price tag was a bit hefty, so I wouldn't drink it on the regular even if we did have it available in Buffalo. Still, the idea is hilarious.

Remember he was born a snake handler and he'll die a snake handler.
Rating
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
Categories
Energy Drink
Company
The SimpsonsWebsite
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Author
Jason Draper on 5/10/12, 6:14 PM
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Oregon Chai Herbal Chai Dreamscape

Oregon Chai Herbal Chai Dreamscape
There is a video game that you should know about called "Trials HD." I have easily invested hundreds of hours playing it. It's a simple motorcycle game where you accelerate, brake, and lean your way to the end as quickly as possible. There is a level in it called "Dreamscape" that is all over the place. Ramping up and down through someone's crazy imagination with floating planks, scaffolding, and twisted wood. You can see what I'm talking about here.

This drink is the liquid equivalent of that track. I've made a few mugs of this before and liked it, but preferred "the original" variety. After drinking it today, I might change. It's so spicy. It's almost woody and peppery. If you like light drinks, you couldn't drive your car away from this drink fast enough. It's a lingering drink, too. So spicy. It caught me off guard because I didn't know that it was going to be so bold. If you're in the market for a change and need to pull a total 180, this is the place to go. Oooh. So spicy.
Rating
🧃🧃🧃🧃🧃
Categories
Relaxation and Hot Tea
Company
Oregon ChaiWebsite@oregonchai
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Mike Literman on 5/10/12, 9:49 AM
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Snapple All Natural Lightly Sweetened Cherry Pomegranate

Snapple All Natural Lightly Sweetened Cherry Pomegranate
These are dangerous times guys, dangerous times. They are dangerous times to be a small company because large companies are getting smarter and making some awesome products. Snapple, in my eyes, was long forgotten for a long time and then in the last couple years they ramped it up and now make delicious tea. That's why it drives me crazy when I see small companies using garbage ingredients. You know that Snapple could make way more if it used worse ingredients but there is someone digging their feet in ensuring that doesn't happen.

This tea is pretty great. I've been doing this for long enough to know different varieties of tea and flavoring. This is a lightly sweetened (both as advertised and as practiced) white tea. It's good. I would like it if this was just that: simple, efficient, and beautiful. I've never had just a plain sweet white tea. It would be fantastic. You hear me, Snapple? I'll buy it. Cherry is a rarity in tea but pomegranate is a bit old hat. The pomegranate in this is good, but it might be about 33% of the fruit. Cherry takes the majority, a majority I'm calling 66%, and is right on the cusp. It's a dangerous line that it walks because sometimes people think that cherry tastes mediciny but this is not at that rate. It's good. White tea plus cherry plus pomegranate is a good mix. Let it be known.

Snapple, you've done good work. You made something new and I've got to give you credit because it was a fantastic implementation.
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Iced Tea
Company
SnappleWebsite@Snapple
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 5/9/12, 3:42 PM
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Jamba O.N.E. Coconut Fruit Juice Beverage Tropical Mango

Jamba O.N.E. Coconut Fruit Juice Beverage Tropical Mango
We don't have Jamba Juice in Buffalo. It's not here, so I complain about it. Truth be told if we did have them here, I would probably go there once, maybe twice. I make a decent amount of smoothies at home, but I rarely go out into the wild world to purchase them. The closest I've ever come to going to one was in DC when we were walking around and a member of my traveling party yelled, “OOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! JAMBA JUICE!!!.” It was the most effeminate that I have ever heard a straight man say, and it turned out it was actually a hardware store and not a juice emporium His enthusiasm was enough to pique my interest in the chain. That experience was five years ago, and I still have ever had Jamba Juice. I guess I wasn't all that interested.

While my attraction wasn't enough to have me actively search out one of their locations, I was still pretty excited when I saw this in the store. What we have here is O.N.E. coconut water mixed with fruit juice and an antioxidant boost from Jamba Juice. It was a great marriage of companies. A company that makes pretty great coconut water merged with a company that I can only assume makes pretty great juice and the result is, as expected, pretty great. It tastes more like juice that it does coconut water, which works for me. It has mostly a mango flavor with some hints of orange, and the slightest flavor of banana (not enough to ruin the drink for me). I could drink a carton at least 7 times as big as this one and probably still want more. It's tasty, it's refreshing and I can only imagine that getting the juice fresh from a Jamba Juice outlet would warrant someone yelling, “OOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! JAMBA JUICE!!!.”
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Coconut and Juice
Company
JambaWebsite@JambaJuice
Country
Indonesia
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 5/8/12, 4:19 PM
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Mmm...Tea Co. Black Tea Honey Lemon

Mmm...Tea Co. Black Tea Honey Lemon
Karen was a stupid idiot. She was one of those people who always said, "I could make this better at home." when she ate or drank things. It was annoying to spend any amount of time with her because it was almost certain she would utter it. One thing that made it more annoying was that she was not a fantastic cook, or baker, so every time she said it, you would flashback to the time she said, "Oh, remember that time we had that meal at that restaurant? Well I made it and it was way better." and it sucked. No offense to Karen, but she was an excellent banker but a terrible copycat when it came to food.

She went to the store and bought a bottle of Mmm...Tea's black tea, honey, and lemon tea and brought it home. She took a sip and thought, obviously, that she could make it better at home. She thought the tea was a bit bitter but did have an honest, lemon and honey taste. The actual slice of lemon in the bottle probably helped a bit. She brewed some black tea, bought some honey in a bear container as she thought that was the pinnacle of honey manufacturing, and a lemon. She mixed everything up, and threw it in the fridge for a couple hours. She took it out, poured it into a glass, and for the first time made something that was actually better than the original.

Congratulations, Karen. Enjoy your success until the next time you try and make something better than the original.
Rating
🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛
Categories
Iced Tea
Company
Mmm...Tea Co.
Country
United States
Sweetener
Honey
Author
Mike Literman on 5/8/12, 12:10 PM
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Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Mango

Vita Lina Flaxseed Drink Mango
Something happened around the turn of the century where people started to give up on bars of soap. Suddenly they weren't good enough for people. Maybe people thought they couldn't get them clean enough or something, either way people left the bars on the shelf and America embraced the new product known as body wash. I am a grown ass man and I will confidently admit that I use body wash. The reason I do is that I have some that smells like red licorice and the aroma is delicious. That really plays no part in this tale though. The important thing here is that the body wash empire got greedy. They were blinded by the new trend and in their minds the entire world would soon turn to their products and bar soap would become obsolete. As a result many of them purchased the ingredients needed to make the wash in obscene surplus. Now that a decade has passed the body wash folk are realizing that they have reached their limit of customers. Those who are not already using their products will cling to their bars of soap until the day they die. The problem was they were stuck with enough warehouses of materials to fill a smaller state, like Rhode Island. Sure they were able to sell the “soap” ingredients to some of the bar companies at a loss, but what to do with the “gel” ingredients? After many late night board meetings a solution was thought up; they would sell the ingredient, which are perfectly safe to consume, to the beverage industry to make drinks with interesting textures.

Vita Lina jumped at the chance to ride the crest of a possible trend of drinks with strange consistencies. They released this line of flaxseed drinks that has a viscosity that falls somewhere between body wash and a normal drink. It doesn't taste soapy in any way, but the texture is there, and it's weird. I personally like it a lot. It's interesting, and I notice that I take smaller sips than normal. A few friends who tried it were not so into it. They couldn't get past the texture to even contemplate the flavor, which has a nice subtle mango quality to it. I can't blame them. Even though I like the consistency, I do find it distracting from the flavor. I feel like I can taste texture in this drink, and since I'm not a robot that is impossible. It says it's a drink, but since there is tea in it, I consider it an iced tea. Truth be told it tastes more like a drink that is not overly sweetened than tea.
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Juice, Other/Weird and Iced Tea
Company
Vita Lina
Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 5/7/12, 8:24 PM
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Solixir Relax Blackberry Chamomile

Solixir Relax Blackberry Chamomile
For the first time ever I will now claim that scientists don't know what they are talking about. Sure they know the answers to pretty much about everything, but when it comes to the sun, they have it all wrong. I don't know where they got all of this malarkey about the Earth spinning and revolving around the sun at the same time. It's pretty obvious to every single person with the sense of sight that the Earth sits still and the sun moves in regard to us. All you have to do to know that is the truth is to look up at the sky.

I can even explain why the sun moves the way it does. It's simple actually, being the sun is a lot of work and requires a lot of energy. After awhile the sun just gets tired. Literally the sun gets exhausted and needs to take a rest. The sun's parents didn't raise a fool, so our friend in the sky has manners. He knows that it would be rude to just turn off his flames and take a nap where everyone can see him, so he goes off and hides on us and takes comfort in slumber.

I guess I wasn't completely correct when I said that all scientists were wrong earlier. There is a small faction that work for the Solixir company who know what the deal is. They have known for a while how the sun works and have devised a way to harness all forms of its power. They had a team go up to the sun in this crazy fire proof/heat resistant suits to collect both it's daytime energy and the anti-energy the sun uses to help it to relax and fall asleep (aka the sun's sleeping pills). They used these samples to synthesize the way the sun works and have used it in their functionality beverages.

The drink I have in my hand is one that harnesses the relaxation power of the sleeping sun. The thing is that they don't want other companies mimicking their discovery, so they don't just come out and list “the relaxing properties of the nighttime sun” on the ingredients list. Instead they just list the other things in this beverage: chamomile flower, passionflower herb, lemon balm, jejube berry and hibiscus flower. They lightly flavored this mixture with blackberry juice and added some carbonated water to create a nice little product. The botanical blend kind of gives off a slight fennel taste, but it's more like a memory of a fennel flavor. Overall the entire drink tastes very light. There is no sweetener in it and it tastes more like a flavored sparkling water. Knowing the potential power of this drink Solixir did the responsible thing and only put the smallest traces of the sun's power in the drink. They didn't want people just passing out everywhere as soon as they took a sip. In fact the drink doesn't make you tired at all, it simply relaxes you and let's you enjoy the day as the sun flies by overhead.
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement and Relaxation
Company
SolixirWebsite
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 5/7/12, 5:03 PM
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Sobe Lifewater Strawberry Dragonfruit

Sobe Lifewater Strawberry Dragonfruit
Jeremy had a very limited space at his farm but since farming was in his blood, he never gave it up. He harvested only strawberries and herded one thing, which oddly enough, were dragons. Yes, sure the strawberries encroached into the dragon pen but the dragons never cared about having to eat them. Jeremy didn't mind either. It was a lot cheaper than feeding the dragons their usual diet of giant rats, mice, and Raisin Bran.

Once a week, Jeremy would milk the dragons to harvest their juice. Yes, dragons lactate juice. Where did you think that dragonfruit flavored drinks get their taste from, an actual fruit? That's crazy. He would get all the juice, put it inside a giant containment unit and then hand squish strawberries into it and make his own juice. This juice was nothing short of awesome, too. It was sweet and still left room to taste like both strawberries and dragonfruit. Jeremy was concerned about health and was also on the forefront of sweeteners so he used natural alternative sweeteners like Stevia.

One day, a giant tour bus drove up to Jeremy's farm. The door opened and loud rock music and smoke emerged. Three men in black suits came out. Two were some of the largest men he'd ever seen. The one in the middle carried a suitcase. He explained that he worked for Sobe and was prepared to offer him "a large sum of money" for his secret. Jeremy, having done this for about fifteen years, thought that it might be time to start something new like becoming a honeydipper or used car salesman. He shook the smaller mans tiny, frail, uncalloused hands, and said goodbye to the two behemoths who gave him a nod but didn't actually say anything which Jeremy thought was rude.

Jeremy was rich. His hard work had paid off and now he could spend time riding the dragons and eating strawberries rather than making juice out of them.
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Diet and Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
SobeWebsite@sobeworld
Country
United States
Sweetener
Erythritol
Author
Mike Literman on 5/7/12, 12:13 PM
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Fresh Pure Pomegranate

Fresh Pure Pomegranate
It's now time for another installment of how stupid Jay can be with drinks. I took this beverage with me to see some bands play at a house show the other night. Buffalo has a long tradition of house shows, and I'm glad it's still going strong. So there I am watching bands, hanging out with friends and occasionally taking pulls from my juice while most other people are downing beers. I was fine with the juice; it wasn't spectacular but it was exactly what I expected from a cranberry juice that was sweetened with cane sugar. By the end of the show I had drunk about ¾ of the bottle and decided to hold off on the rest until I was home and could resample it to write my review.

Cut to now where I am sitting at my desk about to write a review for some decent cranberry juice. I give it to my ladyfriend so she can give it a little taste, and she says, “Wow that's some sweet pomegranate.” I reply with, “No, no, no it's cranberry not pomegranate.” At which point she simply points at the label and I feel like a complete fool. She was right it is pomegranate and I am once again playing the roll of the idiot. I've often thought that pomegranate and cranberries were closely related in the fruit family tree, but I never would have thought I would have confused them. When I grabbed it out of my fridge that day I had cranberries on my mind, so I thought that is what this was. The inclusion of apple juice in the ingredients helped me along. Everyone's heard of cranapple, but who has ever heard of pomapple? If they want to make a drink that sounds cool they should make a cranagranate. I would buy that on name alone. So yes I thought it was cranberry juice, but as soon as I took a sip after I knew I was wrong, all I could taste was strong, very sweet pom. This is the kind of drink that could get kids into pomegranate. Sure it could benefit from not being made from a concentrate, but that would make it cost way more, and it's only 99 cents, which is rad. At least they used cane sugar and not HFCS.
Rating
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
Categories
Juice
Company
Fresh Pure
Country
Canada
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 5/6/12, 10:14 AM
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Burn Energy Drink Original

Burn Energy Drink Original
This ship is great but exhausting. All day and everywhere and every minute there is something going on and you feel obligated to go to all of it. I've done karaoke like four times, swam in the pool, eaten tons of fruit, went on a water slide, casinos, cafes, candy shops, banquet halls, and more.

I like the boat, I really do, but I cannot get a good night rest. Every morning I wake up unsatisfyingly tired. The pillows and bed are too soft and my body is used to firm both. I needed a boost so I drank this. I punched me square in the mouth and not in a good way.

I normally like getting decked in the mouth by drinks but this was a sucker punch. It tastes like fruit punch with that "energy drink" taste. It was strong like bull and the first half of the can made me twitch every sip. After that it just tasted overwhelming. It did get me to 1:30 in the morning, though so I might actually give it the credit it deserves there.
Rating
🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
Categories
Energy Drink
Company
BurnWebsite@burn
Country
Mexico
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 5/5/12, 11:39 PM
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Del Valle Antiox Pomegranate

Del Valle Antiox Pomegranate
Cozumel, Playa Del Carmen, caves, beaches, and lagoons: That was today. I drove a jeep with a slippery transmission. It also didn't like to restrict reverse when shifting from fifth to sixth. High speed grinding gears: not fantastic.

After about four hours of swimming, brother gets tired. We traveled back to Cozumel to hit the shops but for some reason, it didn't have the same flair as the first time a few months ago. We needed something to drink. We couldn't have drunk everything in all of Mexico so I'll say that the drink supply was massively lacking in Cozumel at that time. I only felt the need to buy two drinks.

This was a good place to start. It was just pomegranate juice. I love pomegranates. Love 'em. This was just juice, so it's hard to review. If you could imagine a pomegranate juice that is not too sweet and tastes like a less bitter pomegranate, you've got it.

Now it's time for dinner, more karaoke with me probably singing Tears For Fears, and probably more Rex.
Rating
🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃
Categories
Juice
Company
Del Valle
Country
Mexico
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 5/5/12, 11:21 PM
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Sex Drive Energy Drink

Sex Drive Energy Drink
On the ship, there is a nightclub called "Rex." Since there is only one club, everyone who doesn't want to sleep is there and the joint is jumpin'. It's like a club for everyone because all sorts of people go; fat, white, black, latin, skinny, and everything in between. A few people who go are there to dance and have fun but some people are there to hunt. It's that animal instinct that brings me to this drink.

Only one of the guys we're with out of the eight of us is single and he is the epitome of single. Now I'm no stupid idiot. I know that drinks like this don't "work" like an ignoramus would think. No one that has their head on correctly would actually think that drinking one can of this stuff will make you a dynamo in the sack. Yeah, sure if you feel you need help in that department it might not sound like it could hurt and you'll try anything.

Regardless of your sexual prowess, you will be disappointed because this just tastes like Red Bull. Horny goat weed is something you buy at truck stops to stay awake while laying down night miles in your truck, not something you use for stimulation.

At the end of the night, our single friend and I split a can of this and didn't talk about it because there was nothing to talk about. We had something to look forward to because it's a drink called "Sex Drive," but not good enough to talk about. After that drink, singing karaoke, and watching a good comedian, we called it a night without even going to Rex. Maybe tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow. It's fun in there.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Other/Weird and Energy Drink
Company
Sex Drive@SexDriveEnergy
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Author
Mike Literman on 5/5/12, 10:58 PM
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Crisp Orange

Crisp Orange
When someone says the word crisp oranges would be one of the last things to cross my mind. Cucumbers are crisp. Apples are crisp. Potato chips, or crisps if you're British, are crisp. Oranges are not crisp. They are in fact the opposite of crisp. They are mushy and soft. I know this company makes other flavors (it is the store brand for Save-A-Lot), but really I can't shake this idea of a crisp orange. It would be weird and gross. An orange that would make a cracking noise if you were to break it in half is not an orange I would like to eat.

I suppose you could refer to a nice cold soda as crisp, but I still wouldn't refer to this soda as crisp. It's a pretty standard orange pop, like any store brand. It says it's a naturally flavored soda, but those natural flavors are surely not oranges or orange juice as they are nowhere to be found on the ingredients. It has that fake orange taste that tastes nothing like the fruit.

The only really notable thing about this soda is that it is the only orange pop I have ever had that contains caffeine. Strange times indeed.
Rating
🧃🧃🧃🧃🧃
Categories
Soda Pop
Company
Crisp
Country
United States
Sweetener
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Author
Jason Draper on 5/5/12, 10:54 PM
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Grace Tropical Rhythms June Plum

Grace Tropical Rhythms June Plum
Today we woke up to the sunny shore of Grand Cayman. An island whose economy is flourishing since the value of the US dollar is $0.80. Honestly, every drink I bought was not from a tourist trap and they were all over $3. I spent like $20 on about half a dozen pretty basic drinks.

Anyhow, Jessika and I went scuba...ing and it was awesome: tarpon as big as a six years old boy plus a legit shipwreck.

There was no rhyme or reason as to what I picked first but you should know that I was a bit partial to this drink as Grace stuff has been wonderful to us Thirsty Dudes.

I don't know what a june plum is, but I think I know what a golden apple, which is the parenthesized title of this drink. My guess is a yellow apple. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Either way the flavor was that of a weak apple. It doesn't stop there, though. There was ginger in it and that little bit of bite, that little bit of spice, made this drink. It wasn't as much as a ginger beer, but it was enough to make you do a double take because it "zinged" you. You got zinged, dogg.

I can't get this stuff back home, hence, why I got it on the Cayman Islands. Sure, everything is too expensive, even for a tourist trap, but it did give me this little gem.
Rating
🧃🧃🧃🧃🧃
Categories
Juice
Company
GraceWebsite
Country
Jamaica
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Mike Literman on 5/5/12, 10:34 PM
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Neuro Passion

Neuro Passion
Passion. Unfortunately, I don't think I've got it in me. Oh, it's absolutely terrible and I don't wish it on anyone. I'll tell you who does, though, this kid John. All night he was talking about going to the "singles mingle." He picked me as his wingman. Before the mingle we went to the casino and played some slots and blackjack. I don't like gambling and have never had great luck so it's better that I didn't play so I couldn't complain about losing $20. One of our friends won $500 on a machine but her husband may have lost it on drinks, slots, and blackjack so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say they're a push. Like that? Blackjack terms.

One thing that distracted me was this old man we befriended. He had on a gold Rolex Day-Date with diamonds on the bezel. Pretty money, dude. I was mesmerized.

We decided that our fashionable lateness was about due so we went around the corner to the singles mingle. Slim pickings friends. Oh, there were some birds there, but they weren't putting it out there, if you know what I mean. Girls were too busy with their friends or boyfriends to hang. John tried with a couple girls but they weren't having it. I spent my time talking to this kid Nate from California and then a drunk kid in a wheelchair threw up on himself in an equal part sad and gross display and we called it a night.

Maybe if everyone were half as smooth as I am and they were serving this Neuro Passion drink, everyone would be spending the night with their lover of choice. I've never had a wingman or a Neuro drink but this opened up the floodgates to new experiences. It was good and was shaped like a missile or something. It was lightly carbonated and did actually taste a bit like passion fruit. I'm hoping for a jolt of energy because the gentle rocking of the boat knocks me out. I was in the gym on the bike and I ate healthy so between that and this drink, we should be ready for a night filled with karaoke and fun.

Tomorrow Grand Cayman.
Rating
🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛
Categories
Other/Weird and Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
NeuroWebsite@drinkneuro
Country
United States
Sweetener
Crystalline Fructose
Author
Mike Literman on 5/5/12, 10:26 PM
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Gatorade Perform 02 Fruit Punch

Gatorade Perform 02 Fruit Punch
I was about to say that his is where sports drinks began, but then a quick internet search and I discovered that Lemon Lime was the original Gatorade flavor in 1965. Can you believe that this stuff has been around for so long? I wonder how different the original drink was to the ones that are readily available today.

While this may not have been the original, it certainly was the first I ever had. I used to go with my cousin to his soccer games in some strange sports complex. The concession stand there sold Gatorade and that's all I ever got. It made me feel like an athlete even though I wasn't playing. I was also probably five at the time and an idiot. I should have just been playing instead of sitting in the stands like a fool. Whatever. This is the flavor I always got, fruit punch. I'm sure this is an altered version of it, but it still tastes like slightly watered down Hawiian Punch. I'm glad that the company has gotten back off of the HFCS sweetener and gone with sucrose. The drink is way less syrupy this way.

I think as a rule no one should ever need to drink fruit punch (unless it actually is just a bunch of different fruit juices mixed together with no sweetener added), but if you find yourself craving it, I would choose this over its competitors. It's not so overpoweringly strong.
Rating
🧃🧃🧃🧃🧃
Categories
Sports/Dietary Supplement
Company
GatoradeWebsite@Gatorade
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sucrose
Author
Jason Draper on 5/5/12, 3:08 PM
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Uncle Matt's Grapefruit Juice

Uncle Matt's Grapefruit Juice
Do you remember Uncle Traveling Matt from Fraggle Rock? Well, he's back in a big way. What they never really delved into during the show was that the whole reason for Matt's travels was that he was searching for a fruit that he had once tried as a child. He was so fixated on a fruit whose name that he had never known that he traversed the globe and tried every fruit he could get his hands on.

His trip would have been cut way shorter if it wasn't for the great blunder of `93. That was when he first visited Florida and tried an orange. He thought that it was similar to the fruit of his memories, but it wasn't quite there. It was on that same trip that he passed a grapefruit orchard, but he kept right on going because he mistook them for unripe oranges. Since that time he had gone all over the world and felt that he must start over. On his second trip to Florida a few years ago he finally tasted a grapefruit and the memories came flooding back. The way it's sour juices spilled over his throat in such unique way. He had tried it with sugar, and sure it was tasty, but he felt it ruined the magic of the fruit. He spent the day as if it were a dream wandering the orchard and gorging himself on the yellow fruit.

The next morning he took what was left of his monies and purchased the orchard. He then went to task or juicing the wonderful fruit for the world to enjoy. He sent a case back to Gobo and the rest of the Fraggles, but they never received them. After Doc passed away the Fraggles never seemed to receive their mail anymore. It was a travesty.
“Oh well,” thought Matt at least the world could still experience his juice, which was made of nothing but the nectar of organically grown grapefruits. He never made it from concentrate, nor did he ever add sugar. Matt was a purist when it came to fruit juice and the world thanked him for his wonderfully sour juice.
Rating
🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Categories
Juice
Company
Uncle Matt'sWebsite@UncleMatts
Country
United States
Sweetener
No Sugar Added
Author
Jason Draper on 5/5/12, 12:09 PM
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Hansen's Natural Cane Soda Creamy Root Beer

Hansen's Natural Cane Soda Creamy Root Beer
Mike and I get nutty over Hansen's sodas. A few years ago he ordered a case and he and editor Dan went on a mini tour with my old band. We drank way more soda than anyone should, but we were stuck in a van for long periods of time, and you get bored, so you drink. The thing is that Mike ordered all of the fruity flavors. They were all great. Even when they were on the verge of boiling from being in the van for days in the middle of August, they still tasted good (albeit extremely weird and corrosive). For as much as I love their other sodas this is the first time that I have tried their root beer, and I am shockingly not impressed. It tastes like the company took a normal everyday root beer like A&W or Dads and just switched out the sweetener for cane sugar. There's nothing really special to the flavor at all. Since it claims to be creamy, I expected there to be a heavy vanilla presence, but it's only slightly more apparent than in “normal” root beers. I can't say that I dislike it at all, but I just expected more from a company who has made other sodas that were so spectacular.
Rating
🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Categories
Root Beer and Soda Pop
Company
Hansen'sWebsite@HansensNatural
Country
United States
Sweetener
Sugar
Author
Jason Draper on 5/4/12, 5:20 PM
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