After the ridiculous amounts of soda we've been drinking lately this is a nice change. Everything has been so overly sweet, and to be honest I've been getting some stomachaches. I need a bit of a break from the sugar. This is a soda with no sweeteners added. Now that is pretty awesome. The Sparkling Organics line is 70% juice. That is something I really appreciate. It's really light and bursting with citrus flavor. I need more drinks like this so I can kiss my gut rot goodbye.

With the exception of a couple of root beers, I don't think I ever had soda that was sweetened with honey. I never really thought about it, but now it seems strange to me that more companies don't use it in their pops. Thomas Kemper loves their honey. In fact it's part of their image. Like awkwardness in Michael Cera movies, honey is the unifying factor in their sodas. I don't care if he pretty much plays the same character in all his movies. He's entertaining and he makes me laugh. Honey doesn't make me laugh. There's nothing intrinsically funny about honey, or bees for that matter. Well maybe bee stings, like when Martin Short gets stung in Pure Luck. Now that was humor. See honey has gotten me off track.
This is one of the creamiest cream sodas I've ever had. That aforementioned honey makes it even smoother. That vanilla...wooooohooo that's some strong vanilla. It's like the essence of a dozen boxes of Nilla Wafers liquefied into one glorious little bottle. Thomas Kemper has their niche with this whole honey business. It's gives all their sodas a distinct flavor. I could totally pick them every time in one of those blind taste tests that were all the rage in the 80s.

You would be wrong if you thought that reviewing all these drinks wouldn't concern me. I am concerned. Believe you me. When I get a chance to relax and drink some unsweetened tea, I jump at the opportunity. Since I have had nothing but good things from China Mist, I knew that I could save this one for a special occasion where I just couldn't handle any more sugar and needed to refresh my palate a little bit. That's just what this tea does. It's got a nice green tea flavor that starts you off, and then, right when you're on the edge, blueberry sweetness comes in to talk you down. It's actually very, very good and I will be buying more in the future, both in bottles and in tea bags, as China Mist produces both. Blueberry is like Bruce Willis where he's standing there, gun drawn, pointing at the criminal who's going to jump off some city skyscraper. You are that criminal. Why you would run to the top of a 64-story building because Bruce Willis caught you stealing a pack of Big League Chew, I have no idea, but you did, and Bruce cared about you enough to draw a gun on you and follow you to the rooftops. So in the end of the movie, he talks you down from the edge which was stupid for you to go to in the first place, you split the grape gum, and Samuel L. Jackson missed the whole thing because he's not in that scene because he's too busy in another scene chasing a woman on foot who is carrying his baby but she doesn't know it yet.

I think it went straight to DVD.

I seem to be reviewing way more coffee drinks than I expected to. This one's not too bad. It has tons of milk and tons of sugar. Just what the non-coffee drinker ordered. It tastes like coffee flavored toffees. Latte, that means coffee for kids, right? Is it considered a gateway drink to harder coffees? Are there programs at elementary schools to warn against this? They tell horror stories of kids pushing lattes on their classmates on the playground. Then it's them in coffee shops trying mocha on the weekends with their friends. It then cuts to them working in a cubicle downing obscene amounts of black coffee just to make it through the day. A video like that would steer me away from the caffeinated devil.

Not what I expected, not what I wanted. Yes, this is a barley drink, but it's not good to me. My dad always taught me that if I was going to be opinionated, I should end all my opinionated statements with "to me" so that I'm not demonstrating close mindedness. My dad is a smart man. Smart enough to not drink this drink. It's barley, through and through but it's a bit...sweet and earthy. I know that might sound good, but it tastes more like you're in a field, hanging out with Huck Finn, chewing on a stalk of barley, wearing no shoes, talking about how you're going to make a sweet raft out of logs and push yourself down the river.

I never read Huck Finn, although I feel like I've seen enough parodies of it to know what happens. Something about faking death in a church, whitewashing fence posts, kids stuff.

This is my first mangosteen juice. I've had drinks that were flavored with it, but never an actual juice. I had expected it to be extremely harsh, like other "superfruit" juices I've drank in the past. It turns out it's pretty darn smooth. To me it tastes like a plum, if plums were a citrus fruit.
I didn't know it until today, but mangosteen is the "Queen of Fruit." Companies also claim it can cure cancer, dysentery, and bacterial infections. If any of that is actually true this certainly is a magical fruit with super powers. I will definitely be keeping an eye out for other mangosteen beverages.

When I was around 12 years old I learned a very hard but very important lesson. I learned what favoritism was. It was a terrible feeling but something that is a necessity for one to learn as early as possible so that they don't turn into the cynical jerk that I am today. No, I do not blame Tae-Kwon-Do for turning me into a cynical jerk, and I actually credit Tae-Kwon-Do for teaching me things like responsibility, punctuality, respect, defense, and (to a lesser extent) honor.

I took Tae-Kwon-Do for around seven years and I really liked it. I had a lot of friends, I did well, I got to get my black belt in Toronto which was a lot of fun and my aunt told me that on the way there, I might see things like boys kissing boys and girls holding other girls hands and that it was OK.

Where the lesson came from was there was a kid named Ryan, and yes, that was his real name. Like Taylor Swift, I too, can name names. He always got to do all the cool stuff, all the attention, and yes, I will admit he was better than me, but there is a scale to how much attention one person can get and one person can't get. It eventually got to me so much that I didn't really want to go anymore. Than combined with the fact that the owner kept "losing" our checks and probably ever other month, my mom had to come in the office and convince him we paid our dues and he would find our check in a pile of other kids checks that were probably double and triple paying because their mom's weren't smart enough to not give him the benefit of the doubt.

There is no favoritism in this drink. Half and half and that's it. It's like there is a strip of tape right down the middle of the room. Purity doesn't care if you have a closet and your brother who sucks has the door to get out of the room. You can leave out the window and you will like it. It's a fair game in this bottle and I appreciate it. Sure, some people are better at some things than others, but everyone deserves a fair shot: black and white, boys and girls, adults and children, Ryan and myself, iced tea and lemonade. We're all equal to Purity. I wish you taught me Tae-Kwon-Do. I would break boards with you all day.

Open this up. Take a sip. It's fairly normal root beer, nothing too fancy. Oh wait what is that? It has a strange aftertaste. It's like someone drank 1/3 of this and then refilled the bottle with Moxie. It's a flavor that I can't really put my finger on. In Moxie it's almost medicinal, but not quite. In this it doesn't even get that far. I think it's the yucca extract that gives it that taste. It's unique in that aspect, but the actual root beer flavor leaves a little to be desired. It's better than your standard root beer, but it doesn't hold up against some of the "classier" root beers I've had lately.

I blame Scott Pilgrim vs. The World for me buying this bottle. I have probably watched that movie 20 times in the past 2 months. Apparently the constant and obviously Coke Zero product placement in it got into my head because I don't ever buy diet sodas.

As far as zero calorie aspartame infused diet sodas are concerned, this isn't the worst I've ever had. The cola is smooth and light before the awful diet taste burns the back of your throat. All I can think about when drinking this is the aspartame turning into formaldehyde inside of me.

White gourd drink? Yes, I will. Who could possibly love this? Why is this made? What could this taste like? How many units of this could Yeo possibly sell annually? Well, once you get past the fact that it is, in fact, made from actual white gourd juice, you find out that it's not terrible. At first sip for me, I guessed that it tasted like caramel and, lo and behold, caramel is one of the ingredients. From there, everyone else who drank it thought something different like pretzels, peanuts, and a Snickers bar. No one is wrong. It somehow manages to taste like all of these at the same time. As soon as someone said "pretzel" I tasted it and it tasted like a pretzel. It's like the chameleon of strange flavored drinks.

This is a good drink to get someone who was unsuspecting, make them drink it, not tell them what it is, and then have them say, "Oh, it's not bad." before you told them, "Ha ha ha! You just drank gourd juice, dude!" I'm just doing what I can to make this drink part of your everyday life and your everyday pranks.

As Mike pointed out when we drank this, this tastes a bit like a mix between lemonade and a ginger ale. It's like a bizarro version of a "Brass Monkey," except instead of drinking half of a 40oz someone drank half of a bottle of ginger ale, and then they replaced the orange juice with lemonade. Not exactly worthy of a Beastie Boys song, but you do what you can. My only problem with this is that they used fermented ginger root. It gives it that apple cider about to turn. I can do without my drinks tasting vaguely alcoholic. It's not too bad, but the thought is in my head and that's enough to slightly turn me off. I could definitely see how other people would really enjoy this. I know I really wish I did more.

Something...something's not quite right. You know when you leave the house and something feels right and around 11:48 in the morning, you check your watch to find out...ahhh...I didn't wear a watch. How about that feeling when you think you forgot something? That might be worse than knowing that you forgot something because it's essentially forgetting if you forgot something. It's a two-fer.

This isn't a bad flavor at the end but at the beginning something is going on that I can't explain. It's very sweet and very dark too, like "cup dying" dark. I stopped drinking a lot of powdered juice because I saw it stain a counter top once and thought, "if that can dye that, what is it doing to my insides" like someone is going to rip me open and analyze me by the color of my throat and stomach lining. Hey, it could happen.

This isn't the best black cherry pop I've ever had. It's not bad, but it's not something I'd return to. After the Kutztown sarsaparilla, I thought it was looking up and no, this isn't a black eye for them, it's just kind of like that sadly ugly sister that everyone knows is the nicest girl around, but no one wants to verbally say anything to her.

The art on the cans of energy drinks always amuses me. This can, for instance, is wrapped in barbed wire. I understand why they would do this due to the demographic they're trying get to buy their drink, but I wonder how many people they turn off? Or inversely, how many people actually pick up this can and go "Sweet! I'm getting the drink with the barbed wire on it!"

As far as taste goes, I am disappointed with this. I assumed since it was called "dragon berry" that the flavor would be a mix of dragon fruit and berry. Sadly, there is no dragon fruit taste, and the slight strawberry taste is masked by the usual nasty energy drink taste. This is definitely not the worst energy drink I've ever had, but it's far from the best. The energy part of the drink definitely works as I've only had 1/4 of the can and I already have the energy to clean my entire house.

Ahh adulthood. You'd made it, little guy. You made it through high school and did well on your worthless SATs. You went to community college for general education until you raised enough money working at your dad's shoe store, Paul's Boutique, to go to a four year school and study what you've always wanted to; accounting. You got your associates degree in science, which is virtually worthless as you didn't do anything scientific and you're pretty sure that they just give AS's away but at least you've got something to show for two of the easiest years of your life. Then, when attending university, you met a nice brunette with sweet cans, not that it matters (good job, son) and started dating. Not letting your girlfriend get in the way of your studies and not letting your studies get in the way of your apprenticeship at that abomination you call a bank, what? It's true. Son, they have one teller and I'm sure that she's no less than ninety years old. Either way, congratulations. Now you're married for going on five years, have one girl and another baby of a mystery sex...your mother doesn't understand why you won't just find out what it's going to be. Anyhow, you've really made something of yourself. To reward you, I've purchased this single bottle of Wegman's Sicilian Lemon Frizzante. It's an Italian soda from thousands of miles from Italy, regardless of its multiple references to the "Boot" region of Europe. Lemonade is great, but this is more mature, bolder, and bitterer, like life. Yes, son, this is like the lemonade of life. It's mostly pretty sweet but at times it can be bitter but you know that the sweetness will come back. It's not like kids lemonade that's all sugar all the time. That stuff is for kids and the poor. What? I can say whatever I want under my own roof. I worked hard at my shoe store for over 30 years, honing my craft and touching all sorts of gross feet. Anyhow, congratulations on your one bottle of pop that I've bought you. I hope you like it. I know that I did the other three.

"That tastes like boring cereal!" That was our friend Dan's first response to trying this. He was totally right, but that's not all it tastes like. It's like someone got out their old pestle and mortar and ground up a handful of banana Runts into a fine powder. Then they used the self same tool and ground up a big ole box of Kix cereal. They made sure to mix it all together for consistencies sake and then dumped it in to some honey sweetened water. That's it. Oh wait no it's not. How could I have forgotten the hundreds of floating little amoeba looking chunks in the bottle? The manufacturer says they are basil seeds, but the weird slimy coating on them leads me to believe that they are in fact TADPOLE EGGS! Okay, I know they aren't really, but they really do look like them. It looks like tadpole eggs floating in the urine of someone who takes a lot of vitamins. It's a nice rich yellow color. It's unfortunate for the Caravelle company and myself that I like neither Kix nor bananas.

A carabao is a domesticated subspecies of the water buffalo found in the Philippines and Southeast Asia. This is the reason for the skull on the front of this can. Why am I rambling about this? I have no idea.

I was surprised that this wasn't carbonated, as most energy drinks are I believe. Maybe that's just how they do it in Thailand. I was also surprised how not awful tasting this was. It's really sweet and doesn't have the awful aftertaste that most energy drinks have. It has a slight pineapple taste to it. But it tastes very similar to red bull minus the bite.

It's Tuesday. Let me rephrase that. It's Thirsty Tuesday (as all Tuesdays are. That means we go get burritos and then hit up stores in search of new drinks to review. Today we went to Wegmans. It's a slight point of controversy around Buffalo, but I claim they have the best burritos in the city. It's probably just because the tofu they use is delicious. You don't agree? We can easily settle this argument like gentlemen, with a round of Rock Paper Scissors.

Wegmans' burritos are meant to be enjoyed with unsweetened tea. I also go with the green jasmine. It's so nicely bitter, and jasmine is a great flavor to add to any tea. It cleans the palate so you can properly enjoy your burrito. Now I need to polish these chips and salsa that accompanied my meal.

I am not too familiar with guava. I think as a standard American, I'm used to fruits like apples, grapes, oranges, and watermelon. Oh, and mush melon. Honeydew is great, too. Oh, man do I love pineapple, too. Mangoes and Guava were unheard of until I was, without exaggeration, 15 or something. By then, I had a handful of great fruits to rely on and that I liked. Why would I need anything else? Well, why do I need to drink beverages with chunks in it? Why do I need to eat things with ham on it? I eat them because they're friggin' delicious and someone made them and why not. That's why.

I don't blame my parents for not giving me "exotic" fruits. It's not their fault. They bought like ten other fruits regularly. I can't hold my parents responsible for not introducing me to everything. That's a ridiculous demand and I understand that.

This drink, guava in flavor, is good. It's right on the cusp of sweetness. Teetering on the fence of good and a bit too sweet, this drink was very bold. It has so much fruit flavor. After drinking those Alo aloe vera drinks, these aloe chunks seem baby sized. I'm not using that against them or even asking them to step up their chunk game. Just stating something I noticed.

Enough review, go drink.

This is one big bottle. It's supposed to be three servings, but I was feeling a bit gluttonous so I downed the whole bottle. Don't judge me. I was thirsty. It was delicious. I'm a grown ass man. I do what I do.

I love the amount of carbonation Bottle Green uses. The bubbles are so tiny and plentiful. Elderberry is the bandleader in this Broadway production of a sparkling drink. The pomegranate is present, but it's just a supporting role. I wish I had more knowledge of some Broadway shows so that I could make a more specific analogy, but I am an uncultured bumpkin. I prefer free-for-alls for hill people.

Juggalos of the world rejoice, it's our first review of Faygo! Even though this is labeled as a creme cola, it just tastes like cream soda to me. Not just any cream soda though, this is very close to soda mousse. For those who have never ventured into Canada before, soda mousse is a delicious red cream soda. Unlike traditional cream soda, it doesn't have a strong vanilla taste. Given the red color, my brain wants to associate it with a berry flavor, but there is none there. It's a delicious cream soda, and it's not just for fans of ICP.