Milk - 79 Reviews

It's rough being eight. I can't have everything I want. Sure, I don't get homework and my math is just adding and subtracting and I only get like four hours a day to play with friends. I have no responsibilities except to brush my teeth, which I only do when mom is watching. I also feed the dog the food I don't want for dinner under the table regardless of what my dad says. So DJ Biacco the chihuahua has gained fifteen pounds and my parents have no idea why. I don't care. I'm eight and don't completely understand consequences.

One thing that I want is pop, all the time. I love it and my dumb mom never lets me have it. I don't care if I lose teeth; they just keep growing back, right? That's why I don't brush them, as I have previously mentioned. So I love pop and want more of it, number one. Number two, more strawberry milk needs to be stocked in the house. I love it and once again, I can't have it all the time and that's just not fair.

You know what would be great? Strawberry milk pop. Man, if they ever made that then I would just lose my mind. Wait, what? They do? You've got to be kidding me. I have to get some. You have some? It's strange that you would have this on you. If I didn't know better, you would be trying to get me in your van. I don't think you have any. You do have it! I will get in the van because I see that you have video games and pizza in there, but just to eat one slice and try this Milkis.

Ahh! How did no one tell me about...yeah you can close the door. How did no one tell me about this before? It tastes like carbonated strawberry milk. This is the best drink I have ever had.

Where are we going? Oh, we're here? Oh, there's my house. Thanks for taking me home, although it was strange that you did that since I only live two blocks from where we were. Thanks anyhow and thanks for this Milkis.

What do I crave? I crave chocolate milk that is thick. I want chocolate milk that is on the cusp of a milkshake. Why? Why would you ask me? Do you like thin, runny chocolate milk? That's for kids...well chocolate milk is for kids. I mean, chocolate milk is for everyone. Greg, a dude I work with who beat me in go-carts over the weekend, cannot stop drinking these once he starts and he's in his thirties. This is nice, thick chocolate milk. It's got a rich flavor that you don't care about slamming. Plus, due to the fact that it's in that rad aluminum can, you can shake it up all you want and create perfect, frothy chocolate milk. What more could you ask for? You want one now, don't you? I'm a salesman. I'm hired.

I purchased this little gem as part of a mean sixer at a local Asian supermarket. I have been looking at it but have been too cheap to drop the necessary $4 to buy it. If it were in singles or an assorted pack, dude, I would have reviewed all of them, but when it comes to spending $4 on a juice box that I am going to drink one of and give the rest away, it's hard. I know my girlfriend has drunk two, Derek has one, I just drank one and that leaves a few more. I think I promised Jay one. Anyhow, the review...

I was impressed. I have had some strange, imported soy chocolate milk and they are gross. This rivals YooHoo, but probably not Nesquik because that is pretty darn fantastic in my opinion. This, to me, I think would be kid friendly, too. It's still a crap-load of calories (160) but if your son is lactose intolerant and needs chocolate milk, this won't make him get sick.

I really think that this could stand the kid taste test, too. If you had your kid drink 15 non-market chocolate milk boxes and then snuck one of these buddies in there, two things would happen.
1. I would call CPS on you because you just gave your kid 16 chocolate milks in one sitting and are a terrible parent.
2. Before you got carted away by the authorities, your kid wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

If you're vegan or lactose intolerant, get this. If you still don't want chocolate milk, enjoy your menial desk job, your boring car, your turkey sandwiches with the crust cut off, and your "Hang In There" cat poster, turd.

Yeah, it's just chocolate milk, mom. You don't understand what it's like. Do you know what it is like to be 13? It's hard. You've got girls and homework. Well...yeah, you might have had girls and homework, too. And you had to ride in cars without seat belts? Well whatever, mom. It's 2011 and everything is harder. This chocolate milk isn't even from here. It's from the Netherlands. I don't even know what it is. It's illegal to have in this country. Oh, you just can't sell it here, but it's fine if it comes in? Well, check it out. Glass bottle. Oh, everything you had was in a glass bottle? You must have had it rough? Do you want to share this Chocomel? It's pretty good. It's like a real Nesquik. It's not as creamy but tastes more natural. You know what? I know I'm all grown up at 13, but you're pretty cool, even if you do drive a minivan. Oh, you had to sell your motorcycle when you had me? Sorry, man, you're tough.

Of all the alt-milks out there, almond milk is by far my favorite. It's smooth and doesn't taste watery or chalky. As far as vegan chocolate milk goes, this is the best. It's super rich and delicious and makes me wish I had Oreos to dip into it. I don't know why I only buy this every few months. When I have it in the fridge it rarely lasts longer than a few days.

It's a steaming hot day. It's so hot that you can't even comprehend the idea of moving. You are soaked with sweat just from breathing. This fan isn't doing anything. There's only one thing that can save the day. A Slurpie? No that's kids stuff. You're an adult now and the only thing that will cool you down is a nice ice-cold bottle of soymilk. Crack one open and chug it. As you wipe some dribble off your chin you are the picture of refreshment. You've beaten that heat.

Obviously that is completely fabricated because of two important things.
1. Slurpies are for all ages. They cool down your body like nothing else. On top of that they are delicious. I don't think I could ever trust someone who tells me they don't like them.
2. Soymilk, or cow milk for that matter, is not refreshing at all. I love it on my cereal, but other than the chocolate variety, I can't see myself ever downing a glass of it for pleasure. It's very strange to me to have it in single serve glass bottles.

Also soymilk and tofu are both made out of soybeans, so why don't they taste similar? I think Vita Milk had the same thought and decided to do something about it. This tastes like they took bricks of tofu and put them in a blender with way more sugar than is ever needed. I think I'll stick to my vanilla soymilk on my cereal in the morning.

Milky and fruity? Interesting. As a scientist, I had to buy this drink. I didn't think that it was going to be bad, but I also didn't really know what to expect. With milk, you're kind of rolling dice. Giant dice. Fun dice that you would roll at a local discount home improvement store in order to get a percentage off of your purchase price. After opening the can, I looked in and it was creamy white. It smelled sweet and fruity and actually quite inviting. I poured some out to two different Mike's, one Kevin, and then myself, the third Mike.

I liked it. It was pretty sweet, but, as you could guess, smooth on account of milks doing. The apple was a pretty truthful apple flavor. I might say green apple if I have to pick. It's pretty good. Nothing like Apple Jacks, like you might imagine apple and milk would taste. That's bad for people who love cereal and think it would be a good idea to bottle and sell cereal milk. I've got news for you, friends. You aren't the only one who has thought of it.

If you didn't chuckle at the name of this drink I assure you, you have no soul. It's funny. You know a little wacky word play. I give up. You were tragically born without a sense of humor.

I would have really liked this a lot more if it didn't have dairy in it. It really would have made a great juice. All of the berries really blend well together. Instead it tastes like a liquid version of those Lifesavers Creme Savers candy. Those never sat right with me. Solidified creme is just plain strange.

Thirsty Dude comrade Dan has been pulling on my pant leg ever since I told him I bought this drink. I've had it in my fridge for weeks. Months even. It's just been sitting there. Every time I open the door to get another drink, there's that moose, staring me in the face, asking me "Hey Mike. When is it time for you and me to spend some one-on-one time. You love Hall and Oates, right? I know, who doesn't? You know that song mano-a-mano? You and me, dude. Mano-a-mano. Let's do this thing, already." Literally every time I opened the fridge, he would say that to me. Since no one likes a broken record, or a skipping needle, or even a skipping CD, today had to be the day. I shook it up thoroughly. Got out to glasses. Split that drink right in half; half of it for me, half of it for Dan and none for corgis. You know what happened after that? I took one sip and didn't like it, plain as that. I don't know why they called it Cookies & Cream since it didn't taste anything like cookies and cream. It didn't taste anything like cookies or cream, but it did taste like cruddy chocolate milk. I would not recommend this and I would not buy this again. I do not regret my purchase, but I have considered it a learning experience as to what not to do again.

North American Beverage Co? Number one, change your name. You sound like a government subsidy or a company that only makes drinks for elementary school cafeterias. Number two? Drop this item from your line.

Living on the border of Canada has its advantages. One of them is the awesomeness that is Canadian candy. Seriously, they put the U.S. to shame. When I was in high school/college I knew a ton of people that would take trips up to the Great White North to stock up on confectionery supplies, as well as a lower drinking age and strip clubs. Nowadays there are a ton of convenient stores and gas stations started carrying one of those three.

Even though (for the millionth time) I'm not a big coffee fan, I do enjoy Coffee Crisp. This evening some friends and I went up to Canada to eat at Licks Home Burgers. They seriously have some of the best veggie burgers and onion rings I've ever tasted. We stopped at a corner store to check out the beverage scene up there, and my eyes got pretty huge when I saw this in the cooler. It tastes pretty much like you would expect; chocolate milk with a hint of coffee. It's smooth, but it somehow leaves the impression of the grittiness of the candy bar. Okay it tastes like a liquefied candy bar. Fans of Canadian candy and chocolate milk take note.

Baby, I love you so much. You look great in that negligee that I got you on sale from Sears when I was waiting for my car to be serviced. Darn alternator is always acting up. You know, you've driven it. I think that Carl, the guy at the counter had it out for me because he gave me a look of hatred when I brought it the car...kind of like the look you're giving me now. Baby, what's up? I just wanted to tell you about my day before we...you know...rocked the sheets. You don't want to hear about the Pinto? Strange, anyhow, I thought that we could have some fun before we got down to business and I picked this up. You know how you're always thirsty after we're done? Oh wait; maybe that's me, anyhow. Cleaning up chocolate is a mess. It doesn't come out of anything. The last thing I want you to do is worry about cleaning at a time like this. Also, I know you like strawberries, but it's not really in season so I did the next best thing. I stopped at a gas station on the way home from work today and picked up a can of Crave strawberry chocolate milk that I thought we could share while we're, you know, doing it. I know, strawberry and chocolate. You know how you've had your eyes on a Prius, but this is like a delicious hybrid of its own.

Drink up, baby. I keep calling you baby to try and get you in the mood because you don't really look like you're in to it anymore. I don't really get it but give this a quick swig. It's not bad. It tastes like chocolate covered gummy strawberries. That's cool, right? Plus, it comes in this pretty awesome aluminum can so it keeps cold longer. Why are you turning the TV on, I thought we were going to...oh turn that back! I love Psych. Move over, you're taking up the whole bed.

Many of the frequent Thirsty Dudes and Thirsty Dames have recommended Milo to me. I looked and looked and looked but couldn't find it anywhere. People were willing to ship it to me from the outer reaches of the earth, and for that I thank them. Lucky for me, Jay found it at an Asian market that we actually frequent, frequently. So here we are today, judgment day. Judgment day for Milo.

It was pretty good. It wasn't as thick as I thought it would be. It was not like chocolate milk but more like a thinner soymilk. I couldn't taste any nutrients or minerals. I can't really feel the energy surging...coursing? Yeah, coursing. I can't feel the energy coursing through my body but who cares? It's pretty good and the masses love it.

So, enjoy thirsty guys and gals. It's good. You were right.

You've got two screaming kids. Sometimes they suck. Face it. Your "angels" aren't perfect. Honestly, they don't suck. They're still screaming and you have to solve this predicament ASAP. You open the fridge and you've got a little bit of chocolate milk. Not enough for two stupid kids, but maybe one and a half kids. Since you "can't" cut little Tommy in half you have no choice but to, gulp, water down the chocolate milk. You do it, don't look back, and give those brats something to stop their crying.

You can tell the difference because you're an adult and have been drinking chocolate milk your entire life. Those kids sucked it right up. What you tastes. Tastes like this CK chocolate soybean drink. It's not as thick as regular chocolate milk or soymilk. Maybe that soymilk and soybean drink are different even though they are made from the same animal.

Your kids are now fine and you found that watered down chocolate milk passes the kid test. It's a fiscal score for you. Good job. Not so much for CK. It was under $1 so it's not a jip. You got what you paid for.

Eggnog is one of the foulest beverages in the history of the world. Eggs and milk mixed? No thanks! Ever since I was a kid I loathed the stuff. I don't give a rip if Santa loves the stuff. You know what I do care if he likes it. He can have my share.
A couple of years back a friend got a carton of Silk Nog and I went off about how gross the stuff was. I was then basically forced to try it. I was shocked that I actually enjoyed the stuff. I don't know if it was just that I knew it wasn't made out of disgusting ingredients or if it's just better than eggnog. I will tell you this, it's not as thick as eggnog, but it's by no means watery. When you go to take a sip and breath in through your mouth, a strong taste hits you before the liquid. It's like an aftertaste in reverse. I think Silk has mastered quantum physics with this beverage. I've never had that happen before with a drink. When it finally hits your tongue it's very creamy, and tastes like light holiday spices.
Every since that day I've gotten a handful of cartons of this a year. It's not an all the time drink, but a nice glass of it every once and a while is really nice. I guess I have to get in the holiday mood in some way, and I choose to do so eating cookies and drinking Silk Nog.

Ooooh. So let me get this straight. You're vegan and it's Christmas? Well that is very saddening. You can't have any milks or meats. That's unfortunate. And now you're telling me that you used to love Hot Chocolate with milk like mama used to make? Oh, and you used to put a peppermint stick in it to really hit it home? I'm very sorry that you can no longer have that. Let me present to you, though, something very on par that is not just for you, but also for the rest of us. It's from West Soy and it's chocolate with peppermint stick and tastes just like (cold) hot chocolate with mama's recommendation of puttin' a peppermint stick in it. What more could you ask for? Warmth? You could probably boil it or put it in the microwave, but at the speed that you can slam/chug it, you won't want to waste time warming it up. Just leave it on the shelf and kind of meet the world half way and drink it at room temperature.

Look, you can drink it however you want to. I'm not your friggin' dad. I'm not going to tell you what to do. You asked what you could drink as a malnourished vegan on Christmas and I told you. What else do you want? Do you want me to go to the store, buy some, then buy some glasses, pour the drink in said glass, and then pour the drink down your throat? That's dangerous. You could choke. I don't know your oral liquid limits. I'm not in your mouth. What am I, your tongue? Leave me alone.

One of the things I miss most about being vegan is eggnog. I used to drink it straight from the carton. I loved how thick and delicious it was. I'm glad every year there seems to be more non-dairy eggnogs available. This one, made with rice milk, isn't my favorite. It has a decent "nog" taste. It's not overloaded with nutmeg, which is good. But rice milk isn't my favorite alt-milk, so it's a little to thin for my taste. But if you prefer a light eggnog, this is the drink for you.

Although I very rarely drink a glass of this, it is my go to soymilk to put on my cereal. The vanilla isn't so strong that it's more powerful than the actual flavor of the cereal, but it's there enough so that when you do have a glass of it, it doesn't just taste like soy. I can get behind it. Regular milk is so gross. I just can't do it. That means soy and Silk wins out.

Well...color me impressed. I read the label and it says "Milk Shake". Whatever dude, it's just chocolate milk lying to me. I will sincerely apologize to you, Chug, as you have actually released a milk shake in a bottle.

I bought this over at the Dollar General on a whim and what a good whim. It is the thickest, creamiest "milkshake in a bottle" I've ever had. It's as if you bought a legit milkshake at your local chromed our diner and let it sit on the table for ten minutes. It tastes like the bottom of every chocolate milkshake you've ever had.

Convinced? Do it. Tom Scharpling says, "Do it." Henry Rollins says, "Do it." I say, "Do it."

Who doesn't love chocolate milk? Not me. Love the stuff. It's downright awful for you, but seriously you're drinking chocolate. What do you expect?

This stuff tastes like pudding skins, which is ultra awesome. I love me some chocolate mousse, and I might be lucky if I get it more than once a year. This drink will not supplement my desire for said treat, but you know what? This isn't just chocolate milk. It's not the delicious, processed, smooth Nesquik or whatever you're used to drinking. This is different. It's probably the Dutch cocoa they use to make it.

I would say if you're not vegan, and you see this, get it and leave a comment, please. I'm interested in what others think of this stuff. I got it at my local Big Lots, which, if it is not nationwide, is a discount everything store, kind of in the same vein as Aldi's if you have that, although I don't think they carry this.