Do you like water? Do you like having your throat itched by tiny bubbles? Are you sick of sugar? Then here you go. This is simply carbonated water and there's not much to it, because there is not supposed to be. Enjoy.

Here I am sitting in my pod waiting for my morning rations to be distributed. Oh, here it is now. If you're reading this, then you're probably in the past. Sometime in the early 21st century I presume. You know how there's a bunch of horrible things going on in the world, but there is also a bunch of really rad stuff as well? Well the rad things just aren't enough and everything falls apart. There are wars, natural disasters and eventually civilization collapses. Small groups survive and meet up to form a new society. Since most of the food sources have been wiped out the scientists among us create these beverages to fill our dietary needs. It's important to keep a sense of humor in these dire times, so they named the drinks Soylent, after the old Charlton Heston movie, you know before he went all gun crazy.

The normal rations taste like soy milk, which is to be expected, but in the mornings we get a bit of a treat and get the Coffiest version of them. It's pretty much the same thing as the original, but with coffee added. It tastes like a nice soy latte. It's hard to argue with it when it's basically the only flavor we get these days. Along with that we get our nutrients as well as the same amount of caffeine that used to be found in a cup of coffee. Well, when you used to be able to find such a thing. At least it doesn't taste like diet poison with the sucralose they use.

The future is a horrible place. Enjoy the world while you still have it. Eat all the fruits and vegetables you can find, because in the not too distant future all you're going to taste is soy and coffee. Honestly it's not that bad and it could easily be much worse.

I just got married a month ago (pause for applause) and ate passion fruit for the first time. What a magical experience. What a strange, goopy fruit. It's so weird. I mean, I ate a ton of it but I don't think in a million years I could get my son to eat it. So slimy. It's like all slime and seeds. Strange that anyone would eat it to begin with but they do and it's wonderful.

This drink, sans goop, tastes just like it. I was surprised. La Croix does the flavor justice. I feel like that one is hard to nail. They might use real fruit juice or whatever "essence" is but whatever science they're doing in there, they've pulled in the right people.

What did I expect? This is just as bad as I thought it would be. It tastes like cheap, powdered cinnamon and fake sweetener. Whether or not it's authentic sugar, who cares? The best sugar couldn't save this drink. I don't think I finished the whole thing and I was tired and I got a small. It was a little coffee flavored but the syrup, my main complaint with Tim's is too thick and strange and throws off the viscosity of the rest of the drink. I want a cinnamon bun writing this and, like I said, I didn't expect much and I was still let down. Shame. Shame.

I have to come clean. I have had a handful of new flavors that Sparkling Ice sent me sitting in my fridge for a little while now. Every time I would open up the drawer to choose a drink they would be staring right back at me and I haven't had it in me to taste a zero calorie sweeter tainted drink. Tonight I decided t finally give in and deal with that nonsense on my tongue and what is that? The Essence line isn't sweetened at all. They are all just seltzer water. This instantly made my night better. I expected to take a few small sips and introduce the rest of the bottle to my sink drain, but now I can sip it throughout the night and enjoy it.

This is fairly lightly flavored. It just has slight hints of citrus, which happen to be tangerine. A lot of sparkling waters, sweetened or otherwise tend to go pretty strong on the flavoring, but this is subtle. I could do with a little more, but I do like what they are going for. I also like that this doesn't taste like sucralose and my taste buds would like to express their thanks as well.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think I am finally getting old. I get creaks. I get aches. I fall asleep on the couch while watching movies at night. All of the telltale signs are there. On top of all that I have mentioned it seems to happen with increasing regularity that I need some sort of boost to get me moving in the morning at work. I always assumed that when people talked about needing their morning coffee it was due to their bodies getting used to ingesting caffeine. Now I am realizing that sometimes you just need the push, even if your body is not used to it. I try to not make it a regular thing, but at least once a week I find myself drinking something caffeinated in the morning (usually tea). This is a great alternative though. It's a mixture of guayusa tea and fruit juice that tastes amazing even without added sugar.

In this beverage the fruit juice sits pretty evenly with the tea flavor and that is exactly where I want it to be. It's not sweet, but it's also not bitter. Everything about this falls right in the middle. All of the energy in it comes from the caffeine derived from the guayusa leaf, so it doesn't leave you feeling insane. It's just a gentle push to help you get through the morning. It's just a bonus that it won't leave you with gross coffee breath or unwanted calories from sugar. It's simple, it's delicious and it's just what I want in the morning.

I've watched enough futuristic science fiction movies to know that Soylent is a sign that we are actually living in the beginning of a dystopian society. Soon the Singularity will occur and humans will become slaves to our robotic overlords. Fear not though all of our nutrition will comes in one convenient beverage, Soylent. To be fair the company hasn't quite cracked the code completely, but they are on their way. Each bottle of this ready-to-drink meal in a bottle provides 20% of the daily nutritional requirements that a human needs. This company is the future and it is the definition of efficiency in nutrition. Sure if they could get it down to pill form it would be the craziest thing ever, but as it stands right now this liquid has everything you need to survive and even helps with digestion, provides energy and does everything you need to function.

As for what efficiency tastes like, the answer is simply the soy milk that is left over after you eat a bowl of oat based cereal. I kind of expected something a little different, but in dystopia taste is not a concern, merely survival. It's not an offensive flavor, it just kind of bland, but in a way that does not concern you.

We are living in the future and things are only going to get more horrible in the world around us, but fear not Soylent has our backs and will make sure that we get the nutrients we need in the wasteland that is to come.

What is that, a raccoon? Hyper, those raccoons. Them washing all that cotton candy in the stream. Calm down, raccoon. Man. Stop eating all that sugar and drink some of this tea. It's good, subtle and calming. Like chamomile but less on-the-nose. This dude who works here has been sweet enough to let me drink some of his tea and drink it I did. Sure, he's not breaking the bank buying a box of tea from Trader Joe's but who's bringing money into this? No one. He's generous. Let him be.

That raccoon had the right idea with this. Sure he's tangled up in Christmas lights probably doing something he shouldn't be doing but he's at least chilling with a nice, hot cup of tea. The cinnamon is subtle and the vanilla rounds it out. Think of this like the biggest dandelion. You could lift it without even thinking about it. This is like that, as strong as it is, it's still calm and smooth.

Also, for those of you not "in the know," this is the video I am referring to:


Sad, right?

There is joy and there is sadness in the world of Big Lots. We tend to find a decent amount of tasty and interesting beverages there. If we find something we enjoy and we are lucky then it's simply there because a company ordered too much, or there has been a change in the label and the company is trying to blow out their old stock. Unfortunately there are other times when a product is being discontinued or a company has gone out of business. This seems to be the case more often than not when I find something I like there, so I buy up what I can and enjoy the limited time I have with it.

Luckily in the case of Runa, their teas presence at the discount store is due to nothing more than a chance of label. I will still be able to find these delicious teas in the future, but you can bet your bottom that at fifty cents per bottle I will be buying up the stores stock.

It's been awhile since I've drank an iced tea that has impressed me, so I was caught completely off guard with this. It's no secret that peach flavored beverages tend to be a little much, and end up tasting candied. This tea is flavored with “organic peach flavor” and that apparently equates to a taste that is like a peach that is right on the cusp of being perfectly ripe. It has a sweetness to it, but also a vague bitterness that comes with unripe fruit. It's a refreshing change of pace for this particular flavor. It also helps that they didn't go overboard with the sweetener and there are only 16g of sugar in the entire bottle.

This drink is very smooth and you get a little kick from the caffeine that is found in the guayusa. Flavor and energy; this tea truly has it all.

Look, it finally started snowing and in two days from now the holiday season starts. That means that you are more than likely going to be eating a lot of garbage over the coming month or two. All of those active activities you participated in all summer that got you into somewhat okay shape are all going to be thrown out the window. You're going to pack the pounds back on and get squishy all over again. It's the unending cycle for those of us who live in parts of the world that have four seasons. I can't say if it really works or not, but Qurb is here to help. They are dietary supplement shots designed to help curb your appetite as well as promote weight loss. I can assume it's not a magical product and you also need to exercise in tandem with drinking them, but any help is good help in the war against holiday cookies and pies.

The power behind Qurb comes from a combination of green coffee beans and fiber, plus vitamins and minerals. The green coffee beans help to promote weight loss and the fiber help to curb our appetite. Essentially this is a healthier, more natural version of the diet pills that ran rampant in the 90s. One can only assume that it won't ruin your life like the pills did in Saved by the Bell.

I was shocked that this didn't taste as horrible as I expected it to. Most shot drinks are concentrated nonsense, but this has a somewhat decent flavor. It's almost vaguely citrus, with a vitamin taste to it. It's nothing you would want to sip on for pleasure, but it's not hard to get down either.

Brave that long winter and use these shots to help keep your cookie addiction in check. Come the nice weather you won't have to put in as much work to get back into the nearly healthy body that you've always wanted.

What a nice man, Craig is. He always holds the door for people, even if they're half a parking lot away. He's thoughtful. He cares. He's a caring, thoughtful man. Everyone loves Craig. One time he went to a kid's school and they didn't like him. Why? He brought in a case of melon grapefruit sparkling water. Problem is that kids do not love grapefruit. Every kid there was either crying because it was too "spicy" or they didn't like the taste of grapefruit. Craig meant well. Melon. Kids love melon. So it had grapefruit in it. It didn't have the bitterness of grapefruit, just the flavor. It's sparkling water. What did the kids expect? The kids didn't like Craig and now, Craig didn't like kids. The streak of Craig being nice to everyone had ended all because of a couple snot nosed brats. Great job, kids. You broke Craig.

One of the few good things about the seasons changing and winter being upon us is the release of the new seasonal Polar flavors. They are a nice change of pace for a limited time. As the first snow starts to fall outside my window a cranberry cider seltzer sounded like a dream. While it may not have lived up to my hopes it is still a unique flavor. I've been hitting the cranberry and lime hard lately and I was excited to mix it up. My first thought upon taking a sip was “Maybe cider and seltzer shouldn't be combined.” Then I thought, “Well maybe I'm just a cider snob because I grew up with an amazing cider mill in my home town.” I settled on “cider without sweetness is just weird. That is what feels off about this.” The more I drank the more I got used to this strangeness on my palate. The cranberry isn't as strong as it is in the cranberry lime, but it does mingle well. I wouldn't drink this all the time, but for a seasonal treat it is quite nice.

Sometimes Fiz hits the mark and sometimes it doesn't. If this soda were thrown at a dart board it would have stuck in someone around the outer edge, not gaining you any points. Hey, at least it didn't put holes in the wall though.

This is simply boring. The orange flavor takes a back seat to a generic sugar soda flavor. If the percentage of orange flavoring was increased maybe this would have been decent. As it is I would more than likely politely decline if someone offered me a bottle. Yes, even if it were being served with hot dogs.

Here we have a protein drink that was developed not as a post workout beverage, but as a way to curb hunger. If it were part of some zany new diet it would be called a meal replacer. I like to just call it delicious. As the name suggests, everything in this bottle is completely natural with no GMOs or anything artificial. They also go as far as to make it dairy and soy free. In the late 90's when I first went vegetarian and a lot of friends were vegan we would have killed for something like this. I feel like we all existed on French fries and garbage house salads most of the time. It was an era of unhealthy compassion for animals. This would have made life so much easier. While I may not have had it then, I will certainly appreciate it now.

This is mostly made up of oats and pea protein, which doesn't sound all that appetizing. I mean does anyone actually enjoy peas, or do we all just kind of deal with them? The added cocoa and vanilla are both stronger flavors though, so we don't have to pretend me like their “country goodness and green pea-ness” as a fictitious Orson Welles once said. It has a great chocolate flavor that makes you forget that you could possibly be hungry. Perhaps I'll just go on a liquid diet. A wonderfully chocolate liquid diet.

If you're looking for a natural tasting beverage this is certainly for you. I don't know what this has to do with a dragon, dancing or not, but what I do know is that it tastes like someone made a soda out of throat coat tea and it's a little much. I like sips of this drink. I've been nursing the glass I made for the past 45 minutes. If I take tiny sips it's enjoyable, but if I drink too much at once it becomes a bit too overpowering and medicinal. If you're not familiar with throat coat (which is absolutely wonderful hot) imagine chewing on a licorice stick (the plant not the candy) while drinking some black tea. It's pleasant and helps your throat. It's not quite the same in soda form but it is a re-imagining of a classic soda.
In here the tea is a mixture of pu-erh (fermented tea)and yerba mate. The rest of the flavor comes from a combination of sarsaparilla root and honeybush. It kind of tastes the way a natural market smells. Take that as you will. To me it's not bad thing, but it certainly is unique. Out of all of these tea sodas, this is the one that is certainly not for everyone.

Sparkling mango water. My wife might have just found her mecca. She loves La Croix and rightfully so. I mean, it's just sparkling water but it's good stuff. Polar is more than readily available and we buy a fair amount of that. They have some cooler, experimental flavors but she's been hard into this lately.

This is an accurate mango flavor, too. They really nailed it. I'd like to know what sorcery they used to do that. Are sorcery and magic the same thing? Sorcery might involve more potions. I wouldn't say that a witch performs magic. Stirring cauldrons is sorcery. Wizards perform sorcery. Is magic just another word for "illusions?"



The end.

This is…€¦odd. I don't mean that it tastes strange, it's actually very pleasant. The unusual thing about this energy drink is that they went out of their way to make it caffeine free (get it? Unleaded). The little blurb on the can says that it's so people who enjoy the taste of Monster, but who are also sensitive to caffeine can still enjoy it. My question is caffeine really the ingredient that people get all jittery over? I mean I do have a sensitivity (read: I'm not addicted so it serves its intended purpose and doesn't just make me “normal.”) but I feel like it's more the taurine that gets me all crazy. Natural energy drinks don't affect me the same way as Monster and it's brethren do. This is still loaded with B vitamins, niacin, taurine, ginseng and the like, so it still gave me a boost. It seems odd to me and not something there would be a big market for. If it serves its purpose to allow people to get where they need to go, good for it.
Overall it tastes like a slightly diet regular Monster; all sweet like chemical candy. Can we take a moment to acknowledge that energy drinks are the only beverage that diet versions don't taste absolutely disgusting? This is sweetened with sugar as well as sucralose and it doesn't taste like poison at all. The other flavors just mask the diet death taste in all the right ways.

The image on the can is a cow wearing an upside down American flag. It's pretty fitting for the current political state of this country and that is all I will say about that.

Even after all these years it still kind of blows my mind that Barr's is just the cheap soda in Scotland. It's everywhere and the cans have 39p printed right on them. Their counties garbage soda is a high quality soda here and I am jealous. Actually, I'm more envious. I would also probably drink way more soda if I lived there and that's not going to do me any good.

Another thing Scotland apparently likes to do is add raspberry flavoring into other sodas. They somehow made the best ginger beer by doing just that. Unfortunately it didn't translate as well with cream soda. This starts off so great. It's a nice fruity cream soda that is reminiscent of Crush's Soda Mousse. Somewhere in there though it takes a turn and a taste rears up that is similar to coconut. I don't know what is causing it, but it takes me out of a wonderful experience. It's like they used coconut water instead of regular water for the base of this drink. It's just strange. If that particular aspect of this drink were gone this would be completely fantastic.

Alternative energy drinks keep popping up more and more. I say alternative because they don't have the same ingredients or taste like Red Bull and its artificial ingredient filled running crew. Sure a lot of these products don't pack the same punch, but do you really need those crazy jitters? I didn't think so.

Komodo takes things a way I have never come across before. They carbonate coconut water and add some caffeine and B vitamins to supply the imbiber with energy. They only use natural ingredients and you can tell by the way it tastes. It's strong on the coconut taste, but I suppose that is what you want when you purchase a coconut energy drink. The flavor does fall a bit on the toasted side rather than the plain old coconut water side of things, but that may be due to the use of stevia as well as cane sugar to keep the calories down. This is something new and interesting and it's decent enough to go back for return purchases.

I'm not one to complain when a yerba mate is put in front of me. I will happily drink each and every one that is placed into my hands. This is simple and it is also delicious. It is simply brewed organic free trade yerba mate and hibiscus with a pinch of salt added. There is no sweetener added, because there is no need for one. It is a beverage that is wonderful just the way it is. It's slightly bitter and a bit woody, just like a proper mate should be. The hibiscus gives it just a hint of floral taste. I could drink this stuff by the gallon if it were an option. If someone wants to make that a real option for me, please do.