Sports/Dietary Supplement - 535 Reviews

It's no secret that the three of us here at Thirsty Dudes do not partake in alcoholic beverages. We're not jerks about it, it's just not for us. To paraphrase, “You're fun is not our fun.” When RESQWATER sent us some samples, we contemplated what to do. In the past we have had some friends get wasted and drink the product and give us a review of how it worked with us touching base about the flavor. It was a fun exercise, but to be honest it took a long time to come to fruition. People are busy, and our friends are older and not getting wasted all the time, we get it.

For this review we decided to take it another way. If I understand things correctly, a big part of what makes a hangover is dehydration. To mimic this, I ate obscene amounts of salsa with chips that were far to salty to be anything close to healthy, but tasted so darn good. In the past this combination has led me to feeling like crap the following morning, and I was told that I had the same symptoms of a hangover. So I did what I had to in order to replicate the scenario, you know like a reenactment on some crime show that is always on the TV. Yes, I know this is not exactly the same, but it's what we did, so deal with it.

I can tell you, my experiment worked. After being a complete glutton last night, I woke up feeling like cold diarrhea on a paper plate. Ugh. I got up sat around for a short while and then downed a bottle of RESQWATER.

First off, this does not smell pleasant. Actually maybe it's not all that unpleasant of a scent, but it's not what I want to smell when I'm about to drink something. It's something like a combination of fruit, vitamins, some sort of marinade and possibly meat. It's a weird smell that I was not expecting at all. The smell vaguely translates into the taste, but luckily it's not in a vomit inducing way. Mostly it tastes like a Vitamin Water version of prickly pear, but with a slightly stronger flavor. There is a bit of an adult vitamin taste to it as well, but it's sweet enough to mostly bury it.

This could be much worse, but overall it's nothing that I would drink for pleasure, which I assume wouldn't be the healthiest decision anyways. I would certainly drink it again if I ever woke up feeling like I did today. It didn't take all that long for my body to start feeling normal again after downing this. For all of you prone to hangovers due to your late night decisions, I suggest you keep a supply of this on hand.

I believe there is a flaw in the basic nature of this beverage. How I see it is that you would want to drink an energy drink prior to doing strenuous activity that would require hydration. Wouldn't you want that extra boost to help you push through whatever it is that you're doing? Does added hydration do anything previous to any sort of workout? I suppose you could sip this while you are in the process of whatever it is that you are doing. Would the energy boost hit you in time though? I certainly don't get it.

Another thing that I don't get is the flavor. Grape has got to be one of the easiest flavors ever (right along side orange), yet they have somehow messed it up with this. What little non-diet/energy flavor that is present almost tastes more berry than grape. Whatever it is, it's not very pleasant. It's certainly doesn't taste good enough to denote a 24oz can.

I'm going to stick to the one serving out of the three that are in this can, and introduce the rest to the drainage system in my house. It has no place in my person.

Despite what Derek says I will always believe, and spread the word, that the name of this here website is derived from a Mitch Hedberg joke. “You don't have to be sweating and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You can just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic. I'm thirsty for absolutely no reason, other than that liquid has not touched my lips for some time.” Funny? Yes. Truthful? Also, yes. Many times in my life I have drank a Gatorade or similar drink, while not in the throes of some physical activity. I was thirsty, it was a beverage that would solve my thirst, and on top of that it tastes pretty good.

With all of the above being said, I don't think I could ever see myself drinking one of these bottles of Cytomax for pleasure. It is a beverage with a specific function, and I think I will save it for that. Sure it's basically the same sort of beverage as Gatorade, but the difference is that along with crystalline fructose, stevia is also used as a sweetener in here. That just throws the whole thing off. It's citrus flavored in the way that popsicles are, but with the stevia it's like a natural diet popsicle. There is something inherently wrong with the idea of such a product existing. Since this is a performance beverage and not a frozen summertime treat, it is acceptable, but I wouldn't drink it just for enjoyment. I would drink it after spending some time on the court with that previously mentioned basketball though. That is it's intended purpose, so I suppose Cytomax has produced what it was aiming for.

"Tastes like lemonade," sounds like trickery to me. Telling someone that something tastes like something else seems like a not-so clever way of sneaking something into someone. If they would have said this was their interpretation of lemonade, I would have been fine. Them saying on the bottle that this "tastes like lemonade" tells me that this isn't lemonade and it's not trying to be lemonade but still tastes like it.

Does this taste like lemonade? Yes. It tastes like lemonade with those delightful little chia seeds in it. I like them. I don't know if I ever didn't but for the record, I like them. They've got a little crunch but you have to get through the smooth jelly exterior first. Although it sounds gross, I like it and if you don't actively chew the seeds, you might be able to care a little less with the fact that something you're drinking crunches.

The Stevia taste is there and I could tell right away. It's not too offensive but it's worth pointing out that this is a low calorie drink that tastes like a low calorie. An important point is that they're not trying to disguise it as not being diet. They also go on to point out what feels like a thousand times that this contains things that are good for you. Great right? Eh. It's good.

If you are a child of the 80's and had a mother who tried the Slim Fast diet, at one point or another you probably stole one of her shakes from the fridge. I most definitely did. How could I not? I was a pre-teen and there was a chocolate shake in the fridge. I didn't care that it was meant for a diet, I saw chocolate and shake on the container and I needed it like early 90's musicians from the Pacific North west needed junk. Ultimately it was a let down, because…€¦well because it was a diet drink. Even my young taste buds knew the difference.

As soon as I took a sip of this I was brought back to that moment in my childhood kitchen. This is exactly what I wanted that shake to taste like. It's what it should have tasted like if it wasn't for the whole diet thing. It's Slim Fast, but chock full of sugar.

Okay let's take this another way. Take Coco Puffs, add milk, and let it sit for a minute or two, as you eat the cereal. The milk that is left over tastes exactly like this. There are companies that aim for that flavor and fail, but Nestle does it as a happy accident. This is calcium, vitamins, minerals and protein all mixed into a glorious post chocolate cereal milk shake.

Both of those descriptions make me wish I had another can of this waiting for me. How was I not a fat kid? Oh yeah, it's because I stole my mom's diet shakes.

Are you an adult that loves the taste of Strawberry Quik? Well let me ease that mind of yours and let you in on a little tip that will not only allow you to bath your tongue in the flavor that you crave, but also do it in a healthier manner. You see Odwalla's Strawberry Protein Monster tastes exactly like that treat from your childhood that you miss so dearly. Sure it's a little denser of a liquid, but that is a small price to pay for not looking like you're stuck in arrested development when you're trying to flirt with your cashier at the grocery store. Who could take someone seriously when they are buying a big tin of strawberry powder to flavor their milk? No one, that is who. On the other hand if you were purchasing this beverage, you will appear to have your act together, and it might even get you that cashier's number. Actually don't be the creep that bothers the cashier. They just want to make it through their shift as painlessly as possible. Just drink your strawberry drink and keep to yourself.

Carlos was a man who knew his juice. He drank it all the time. He never drank pop and probably drank more juice than water. He drank more juice than he ate fruit. He likes the good stuff, though. He didn't drink run of the mill "drink" type juices. He went for the higher end stuff.

One day he was in a lull of drinks. There was nothing new and nothing interesting. All of a sudden he came across a bottle of Body Armor. He was attracted to the nice packaging. He read the ingredients and saw that it was gluten free which was a plus, and it was filled with not only orange and mango juice but also vitamins and minerals turning this into the "Super Drink" it said that it was.

He bought it without hesitation, cracked it open, and took a sip. He was pleased. Not only did he get a good tasting orange juice but also the mango kick was a good pair. There was also a ten percent bonus coconut water in there, too.

He felt good. He didn't feel like it was too sweet and actually the coconut water gave it a little bit of a different dimension with bite. He had found a new drink that made him a happy man.

If a company thinks that we might have gotten a bad bottle, or they change their formula, and they want to send us some samples to re-review it, we will. There is no guarantee that our review will improve, but we're willing to give it a shot.

I think Core Power was right to send us more of these. When Mike reviewed this he said that it was nice and chocolaty, but that it had a definite diet undertone. While I do notice the taste of stevia a bit, I feel it is far outshined by the chocolate. This is in fact the most accurately chocolate diet drink that I have ever tried. Even better is that it is a protein drink without the chalkiness. If you search it out you can taste the diet but it's certainly not punching you in the face. I really think this may be as good as it gets with diet.

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Old Review:

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Oh she's far down the list, she is, but thar she blows. Stevia. This is very chocolaty. It's just what you want, but with those four little letters, D.I.E.T. it changes the whole game. This tastes diet. It doesn't taste terrible like poison diet, but there is no beating around the bush. This is diet. I am typically on the fence when it comes to protein drinks but I think that it lends itself well to chocolate because chocolate shakes are eternally wonderful. You don't get any of that sandy stuff in this, which is a great thing.

All in all, this is a blatantly diet chocolate protein drink that is actually a tolerable attempt at being both diet and protein. Success? Yes. Success.

Hank went on a cruise. Hank loved cruises. He would go anywhere that the boat told him to go. He was like a lemming when it came to sight seeing. The people at the docks would say, "Sir. Do you want to go to swim with the dolphins?" and he would almost never not do it. The only time he would say no would be when he saw a souvenir shop in a country that he hadn't been to and just needed to get a key chain to add to his collection.

Hank loved going to shore as much as he loved going on the ship but when he was on the ship, he would eat a copious amount of fruit. One day, he came from the shore with a coconut. He knew that he would have to use it before he got back to the States because they couldn't bring it back into the country. He decided to have some fun with it.

He went to the cafeteria at night and got a bowl full of fruit. He got cherries, apples, pineapples, and oranges. He brought them to the kids pool which was now empty as the kids were asleep. He hated getting sticky so he went into the pool with all the fruit. He started mushing up all the fruit into a cup; one fruit at a time into the cup. Finally, when all the fruit was properly mushed up, he put some of the coconut juice into the cup. He took one sip and regretted not doing it sooner. It tastes like a fruit punch that was properly sweetened not with corn syrup but with the natural sugar from the fruit as well as some raw sugar packets from the cafeteria. It was slightly chalky because of the coconut water but still very drinkable.

Just as he finished his drink, some of the deckhands saw him and chased him out of the kid's pool. He ran away holding his cup but dropping a trail of squished fruit and seeds along the way. The security aboard the ship found his room easily and just told him not to make a mess in the pool anymore. He obliged and sat quietly in his room and drank what was left of his concoction.

All of a sudden, two flavors are spending a lot of time together. If I didn't know better, I would call it "cahoots." When I worked for the state one summer, I learned the word "cahoots." For those who don't know, it means "partners" but for the people I worked with, it means "people teaming up to take our jobs away." The people I worked with there were some of the laziest employees I have ever worked with in my life: long breaks, long lunches, minimal effort, complaining, and everything in between. I am lucky that work ethic didn't wear off on me.

On the positive side of cahoots, we have cherry and pomegranate. Two buddies both red in color teaming up to save the world. One pretty sweet, the other pretty bitter, but together they cancel each other out leaving us with a cop comedy that ended seemingly before it began. This is not too sweet or too anything really. It is almost a watered down juice, which I like more than a "properly mixed" juice. You can taste more cherry than pomegranate but they are both in there doing their thing. Fighting for the good city of Fruitburg against the bank robbers, jewel thieves, cat burglars, and unlicensed beach peddlers. They never stop selling those seashell necklaces no matter how many times the cops come. They never will. That's why the beat don't stop. Cherry and pomegranate are always on the beat.

Jay, generous man of the year, bought this for me. I drove to Toronto and he bought me an iced tea. What a man, right? When we are in Canada, we are on our game. We have to memorize everything we drink because once we get over the border our phone data is down. What? We're not millionaires and cannot afford to just tether eleven devices? No, sir or ma'am. We cannot do that. We Thirsty Dudes pinch pennies so when Jay spends two dollars and forty nine cents Canadian on a drink, that's awesome.

Protein drinks are rough. They are often thick and taste like you're trying to do something. Something functional. Something that should be subsidized with, you know, good old-fashioned exercise. This drink is different, though. Let's run through the flavor. Cranberry and pomegranate are two delicious but bitter buddies. When together in a lightly sweetened tea are a great team. The green tea is there but between the cranberry and the pomegranate, the bitterness of a green tea is easily thwarted.

I am happy to have the protein I probably didn't have in me prior inside of me. I figure I earned it since I did go through the whole trouble of drinking it. I like it, though. It tastes like a cranberry and pomegranate juice and then watering it down a bit. Sure, you're paying for a premium for an organic, all natural drink, but hey, you're worth it. Well, you're worth it if Jay decides you're worth it.

This is such an odd drink to review. I drank about ¾ of the bottle Monday evening, and I decided I was not in the right state of mind to properly convey what this is all about. Here I am two days later, and I still really don't have a clue. Every time I open the fridge this bottle is staring me right in the eye, daring me to write something about it. I'm at the point where I can't take it anymore, and it's now or never.

The main construct of the contents of this bottle is coconut water. The thing is that with the added fruit and extracts, it barely tastes like what you would expect. I even had to double check to make sure this was coconut water, like the other flavor I had reviewed a few months ago. It is, but it has such an odd, yet interesting taste. Papaya, a fruit that smells like vomit, but tastes delicious, is present. I do believe that it is the camu camu extract that is running the show here. According to the internet it tastes like a mixture of hibiscus, berry and citrus. I can't pin down a great reference to the way this beverage tastes, but I would say that is a appropriate enough description of this odd flavor. I don't know if I have ever tasted anything like this before, and that is exciting, because it is new, and doesn't make me want to blow chunks.

In addition to tasting strange this drink is actually healthy. It is antioxidant rich, it has zero fat or cholesterol, there are only two grams of sugar in the entire bottle, and it's chock full of a ton of vitamins. It's a wild ride that you don't have to feel guilty about, so you can keep getting back in line and ride it over and over, until you are the one who blows the previously mentioned chunks.

Body Armor is back with a couple new flavors and a few old ones reworked a little. The release of the new “mixed berry” flavor is an update to their Raspberry, Blueberry Goji beverage. The packaging is basically the same as the old version, and the flavor isn't that far off as well. It tastes of many berries, antioxidants and coconut water, which is good because that is exactly what it is.

It's nice that there are so many options out there in a world that for years was Gatorade or nothing. I would say that 8 out of 10 times I would choose this over a classic sports drink. As an added bonus to the flavor with each bottle you get 2.5 times the electrolytes as a bottle of Gatorade and 2 times the vitamins that are in Vitamin Water. You're getting flavor and more functionality. It looks like this is a win-win.

The tropics must have been going through a storm when this drink was made. You know the type that I'm referring to, the kind that blows garbage all over your lawn. You always say you're going to cut down those hedges because all they do is collect garbage and take up your limited front yard but every time you go in the shed to get a saw, you remember that you don't want neighbor dogs defecating on your yard. Well that garbage filled yard is like what this drink taste like: a diet tropical garbage citrus storm.

Right off the bat the Stevia is bastardizing whatever is in this bottle so I cannot get a good read of any flavors without being rudely interrupted by your highness. There might be a mango or a pineapple in here but I wouldn't know because, much like Adam Levine's number one biggest and fattest fan pushing her way up to the front of the crowd, Stevia is shoving it's way all over your poor taste buds.

Sometimes you wonder why drinks are on sale and then you drink things like this and realize why. Questions and answers wrapped into one cheap, 473ml bottle of diet sweetener.

You know that classic picture of the evolution of man? All I can picture is an updated version of it that depicts protein drinks. It starts off with just gross clumps of straight whey protein. Then it goes onto gross protein powder from the 80's. There are several different shots of various protein drinks that have risen to fame in the past decade or so. Then there is Muscle Milk. It stands tall, like the fully evolved man Darwin spoke of. To the left of that there is a smaller carton, but it is in an omnipotent glow. It is a carton of Evolve. Now that is advertising people. We should be getting paid to come up with this stuff. Instead I have a cat “ice gilling” me because I'm not letting him drink any of my beverage.

Evolve is based on the Muscle Milk formula, except that it is all-natural. It's sweetened with stevia and monk fruit, as well as cane sugar. Surprisingly you can only faintly taste the other sweeteners, and I probably wouldn't have noticed had I not read the carton. On top of all that it is gluten free, so all of you out there who suddenly suffer from wheat gluten allergies (something that I'm pretty sure didn't exist a decade ago, all hail the modern world and the way it mutates us) can have at it. Seriously, have at it. It's pretty tasty, and you look like you could do with a protein boost.

Does anyone else have second thoughts about drinking a beverage that pops when you twist off the cap and an eerie smoke pours out of the opening? I feel like I should be wearing a has mat suit with some thick gloves that you can handle uranium with. Essentially it makes me feel like this beverage should not exist outside of some lab somewhere.

Being as I am a scientist, specifically one with a degree in drinkology (no , not like some pretentious mixologist, I had to spend eight years in college to get my degree), I through caution of radioactivity to the wind an dove in head first. By that I mean I took a small tentative sip. I can safely say that this does not taste nuclear, and I have no fear of my pee coming out glowing later.

The strange thing about this beverage is that it is made with real orange juice (it's the second ingredient, but it's only 3% of the whole), yet it still tastes like Tang. Have they ever thought of marketing this as an energy drink for astronauts? I imagine that is exactly what space explorers do not need though. They're stuck up in orbit for months at a time with, what I expect is little to do for a good portion of their days. Why would they want to be all hopped up on energy drinks? I think I would like to sleep through as much as that experience as possible. So yeah, nix that idea.

As part of the recovery line this beverage is meant to give you energy as well as hydrate you. Think of it as Rockstar meets Gatorade with sexy results!!! Wait, that's not right. There is nothing sexy about this. It tastes like Gatorade made a Tang flavor and then they added a bit of an energy compound to it. It doesn't taste too much like chemicals, but it's there around the edges. Actually it's there in a way that makes it taste vaguely diet, even though it's sweetened with sucrose.

On a side note, while I do like the idea that it is in a resealable can, I have to say that about a third of the sips I took resulted in some sort of splash back that got on my clothes. Either they need to work on the design a bit, or I need to learn how to drink properly.

Shakes the clown did not get his name for good reasons. He was known for shaking very badly while making balloon animals. He never knew why he shook and didn't ask a doctor until a group of kids were picking on him for being at a birthday party and it took him a long time to tie a knot.

He went to the doctor and the doctor asked him what was on his mind. Shakes, or to the doctor, Gerald, said that he didn't know what happened. The doctor asked him about a normal day and Gerald said that he would wake up, drink a bottle of mango iced tea, and go to work. The doctor asked him what brand of drink it was and he said it was called "Zum XR" and the doctor gave him a look, took off his glasses, and gave him a little chuckle. He said, "Gerald, do you feel fine for about a half hour and then start to shake?" Gerald said that he did. He said that he really likes the flavor of it. He said it tasted great and you could taste both mango and a decent, smooth not bitter green tea. It was well sweetened and he liked the little balls in the bottom. The doctor asked Gerald if he knew what the balls were. Gerald said that he didn't know. The doctor told him that it was time released energy beads that was just giving him too much energy and his body couldn't handle it. Gerald was happy that he knew what it was but sad that he might have to stop drinking his favorite drink.

The next week, Gerald went back to work for kids birthday parties and felt like he was doing the best because he wasn't shaking. He could tie balloons no problem. He had no problem squirting water from his lapel flower. He never missed another pie in the face. At the end of the shows, though, at least one person would ask him why he was called "Shakes" and he said that he used to shake all the time. The kids actually missed the shaking and he missed his favorite drink. He made the tough decision to be worse at his job but to enjoy his drink and live up to his namesake again. Shakes the clown was back!

Weight loss / muscle building drinks are all the rage these days. There are new products flooding the market all the time. The newest one to grab my attention is “bod-e” by Vemma. There are a lot of mixed feelings about the way the Vemma company is ran, but I'm not going to get into it. I'm not a businessman, I'm just some “dumb dummy” who like to try all sorts of beverages and then write poorly about them.

Bod-e doesn't really taste like any other “weight solution” beverage I have ever had before. It's fruity, lightly carbonated and it doesn't taste all that diet, even though it has sucralose in it accompanying the cane sugar. The first thing I noticed when I opened that can was that it has a milky orange color. I wasn't expecting that at all since it's carbonated and the coloring makes it look thicker than it actually is.

There is a whole mess of ingredients in here to help with weight loss (and to keep it off), There are a lot of the familiar vitamin faces that you know from energy drinks as well as protein, aloe vera and green tea. I'm not that kind of scientist, so I can't claim to know which ones works and which does not. I can tell you about tastes though, and this has a decent citrus taste thanks to the mangosteen. By the time you get towards the last quarter of the can you are able to taste the sucralose a bit more, but it wasn't enough to turn me off.

After a single can I have no idea how well this product actually works, but I can tell you that it tastes decent enough, and flavorwise it is much better than most of it's competitors.

I'm melting. I swear it was so hot in the print shop today that my skin felt like it was just going to melt off. I drank a half-gallon of unsweetened iced tea, and it still wasn't cutting it. I needed refreshment and I needed it instantly. My drink bin is running dangerously low, but luckily I had a single bottle of Gatorade in there. Not only was it meant to refresh and rehydrate, it also cam in a large quantity (32oz). I cracked open this cap and chugged about half the bottle. It's not how I generally drink a beverage for review, but I knew I had a lot left, and I felt I ha sweat out a dangerous amount of life sustaining fluids.

The enigma of this beverage is that even though the flavor is very light, it has a stronger flavor than other varieties of Gatorade. It's a grape flavor, but the “Gatorade-ness” of it isn't as prominent as with other flavors. I personally think it's one of the best in the companies arsenal.

After I drank this the room was still scalding hot, and I was still sweating like a maniac, but I felt much better. As an added bonus it also has a great taste. I win all the way around.

Jay says to me he says, "We've got this briefcase of drinks and they're like protein drinks but they don't taste like protein drinks." Then he hands me a cardboard briefcase of these drinks. How can I turn down a proposal like that? I could be a high power, yet ecologically concerned, sales person in the time when kids used to have those clear, acrylic backpacks so teachers could see what they are carrying in case they are carrying bombs and/or guns. Ahh, this post-911 world is something, isn't it? We've got to carry around briefcases made of cardboard with little see-through holes so you can see, "No, ma'am. That's not a gun. That's a protein drink. No need to phone the police on me. Have a nice day, now. That's for assuming that because I have a beard and tattoos that I carry around weapons."

So I've got this briefcase of drinks and Jay blows through the other ones and says, "You do the watermelon." Don't have to ask me twice. I drink it and it's good. It's like a Vitamin Water but maybe a little thicker. Not "protein drink" thick, but thick enough for me to feel the need to mention. There wasn't any gross, artificial sweetener taste to it regardless of it actually having an artificial sweetener in it. Then again, actual Vitamin Water doesn't use real sugar and it doesn't taste gross so they might be on to something.

The watermelon flavor is a bit "candied" but isn't so sweet that it is like liquid watermelon candy; a though that makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about. It's not too strong of a watermelon flavor either so it's not offensive even of itself.

Look; yes. I had a briefcase of drinks and although I knew a kid in high school that had a bit of an issue with a pipe bomb, there is no need for me to carry that thing around with me. I can carry opaque stuff just like anyone else and if a cop wants to ask to see what's in my bag, please do. Enjoy my assortment of drinks, inevitably varied metal, pop, and indie rock records, and whatever else I've got in that thing. You sir, you wasted your time because that guy across the street probably has a pound of weed in his hemp, drawstring backpack. I mean, come on, officer. He's wearing a tie dye Grateful Dead dancing bear shirt in the year 2013. No way he'd pee clean.