Sugar - 840 Reviews

Meatballs? Yes. Lamps? Yes. Tables? Yes. Strange, unpronounceable drinks made with otherwise common fruits? Absolutely. Ikea is quickly turning into a provider of everything one would need. A Swedish Target, if you will. Allow me to carefully type out the actual name of this drink:
Kolsyrad Pa(with umlots)rondryck

That's it. They's what they call sparkling pear juice there.

Now I hate pears. I don't like them minced, diced, creamed, marinated, with cheese, without cheese, fried, or anything in the middle. This, unfortunately, will be added to my list of exceptions because it's rather good. Crisp, and almost like a sparkling apple juice, which might be why I like it so much. Nonetheless, my buddy Steve, who I have known since I was about sixteen picked it up at the most local, but not really local, Ikea. I've been sitting on it for far too long. It's a good thing that they didn't sample it on the short drive back from Toronto because it never would have made it back. It's nicely sweet and even though I know it's made from pear, I have finished the short "tallboy" can.

Pears, we may never see eye to eye, but all of the crap I put you through and all of the bad stuff I relentlessly throw at you, you still come through with a drink like this. You are the bigger man and I am a big enough man to admit it. Does that make me a better man? Probably not. I am a lesser man than a pear is a man.

Pennsylvania and Transylvania could not be further apart. Sure, their names seem similar and to someone geographically inclined, they may not know the difference. If Pennsylvania is a state, why isn't Transylvania? Although not part of the United States, Transylvanians are more than welcome to it whenever they please as long as they have the proper documentation.

One difference between the two is that Pennsylvania contains cherries, which they use to product Red Ribbon cherry pop. This pop is exquisite in it's taste and comes second to "not many" when talking about non black cherry pops. It's quite sweet but the fruity taste is a nice counter balance. Transylvania being part of Romania leads it to be more of a mineral exporting country, although they do produce wine and other fruits but not cherries.

Having been to Pennsylvania and having seen pictures of Transylvania I can say that it gets very cold in the winter months so if you plan on splitting your winter vacation in both places, make sure to bring a warm jacket and gloves otherwise your vacation will not be enjoyed to its fullest extent. Enjoy all that both places have to offer and it will certainly be a vacation you will not soon forget.

I have a problem. When all of the natural disasters culminate and the world is in shambles I know I will somehow end up on a tropical island somewhere. I also know that all there will be to eat is bananas. This will result in me starving to death because bananas are completely revolting. From the flavor to the texture it is the prime example of fruit gone bad. Over the years I've gone back and given banana another try again and again and each time I walk away hating it more. All of that being said I love banana nut bread. I don't understand why, but I think it's incredible. Something in the other ingredients neutralizes the banana flavor and it's delicious. It was because of this that I chose this soda out of the box when we were doing the Thirsty Dudes drink draft (yes that really happens).

This smells intense. It smells like banana candy with a weird harsh undertone. I've never let a bad smell turn me off of a drink, so down the hatch it went. At first it tasted like banana flavored Runts. Then the taste of the previously mentioned weird harsh smell came into play. I instantly was able to place the smell. It was the scent of slightly burnt dessert bread. The taste matched up. My overall review of this soda is that it tastes like someone made a loaf of banana bread, but didn't have actual bananas or sugar, so they ground up a bunch of banana nerds. Then they got all caught up looking for a save point in the video game they were playing and the loaf got slightly burnt.

Now someone make sure there is other fruit present on that island I will inevitably end up on so I don't starve from being stubborn.

Well this isn't good. I do enjoy a nice coffee drink, not to be confused with actual coffee, which I can't stand. Strange right? Welp, what are you going to do? This is very vanilla and, as reported by two separate colleagues, metallic tasting, which is not a strong selling feature unless you are advertising to sell to a tired goat. As for the energy, I don't get any "energy drink" taste. Mostly it just tastes like the vanilla and milk. I also did not get much coffee, which I was hoping for.

I will say that if we were playing darts, you know, Target CEO Gregg W. Steinhafel and I, I would think they were hitting a ton of low, non-counting numbers like three, or eight, because this drink missed the mark. It's missing what I wanted and expected. Now, Gregg might be a fantastic dartsman, but in the game where I asked him to play like this drink was playing, I beat him and looked great doing it. I didn't rub his face in it and I bought him a root beer for being a good sport.

Here's another treat from Editor Dan. That lucky so-and-so went up to Toronto to see Portishead. I was poor at the time tickets went on sale, and I missed out on my opportunity. Whenever I hear Portishead I think of a French club. It's dark, smoky and everything is slightly illuminated red. Portishead is playing over the PA and everyone is just getting down and slowly grinding on each other. During this scene in my head everyone is smoking for some reason. It's a very specific vision, and I think it's hysterical. It's also hysterical that Portishead would lead into a review for this drink, because the only way this drink would seem more inappropriate in that scene is if it came in juice boxes. This drink pretty much embodies the concept of fun. Portishead is not fun. They are wonderful, dark, mysterious and sexy, but they are not fun. This is a sugary sweet mango drink that taste way more like the juice you would lick from your fingers when trying to open a mango without the proper utensils than you would expect from a drink that comes in such packaging. Also, it has little cubed bits of nada de coco, which makes the drink even more fun. I love it when appropriate drinks have nada de coco in them. In this it's like there are tiny bits (of hardened) mango in it. I love trying to chew on them.

No you shouldn't drink this while listening to trip hop. I think some ska punk would be more up to speed. Less Than Jake I'm looking in your direction.

Jimmy, I thought you said you were going to help me make some cookies. If you want to eat them you're going to help making them. No you can't just wash the dishes afterwards. You said you would do that last time, and when I went to put the dishes in the drying rack away, everything was covered in dough. Jimmy, you're a terrible dish washer. It's a good thing you're smart, because a career in the restaurant business would be short lived for you. Just crack those eggs in that bowl. Jesus, don't just throw the eggs in the bowl! Crack them on the side and drop the insides into the bowl. You don't want the shell in there. I mean who wants crunchy parts in their cookies? You know what? Just get the vanilla extract down from the cupboard.

What are you doing?!?!? Don't drink that! That's disgusting! How are you not vomiting from that? So gross! What? It tastes like that vanilla cream soda you got down at the store? What kind of pop are you drinking? Langers? Remind me to stay away from that. I like cream soda as much as the next mom, but it really shouldn't taste like slightly watered down vanilla extract. That is for cookies and the occasional coffee cake.

I'm slowly beginning to really enjoy sodas that have honey in them. The first one I ever had was Thomas Kemper and I didn't like it at first. Over time, it grew on me. This is another example of a decent root beer with honey in it. It has a nice classic root beer taste with not a whole lot of bite. But then the honey kicks in and it's a smooth and sweet aftertaste. I'd classify this as "good, but not great". Sorry Dominion, I love the label art though. The deer is very noble.

Dear Italy, Why have I never graced your shores? I feel like I have been nearby several times, but we never made the leap into the birthplace of pasta and organized crime. You are the home to many great things, and I think you deserve for me to visit and show some respect. I promise I will do so in the next few years. We'll have a quiet little date. We'll eat some real deal homemade pasta and sauce and you'll sip on a nice wine while I down glass after glass of the soda that is your namesake. I have to say that I may actually enjoy the soda more than your conversation. You know I don't speak Italian. I understand you're trying to make a point, but when I don't understand a thing you're saying the meaning you're trying to convey is lost. How about you just give in and speak English, just for a little while. The soda on the other hand speaks a language that everyone can understand (well except diabetic). It's the language of flavor. You Italy are more intelligent than most. You may have been the first to carbonate your juices, and didn't give up on the practice. You kept right on trucking. I assume that red oranges are the same as blood orange. If not they sure taste the same. It has a tarter, bolder orange flavor. It's the top of the evolution tree of oranges. They aren't going to get better than this. You took this miracle fruit and added just a little bit of sugar and some nice bubbles and you have something close to perfection.

It might be the soda talking, but you're looking pretty good tonight Italy. Oh you have a little bit of sauce on your cheek. No, not that side the other side. Down a little. To the right. Okay it's gone. Now you have some basil in your teeth....

Christmas time is upon us. I'm Jewish so you think that I wouldn't care, but I'm a horrible Jew. I don't hate Christmas or ham. I don't like shellfish so that's one in the "Good Jew" column, but I have tattoos and had piercings so that essentially knocks me out of any running to be "Jew of the year." For Christmas, you would typically have snow but not here. Global warming, if it exists, is in full effect. We are two days shy of the big day and there isn't one flake of snow on the ground and I am actually still wearing only a hoodie. I could be prepared if need be, but I simply don't have to worry about it.

It's hardly summer, but it's always a good time for a simple iced tea. That's where this Lipton PureLeaf line comes in. I have thoroughly enjoyed the entirety of this line and this lemon is, I'm assuming, where it all began. It's good. It tastes natural, is natural, and earns the name and the glass bottle it comes in. My boss bought me a titanium straw and I have been using it all day. In preparation for some sort of apocalypse when all plastic is destroyed I've got both a glass and titanium straw within arms reach. Zombies may be able to kill me if I don't get my hands on a machete and a boat, but when they do, I'll have gone out quenched.

Zombies, the elusive "Jew Card", Christmas, review...solid review, Mike. Solid review.

Well. Great. Merry Christmas. Fantastic. Here I am, on stage, accepting this award for perfect attendance for my high school. One of two kids that got it. I don't necessarily do stupendous in class, but I do fair. I'm a B student. What do I get? A handshake and a bottle of pop from the principal. That seems strange to me. I guess I did spend all that time going to class. I deserve this pop.

Alright. Study hall. Second to last day of the year. I've got this strange Tiger Malt and I'm going to drink it. I can do what I want. I'm 17, there is one day of school left and I haven't missed a day. Down the hatch Tiger Malt. Ugh. What the heck is in this bottle? What are my taste buds doing to me? I've got to try this again. I have never felt anything like this before. It's revolting but yet so familiar. Bleh. Terrible. Did someone play a joke on me? Is there some sort of conspiracy against letting kids finish a school year without missing a day? This is going to put me in the hospital? Did someone liquefy and strain a bowl of Raisin Bran? It tastes like a stronger version of my Puerto Rican friend Joey's mom's favorite Malta Goya drink. I might barf. That's isn't going to look good on the floor or on my permanent record.

Several people told me that they have never seen me as excited as when I found this drink in a corner store in New Brunswick, NJ. I screamed and giggled like a small child. I'm pretty sure I also was jumping up and down. Let it be known that I don't smoke pot ever, but I think the idea of this is completely ridiculous and hysterical and just thinking about how many people out there probably think that drinking this will get you high is almost too much for me to handle. On top of that the beverages logo is a pot leaf frozen in an ice cube. It's pure gold.

I strangely don't mind the flavor of this either. The way the flavor washed over your mouth is like watching a good DJ making a perfect transition between songs. It starts off tasting like a normal lemon iced tea. The lemon is actually pretty strong. Then as the lemon is slowly fading out the faders on the hemp flavor are moving up. There is a brief moment when they are in perfect balance, but before you can acknowledge it the hemp gets louder, while the lemon just fades away. There's really no other way to describe the hemp flavor other than it tastes the way a bag of weed smells. We've all got stoner friends who usually have weed on them, and we all know exactly what that dried plant smells like before it's smoked. That smell is the flavor. A friend who enjoys getting "lifted" says it tastes like stems and seeds. Ridiculous. I can't believe I don't hate the way this tastes, but I find it interesting.

I don't mean this as an afterthought, but I figured I should actually talk about the way the drink tastes first, but check out the packaging of this drink. It's way cool. It's a cardboard can. It's pretty much a drink in a Push Up Pop container. I absolutely love it, and I wish more drinks came in this format.

This root beer has one of my favorite labels ever. It's simple and classic looking. I would expect it to be the design on a wine bottle, and as we all know wine labels are generally the coolest looking of all drinks (even though they smell like literal death). That little guy is so excited to crack open his root beer. Perhaps there was an amendment to the constitution or some such thing and they are have a little celebratory party. Sure they have plenty of alcohol, but Chowning has had this special bottle of root beer put away, and he's been dying to bust it out. Seriously imagine how strong a root beer would have to be back then, especially one that is stopped with a cork (I'm sure all root beer was cork stopped back then).

The label also talks about boiling down roots and other ingredients to make a quality root beer. Mike and I tried making root beer like that once. We boiled it all down and it tasted pretty fantastic. Something went wrong in the carbonation though and an army of yeast soldiers invaded my mouth and I realized our wonderful brew was ruined. I'm guessing Old Dominion didn't really boil this down, as two of the ingredients are "root beer extract #214" and "root beer extract #79-400." I don't know what those numbers mean, but I'd love to find out. There is yucca, and vanilla in here though as well as honey for a sweetener (something that will always get a thumbs up from me). The blend tastes somewhere in the middle of a decent "root beer syrup" and a quality brewed from scratch soda. The first couple of sips were a bit disappointing, but the closer I got to the bottom of the bottle the stronger it became. I guess there was some settling of the ingredients.

While this may not 100% be an old boiled/brewed root beer from colonial times, it still beats most other brands that are commonly found. I'm sure everyone at the party enjoyed it quite a lot, while Chowning silently sulked, for he knew the greatness that it came so close to being.

Pomegranates: +1
Nectarines: -1
Coconut Water: 0

Total Score: 0

Regardless of the rather neutral score, I was somewhat enthusiastic to try it. Maybe it's because I don't ingest a lot of nectarine flavored drinks. I don't like to eat oranges, but I enjoy the orange flavor. I sped drank think before the coconut water took over. You know, the inherent chalkiness that comes with a coconut drink. You get a flavor, and it's fruity, but I personally couldn't distinguish between pomegranate and nectarine.

If I had to make a list of coconut drinks for people who don't like coconut drinks, this would be one on the list.

When I read the review that Liz Prince wrote for us for Big Red I was kind of shocked. I was almost positive that I had tried this soda before and that I really liked it. I remembered it tasting like Crush's red cream soda. After the review came out the company sent us a couple of bottles of their throwback version that is made with cane sugar. It sat in my cupboard for a while, but I decided to finally drink it tonight. After a single sip I knew I was mistaken and that I had never drank this before. There is no way that I would forget that weird bubble gum/7Up flavor. I certainly am not a fan. I don't normally like bubble gum flavored sodas to begin with, but this was worse than most. It has a very sudden gum flavor that quickly fades away into a lemon lime type of flavor that fades into something that I can only compare to when the ratio of syrup to soda water is off in a fountain machine. All of that plus it's way more sugary than your average soda pop. On top of that it randomly has caffeine in it. I didn't realize that until I forced myself to drink half the bottle. I had already decided I wasn't going to finish it, due to the taste, but that's set in stone now because of the caffeine. It's a little late and I'm a man who likes to actually sleep well in the winter.

I agree with Mrs. Prince; this stuff is garbage. Texas you have done us wrong. Why don't you just stick to making iced tea? You do an outstanding job with that. Leave the soda making to the northerners.

Tostitos with lime came out without alert and they also sneak into multi-purpose punch bowls at parties. I know that some people put their hand in that bowl, grab a chip, and hope to God that they aren't the "hint of lime" ones but you know what? Lime is Mexican. Salsa is Mexican. Guacamole might be and probably is Mexican. Tortilla chips are Mexican. Yeah, it seems like they have everything that matters in this life, but we, America, have Ocean Spray. America and Mexico are like brothers; America has the top bunk and Mexico has the bottom bunk. Together, these brothers high-fived and Ocean Spray with lime was born. It's strong cranberry and strong lime. You want it to be less lime, but you didn't make it, Ocean Spray did and they tell you what time it is.

It's tough to drink more than a glass, but that one glass is good. It's different than most things you've drunk and it's so simple.

Come on baby. Let's just get down tonight. I know we come from different sides of the tracks, you being fruit punch and me being a vegetable juice. It's about time that we knock boots, right? We've been together for three weeks and I've been good not to ask you for it. You know, it. Let's just pour our juices together. This is an old car, we can go in the back, put down a tarp, and get our juices all over the place. Mix 'em up. You know you want to, girl. Yeah girl. Unscrew that cap. Yeah, just throw it in the front seat. Come on, girl. I drink my vegetable juice all the time. It's about time that I drank some fruit juice. Daddy needs his vitamin C. I've had my cap off for ten minutes now. I was born ready. Just splash some stuff over there. Yeah, that's the stuff.

Hey, would you mind doing something for me? Would your pour some of your delicious fruit juice in my head? I just want to try it out. I want to taste what our juices together taste like. Yeah, just pour it right on in there. Don't worry about getting some on me. I love it. Now let me take a sip here. Ugh, are you feeling alright? Ugh, this is gross. What am I going to do now? It's all mixed in and I'm going to have to drink fifty-five gallons of it. This was a terrible idea. Maybe they were right. Maybe this is why you're not supposed to mix your side of the tracks with my side. Vegetable juice and fruit juice just don't mix. Oh, sure, girl, it's fun to make, but to drink...it's like fruit but then carrot flavored fruit, then just strange cabbage or spinach. I'm sorry, Daphne, you've got to go. I've got to clean this up and I might throw up and you don't want to see that. I'm sorry, baby. It's not you. It's me.

One reason you don't mess around with a Thirsty Dude is because we're overly sarcastic, very quick witted, and could destroy most anyone in a battle of wits. Another reason is because we stock all sorts of drinks that you don't know exist so when you ask, jokingly, for something "chunky and slimy", there is a good chance we can product such a drink with ease and you will be stuck drinking your own words.

One of my bosses requested the previously mentioned variety of drink and I was lucky enough to have on in the fridge at that moment, so from unsuspecting, funny suggestion to sorry and chunks took all of five minutes.

This is a stretch for me to say. I will say it, because I mean it, though, so here goes. This is the best lychee drink and the best nata de coco drink I've ever had. It's got a great lychee flavor and is very strong scented. Very perfumey, like an old woman that you don't mind sitting next to on the bus. The coco chunks have a great, fun, consistency that isn't too hard, and isn't too soft. It's not like an aloe as it has way more bite to it. I could only describe it as a very, very soft eraser. I liked it and would drink it again. Thank you Malaysia, the gayest country in Asia.

Dear Italy, I love what you've done with sodas. Your version is generally not as sweet, but still very flavorful. I'd like to think that you were trying to take the same approach with this tea, but you lost your way on the adventure. I think where you went wrong is that you concentrated on the peach instead of the tea. I can safely say that you got the peach down perfectly. You actually used peach juice instead of artificial garbage, and it shows. Well done. Unfortunately I think you used either all of your time or your capital working on that and forgot to give the tea the very special attention it deserved. You could have very easily brewed some fresh tea, that would have been great, but you went with a tea extract (poor choice). While this still tastes great, it's more like a peach drink than a tea drink. Sorry.
Sincerely,
The Thirsty Dudes

I have reached this conclusion from the name of this beverage; Karma. If I am to believe the nonsense that I just thought up the taste of this beverage is dependent on how well you have lived your life in regard to others. By this way of thinking I've just learned that I have had a very mediocre relationship with my fellow human beings. I haven't been terrible to them, but at the same time I have never done grand things for them either. If I ever want this to be a top-notch drink then I am going to have to start being a better human being. Damn.
The drink is along the same lines as the Activate line. It's a normal flavored beverage that has a packet of vitamins in the cap. Before you drink it you push down the to of the cap to release the vitamins into the drink. Then you shake it all up and take your maiden sip. I wish the base drink was actually a brewed green tea instead of just green tea leaf extract. That and the secondary sweetener of Stevia rebaudiana make the drink taste a little fake. If I had been a better person I have no doubt that it would have been brewed tea and just cane sugar. I can just imagine how much better the drink would be. It actually does taste like passionfruit, but the coldness of the Stevia kind of ruins it. It's basically a fresher version of a tea version of a Vitamin Water (that was a mouthful) that was unfortunately sweetened in a way that I'm not into. Guess I'm off to be a sweeter dude to the world. I really want better tasting drinks.

No one? No one has a bottle opener? The ones in this gift shop in Mexico don't work for some reason. One would assume that a drink and bottle made in the same country would expect compatible. Now I'm walking around Cozumel with a bottle of chocolate milk looking like a jerk. Looking like a dude, with a giant beard, whom is nearly thirty carrying around an unopened bottle of chocolate milk. I hope people don't think I'm trying to lure in little unsuspecting Mexican kids to work on some American sweat camp.

Oh sir, please. You've got to help me. Do you...you do?! Thank you so much. Finally I can drink this...mediocre chocolate milk. I looked all around Mexico only to be proven correct in my assumption that this was going to taste like watery chocolate milk. Great. A dollar well spent for some is a dollar wasted for others. I wish I had more time here so that I could make up for this, but alas, my ship is sailing and I'm exhausted from haggling, poorly, for authentic sugar skulls.