Sugar - 840 Reviews

John, we've got a good line of drinks here. We've got coconut stuff and our Thai tea, which is fitting because we're from Thailand. I'm sorry to report that sales are down this quarter and we've got a good idea why. We received numerous complaints about how bold the Thai tea is with our proprietary chai blend and how creamy and nutty our coconut drinks are. I know, they sound like compliments but in reality, it's the general public asking for something more.

I have spent literally dozens of dollars on research and development, or as the fellas in R and D call it, "R and D" developing the perfect drink to meet people right in the middle and I am here to announce to you, John, Taste Nirvana's very own creamy green tea. It's green tea, which people have been drinking for ages mixed with a little bit of milk, a little bit of sugar, and a little bit of soy, you know, for fun. It's tamer than our Thai tea, and in my opinion, not as good, but the people get what the people want. It tastes exactly like how a "creamy green tea" would taste if you dreamed about it, as I did.

John, this is how my dreams taste. Can you taste my dreams? Do you like the way my dreams taste, John? Now I need you to go out and tell the world about my dreams and how they taste.

I didn't want this to be as good as it was. I thought to myself that I had been getting off too easy with a lot of these flavors and you, the public, might see some strange drink at a store, are curious, check the site, see that it's gross, and put it down. We travel far and wide to get some of the strangest things we can find, stupidly buy them, stupidlier drink them, and give your our intimate thoughts on them or some equally entertaining/less helpful review.

This guy isn't bad. It's got a tropical, nectar taste to it. Think of passionfruit nectar and if you like that, you'll like this. This dude I work with, Ken, is almost from the Bahamas and he told me how his mom made stuff with the seeds and how they dried the leaves and all about the soursop's medicinal properties for inflammation and pregnancy and such. What a super-fruit! Honestly, if it makes a good juice like this, help people alleviate pain, and do all that other stuff, it's got to be good.

Try it. You'll probably find it at your local Jamaican or Asian market. Sometimes they are the same thing. That is strange to me.

This was suggested to me by our Thirsty Dudes ally Andy Czuba. He takes awesome photos and sings in a great band called Strangers. I respect Andy's taste in most things so when he texted me last night and told me to give this drink a try, I knew it must be good.

I've seen this brand a lot at the Lexington Co-op but usually pass them by due to the high price ($2.99 for a 16oz bottle oof!). I already had a good feeling on this when I saw the ingredients: water, limejuice, blackberry puree, sugar. Simple. Clean. Delicious. In a world where most food products have a paragraph of ingredients, it's nice and refreshing finding a drink that has a short list and it's all things that are easily recognizable.

So was Andy right? Indeed he was! The blackberry taste is juicy, thick, and deep. It lingers for a little bit after each sip, which is great. The lime aftertaste is super tart but I like it that way. I really like drinks like this that give you two distinct different tastes right after each other. It's like a one-two punch of sweet berry, and then BAM! sour lime in your face. I might have to splurge on the other flavors of Natalie's delicious drinks.

On the front of this juice-box, which doesn't contain juice, there are the following items that scared the heck out of me:

• Eggs


• Bananas

There were also soybeans on the box, but that didn't scare me, you know, 'cause I'm tough.

I brought this to my brother and he jumped right in. He said, and I later concurred, that it tastes like the milk after you eat a bowl of Honey Comb. Initially, it's very sweet but once it's in your mouth, it's fine, so stop crying about it.

Derek's daddy brought this over from his work trip to Taiwan and I bet he tried to gross us out but surprise, Derek's daddy, it's not half bad. Anyone who has drank the milk for any particular corn based honey cereal has had this drink before.

The other day Punchy was hanging out with that weird "angel" dude that stars in the Red Bull commercials. Punchy just wanted to slug the ol' punching bag for a bit, but the angel guy just kept trying to get him to drink some Red Bull. He kept going on and on about it giving you wings. Being that Punchy is still a child somehow he gives in easily to peer pressure. It didn't take long before he downed a can, then two, then three. He was flying. He had grown accustomed to sugar highs, but this was something completely new to him. He got so worked up that he kept goading the angel to punch him in the stomach. One punch later and Punchy was laying on the ground in a puddle of his own red vomit. Just then a vampire was passing by and thought that it was blood that Punchy was passed out in. Never one to pass up a free meal he pulled out a straw and started to drink it down. It was obviously not blood, but it had a decent taste. The vampire called his friend, who runs True Colors, and they worked out a deal. Long story short they kidnapped Punchy, they keep him tied up in a basement and cyclically force-feed him Red Bull and punch him in a stomach to make him vomit. They then can what comes up, which tastes like a mixture of Hawaiian Punch and Red Bull. I swear it doesn't actually taste like vomit.

If Paula Deen called me up and said, "Mikey, I'm cordially invitin' myself to y'all's house this Thursday and y'all'r gonna make me supper." I would have no idea what to make. She's a world-renowned chef and I'm some jerk kid with a sweet/gross beard who drinks stuff. She's got to be expecting something good, and no, hot dogs are not good enough for Paula Deen. I'm not going to make anything she couldn't blow me out of the water with so I'm going to have to prepare something out of this world, like steak with macaroni and cheese inside of it with a side of macaroni and cheese with steak in it. She's probably never seen that and I would at least have the element of surprise on my side. Darn, she'll want another side because one side is simply not enough for a guest. What am I going to make? I've clearly got nothing in my shelves based on my theoretical main course and initial side. Apples? Sliced apples as a side? I can put some brown sugar on there. Done. That's got some color and sweetness to offset the salty, cheesy meal. I'll make regular corn, too, out of the bag, boiled. Why? Corn is a great compliment to any meal.

To wash it down, without a doubt, this mint julep pop. Sure, I could do sweet tea, but riddle me this, friends; do you think that I can serve her a sweet tea that she wouldn't scoff at? I know, she seems like the nicest woman ever on TV, but do you think that she got to the top of the charts by being nice? She's got some want and competition in that bubbly personality that would knock the toughest Ironman on his dumb feet. She'll probably sit down, eat my disgusting meal, and then try and wash it down with this minty drink and say, "You'all's know what you're doing with this meal." Know why? This minty pop will disguise the abomination that she just ingested and she'll forget all about it. It's real sugar and she'll like that and it says plantation so she'll forget about the wool I tried to pull over her eyes and talk about the South, which is all I wanted to do during this entire meal anyhow.

Mike: 1.
Paula Deen: 1,891,954.

I'm not one to turn down a ginger beer. I've actually been searching high and low for the greatest ginger beer of them all. If I ever narrow it down to two I may have them go head to head in a Thunderdome style scenario. How much of a crock was that anyways. "Two men enter. One man leaves." Master Blaster was two separate people. I don't know about you, but where I'm from that's considered cheating. I suppose it would also be cheating if I entered this ginger beer into the competition since it is unfairly matched up with its friend lime. Let me tell you they make an incredible pair.

This tastes like there was a malfunction at the factory where they were making some sort of Sprite rip off. The lemon pump got all jammed up and only lime made it into the mix. Then instead of wasting the whole batch they added a decent ginger beer to the mix. It's sweet and refreshing with a ginger aftertaste and a medium burn. If these were readily available around Buffalo I might have a problem.

What've you got there? Is that a gun? Oh, it's just a can. Sorry. I'm a bit paranoid. You see, I had this wildly vivid dream where a man who looked just like you stood me up at this very shoe store. I was here, buying my Gentlemen, welcome to orientation. As many of you know this weekend marks the opening of the golf course here at Leisurewood Acres Country Club. For the sake of the new caddies and as a reminder to those returning to us I would like to remind everyone that this is a place of business, not a movie from the 80's. Every year pranks get played and every year the golfers complain. I'm not above having a little fun, but really guys how many times can you throw a Baby Ruth in the pool and pretend it's a turd? It's been done and I don't see any of you following in the footsteps of the great Bill Murray and taking a bite out of the chlorine drenched candy.

Okay, I know you guys aren't going to listen to me and the pranks are going to happen no matter what I say, but can you please at least be creative. Recreating scenes from a movie is never funny to people on the outside. In fact it's just plain annoying. So think of new pranks or don't do any at all. I'm putting my foot down about that. Also, while you're out there on the links daydreaming about what jokes you're going to pull, offer the golfers some cans of this new Peace Tea. Sharon in the front office accidentally ordered 100 cases of the stuff and we have to move it somehow. Mark, stop your complaining. It's not like I'm having you guys peddle garbage tea, this is some decent quality stuff. For legal reasons we can't call it by it's proper nomenclature, but it's half tea and half lemonade the way great golfers like it. It's actually way better than the garbage they've been brewing in the kitchen. It tastes like a naturally brewed lemon tea with a little extra kick to it. There's even a little apple juice mixed in for good measure. It's refreshing and tastes more like tea than it does sugar water.

Now get out there with your tiny scissors and tend to the greens. The groundskeeper left in a huff and said something about getting a job at an elementary school. At least that's what I think he said. It's hard to understand him because of his accent sometimes.

When I saw the name of this company, I was really hoping the logo would be an awesome drawing of a huge angry hornet sinking its stinger into someone and killing them. I feel like that would compliment the name Killer Buzz a lot better than their current can design. Don't get me wrong; it's nice and classy design. To me, it looks more like a sophisticated sparkling juice than an energy drink.

Like most energy drinks, this is a total mock Red Bull taste. It's good because I like the taste of Red Bull. It's definitely working because I am currently listening to the mellow sounds of Eluvium and now I want to listen to something more upbeat. Score one for Killer Buzz!

Does anyone besides the elderly drink, let actually like instant coffee? My grandfather drank it, but I think he may be the only person I've known that has. I don't like coffee to begin with, so an instant version sounds like pure hell. Why do they even make it if no one buys it, well besides the elderly? When you get to a certain age do you just suddenly develop a taste for it, or did it just have it's time and place and once that generation dies out the "art" of instant coffee will be gone?

For as few people who purchase instant coffee I can only assume that even less buy instant tea. I think every mother buys a huge tub of it once. They make one pitcher of it. It takes one glass to realize it's way gross and then the tub sits in the pantry for years never to be opened again. It turns out that all of that unused instant tea on the shelves of grocery stores ends up in the factories of "ghetto" tea companies. You know the ones that are brands you never really heard of that come in huge jugs for less than a dollar. They all seem to have the names of farms, but I don't know why a farm would make iced tea. I could understand juice or some nice chocolate milk, but tea makes no sense.

Galliker's is one such company. They are based out of Pennsylvania and I believe they are also known as the "in-store" brand for Sheetz gas stations. I love Sheetz. I wish more gas stations were like it. They are clean and have a great selection of drinks as well as the "Made to Order" deli section.

I would probably never have picked this up, except the sugar cubes on the label caught my attention. Sure enough this is corn syrup free. That made up my mind, along with the fact that it says "no lemon." It's cheap sugar tea. That is for certain. The thing is sometimes drinks like that have a certain charm. It's on the higher end of the scale of cheap teas. I would never go out of my way to pick it up, but if I saw it in a gas station and it was between this and a Nestea or a Brisk this product would certainly win out.

I really enjoyed the last Kato drink I had, so I've been waiting to try this flavor. I forgot this was a nata de coco drink, and not aloe like I first thought it was. I like nata de coco, but not as much as aloe. The chunks are harder, and chewier. In comparison, aloe is really squishy and needs no chewing at all.

The lychee flavor in this is nice, but not amazing. It's not too sweet which is nice seeing as I wanted a thirst quenching drink on this hot day. It had the consistency of a watery juice.

It's rough being eight. I can't have everything I want. Sure, I don't get homework and my math is just adding and subtracting and I only get like four hours a day to play with friends. I have no responsibilities except to brush my teeth, which I only do when mom is watching. I also feed the dog the food I don't want for dinner under the table regardless of what my dad says. So DJ Biacco the chihuahua has gained fifteen pounds and my parents have no idea why. I don't care. I'm eight and don't completely understand consequences.

One thing that I want is pop, all the time. I love it and my dumb mom never lets me have it. I don't care if I lose teeth; they just keep growing back, right? That's why I don't brush them, as I have previously mentioned. So I love pop and want more of it, number one. Number two, more strawberry milk needs to be stocked in the house. I love it and once again, I can't have it all the time and that's just not fair.

You know what would be great? Strawberry milk pop. Man, if they ever made that then I would just lose my mind. Wait, what? They do? You've got to be kidding me. I have to get some. You have some? It's strange that you would have this on you. If I didn't know better, you would be trying to get me in your van. I don't think you have any. You do have it! I will get in the van because I see that you have video games and pizza in there, but just to eat one slice and try this Milkis.

Ahh! How did no one tell me about...yeah you can close the door. How did no one tell me about this before? It tastes like carbonated strawberry milk. This is the best drink I have ever had.

Where are we going? Oh, we're here? Oh, there's my house. Thanks for taking me home, although it was strange that you did that since I only live two blocks from where we were. Thanks anyhow and thanks for this Milkis.

That's it! I've just come to a firm conclusion that I am not a fan of lemon in iced tea, or ice tea as this drink is called. I don't know if I really like lemon in anything other than lemonade to be honest. More times than naught it'd presence also brings a thought of cleaning products. In iced tea it generally makes me feel like I have a nice tall glass of tea that is sitting in the open and I dust my apartment with lemon Pledge and I accidentally spray the Pledge into my glass. For those of you who are into that sort of thing I really think this tea would be right up your alley. It has a good black tea taste and the lemon actually does taste more like fruit than cleaner, but not enough to satisfy me.

A reader of Thirsty Dudes recently sent us a link to Death By Caffeine. It's a site where you can input your weight and choose a drink from a drop down list and it will tell you how many cans/bottles you would have to consume to die from caffeine consumption. This drink wasn't on it, but it has the same amount as many other energy drinks of this size (80mg). Apparently it would take 185 cans of this to kill me.

Do I want to drink 185 cans of this in a row? Not really. Don't get me wrong this is not bad. It's actually pretty decent for an energy drink. It's made with sugar, and not fake sweetener or HFCS like a lot of energy drinks. It vaguely tastes like a less acidic Red Bull.

My only complaint about this drink is it's not blue in color. Very misleading with a name like Blu.

What to say? What to say? You know what I could say, but I don't want to say it. How can I say this positively...it tastes good? There is no doubt about that. It one-ups Gatorade because it uses real sugar. Hey, remember when people spread the rumors that drinking Gatorade puts holes in your teeth? I guess, in theory, it's correct because cavities are just holes, but I think that my mom still thinks that drinking enough Gatorade will make your teeth look like Swiss cheese. Anyhow, I'll just say it.

This tastes like Gatorade. It's to be expected. The flavor is good, it's quenching, and it's in a large enough bottle that you can drink it for a couple days, or if your irresponsible, one day.

Have you or a loved one been drinking Gatorade for years and want a change? Here you go. It's all-natural, just as quenching, and a name that you're already familiar with? Good deals.

Master. I obey you. I will attend to your every request. I will wait on you hand and food. Master, what do you mean that's not necessary? Of course it is. Your name is Master Kong, right. I'm not barking up the wrong tree. I saw the name with vinyl graphics on the door clearly state that your name was Master Kong. Since you're the only person in here and you're not cleaning up like some sort of maintenance man, I can only assume that you are Master Kong, my master.

I'm sorry, what? You're not my master? Did your parent's name you that? I've got to say, it's pretty rad. Can I get up off the floor? My knees are hurting from bowing to you for the last twenty minutes. Thanks, Master. Can I call you, Kong? Since you're not my master, I don't really feel right calling you Master any more. It's like someone called "Daddy" who I have to call by his name who isn't my daddy. It's strange.

I walked by something earlier and it said you were the Master of tea. That's a strong statement. You make tea? Can I try some? Thanks. Holy crap...you are indubitably the master of tea. This is delicious. It's sweet, a little bitter, and clearly sweetened with honey. It's so light that you can taste everything you put in here. You, sir, are a wonderful and worth of your name. I'll take a case of it, a big case. Oh, that's too big. I drive an Isetta.

In the wild world of Canada, there are live exotic fruits. It's true. You don't believe me? Take a trip up to Toronto. While you're there, go do yourself a favor and go to "Fifty Toppings Guy". It's a hot dog cartman on the corner of Queen and Spadina who has wonderful veggie and non-veggie dogs. I'm assuming that you've got a satchel or a fanny pack or something to carry your exotic fruits in, so I am not even going to address it. So once you get past the Eaton Centre, up on your left is a jungle. Ask James, the night watchman, if you can go in. You know the secret hand gesture, right? That's right. It's the same one as the Van Buren Boys hand signal that George Costanza used to save his life. Once James lets you in, get your shoving arms ready because it's a madhouse in there. The pushing and shoving, you would think you were in one of those Filene's "Running of the Brides" events.

Wait, did I tell you that all the exotic juices are in juice box format? Ooops. Sorry. Did you think that it was just fruit hanging off of trees? Are you kidding? Passionfruit, Guava, and all that other good stuff doesn't grow in Toronto. They have to package it up so that it doesn't get damaged when dropped, and since you're going to be fighting your way through said juice, you'd better have a nice, cardboard carrying case around it.

Whilt pushing fat men and skinny ladies, fight your way over to the Rubicon table to grab some of their guava, or as they like to say "goyave". It's pretty close to the bare essentials of what guava is all about. Water, guava pulp, and sugar and then some preservatives and stabilizers to keep it from surprising you with a straw full of brown juice. Oh man, the thought of that makes me want to puke. It's a little gritty like nectar and just the right amount of sweetness so you don't get cavities and probably get some sort of legitimate nutrition. Your mom would be proud, but don't show her that you got your school clothes dirty because some angry woman just pushed you in the dirt so she could get her grubby, rather large hands on the pineapple juice boxes.

Jay has a certain love for ginger that not many have. Sure, many of us enjoy ginger ale, but if you've ever had real ginger, you know that it doesn't taste much like ginger at all. Ginger ale has a taste all it's own and unless you get a certain kind, they all just taste...well like "ginger ale".

So Jay has recently started putting ginger that you would get on sushi on his tacos, and although you might be saying "Eww, gross. Jay, that's gross." you might want to try it because it adds a pretty nice flavor, and I'm not a huge fan of pickled ginger. I love a good ginger beer and I love a good ginger ale, but ginger in itself, eh.

So Kiri. This is some pretty remarkable stuff. They really do things differently up North, in America's Hat. This tastes just like real ginger and if you are a fan of that idea, travel on up there, or somewhere online, and get yourself a bottle of this stuff because it's good. No burn, but a consistent, clean ginger taste. It took my by surprise and I thought it was going to be just another ginger ale. I like when I'm wrong.

Sheriff: Son, I'm going to have to ask you to not dump all of that chemical waste into our fair Snake River.

Jimmy the Dumper: Screw you cop! My daddy is paying me five American dollars to do this for him.

Sheriff: Son, if you keep talking that way I'm going to have to place you under arrest for violating some sort of environmental law, and well for hurting my feelings.

Jimmy the Dumper: Wait a minute! You're in cut off shorts, crocs, and an FBI (Female Body Inspector) shirt. You're not a real cop!

Sheriff: Son, I have a bottle cap from a Jackson Hole soda that looks like a badge of some sort that proves otherwise. Now if you'll please come quietly we'll get this all sorted out back at the station.

Jimmy the Dumper: You mean that creepy shed behind your house? Screw this I'm out of here. *He then pushes over the sheriff and dumps the rest of the waste on him, ensuring that his daddy will give him the five dollars he so deserves to go buy some chew down at Art's Dairy Bar.*


The moral of this story is don't be a chump. Drinking Jackson Hole does not make you a law official, but it does mean that you have great taste. All of their sodas have gotten outstanding marks here at Thirsty Dudes. Their sarsaparilla is no different. It tastes like the darkest, heaviest root beer I have ever tried. When it's in your mouth it taste more like a root beer than other sarsaparilla's I've had, but as I said in a unique way. After you swallow, the aftertaste is pure sarsaparilla. That's the way things should be.

On a final note:
Dear Jackson Hole,
Please start distributing your sodas to Buffalo, NY as soon as possible. You're from Wyoming. There is a Buffalo in Wyoming. Pretend that's where you're sending it and send it to New York instead. We really need you in our lives on a more constant basis.
Sincerely,
The City of Buffalo

What do I crave? I crave chocolate milk that is thick. I want chocolate milk that is on the cusp of a milkshake. Why? Why would you ask me? Do you like thin, runny chocolate milk? That's for kids...well chocolate milk is for kids. I mean, chocolate milk is for everyone. Greg, a dude I work with who beat me in go-carts over the weekend, cannot stop drinking these once he starts and he's in his thirties. This is nice, thick chocolate milk. It's got a rich flavor that you don't care about slamming. Plus, due to the fact that it's in that rad aluminum can, you can shake it up all you want and create perfect, frothy chocolate milk. What more could you ask for? You want one now, don't you? I'm a salesman. I'm hired.