The following things are generally bad news for beverage companies. 1. Your products are found at Big Lots at a discounted rate (Say, oh I dunno…€¦ 33 cents per can). 2. You make beverages and us here at Thirsty Dudes have never heard of your company, and we are not 100% sure how to pronounce its name. 3. Your social media presence seems to have dried up (perhaps you haven't made a post in nearly two years). If all three of these things ring true, then it's more than likely that the company has folded and that once the shelves are clear I will never hear a word about the company again. In this case it's kind of a shame because for some reason that I cannot understand I do not hate this companies products. They are diet energy drinks that rely on the natural side of things to provide said energy. It's all B vitamins and caffeine in here. They are proud of the fact that they do not use taurine, but the strange thing is that energy drinks that do contain that specific ingredient tend to be the ones that taste like melted candy. Even without it each of these flavors taste like a melted Free-Z-Pop. Since the demise of this company seems to have already occurred, I'm going to pull a first time move here on Thirsty Dudes and just write one review and use it for all of the flavors, because I don't think this is going to be much help to anyone looking to try something new, unless they see it immediately and rush to Big Lots before the space is swapped out for another doomed product.

Blue Raspberry: It's a diet version of a flavor that doesn't really exist in nature. Blue raspberries aren't a real thing, so why do so many companies use it as a flavor? If you are reading this, chances are you know exactly what this flavor tastes like. Now just make that diet and you have what's in this can.
Mango Passionfruit: This is the flavor that is probably closest to the fruits it's meant to impersonate. It is ridiculously sweet. While there is no sugar in here there are loads of sucralose. This is the flavor I thought I would enjoy the most and while it's perfectly serviceable I enjoyed the last one the most.

Wild Grape: You know how grapes taste? Do you also know how grape flavored things taste? Well this falls on the latter side of the divide. I don't know why I really enjoy the taste of fake grape. I mean I love the real thing too, but sometimes on a nice hot day I just want a mouthful of fake grape. Maybe it has something to do with a childhood memory. Who knows? All I know is I enjoyed this more than I expected to, even in all its diet glory.

Finally, I don't know if Kapoya just missed the Stevia train, but I feel like had these used it as their zero calorie sweetener they may have been able to get away with labeling these as “all natural” and I'm sure that would have helped to move more units for more than $.33 each.

The following things are generally bad news for beverage companies. 1. Your products are found at Big Lots at a discounted rate (Say, oh I dunno…€¦ 33 cents per can). 2. You make beverages and us here at Thirsty Dudes have never heard of your company, and we are not 100% sure how to pronounce its name. 3. Your social media presence seems to have dried up (perhaps you haven't made a post in nearly two years). If all three of these things ring true, then it's more than likely that the company has folded and that once the shelves are clear I will never hear a word about the company again. In this case it's kind of a shame because for some reason that I cannot understand I do not hate this companies products. They are diet energy drinks that rely on the natural side of things to provide said energy. It's all B vitamins and caffeine in here. They are proud of the fact that they do not use taurine, but the strange thing is that energy drinks that do contain that specific ingredient tend to be the ones that taste like melted candy. Even without it each of these flavors taste like a melted Free-Z-Pop. Since the demise of this company seems to have already occurred, I'm going to pull a first time move here on Thirsty Dudes and just write one review and use it for all of the flavors, because I don't think this is going to be much help to anyone looking to try something new, unless they see it immediately and rush to Big Lots before the space is swapped out for another doomed product.

Blue Raspberry: It's a diet version of a flavor that doesn't really exist in nature. Blue raspberries aren't a real thing, so why do so many companies use it as a flavor? If you are reading this, chances are you know exactly what this flavor tastes like. Now just make that diet and you have what's in this can.
Mango Passionfruit: This is the flavor that is probably closest to the fruits it's meant to impersonate. It is ridiculously sweet. While there is no sugar in here there are loads of sucralose. This is the flavor I thought I would enjoy the most and while it's perfectly serviceable I enjoyed the last one the most.

Wild Grape: You know how grapes taste? Do you also know how grape flavored things taste? Well this falls on the latter side of the divide. I don't know why I really enjoy the taste of fake grape. I mean I love the real thing too, but sometimes on a nice hot day I just want a mouthful of fake grape. Maybe it has something to do with a childhood memory. Who knows? All I know is I enjoyed this more than I expected to, even in all its diet glory.

Finally, I don't know if Kapoya just missed the Stevia train, but I feel like had these used it as their zero calorie sweetener they may have been able to get away with labeling these as “all natural” and I'm sure that would have helped to move more units for more than $.33 each.

The weather has finally broke and it's been plain warm out. The sun is shining down the trees are sprouting leaves and I'm sitting on my back porch hanging with my new puppy and sipping on this can of seltzer'ade. Oh yeah, The artist formerly known as Editor Dan is also with me, encouraging my pup to be the jerk he kind of already is. He's a bad friend I tell ya. The only reason I mention this poor influence is that he tried this beverage and instantly proclaimed that it tasted like lemon Pez. He's not too far off base. It's not exact, but I see where he's coming from. I have no idea if this tastes like actual starfruit, because I haven't tasted one in over a decade. I can say that it is fruity and refreshing, and that I would be enjoying it a lot more if I didn't have to worry about this dog doing something stupid, like dig a giant hole in my lawn…€¦..too late.

Pea and rice are my favorite protein sources when it comes to powders. To me they taste the best and I don't feel gross drinking something that comes from an animal. For the record milk has grossed me out since I was a kid and I will never get over thinking about what it actually is, and how unbelievably unnatural it seems for one species to drink another species milk.

Anyway, this is made from peas, and just peas. Guess what, it tastes like peas. If you use water as a mixer it can be a little bitter. I tried it with water as well as almond milk, and I enjoyed the later much more. Listen, I know mushy peas are the worst vegetable on the Thanksgiving table, but they are much better in this form. It's the texture that makes them gross. I swear. Just buy something like this instead of whey protein, you'll feel better about your choice.

It's that time of year again and the limited edition summer line by Polar is finally here. I have been checking the grocery store for weeks and it has paid off, as there are some new flavors this time around that definitely got me excited.

Pineapple is one of the greatest fruits we have discovered on this vast planet. Sure if you eat too much it can be painful. I once ate an entire pineapple, by self, in one sitting and it made my tongue bleed. Citrus can be a harsh mistress, but the taste makes it worth it. That side of this twist is fantastic. I'm not exactly sure who got away with pitching adding lemon to it though. Lemon is a budget flavoring and I feel that as humans we can move past it for the most part. I'm sure it was proposed as pineapple lemonade, which would have been incredible. That belongs in their Seltzerade line though, as here the flavor doesn't have the punch it needs to be classified as a lemonade. A pineapple lime would have been nice. I would have loved to have gotten a pineapple-apple seltzer, as the name would make me laugh every time I poured a glass. My number one choice would have been pineapple vanilla though. I've made it on my own and it's delicious.

As it stands this is fairly tasty and I went through the bottle quick. I just feel there are better potential pairings out there that were missed out on.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Shel Silverstein book that shares a name with this beverage is about how humans are horrible needy beings that will ruin anything if it helps them to “progress.” In the book the boy takes and takes until there is nothing left, and even then he uses ole stumpy as a place to rest his weary body, when he hasn't been back in years to visit. At the same time the book seems to teach that feminine things should be happy to serve. I know it's a childhood favorite to a lot of people but looking at it as an adult that book is a crock.

While they may share names this beverage is of a different sort. They give in the form of vitamin c, calcium, potassium, iron, protein as well refreshment, but they also take your cash and make a profit, which they should. As an added bonus, Giving Tree Tea also donates a portion of each sale to provide healthy meals to people who are struggling with hunger. They should be the basis for a children's book. They give and they take, and they aren't a chump in doing so. Everyone is happy and they are making the world a better place. Sharing and giving are important, but so is your general wellbeing, and don't let a picture book from the 60's tell you any different.

Moringa is a light earthy tea that has some produce like notes in it. Sometimes I think they are fruitlike and other times it's almost like leafy greens. I'm going to go with the latter and say it's the sugar that makes me think of fruit. It's almost as if it's tea flavored water, except it is way healthier. I feel like I could down a gallon of this without blinking.

When you live in a country where more and more people are finally starting to become health conscious eventually seltzer water is going to come into the mainstream. I'm not saying that it used to be a underground phenomenon. It's not like it's the mid 80's and Dischord is at the forefront of the DC punk scene. It just wasn't something that was everywhere with tons of people drinking it. I've been seeing a lot of ads for Bubbly around lately. Something about the design work made me think of generic store brand and I didn't hold much hope for greatness. I finally grabbed this today when I was thirsty, on the run, and not looking for sugar. While it's not mind-blowing and bursting with flavor in a way that makes you question if there is secretly sugar involved in some way, but it is very good. The strawberry is subtle, yet present. I'm aware of the contradiction there. It's just that it's not really there while you mull over the flavor in your mouth, but the second you swallow it's strawberry town. Maybe strawberry-ville? Well, it's certainly more than the hamlet of strawberry. Whatever, it's tasty and tastes as much like strawberries as you possibly could without it being sweet. With a price point a bit higher than my standby Polar, I don't know if I could buy a case to grab on the go, but I would certainly grab these again from gas stations while I'm out and about. Sometimes the increased quality just does not justify the increase in price, well at least for me, but I'm cheap.

I've been kind of into protein drinks lately. I mean as much as you can get into them, which is to say I've been drinking them somewhat regularly. I realized I have a big portion control problem when it comes to eating. If there is food in front of me I will just absentmindedly eat it. The fact that I sometimes eat a ridiculous amount without thinking about it, leads me to overeat during regular meals because my stomach is stretched (that's science right?). I've found that protein drinks help me to not eat between meals so much. I'll have one instead of a snack (which is probably a meal to most) and it helps curb my appetite. It's also nice that it helps with muscle building and it makes me feel like I'm not wasting my time at the gym and I'm getting better results. That is far too much background information just so that I can say I was excited when these showed up in the mail. Good timing is always appreciated.

This bottle has 15g of whey protein. I generally prefer to get my protein from plant sources, but exceptions can be made. It's grape flavored, but it contains no juice, so that means it tastes like a melted Free-Z-Pop, which I am more than okay with. Normally fake fruit flavors bother me, but for some reason I'm into fake grape. The whey protein gives it a slightly milky taste. It's not so much like an orange cream, but it's there around the edges. The grape is still in the foreground though. Mike said that the Tropical Coconut one he had was a bit chalky, but I'm not getting that with this flavor. It's sweetened with sucralose, which I didn't realize until after I had finished it, which is also a good sign, because I didn't taste anything diet in there. Overall this is pretty nice for a grab and go protein drink.

I will finally acknowledge that I am an adult. I am responsible. I take care of my bills on time. I no longer have the time for drama and nonsense in my life. Most importantly I don't need to ingest mass amounts of sugar. For a couple of years now I have been riding the seltzer train. At first it was a little hard going, but I soon completely latched on. Sure, there are times where I do have a sugar craving, or a certain type of beverage won't leave my brain. Sometimes I give in and give myself a treat. Others I fill the gap with something somewhat similar but healthier. Now I am a fool for blood orange anything. It's the superior citrus fruit in my world, and I can't get enough of it. When I saw that Polar expanded their Seltzer'ade line and it included a Blood Orange Lemonade, I couldn't get a case into my cart fast enough. Sometimes things just can't match the expectations that form in your head though. While this is quite tasty, it is by no means a replacement for a good blood orange Italian soda. It is a flavor that needs a little sugar to be enhanced. As I said this is very good, but it may be the lightest flavored of this line that I have tried. If this was as strong as the mango one I would have a new beverage of the summer. As it stands I don't know how often I would get it as it leaves me wanting.

As someone who drinks dairy extremely rarely, I have to say this really grossed me out. I can't tell you when the last time I took a sip of cow's milk was. If I had to guess I would say at least 15 years. Sure I've eaten my fair share of ice cream since then, but there is something very different about drinking dairy. Oh did I also mention that I only like mozzarella cheese and all other types also gross me out? I say that because this tastes like it was half frothy milk and half some weird liquefied cheese that I would never eat in its solid form. This is grass fed whey protein that is derived from goat's milk. I've never had goats milk before and I'm guessing I would not enjoy it. I could have told you that before I tried this. Having that made into a powdered protein is even less appealing. I'm sure there are people out there who would be really into it, but I am most definitely not one of them. I will stick with pea and rice proteins.

Sometimes you come across things in life that are simply not for you, but that you can appreciate that they are well made and completely understand why other people would love them. This tea is one such thing. I've never been a huge lemon fan. I always kind of thought that it was because the flavor normally tasted very fake or that it wasn't strong enough in a pure form (the exception being proper lemonade which I can destroy during appropriate times). The Tea house Collection doesn't mess around. They don't add “flavoring” to their teas. They actually brew the things in with the tea itself, like tea should be made. Lemon peel and honeysuckle are mixed in with the black tea leaves when the hot water is added to steep it. That makes all the difference and everything tastes natural. The result is a lemon tea that has a strong flavor, without being bitter. It tastes like a iced version of someone's grandmother's tea if she used higher quality ingredients. I enjoyed this, but I didn't love it. If you are a fan of lemon tea, you will love this though. If you don't I don't know what to tell you. The world makes no sense.

I'm always spouting yerba mate this, and yerba mate that. It's the tea of my dreams. It tastes of the earth and I usually can't get enough. This, my friends and readers, is no yerba mate. If I were a conspiracy theorist I would make claims that not a single leaf of yerba mate was used in making this. The wonderful earthy taste is not present at all, let alone any sort of tea taste whatsoever. At best what you have tastes like a malt beverage. At worst it tastes like crappy beer a teenager would squirrel away until the night of the big party in the woods with all their hair farmer friends. This is gross. I tried to power through it, hoping that maybe I would get acclimated and it would get better, but there was no chance of that. I couldn't even make it halfway through the can. I would avoid this at all costs. I have no idea how this got big enough to make it into 711. It's something I would expect to find in the dirtiest of bodegas, covered in a thick film of dust as no one has touched it in decades.

Can I just say, "Wow. 5 bottles." and call it a day? Let me check with management for a minute here...

{ Walks up 45 flights of stairs due to a broken elevator. Waits in a waiting room for four hours. Gets told that the boss has left and to come back tomorrow. Walks down 46 flights of stairs. Goes home. Fights with wife and kids. Goes to sleep on the couch. Wakes up with a bad back and cold because the dog pulled the blanket off in the middle of the night. Notices a ticket on the car. Gets in a traffic jam on the way to work. Gets to work fifteen minutes late and misses breakfast pizza because "fat Joan" decided to eat eleven pieces because "she just can't help herself." Walks up 45 flights of stairs. Waits three hours. Door opens. }

The boss said that I can say "Wow. 5 bottles." if I also add that it's really rich and creamy and has a wonderful chocolate milk quality to it.

Pina colada. Not too shabby, right? It's a little cup of summertime. I think it's illegal in most states to sell it when it's not summer. It would devalue it too much. It would also taste bad since the environmental climate is unbalanced in respect to the required prerequisites of the pineapple and coconut. Science stuff, man. Just trust us.

This is full of protein and you can taste it in every sip. There is no getting around it. It's amazing this is a liquid and not sludge. 15 grams of protein is no joke. It tastes a bit chalky, as you would probably guess. Even six hours of refrigeration can't save you from it. It tastes alright, though. Chalk aside. It has a good pina colada taste but you can taste the immense amount of protein and you can also taste the sucralose that makes it a little gross but a whole bottle clocking in at sixty calories is not an easy feat. Cut whatever corners you have to.

All in all, if you are trying to bulk up (bro) this isn't a bad place to start. Gains.

If this is Ocean Spray giving their take on Vitamin Water, they are a bit late to the game. If it's just them trying something new, well it's not really a novel idea, but I still enjoy it. I feel like this is some trick to save them money. It's essentially the same as their normal juice , except the hfcs or sugar are swapped out for the zero calorie Erythritol and I'm pretty sure they just added more water to the juice so it was thinner and less strong. It doesn't taste watered down, but it also no longer feels like a juice either (they aren't marketing it that way). It really tastes like a naturally diet cran-raspberry vitamin water. I know I made it seem like this beverages existence is nefarious, but it's just a tasty drink that is exactly what it says it is.

Ladies, Gentlemen and everyone in-between, I am here to spread the gospel of yerba mate. It is the superior brewed beverage and that includes all teas and coffee. It is the best as you should worship it for the golden god that it is. I am obviously glad that more companies are popping up who put out this wonderful beverage. Not only is it delicious, but it is also my favorite form of caffeine intake.

The mate flavor in this here can of Yachic isn't as strong as my favorite, Guayaki. The water to tea ratio is off and it is causing it to lack the earthiness that you normally get from a yerba mate. Anything that is lost from that imbalance is made up for by the taste of the blueberry though. It's flavored with organic blueberry juice, which causes it to actually tastes like the berries instead of the usual fake flavoring. This may taste more like a “regular” tea, but it at least tastes like a great version of that. This is what I would expect Arizona's take on yerba mate to be, but you know with better added flavors.

So everyone thinks that most energy drinks taste like Wonka candy right? You know the candy company that came into reality from a fictional company in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. From Nerds, to Spree, to Runts, and most commonly SweeTarts energy drinks are mimicking the flavor of these candies. At some horrible point in a dystopian future Wonka is going to just give in and release their own line of energy drinks with a “if you can't beat them, join them” mentality. I mean if sugar gives kids crazy energy and makes them go nuts why not go all in? Perhaps it has already happened and Rip It is really Wonka under a pseudonym because this really tastes like Spree. It's crazy how much these things taste like candy from my youth. Let's make that an internet rumor. Spread the word, delicious candy is now delicious energy drinks. I'm sure it will end with someone getting sued.

When there is a line of beverages comes out that is on the fancier side of things I get excited. I dust of my spat and polish up the old monocle in preparation for greatness. More often than not there is one flavor in said line that just doesn't live up the uniqueness of the others. For Teavana it is the mango black tea. I can be all uppity and say something along the lines of, “why don't they make a raspberry one while they are at it?” Mango has become a fairly commonplace flavoring of tea nowadays and it certainly does not like up to the expectations that one has for say a Passion Tango or a Pineapple berry Blue. I certainly wouldn't de-collapse my opera hat for such a peasant's beverage.

Yeah, all of the above is me being a pretentious buffoon. This tea is wonderful and it is incredibly far from being a tea that anyone would call common. The ingredients are listed as tea infusion, sugar, natural flavors and citric acid. Now most mango flavored teas use some sort of syrup that isn't actually derived from the fruit and it shows. This tastes like someone cut up a half dozen mangos and let their juicy sweetness just soak into the brewed tea. This tastes so much like actual mango that I am a bit dumbfounded that mango juice isn't an ingredient. Teavana you've won me over yet again. Keep them coming.

Vegan protein powders are surprisingly on the rise. I've been seeing a bunch of them that are mostly made from pea protein. They are also normally flavored (chocolate or vanilla) and sweetened with stevia. I could definitely do without the last part. I would rather no sweetener in the protein shake than have that flavor lingering around. Naked decided to go in a different direction and made this out of brown rice protein. Keeping true to their name there is also no other added ingredients in here. It's simply 25g of rice protein. It also just tastes like watered down brown rice. That sounds bad, but it's fairly pleasant. This is a natural, vegan protein supplement that I can get behind. Death to zero calorie sweeteners.

Cocoa I'm familiar with!

Through all the grit and grime of this drink, I found it to taste pretty good. What "grit and grime" you say? Well, this being a protein drink laden with grains, nut bits and coconut parts, it tends to have a bit of a texture to it. This, if you are at all familiar with protein and/or fiber drinks, is common. Let's start with the "bad" which is more informational than literally bad or gross. This contains coconut milk which can tend to give drinks a bit of a chalky taste or texture to it. If you have drunk anything with coconut milk in the past, you know what I am talking about. This was relatively cold but the chalk had already taken over. Personally, unless coconut milk, flavored or not, is ice cold, it tastes like that to me. Protein drinks have a bit of grit to them because the more protein you add to a drink, the thicker or grittier it gets because you can only mush up foodstuffs so much. This contains 11g of fiber and 8g of protein at the same time so it's got some thickness to it.

But who cares about all of that, right? How does it taste. It tastes good. It tastes like a good quality cocoa. Lighter than a chocolate milk but a good, honest cocoa. There is some (coconut) sugar and coconut milk so it's at least smooth and sweet and not some revolting, bittersweet chocolate that tastes more punishing than good.

This one, as opposed to the chai, I would drink again. I bet you could use this as a meal replacement. People would be jealous that you are drinking chocolate instead of wasting your time with pesky things like tacos, pizza and ham. Chewing is for idiots, right? Don't be a follower. Don't be an idiot. Drink to live. Drink for life.