Mike Literman - 1759 Reviews

Starbucks. Woah. You really nailed it with this thing. It's sparkling makes a huge difference. The pineapple kicks it up another notch because it gives it a little sting. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I love the Passion tea. It's got that licorice that makes me feel kind of funny. Like when we used to climb the ropes in gym class.

This drink rules and if I get back into "the States" and they don't have it, I'm going to be very disappointed. Please be waiting for me when I get home. Wear something sassy or sultry. Not both. One or the other.

I'm pretty sure this is the same as the Frozen Hot Chocolate but I will pretend that drink doesn't exist so I can review this limited time, Toronto based drink that I found.

This is basically a totally chocolate Iced Capp. Where there is some vague and minimal amount of coffee included in those, this is straight chocolate, son. Chocolate whipped cream and chocolate drizzlin's make this one Chocolageddon of a drink.

This drink isn't smooth, really. Not until you do all the work and blend the whippin's with the base and get something that is pretty smooth. Take note, Tim. That should be how this is done.

While I spend time with my dumb family in Toronto, I will be sure not to look back at this decision I made. Was it bad? No. It was guiltily delicious. It's like that time you were sixteen and J.O.'d like nine times. It was great but not really something you're proud of.

This is an entry-level tea for everyone. There is a light green tea, light melon, light lemon and light peppermint. It's subtle everything which makes for a pretty good tea. If some of these flavors were too intense, it would make it too definitive or too much of one particular type but since everything is one the same, low level, you're left with an even, well put together drink.

Sometimes I ice my tea. In this case, this is what I did. It makes for a great iced tea. I think that iced green tea allows the bitterness of green tea to shine through a little bit and that's what green tea should taste like. I think that if I drank it hot, the lemon might have shined through but I would have missed the melon a bit. I think I made the right decision and I think I found a tea that, if I had more of, would be a "go to" in these warm, end-of summer, days.

This smells terrible. It doesn't make sense because it tastes totally different. I hate to describe it to V8 but it's essentially a slightly sweeter V8. So why didn't I finish the carton? It got old. I don't know what makes V8 different. It could be the viscosity. This is thin. Almost like a more traditional juice. I have no idea short of them super juicing everything that comes through the front door about how they get it so thin. What's the advantage of that? Leave a little oomph in there, why don't you? The thinner the juice, the more waste you probably have. What are you doing with the waste, huh? Hopefully feeding it to turtles. Turtles love juice waste. I know this for a fact. I know that this an average drink that tastes better than it smells and that turtles love to eat the waste of juicing.

I only like drinking the sparkliest of waters. The sharpest of waters. The fruitiness of waters. The...you get it. This has somehow been on my desk for like an hour and a half and it's still as sharp as ever. But is it good? Does sharp mean good? No but it's good regardless. It's got a great strawberry flavor matched to any Polar or general seltzer water. For what I'm assuming is a "small fry," it's a good accomplishment. You're in the ring with the big boys and you're holding your own. I don't think I've ever seen Rambo to do a just comparison to that.

If you're looking to be just cool enough that you want to, like us, bring something new to a party so you seem interesting to other people, bring this. It's new and those idiots haven't seen it and it makes you seem adventurous. That's how to get chicks. Chicks, man. Chicks.

It's no surprise that I need to eat more vegetables. It's true. I need it. If I could drink this all the time, I would be sure to lose weight and probably be in better shape than I am now. I love to eat, man. What do you want from me? I live in a city that has great food. Enough about me, though. Let's talk about you.

You're a real chunker, man. You need help. I shouldn't be drinking this. You should. Here. What do you think? It's good, right? A little strange, right? It almost tastes like there are onions in there but I think it's a mix between the kale and the tomato. That gives it a little strange taste. Once you get past that, it's decent. Yes. Decent. I feel the heath surging through my veins and it's doing my body good.

I think that after drinking this for lunch, I can slam a killer dinner involving steaks and potatoes and some sort of chocolate molten lava cake. Yes. It has been decided.

Ahh hibiscus, the most tropical of flowers. No really. There was a high stakes competition held in Germany where flower professionals, amateur gardeners, professional mechanics and hobby-level dishwashers got together to judge the competition. Thousands of flowers were placed on a table in an old gymnasium with countless tables and the doors were locked and chained until a winner had been chosen. No food, no water, ,no bathroom, plenty of coitus and a slightly lesser amount of judging and fourteen days later, a choice had been made and it was hibiscus.

This pop was made right after the judgement and was done quite well. It's floral and really sweet. Sure it could use more hibiscus but what couldn't? It still manages to cut through some of the sugar so that you can taste it. The real sugar they use helps the proper flavors push through. It's not too sweet and is a nice sipping pop.

Next month, they're picking the best color and the judges will be done by people who played doctors on television, taxi cab drivers, women between thirty and thirty and a half and grey dogs.

Some people have things for older ladies. I hate to say it but I'll say it because we're all adults here but the acronym is MILF. Kids, if you're reading this, please don't look that up. Keep doing your homework. Some people, a smaller percentage, go for older ladies. That acronym is GILF. Kids, once again, do no look that up. Continue doing your homework.

This tea would be the "secret sauce" to get the older ladies in the mood to put in the real work. A little rooibos, vanilla, safflower and rose in this guy and those ladies will be talking about the Victorian era and all sorts of old crap. This smells like an older lady but it tastes pretty good. I'm not saying that older ladies don't taste good but I don't often touch my tongue to them. Sorry older ladies. Maybe one day. Kids, if you're still reading this, your daddy is going to be sore at you for not finishing your homework.

This tastes fine. I was worried. I have had rose drinks before, mostly from India but this one, in all its domestic nature, is weaker than that. We're new to it. Please forgive us, India. Please forgive us daddies for not letting your children get their homework done because of their curious nature. We warned them otherwise. They don't listen. They're kids. Maybe you should make them some of this tea to calm them down and make them more suitable to bring to your parent's house.

"What happened to the powder?" sounds like something a cocaine addict would say but instead, I am saying that about what I thought was in the cap of the VBlast stuff. "What happened to the powder?" I exclaimed at work as I punctured the cap residing receptacle and liquid came out. I wanted to shake endlessly but instead, all I got was an instantly mixed diet drink that tastes roughly like every other "red diet" drink I've ever had. I've eaten a dragonfruit…€¦a real one. I paid over seven dollars for it and at that price, I shall never forget it. This might not even have it in there. It just tastes like some drink an eighties receptionist would give to you if she offered you juice and really just gave you, generously, a glass of Crystal Light.

Thank you, Sharon, but I need dat powder. It's the eighties and I've got on a houndtooth sport coat, jeans and have a craving for nose candy if you know what I mean.

Ahh these seasonal flavors. This little number, inspired by fantastic Spaniards, is wonderful. I've been milking it all day and it's been nice to me. For eight hours, the sparkles have remained as has the flavor and all day I have been able to enjoy the fantastic flavor of pomegranate sangria. Have I ever had a real sangria? Nope. It sound like an adult fruit punch. Is that was it is? If so, I don't know if I would drink it even if I did drink. This, though. This I would drink all the darn time and no one would accuse me of having a drinking problem, you know, because it's just water. I guess drinking problems aren't explicitly assigned to alcohol but I think when you say it, that's where your head goes. To alcohol. This would be a nice alternative if you both loved and had a problem with drinking sangria. I'm trying to help you. Help me help you, friend.

All the protein. I need all of it. I need to bulk up. Who has time for the gym. I'm going to slam all of the chocolate milks just to see what it would look like if I was chiseled out of marble. Wait...that's not how that works? I just cancelled my gym membership and in exchange spent my membership fee on chocolate milk. I've already drank eleven of them today.

Am I going to be alright? What poisoning? Protein poisoning? Really? Oh man. What do I do? Can I do a cranberry cleanse or something? Do I need to make myself throw up? Eleven milks. I can't believe I did that. How? Well it actually wasn't that hard. It tastes like a melted Wendy's Frosty. Who couldn't drink 154 ounces of Frosty. 154 ounces of chocolate milk? Oh man.

This day will go down in infamy as the one of the dumbest days of my life. I've got to reverse this by going on a cleanse. At least it wasn't a really rich, thick chocolate milk and was closer to the stuff you would make at home. I might have really put on some pounds. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. Probably a big poop. Hopefully a big poop.

This drink is like a prude hooker. What do you say about a drink that came out too early and is too thick to drink? Well, you call it "fine" when it tastes like this. This doesn't really taste like "Fall" or "pumpkin" really. Not a lot of spice. I was looking for nutmeg or cinnamon or something but at the end of the day, I was left with something that didn't taste like coffee and was quite frankly too chunky to drink. They put these cookie crunchies atop the gratuitous amount of whipped cream. Nice to look at but everything sinks to the bottom and makes you swear at an inanimate object because you can't drink it and you paid for it and it's not letting you do what you paid to do. You know, like a prude hooker.

Regular lake monsters can't make pop. Lake monsters with sunglasses can. It must be something with the glare. Monsters might have sensitive corneas or something because this pop, which is made by monsters, is actually pretty good. Sure it tastes like a slightly modified grape Freez-e-pop but it's still good. It might be more fruity and less...I don't know...chemical? This drink also benefits from the corn syrup because it's a decent fruit taste and it sticks to your lips and makes it seem like you're eating black raspberry flavored candy.

You would think that a lake monster wouldn't be able to operate heavy machinery with those claws but they are a surprising create, believe you me.

"More mushrooms!" screamed Tony. Tony loved mushrooms. He loved all sorts. Chanterelles, Morel, Portobello, Shiitake, Oyster. It didn't matter. Tony had space in his basement dedicated to just mushroom growing. He would eat them as much long as he could get his hands on them.

One day a box came in the mail. It was a box of assorted juices. What made it special is that it was derived from a mushroom. He took one sip and knew it was the drink for him. It didn't taste like mushroom but it did taste like a nice, fruity puree. Sure he would have liked it to just taste like mushrooms but knowing that it came from mushrooms was good enough. It tasted like a dark, sweet berry but was thicker than a regular juice.

He contacted the company, graciously thanked them and hung up the phone and went back into the basement to make a mushroom salad with a side of mushroom dressing. Yeah, Tony was a strange dude but a really healthy dude.

You'll never guess what happens next! After you drink this, you'll be totally refreshed. Why? Well because you're sure to drink the whole thing because it's good. You are sure to drink the thing because it's zero calories and doesn't taste like you're eating the plastic beads out of a 90's hackey sack. You'll drink the whole thing because you feel thirsty and it's better than the alternative which is almost certainly Brisk.

So after you're done drinking it what are you left with? Well, a nice berry tea taste and only the slightest bit of erythritol. It's less sharp than Stevia and I like Stevia. I like my old housemate Steve. I like one of my oldest friends Steve. I like the guy who used to sell thing on eBay for a skateshop in Lockport Stevebay. I'm filled to the brim with Steves I like. Sure I'm talking about erythritol but who cares. I'm in a caring mood and I care for this drink. A little bit of tea and a little bit of fruit and a little bit of sweet. I'm not going to go as far as saying that it's a trifecta by any means but I will say that it's a fantastic supplement for most of that other diet garbage you've been drinking.

I could go for whatever a mai tai is right about now. A nice tropical trip to somewhere where there is a warm breeze, warm waters and no kids. Just sitting in a chair with no one talking to me for like an hour. No music or people trying to sell me an umbrella. No shirt. Just the wind and the waves, man. That and this mai tai.

This is certainly tropical. I don't know what else is in here but there are certainly orange. There is a picture of an orange and a pineapple and if I think hard enough, that's in here. This is great, though. It's really a well flavored little treat. A summer treat, but a treat nonetheless.

If American Pickers has taught me anything, it's the re-definition of "farm fresh." Farm fresh traditionally is associated with food and things like eggs that you get right out of that chicken and milk right out of that cow. For Mike and Frank, "farm fresh" means rusty, dusty and dirty. Sure, it's both right from the farm, but one you would eat and the other you would need a tetanus shot.

Mike and Frank would like this, though. Not only is it self-proclaimed "farm fresh" but, more importantly, it's really good. It's just the right amount of sweetness and I think that although grapefruit overpowers cranberry, they share the stage enough that both their name can be on the bill. Also, there are only four ingredients and you can guess them without me having to name it and that says a lot. They sent this to us but I bet it's not too cheap seeing is that they are using real flavor and no preservatives or flavors or pasteurization. All natural.

I would actually like a count on the amount of tetanus shots Mike and Frank have gotten. Anyone who can get me that number gets a internet-wide congratulations.

While climbing the Rocky Mountains, Jack heard about a legend of a mysterious cooler on the top of the tallest mountain. For as long as he was a kid, he always wanted to climb the mountain and find out what was in the cooler. Some people said it was a head of a mob boss that terrorized the city during the 1920's. Some said that it was a secret recipe for a really good pie. Jack needed to find out for sure.

He packed a bag and climbed a couple of the smaller mountains for years to prepare himself for the big climb. Then, one nice summer day, he took his first step up the mountain. Minute after minute, Hour after hour he diligently climbed until he finally made it and there it was, a cooler. A standard issue, blue, plastic insulated Coleman cooler with root beer in it. Not just any root beer but Rocky Mountain root beer.

Sure, it wasn't the finest root beer but it was special because it was made from the Rocky Mountain area. It's a nice, dark root beer that's not too sweet and is actually sweetened from beet sugar. Jack was psyched. He just took the one bottle and left the rest. There was a note on the top of the cooler that said, "Take one and tell no one. Safe travels." He obeyed the rules.

Gazpacho, right? Never eaten the stuff. You know what I have done, though? I've drank it. You know what else I've done? I really liked it. I would eat this and I would drink it. I would use this as a meal replacement. This is more of a bisque than a tomato soup which I like because tomato soup is a vile, revolting putrid food. This, though, this is good. It's got a good texture and you can taste everything. Tomato, onions, cucumbers and everything.

I half expected this to be gross. It's soup in a bottle. Who drinks soup? Crazy people. That's who. Whom? Who cares? Whom cares?

I'll tell you what's good right now for the low price of reading what I have to write to you. This is good. What's good about it? Well, this tastes like all the ingredients and all the ingredients taste good. That's a pretty dumb way to describe how something tastes, right? Well, I say it because we get stuff all the time where flavors are disguised or hidden or masked by something else. This you can taste the tea, lemonade and mango all at the same time and respectfully. It's just the right amount of sweetness and sourness and everything. This is a great tea. Just in time for summertime to come to its peak heatness. This will cool many of you down rather successfully.