Empire Bottling Works (3 reviews)

Empire Bottling Works Banana

Empire Bottling Works Banana

You have no idea how much I wish I liked bananas. They are cheap, healthy and portable. Unfortunately they also taste absolutely disgusting to me. We’re talking top 5 grossest foods to my mouth. The thing is that here at Thirsty Dudes we have an obligation to our readers (or accidental perusers if you will) to drink and review any and all non-alcoholic beverages that cross our paths. I don’t remember exactly where I found this drink, because it’s been sitting on my shelf for a few months, but I can assure you that it caused an audible “ugh’ when I saw it.

Lucky for me I had some friends over last night and one of them loves bananas. I offered him this soda and he happily accepted. I took two quick sips to confirm that this tasted exactly like it did in my head and I was satisfied with my presumptions. This, my readers, tastes like a sweet soda water that has had banana Runts melted into it. Of course it does not resemble anything close to the actual fruit. It’s sweet. It’s strong. It’s liquid candy. I want nothing to do with it, but others seemed to enjoy it. A middle of the road three bottles it is.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
3/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 18th, 2013
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Empire Bottling Works Spruce Beer

Empire Bottling Works Spruce Beer

Franklin Mercer has been sick for quite awhile. His wife Sharon has been up for the past three nights. Franklin is so congested that he can hardly breathe and what little breath he has comes out in the loudest snores you've ever heard. She's begged and pleaded but he's so darn stubborn and won't take medicine. To fix her problem Sharon and I have mixed up this little concoction to trick him into getting better.

If there's one thing Franklin loves it's soda pop. He drinks it all the livelong day. I suggested that we slip a little Vicks Vapo Rub into his soda in order to get him well. Yes I know you're not supposed to ingest it, but every time we try to rub it on his body he wakes up and freaks out. It's like waking someone with night terrors. I'm surprised I don't have a black eye. Sharon said her family has a secret recipe of mixing a bunch of buds and needles from spruce trees and boiling it down to make a syrup that will fix you right up. The problem is we're on vacation out in Arizona and there isn't a proper tree to be found anywhere. As a substitute she decided to mix in a pine scented tree air freshener that she found at the gas station. I don't know how they are equals, but she assures me it will do in a pinch. We boiled it all down, mixed it in with his Sprite and here we go.

Lucky for us his nose is so stuffed up because the smell of this stuff is intense. I can't believe he's drinking it. The cold must also be effecting his taste buds. I took a little sip earlier to make sure it wasn't poison, and it tasted like I had bathes in Vapo Rub and then decided to lick the sap from a tree. I couldn't get more than a little sip down, Franklin just chugged the whole bottle. Here's to hoping it clears up his nasal passages!

Country
United States
Sweetener
100% Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
1/5
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on September 10th, 2011
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Empire Bottling Works Cola

Empire Bottling Works Cola

Whenever I drink a cola made with cane sugar, I am transported to a world where HFCS doesn't exist and every soda tastes great. But then after the bottle is finished, I come back to reality. Empire makes a damn good bottle of cola. It's really smooth, and there are hints of cream in it as if they mixed in a little cream soda. It's full of flavor, but not overwhelming. I wish more colas tasted this good.

Country
United States
Sweetener
Cane Sugar
Categories
Soda Pop
Rating
4/5
Reviewed By
Derek Neuland on October 4th, 2010
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