Malava (1 review)

Malava Novocaine Tropical Berry

Malava Novocaine Tropical Berry

In my head this drink was formulated specifically to help people cope with the theoretical impending apocalypse. Even the companies name suggests it: MALAVA = MAYAN LAVA that will destroy the world. Yeah it’s a stretch, deal with it.

Unlike other relaxation drinks this is not full of melatonin and valerian root, which will just put you to sleep. The anti-stress medicine in this cane is just kava extract, which is used to relax without disrupting mental clarity. This way if you survive the initial impact of the unknown event that will end everything on Thursday, you will be calm and clear headed to figure out what you have to do to survive. Those fools who drink alcohol or something like a Marley Mellow Mood will be passed out somewhere for passing marauders to do with as they please. No one wants that to happen to them.

Since this is going to the taste to represent the end of the world we are lucky that it actually tastes decent. It’s not carbonated, as I expected it to be. It tastes like some unknown tropical fruit. It’s a little thick, somewhere between a juice and nectar. All of these are good things in my book. There is nothing chemical tasting in here. I could have been served this as a normal juice and not realized it had other effects until I drank it and they kicked in.

Stock up. Prepare yourselves. Make sure that you have the ability to numb yourself to the doom and destruction that is all around you so that you can forge on and rebuild the world.

United States
Natural Evaporated Sugar Cane
Reviewed By
Jason Draper on December 17th, 2012
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Malava Novocaine Anti-Stress Drink Tropical Berry
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